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Pokémon Places We Call Home

Persephone

Infinite Screms
Pronouns
her/hers
Partners
  1. mawile
  2. vulpix-alola
You know how I was automatically more favorable to Umbra over Nip because mawile or so cute and innocent they could do nothing wrong? Yeah, the bitch attacked a ninetales. She deserves to die. Slowly and painfully. And also she abused Nip which sucks, I guess.

I feel like said ninetales hasn't been properly utilized so far. Not only does the story not revolve around him, but he hasn't really advanced the plot very much. Admittedly this is because Haru can't keep herself from insulting him whenever she's around, which really has made me like him a lot less.

Haru going full Karen has been a fun development. Hates criminals so much she will walk into jail at any opportunity just to yell at the prisoners. Dislikes the northern tribes who are little more than savages and just keep coming to drain resources. Other, bigger cities aren't safe. You just don't know what kind of folk live in those places. Judges people with different religious beliefs than hers and won't shut up about it. Is a capitalist and that's her entire motivation. Can't wait for her to demand to speak to Nip's manager or demand that a wall be built along the canyon so the ice-types can't just pour over the border. Haru hating Nip more than the parents of the kid he killed is interesting. And calling Nip no better than a Wildener with Whisper, a former Wildener, in earshot is certainly a mood. Wow he just really does not like people who are different than him.

Catto is becoming more and more villainous now that it's confirmed he disappears pokemon who become troublesome and is basing criminal justice decisions off of the free labor it gets him. The meat cover up also sounds plausible. The carnivores want to ensure they have a source of food and if Haru is any indication the herbivores just prefer not to think about it. Oh, and Fat Cat driving a kid's father off, killing the kid's mother, and then making the kid your servant is certainly a power play. Really wonder how much Shimmer's in on since she seemed to be getting to something with regards to the small cattos' father. Wonder if he was behind his wife's death. Seems like she was the last leader and was broadly popular. Killing her would make him next in line for the throne. Or the Mayor's Ribbon-Cutting Scissors, as the case may be.

I keep reading "Toshi" as "Tekashi," as in "Tekashi69" and now I'm really tempted to do a terrible MS Paint job of him as a bidoof.

Muse got a little bit of characterization this chapter when he freaked out about Shimmer getting hurt. Clearly some affection there, even beyond the job. I ship it tbh. Still not too much on her personality, though. And we got a little more of Shimmer being ready to cast off silliness to be a genuine leader in the last few chapters. Honestly she should really be the protagonist here, with the racist beaver being the side character.

Oh and Celebi's here, I guess. We'll see if that's more eventful than the ninetales showing up.
 

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
Hey, windskull! Here with the beginning of your much-overdue Blacklight prize reviews. Unfortunately where I left off last time ended up being a kind of an awkward spot, as there's only one chapter left in the initial arc. What I'm going to do is start with that chapter + the bonus here, do the next arc in two pieces, and then wrap with a two-chapter review including the next interlude and most recent chapter. So let's get started, finally!

Nip's trial is the big event the story's been building to for a while. I like how you introduce some worldbuilding here along with character backstory--some indication of what life is like (messed up!) in Nip's clan, as well as bringing the Enforcers into the picture. I think in another review response you mentioned that the townspeople distrust the Enforcers (and the bonus chapter certainly highlights why they might, lol), and I do think making that a little more clear in this chapter would be a good idea, just to make a little more sense of the town's votes--and I'm guessing it may end up being relevant later as well.

Nip's backstory reveal is kind of fun here, because while it does earn him some sympathy points wrt the abuse he suffered, it also reveals that he did an even bigger crime previously, oops. Unfortunately I think it didn't have as big an impact on me as it otherwise might because I'd kind of been spoiled for it by Blacklight, but Blacklight also made me more excited for some other events that I know are coming, so, pluses and minuses. I like the trial structure of this chapter because at the same time that the townsfolk are judging Nip, the audience is basically doing the same. I like him, but I also think I've seen more of him outside of the egg-murdering context, so probably a different viewpoint than most readers. I imagine you probably get some differing opinions about him, which is fun!

I was kind of surprised how relatively easy the town went on him. His crime isn't quite the same as murder, but it's still pretty hecking bad! And it's been a repeat issue! I can't really see a court in our world granting community service for this sort of thing--perhaps a mark against our world, but it's the frame of reference I'm coming from. My impression is that the vote there was largely swayed by the younger and probably more idealistic members of the village (Haru's crew, more or less); that rings true to me. It makes me wonder how old they all are in the pokémon sense. I'd been thinking of them as ~teenaged. How old do you have to be to take part in decisions like these that govern life in the village? I imagine there are some members of the village feeling a bit salty about these young people waltzing onto the scene and messing up their vote, heh. I think it's a little odd that if the group had done what they'd been told and stayed in the healing hut they would've missed out, and Nip's fate would have been very different. Seems like they'd want to try and make sure as many eligible people as possible show up to that sort of trial. Otherwise it could be very easy to manipulate the outcome by arranging for people opposing you to be off doing something else (or injured, lol) at time of vote.

On to the bonus! I'm always here for a look at different pokémon religions, and I like that the two that we've really seen the most of center on pokémon people might consider "dark" or even "evil." Hoopa as god of ambition as well as chaos is a fun take. Kind of makes me wonder if there are maybe some unsavory sects that lean much more into the "chaos" aspect, heh. Themes of difference and discrimination have been a constant throughout this story and are on big display here. A fun challenge to the "all kinds of pokémon live together in relative harmony" that you see in the games. I wonder if there's someplace in this world that's a lot more accepting of differences, where Hoopa worship might be a much more open thing, even if it isn't a major religion?

The Red/Blue/Yellow Society/Guild/Enforcers triad introduced here and in the previous chapter are definitely interesting. We have three major institutional powers there; I wonder how they all operate relative to each other, how they end up not stepping on each others' toes. (Or perhaps they cause each other problems all the time, lol.) I wonder whether the eevee siblings (I'm assuming!) happened to rise to power in each of them, or whether they're the respective founders of each group. I'm curious to learn more about their relatiionship... I have a feeling these groups will play a big role in the story in the future, for sure.

I was a little disappointed that we didn't end up seeing more of the actual Hoopa cult in this bonus chapter. In the end, what we see of Ruffles' time with the group is pretty limited. While I think some of the intrigue with the Enforcers is going to be more plot-relevant, the Hoopa stuff was what I was personally most interested to see. The battle with the Enforcer squad felt a little elaborate to me, better as the culmination of a little arc rather than a one-off minion fight; I would have gladly traded some of the words spent on that for more time at the eclipse celebration.

As a quick note, it's "flaaffy," not "flaffy," because GameFreak is Like That about pokémon name spellings. Also "gorebyss."

All in all, a solid wrap-up to the initial story arc. I already have a sense of what goes on in the next arc, and I'm very excited about it! I'll be back soon to talk about that.
 

love

Memento mori
Pronouns
he/him/it
Partners
  1. leafeon
Review time. Not much happens in chapter 17. Line comments can be found on this document, which is actually most of the review.

Since the premonition bookends the chapter, I wonder if it would have made more sense to have all of it take place from Muse's perspective. She hasn't received much attention, so it would be an opportunity to develop her if that's something you're interested in. I don't think we learn too much from Haru that we couldn't have learned from her. We know Nip is more depressed than usual and learn that others also lost some faith in the gods. Haru seems even crankier than usual, and the distance between her and Shimmer only seems to have grown.

Also low key excited that Tempest actually gets to say something.

It's too bad Muse's premonition isn't very specific. Also, did they all just not believe Celebi? Otherwise, I feel like the town should be preparing for an attack—training villagers in combat, constructing barriers and weapons or traps. Funnily enough, Muse's disaster sense makes Celebi's warning somewhat redundant. Celebi's actual role in the story appears to have been making everyone doubt what they know about the gods.
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WIND!!!!! I do apologize for being late for Catnip :')) Health has not been agreeing with me the past few days. However, I was really excited to roll this because it was on my read-list for Blitz. I've reviewed chapter 1, but honestly, if I wasn't so tired, I'd keep reading because WOW I think I'm kinda hooked!

So like, I've always had a gripe with Bidoof--always used to piss me off in Plat, never really knew why. It just did. BUT I love Haru. I've only gotten one chapter with her so far, but I just think she's adorable. She's a good little bean who just wants to help her parents out and pull her weight. I will always have my preference for feisty "says what's on their mind" characters, but I can absolutely appreciate the non-confrontational cinnamon rolls who keep their harsh comments to themselves (even tho Shimmer do be kinda obnoxious). I think, even for a relatively short chapter, I have a solid grasp on who these three characters are, which is a really great start to a story. Haru's gonna be one of our front ladies (duh), Shimmer's the annoying rich "daddy's girl," and Muse is the mysterious and protective older friend. I'm here for it, and very hype to see where these three end up going (if they survive that is, huhuhuuhhhhuuuuu I have a bad feeling one of them is going to die, uh oh).

Also, the overall opening to this chapter was pretty damn stellar??? Like. What a neat way to (I assume) subtly introduce all of these characters that I am assuming are going to somehow have their stories intertwine here. I have to guess that the Sneasel that Haru, Shimmer, and Muse just found is that Sneasel from the opening (prologue, I guess?), and from there I'm guessing we're going to be meeting the rest somewhat soon. I already am feeling for some of them because judging by the way that that prologue-y part ended, some, if not all of them, are having a Bad Time(TM) rn (as if the Sneasel getting mauled wasn't enough..........oof).

I love my dark tales, so I am really pumped to keep going on this. I'm going to sign off here, but BEST BELIEVE I am going to be back very shortly for more. Fantastic stuff so far, and I'll see you around <33333
 

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
All right, let's get into the next story arc! I'm going to look at chapters 10-12 here.

Jhorlo's deal with Umbra was the most interesting part of Chapter 10 to me. We knew Jhorlo was shady before, but he's really showing his true colors here! The assertion that scavenging won't produce enough meat to sustain all the carnivores in Theran Village is definitely interesting, and all in all makes sense to me. I think there are certainly scenarios in which it could work--say, a particularly dangerous mystery dungeon supplying a steady stream of corpses--but if there's any significant predator presence in the village, it would be hard to make the system work. It makes me curious about how long the system's been having problems. Like, presumably it was established in good faith and worked for at least a little while? Or perhaps not... Like Celebi, I'm wondering when Theran village was founded. If this is a system that's been in place for, like, fifty years, I think the ways in which it has failed are realistic. If it's supposed to have been around for more like 200 years, I feel like someone would have noticed that it didn't actually work before now!

I'm curious who all's complicit in Jhorlo's cover-up. Is the additional hunted meat only going to Jhorlo's associates, or does it get supplied to the butcher as well? I would expect the butcher would have to be in on it in the latter case, and it would seem like at least some of the patrons would be able to tell they were getting real fresh meat when they shopped there...

I also love how Jhorlo's cited reason for predators not going out hunting is that it would be awkward to end up eating some villager's relative, lol. Never mind the whole murder thing generally being kind of unpleasant regardless of the target, I guess. I'm looking forward to learning more about Jhorlo himself. He seems the greedy, self-serving type, but what is he really after? Is ruling over a little backwater town really where his ambitions lie?

To be honest, and jumping ahead a bit to Chapter 12, I'm curious about how much Shimmer knows about her dad's terribleness. He seems to do his best to hide his plans from her, but she can literally read fucking minds. Yes, she doesn't like to do it, and Jhorlo's explicitly told her to not do it on top of that. But what about when she was just learning to control her powers? No glimpses into what's up with dear old Dad? And she's never been tempted to read his mind outside of that? Never caught a whiff of particularly strong (and eeeeevil) emotion? She manages to justify mind-reading to herself twice in this chapter alone on fairly flimsy/"but I want to, tho" grounds, so it's hard for me to believe she's never gotten a psychic hint of what Jhorlo has going on. But if she has and has been hiding it from everyone else, damn, that's a lot! It would make for quite a twist.

I do like that we're getting some more insight into what makes Shimmer tick. We've mostly been hanging out with Haru up until now, and Haru, fairly justifiably, mostly seems to find Shimmer exasperating. But though Jhorlo seems to dote on his daughter and care about her a lot, I have a feeling Shimmer's situation isn't really so cushy as all that. We get some hints here that there's a lot she tries to hide/ignore, and like, yeah, if you're under the thumb of the evil mayor, I could definitely see where that might come from, lol. I have high hopes that it'll be fun to unravel whatever's going on with her (and Muse?) later in the story.

The discussion between Nip and Haru in Chapter 11 felt like a bit of a retread of the trial scene in Chapter 9, which Nip even comments on, heh. Nip does get to elaborate a bit more on his views than he did there, but it feels like he hit most of the same beats... He didn't want the kids to suffer the same kind of life he did, so he killed them; he didn't steal from the meat shop because he wasn't thinking clearly and the nursery was much closer/unguarded; Umbra was terrible and abusive to him. I'm not sure what you were getting at with this scene; happy to talk it over if you want ideas for how to bring what you had in mind to the forefront more clearly!

And then last, but certainly not least, the big event that I've been waiting for--Tempest's arrival! I've been very excited to see him show up here after seeing him introduced in Blacklight. I think it'll be great for Nip to have another character in his court, one who actually has an idea of where he's coming from, unlike the village 'mon. (Also, I know that Nip's nervous that Tempest might want nothing to do with him now, but come on, Nip, he was obviously trying to defend you in that berry cart fight, geez.) And I look forward to learning more about his perspective on the situation and on the way of life in Nip's tribe. Obviously somebody tried to put him out of commission, but I don't expect that to stick for very long--besides there being multiple psychics around, Umbra mentioned earlier that everyone in the tribe can read and write, yeah?

The brief Celebi segment gives a hint that the outer world is going to intrude (even more?) on Theran Village, but we're not seeing many signs of it yet. There isn't enough there for me to say more than "something is wrong, and probably it has to do with mystery dungeons?", so for now it's a mystery. The story has been so thoroughly wrapped up in the Nip drama that I'm curious to see how you plan to expand the scope in the coming chapters. Not sure whether we'll see Celebi in this arc or the next, but I'm sure they'll shake things up! For now I'm looking forward to seeing how Tempest changes the equation and whether we get more insight into Jhorlo's entire deal. A little under halfway done with this arc; not totally sure where it's going to go from here, but I'm excited to find out!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Whelp, I was in the mood to jam something out for a chapterfic review tonight, but it came to my attention that the next Psychic Sheep chapter in my series was undergoing edits overnight. So let's fire up the other chapterfic I was hoping to double-dip on the repeat bonus and see how things play out:

Chapter 3

“You shouldn't be putting so much stress on your leg, dear. You’re going to worsen your wound.”

“I wasn’t born yesterday! I’m no newborn kit, exposed and mewling for the safety of a nest. I know how to take care of myself.”

Waiting in Lecha’s reception room, Haru was beginning to have second thoughts. Despite having arrived bright and early, it seemed Nip had arisen even earlier, and was causing a heap of trouble for the poor aromatisse doctor.

Haru: "That bit about knowing how to take care of yourself is kinda debatable there." >_>;
Nip: "Nobody asked you!" >.<

He still had a limp as he rounded the corner of the hallway into the reception room, sniffing cautiously at the air. Still, he certainly seemed better than he had the day before, his strength starting to return. His fur also looked better, groomed neatly into place with not a single piece of straw sticking to it. And despite the look of discomfort on his face, he seemed determined to stand on his own, removing his paw from the wall as he stepped into the open. Finally, he caught a glimpse of Haru, locking eyes with the smaller pokemon.

I can already see the amount of kicking and screaming involved from Lecha tending to his fur. Assuming that Nip didn't just handle that like a cat. :V

“Oh, the bidoof from before. So, you did show up.” His voice was quiet, perhaps a bit surprised.

For a moment, Haru was stunned into silence, disarmed by the blunt response like she had been the day before. She shook her head to clear it. No. She had promised herself now that she would get to know the strange sneasel. If nothing else, she’d do it for the possible fame, to spread her and her family’s name! Resolve set, she took a firm step forward. “Of course I did. I said I’d show you around, and I intend to keep that promise.”

Nip: "Really? Since I was actually kinda hoping you'd forget." >_>;
Haru: "(Honestly, part of me was hoping you would too, but let's just get this over with.)" >.<

A difficult to read expression crossed his face, but he quickly shook it away. “Fine, I wouldn’t mind checking out the shrine you mentioned at least. And I could use a proper meal. Lecha only offered me vegetables and berries, and told me I needed to speak with a ‘Mandi’ if I wanted anything with meat in it.”

Meat? Haru hesitated. As an herbivore, she always made an effort to avoid Mandi’s shop, and all the unfortunate implications that came with it. The temple as well, though for different reasons. But if she wanted to get on Nip’s good side and learn more about where he came from… “Alright, I guess I can help you with that.”
I did a bit of a double-take there, but yeah. Small typo with Haru's pronoun.

Nip: "Unfortunate implications?" :?
Haru: "Look, I'm not super gung ho about hanging around a place that sells bits and pieces of dead Pokémon. Why on earth do you even want-?"
- Cue Nip's stomach growling -
Haru: "... Right. But are you sure you can't by with-?"
Nip: "Need I remind you that both cats and weasels are obligate carnivores? As a Pokémon that has traits of both, did you really expect that I would somehow be exempt?" >_>;
Haru: "I-It works in some settings..."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Nip: "That aren't ours." >:|

Lecha finally appeared from the room beyond the hall, a cloth stained with berry juices in her paws. “Are you going to show our guest around town, Haru? Take it slow, would you? I’ve told him he needs to rest his leg, but since he insists on moving around, I suppose I can allow it as long as he stays nearby and rests frequently.”

“You can’t make me stay here if I don’t want to,” Nip argued. Lecha chose not to respond to that.

I mean, technically she can, but I'm pretty sure that'd be violating all sorts of ethical standards as a medical caregiver. o<o

“Don’t worry, we bidoof aren’t exactly known for our speed,” Haru joked. Her comment seemed to defuse the tension. For now.

She turned to the curtain-shrouded exit, making sure that Nip followed before making her way back into the open air. The sneasel followed close behind, blinking as he adjusted to the mid-morning light. Haru gave him a moment to gather his senses as he made his way out into the open before beginning to walk speaking as she went. [ ]

“So, this is Theran Village’s central square. You’ll notice that there are a lot of small vendors around here Ruffle - that’s the bellossom over there - has a stand where she sells the berries that she and Rosalei grow."

[ ]

"The building next to it is a food shop that works with them for supplies. It’s run by a swalot, but you’d be surprised how careful he is about keeping his workspace clean," Haru explained. "There’s a slurpuff that sets up shop around here sometimes but… it’s really just a bunch of junk. But she’ll buy some of the weirdest things from you for high prices! Don’t ask where she gets all that money, you won’t get an answer. Let’s see, what else…”

I personally feel that there's a couple of structural tweaks that ought to be made here. One would be to add some sort of general description of the square and its layout as part of paragraph 2, with Haru spelling out the details of it in her dialogue as she does.

The other recommendation I'd make would be to chop up Haru's dialogue there, since... it's kinda 9 sentences in a row with no breaks.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Like it feels like it might work better divided into something like 2 paragraphs, give a chance to show off Nip's reaction a bit in between since this is a very alien environment for him and then move on.

“What about that place over there?”

Nip had paused to point at one of the larger buildings in the square. It was a mishmash of bright colors: pink, blue, and purple. Two pokemon were hanging nearby at the moment: her father and a diggersby. They were both busying themselves, running about with lumber and dirt and metal as prepped for the days work.

Oh, that’s our nursery and daycare. They’ve been working on expanding it," the Bidoof replied. "Grombert - that’s the diggersby over there - and my father have been hard at work the last moon or so to get it ready, and they’re almost done. Tor, the blissey that runs it, lives there, along with a couple of orphaned mons that stay there all the time.”

The sneasel scoffed, catching Haru off-guard. “Why would you make your nursery the brightest, most obvious place in town? Wouldn’t that attract trouble?

Haru: "What? Why on earth would that be a problem?"
:what:

Nip: "Well, if anyone wanted to hurt one of those kids or eggs... it's kinda the most obvious building in your entire grounds."
:gardeshrug:

Haru: "... I'm sorry, but where are you from again that this would be a problem?"
:uhhh:

Nip: "Someplace where Pokémon have a self-preservation instinct, apparently."

“Well…” She began, averting her gaze as she considered his question, and the relatively valid point. But soon, an answer came to her, making her respond in a firm, confident tone. “It makes the kids feel more comfortable, apparently. Tor also really likes the bright colors, not that you would know from the way he talks about it. Besides, it’s safe here, especially in the middle of the village. We only have a few guards, but they take their job very seriously. No wildener would ever dare try to break in here.

Nip: "You know, nobody's stopping you all from making the inside bright and colorful and the outside nondescript. Also, excuse me if I don't fully trust how well a town known for Oran Berries and lumber can defend its young."
:absus:

Haru: "... Are you going to be like this for the entire tour?" >_>;

His ear twitched, appearing unconvinced. But he dropped the matter. “So, who is this ‘Mandi’ I was told to see.”

“Oh. Right.” Remember what you’re doing this for, Haru. “Her shop is actually a bit of a walk away from here, so, um, if you could follow me, please?” She began walking at a slow gait, making sure that the injured sneasel would be able to keep up. Though… perhaps she was dragging her feet a bit. Until they arrived though, she supposed it would be as good of time as any to learn more about him.

“So, I know it hasn’t been very long yet,” she started, “but what do you think of the village so far?”

Nip: "It looks like you'd last about 5 minutes against any seriously organized raid." :|
Haru: "About the facilities, Nip." >_>;

“It’s… odd. You have all these… ‘buildings,’ as you call them. Weird dens that seem too big and open to be safe. And they’re so spread out. Why would you do that?”

“I think a lot of pokemon like to have space. And with them being more spread out, it both gives larger ‘mon a way to maneuver and helps keep a fire from spreading, should one of them catch fire.”

Definitely two sides of the same coin argument-wise here, since... yeah. Hard to argue both Haru and Nip don't have points from their own perspectives.

“I guess… But why is there no tree coverage? Or brush? I can understand a central clearing for everyone to gather in, but trees and the brush provide cover and protect from danger. Why would you settle somewhere with so little coverage?

“There’s no trees in the center because we cleared them out and leveled the ground so we can build on it. Same for the brush, although you’ll notice we have a few bushes and trees here and there for decoration. Why? Are things different where you come from?”

I see that Death from Above is a significant concern up north given that line of dialogue.
:fearfullaugh~1:


“Oh yes. Where I come from, we build and carve our dens out of dirt and stone and bring in brush and moss and other plants to build our nests. The nursery and children’s den are built the same way, but with brambles and thorn bushes protecting the entrance. And we use harvested pelts from our hunts to line our nests and to build more mobile shelter for emergencies.”

Haru came to a sudden stop, stiffening. Nip almost bumped into her. She turned back to look at him incredulously. “I’m sorry, did you say that you hunted other pokemon?”

He blinked a couple times. “Of course. How else would we get the food we need?”
Nip: "Again. Obligate carnivore here." :|
Haru: "Look, what sort of town just goes out into the boonies and kills wildeners?" >_>;
Nip: "First off, we're a tribe, not a town. Second off... anyone with a sufficient number of carnivores? Do you just expect Outsiders to keel over on their own frequently enough to provide enough meat for everyone to get by?"
:gardeshrug:

Haru: "But surely you can stretch that out with something like gu-"
Nip: "Those don't exist in our setting, remember? If they did, that Lecha 'mon would've brought them up first thing and it'd have made life up north a lot easier."
Haru: "... Okay, fine. But that doesn't make this any less creepy!" >.<

“You… but you don’t need to kill for that.”

The sneasel scoffed. “You are a plant eater, right? I wouldn’t expect you to understand. The gods blessed us with sharp claws and teeth for killing and tearing. We do what we must to survive, just as our prey does. But death is an inevitability for all living beings. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get in Yveltal’s good graces.”

Something something, a life for a life. There's probably some much more graceful and pleasant-sounding ways that Nip could've made this argument to Haru, but... it's Nip, so yeah. :V

“Who?”

Nip looked taken aback. “Yveltal, the overseer of death and most important pokemon in the land, if you ask me and my kin. Without death, there is no rest, and pokemon would continue to multiply until there was no space left.”
Haru: "Of all the Pokémon from outside to come into town it just had to be the active predator that worships the creepy death god." >_>;
Nip: "You could try being a bit less judgmental, Bidoof. Look, I don't see you giving this sort of treatment to storm gods. Almost nobody likes those and yet nobody says boo about paying gods related to them reverence."
:GrumpNip:

Haru: "Yeah, about that..."

Haru blinked. “Nope, never heard of them. But… maybe I’m not the best mon to ask. If you ask me, I think too many pokemon follow the myths and legends too closely, and don’t think for themselves. Sometimes I wonder if we’d be better off forgetting them.” Nip opened his mouth to say something, but Haru shook her head and continued before he could. “But that’s beside the point. Anu is supposed to be tending to Regigigas’ shrine today, so perhaps you can ask him if he knows more about Yevetal. Or whatever their name was.”

eating-popcorn-pocorn.gif


Between this and the last scene of Chapter 2, I see that Haru didn't ever pick up on "topics you don't bring up around the dinner table". :V

It occurred to Haru that she might be acting like a huge jerk. But she was still in shock, dwelling on the idea of a whole group of pokemon hunting, let alone a society, as opposed to a loosely associated group of wildeners! The idea of anyone hunting down innocent pokemon, and trying to justify it, made her blood boil. There was plenty to go around, right? Mandi’s business proved that, did it not?

Narrator: "There isn't enough to go around. You just haven't realized that yet."

Speaking of Mandi’s business…

“Sorry,” she said bluntly, in a tone that suggested that she was not very sorry at all. “Anyways, this is Mandi’s.”

She stopped in front of a small, plain wooden shack. It was old, but still looked to be in good condition other than a worn paint job. Mandi probably had not spent much time worrying about that. What really sat the building apart from the others they had passed on the way, however, was the entrance. Instead of the usual open doorway, or cloth covering at best, the entrance was covered by two separate wooden doors hinged at the top. One was quite big, obviously built for larger customers, while the other one was small and looked to be made with smaller and weaker pokemon in mind. A quick glance back made it clear just how far they had walked; the town square was completely out of sight now, and the forest beyond that was barely a dot on the horizon.

Neat little architectural quirk there. It feels like a pretty sensible design feature given... yeah, there's a lot of size and morphological variance to Pokémon.

Haru led the way inside. As she pushed her way past the wooden door, the movement set off a bell, prompting a voice to call from inside, “I’ll be with you in just a minute!”

She heard Nip quietly shuffle in behind her. The room they stepped into was surprisingly clean, if mostly empty. There was a counter at the far end with both a tall and short portion, made from carefully carved and polished stone. Above her, she could see a hole cut in the roof that light leaked through; likely an entrance for any flying types that could not easily push one of the doors open. Beyond the counter was another doorway, this one just covered by a cloth like most. There were even a couple sweet-smelling potted plants next to the counter and a couple stools and woven mats. Everything seemed relatively normal for a shop.

Except for the smell.

Even with plants to help mask it, and the curtain to help contain it, Haru could pick up the scent of blood and the stench of death. It made her hair stand on end. Nip, perhaps unsurprisingly, seemed rather undisturbed.

- Nip's stomach growls -
Haru: "Okay seriously, can you stop that?" >_>;
Nip: "Given that I haven't had a bite to eat beyond a couple of medicinal berries in the last day, what on earth did you expect to happen there in a place that smells this strongly of food?"
:gardexhausted:


Finally, after what felt like forever to the poor bidoof, Mandi emerged from the backroom, thankfully cleaned up.

The bird that waddled inside was nearly four times Haru’s size, her head nearly devoid of feathers with a thick, tan, feathery collar around her neck.

“Ah, Miss Haru!” The mandibuzz said in a cheerful voice. “Never thought I’d see you visiting my little shop. Either you’re here to help that sorry looking sneasel over there, or you’ve suddenly grown a taste for meat. What can I help you with?”

Haru thought it best to ignore the sorry excuse for a light-hearted joke. “I am here to help the sneasel, actually. This is Nip. He’s from some far-off place and is looking for a... meal more to his tastes. We’re hoping you could help him out.”

I actually forget how canonically scavengers are seen in this setting. But given Haru's thought process there and how opinionated Twi was in Chapter 2, I'll take the under on Mandi not being seen as shifty and untrustworthy by a huge chunk of Theran Village.

Mandi: "Wow, rude. That was a perfectly fine way to kick up a little smalltalk!" >v>
Haru: "Er... those were my inner thoughts and you weren't supposed to hear that? (And most 'mons here are happy sticking to berries and vegetables, thanks.)"
:fearfullaugh~1:


Mandi seemed to catch on immediately. “Of course, dear heart,” she said in a sing-song tone before turning her attention to the sneasel. “So, what kind of flavor are you in the market for? We have a couple rattata ready to go, just brought ‘em in this morning and already checked them over for disease. If you’re more a fan of the watery taste, I have a remoraid I could sell ya that Vale found a couple days back. Or I have a bit of ponyta flank left. Everything else is still being processed I’m afraid.”

:sceptical:

Boy does that read differently after knowing what's really going on. But I actually wonder if Mandi's privvy to what's really going down or if she's being kept out of the loop.

“Oh, I haven’t had fish in forever. I could go for some of the remoraid.” He paused, considering a word that stuck out in her statement. “Er… what do you mean, processed?”

“Ah, you really must have come from somewhere far off. All the meat vendors around here are required to process any bodies they bring in and check with neighboring towns to see if any unfortunate souls are missing, so their bodies can be returned for a proper burial instead of being salvaged. Enforcer’s Union rules.”

“Do you have no way to tell that you aren’t hunting pokemon from neighboring… villages, then?”

“Hunt?” she squawked. “Oh, goodness! Everything we bring in is scavenged. It would be unbecoming at best to hunt others. Every pokemon that’s brought in here died of causes out of our control. They could be of something natural like old age, or something less natural like drowning or being unfortunate enough to cross a territorial wildener’s path.”

Very, very exact words there given how it comes out that scavengers like Mandi get some of their -ahem- materials in this setting later on.

“Do they have ways of knowing who belongs to what tribe where you’re from?” Haru asked.

“Of course! Every tribe marks their members with something. Dyeing fur or skin with berry juices are the most common ways, but some of them use more permanent marks, like specific scars or piercings. Hunting down another tribe could start a skirmish; everyone knows better than to do that.”

Haru looked the sneasel over. “So, what’s your mark then?”

“We typically use half-circle markings and occasionally asymmetrical lines.” Nip shifted his weight off of his injured leg. “But, er… mine were washed off during my travels, and I haven’t bothered to reapply them.

Haru:

Nip: "Look, can we just hurry up and get me lunch and stop nitpicking on me stumbling for all of a second over my explanation?" >_>;

The bidoof mentally stored that information away. “Interesting… but we’re getting sidetracked, sorry.”

“It’s all fine,” Mandi said. “Now, for the next question. Do you just want that dethawed to prepare yourself? Or did you have a specific preparation in mind? I assure you, Zylar is quite skilled in all sorts of preparation techniques. He can do it as a filet or on the bone. He has equipment for grilling, frying, baking… you name it.”

“Why would you cook perfectly good meat?”

“To reduce the risk of contamination, dear. But I assure you, we keep everything frozen so that it lasts longer.”

“Is it really that old?”

“You never know with scavenged meat. Usually, it’s not that old, but we believe in playing things safe.”

Nip: "... I think I'm losing my appetite in real-time." 🤢
Haru: "(Oi, you're not the one who has to sit through listening all the creepy things that are being done to dead body parts here!)" >_>;

For a moment, Nip hesitated. “Fine, fine. Just dethaw it, I guess. And I guess you might as well cut out the bones if you’re going that far.”

The mandibuzz bobbed her head cheerfully a few times. “You got it! I’ll get Zylar on it right away!” With that, the bird turned to shimmy back towards the back room, squawking out an order to whoever Zylar might have been, leaving Haru and Nip in an awkward silence.

Nip watched the doorway that Mandi had disappeared through, and when it became obvious that she would be a while he instead hobbled over to one of the stools, looking it over for a moment before taking a seat himself. Haru followed after, choosing one of the mats.

She was starting to feel rather uncomfortable with the whole situation. Maybe she shouldn’t have offered to give him the tour after all. Without thinking, she mumbled, “How… do you live with yourself?

Wow, rude.

Nip: "... Are Pokémon from these 'villages' normally this judgmental and ignorant of the basic workings of nature?"
:GrumpNip:

Haru: "Are Pokémon from your 'tribes' normally creeps that kill Pokémon and eat their flesh raw?" >.<

The sneasel shot her an unamused glare. Crap. Maybe she should have worded that better. But the words were already coming out of her mouth. “Like… hunting. How do you live with yourself knowing you cut someone’s life short. You’ve cut several lives short, all for the sake of eating when you could have… I don’t know, not done that? At least I’m assuming you’re eating, and not just hunting for sport.”

Oh hey, I was onto something with that emote. :V

Nip: "Because the alternative for me was literally starvation?" >:|
Haru: "But you can just eat gu-"
Nip: "Those. Don't. Exist. In. This. Setting." >_>;
Haru: "... Right. (Even if I hate him having a point, I should know better than to bring up sidesteps we don't have.)" >.<

Nip was silent for several moments, staring down the Bidoof. When he finally responded his tone was cold. “No. Hunting for sport would be cruel, but there is no way that we could have sustained everyone on this ‘scavenging’ concept. Not while competing for territory with rival tribes as well.” He paused to shake his head. “Death is inevitable. And while I agree that killing for sport is wasteful and wrong, taking a life to be able to live is just the way the world works. Just as we hunt other mon to survive, other mon would kill us if it meant they would live.”

Nip: "And yes, I'm starting to realize I should've opened up with this argument about 5 minutes ago, but better late than never." >_>;

She quickly sensed that she would get nowhere with this. So, she opted to drop the subject, turning her head. It was silent again, for a time. Hoping to brighten things up, she asked, “so, what is the climate like where you come from?”

For a moment, he seemed to consider whether he wanted to answer. “Cold,” he finally said. “Well, cold in comparison to here, I mean. Where I come from, snow is not uncommon by this time of year. It was forested, where I lived. Live. To the north, there are mountains. We don’t travel up there - Tempest always warned that the tribe up there was even less receptive to outsiders than us.”



I mean, I dunno how long it'll take. But I'm fully expecting we'll run into those guys at some point before the story winds down.

“Hold on, back up please. Who’s Tempest?”

“He was - still is, I suppose - my mentor. A majestic ninetales. He was adopted into our tribe at a young age, orphaned after his father, Snow Weaver, vanished. He never really talked about it, so I did not force the matter. He taught me much of what I know.”

D'aww, Nip's cute when he's in "gush about your heroes" mode.

“Including how to hunt?”

The blunt interjection earned Haru another sharp glare. She muttered a quick apology, if only because she had not meant to bring the issue back up.

I'm beginning to understand why Saku is so quick to thump the table when impolitic conversation comes up with Haru, since... yeah. This girl has a way of really pushing others' buttons.
:loltias:


“If you must know. He taught most of my hunting skills, yes. And most of my battle skills as well. I would consider myself a seasoned fighter, and one of the better in the tribe, thanks to him.”

youre_serious_futurama.gif


Reminder that you picked a losing fight with a Kangaskhan, Nip.

Thankfully, before she could stick her foot further in her mouth, Mandi returned to the counter, this time followed by a cubone in a cloth apron, carrying a bundle wrapped in wax paper. Haru recoiled when she noticed the bloodstains on the cubone’s apron.

I mean, would she really rather have seen something like a Scyther strutting in with blood still on his blades instead? :V

Nip rose from his seat, meeting with the cubone across the short counter.

“Your order,” the cubone said quietly. “It’s ready. Take it.”

“Ah, thanks. Er… what’s your name, again?”

“Zylar.”

“Thank you then, Zylar,” the sneasel said before backing away with the package in his claws, already starting to tear into the paper.

“Pleasure doing business with you two!” Mandi chirped. “Now, about payment… That would be ten poke for the meat, add five for the dethaw, and two for the cut… that’ll be seventeen poke.”

Nip: "Seventeen what now?"
:what:

Haru: "You know? Poke? Money? Something that everyone has to some extent-?"
Nip: "Reminder that your entire way of life is alien to me and that I literally have no possessions on me right now."
Haru: "... Of course." >_>;

Haru glanced back to the sneasel - who had paused to stare dumbfoundedly at Mandi - as it suddenly occurred to her that he probably had no money. Did they even use poke where he came from? Who knew?

With a sigh, she pulled off her satchel. Fortunately, she always carried a little with her when she was around town. She dumped a few of the coins onto the counter, carefully counting out just enough for the meal. A glance back revealed that Nip had already sank his teeth into one of the slices of meat almost ravenously, without even cooking them! How weird. And kind of gross. Very gross, actually, to her.

With a quiet thanks to the shop keep she moved to exit back the way they had come.

Stars, please let the rest of the day go better.

That actually makes me wonder if Mandi and Zylar would find the way Nip's eating strange at all. Since depending on if it'd be particularly memorable or not, it might be worth slipping in a brief sentence of their reactions towards Nip just going to town on raw meat right in front of them.

Fortunately for Haru, most of the remainder of her tour went off without a hitch. She had the opportunity to show off some of the other shops, the guards’ hut and yard where the town guard trained and where many of them stayed, and even showed him the sprawling fields of berries and vegetables at the town’s edge. Nip had seemed to be in awe of just how much food they grew there.

Nip: "Except none of it's edible for me." >_>;
Haru: "Look, it works for the rest of us, okay?"
:gardexhausted:


But as the sun began to descend from the sky, there were still a few things left to show. Still, she had saved the temple for last, hoping that he might open up more about his home while there.

The two were now on their way up the path towards the temple, Haru leading the way, with Nip trailing a bit behind, his limp more pronounced than it had been in the morning. She paused when he started falling too far behind.

As he finally caught up, she spoke up. “Do you need a break? We can stop for a bit if you need to.”

The sneasel responded with grit teeth and shook his head. “I’m. Fine,” he huffed. He glanced up the street and, noticing a building up ahead, pointed it out.

I take it that even before his falling out with home, that Nip's tribe didn't look highly on displays of weakness.

“Is that. The place?”

Haru turned her head to the building he was pointing at. It was more isolated than most of the village’s huts, and far bigger too. The land around it was surrounded by a carefully placed wooden fence, four uniform horizontal planks making up each section.

“Oh, no that’s not the temple. That’s Mayor Jhorlo’s house.”

Nip: "Why would you devote this many resources to one Pokémon's house?"
:what:

Haru: "Because he's our mayor?"

“Is this… Mayor Jhorlo one of your village elders?”

“Er… No. He’s just our Mayor.”

“Oh, Mayor is his title. I see. What is a ‘mayor?’”

“He’s sort of like… the guy in charge of making sure everything runs safely and efficiently here,” Haru explained.

[ ]

“Oh, so he is not an elder, but his function is similar to one. I understand.”

It probably makes sense to drop in at least one description paragraph in this segment here to better show of one of Haru or Nip's reaction since they're presenting glimpses of two very different worlds to each other. I selected a spot that would work well for one from Nip's perspective.

Nip: "Just saying, if one of the elders tried to steer this much stuff towards himself, I'm pretty sure he'd be run out of the tribe." >_>;
Haru: "Look, we've established that things work differently from your home here, alright?" >.<

“I… guess? Are these elders something important in your tribe?”

“The tribe’s leadership is made up of the elders,” Nip explained. “Pokemon that have been fortunate to survive into their twilight years, that choose to impart their… wisdom. To the rest of the tribe.”

Haru took a moment to digest that. And to digest the hesitance in his voice. “Are you okay?”

He blinked at her a couple times. “It is nothing important, it’s fine,” he finally said. “Well, I have no need to learn about this mayor’s house. The shrine must be further ahead?”

Narrator: "It's something really important."

“O-oh. Of course.” With that, Haru took the lead again, traveling in silence for some time until another building came into view.

This one also stood out from most of the other city village architecture. While most of the houses had been built out of wood and clay, and occasionally cobbled together stones, this building was made of slabs of carefully carved stone. It was square in shape, with intricately designed pillars, depicting the stories of Regigigas that she’d heard her whole life. Stories of the titan dragging the continents and islands into place, of him forming the golems. Of the golems taking their place resting in the mountains, protecting Regigigas’ “Tomb,” the shrine supposedly somewhere deep in the peak where they slumbered. Haru could not help but have her doubts.

Nip, on the other hand, seemed entranced by the design. By the stone building and all its art. The two made their way up the ramp leading into the building through a huge open entryway.

Nip: "Is this 'reflexive doubt of the gods' existence' thing also common here? How on earth is this place not awe-inspiring to you?"
:what:

Haru: "Yeah, no. I wish it was common here." >_>;

The inside was lit with a combination of candles and of the luminescent plant life that many of the villagers used in their home. The building was mostly empty, save for a pair of pokemon. The first was a reserved lucario, a broom in hand, sweeping away dirt and leaves that had managed to blow in through the entrance. The second was a hawlucha, her arms crossed as she spoke quietly with the lucario. She was the first to notice the visiting pair, tilting her head up slightly to signify to the lucario that they were no longer alone. The lucario turned his head to look back towards the duo, his eyes widening slightly in surprise.

“Haru, is that you? I never expected to see you here.”

Nip: "I see your reputation precedes you. Or do you just loudly blab on about how you don't believe in the gods to everyone you come into contact with?"
Haru: "Oi, it's not everyone, alright?" >.<

It seemed like that was the theme of the day. “Good afternoon, Anu, Whisper.” She nodded her head in the direction of both pokemon. “I, um, this is Nip. The sneasel we found the other day. He said he’s on some sort of spiritual journey, so I offered to show him the shrine.”

Only then did Anu seem to notice the sneasel standing beside her. “O-oh, o-of course! Good afternoon, sir.” He paused when the hawlucha, Whisper, interrupted him, mentioning something to him quietly before taking her leave. She brushed her claws against the lucario’s shoulder before she left. Whatever she said, it seemed to fluster Anu.

He turned his attention solely to the sneasel. “A-Anyways. So, tell me, what made you make this journey you’re on. Are you a follower of the great Regigigas? Or perhaps of his titanic creations?”

I see that Anu is a +Spd, -Atk Lucario. Either that, or just very, very bad at speaking to strangers.
:blepgia:


Nip quietly shook his head. “Not directly. The name Regigigas is… vaguely familiar, though I know little more than that.”

The lucario seemed taken aback for a moment but smiled regardless. “I suppose I should not expect much more from a foreign mon. Every part of our world has their own culture, after all. It’s to be expected that pokemon from other places would have limited information about Regigigas. So, tell me. Who do you follow?”

“My tribe follows the legends of the trio of balance. However, Yveltal is our patron deity. Our neighboring tribes though, the ones we are friendly with, pay tribute more specifically to Zygarde and Xerneas.

I'm actually curious as to what those tribes' cultures are like given... yeah, those are some pretty different domains compared to Yveltal's.

The lucario smiled weakly. “I’m afraid I haven’t heard of them. I would love to hear more about them sometime, but I’m afraid now is not the time, as I need to finish clearing the shrine of debris before the evening patrons come in to pay their respects.”

Haru: "(That's... probably a good thing from what I've heard so far of Nip's patron.)"
:fearfullaugh~1:


Now it was the sneasel’s turn to act surprised. “Really? No one down here has heard of them?”

Anu shook his head. “I don’t know for sure, but I would be surprised. Not even the passerby explorers have ever mentioned them. Where did you say you were from?”

“The northern mountains. On the other side of… I believe your healer called it the Great Misty Canyon?”

The lucario let out a hum. “Oh! That would explain it. Last I heard, the Expedition Society only just started making plans for a permanent outpost on the other side. Information is… quite limited, if they haven’t been there yet. Not many explorers travel north of the canyon.

I actually don't remember how true that statement is or not in actuality, but... yeah that's an ominous statement there regardless of if that's the reality of things or not since Nip's home culture is very different from Theran Village's, and I can't imagine the two would get along well normally.

“Regardless, you are free to stay here for a while, if you would like. We have a small room to your left for visitors that wish to pay their respects to their own deities.” Anu gestured to another large doorway to the side him, leading to another dimly lit room. Haru could make out a handful of candles on a stone slab, as well as a few other items that she couldn’t identify from here.

“I appreciate it, thank you.” With a dip of his head, the sneasel limped past the lucario and into the room.

Haru: "(Oh thank the stars, for a moment, I was worried that he'd have to bunk with me and Toshi.)" >_>;

In hopes of passing the time, Haru turned her attention to Anu, who had returned to sweeping. “So,” she started, “How are things with you and Whisper? I believe your egg should be close to hatching, right?”

The lucario looked up with a surprised expression, then quickly busied himself with sweeping again, a tiny smile on his face. “We were talking about that, actually. Whisper thinks we have another moon or so to wait. She was heading over to check with Tor when she left.”

Small typo there.

Sensing how flustered Anu was, Haru just gave him a quick hum before turning her attention to the display beyond. The main statue on the shrine was of Regigigas. Unlike most everything else, his statue had been molded from bronze. Or at least coated in it. Metal could be a bit hard to come by. And metal-workers were even rarer, so getting the statue built had to have taken a lot of work and money.

Hey, feels a bit familiar there. Even if this is more a function of Theran Village's specific situation and not a "world at large" problem. :V

A few offerings lay at the feet of the statue. She still had no clue what Anu did with those, but she remembered them disappearing from time to time when her dad used to bring her and Toshi, back when they were younger.

Om nom nom nom. Whether by Anu and Whisper, or them passing them along to someone else.

In front of the statue of Regigigas were three smaller statues of his titans, the golems of rock, ice, and steel. Unlike the first statue, these were only made of stone, though they had been painted. Or at least, they had been at one time; much of the paint that had covered them had chipped and weathered away over time, and never been replaced. Anu once told her there used to be more, but their names and appearance had been erased from history, for reasons no one knew.

Wait, was that a thing that predated the Galar Regis? Or was that patched in after they got revealed?

Her attention turned up to the wall behind the statues. Although there was little light to make them out with, she could see the bits of the paintings of the creation trinity, and the single egg painted in the middle. Of all the gods, those were the only ones she could believe might exist. No other explanation had come up for the creation of mystery dungeons, after all.

inb4 there is an alternative explanation lying around.

Deciding to not dwell on stories and memories that would sour her mood, she began to make her way over to where Nip had gone, to see if he had finished whatever he was doing.

He had not. As she approached the room, she could make out the outline of the sneasel in the dim light. He was sitting with his legs almost crossed, his claws in his lap. She suspected that his eyes were closed, but she could not tell from here. As she got closer, she began to make out bits and pieces of something that he was mumbling.

“Do I disgust you, Yveltal? …I don’t know how much longer I can keep running. Yveltal, if you hold any favor for me still after what I did, let me make it someplace safe.

I see you were hinting that something was seriously wrong with Nip's background even this far back.

Haru: "... Yeah, I don't even want to know."
:fearfullaugh~1:


Haru backed away slowly. Perhaps it meant little. Perhaps she should not be quick to judge. But something about that sentence rubbed her the wrong way. She forced herself to calm down. It was probably nothing. She hoped.

Haru: "Again. I don't even want to know." >_>;

She waited by the entrance, ruminating on the feelings until the sneasel finally emerged, a hard to read expression on his face.

“Thank you for waiting for me,” he mumbled.

“No… no problem,” she said, trying to not avert her gaze. “We should… probably go back to Lecha’s, huh? It’s getting late, and she’ll probably want to apply fresh bandages.”

He grunted an agreement before beginning to make his way back down the ramp. Haru followed behind at a slower pace, her mind dwelling on what she overheard, and what little she knew about Nip. He had said before that he was on a spiritual pilgrimage. Perhaps it had some truth to it, but what he said suggested he was running from something, or someone. And based on what Anu said, there was no knowledge of Yveltal down here, which would suggest that he was not here to find something about them. So, it raised the question.

If he was not really on some sort of pilgrimage, what had he come all the way here for?

Nip: "L-Look, nothing precludes me from going off into the great unknown in search of my god, okay?" >_>;
Haru: "But you very clearly said you wanted to make it somewhere safe."
:sceptical:

Nip: "I'm... hoping to find my god someplace safe? Those aren't exactly mutually exclusive desires, after all.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Twilight was perhaps the liveliest time of day in the forest. As sleepy pokemon made their way back to their nests and shelters, out came the kricketot and kricketune, singing their evening songs. Out came the volbeat and illumise, dancing their twilight dance. And out came the nocturnal pokemon – hoothoot and sneasel, murkrow and morelull – all waking for evening activity.

As dusk began to settle in, a particular kangaskhan was settling down in her carefully constructed shelter. Today had been quiet; no pokemon had been foolish enough to try fighting her. No threat had been stupid enough to trespass on her territory. Few would have the nerve to try fighting a kangaskhan. Fewer survived to tell the story.

Well, Nip did, but she doesn't know that. :V

Also, small typo there.

But as she tried to settle in, a sense of unease overcame her. Something was wrong. It took only a few seconds before she realized the forest around her had silent silent. No chirps, no buzzing, not even the rustle of a rattata dashing from bush to bush. She gently rubbed a paw over the egg hidden in her pouch, as if worried it would no longer be there. Slowly she stood back up, sniffing at the air, peering deep into the undergrowth.

Oh, so that's what got Nip into trouble.
:hoodLUL:


Suddenly, she heard something burst from the bushes behind her.

By the time she spun around, they were already upon her. She felt a powerful set of jaws clamp down on her leg.

She let out a howl and tried to shake the pokemon free, swinging her leg wildly. The pokemon did not let go; if anything, they bit down harder. She caught a glance of cream and black in the fading sun. She could not easily reach down to bite, so she did the next best thing she could think of to do. She took a deep breath, focusing energy into her left hand. It became alight with fire, a technique she had learned from her father. In one swift strike, she struck the jaws that had clamped down on her leg. The blow was just enough to dislodge her assailant, sending them flying in an arc when she swung her leg again.

The other pokemon landed on their feet a short distance away, finally giving the kangaskhan a chance to look over her opponent. She was tiny, only coming up to the kangaskhan’s thigh. But just as big as her body was the massive second set of jaws that protruded from the top of her head. Besides the black and cream, a red curved design had been dyed into the fur on her chest. Another design, a spiral, had been dyed around her right arm.

Oh, hello Umbra.

The kangaskhan let out a huff. “Try to attack me, eh?” she roared. “You ain’t any bigger than that sneasel I smashed up. You’ll crumple just as easy!

15 words spoken seconds from disaster. Well, for the Kangaskhan.

For a second, the mawile seemed caught off guard by the statement. But then her resolve strengthened. She dashed forward head-first.

The kangaskhan was faster. When the mawile had almost reached her, she spun, swinging her tail in hopes of knocking her attacker off balance. It connected, tripping up the mawile and throwing off her momentum. But it did not keep her down for long. As soon as she had her balance, she dashed again, this time springing up. The kangaskhan brought her hands up defensively, protecting her chest from the brunt of the steely headbutt. Even so, despite the small pokemon’s stature, the force of the blow made her skid back a few inches, kicking up leaf litter and dust.

Umbra: "Still think I'm just going to crumple up easily on you?" >:|

By the time the mawile landed. she had already begun her next attack. As the mawile sprang again, this time with her second pair of jaws arced forward to bite the kangaskhan focused just long enough to allow her hand to become alight with flames once more. Jaw made contact with flame. The kangaskhan felt jagged teeth graze her arm, only for them to be knocked away as her fist connected. The mawile was knocked sprawling backwards, bouncing in the grass. She did not move.

The kangaskhan let out a triumphant roar and turned her back.

Then she felt a blow to the back of her head.

She whipped back around. The mawile was gone.

Yeah, this is why you don't stop to gloat until you're absolutely sure you've defeated your enemies.

Another blow, this time to her flank. She tried to whip around, but the mawile was already gone again. Another blow to the head. She let out a frustrated roar, snapping at the air.

She turned her head back. The mawile was already upon her, striking her directly in the stomach with anther headbutt, knocking her off-balance. As she desperately tried to regain keep her footing, she felt teeth snapping at her heels. She stumbled, falling back onto her back.

The mawile was on top of her in an instant. She felt teeth sink around her neck. At any second, she expected the pokemon to rip her throat open.

But it never came. Instead the mawile remained there, staring her down with a cold look in her eyes.

“I had planned to kill you,” the mawile began, “but… something you said interests me.”

Kangaskhan: "How on earth did you-?" O_O;
Umbra: "Practice. Now are you going to answer me, or am I going to need to cut things short for you?"

The kangaskhan tried to raise a fist. The teeth sank in deeper.

“Do not try my patience. You said something about a sneasel earlier. Tell me, what did he look like?”

Sensing the danger, she and her unborn child were in, the kangaskhan began to stutter, fumbling over her words. “I-I- yes! The-the sneasel! He was kind of a gre- a grey brown! W-with weirdly colored feathers. Y-yeah, they weren’t red like they usually are!”

Kangaskhan: "Y-You wouldn't hurt an expecting mother, would you?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Umbra: "One, I'm already hurting you. Two, that sort of appeal doesn't work when you tried to kill me 30 seconds ago!" >:|

The mawile narrowed her eyes. The jaws dug a little deeper. “And what did you do to him?”

He- he tried to steal my egg! S-so so I made sure he wou-wouldn’t be able to do that again, see?”

I'd totally forgotten about this part, but... yeah, I see that my Salandit emote earlier was well-placed.
:loltias:


The pressure relieved slightly. “Did he, now? Tell me, did you kill him?”

“I-I don’t know, he tried to drag himself off but- I never saw the body, I swear! I just left him to be picked off. He might’a survived!”

The mawile seemed to consider it for a moment before finally pulling her jaws away, only to strike at the kangaskhan’s shoulder, digging fangs in and ripping a bit of flesh away as she tore it open, making the normal-type shriek in pain.

“Something to remember me by,” she grunted with one last look at the kangaskhan before hopping down. “If I see you again, you won’t escape with your life.”

Uh... considering how Umbra just tore that wildener's shoulder open, it's debatable as to how well she's going to escape with her life here since there's no meaningful medical treatment inna-wilds beside playing amateur doctor with berries.
:fearfullaugh~1:


She began to walk away, leaving the kangaskhan to tend to her wound. She could have killed her; she had planned to in the first place. But it would have been such a waste, with only herself to feed. And besides, the kangaskhan had given her valuable information, valuable enough that she considered sparing her life a fair trade.

I mean technically she can limp her way to Theran Village for medical treatment if desperate enough. But unless if I'm missing something here, Umbra kinda just put that Kangaskhan into a situation where she might very easily succumb to infection later on. So 'sparing' is a bit overly generous a term there. ^^;

Nip was nearby. And if he was alive, he could not have gotten far.

Ah yes. Totally bodes well for the well-being and lifespan of our visiting stranger. Along with a number of other villagers in the process. :V

Alright, my final thoughts:

I think that Chapter 3 did a pretty good job at teeing up the main (initial) conflict of the story, and I definitely picked up on some cues about who the characters were and what was going on with them/what they'd wind up getting into going through the chapter a second time.

I don't have a whole lot of criticisms that I didn't already outline earlier on in the writeup. Maybe Haru was a tad judgmental and closed-minded, but that's just a character trait of hers in general and she hails from a fairly sheltered village (or as far as she knows), and I'm pretty sure her getting past that is supposed to be a major character arc, so I can't really complain too much about it.

Good luck with the story and with Review Blitz, @windskull . I'm looking forward to getting another chapter or two under my belt before the curtain call next week. ^^
 
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Virgil134

PMD Writer
Partners
  1. sylveon
  2. weavile
  3. kommo-o
  4. noivern
  5. mothim
Chapter 17

Muse looked up towards Shimmer, locking eyes with her. For a moment she was lost in those eyes, and her heart ached to tell Shimmer all her worries, like she used to. But something held her back. She couldn’t tell her. Not yet. The throb in her horn forbade it, made her fear the consequences, scared her of hurting her dearest friend. So, she took a deep breath and, as she always had, hid the pain.

Yeah… with how impulsive and immature Shimmer is you probably don’t wanna tell her something this serious first. I feel like she’d probably mess things up while trying to do the right thing.

Though gonna go ahead and guess that what Muse saw is related to our friends from across the sea.

As she drifted off, an idea came to her. Someone that, while perhaps not ideal, she felt she could at least trust to help.

Whisper perhaps? She’s the most truthworthy authority figure around town. Alternatively, maybe she’ll ask Haru for help.

He came for another pass just as she arrived, giving Haru the chance to see Nip shrink back when he dove, as if he expected to be carried off like a piece of prey. For the briefest heartbeat, she felt a pang of pity, before reminding herself that he didn’t deserve sympathy.

He could use a little fear, anyways, she thought.

I still think Haru is right here. It sometimes feel like the other characters care way too much about Nip’s feelings, even that really shouldn’t matter after he ate an unborn child.

Also "piece of prey" sounds kinda awkward to me, but I’m not sure what to suggest there instead.

He stood on his hind paws for a moment, then ran over to greet Haru with an affectionate headbutt.

“Hey, sis, what are you doing here?” he asked after taking a step back.

I’m glad to see these two getting along again, since they’ve definitely had some rough moments the past few chapters.

Now that he mentioned it… Nip didn’t look as well kept as usual. His fur truck up in spots, as if he hadn’t groomed properly in days, and he worked quietly and sluggishly without looking up.

Her attention was turned back to Toshi as he continued. “Even if you’re not concerned by Nip, think about everyone else affected by this. I know how you feel about pokemon like Celebi or Regigigas, but all those stories are important to some pokemon. I mean… think about how shaken up Anu must be, on top of everything he and Whisper have already been through in the past moon.”

Yeah, I’d imagine Celebi’s appearance must have really messed with perceived the Legendaries given that he turned out to be almost the complete opposite of how they saw Legendaries before this.

“Hey! Look who it is! Hi Haru!”

Poor Haru just can’t catch a break XD

“Look, don’t worry about it Haruru. Tempest’s nice. He’s a surprisingly nice conversationalist, even if he’s still getting the hang of things.”

I think I’m actually with Shimmer on this one. Nip has done some unforgiving things, but Tempest seems like a good ‘mon and given their past it’s understandable why he’s a little defensive of Nip. Plus from what I’ve seen from him in Blacklight, I think it would be fun to see him able to communicate again.

The scratching sounded again. She cracked the door open only a sliver.

“…Muse?”

Ah, looks like it really was Whisper who Muse was thinking of!

“It’s… a lot. It’s hard to talk about. The premonitions worsened after Celebi appeared. And then… last night. Last night I… I had another one. A premonition within my dreams. A horrible nightmare of death and destruction. I… I don’t know who causes it, or even who I could trust. Telling the wrong person could lead us all to our doom.”

Muse tilted her head up, staring at Whisper with a fierceness that threatened to make her heart stop. “All I know is that I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t even know if it can be stopped. And that. That terrifies me.”

Aw, that’s the end of the chapter already? Kinda wish more would have been revealed here, since it took a while for Muse to get to the point (probably a bit more than what was needed), and now when it looks like she’s about to tell what she saw, the chapter suddenly ends.

That said, I did like the chapter and thought it was good, even though I feel like it should have been longer. Not a lot of note happened aside from Muse’s vision, but we don’t even find out what that vision entails. An extension with some sort of reveal at the end would really help make it a lot better I think. Nevertheless, I did enjoy reading what was there and I look forward to the next chapter.
 

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
All right, back to wrap up the second arc. It feels like we're right on the threshold to a big change in the story! It feels like there's still plenty to wrap up in Theran village, primarily to do with whatever's happening with Jhorlo, so I'm curious how that's come together before we move on to the next phase of the fic. Rewarding to see Celebi actually show up properly here, too, and presumably mark the start of the story's larger plot unfolding.

Haru really cannot be in the same room as Nip for more than two minutes without starting to antagonize him, can she? I suppose she still feels rather personally victimized by his betrayal and frustrated that his answers just make no sense according to her own worldview. It was fun to see her get some pushback on how she's been behaving recently beyond Whisper just telling her to leave all the time (the chapter title is "Consequences" and I was like, "ooh, my favorite thing"), and from someone she actually likes and respects. It hasn't seemed to have any dramatic effect so far, with Haru still being stuck pretty soundly in her opinions, but I like that this arc was intent on challenging her assumptions both through people's different opinions on Nip/Tempest and now with Celebi's arrival. I definitely know the pain of stubborn characters who take a very long time to change, but I'm hopeful that we'll start to see at least a little movement with Haru in the near future. After all, if you find yourself sharing any substantial number of your opinions with Vale, oof, that's definitely a sign that you need to take a step back and reevaluate your life, friend. (I definitely enjoyed that little interaction.)

Nip felt a bit more static during this section of the story. He's pretty stuck, physically and emotionally, and kind of treading water until something comes along to force him in a new direction. He clearly has no intention of adopting the village's beliefs, and they're frankly doing an awful job of "rehabilitating" him, so no surprise there, and he continues to be terrified of Umbra and what might happen to him if he even managed to escape. Unlike Umbra, he doesn't even seem to be waiting for an opening to get away so much as lying low and hoping this will all blow over somehow. And he's definitely right that this shaky status quo can't endure forever! Clearly something's going to have to punt him back into the plot, because he isn't working to get back there himself. This general stuck-ness did make some of his sections feel a bit repetitive or unnecessary to me; for example, I think a section or two with him doing his construction work makes sense for us to see how his rehabilitation is(n't) going and how the villagers treat him, but I don't think we needed quite so much of it as we got, especially not when it unspooled into secondary characters discussing the logistics of reinforcing the nursery and such. For me, the standout Nip scene (and one of my favorites in this section) was his conversation with Anu; there it really felt like we were getting a fresh outlook on his situation and that Nip was forced to think and reflect a bit more, rather than simply hanging out and trying not to attract notice.

I had hoped that Tempest might shake things up in the village when he appeared, so I was a bit disappointed that we actually end up seeing very little of him; no POV sections, and he basically has been locked up in his cell or out doing community service separate from Nip, so we've really seen very minimal interaction between them. His appearance has kind of put Nip on a timer, with about a month before the two get reassessed and their ultimate fate decided, but it otherwise doesn't seem to have done much for the plot, either. I'm guessing that Tempest had to show up when he did so you have all the characters where you need them at the start of the next plot arc, but I wonder if it might have been better to introduce him a bit later on; up to now, it kind of feels like there hasn't been a lot of payoff for his arrival. More time with him + Nip together is definitely one of my big wants for future chapters!

Celebi's warning is the most useless ever, lol. "Something big's gonna happen! Some weird pokémon are going to show up and wreck shit, you'll know them when you see them! Good luck with that, bye!" Why did Dialga bother? It sounds like the fire and destruction episode we saw during Celebi's journey is most likely in the future, so... That would certainly be quite the inciting event to get the plot moving away from Theran village! I wonder what these strange foreign pokémon are supposed to be--maybe a group from another part of the world, so merely members of a very clearly distinct culture, or are we going, like Ultra Beast levels of foreign, heh. I also thought it was funny that even after Celebi explicitly said that Nip wasn't who he was talking about, the villagers are immediately worried about him again. Just looking for any excuse to get rid of the guy, really.

I'm intrigued by the emphasis on how different Celebi is from the old stories about them. An indication of something wrong with the stories, or with Celebi? I wonder if this world actually has multiple celebi, or if this is one of those where the legendary can be reborn/recruit a new version of themselves and this is still the only "Celebi" but literally a different person. Perhaps the gods withdrawing had something to do with a mass die-off that required a bunch of regeneration or recruitment and it's now a different set of people running the show, hmm.

This actually ended up being a relatively quiet arc which felt like it was more setup for future events than payoff in its own right. I'm expecting that things will really be picking up from here, and I'm curious where the next arc will take us--will it end with everybody in Theran Village the way the first two have, or will we be off on some other adventure? Nearly caught up now...
 

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
All right, I'm at the end of the published material, so this is the last review until you next update. Which I hope will be soon! You're already introducing some fascinating stuff this arc, and if this keeps up, I'm sure this next run of chapters will be a lot of fun. I'll start out with notes on these most recent two chapters and then wrap with some thoughts on the story as a whole so far.

This interlude was a lot of fun! I believe the sentret/zoroark/Mew were introduced in... your Myths and Legends contest one-shot, iirc? I know I've seen them before. I like that we're starting to get a more coherent picture of what's been hinted at over the past few chapters: there are factions trying to find the missing gods, presumably with good intent, and also pokémon out there hunting the gods with the intent of eliminating them. Namely the weird pokémon Celebi alluded to in his warning. It sounds like one of them might be a porygon? Other than that I didn't recognize any of the species mentioned; not sure if that's me being very bad at recognizing pokémon based on written descriptions or they're mutants/variants of some kind and I wouldn't be expected to anyway. And it sounds like there are also factions within the gods, some of which may be malevolent--or at least working counter to Mew's aims. More and more complexity! I like how here, as everywhere else in this story, we see a bunch of different people with different goals and attitudes; it feels more true to me than a simple good versus evil setup.

Also love that pokémon predation once again seems to be a big driver of the plot here. I had been wondering how all that was supposed to work in larger settlements, and it sounds like, uh, it kinda doesn't still? Yellow's sentencing all violent criminals to death so they can be EATEN??? YIKES YIKES YIKES. I suppose that's what would have happened to Nip if he'd been turned over to the Enforcers, hmm. I love the sense of the pokémon clinging to this desperately flawed--indeed unsustainable--system, and struggling to find some way to save it, because without it their society would literally come apart. Blue's hope that the pokémon north of the ravine will have found some sort of answer is heartbreaking, given what we know about life there from Nip. And that resentment of the gods for creating pokémon who are forced to eat other pokémon to survive is super real. I'm guessing they probably aren't actually responsible for that, or if so it was some kind of accident; the general vibe of this world to me is people struggling in a world that demands difficult choices and where no one, really, is to blame, and there isn't a simple solution. But I guess we'll see! There's loads of interesting stuff going on with the gods that I'm dying to hear more about.

All in all this was a great interlude and one of the standout chapters of the fic for me. Definitely looking forward to digging more into this situation and seeing more of the characters featured here later.

The first proper chapter of the next arc is comparatively much quieter. I'm glad to see some Muse POV here, as she remains the most mysterious of the main cast so far, and also absol are great. And of course, she's connected to whatever kind of Badness is going on with Jhorlo; the confirmation here that something went wrong with the Regigigas expedition that had a huge impact on the main cast's families and Theran Village overall is good to see and makes me hopeful that things will come to a head around that fairly soon.

I also appreciated the glimpse we get into the impact Celebi's appearance had on the village; love how that's thrown everybody off, especially the more devout pokémon. Celebi sure managed to make the worst possible impression on these poor folks. Other than that, we learn that Tempest has been working on his psychic abilities, which I hope means he may get to participate a bit more in the story soon; we'll see! Other than that, though, it doesn't feel like a great deal happened. I appreciate that Haru is starting to weaken, maybe a little, on Nip, but her conversations about him here felt similar to ones we've seen before. Meanwhile, Muse definitely confirms that something bad is coming, and soon, but doesn't give us much to go on in terms of what. The characters are still waiting... It won't be fun for them, but I hope whatever's hanging over their heads lands soon!

Some overall thoughts about the story so far, then.

This is a really interesting take on the Mystery Dungeon genre, one that goes a lot deeper than most into the worldbuilding and really asks about what it would take for all these different pokémon to live together in any kind of society, as well as what life would be like in a world home to catastrophically powerful beings who can change the course of history. (Or I'm guessing we'll get there, anyway; the gods have been rather absent and all up until now, of course!) This is the sort of stuff that's really fascinating to me, and I also love how you've answered these questions about the world not with a single "this is how it might work," but rather by showing multiple different approaches to life as a pokémon. Again, this is something that feels really true to life to me, and also more interesting than settling on a singular pokémon culture would be. It's also something that the canon really doesn't give us, so it's great to see you explore it here.

I also love how complex and gray you've chosen to make the world. There are no uncomplicated answers here--life in Theran Village is clearly fucked on some level, and life in larger settlements sounds quite fucked, but it's not like life in Nip's society sounds like it's particularly better, just fucked in different and exciting ways. (Same with living out in the wild!) Likewise, the characters don't fall neatly into black or white; there aren't any paragons of virtue here. Everyone's made mistakes, everyone has regrets, and everyone's just trying to do their best, even if sometimes their ultimate decisions turn out to be dire. Or, well, everyone's doing their best, except Jhorlo. I don't really see you managing to make him more of a straight villain at this point, but I'd give you huge props if you did! In general this feels like a story that rejects easy answers and tries to examine issues from multiple angles, both in how the world is constructed and what sorts of characters populate it. I'm not entirely sure what to make of all of them (Nip what the FUCK), but I like that people can have so many different takes on them precisely because they're not all good or all bad. (Fuck Jhorlo, tho.) Are their justifications good enough to outweigh what they've done or will do? That one's on you to decide. It makes reading other reviews and people's take on the different characters a lot of fun as well as seeing how they bounce off each other in the story.

All in all, I'd say the fic thus far has largely been about secrets, or about ugly truths that people turn away from because they can't bear the consequences of admitting them. Theran Village is founded on the principle that even carnivores don't have to be murderers to survive except oops, turns out that's not actually true, and it's only people looking the other way or being kept in the dark that allows its society to survive. We don't know as much about Nip's society, but it sounded like it may be founded on its own untruth, that if they work hard enough and do the right things, anyone can become a part of it and find safety there; that's the lie that seems to have thrown Nip's life out of whack. Meanwhile, the characters are keeping their own secrets--Muse, who fears sharing her visions, Shimmer, who puts on a ditzy facade to cover what she really feels, Tempest, who just straight up can't fucking talk, and even Ruffle, afraid of what would happen if her neighbors knew she worships Hoopa. I'm really looking forward to how this theme expands to a global scale with the gods coming into focus and where the greatest secret of all lies, the secret of why they disappeared and just what their role in the world truly is. I feel like some real hard truths are going to have to be faced as the characters learn more about their gods, and I'm super here for it.

However, the rate at which these secrets come to light has been a little slow for me, which brings me to the pacing. I imagine you're plenty tired of hearing about it, so I'm not going to harp. I think the initial arc of the story, structured around the egg theft and Nip's subsequent trial, worked pretty well, although there were some scenes that felt extraneous or repetitive. I think there was a lot that was revealed in the second arc that was important, most especially to do with Jhorlo's operation, but there wasn't really the same forward motion as there was in the first arc. There was certainly the sense that something was coming, but less clear movement in its direction. Celebi's appearance occupies the same place in this arc as Nip's trial did in the last, but whereas that was the culmination of events that had been going on since the beginning of the story, Celebi's arrival is explicitly a surprise to everyone: there's no build to it, and no secondary or subplot that steps in to fill the void while we're waiting for Celebi. Without that sense of forward motion, the second arc felt a bit like it was spinning its wheels to me.

You also have the problem of characters who really, really don't want to be part of a story. Haru explicitly wants to just go to work and cut down trees all day and be able to expect each day to be the same as the last. Nip would like nothing better than to be able to hunker down somewhere (preferably with Tempest, I think) and have everyone else forget about him. Muse seems to aspire to become one with the wallpaper. And so on. None of this is bad by any means! Believe me, I know the pain of working with stubborn characters who take a long time to develop and with reluctant characters who value their routine above all else. However, the fact that there aren't many very active characters to play off them--Toshi is the only one really coming to mind for me, and he is indeed refreshing, but has had very little focus so far--and the plot thus far hasn't really been forcing these characters into action means that life in Theran Village feels like it's fallen into a bit of a holding pattern. Clearly something huge is coming that's going to explode everybody's world and force them into action, but it's been on its way for several chapters now, and the tension of the knowledge of what's to come hasn't been enough to overcome the sometimes repetitive nature of what the characters have been up to chapter to chapter. I want to see all these wonderful characters get out there and do stuff, but they're the sort to need a push before they'll make that happen. If you can bring in some big event like Nip's egg theft in the first arc, something that forces them to respond, I think you'll be in good shape this arc.

That aside, though, this is a wonderful fic, and one that I'm glad I had the opportunity to catch up with. It's refreshing to see such a different take on the PMD world, and this is one of my favorite sorts of fics--one that really stands out as doing something new and different with a premise, and one that really feels as though it's one only its particular author could create. There's tons of promise of good things to come, and with the most recent interlude, it looks as though it may not be far off. Big props to you for writing this story--for really thinking about how the PMD world might work and how that might affect the people who live there--it's one to be proud of. Hope to keep a closer eye on future updates!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, giving the first of two more planned review bumps to this story before TR's Review Blitz winds down, this time featuring...

Chapter 4

Nip awoke when warm sunlight filtered down onto his nest from the window overhead. He stretched in the beams of light, letting out a silent yawn, raising his arms high above him, then sticking his legs out one at a time. As he stood up, he gave his injured leg an experimental stomp, winced, and grinned when the pain was little more a dull throb. Much of the pain had subsided in the four sunrises that had passed since he woke up in Lecha’s clinic. Perhaps he would have been healed quicker if he had not strained himself the last several days, running around the village, but the difference would have been minor.


... Do I want to know how much he and Haru have been annoying each other over that span of time? :V


Much of his last few days had been spent wandering the village alone, learning more about the inner workings of the community. Many things - including food - cost “money” or required trade, unlike the communal meals of home. And what was offered to him were mostly things he couldn’t digest: Grains and vegetables, as far from his diet as they could be. He’d gotten sick when he tried to cave and eat a meal with nothing but bread and potatoes and carrots, all things he had never eaten before. But he had no money with which to purchase more meat, and Haru had insisted that he would have to find a way to make money if he wanted more. His injuries had made hunting an unlikely scenario. He had curbed his hunger on extra oran berries, but only barely. And orans wouldn’t be enough, in the long run.


Not that I'd expect a small village to have a ton of resources to fund a social safety net, but "lol, get a job or starve, obligate carnivore" even while not in realistic condition to work sounds like kinda like a recipe for societal instability.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Or at least if Theran Village had more residents in Nip's boat.

But now? Today, he felt well enough that he might just stand a chance. Today, he planned to head to the outskirts of town, to the forest that Haru had pointed out. A good meal, a good night’s rest, and then he would be on his way.

He could not stay here forever, after all.

He didn’t even want to stay here forever, even if he could. They were too strict. Too stuffy. Too single-minded. Too much like the things he wanted to leave behind.


Ah yes, hinting that Nip isn't exactly on good terms with home there. Though it's interesting to see how over the course of 4 days, he's gone from "wow, this place is weird" to "... wow, this place is a lot like home, and not in a good way".

His mind wandered as he stepped out into the lobby. Haru was… okay, he supposed. She had been a bit obnoxious. But she spoke her mind more so than anyone else here. That much, he could appreciate.


Oh, so they have been annoying each other over the past 4 days.
:loltias:


He took pause when he stepped outside. Speak of the dark one themselves.

To his left, he noticed two bidoof standing a little way down the dirt path, conversing pointedly with each other. One he recognized to be Haru. The other, he assumed, must be her brother. He considered continuing without greeting them. But he supposed it would be rude. After all, she had not only been involved in his rescue, but also helped him understand how things worked in this odd little place. He should honor that.

As he grew closer, their voices became clearer.

“Are you sure you can’t get out of this?” He heard Haru groan.


Nip: "... I sure hope that's not me she's talking about right in earshot." >_>;

“Sorry,” the other bidoof replied. “Mom’s the one that said yes to Shimmer. Will you please help me with this, just come with me so I won’t be alone? I’ll make it up to you, I swear!”


... Of course.
:lolcat:


Nip: "Alright, that worked out better than I thought. Though yeesh, what's it between her and this 'Shimmer'? Are they enemies of some sort?"

Haru raised her head to the sky and let out a huff. “Fine, but you owe me!” She turned to look at the other bidoof. “So why is Shimmer headed out to the forest again? Didn’t she bring your flowers just earlier this week?”

He shook his head. “Nope, she never made it back with them after you guys found that sneasel. So, she decided she wanted to just take me looking herself.” He paused, looking back towards the clinic, and let out a startled yelp when he realized that the pokemon in question was standing just behind them, prompting Haru to look his way as well.

She forced a weak smile. “Oh, Nip. Out and about again?”
Nip: "Was the yelp really necessary?" 😐
Toshi: "Was sneaking up on me like that really necessary?" >_>;

Nip blinked and let out a grunt. “Yeah. Did you guys say you were going to head into the forest? Do you mind if I join you part of the way? I need to make some preparations - I plan to leave in the morning.”
Haru: "... You're going hunting, aren't you?" 😐
Nip: "Oh come on! What on earth would even make you think that I was even considering-?" >_>;
- Cue Nip's stomach growling -
Haru: "You... aren't exactly a hard 'mon to read." -_-;

Haru seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I mean, we’re just going out to gather wild herbs. Then again… You don’t have any money to stock up on supplies with, do you?” The sneasel shook his head in response. “Well, if you can find some of the more useful medicinal ones, Lecha might buy them off of you. Maybe you could even get yourself a bag and some travel supplies?”

He considered the offer for a moment. Perhaps he could get one more meal as well, without having to spend energy to hunt. Or even two, since he could keep the meat frozen. It was in no way ideal but… it might allow him to cover more ground without stopping. “You make a good point. If you are alright with it, I think I will come.”


Nip: "... Actually now that I think about it, maybe I should just ask for some of this money so that way I can-"
Haru: "That's called 'begging', Nip. And I don't think it'd endear you to too many villagers to be doing that just days after you came into town." 😐
Nip: "... Need I remind you that I'm still technically injured right now? How is that not acceptable grounds for asking for some aid?" >_>;

The other bidoof stepped forward. “Nip, right? Haru told me your name. I’m Toshi.” He glanced back to his sister with a hint of nervousness. “I wouldn’t mind if he tagged along. The more the merrier, right?”


Nip: "... Isn't that an argument for also get that 'Shimmer' 'mon you were talking about earlier to come along?"
Haru: "Uh. No. Two's company, three's a crowd. We don't need a bigger crowd than this to work with." >_>;


Nip gave an appreciative nod before moving to stand beside the duo. “Muse and Shimmer are the kirlia and absol, right? Is there a particular reason you don’t want to be alone with them?”


... I forgot Nip actually brought this up in-story.
:hoodLUL:


“W-well,” Toshi said, nervously rubbing a paw against his face a couple times. “See… Shimmer likes me. A lot, maybe too much. I mean, she’s nice and all but… I just can’t see her that way! She’s too pushy! But mom really kind of… eggs it on, encourages her. Encourages me to hang out with her. She’s the mayor’s kid, so she’s rich and has a lot of power in the village. Muse is nice enough and kind of keeps her from being too pushy but… It’s just nice to have company so I’m not stuck talking to her the whole time, you know?”

Nip closed his eyes and let out a hum. “I think I can understand. It can be frustrating, being forced into a relationship that neither party wants, or that only one party wants in your case, just because others think they know what’s best for you.”


Boy does that read differently a second time in this story.

“Tell me about it. I mean, I don’t think my mom would ever actually force me to get together with Shimmer but… I don’t know, it’s all just so frustrating and hard to argue against!”

The sneasel considered the bidoof’s complaint for a moment. “So, you are not forced, so much as pressured? Unfortunate, but at least you have a say in the matter.”

“What are you even trying to say?” Haru interjected, prompting Nip to suck in a breath.

Oh… never mind. I suppose it wouldn’t make sense to you anyways.

Boy would this story have gone places had Nip's backstory come out right here and now.
:fearfullaugh~1:



If the two bidoof were going to say something, neither of them did. Instead, something behind Nip caught Haru’s eye. “Oh, there they are. And is that… Why is Shimmer’s dad here?”

Nip turned to look back to the group of pokemon behind him. Walking up the path were the kirlia and absol that he expected. But in addition to the two, three other pokemon walked with them. The first was a purugly: his fur groomed neatly to perfection with a small, sparkling stone attached to a string around his neck. The other two were each purrloin, one walking on either side of the group at attention.


Ah yes, it's Jhorlo, Theran's fat cat of the story himself.

“That’s her dad?” he asked, whispering his question to Haru. “Does that work?”

“He and her mother - a gardevoir - had been together a long time, but I think she had a surrogate father.

“Her mom died not long after she hatched,” Toshi added in. “So, it’s just been her and Jhorlo for years.”


- Checks Egg Group List -

Uh... yeah, that checks out. Though I guess that would make sense for when two Pokémon love each other very much but nature refuses to play along and let you two have children.

Haru cut in with a curt tone. “I don’t know why he’s out here. Usually, he considers Muse more than enough protection for Shimmer.”

The group of pokemon came to a stop a few steps away. The purrloin both sat down at the same time, but continued to stay at attention, eyes unblinking.

Shimmer hopped down from Muse’s back, giving a friendly wave. “Hi Toshi-boo! Oh, Haru and the sneasel too! Nip right? You should have told me you wanted to make this a double date.


Haru: "Please no." >.<
Nip: "I... think that I'll pass on courting judgmental strangers from villages I'm unfamiliar with, thanks." >_>;


Nip, Toshi, and Haru all three did an immediate double take, looking to Shimmer and then amongst their group. Haru was the first to speak.

“What? No, it’s nothing like that! Toshi asked me to tag along so he’d have more company, and we extended that invitation to Nip!”

“A-and this isn’t even a single date!” Toshi added, stammering.
Shimmer:

Toshi: "Shimmer, I thought that we were supposed to be gathering flowers from the forest..." >_>;
Shimmer: "Yes, and isn't that the perfect thing to do on a date?" :3

Shimmer took their response all in stride. “Kidding! Oh, you are too silly, cutie-pie. But whatever you say. Anyways, my dad is here because he wanted to speak with us before we headed into the forest is all.”

The purugly chuckled. [ ]

“Indeed. I really am sorry to bother you fine folks. I just needed to speak with you before heading into the forest you see.” Nip took note of his silky-smooth voice. Something about it put his fur on end, like perhaps it was a well-practiced front.


I feel that this might have benefitted from showing off a bit more of Jhorlo's mannerisms and body language while going about as a mayor. Since little touches such as the way he moves about or the way he regards others could help give the readers a bit of a hint as to who he is, especially since Nip finds something noticeably "off" about the way Jhorlo conducts himself and for good reason.

“I wanted to make sure you all knew to be careful, is all. Whisper came by this morning with some disturbing news, you might have heard. She said there’s reason to believe that a predator wildener has been hanging around the village. They’ve found several… er… remains around the area. All small mon, but still. Now you… five should be fine as long as you stick together, but I want you to all take extra precaution, understand? I don’t need a mess to pick up, and I’d like my daughter and her friends to stay safe.”

His explanation and request elicited slow nods from each of the other pokemon - except the purrloin, who were still at attention. Satisfied, he let out a purring noise before turning. “Jaques. Lotte. We’re finished here. Back to the villa, okay?” He looked back towards Shimmer over his shoulder. “Take care, sweetheart!”


Ah yes, just the thing you need to hear right before ducking out into the woods. :V - Beat moment -
Haru: "... D-Do we really still want to go out picking flowers right now?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Shimmer: "Nice try, you're not disrupting my date that easily." >:|
Toshi: "B-But it's not even a date!" >.<


The two purrloin turned in unison, walking just behind the purugly. Shimmer gave her father a wave.

“Bye, Dad!”

Now slightly more somber, the group turned each other.

“A predator, huh?” Haru mumbled. “Are there any precautions we should take?”


Shimmer: "Well, I'll just have to stay nice and close to Toshi-kins the entire time-"
Haru: "Any other precautions that we should take?" >_>;


“Perhaps we should designate a lookout,” Muse suggested. “Who of among us has the strongest senses?”

“Probably you or Nip,” Toshi answered. “But since you’re really the muscle of the group… Nip, do you mind acting as our spotter? Do you know what that term means?”

“I was not planning to stay around the whole time but… I suppose I could,” the sneasel responded. “I have a pretty good idea of what you’re talking about. Bring up the rear, keep an eye out for trouble, especially when the rest of you are preoccupied, correct?”

“Close enough,” Haru said. “You can either flank or bring up the rear. Normally, this level of caution wouldn’t be needed this close to town, but if Jhorlo felt the need to bring it up we should be careful.” She pointedly turned her head towards Shimmer. “Technically, we probably shouldn’t be going out there at all, if things are that bad.”


Haru: "So just saying... if we had any reason at all to not want to go..."
Shimmer: "We. Are. Going. End. Of. Discussion." >_>;


“Oh, Dad is probably just being silly,” Shimmer said. “But if it makes you feel better, then I’m all for the extra caution.”

On one hand, Nip could not help but feel flattered that these pokemon trusted him enough to do such an important job, and considered him skillful enough to follow through. On the other… part of him was in shock for the same reasons. Still, it would give him a chance to gather up some money, which he had quickly learned he would need if he ran into any more settlements.

With that plan in mind, the five headed further down the road towards the line of trees in the distance.


Nip: "... I feel as if I should be a lot more worried that this predator was apparently worrisome enough that these 'mons equivalent to an Elder showed up to warn them about it. But eh, I've got a food bill to cover."
:gardeshrug:



Once the group entered the woods, they fell into a tight formation. Muse walked in front with Shimmer on her back, the kirlia sensing the nearby area as best as her skills allowed for danger. The bidoof siblings took up the middle. Toshi occasionally cast a cautious glance into the woods on either side of their path. Haru, on the other hand, was much surer of herself, though Nip was not entirely convinced that it wasn’t just for show.


I like the subtle hint in the difference in personalities between Haru and Toshi, since... yeah, Haru does vibe as the more outwardly confident and brave sibling of the pair.

He brought up the rear, occasionally sniffing at the air as he listened for any sign of danger. So far the journey had been quiet. Maybe too quiet, in his opinion. But perhaps this was normal for this part of the woods?

Still, it was hard to focus when Shimmer just kept chatting away.

Nip: "(Alternatively, these so-called 'wildeners' just find Ms. Chatterbox here to be annoying, but let's not go making any wild assumptions here.)" >_>;

She seemed to be recounting some story from her childhood. “So, I demanded that he paint his shop pink, that it would be more becoming of him. I told that old swalot that my daddy would make him paint it pink, and that seemed to make him consider things a little. But Muse stepped in and pointed out that he couldn’t do anything until the next season, when the smeargle crew came through. And I guess by the next season I had already forgotten. Oh! That makes me think though, don’t you think it would be neat if we paint our house pink, Toshi?”

“E-err…” the bidoof stammered, searching for any sort of response. “I’m really more of a blues and greens guy, actually.”

“Well a dark shade of either of those could work well with pink, right? We can compromise!”

Sensing no hope of winning, Toshi just mumbled, “I guess.”


That... doesn't sound like a compromise, and it sounds like it'd be one ugly eyesore of a house.
:loltias:


Nip tuned out the conversation. There was no need to let himself get distracted by such silly discussion. He turned his attention instead back to listening for trouble. He heard a rattata skittering in the underbrush, squealing about the larger, scary pokemon entrenching on their territory. He could smell that a combee had passed through here recently, carrying nectar back to their hive. Somewhere above him, a taillow flew by, letting out a chittering song as he looked for his mate. Nothing dangerous so far.

If only he could slip away and hunt. But they were making more noise than an angry beartic. No wonder everything was running off.


... Oh so that cutaway gag from Nip wasn't that far off from the truth.
:hoodLUL:


- Nip's stomach growls -
Nip: "Thanks for that, by the way, Shimmer." >_>;
Shimmer: "Oh? My talking's really that effective at keeping the wildeners at bay? Maybe I should keep going on a bit louder..."
Nip: "That's not at all what I-! Blargh..." >.<


Shifting his attention back to watching for danger, he turned his head to the side. He expected to see nothing, but instead caught a glimpse of distorted air, and of a ring of trees that were not only unnatural in formation, but in color too: wavering patches weaved and swirled about, turning the green leaves red and orange. Then the distortion would shift elsewhere, leaving the leaves green once again.

Haru caught his look, turning to look towards the distorted location. “Oh, that’s Sunglow Thicket,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s the only mystery dungeon that’s less than a day’s journey from here. That’s part of why we don’t have a rescue guild branch in town. Not enough nearby danger to need them. There are so few that get lost around here that the local guard can handle whoever does.

Nip tilted his head. “Rescue… guild? I apologize, we don’t have anything like that where I’m from. You’ll have to elaborate.”


All Minus Nip:
:what:

Nip: "... Again, I'm from a very different place, so a lot of this is very new to me." >_>;

The remainder of the group stopped, pausing to look at the sneasel. “Really?” Toshi questioned.

“It makes sense they would not have a rescue guild branch,” Muse pointed out. “As far as I know, there aren’t any guild, union, or society branches on the other side of Great Misty Ravine. Do you have nothing to help those that get lost in the dungeons, though?”

“We rarely enter a patch of distortion outside of coming of age trials,” Nip responded with a grunt, turning his attention back to sniffing at the air. “So, there would be no need to rescue outside of emergencies. Everyone is expected to know how to take care of themselves in danger, save for the kits. And they aren’t meant to leave our nesting grounds.”


Haru: "Yeesh, so you all really do have nothing to work with." .-.
Nip: "Again, nobody needs such an organization where I'm from!" >_>;


“You know, you use kind of silly words,” Shimmer cut in, holding back a giggle. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.”

“What, you don’t know what a nest is? I would say you all are the ones using the ‘silly’ words. I mean… what does ‘guild’ even mean?”

tenor.gif


Haru let out a sigh. “Sorry about Shimmer. Anyways… a guild is sort of… like a group of pokemon that band together under a certain cause and skillset and vow to look out for others? Toshi, you’re the one that’s into all the expedition and rescue stuff, help me out here.”

“Okay,” Toshi began. “Well. Your explanation is pretty good. Down in Southern Harbor Town-”

“Where?” Nip interjected. “All the way down south, it’s one of two major port towns responsible for ferrying goods up the rivers.”

“O...kay?”


Nip: "Are Pokémon from around here this bad at giving clear explanations for things?" >_>;
Toshi: "Look, I'm getting to it, okay?" >.<

“Anyways, Red’s Rescue Guild headquarters is there. In most towns near a major dungeon, Red - that’s the flareon that runs the place - has a guild branch set up to handle rescues. Now, this is not to be confused with the Expedition Society, which is a group of researchers that work to learn more about mystery dungeons and their containment, or the Enforcer’s Union, who specifically focus on tracking down outlaws that may be hiding in hard to reach areas or mystery dungeons. Both of those are in Eastport Town - that’s the other major harbor town.”

Creative name, Red,” Nip mumbled sarcastically.



Shimmer piped up again. “Hey, you’re the one that’s named Nip. Like a little bite, you know? I don’t know if you have room to talk.”

[ ]

“If you must know, my name specifically relates to frostbite.”

“Still a little weird, but okay. Whateeever you say.”


I think that this bit here would've worked better with some reaction from Nip. Basically put that
:GrumpNip:
face into action and actual prose. Since... yeah, he gets a bit touchy over the accusation that his name's in the same tier as 'Red'. :V


Nip threw his head back, turning his attention back to their surroundings. Muse and Shimmer veered off into a patch of grass nearby, the absol digging at the roots of some plants in the soft soil. Toshi wandered a bit further away, sniffing at a nearby bush. Haru busied herself carefully picking up the plants Muse dug up with her teeth before standing on her hind legs to place them in a satchel on Muse’s back.

Nip turned his attention away, letting his mind drift. As nice as everyone here had been, this wasn’t a place he could stay. As much as he wanted to rest, he couldn’t here. Perhaps if he went over the mountain. Maybe there, he could finally settle, even if only for a while.

A whiff of an odd smell on the air made him turn his attention back to the present. Though he couldn’t identify the smell exactly, it reminded him of soot and ash, the remains after a fire. Yet, he hadn’t smelled anything burning. Tensing, he slowly looked around to scan his surroundings.


Nip: "... I don't like where this is going." ._.;

The others were still preoccupied with their foraging. Well, the two bidoof and the kirlia were at least. Muse had paused and was sniffing at the air just like he had. With how preoccupied they were, it reminded him of distracted prey he would sneak up on back in his old hunting grounds.


... Lovely comparison there, Nip.


Something shifted the undergrowth ever so slightly. His ear twitched as he tried to home in on the sound.

Just as he called, “Look out!” A blur of blue and cream burst from the undergrowth, dashing towards the smaller, isolated bidoof. Instinctively, he dashed forward to meet it, inhaling before spitting out small shards of ice at the creature. But it was hardly fazed.

Toshi let out a surprised squeal, scrambling backwards into the bush. The quilava tried to follow after, swiping at Toshi as he retreated, but before it could reach him, Nip barreled into its side, delivering a jab with his claws before looping around to get on the pokemon’s back.


>looping around to get onto a Quilava's back

I take it that Quilava aren't common up north, since I can think of a number of very hot, painful reasons to not want to be near a Quilava's back while fighting. ^^;

The quilava cried out and twisted around, trying to reach around and bite at any part of Nip it could reach. There was a small pop, and then plumes of smoke began to pour from the vents on top of its head, obscuring Nip’s vision. He coughed, squinting his eyes shut as he dug his claws deeper into the quilava’s skin. He felt it twist beneath him, and suddenly he was on the ground, the wind knocked out of him by the quilava’s weight.

Let go!” the quilava hissed. “I saw him first!” It twisted around to lunge at Nip and bit down on his arm. But before it could do any more damage, the quilava was suddenly thrown off.


I... completely forgot that wildeners in this setting weren't above taking bites out of townies on a regular basis. Though it makes sense given that they don't exactly telegraph their affiliations frequently.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Nip stood up, his vision still obscured by the smokescreen. But as the smoke began to dissipate, he could see Muse standing in front of him, her horn lowered towards the quilava with dark energy surrounding it.

“Back off!” she barked, her maw twisted into a snarl.

Nip heard someone step up beside him. Glancing over, he saw Shimmer, with Haru just a few steps behind.

The quilava’s ears twisted back against its skull. Not keen on testing the odds against that many pokemon, it turned tail and fled, disappearing back into the undergrowth.


Smart stoat there, since... yeah, a 5 v 1 isn't exactly a winning fight for a midevo without some serious tool assistance. ^^;


Muse waited tensely for several heartbeats, watching and waiting, before she finally relaxed her guard. “Grab what you already harvested,” she announced. “We’re leaving.”

Shimmer blinked, her mouth hanging open. “But… we just got here!”

“That one was young,” Muse replied. “And not from around here. He probably came down from the mountains to hunt. His mother might still be nearby, and I don’t fancy starting a fight with a typhlosion. Do you?”


... It just occurred to me that the whole 'distracted prey' comment likely teed up this entire ambush, since... yeah, that Quilava evidently agreed with Nip's assessment there.

Shimmer: "... Point taken."
:uhhh:


No one could argue with that. So, with those words hanging in the air, Shimmer and Haru went back to finish gathering up the few herbs they had found. Toshi, meanwhile, sidled up beside Nip, silent for a moment.

“Hey,” the bidoof began, shuffling his feet. “Um. Thanks. For helping me back there.”

“Think nothing of it,” Nip replied, turning his attention back to the forest. “I was just returning the favor. It would be… unbecoming of me to not do so. You asked me to keep an eye out, so I did.”

To that, Toshi just hummed in agreement. The two of them stood silently for the next couple of minutes, waiting for the girls to finish, then they all began the trek back towards the village.


It might have made sense to play up the 'nope nope nope'-ness of the encounter a bit in this block since Muse strongly encouraged that they got out of dodge quickly just in case that Quilava went off crying to his mother.

Since... yeah, Typhlosion aren't fun to fight considering these guys' respective morphs. If they're worried about that, I'd have expected a bit more of a sense of tension and urgency in this sequence that isn't fully there at the moment.


At first, the group walked in a tense silence, the fear of being attacked by a typhlosion driving them to be extra careful. But as the trees began to grow further apart, heralding their approach to Theran village, they began to relax.

Shimmer was the first to break the silence. “Musey, mister Nip, you two did great back there. Are you sure you can’t stick around for a while, Nip? I bet Whisper would love to have a strong mon like you in her guard.”

Nip flicked his ear. Was she… offering him a position in their society? To him, a stranger? How naive. As much as he wanted to point this out, he forced himself to be polite. “Your offer is kind. But I have other obligations I must attend to.


Shimmer: "You realize that guards get paid well, right?"
- Nip's stomach growls again -
Nip: "... I'll admit that it's tempting, but I really shouldn't hang around here." >_>;

”Shimmer waved a hand dismissively. “Sure, sure. But think about it when you come back through, alright? I’ll put in a good word for you if you do. I’ll have you know I can be very persuasive.”


You persuade others to take the opposite side of you?
:loltias:



That sounded… not great. He wasn’t sure what she meant by “persuasion,” but he was certain he wouldn’t like it. “Thanks… but I likely won’t be passing back through. I’ll… be headed back home on a different route.”

“Really?” Haru asked, rushing so that she could walk beside him. “Why’s that?”

Nip faltered briefly. Should he tell the truth? Or a believable lie? “I am… hoping to see more of this part of the land,” he explained. “None of my kin have traveled this far south.”

“Not even for a pilgrimage?”

It’s a bit of a personal pilgrimage,” Nip explained.


Haru: "... To find a safe place?"
:what:

Nip: "To find my god... who will ideally also be in a safe place." ^^;

“I see…” Haru turned her gaze back towards the buildings on the horizon. “We didn’t really get many herbs, did we?”

Nip glanced back to the bags on Muse’s back. Indeed, there were only a few in the satchel.

Haru hesitated. “Well… if you’d like, I guess I could offer you a spare bag in the morning. It’s not much but… it would give you something to carry things with at least. I’d help you with money but… I kind of already spent my spare change. Sorry.”


- Nip's stomach growls right after Haru's mention of being out of money to spot him -
Nip: "Fantastic." >_>;


Was she serious? Nip reached up to scratch the back of his neck. “That is… kind of you. I may take you up on that offer. Thanks.”

It was bizarre to him, how willing these village mon had been to help him out. Was this the norm in this part of the world? How strange. It was, odd, but he almost felt like he could grow used to this.


Well, except with, you know, getting fed. :V

He paused, sniffing at the air as a stiff breeze rustled the leaves on the trees around them.

And as he took in a deep breath, he caught a whiff of a strong, familiar scent that made his fur stand on end. Something different that stood out from the scents of this forest. He opened his mouth and took a deeper breath as he processed the scent. He caught the scent of earthy mud that hadn’t quite dried out, and the smell of wild razz berry bushes. But beneath that all was an all-too-familiar scent. A pokemon’s scent that still carried the faint, faded tone of pine needles and frostbitten herbs. He froze, his eyes narrowing to slits. She was here? Now?


Ah yes, the telltale sign that Umbra's been in the area.

Nip: "..."
:uhhh:

Haru: "Er... Nip? You're kinda scaring me with that reaction..." .-.

“Hey, Nip, are you alright?”

Nip shook himself out of his stupor. Toshi had stopped to look back at him, his head tilted in concern. The other three had stopped as well.

He forced his fur to lay flat as he tried to calm down and assess his options. What was he supposed to do, tell them he was being chased by a crazy pokemon? Would they believe him? What if they confronted her? Would she just attack them, too? Or would she turn them to her side? Neither outcome was good.

“It’s… Nothing,” he finally lied. “I smelled something odd. ‘Spose I’m still worried about that typhlosion. Fire doesn’t exactly agree well with me.” Still, he didn’t wait to see how they’d react. Instead, he began to walk again, this time a bit faster, trying to not break out into a sprint.


Toshi: "I'm... going to assume that that's a 'no'." .-.
Haru: "Did he smell out that Typhlosion? Since he seemed really spooked there for a moment." ._.;


His explanation seemed to satisfy the others, as they all mumbled some sort of agreement. Haru continued to stare at him a bit longer than the others. But she, too, relented. He did his best to not appear relieved.

Still, he was distracted as they made their way back to town, constantly glancing over his shoulder for a glimpse of cream and black fur. It took all of his willpower not to just bolt right there, to disappear back into the trees. But he was downwind. If she was still nearby, she likely hadn’t spotted him.

Nip was shocked to find himself relieved when he reached the sparse and open village. But… she wouldn’t follow him here. Probably. Not during the day at least. Even she wasn’t stupid enough to attack him in the middle of a bunch of other pokemon in broad daylight.


Haru: "... You realize we can see you doing all of this, right? Care to tell us what's up, Nip?"
:what:

Nip: "J-Just worried about that Typhlosion!"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Haru: "Nip, we just re-entered town right here!" >.<


“You should probably get that looked at.”

“Hm?” Muse’s words snapped him out of his thoughts. She leaned over to nose at the spot where he’d been bitten. The quilava’s vicious bite had managed to break his skin, but he hadn’t thought much of it until now.

“You have a good point,” he admitted. “I will return to your healer to recover. Thank you.”

“Do you need us to walk you back?”

“I will be fine, thank you.” He paused to look around until he spotted the humble medics’s hut, the small building built off of a huge, ancient stump. “Take care, you four. I… will see you in the morning, I suppose, Haru.” With that, he made his way towards the hut, eager to get out of the open.


Haru: "'I suppose'? Is this guy planning on skipping out on town on short notice or something?"
:sceptical:

Nip: "I mean, I do have that pilgrimage I need to get back to. And... well, I was just thinking that I might have been falling a bit behind."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Haru: "Look. Just don't push yourself, alright? You're safe here. Nobody's going to hurt you."
Nip: "... (Nobody you know, anyways.)" >_>;


Lecha was not in, so he treated himself to a single oran berry – figuring she wouldn’t mind – and then returned to the nest he had been staying in. A flat object with strange scrawling had been left in his nest. He could gather that it was some sort of message but had no clue what it might mean. Quietly, he cleaned himself of the blood. But try as he might to relax, he couldn’t. Knowing that she was so close…

“Yveltal, won’t you spare me this one more time?” he mumbled. He needed to leave. He needed to leave right now. Night would fall soon. Perhaps he could slip out under the cover of darkness?

His stomach growled, and he was suddenly aware of just how hungry he was. He wouldn’t get far without food. But… Berries wouldn’t sustain him. Not when he needed to get as far away as he could, as quickly as possible.


Nip: "... How has this village not meaningfully fed me in four days beyond that one trip to the scavengers' shop?" >_>;

As he lay there, worrying, an idea came to him. A cruel, perhaps foolhardy idea, but an idea, nonetheless. An idea that would make certain he wouldn’t be able to come back. But it was the quickest idea he had in mind.

He had done worse, right?

With an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he laid down to rest and waited for nightfall.


Ah yes, this is where the chain of events that leads to Hawlucha balut are set in motion.

I feel that while it's not the end of the world that Nip ultimately gets steered down this train of thought, it probably makes sense for him to strike out some other alternative options along the way before getting here. Since even if "asking for/stealing money to buy food from Mandi's" is out of the question, stealing from Mandi's where there's frozen meat stockpiled or attempting to yoink a non-fertile egg from a Chansey if Theran Village has one would've gotten him into significantly less trouble than the course of action he ultimately settles on.

it probably makes sense for him to consider routes like those, only to realize that they wouldn't work for one reason or another (e.x. he's unable to get the sort of money he needs for the amount of food he'd need for a long journey, if Mandi's is known to be constantly guarded by someone out of Nip's league, or if it's mentioned as a passing detail such as through medic hut chatter that there are no Chansey in all of Theran Village), while the route that Nip ultimately takes is guaranteed to nuke his popularity in Theran Village and presumably he wouldn't want to do that if he thought he had other options.

Nip startled awake to visions of snapping jaws and the phantom pain of long-healed bruises. He reached over to rub his shoulder and winced when he brushed over the bite wound. With the help of Lecha and a few oran berries, it had already begun to heal. Lecha had checked on him briefly before retreating to bed, quietly commenting on how tense he was but not pressing the matter. He almost said something. Almost opened up and explained his fear. But no. Explaining the truth of his situation would only lead to more prying questions. Questions that would have surely turned her against him.

No one back in his tribe had believed him about Umbra. Why would she? And even if she did, how would he explain everything else?


Ah right. I suppose that's as good a reason as any to not suddenly go "hey, I know it's sudden, but I need 200 Poké for food" on one of the villagers, even if that wouldn't take "yoink the money" off the table on its own.

Glancing up, he noted the moonlight peeking through the window. He rose from his nest, he swiftly made his way to the cabinet of herbs on the far side of the room. A few satchels hung off of wooden pegs in the wall. He chose one with a long strap that he could sling over his shoulders. The contents were dumped onto the table. In their place, he instead placed four oran berries, a heal seed, and a reviver seed. Hopefully, he would not need the seeds, but it was best to be prepared.

He gave one last look back to the nest he had stayed in the past several days. Indecision twisted a knot in his stomach, and he questioned if this was the best way to handle things. He shook his head. No, he had already made his decision. He would live with the guilt and consequences, but he would live.


Nip: "... I'm pretty sure this is a sign that I'm not thinking things through nearly as much as I ought to, but yeah. Time to go."
:fearfullaugh~1:



He crept out lightly on his tiptoes, taking great care to not let the wood below him creak. The entrance room was dark and empty. A single, unused luminous orb inside a dark, tinted container provided just enough light for him to avoid stepping on anything that would have woke Lecha and alerted her of his movement. He carefully crossed this room too and pushed through the cloth exit into the night air.

The village was much quieter at this time of night, the streets empty save for a single guard with their back turned further down the road, silhouetted only by the flame of a torch they carried in their hand. He would have to work his way around them later. One thing at a time. He paused for just a moment to sniff at the air, the fur on the back of his neck standing on end when he smelled that all too familiar scent. Umbra had been nearby. And recently. How close to the town had she gotten. If she decided to risk confronting him here…

Either she would turn the villagers against him, or else they would be treated as little more than an obstacle.

Neither outcome was desirable.


I'm now getting the opening refrain of English OP5 from the Anime stuck in my head for this bit. It's really darkly hilarious for this context.
:loltias:


He turned his back on the guard and instead made his way back towards his destination. Even in the moonlight, with his perception of color limited, he could make out the patchwork of different color values of the daycare. He moved swiftly, scurrying from hiding spot to hiding spot as he approached, praying the wind would not change and carry his scent to the guard, or else they would not notice it or find it unusual.

The daycare was only slightly more protected than he initially thought. Bars covered the windows, more likely to keep the children in than any threats out. The front, however, only had a cloth covering like the clinic, albeit a slightly thicker and sturdier type of fabric. He pushed it aside with ease.


Nip: "I don't know if I should be relieved, or really, really concerned at the apparent total absence of any sort of sense of self-preservation from these villagers." .-.

Although he couldn’t make out the details, he could tell that the inside was just as garishly colored as the outside. His stomach knotted slightly in anticipation. For a moment, he considered giving up this part of the plan, and instead chancing a trip to the mandibuzz’s shop. But a growling stomach and fear of being caught by his pursuer if he waited even a moment longer egged him on. He swallowed once and steeled his resolve, then continued further in. Fortunately, and surprisingly, the floor here was just dirt. Perhaps part of the renovation? The reason did not matter. What mattered is that it would be easier to sneak across than the wooden boards.

He sniffed at the air before taking an entryway to the left, carefully straining his senses for any sign of other pokemon. The room it led into was small and cramped, but also noticeably warmer than the first. And there in a nest, nestled in individual nests around a small dugout with a flame orb was his target: eggs.


Uh... yeah, you want to establish a lot earlier as to why that other option isn't Nip's go-to since stealing from a shop is by far the less dangerous gambit compared to this in a vacuum. Like it could be a matter of "Mandi's shop is out in the boonies where I'd be a sitting duck for Umbra to pick me off", but you ideally want to communicate that to the readers, and well before the point where Nip is in the Day Care going "uh... actually, maybe stealing from Mandi's isn't such a bad idea after all 😰”.

There were only four, none of them particularly large. The smallest could not have been bigger than his head, and the largest was no bigger than he was. He couldn’t even guess what pokemon any of them might be in the darkness. It would not matter though, would it?

He began to reach down for one of the mid-sized eggs, his paws shaking in anticipation. But then he hesitated.

If he took this egg, there would be no turning back. There was no telling how the villagers would react to this sort of thievery; his kin would have killed any thief they caught, but they also would not waste time hunting down a thief that escaped. For just one egg, the loss would be mourned, the nursery barricades would be strengthened, and life would move on.

He could still back down right now. He could turn back and leave the nursery and instead target the meat shop. Surely, that would be less severe a crime?


Nip: "(What am I saying, of course it would be a less severe crime! I'd better get out of dodge before someone spots me-)" 😰

“Tor won’t like it if you mess with those.”

He froze, hearing a quiet voice behind him, their tone grating in a way that sent chills down his spine. Slowly, he turned his head. A single pokemon, a small shuppet, was floating just a few feet away. A child, he thought. No real threat, but he had no time for a confrontation.

Slowly, he began to pull a paw away from the egg, keeping his eyes on the young ghost that floated between him and the exit. “I’ll just… be on my way…” he mumbled as he started to back away.

He tripped over one of the eggs, biting back a yelp as he fell to the ground.

Apparently, this upset the shuppet, as he began to let out an ear-piercing screech. Nip yelped and flinched, covering his ears. “What are you doing?!” The shuppet yelled. “You’re gonna hurt the eggs!”


Nip: "Whelp, if this place is anything like home, I'm dead anyways if I get caught here. YOLO!"

Nip staggered back to his feet, turning first to the window before he remembered the bars.

He turned back, only to see shuppet less than a claw’s length from his nose. Startled, he let out a yelp and lashed out, dark energy cutting through the shuppet’s form, throwing him backwards. He hit the wall with a startled cry and slumped, unconscious.

Nip stared at the child, then glanced in horror down at his claws.

What he should have done was drop everything and run. But with a thousand panicked thoughts racing through his head, he instead grabbed the egg nearest him before turning to dash out of the room. As he made his way towards the exit, he could hear sounds of movement and voices in the room just beyond.


I think that from Nip's perspective, this sequence might actually feel more natural if Aves spots him holding one of the eggs before confronting him. Since Nip's internal thought process revealed that even attempted egg thieves get executed in his culture, so Nip from his perspective would have very strong motivation to dig his heels in and just take off with the egg after that point were he spotted with the egg first.

Since from his perspective, after that moment, he'd have crossed a point of no return just being spotted even if he was wavering and about to put the egg back. His baseline expectation for what he could expect afterwards would be that he'd die if he got caught after that point regardless of whether or not he yields to the voice inside of him telling him to leave the egg behind or not.


“Aves? Tor, where’s Aves? I can’t see him he’s not here I heard him scream!” The first voice was soft, but distressed and just as grating as the shuppet’s, its tone rising into a panic as it continued to speak.

“Stay here,” a second voice replied monotonously. “I will go find out what is going on.”

The sneasel burst through the flap just as the large form of a blissey appeared in the other doorway. Stealth was no longer in his favor, instead opting for speed to get as far away as possible. He made it all the way to the other side of the square before the blissey discovered what had happened and let out the call of alarm.

“Thief!” The blissey called out, emerging from the nursery. “Egg thief!”


I can already hear Nip headdesking internally after realizing that all this time, he had another option he could take that wouldn't have nuked his reputation with Theran Village. Though... yeah, you want to establish some reason why Nip didn't think to ask the Softboiled dispenser for help prior to this, even if it's something as simple as "... Dammit, I didn't know Theran Village had a Blissey. >_>;"


Nip dove into a bush on the side of the path, clutching his prize tightly in both paws. He stayed deathly still, not daring to even breathe as the guard from before, a hawlucha, rushed past him. He waited till they got just a little way further before bursting out of his hiding place, continuing down the path. But he had emerged too soon; the sound of movement made the hawlucha spin, letting out an alarmed caw.

“You there!” He heard the Hawlucha squawk. “Halt!”

Nip yelped as he heard something shatter behind him. Suddenly, the whole area lit up as if it was daytime. He squeezed his eyes shut against the harsh light but dared not stop. The hawlucha must have seen him in the burst of light because he could hear it pursuing him, slowly catching up.


I see Nip is living up to that one entry from that one "Sneasel in PMD fiction" meme in live-time. :V

But perhaps the attack worked out in his favor as well. He heard a pained squawk from his pursuer as well. “Vale!” The hawlucha cried out. “Watch where you’re aiming that!”

The manectric was nearly caught up to them now. He couldn’t get caught! Not now! Not when he was so close! He took a step forward, fighting the painful electrical spasms. Turning his head slightly, he caught sight of the Hawlucha forcing herself to her feet out of the corner of his eye. If either of them managed to catch up to him this would have been all for nothing.


Nip: "Well that can't possibly have been good for the egg. Not that I'd expect that argument to get me any clemency."
:fearfullaugh~1:



He sucked in another breath of air and forced his body to move, despite the lingering tingling numbness. Sharp chunks of ice quickly began to form on his arms, on his tail, and in his mouth as he focused, flash-freezing the moisture in the air around him. Just as the manectric entered pouncing range, sparks now dancing on its fangs, he spun, launching the shards of ice at the electric type’s face in point blank range. It let out a pained yelp, its attack thrown off as razor sharp shards of ice sliced at its muzzle.

He spat out the shards that had formed in his mouth at the hawlucha as a quick follow up, then turned and fled once again despite the numbness in his limbs, finally reaching the trees. He was out of range of the effects of the luminous orb now, leaving him with the advantage in the cover of darkness. But the other two also knew these woods better. He could hear another pokemon rushing their way in the distance. He scrambled and stumbled amongst the underbrush, slowed down by the lingering numbness and by his soon-to-be meal. He may have gotten a head start, but they would catch up soon if he did not find somewhere to hide.


Nip: "Oh boy, Nip. You've really done it this time..." ._.;

Pushing through the undergrowth, he found himself back at the path that he had traveled with Haru and the other village pokemon earlier that day.

An idea sprang into his head. The mystery dungeon! If he could get inside before they caught up, it would spit them out somewhere else and would provide him with short-term shelter so he could eat and treat his fresh injuries.

He stumbled through the bushes in the darkness, desperately looking for what might be a dungeon entrance. All he needed was two trees that seemed slightly off. He could hear voices growing closer; the manectric must be tracking his scent. He was so close! So close to escape, so close to freedom.

He strained his sense of hearing and caught note of a dead zone of sound to his right. He spun and rushed towards it as quickly as his numb limbs would carry him. The distortion of space would create a void without sound from the outside, so logically that had to be where the dungeon was.


Nip: "Just a little further!" O_O;;

“There you are!”


Nip: "Oh come on!" >.<

No! Not now! He whipped his head around, catching sight of the small, cream form of a mawile in the distance, rushing in his direction. How could she have found him at the worst possible time?
Nip: "Nope nope nope nope."
:uhhh:

Umbra: "Yeah, you'd better be scared! What do you have to say for yourself?" >:|

He turned tail and fled, stumbling towards what he hoped was the entrance to the mystery dungeon. As he pushed through the point that marked where the distorted, unstable space began, he felt the shift of warm, humid, summer heat to crisp fall air. He felt leaves crunch beneath his feet and heard the sounds of his pursuers suddenly cut off.

Nip: "S-See ya!" O_O;
Umbra: "Hey! Get back here-!"
- And then Nip yeeted himself into a MD -
Nip: "T-That was way too close." @.@


He was in. The sneasel let out a relieved breath and slumped to the ground, his legs giving out. The dungeon had deposited him in a small, empty clearing, perhaps three or four body lengths either way.

His claws slipped into the bag, fumbling to find the longer form of the heal seed. Popping the green and white seed into his mouth, he let out a sigh of relief as feeling began to return to his limbs. But as the adrenaline of his daring escape died away, a realization struck him: Umbra saw him go into the dungeon. The villagers would be able to work it out. If this dungeon only had one true exit, all they had to do was wait for him to find his way back out and ambush him.

He may have trapped himself between a waiting, angry mob and the dangerous, ever-shifting maze.


Nip: "I... really didn't think this one through..."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Alright, final thoughts: I liked the chapter as a whole, and thought you did some clever things with foreshadowing with your characters. There was also a surprising amount of detail about your setting that came through from between the lines, even if it wasn't the main focus of the chapter. I suppose that's a side effect of taking a second, closer look where those details would stand out more.

As for things I didn't like, the biggie would be how Nip's decision-making process towards the end got a bit shaky. It's not the destination of Nip's thought process that really bugged me so much as how he got there. Like he obviously is panicking and going to flub some things with his plans, but "do something that will be guaranteed to make the town hate you afterwards" still doesn't strike me as something that would be a first option even in that state.

The good news is that I think that you actually don't need to make a ton of edits if so desired in order make Nip's thought process feel organic while arriving at the same destination, which basically boils down to:

A: Emphasizing why Nip's alternative options are things that he thinks twice over/doubts the viability of compared to the route he ultimately goes with. And "... I didn't know I could've just done that ._.;" plus after the fact regret is a valid option for at least one of the alternative options that I could think of
B: Playing up the event horizon moment for Nip, where if he's been seeing more and more parallels between Theran Village and home, he doesn't have a good reason to assume that his options at that point aren't "take the egg, die if caught" or "ditch the egg, die hungry if caught". If you emphasize that for the audience, it can make it seem more believable as the thought process of a panicking knifecat who isn't exactly taking a moment to suck in a deep breath, calm down, and think clearly.

A bit more critical this time around than my prior feedback, but I hope that you still had fun reading it @windskull . And that it helps you out with that revision that you're planning for the earlier parts of PWCH later this year.
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Alright, throwing together my last PWCH review of Review Blitz, and last for a while until I knock out the remainder of some other reviewing priorities I’ve got going on elsewhere after the dust settles. Though let’s end on a high note called…

Chapter 5

“Ah, finally a nice, normal morning.”

Haru stretched out in the morning sun, flopping onto her belly as she let the warmth relax her tired muscles. For the first time in days, her morning had been free of interruption and excitement. And after any hopes of spreading her name by learning from Nip was from had been dashed by his caginess and hurry to move on, she was ready to return to her usual schedule.

Small typo there.

Haru: "Boy what a lovely day. What could possibly go wrong?" ^^

Still, there was still one loose end to tie up before she could get back to work. One thing that she needed to take care of. Nip may have failed to provide her with the fortune she had been hoping for, and she was still skeptical of his motivations, but it would only be polite to say goodbye.

Haru: "... Right. That'd be a pretty big thing to go wrong there." >_>;

Returning into her family’s hut, she waddled over to where her mother had set out the morning’s food on a small, clay platter. An apple had been paired with a small, flat piece of bread and a few assorted nuts. She sat back on her haunches, lifted the apple between her paws, and began to gnaw away.

Her mom, surprisingly, was nowhere to be seen. Presumably, she had left early to help her dad fell trees, to make up for her slack. Even her brother was out and about already. As bad as she felt for shirking work, she couldn’t help but appreciate the silence.

After scarfing down the simple breakfast, she nosed her way into a small drawstring bag, letting it hang around her neck, then set out, beginning the short walk towards the village square. Yes, a quick, polite goodbye to Nip, and then she could get back to work. It was better to not burn bridges, wasn’t it?

Haru: "Or at least not any ones that I haven't torched yet, since I'm pretty sure he's still not happy at me over the whole 'predator' thing from the first day."
:fearfullaugh~1:


As she began to make her way towards the village center, however, she realized that something felt off. The road to the village had been eerily quiet so far; she hadn’t passed a single mon. The few that she saw as she neared the square moved in a hurry, speaking in hushed whispers. A knot began to form in her stomach, she picked up her pace as well.

Haru: "... I just had to ask what could go wrong earlier today, didn't I?"
:uhhh:


A dozen or so pokemon — about a third of the village — had already gathered, with more walking towards the commotion. Unable to see whatever was at the center, she ran up to the edge of the crowd. She caught sight of Ruffle near the edge, who waved her down and gave her a curtsey in greeting.

“Ruffle, what’s going on?” she asked.

The bellossom shook her head. “I don’t know. Something to do with Whisper and Vale. They came out of Lecha’s clinic early this morning looking a bit roughed up and headed straight for the daycare. Anu came rushing from the temple just a few minutes ago, too.”

Haru: "(Nip, if this is somehow your fault, I swear...)" >_>;

Haru opened her mouth to say something else but closed it again when she heard hushed voices nearby.

“Look, the mayor’s coming!”

“The mayor? Something big must have happened.”

“Where is he? I can’t see!”

“Haru!”

The bidoof whipped around at the sound of her name. To her left, she could see Jhorlo making his way down the road from his manor, his face grim but his pace unrushed. Just behind him, Muse — with Shimmer on her back as usual — had veered off, heading her way at a light trot. Normally, she wouldn’t want to hear from the duo. But if anyone might be able to fill her in, it would be the mayor’s daughter.

Wow. Haru actually wants to see Shimmer for once. The world must be ending here.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you've hinted that the story's going to be headed in those directions in the past, but still. :V

Muse skidded to a stop in front of her. Haru pawed at the ground nervously. “Shimmer, Muse, please tell me you have an idea of what’s going on.”

The pair exchanged an anxious glance before turning their attention back to Haru. The fact that Shimmer of all people seemed worried only further twisted the knot in her stomach. “Nothing good I’m afraid,” Muse answered. She paused to lay down on her stomach. “Here, climb on behind Shimmer, we’ll go where we can see better.”

Haru: "And you're not just giving me a straight answer to my question here why?" ._.;
Muse: "Look, it's... a sensitive matter. Now come on, hop aboard."

But with something big enough that it had drawn this much of a crowd… Though tempted to turn down the offer, she wanted to be at the front. Something was happening here, and it was too big to not stick her nose in. She stood up on her hind paws and scrambled up onto the absol’s back.

Muse stumbled a bit under her weight, but quickly corrected and pushed through the crowd, weaving between bodies and stepping over smaller pokemon. Recognizing Muse and Shimmer, most pokemon parted to let them pass.

At the center of the crowd were the pokemon Ruffle had mentioned: Vale, Whisper, and Anu. In addition to the two guards and shrine attendant were the mayor and his two personal guards, Lecha, Tor — the blissey that ran the daycare — and the two young ghost pokemon that stayed with him. The shuppet of the pair seemed tired and unsteady, resting in air against the phantump’s side.

The "him" is ambiguous there since there's multiple male figures. But assuming this is Aves and some other Ghostmon from the daycare, shouldn't that him be 'her'? Unless if PWCH has canon-divergent Blissey (possible, but never hinted at before), Tor would be female.

They arrived just in time to catch Vale raising his voice at Tor. “Really? You did everything you could? You seem pretty relaxed for someone who had an egg stolen right out from under their care!”

The blissey turned to look at him, a neutral, almost bored expression on his face. “I assure you I am oh so torn up inside.” His tone was dull, unperturbed by the manetric’s harsh words.

“Yeah? Well you sure did a shit job of stopping the thief!”

Uh. Yeah. I'm assuming that Blissey are just canon-divergent in this setting at this rate. Though you should probably hint at this sometime before in your story so that way it's a bit less out of left field / "you did a gender oops" among readers.

Shimmer: "... Isn't Vale supposed to be more mindful of his tongue in front of literal children?" ._.
Haru: "That's what you're worried about compared to the egg theft?" >.<

“I already told you, he had already left by the time I discovered the theft. I would not have woken up at all if not for Aves’ bravery.”

At the mention of his name, the shuppet meekly tried to hide himself.

“Yeah, well that doesn’t mean—”

“Vale!” Whisper cawed.

Vale: "... What? Just saying, if it's about the language earlier. You're a little late there, Whisper."
:AlviseUnamused:


The manetric flinched, turning his attention to Whisper. Up close, Haru could see that the hawlucha’s feathers were singed in spots, and her eyes hinted at exhaustion. Besides that, she also had a patched-up gash on her shoulder, and Vale had several recent cuts on his face.

Whisper must be able to pack quite a punch in order to make Vale this antsy with a type advantage. :V

“Fellow pokemon, please,” Jhorlo started, cutting in. “I know tensions are high right now, but I am here for a reason. I need the full story. From the beginning, you know. Let’s start with this: what all was everything that was stolen, and when did the theft occur?”

“I had a bag and a few minor supplies stolen,” Lecha began, “the most valuable of which was a single reviver seed. But that’s minor in the grand scheme of what happened last night.”

“Agreed,” Tor said, still in his usual monotone. “I was awoken by the sound of Aves’ screech at perhaps halfway through the night. I saw someone make an exit out the door at that time but did not get a good look. I instead went to find Aves and check the egg room and discovered Aves had been knocked out and an egg stolen, at which point I called for the guard.”

... Actually, I just realized, but how have Haru and company not been reacting to all of this here and there? Since this is basically only marginally less shocking a crime to this community than someone turning up murdered right outside the main square.

Shimmer: "Brr... to think that something so heinous could happen in little Theran Village." 😰
Haru: "(Nip, I swear. If you and your damn stomach are somehow responsible for this...)" >_>;

“I started running that way,” Whisper said, beginning her part of the story. “I got about halfway there and heard movement behind me. I broke a luminous orb and was able to catch sight of someone fleeing the scene, carrying—” she took a deep, steadying breath. “—carrying the egg with them. I turned to pursue the thief, and chased them out towards the forest, where Vale came in to try to help. He discharged electricity, but unfortunately I was caught in the fray, and the thief managed to get away.”

Vale: "Also, I might have accidentally Discharged the egg, but let's not talk too much about that..."
:AlviseHurt:


“Do you have any clue where they went then?” Jhorlo asked.

“Vale tried to track the path. We have good reason to believe he entered Sunglow Thicket. As far as we know, he’s still in there, but we aren’t certain.”

The purugly let out a long breath of air, coming out as a frustrated hiss. “I suppose I should fill the crowd in, before we start making preparations to track him down. Whisper, are you sure you want to be in charge of the operation? I can let you rest if you would like, given the situation, you know.”

The hawlucha nodded slowly. “I am positive. This has… unfortunately become personal, and I’d like to see him brought to justice myself.”

And then Nip had a life expectancy of about 4 hours. STAB quad weaknesses be like that. :V

“Very well,” the mayor replied before turning his attention to the still growing crowd. He cleared his throat loudly, bringing most of the uneasy murmurs in the crowd to a stop.

Haru leaned forward to whisper to Shimmer. “Do they even know who the thief is?” Haru asked.

Neither Shimmer nor Muse answered Haru, further twisting the knot in her stomach. She turned her attention back to Jhorlo.

Haru: "... I'm pretty sure that I already know the answer to this, but I'm just really, really hoping it's literally anyone else." >_>;

“Pokemon of Theran Village,” the purugly began. “This meeting brings no good news, I’m afraid. I’m sure some of you heard the commotion late last night, and others have been filled in on it by those that did."

[ ]

"Yes, the rumors are true," the Purugly sighed. "Last night, we had our first egg theft in many cycles. Since before I was Mayor, and before my mate was Mayor. Whisper and Anu’s egg was stolen from the nursery.” He paused, allowing the pokemon to murmur amongst themselves for several heartbeats.

“An egg theft? Here?

“When was the last time we had any crime this serious?”

“Could this be a sign we’ve lost Regigigas’ favor?”

Huh. I actually forgot that 'cycles' were a measurement of time here as well. I know that I saw that used in AHFA as well, though what was the etymology of this term in PWCH?

Haru: "Oh boy, here comes the gods talk again." -_-;
Shimmer: "Haru, seriously, can you not do this right now?" >.<
Muse: "It is a bit unbecoming for the moment, Haru..."

“Now, now, dear villagers. I know this comes at a great shock, but please let me talk. There is more to discuss. Although our valiant guard gave chase, the thief was able to escape, unfortunately. However, we have been able to track him to the Sunglow Thicket. As soon as this meeting is over, we’ll be sending a few of the guard and some volunteers to go and stake out the known dungeon exits.

Haru: "Whelp, so much for Whisper ever getting her egg back." ._.;
Muse: "Can't you afford to be a little more positive, Haru?"
Haru: "Considering how it's been an entire night and I'm pretty sure that Jhorlo is focusing on setting up a dragnet as opposed to a rapid reaction force, uh... yeah. I'm not going to hold my breath. For all we know, Whisper's egg is already dead from lack of warmth."

“But Jhorlo!” A villager from the back of the group called out, someone that Haru could not see. “Do we know who the culprit is?”

“Please give me a moment, I was getting to that. Yes, thanks to witnesses and the hard work of the pursuing guards, we were able to identify the thief as none other than the sneasel that had been staying at Lecha’s clinic these last few days.”

Haru: "... Of course. Now I'm really not going to hold my breath over getting Whisper's egg back." X(

More voices broke out, some louder than others.

“What?!”

“I knew bringing an unvetted stranger into town was bad news.”

“Was he a wildener? What did we know about him?”

“How could this be happening? He seemed so nice!”

I can already hear Nip's snark over how utterly little of a self-preservation instinct all these 'mons except Voice #2 have had he heard a Frism recording of this. Not that Theran Village will ever be as open and trusting to strangers for the foreseeable future after all of this.

“Order!” The purugly called out. “Order please!” Slowly, the cacophony of voices died away. “I know this is a lot to take in. It’s unfortunate that someone we gave such care to has betrayed us. As I said, the guard will be preparing a stakeout of Sunglow Thickets. Anyone who wants to volunteer should meet with Whisper. We will bring this thief to justice. That is all. Please disperse and go about our daily business.”

youre_serious_futurama.gif


I mean, just saying, this would mean a lot more coming from you Jhorlo if it wasn't something like six hours after the initial theft and the MD exits still weren't properly staked out. :V

Slowly, the crowd began to break away in small groups of pokemon talking amongst themselves in hushed whispers. Some pokemon made their way over to where Whisper stood to offer their help. Jhorlo turned his attention to Muse, Shimmer, and Haru.

“Shimmer, dear, I have business to attend to at the villa. Will you see to it that anyone that didn’t happen to be here gets filled in on the situation?”

“Of course, dad,” the kirlia replied with a dismissive wave. “I’ll touch base with Phoel and Numi at the post office and make sure a memo gets delivered to everyone. Would you like me to send a message out to the enforcers union also?”

Jhorlo shook his head. “Not right now. I would like to keep this problem just village business if at all possible. We’ll reconsider it if he manages to give us the slip out of the mystery dungeon.”

:sceptical:


In retrospect, there was a lot hinting that something was up with Jhorlo, since turning down law enforcement help for a crime that's not happened in literal generations in your town is... yeah. Definitely some red flags there.

“With all respect sir,” Muse cut in, “how do you know he hasn’t already?”

“Even a seasoned explorer would take several hours to work their way through Sunglow Thicket. By then we had at least one guard watching every exit, you see.”

“What if he happened to have an escape orb with him?” Haru suggested.

Jhorlo scoffed. “No one reported any orbs being stolen. Only a few medical supplies and a bag from Lecha. And with how few of us settled pokemon venture inside, it’s unlikely he’d find one. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be going. I have a lot of work to do. We have a trade shipment coming in today, as you may already know.”

Muse: "... Sir, don't those literally spawn inside dungeons?" >_>;
Jhorlo: "... They're rare spawns? Plus this setting could have a mechanic where they need to be primed first to work..."
:joltyshrug~1:

Haru: "Sure seems like you're a lot more concerned about this trade shipment than this shocking once in a generation crime. How on earth did you get elected again?" >.<

The purugly dipped his head to Shimmer, then he and his two purrloin guards began to walk back to their home.

Haru carefully slid off Muse’s back. She opened her mouth to excuse herself, but Shimmer held a hand up, glancing back to be sure her father was gone.

“Okay you two,” the kirlia began, “go get any exploration gear you have together. We’ll meet back at the edge of town in an hour.”

“E-excuse me?” Haru stammered. “What on earth are you getting at?”

Haru: "Shimmer, I don't see what we're magically going to accomplish that those guards can't." .-.
Shimmer: "With all due respect to dad, but... this situation kinda requires a bit more urgency than he's giving right now."

Before Shimmer could answer, the call of “Haruuu!” sounded behind her. Whirling around, she saw her brother hurrying up the street as fast as his stubby legs could take him. He took a second to catch his breath. “Did you already hear?”

Haru opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a squeal from Shimmer.

“Toshi-kins!” Shimmer exclaimed. “Oh, this is just perfect, now we have a full team!”

Toshi: "A full what now?" ._.;
Haru: "You're kidding me..." >.<

Toshi slowed to a stop in front of Haru, tilting his head up towards the kirlia. “Huh?” he deadpanned.

Muse turned her head back to look at the kirlia as well. “Shimmer… I think I know what you’re getting at, and I cannot advise it. We don’t know Nip’s strength.”

“Wait,” Haru interjected. “Are you suggesting we go into the mystery dungeon and track him down ourselves?”

Shimmer: "Was it really not obvious about six paragraphs ago?"
:gardeshrug:

Haru: "Again, Shimmer. What are we supposed to do that the guards can't?" >_>;

“That’s exactly what I’m thinking, oh you do catch on fast! Think about it, we’re the ones that brought him here, so that makes it our problem, doesn’t it?”

Haru: "That's not how any of this works!" >.<

“But Shimmer,” Haru protested, “none of us are trained for battle, except Muse. Besides, they’ve got a stakeout in the works. Let the trained battlers handle it.”

Shimmer shook her head. “And sometimes dad makes dummy decisions. I know we’re not fighters, but we still would have the upper hand in numbers.


“Shimmer…” The absol pawed at the ground nervously before shaking her head. “I am going to strongly advise against this. But if we must go, I would like it if Haru did accompany us, at least.”

“W-what? Why?” Haru stammered.

“Because, you’ve had the most interaction with Nip, and thus have the best chance of convincing him to come back without a fight.”

Haru: "Muse... we weren't exactly established to have gotten that friendly with each other over the past five days." >_>;
Muse: "Still more than us!"
:joltyshrug~1:


Haru didn’t like this one bit. Why should she have to get dragged into this mess? “We don’t even know if he’s still there!”

“I don’t know…” Toshi mumbled. “I think it’s worth a shot. Besides,” he added, with a bit of mischief in his eye, “wouldn’t this be a great time to make your name known, if you could help bring a criminal to justice?

“That’s…” Haru began, but she couldn’t come up with a satisfactory argument. He did have a point… As did Muse. “Oh… Why are you taking their side Toshi?”

I might be tripping/forgetting from prior chapters, but I could've sworn that Haru's yearning for notoriety wasn't played up all that much up until this point. Like it might have been something worth bringing up in a couple conversations Haru had with others about how she's hoping to make a name for herself to better drill it into the audience's head that that's a priority for her, which would allow you to frame it here along the lines of "aren't you always saying you want to make your name known? You're not going to get a much better opportunity than this."

“Hey, I want to go out there and join the Rescue Guild or Expedition Society one day. I have to practice dungeon exploring at some point, and what better time to start than now?”

Haru groaned, outmatched. Technically, she could just not go, leaving the rest of them to explore without her, but she could not bring herself to let her brother dive into danger without her. “Fine, just one attempt to find him. But make sure you bring an escape orb. I’m not risking any of our lives down there to peacefully stop an ungrateful egg thief.

“Aw come on, where’s your sense of adventure?” Shimmer teased. “Fine. You and your brother go get your supplies. We’ll meet you in an hour.”

I'm not fully sure if that last sentence from Haru fully works. Since for all she knows, they won't be able to talk Nip down. It might make more sense to frame it more along the lines of "I'm not risking any of our lives down there just for a chance to talk down an ungrateful egg thief."

“You’re better at this, Toshi. What should I grab?”

“We mostly have heal seeds and oran berries, but if you happen to have any pecha or aspear berries, I’d bring them too.”

“Pecha berries I get,” Haru started, pausing to grab a couple in her mouth by the stems and pull them into her bag. “There’s plenty of bug and grass wildeners around here. But why aspear? I don’t know if we even have any.”

“Nip’s an ice type,” Toshi explained, pawing a couple of oran berries out of a basket. He knocked them over to where Haru was before retreating to his room, returning with a couple of seeds that he spat out of his mouth. “It’s possible he’s packing moves that could freeze us. Better safe than sorry. But if we don’t have any, we’ll just have to use heal seeds.”

Haru: "... Right. That'd be a really good reason, actually. Especially since Freezing... isn't exactly a trivial status effect to deal with."
:uhhh:



Haru finished placing the items in her small bag, then nosed her head through the strap, so that it was hanging around her neck. “Well, there’s not a lot of space in here, so we’ll go with what we have. Hopefully Shimmer and Muse have stuff that's more useful for exploring on them.”

“They should still have stuff from yesterday. C’mon, let’s get going before mom gets home and questions where we’re going.”

I’m going to get so chewed out for skipping work, aren’t I?” Haru grumbled, following her younger brother out the door.

I think you're going to get chewed out for a lot more than that given that you're yeeting yourself into a MD to chase after a wanted violent criminal, Haru. :V

The two set off down the path, heading away from town and instead towards the path to the forest. She could see a few tired looking pokemon working their way up the path, likely the few that had been watching the exits before the meeting. A marshtomp among the group let out a yawn and began to speak with the others in his group in a hushed tone, sparing only enough time for the pair of bidoof to give a quick wave of a hand.

A white smudge against the tree line alerted her to Muse’s location, just off the path. She adjusted her route slightly, cutting through overgrown grass and bushes to reach them faster.

Ah, subtle vision cue there, since that feels like something consistent with beaver vision and not human vision, since... yeah, most non-human mammals AFAIK are nearsighted.

Muse had been outfitted with a bigger satchel than usual, carefully secured to her back with a couple straps. Shimmer was down from her usual perch, instead resting against Muse, playfully running fingers through her thick neck fur. “Okay, so you still have the oran berries from yesterday, and you bought a few cheri and pecha berries, an escape orb and a totter orb?”

The absol nodded. “That is correct. I also brought a petrify wand from the villa, but it only has a few uses left in it.”

“That’s fine, we’ll save them for emergencies.” The kirlia opened her eyes. “Oh look, there they are, finally!” A hand raised up, waving Haru and Toshi down. “Hey you two! Come on hurry up already! We’re losing daylight here!”

Haru: "Why am I suddenly getting the feeling that this is a terrible idea?" ._.;
Toshi: "Because we're getting stuck with Shimmer for the next few hours?"
Haru: "Okay, yeah, that's also pretty terrible, but no. I'm pretty sure there's bigger structural issues with this entire plan." >.<

Haru huffed, but picked up her pace regardless, Toshi following close behind. Once the four were together, they did a quick look over of their supplies before setting off, heading down the path into the woods. At first, Shimmer prattled on about various things, intent on offering a distraction, but eventually her small talk gave way to uneasy silence, as they grew closer to their destination. Before long, they could spot splotches of red and orange and brown amongst the greenery.

“Do you see anyone from the village?” Toshi asked, breaking the silence.

“Not here,” Haru responded with a shake of her head. “But as far as I know, there’s not a dungeon exit in this area. Better for us, I guess. I mean, I know we’re all adults here, but can you imagine how most of the village mon would react if they saw us headed into the dungeon, especially right now?”

Haru: "... Which is probably also a sign that we're really woefully unprepared for this, but let's not dwell on that too much!"
:fearfullaugh~1:



Toshi grimaced. “Eugh, fair enough. I think Mom would flip.” He went on to mimic Saku’s voice. “‘Putting yourself in danger like that?’ She’d say. ‘How could you? You worry your mother so much.’”

I mean, would Saku really be wrong there?
:shrugpurr:


Haru snickered slightly as the group made their way down a hill towards the dungeon. “Gotta love Mom. She’s great, but sometimes she just gets so pushy. She’s got it in her head that I’m going to become mates with some powerful dragon-type or something. I mean, really? Maybe I’m not ready to settle down mom, I’ve got a life ahead of me still!”

“Um… Sis?” Toshi mumbled.

Shimmer covered her mouth to restrain a giggle. “Wow Haru, you got some issues!”

Haru realized she had begun to ramble, and how loud her voice had grown. “Er… Never mind. Let’s just focus on the task ahead.”

Haru:
8b4.gif

Shimmer: "Don't worry Haru, not every family can be a winner." :^)

She took the lead, making a beeline for two twisted aspen trees that marked where the distortion began. The grass here came nearly up to her nose, but in little fluctuating patches on the other side, she could see shorter grass covered in fallen red and yellow leaves. She had never been to Sunglow Thicket, but she’d been told the dungeon was trapped in a perpetual autumn, almost like it was frozen in time.

Oh right, I forgot about that quirk of PWCH's MDs. But it's definitely a neat take, even if I think I'd rather hang around a "perpetual spring" or "perpetual summer" MD.

As she stepped through the point where normal and distorted world met, she immediately noticed the drop in temperature from summer to fall air. She paused and shook, as if casting off the cold. While she had only been able to see patches from the outside, in here the trees were completely red and gold. The sound was different too. After passing through, it was as if the normal quiet chatter of forest life just dropped away, leaving only the rustle of trees in a light breeze.

The other three followed closely behind, Toshi walking up to stand beside her and Muse and Shimmer following just behind him. She shifted her weight as she took a better look at her surroundings.

The dungeon had deposited them in a clearing, thick brush impeding their ability to proceed in most directions. Even behind them, the way they came, there was nothing but thick undergrowth. Just to be certain, she took a moment to waddle over and try to push through, only receiving a few thorns in her face for her trouble.

Clever interpretation of the dungeon wall / inaccessible area there.

Haru: "Ow! Okay, so we're not just going to make our way through these things willy-nilly. Anyone see a path?" >.<

“You don’t think he’ll still be in this zone, do you?” Haru asked, turning back to the group.

“I doubt it,” Toshi said. He pawed at the ground anxiously. “I heard the zones typically shift layouts every few hours or so and sweep out any unfortunate pokemon in the area. He would have probably tried to get to the base floor as quickly as possible — where it’s stable — so that he could rest.”

“A good point,” Muse agreed. “Still, I think it would be best that we try to sweep every zone as carefully as possible, to make sure we don’t miss him.”

Oh? What's the difference between a 'zone' and a 'floor' in this setting? The mention of 'zone' made me think that there wasn't a conventional floor layout after seeing this again, though now I'm not sure.

Shimmer reached out to brush her fingers through Muse’s thick neck-fur. “Good idea Musey. You come up with the best ideas!”

Muse lowered her head and rubbed a paw across her muzzle, though Haru could tell she was smiling.

“Well I try to come up with reasonable solutions.”

Muse: "And it's kinda my job as your bodyguard to make sure that you're staying in one piece while going off and doing things like picking flowers in the woods."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Haru: "She... gives you a real workout there, doesn't she?" >_>;
Muse: "No comment."

“Actually…” Toshi started, taking a step back towards the group. “I think we should hurry through this zone. We can spread out our search in the next zone. I’m almost certain he would have moved on by now.”

“I feel that’s fair enough,” Muse agreed. “Let’s hurry. We’re wasting precious time the more we stand around here.”

With an air of caution about them, the group set off, crossing the clearing with their senses peeled, as if expecting wilderners to burst from the undergrowth at any given time. The clearing narrowed into a thin path, just wide enough for them to pass through single file. Muse took the lead, head raised high and treading cautiously while the others followed close behind.

Sunlight slowly shifted as they made slow progress, filtering through the thick, golden canopy. The longer they traveled through the narrowed pathway, the more the undergrowth felt like it was closing in, threating to swallow them up. The path twisted to and fro, leading then in a caravan around tight, blind corners to a point that Haru could not be sure they had not doubled back on their path at some point.

Toshi: "You know, in retrospect, we should've brought something along with us to make a map. Or at least mark off the corners and intersections of this place we've already visited." .-.
Haru: "Er... yeah. But at least we're managing so far? This isn't that hard of a Mystery Dungeon, right?"
:fearfullaugh~1:


But finally, the path began to widen slightly, enough that they could walk in pairs of two. Then it opened into a small clearing a bit further down the path. Muse paused, giving the following pokemon a chance to spread out behind her.

Haru stepped forward to stand beside Muse, scanning the room for any signs of danger.

“Hey, what’s that over there?”

Haru turned her head to the left where Muse was pointing a paw. Across the clearing she could make out something glimmering in the sunlight.

“I don’t know, I’m going to check it out real quick.”

One last quick, cautious look around, and she began to rush across the floor to the glimmering object. As she got closer, she could tell that it was some sort of orb, although she could not tell what kind yet.

Ah yes, just run off ahead on your own in the Mystery Dungeon without your teammates, not a recipe for trouble at all. :V

“Sis, wait!”

Haru glanced back towards her brother, slowing her gait. But before she could say something, she felt the ground shift slightly below her, and heard a soft, clicking noise.

A powerful gust of wind whipped up beneath her. She tried to hold her ground, digging her paws into the dirt, but the gust was too much, and she was hurled into the air backwards towards her teammates where she crashed into Shimmer. She let out a pained squeal as she flopped to the round.

Aaaand it's a Gust Tra-

Haru groaned and pushed herself to her feet, her vision blurred. The sound of beating wings turned her attention back to the orb. As her vision cleared, she saw that a fletchinder had landed in front of it, a couple of fletchlings hiding just behind it.

“This is ours!” The fletchinder chirped. “We found it and you can’t have it!”

Oh right. These guys. I should've expected given the chapter, but...

Muse backed up slightly, lowering her head. “My apologies, we did not realize it belonged to someone. We are just passing through. If you would, please allow us to pass.”

The fletchinder gave pause, looking back to the fletchlings behind him, who returned skeptical looks.

“Really,” Haru grumbled under her breath. “Who leaves something so valuable just laying around on the ground for anyone to grab like that?”

Fletchinder: "We do." ÒvÓ
Haru: "Uh... yeah. Might wanna consider trying something different there..."
:joltyshrug~1:

Toshi: “Oh my gosh, Haru, stop talking!” >_>;

Although she thought she had been quiet, apparently, she was loud enough for the fletchinder to catch her words. He whipped his head back around, talons scraping at the dirt and leaves below him. “What was that?”

Oh right, Haru provokes a fight by saying that out loud.
:hoodLUL:


“Haru,” Toshi urged in a whisper, bumping against her front right leg. “Watch what you’re saying! You never know what kind of mood a wildener is in. Especially in a dungeon!” He turned his attention back to the trio. “Oh, it was nothing! My sister is just in a rush is all. We’re looking for a sneasel that might have passed through here.”

The fletchinder scraped at the leaves again. “A sneasel? You’re out here helping a sneasel?” Toshi blinked a couple times. “What? No! We were-”

But the fletchinder was no longer listening. Both it and the two fletchlings had taken to the air now, along with the two fletchlings. Muse jumped to the side as the evolved bird dove for her head, talons outstretched.

“Shimmer!” The dark type called out. “Get back!”

Live view of how well that attempt at diplomacy's been going for the gang:

pizza-fire-1435263526.gif


“No way!” Shimmer called back, stepping up beside her guard. Her eyes glowed blue with psychic energy. She raised her hands up on either side, and turned her attention to the nearest fletchling, who was now diving towards her. For just a second, she squeezed her eyes shut, then pushed outwards with both hands. The same pale glow from her eyes enveloped the fletchling, seeming to stop it in its tracks.

“Ha ha! Finally! I’m really getting good at using my psychic powers in a fight, Muse!”

Muse: "Shimmer, why would you even-?" >_>;
Shimmer: "No need to compliment me. I know, doing great here."
:gardeshrug:


The absol grunted in response, slicing at the air with her sickle-like horn to ward off the fletchinder. “Don’t you think you should stop talking and finish the attack before it breaks free?”

“Oh, right!” The kirlia giggled, seemingly unperturbed by the danger. She brought her arms back, then swung them to the side in an arc, sending the captured fletchling flying into a tree. It fell to the ground with a pained chirp and did not attempt to get up.

Shimmer: "Thanks for the pointer, Muse. That battle was a cinch!"
:seviuwu:

Muse: "... Yes, Shimmer... (Boy are you fortunate your father assigned me to be your bodyguard.)" -_-;

Haru and Toshi found themselves back to back, each with a few welts coming up where the other fletchling had managed to peck at them with its beak or scratch at them with its talons, severely out speeding the two bidoofs. But when it would flutter too close to her face, Haru would snap at it with her fangs, but so far all she had managed to do was pluck a feather or two.

Waaaaait, I could've sworn that there was no mention of one of the Pokémon going for Haru and Toshi. Like maybe it's just an 'out of focus' thing, but it might have merited mentioning that those wildeners didn't just forget about them while they were readying their attacks.

“This isn’t working!” Toshi called out.

“You think?” Haru called back.

“I’m going to try something, cover for me!”

Haru spun around as her brother took off, running a little way into the clearing. She chased behind him with the fletchling right on her tail. Once he had built up a decent amount of speed, he turned in an arc so that he was facing back towards the fletchling. He sprang into the air and came down curled into a ball, rolling and quickly gaining speed. Haru barely moved of the way as he came barreling past, knocking into the fletchling.

The fletchling tumbled in air, barely managing to keep its balance. Before it could get out of range, Haru reared up on her hind legs to chomp down on its leg, pulling it down to the ground. Its wings beat against her face as it twittered in alarm, trying to peck at her face. She only bit down harder until she felt the delicate leg bone snap in her powerful jaws.



Only then did she finally let go. As the bird tried to rise back into the air, she charged head-first, knocking into it and sending it sailing back a few feet. The small bird tumbled along the ground, coming to a stop a few feet away. Slowly, it managed to turn. Faced with her and with Toshi rolling back for another attack, the bird struggled to take to the air and fled back to the edge of the clearing, ducking down into a patch of grass.

Toshi slowed to a stop. “That was kind of brutal. You sure you’re not a fighter?”

See, even Toshi agrees with me there. o3o;;

Haru didn’t answer, turning her attention back towards Muse and Shimmer to see how they were faring. The absol took a blow to the side from the fletchinder, wreathed in flames. Muse grunted, skidding a few inches back from the force of the blow, but stayed on her feet. She sprang back a few more inches to put distance between herself and the bird.

The fletchinder dove once again. Muse crouched slightly as dark energy began to swirl around her horn. The bird dove again. Just as it closed in, no more than a few inches from her face, Muse sprang up, swinging her head sideways so that the sharp tip sliced across his chest, sending him tumbling through the air. He hit the ground hard and did not rise.

Shimmer: "Somehow I was expecting more of a fight from the toughest of those three wildeners there."
Muse: "Shimmer, maybe don't look a gift Ponyta in the mouth here. It would've been a lot longer of a fight had it gone for you instead." >_>;

The group slowly gathered in the center of the clearing, looking over each other’s injuries. Both Toshi and Haru had a few cuts, but were otherwise fine. Muse had taken a few embers to the face, and her right flank had been singed by the flame charge. Only Shimmer had gotten out of the battle without a scrape.

How’s everyone faring?” Shimmer asked.

“Pass me an oran berry,” Toshi replied. “That should keep me going for a while.”

Toshi... didn't really answer Shimmer's question there. :V

I think you might want to give some sort of acknowledgement of it, e.x. "Could be better. Pass me an oran berry" or something along those lines depending on however you feel best matches with Toshi's state of mind.

“I’ll take one, too,” Haru said, pawing at her bag to remove it and reach for the berries.

“I will be fine,” Muse said. “I do not wish to slow down our pursuit.” Shimmer looked the absol over and frowned before approaching to place a hand on her hip. Muse scraped a paw across the ground, gritting her teeth.

“Nonsense,” Shimmer said with a shake of her head. “You’re hurt and trying to continue with that limp will slow us down more. Let me take care of this.”

The absol lowered her head slightly. “But I… Yes, of course, I’m sorry to have worried you, Shimmer.”

Ah yes, really showing off the more bodyguard side of Muse's persona, since I kinda doubt she'd have just backed down and been concerned about worrying another party were this a direct peer.

Shimmer giggled. “You don’t need to apologize to me Musey! Now hold still, this might feel a little weird.” The kirlia laid a hand over the absol’s flank again, taking a deep breath. Her eyes began to glow with a slight pinkish tint. A wave of pink energy expelled from her hand, then another, and another, washing and wobbling over the absol’s body. The waves continued for several heartbeats, and then faded.

“How’s that feel?”

Muse carefully took a step on her hind leg. “Much better.”

At the positive response, the kirlia sprang forward to wrap her arms around Muse’s neck. “Oh, good! I hadn’t tried using that heal pulse since I got Lecha to teach me.”

Muse: "Shimmer, not that I'm not complaining about being healed, but that isn't the sort of thing you should say to reassure a 'mon."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Shimmer: "Well, it reassured me..."
:loltias:


Muse chuckled weakly reaching a paw up to put just a bit of space between the two of them. “Shimmer, you’re embarrassing me.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Shimmer replied. Though she backed off regardless. “Now come on, we’re losing daylight!”

The group gathered up their things and continued across the clearing, Haru paused to pick up the orb — a slumber orb, she thought.

“You sure you should do that?” Toshi asked. “They’re gonna be pretty mad when they wake up.”

“It could be useful,” Haru countered. “Besides, I’m considering it payment for our troubles. If we’d lost, they totally would have looted our stuff.”

Toshi: "But I'm pretty sure that we started the fight back there by antagonizing them."
:what:

Haru: "Look, nobody forced them to make things come to blows. It's not as if we're just stealing here."
Toshi: "(I'm pretty sure that we by definition are, but whatever, let's just move along. I'm sure these wildeners can just get a new orb eventually.)" >_>;

Toshi gave her an unconvinced look, but didn’t argue, hurrying to catch up with Muse. Haru frowned. He wasn’t mad, was he? She thought she had made a good point. But she decided not to pursue it, continuing forward

Somehow I doubt Nip would've been terribly impressed with Haru's train of thought had he been around to observe this.

“There’s the entrance to the next zone,” Toshi said. He raised a paw to point to the left, where there was a gap in the undergrowth. But instead of a path, it appeared more like an indentation, the trees just behind seeming to warp and twist at odd angles.

Haru: "I'm pretty sure that trees aren't supposed to do that." .-.
Toshi: "Well, no. They aren't. That's how we know we're at the entrance to the next zone." ^^;

By now, they’d walked through several clearings and interconnecting pathways, twisting this way and that so much that Haru wasn’t sure that they hadn’t doubled back on their path at least once. At least they didn’t run into the flechinder again. And yet…

“This was an oddly small floor,” Shimmer mused. “But we didn’t run into Nip, so that must mean that he’s deeper in the dungeon, right?”

“Hopefully,” Toshi agreed.

Toshi: "(Boy it's going to be frustrating if it turns out that we got pecked by birds for nothing and Nip just walked into an ambush of guards.)" >_>;

They crossed the clearing and stepped into the small dent in the undergrowth. When they did, the world seemed to spin and the trees beyond seemed to shift away, opening into another clearing. As they stepped across the threshold, the trees beyond seemed to distort and twist and when the group turned back, there was nothing but trees and thick shrubbery behind them.

Trippy lightshow there, though that's definitely one way to force a floor change.

There were two ways to exit this clearing. One to their left, and one from the top-right corner. Both seemed to curve northwards, from the bit down the paths Haru could see.

“Let’s start with the left,” Toshi suggested, turning. “We have to start somewhere.” The group set off once again, working their way across the zone. After a while, it all seemed to blur together. Path, clearing, path, clearing, crossroads, clearing. They all seemed the same, yet different as they trekked through leaves and around bunches of bushes. A couple times, they encountered wildeners again, but none were bold enough to take them on, fleeing down the paths.

Ah yes, the PMD game experience writ large. I mean, sometimes you get a particularly memorable chamber/floor spawn, but... yeah. :V

When the search through the second floor proved fruitless, they returned to a clearing where they’d seen the distorted route onwards into the third zone.

Oh, so "floor" and "zone" are synonymous in this story. I think anyways. Will file that away as a mental note.

“Figures he would be further in,” Haru mumbled. She shook her head before addressing her teammates louder. “Hey, do you think he might have taken shelter in the stable zone already?”

“All the way at the end?” Toshi asked. “I mean… it’s possible. But I don’t know if he would have traveled that fast.”

Oh hey, I recognize that lingo! Even if dynamics-wise this reminds me a bit more of Psychic Sheep's anchorstone that its MDs have going on. :P

“Besides,” Muse added, “we can’t risk missing him and allowing him to slip away as a result.”

“Fair point,” Haru said “But at the same time why can’t we just—”

She cut off as Muse suddenly stiffened, raising a paw to shush her.

“Shh, someone’s coming,” the absol warned, lowering herself into a crouch. The others shifted to defensive stances as well, following Muse’s gaze to a path into the room with a blind corner. It wasn’t long before the rest of them heard the tell-tale crunching of leaves as some pokemon approached their position.

Haru: "Isn't this just another wildener? I mean, they haven't been that hard to deal with thus far in this Mystery Dungeon..."
:what:

Muse: "... I'm pretty sure that you just massively tempted fate there." >_>;

“Probably just another wilderner that’ll turn tail when they see us,” Haru muttered. But as the pokemon rounded the corner, it quickly became clear that they had run into something much more dangerous.

The pokemon on the far side of the clearing was similar in size to the two bidoof. But they were bipedal, with cream and grey fur. Some of the lighter fur had been dyed with some sort of reddish tone, a spiral design climbing one arm and a crescent design adorning their chest.

Haru: "Wait, what's so dangerous about this again-?"
- Haru thinks back to Nip's explanation of tribal markings -

We typically use half-circle markings and occasionally asymmetrical lines.

Haru: "Oh. Oh. Uh... yeah, I can see the problem here."
:uhhh:


Judging by the large second set of jaws, Haru inferred that the creature must have been a mawile. Something that, as far as Haru knew, was not native to this area, or anywhere nearby.

The mawile seemed to notice them as she entered the clearing and noticed their defensive stances. She turned, locking eyes with Muse, and reached out an arm towards them.

“You there!” She barked in an accent that Haru had come to recognize be all too familiar with the last few days. “If you have seen a sneasel around and know what is good for you, then you will tell me where he is!”

Haru: "We... have no idea what you're talking about?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Toshi: "Haru, what are you going on about? We've been looking for Nip, who's a Sneasel himself. Maybe this 'mon can help!"
- Umbra narrows her eyes back at Haru -
Umbra: "So you do know where he is..."
:absus:

Haru: "Oh stars, Toshi, are you kidding me?!" >_>;

And that's a wrap, as for my overall thoughts @windskull .

I liked the chapter, something felt a little slower burn about it compared to the last, but... yeah, such is life when half the chapter isn't you getting run out of town with a yoinked Hawlucha egg. There were some subtle setting details that had slipped my mind from my initial read, and it was nice to get a refresher here.

As for things that I felt could've done better... mostly a couple of things related to what I felt seemed like missing reaction or description here or there or wording that I disagreed with, but I'm sure you can already gather that from the rest of the writeup. On the whole, I don't have any major structural criticisms for this chapter, but I wasn't really expecting to give any.

Good work, and I'll be looking forward to picking up PWCH as part of a more normal review series later this year. Just have some other reviewing balls that need to be settled once Review Blitz is taken care of. ^^;
 
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UnderSeaWings

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He / Him
Howdy WindSkull,

Just finished blitzing through your story. I'll be honest, this is the amongst the first PMD story I have ever read....and I really enjoyed your take on it. You really breathed life into your story in a way that those really good authors are able to. I love the way that you are able to weave story elements together so cohesively, so that when the reader thinks back on past events there are plenty 'OH' moments as they realize the foreshadowing just as the other shoe begins to drop.

I like that the characters you write are flawed in that realistic, peripheral way. The character seems good and perfectly normal and then you stumble across hints of bias or some Orange/Blue morality that shocks you even though you know that the clues for those behaviours or thoughts have been there all along. Honestly, when I noticed that these would be themes for your story I was pretty intrigued in how you would go about since I have seen some people do it ham-fistedly before. You, WindSkull, have done it in an incredibly invigorating and professional take on it (in my honest opinion).

Despite all the crimes that Nip has committed, past and present, I find them being my favourite character through a great portion of the chapters. I think that this is because I find I really love characters that know they are in the wrong and are troubled by what they have done AND want to be better. That last bit is important. Nip is quite aware of the wrongs they have done and struggles to reconcile the tragedy of their circumstances with what they eventually drove him into doing.

The fact that a combination of continued abuse from what should have been a primary support structure (spouse), the refusal of advice/aid from those Nip trusted (the elders), a religious belief that places death as relief, and the constant stress of their situation may have been the initial cause of their decisions and the fact that the meeting with Celebi has thrown the religious factors into disarray is something particularly fascinating for me, and I look forward to where you are going with great anticpation. :veelove:
“Good luck everyone, you’re gonna need it! And remember! Reality is more than it seems, life is fleeting and worthless! Buy gold! Bye!”
Insert *I see you are a Man of Culture as well* meme here.
 
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windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
Review replies! I think I already replied to a few of these privately, but I'll reply here as well regardless.
-I’m a fan of the smell emphasis on the skirmish site, especially since I’m not given many visual details other than some vague forestry. Nip’s appearance is much more detailed, though it does stop the pacing of the scene to make it happen.
-Using scents to identify locales is a neat, animal kingdom concept. Wonder if you’ll expand on it.
I'm glad you like the sensory use. I think I've fallen out of it a bit in more recent chapters, and its something I'd like to expand upon more as it is intentional. Your critque is noted for a future edit.
-There seems to be a redundancy here where the chapter title is being posted twice? Actually, I think multiple chapters have the chapter name posted twice.
I thought I caught all those! Will go back and fix soon
-If Nip is trying to stay guarded and avoid detection, why is he talking to himself instead of just thinking to himself? :P
He may be stupid ;P
-Haru mentions Nip “waking up today.” Did I miss the indication of how long he’d been out for?
It's meant to be a couple days, but I'm not actually sure I mentioned it. Will review and edit it in later if necessary.
-If the goal is to make Haru seem on the sheltered side with her shock at Nip’s hunting revelations, then mission accomplished. In general she comes off as a bit… insensitive to Nip, but that might be the point? You definitely write her like someone going through culture shock despite her still being home. Also I think Nip had a bit of a Freudian slip there when he said “lived.”
Definitely was the intention. My goal with Haru was to make her feel like she's a bit in her own world and tries to block out other posibilities because her way has to be the right way, right?
-Is Nip implying any couples in his tribe are arranged? Wait, the mawile isn’t, like, his consort or something, is she?
8)
-I was honestly expecting them to run into Mawile in the forest, not some random quilava. But I guess you were lulling me into a false sense of security for her stalking Nip back toward the village.
An earlier version of the chapter had Nip picking up Umbra's scent and convincing everyone to head back. This was changed in a later edit to give Nip stronger ties to the main cast.
-Similarly, I wasn’t expecting that to lead into Nip just… stealing an egg from the daycare like it was nothing. I guess this is the infamous egg thing that people have memed about across multiple servers? About the biggest bit of self-preservation that came out of this was Nip going into the mystery dungeon for cover. With the way the egg was described, I feel like it would’ve slowed him down more and allowed the guards to catch up. I’m surprised he even held on when he was hit with electricity.
This whole setup is something I want to tweak in future edits. Not change entirely, but make it cleare that htere was some degree of inner turmoil before he went through with it.
-Some of Toshi’s characterization reminds me a bit of Explorers’ Bidoof and I refuse to believe that isn’t intentional. Still, Haru’s definitely got the right idea of this group but, well, it wouldn’t drive the plot forward if they didn’t do this dumb thing, I suppose.
It's a liiitle bit intentional, but there's actually another, non-pokemon character that has a bigger influence on his characterization.
-At the beginning of the fight with Umbra it’s a bit unclear whose perspective you’re writing it from. It almost seems more omniscient than the limited view you’d used up until this point. I assume Haru is supposed to be the POV character, but she and her brother are referred to as two bidoof when attacking Umbra, which almost makes it seem like the mawile is the POV character. Overall it’s kinda jumbled for me.
I'll keep this in mind and try to address in edits. Thanks for the review!

I know I already discussed a few things with you but I'll go ahead and reply publicly as well
Tbh I haven't read a whole lot of PMD fic. The setting itself is a little ridiculous to me since different species seem to have absolutely no differing characteristics and all act pretty human. This doesn't go full xenofiction or anything but it still does have a nice mix of characteristics. For the most part that seems limited to predator / prey species dynamics.
Definitely intentional. I wanted to go for a degree of animalistic approach without going into full xenofiction. It's given me its ups and downs.
I do hope that gets explored more since the complaints of the wild 'mons could help expose the flaws of the town and maybe help get protagonists to start really questioning things more. Especially with the hints that the town is run by someone who is totally fine with extrajudicial killings if he gets an exotic meal out of it.
Definitely something I want to address more.
I am slightly confused by bags / currency. Muse or the bidoof would really struggle to use bags and coins, but apparently everything can only be bought with them. Feels like a weakness of the setting where something like a central ledger with credit scores might work better if there aren't too many travelers. Coins just seem like a big middle finger to quadrupeds or incorporeal ghosts or magneton. It is taken from canon tho so it gets a pass.
Fair point. I might give the money some thought if I make any major edits.
I have, like, no read on Muse. I know we have some of the backstory but he just feels like he has no personality or interests beyond being the mayor's servant and being able to fight. Having anything more from his POV or, like, a hobby or strong opinion would be nice for fleshing him out more. Especially since it seems like he'll be a major character moving forward.
Muse's lack of characterization is definitely something I"d like to tweak some in future edits. She's getting a bigger focus in current chapters, though, so I hope that makes up for things a bit.
Gods, why are the only lesbians capitalists...
Who said they were the only lesbians? 8P
Oh, I guess I should talk about Nip. Yeah, I get that he's supposed to be sympathetic. I get that he was in an abusive relationship. I still can't exactly forgive him for infanticide / murder. Multiple times. Honestly I was annoyed when they weren't for rehabilitation and nothing since then has really changed my mind. This is also a good case for ranked choice voting rather than first past the post. Sixteen people voted for some serious punishment. Ten voted against it. That won because the people who weren't so forgivign were divided. There should really be some electoral reform here.
I legitimately love hearing people's thoughts on Nip, and seeing how sympathetic different people feel. That was completely intentional. That said, I do sometimes worry I put him a little further in the "irredeemable" category than I meant to.
Also kind of curious how their government works? The judiciary is handled as a democracy but Shimmer is just sort of expected to take over after her father bites it for the ninth time. Speaking of Shimmer I really liked her POV segment in the last (?) chapter. Hints at some darkness. I'm sure whatever went down with her mother will eventually come back to play a role in the plot. Or at least in her characterization. And plushes being the equivalent of body pillows in the pokemon world is not something that I needed to think about at all.
NGL I kiiiinda regret the plushie thing in hindsight. Feels like I might have gone a little too far. Might remove it in a future edit.

I've also responded to a few things for you, but here's some more in-depth responses
I also dunno how I forgot about that detail from my first readthrough, but it makes sense given that Nip's neighborhood and Theran Village don't even share a writing system. It's only logical you'd hear an audible difference in their speech even if it was still mutually intelligible.
Yeah, this was my way of giving things simple, regional dialects without making them completely unable to communicate.
I'm actually curious as to what the backstory of 'Theran' name-wise is. Since it reminds me of 'Therian', or something related to animals or especially mammals. But I've never been able to get a solid read on it.
It's literally "The Oran" mashed together. Not the most creative folk are they? 8P
I feel that if Twi is just now realizing this, it might make sense to drop in a paragraph mentioning her basically stopping and realizing that something is not "normal" with Nip there. Or at least what that looks like from the outside looking in. Though I suppose that resolves the earlier question I had in the last block.
Will consider it for future edits.
Another neat bit showing off the comparative cultures in this setting. Though I have to wonder if Nip actually does have a conception of a village but under a different term.
Sort of. He has the concept of a group of pokemon being called a Tribe. The closest comparison he would have to a village is Resting/Nesting Grounds.
I personally feel that there's a couple of structural tweaks that ought to be made here. One would be to add some sort of general description of the square and its layout as part of paragraph 2, with Haru spelling out the details of it in her dialogue as she does.

The other recommendation I'd make would be to chop up Haru's dialogue there, since... it's kinda 9 sentences in a row with no breaks.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Like it feels like it might work better divided into something like 2 paragraphs, give a chance to show off Nip's reaction a bit in between since this is a very alien environment for him and then move on.
Will mark it as a possible edit.
I see that Death from Above is a significant concern up north given that line of dialogue.
:fearfullaugh~1:
What, you mean you don't have to deal with Breviary swooping in and eating your young?"
I take it that even before his falling out with home, that Nip's tribe didn't look highly on displays of weakness.
You would guess correctly
I see that Anu is a +Spd, -Atk Lucario. Either that, or just very, very bad at speaking to strangers.
:blepgia:
Why not both?
Oh, so that's what got Nip into trouble.
:hoodLUL:
He may be stupid.
I mean technically she can limp her way to Theran Village for medical treatment if desperate enough. But unless if I'm missing something here, Umbra kinda just put that Kangaskhan into a situation where she might very easily succumb to infection later on. So 'sparing' is a bit overly generous a term there. ^^;
I mean, this is Umbra we're talking about. She's not exactly the kindest mon around.
I... completely forgot that wildeners in this setting weren't above taking bites out of townies on a regular basis. Though it makes sense given that they don't exactly telegraph their affiliations frequently.
:fearfullaugh~1:
There's a reason they tend to travel in groups, especially if they're not experienced fighters 8P
Ah yes, this is where the chain of events that leads to Hawlucha balut are set in motion.

I feel that while it's not the end of the world that Nip ultimately gets steered down this train of thought, it probably makes sense for him to strike out some other alternative options along the way before getting here. Since even if "asking for/stealing money to buy food from Mandi's" is out of the question, stealing from Mandi's where there's frozen meat stockpiled or attempting to yoink a non-fertile egg from a Chansey if Theran Village has one would've gotten him into significantly less trouble than the course of action he ultimately settles on.

it probably makes sense for him to consider routes like those, only to realize that they wouldn't work for one reason or another (e.x. he's unable to get the sort of money he needs for the amount of food he'd need for a long journey, if Mandi's is known to be constantly guarded by someone out of Nip's league, or if it's mentioned as a passing detail such as through medic hut chatter that there are no Chansey in all of Theran Village), while the route that Nip ultimately takes is guaranteed to nuke his popularity in Theran Village and presumably he wouldn't want to do that if he thought he had other options.
This whole sequence is something I want to overhaul in a future edit. SOme outcome, but clearer thought process.
I'm now getting the opening refrain of English OP5 from the Anime stuck in my head for this bit. It's really darkly hilarious for this context.
:loltias:
I had to look it up bc I couldn't remember which one that is. ANd... LOL
... Actually, I just realized, but how have Haru and company not been reacting to all of this here and there? Since this is basically only marginally less shocking a crime to this community than someone turning up murdered right outside the main square.
SOmething to consider for future edits.
Huh. I actually forgot that 'cycles' were a measurement of time here as well. I know that I saw that used in AHFA as well, though what was the etymology of this term in PWCH?
Short answer: The seasons repeat, thus there's a "cycle" of seasons.
I might be tripping/forgetting from prior chapters, but I could've sworn that Haru's yearning for notoriety wasn't played up all that much up until this point. Like it might have been something worth bringing up in a couple conversations Haru had with others about how she's hoping to make a name for herself to better drill it into the audience's head that that's a priority for her, which would allow you to frame it here along the lines of "aren't you always saying you want to make your name known? You're not going to get a much better opportunity than this."
Yeah, that's something I want to do better in future spruce ups.
Oh right, Haru provokes a fight by saying that out loud.
:hoodLUL:
Let it be said that charisma is not her forte.

I imagine there are some members of the village feeling a bit salty about these young people waltzing onto the scene and messing up their vote, heh. I think it's a little odd that if the group had done what they'd been told and stayed in the healing hut they would've missed out, and Nip's fate would have been very different. Seems like they'd want to try and make sure as many eligible people as possible show up to that sort of trial. Otherwise it could be very easy to manipulate the outcome by arranging for people opposing you to be off doing something else (or injured, lol) at time of vote.
Oh, definitely. Some of Nip's guards make it abundantly clear they're not happy about watching him 8P
I wonder whether the eevee siblings (I'm assuming!) happened to rise to power in each of them, or whether they're the respective founders of each group. I'm curious to learn more about their relatiionship...
Curious indeed. I wonder if we'll ever get answers...
As a quick note, it's "flaaffy," not "flaffy," because GameFreak is Like That about pokémon name spellings. Also "gorebyss."
Noted for future edits.
To be honest, and jumping ahead a bit to Chapter 12, I'm curious about how much Shimmer knows about her dad's terribleness. He seems to do his best to hide his plans from her, but she can literally read fucking minds. Yes, she doesn't like to do it, and Jhorlo's explicitly told her to not do it on top of that. But what about when she was just learning to control her powers? No glimpses into what's up with dear old Dad? And she's never been tempted to read his mind outside of that? Never caught a whiff of particularly strong (and eeeeevil) emotion? She manages to justify mind-reading to herself twice in this chapter alone on fairly flimsy/"but I want to, tho" grounds, so it's hard for me to believe she's never gotten a psychic hint of what Jhorlo has going on. But if she has and has been hiding it from everyone else, damn, that's a lot! It would make for quite a twist.
I do have plans to address this at some point. Exact timing tbd.
The discussion between Nip and Haru in Chapter 11 felt like a bit of a retread of the trial scene in Chapter 9, which Nip even comments on, heh. Nip does get to elaborate a bit more on his views than he did there, but it feels like he hit most of the same beats... He didn't want the kids to suffer the same kind of life he did, so he killed them; he didn't steal from the meat shop because he wasn't thinking clearly and the nursery was much closer/unguarded; Umbra was terrible and abusive to him. I'm not sure what you were getting at with this scene; happy to talk it over if you want ideas for how to bring what you had in mind to the forefront more clearly!
Yeah, I'm not super jazzed about how I handled the chapters between the trial and celebi's appearence. Especially wrt tempest. I have plans to eventually overhaul this section, but it's something planned for after a certain point in the fic, and it's gonna be a while before I get there.
I'm intrigued by the emphasis on how different Celebi is from the old stories about them. An indication of something wrong with the stories, or with Celebi? I wonder if this world actually has multiple celebi, or if this is one of those where the legendary can be reborn/recruit a new version of themselves and this is still the only "Celebi" but literally a different person. Perhaps the gods withdrawing had something to do with a mass die-off that required a bunch of regeneration or recruitment and it's now a different set of people running the show, hmm.
Interesting theory!
Other than that I didn't recognize any of the species mentioned; not sure if that's me being very bad at recognizing pokémon based on written descriptions or they're mutants/variants of some kind and I wouldn't be expected to anyway.
I'll just straight up note for those that weren't clear: While there are some pokemon one would expect, a large portion are either beta pokemon or pokemon that logically shouldn't exist in a human-free world. Why they're here is yet to be seen.
The first proper chapter of the next arc is comparatively much quieter. I'm glad to see some Muse POV here, as she remains the most mysterious of the main cast so far, and also absol are great. And of course, she's connected to whatever kind of Badness is going on with Jhorlo; the confirmation here that something went wrong with the Regigigas expedition that had a huge impact on the main cast's families and Theran Village overall is good to see and makes me hopeful that things will come to a head around that fairly soon.
This chapter was definitely structured as being a "check in on how everyone is doing before shit hits the fan." The fan has not been hit yet, but... soon.

Thanks a bunch for the reviews!

@love I don't have much specific to say here, but I went back and applied most of your suggestions and wrote a few lines that implied at least SOME prep is being done. Hope you like this next chapter. 8)

@Sinderella I don't have much specific here either, but glad you're enjoying what you read so far!

@UnderSeaWings nothing specific here, but glad you're enjoying it so far. Thanks for reading!
 
19: Her Hidden Thoughts

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
I forgot to mention this when I published my last chapter, but special thanks to sparklingespeon for coming on as a beta reader!

Chapter 19: Her Hidden Thoughts


Whisper silently stared at Muse for a long time, expression unreadable. Her fierce eyes gave nothing away, nor did her body language. Muse’s heart thundered in her chest. What did she think? Did she believe her? Was she upset? Should she have said anything at all? Did she pick the wrong pokemon to confess to?

“This is… a lot to take in,” Whisper finally said. “Especially coming more or less out of nowhere like this. Is there anything else you can tell me? Anything at all?”

She believed her! Muse perked up slightly, the worst of her worries dissipating, only to tense again when she remembered the worst of the details.

“The dream was dark,” Muse began, crouching and staring at the floor. “But I saw the flickering glow of… of fire, I think. There were loud, explosive noises. Like…” She paused, trying to think of a reasonable comparison. “Like a self-destructing graveler. There were many eyes watching me, surrounding me like a cage. When I woke, my horn burned, and my body ached like I’d been attacked with a thousand tiny cuts. The burning hasn’t gone away since.”

She looked up, eyes wide as she stared at Whisper again. “You. You do believe me, right?”

Whisper let out a long breath, her gaze traveling up and down Muse as if sizing her up. She raised a wing, scratching at the side of her face, harder and harder until a feather came loose. Then she stiffened, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“That’s… Concerning,” Whisper admitted, moving behind her desk to grab a piece of parchment and a piece of charcoal. “It’s more informative than what Celebi gave us, but it’s still horribly vague. Do you have anything else you can tell me? Anything else you can remember?”

Muse sighed, lowering her gaze. “Unfortunately, I don’t really know how to interpret it. How figurative or literal it might be. I never got proper seer training. My mom died before I was old enough to learn, and there’s no one else in the village that could fill in the gaps. I could make guesses, but they’d be little more than that? Maybe the enemy is unknowable? Or some sort of natural disaster? I don’t know.”

“Jhorlo never got you a tutor?” Whisper began to write, but paused and looked up when Muse stopped talking. “He made sure you were so well taken care of otherwise, I’m surprised he didn’t do that as well.”

Muse shuffled her feet. “I… I asked him about it eventually – a few cycles back, when I was getting close to of-age. He said he’d get around to it, but he never did. Not… that I pursued it too much. I didn’t particularly want to follow in my mother’s pawsteps and…” She smiled wryly and a hint of bitterness seeped into her tone. “Well, we Absol don’t have much of a choice, do we?”

Whisper went back to writing. “True, true.” Sitting the charcoal down, she lifted the paper and brought it close to her face, looking it over in the dim light. “Well, Anu has a little experience with dream interpretation, albeit not nearly at the level of a true seer. If it’s alright with you, I would like to talk to him about your dream. We can discuss what the best course of action is.”

“Really?” Muse perked up, her tail waving slightly.

“That said,” Whisper continued, bringing Muse back to attention, “there was something you said that bothered me. You are Shimmer’s bodyguard, correct?”

“I am.”

“And you said you’ve told her nothing so far, right?”

Muse dipped her head. “Correct. Where are you going with this?”

Whisper laid the parchment in front of her. “If… whatever your dream was about is as bad as it sounds, don’t you think you should tell her? At least the basics, if nothing else.

Muse froze, pupils dilating. Despite her best efforts, she could feel her hackles beginning to rise. “I… I don’t want to involve her.” The words tumbled out of her mouth in an excuse that felt weak, even to her. “It’s my duty to protect her. I can’t just involve her like that. She should be worrying about improving her leadership skills and her psychic powers, not this.”

“With all due respect…” Whisper began with a tilt of her head. “Isn’t she already involved by virtue of being your charge? On top of that, if this is serious enough that you’re coming to me, then it’s something that affects the whole village. Whether you like it or not, she’s involved just by being here.”

Opening her mouth, Muse struggled to come up with more protesting words, but she could think of nothing. Whisper had a point. She shrank back and, after a moment, finally mumbled, “I just… I don’t want her getting hurt. Especially not for my sake.”

The room grew silent. Muse peeked up and swore she caught a knowing glint in Whisper’s eye, but the hawlucha’s expression was as stern as usual. After several false starts, Whisper spoke up. “I understand your worry. But think of it like this: the best way she can protect herself is to be prepared. But how can she be prepared if she doesn’t know to expect trouble?”

Once again, Whisper had a good point. But negative thoughts still nagged the back of Muse’s mind. What if she wants to get involved? I won’t be able to stop her. What if knowing makes her reckless. What if she thinks the best way to protect herself is to keep her distance? What if… What if…

“It may be your job to protect her,” Whisper went on, snapping Muse out of her spiraling thoughts, “but she has to live her own life. She can’t do that if you coddle her and treat her like a child all the time — something several villagers could learn, now that I mention it.” The last part was muttered under her breath.

“I-I would never treat her like a child!” Muse sputtered, standing back up straight.

“Then start treating her like an adult. Be honest with her. And not just about the premonition. I think there’s other things you need to open up about, aren’t there? I think she’d appreciate it.”

Muse’s heart skipped a beat. What was Whisper implying? She knew Shimmer better than anyone. She knew exactly how much of Shimmer’s personality was a facade, a carefully constructed mask so that others would underestimate her. But she also knew how much that mask had affected her ability to be genuine. And she knew how much of that had developed around allowing her to get her way — even when she shouldn’t have.

She could only dwell on those thoughts for so long. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Whisper. Thank you. But…” She glanced out the window. “It’s getting late, and I do not believe I have anything else to tell you at this time. If I learn anything else, I will let you know.

Whisper stood up, expression unreadable. “Understood. Thank you for trusting me with this, Muse. Have a good night.” With that, Whisper stood and moved to hold the cloth partition open, then did so again with the wooden door, letting Muse out into the crisp night air.


Muse walked around the main path for a bit, trying to sort out her thoughts. In the distance, she could hear the chirping, hums, and warbles of a bug-type chorus. Though it wasn’t particularly late, most pokemon in the village had settled down for the night by now. Nocturnal pokemon tended to adjust to a daytime schedule in settlements as small as this one. Outside of special duties that needed to be done at night, like guard duty. Speaking of which, Vale seemed to be on duty right now; she spotted him pacing the perimeter of the village square with his head low. Not in the mood for small talk, she gave him a wide berth and made her way up the trail to the villa.

The large stone walls stood out against the night sky, a monolithic dark spot that blotted out the stars. Few structures in the village compared to its size, and even fewer were as sturdy. Only the temple and tavern could compare in size, and only the jail in security. Muse felt just a bit safer once inside.

The foyer was dark; only a single, dimly glowing luminous orb sat on a table and moonlight from outside provided any visibility. Muse carefully picked her way around furniture, heading for the ramp to the second floor, where Shimmer’s room was.

Before she could reach it, though, the creaking of wood and scent of blood caught her attention. She tensed, the burning sensation of her horn flaring up. Was the subject of her premonition already here? Shadowy wisps gathered around her claws as she prepared to strike, should the sound prove to be a threat.

“What are you doing?”

The accented, lilting voice caught her off guard, but made the attack dissipate. It did little to soothe her nerves, however.

“Miss Umbra?” she asked, blinking. Sure enough, the mawile moved into a shaft of moonlight, clear enough to see. Muse blinked. “What are you doing up so late?”

“I could say the same to you,” Umbra replied, passing by so close that they almost touched. “I do not believe it to be any of your business.”

Is she dodging the question? Combined with the scent of blood… No. Muse shook out her fur, trying to soother her nerves. I’m over reacting. Jumping to the worst conclusions. Umbra had probably just injured herself. Or perhaps she had a raw meal. Perhaps not the safest option, given the chance of disease. But given what she’d seen of Nip’s eating habits, it would make sense. She didn’t want to think about the alternatives, from the tamest to the most severe. She went out of her way to not think about those sorts of things, normally, and she didn’t care to start now.

“I went for a walk,” Muse finally explained. “Sorry for bothering you, Miss Umbra. I’ll be on my way.” Slipping back around the mawile, she crept down the hall, light on her feet. Her path took her first to Shimmer’s room, where she peeked inside. The kirlia was fast asleep, comfortably curled up in a pile of straw, covered by a blanket of wool. On most nights, Muse would join Shimmer — as she had been invited to do so at any time — but tonight she was hesitant. She needed time to think. Backing out of the room, she pulled the door shut with her teeth, then headed back towards her normal room in the servant quarters.

The rooms here were simpler, though not in a bad way. While certainly nothing like Jhorlo’s office, or even Shimmer’s room, there was still enough opulence that she lived comfortably. As she walked, her thoughts drifted back to her conversation with Whisper, then to Shimmer.

So caught up in her thoughts, her paw caught on something in the walkway. She stumbled forward, biting back a curse. Had one of the twins left something out? She turned back to investigate.

“…Muse? Is that you?”

A rustle of fabric followed Lotte’s voice. The purloin poked her head out from her own room. Her eyes were wide, and she crouched low to the ground as she looked around.

“It’s me,” Muse replied, shaking out her paw. “I just tripped on something.” She turned her attention back to the object. It was a small, rough hewn bag, smelling slightly of blood.

“Sorry about that,” Lotte said, creeping the rest of the way out to join Muse. “Jaques left it out here so that he doesn’t forget to clean it. Don't ask me why.”

“Did he go to Mandi’s shop today?”

Lotte tilted her head up and began to weave around Muse’s legs, tail high. “Well, of course he did. Where else is he going to get lunch from? Why? Are you hungry?”

After a heartbeat of hesitation, Muse decided she didn’t want to answer that. She tensed and pulled away, prompting Lotte to back off with a lashing tail.

“Sorry,” Muse mumbled. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Lotte let out a long breath. “No, you don’t need to apologize. I should have asked first. I know we’re not as… close as we used to be.” She muttered something that Muse couldn’t quite catch, eyes flickering with wistfulness, then put on a forced cheerful expression. “But… I shouldn’t be dwelling on the past. How have you and Shimmer been? She… did say yes, right?”

Muse’s eyes widened, caught off guard by the change in subject. She stuttered trying to come up with a response. “I-I. W-well…”

“Don’t tell me you still haven’t confessed to her!” Lotte’s tail stuck up straight and her pupil’s dilated.

“Shh! Keep your voice down!” Muse glanced behind herself before continuing in a low voice, “I don’t need everyone knowing before I can bring up the courage to ask her out myself!”

Honestly, Muse, where has your confidence gone? You were never this shy when we were dating.” Lotte sat down and began to run her tongue over a paw before running it behind her ear. Muse averted her eyes, uncomfortable; watching another pokemon groom was kind of intimate. But they weren’t partners.

Not anymore, at least.

“You were the instigator, though.” Muse pointed out. “You asked me out. This is different. Now I have to be the one to ask Shimmer out. And besides —” she sat down heavily “— it’s not that simple. It’s my sworn duty to protect Shimmer. That dynamic makes it… difficult to just talk about my feelings. You and I were on equal footing. But I’m performing a job for Shimmer.”

“A job that requires you to share a room with her?” Lotte tilted her head. “Sounds like some normal boundaries are crossed, anyways.”

“That’s…”

“Look, Muse.” Lotte paused her grooming, looking at Muse with one eye. “I know we have… differing opinions about how things are run around here. You don’t like the secrecy that Jhorlo uses, but you stay out of his fur out of respect for what he did for you. Jaques and I are in a similar boat, but we directly help him keep the village running smoothly where we can, even if that means getting our paws dirty. He gave us shelter when Mom disappeared, and I have to respect that.”

She hesitated, then continued. “I know those differences are a part of why we split. But despite all that, I’m trying to give you some solid advice here. You need to share your feelings with Shimmer before it eats you up inside. It’s already messing with you emotionally. You put on this stoic face to try and be strong or something, but you’re just hurting yourself in the process. You and Shimmer are already close. What’s the worst that could happen?

Muse’s claws dug into the wooden floorboards. She knew Lotte had a point, but at the same time… “She could say no, and it would lead to a schism in our friendship. Besides, she already has her sights on Toshi.”

“And does he reciprocate?”

Muse didn’t answer.

Lotte flicked her tail. “Well, whatever you decide, just don’t let yourself have regrets for staying silent.” She stood, heading back for her room, but paused halfway in. “And Muse… well, if you ever change your mind about… well… us, or decide you have room in your heart for two girls, I’m right here.” With that, she disappeared into the darkness, leaving Muse alone with her swirling thoughts.


Umbra poured three buckets of warmed water into the stone basin of the washroom, threw in a few aromatic leaves, then lowered herself inside. She shuddered at the feeling of water in her thick fur, but it was a necessary evil. Over the last moon, she’d grown used to the regular schedule of washing away any traces of her hunting trips, but she still hadn’t grown used to the sensation.

Tonight’s hunting trip went well enough. She’d caught a raticate, then she and Vale had worked together to bring down a lopunny. Many mouths would be fed between the two of them, though they would never know the secret behind their food supply. The other carnivores thought themselves better than wildeners because they didn’t hunt, didn’t kill for their food. And though none said it, she was certain the few villagers she’d talked to thought themselves better than her because their culture allowed them to pretend they did not have to kill to live. But they were all fools.

She scrubbed at her fur for a while, until she was sure there would be no lingering traces — sight or scent — of blood, then she stepped out and released a stopper in the basin, allowing the water to drain outside. As she looked herself over, she realized that the markings signifying her rank in the tribe had completely faded away. A frown crossed her maw. During her travels, she’d always made sure to keep them fresh and visible, a statement of who she was. But she’d been kept so busy lately, she hadn’t had time to think about reapplying them. Let alone any real time to plan getting her claws on Nip.

Yveltal forgive me, she thought. I swear I haven't forsaken you.

It did her no good to dwell on the sour thoughts right now, so she forced them away. After patting herself nearly dry with cloth, she returned everything to its rightful place and stepped back into the tunnel — no, the hall, if she remembered the term correctly.

“Ah, Umbra, there you are.”

One of the purrloin — Jaques, if she remembered correctly — was standing in the hallway, the tip of his tail twitching. He dipped his head in respect. “Just in time.”

Umbra groaned inwardly. What now? But what she said was, “Did you need something?”

“Jhorlo asked me to fetch you. He wanted to speak with you. In private.”

Umbra’s pensive frown turned into a scowl. “Can it not wait until morning? I am tired after a long day of doing his work for him.”

Jaques was unfazed. “I am only telling you what he asked of me. You’re free to refuse, of course, but I would recommend against it. Jhorlo is benevolent, but he does have such a temper when things don’t go his way.”

“Is that a threat?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it! It is merely a warning.”

Umbra sized him up, having a feeling it was both. Jaques was lean and well-muscled, his pelt rippling with hidden strength. But it was clear to her that he’d never been in a real fight. And besides that, she had the elemental advantage. He was no different from Nip — if he did mean to harm her, she’d have no issues putting him in his place.

What came after could cause trouble, though. She had no allies here, no one coming to her defense. She couldn’t even put her trust in Vale, someone in a situation like her own. She snorted, her back jaw clenching to show her displeasure. “Fine. Take me to him.”

Together, they walked down the dark hallway, coming to a stop in front of the door she now knew was Jhorlo’s. Jaques nosed the door open before flicking his tail, gesturing for Umbra to step inside.

Jhorlo was already here. And, unsurprisingly, so was Vale. The manectric sat in one corner with his shoulders hunched, his gaze occasionally shifting between Jhorlo and herself. Umbra still smelled the faintest traces of blood. He’d obviously not cleaned up before this meeting. Probably not by choice. She suspected he was only here as a threat to her, to make it clear that a fight would not be tolerated.

She stopped in front of Jhorlo and turned to face him, staring with poorly disguised hatred. The purugly looked her over, then lifted one paw, claws glinting in the cold light as he gave it a nonchalant inspection. “Vale tells me your hunting went well.”

Umbra stiffened and stood up straighter, falling into old habits for a moment. “Yes. We were able to catch a—”

“That’s quite alright, no need to go on, my dear. He told me all about it.”

Did he really interrupt her? How infuriating. Her lip curled back to show her teeth, and she dug her claws into her palms, but she had the sense to hold her tongue. If things worked out the way she hoped they would, she’d find a way to get back at him. She and Vale had spent plenty of time together since Jhorlo had borrowed him to be her “guard.” From the way he talked, it was clear he held a similar level of resentment for the mayor. All she needed to do was wait for the right moment.

“That’s not why I called you here, regardless.”

Finally satisfied with his inspection, Jhorlo put his paw down and stared Umbra in the eye. “How long have you been with us now? It has to have been at least a moon, I feel.”

Umbra paused. How long had it been? Several days had passed since that… false prophet — that was the only logical explanation she could come up with for the celebi’s strange, inconsistent behavior — had appeared. “That sounds right,” she answered carefully.

“Quite a bit of time, is it not? I expected you to have dealt with your problem by now.”

Was this some sort of joke? “Well, if you remember, sir, your village chose to try and rehabilitate the problem I was supposed to solve. He is always busy, always kept under close watch. You have left me with few opportunities to get close, let alone deal with him.”

“Is that so? How unfortunate. You seemed much more clever than this, I thought.” Jhorlo cast her a pitying look, but she could tell from his eyes that he was getting some sort of enjoyment out of this. He knew he had set her up to fail, and he was enjoying mocking her.

He went back to inspecting his paws. “No matter. Continue to lollygag, for all I care. However.” He glanced back at her out of the corner of his eye. “You should do something soon, I suggest. I’m starting to hear… questions.”

“Questions?”

“Yes, yes. Questions about your reason for still being here. Questions about what you’re doing to earn your keep. When a pokemon does nothing but laze about all day, especially one that’s done little to get in the good graces of the village, they start to ask questions. I’ve given them some simple answers about how I gave you some time to get situated.” He flexed his claws. “But if you continue to do nothing to make yourself useful, especially in times like these, then I’m afraid I won’t be able to offer you protection for much longer.”

Not doing anything for the village? Umbra let out a low growl. “Half of your village would be starving, if not for me.”

“Would they? Or is that just what you say to make yourself feel better? We were getting on just fine before you arrived.”

“Then why is it so important I hunt for you, then?” Umbra demanded.

“Well, we have more mouths to feed now, thanks to your lot.”

“That’s your village’s fault.”

Jhorlo laid his head on his paws, looking down at her smugly. “No, it’s your fault for not getting your part of the bargain done. But I can’t exactly go telling everyone that, now can I? So, if you want to keep staying here, I suggest you either take care of your problem, or make yourself useful. It would be unfortunate if you had to… disappear, wouldn’t it?”

Umbra’s temper flared. She took a step forward before remembering that Vale was in the room. With a deep breath, she glared at Jhorlo through narrowed eyes. “Fine. I’ll figure something out.”

Grinning, Jhorlo sat up. “Good. You’re dismissed. You may leave as well, Vale. Go clean up.”

Umbra turned on one foot and stormed out the door, her jaws and fists clenched. She heard Vale race to catch up behind her, but did not acknowledge his presence at first.

Once they were far enough down the hall that Umbra felt they wouldn’t be overheard, she addressed Vale. “You did a whole lot of good, just sitting in the back there.”

Vale paused. Then he lowered his head and kept walking, his voice dipping into a snarl. “What did you expect me to do? Stand up for you? Fat lot of good that would do. All I’d do is make Jhorlo think we’re plotting against him.”

“We might as well be.”

“But you don’t want him to know that. No, if you want a chance to get back at him and take care of your own problem, you’re going to have to bide your time. Play by his rules until the opportunity presents itself.”

How long was she going to have to wait? She’d already been chasing Nip for moons. When she agreed to leave the tribe to fix her mistake, she’d expected to be gone a moon at most. She hadn’t expected Nip to flee halfway across the land, and then hide behind the protection of the people he harmed like a coward. “I’m tired of waiting,” she growled back, walking at a steady pace. “If the opportunity isn’t going to present itself, then we’re going to have to create one.”

Vale paused before continuing to trot behind her. “Fair point. Listen. Tomorrow afternoon, we can discuss this somewhere more private. Does that sound reasonable?”

That was more like it. She stopped and turned around. “Deal. Do you have a place in mind?”

“Hm… Have you been to the tavern yet? They have some… private rooms where we could get a bite to eat and discuss over dinner. If you don’t mind running the risk of… rumors… well, the only place more private I can think of is going out into the forest. And that’s likely to raise just as many questions.”

“Rumors?”

“Nothing that’s likely to get in our way.” He hesitated. “Come on, don’t make me spell it out. Villagers might think we’re… doing things together.”

Oh. Gross. But not the worst thing that could happen. She crossed her arms. “Fine. I do not care what the villagers think of me. Once we’re done, I will be out of your fur.”

“Works for me. I suggest you get some sleep then. I’ll come get you for the usual routine tomorrow.”

With that, Vale stalked off down the hall, leaving Umbra alone to return to her room and plot.
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, picking up this series again now that I squared away that offsite series of Power Trip I had going on. Dunno what I'll be doing for a regular cadence while resuming my review series of this story, though there's an offsite review event going on, and for its duration, I'll be aiming for biweekly updates to speed the process of catching up along.

Anyhow, enough boilerplate. Let's kick things right off with…

Chapter 6

"If you have seen a sneasel around, then you will tell me where he is, if you know what's good for you!"
Toshi: "... Wait, but you said this once already." .-.
Haru: "Toshi. It's dramatic repetition. We're repeating the very last part of the prior chapter for the readers, but that doesn't mean we're experiencing it twice!" >_>;
Toshi: "... Ah, anyhow, uh... where were we with the crabby Mawile again?"

Haru glanced uneasily to the mawile on the far side of the clearing, then back to her companions. There was something about the mawile, about the way she carried herself, that screamed danger. Haru’s instincts told her to run. If there was a body of water nearby, perhaps she would have dived down to wait out the danger.

Still, it seemed like she was looking for Nip as well. And if that was the case…

Her nose twitched as she stepped forward, choosing her words carefully. "We're actually looking for a sneasel right now."

The mawile looked her over, seeming to size up the quartet. Then she turned away, speaking over her shoulder. "So, I suspect I am on the right path. That is all I needed to know.” She raised one paw back over her shoulder. “You should turn back now. It will be dangerous ahead. He is dangerous and is not to be taken lightly."
Toshi: "Uh. Haru, I think that we should consider taking the nice Mawile's advice." 😰
Haru: "Toshi! We're not just going to bail on the plot like this! Besides, who is she to swoop in and tell us what to do?" >_>;

Haru glanced back over to her three travel companions. Shimmer had climbed down from Muse’s back, and walked forward to stand beside Haru. “With all due respect, miss scary mawile, we kinda have our own reasons for looking for him. He’s in biiiig trouble with our village, see. Maybe we should team up?”

The mawile paused, the second jaw on the back of her head opening ever so slightly. She turned back to give Haru a dangerous look. "Is… that so? You've spoken with him, then?"

Haru took a single, unnerved step back. "I…"
Haru: "... On second thought, maybe skipping out on the plot isn't such a bad idea."
:fearfullaugh~2:

Toshi: "Oh, so now you come around to my side?" >_>;

"I take it that means you have been harboring him, then, and that is why I have not been able to find him." When none of the pokemon answered right away, she scoffed. "You best leave now; you're trying my patience. My business is with him, and I have no time for pokemon such as you that might get in the way of my goal."

“What’s her problem?” Shimmer mumbled, a pout forming on her face. “Is it just me or is she behaving kinda irrationally? I’m sensing some real anger in her.”
Well, it's not just Shimmer, but she probably shouldn't be saying that so loud. :V

“Let me handle this, Shimmer,” Muse said, stepping forward. Then she addressed the Mawile. "I'm afraid this is our business. Nip needs to be brought back to our town to have his misdeeds there addressed. He was staying there for a time, yes, but he's run off now."

The mawile narrowed her eyes and snapped her jaws threateningly. "I do not work with mon that would harbor a bottom feeder like him. This is my final warning. Turn back and allow me to deal with my kin's problems, or I will be forced to be rid of you too."
Muse: "Lady, I literally just said that he did misdeeds that we need to punish him over." >.<
Umbra: "Yeah, well you're getting in the way of me being able to drag him in over misdeeds he did to my tribe. Sounds like 'harboring' him to me!"
:typhNOsion:


Haru gulped nervously. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words died in her throat. This mawile was crazy! Was she really threatening them? It was instead Toshi that stepped forward. "Sorry, but we have a way of doing things around here, and we can't let you leave until we know what's going on. You’re kind of… acting weird. How do we know you’re not help him?" Shimmer and Muse glanced to him for a moment, then - getting the idea - rushed ahead to block the exit.
I'd say that that's less 'crazy' and more 'hardheaded' with diplomacy as a dump stat. Evidently it's not a huge priority up north.
:charhaha:


The mawile watched as the two moved into place with a flat expression, though that expression quickly soured when Shimmer and Muse stayed put. "I don’t have time for this. Out of my way.” Without warning, she dashed towards the Kirlia.

"Here she comes!" the absol cried out, pushing Shimmer out of the way. The kirlia stumbled and fell, and the mawile’s jaws closed on nothing but a tuft of fur.
Shimmer: "Wow, this 'mon really does have problems." >_>;
Muse: "Shimmer! Worry about the commentary after we subdue her!" >.<

Everyone scattered, making some space between themselves and their opponent. Missing her attack hardly phased the mawile. By the time she had landed, she was already spinning to face her opponents again.

Muse was the first to meet her, pouncing forward with dark purple energy forming a glowing aura around her horn. The two met in the center of the clearing, Muse swinging her head to the side to slice at the mawile as she ran by, the other blocking the brunt of the blow with her steely jaws.
>attacking a Steel/Fairy-type with a Dark attack

Oh yeah, this'll end well. ^^;

Muse: "Shut up, I had limited options and it was the one with STAB." >.<

As the mawile turned to pursue Muse, a small branch, glowing with psychic energy, was swung at her head. She stopped in her tracks and turned to glare at the kirlia that had tossed it at her. Deciding that she looked like a much easier target, she turned her attention to Shimmer instead. The top of her head seemed to glisten in the light as she charged.

Caught off guard, Shimmer shrieked and let out pulses of fairy-type energy in hopes of slowing the mawile down. "EEK! No! Bad mawile, stay back!"
Muse: "Shimmer, this is why you let your bodyguard do the fighting!" >.<
Shimmer: "You could've mentioned that earlier, Muse!" O_O;

"Shims!" Muse called out, running towards the kirlia. "Move! Teleport out of here!"

"I'm not leaving you guys behind!" she called back, but she did close her eyes to focus, warping across the field at the last possible second.

"Hold still!" The mawile called out in frustration, whirling around, only to be greeted by not one, but two bidoofs rolling - no barreling - towards her, quickly picking up speed. She only just barely sprang out of the way of one of them, the other one knocking her arm and shoulder. While the one that missed slowed to a stop to realign themselves, the other kept moving, picking up speed as they rolled in a wide arc in the field to turn back to her.
Umbra: "So not only do you harbor a villain, but you gang up on the 'mon who would bring him to justice, huh? Really making a positive first impression here." >:|
Haru: "Look, you're the one who attacked us first instead of giving us 30 seconds to explain ourselves!" >.<

This time, however, she was ready. She braced herself as the bidoof came speeding towards her yet again, waiting. The two made hard contact, knocking her back a few steps’ worth from the force of the blow alone. But she stood her ground. As Haru bounced back and landed, she dashed forward and raised a jaw full of razor-sharp fangs, managing to clamp down Haru's abdomen as she tried to recover.

The bidoof let out a pained squeal, panicking and struggling in her grip. "Ouch! Let go! Guys gett’er off me!"
Ouch.

Umbra: "Mind your distance the next time you run your mouth off like that!" >:|

"Sis!"

The mawile turned her head towards the voice. Toshi had recovered, now running at the mawile, his face contorted in concentration. As he drew closer, water began to form and spiral around his tail.

"Your fighting skills leave a lot to be desired," the mawile growled. With practiced motion, she swung her jaw in an arc, tossing Haru in the direction of her brother, using her as a living projectile to throw off Toshi's pursuit. The bidoof landed with a heavy thud, dazed for a moment as the world swirled around her.

iu


Haru: "I could've really done without the putdown about my fighting skills. I didn't need my pride to get hurt along with my body." >.<

Haru felt herself being pushed up as Toshi struggled out from underneath her. She groaned and shakily pushed herself up to her feet. She could feel the sticky sensation of blood on her back and could see an oozing row of punctures along her stomach. Fortunately, the wounds seemed shallow, not that it was much of a relief.

Toshi took a second to look her over. "Take a moment to pep yourself up. I'm getting back in there." He waited for her to huff out an agreement before turning back towards their opponent
... Actually wait a minute, what is Umbra doing right now anyways? You'd think she'd be distracted with something like fighting Muse or chasing Shimmer around such that Toshi can stop and make his "getting back in there" comment, but it's not really described.

She sat back on her haunches to reach into her bag, fumbling for an oran berry. Once she felt her paw brush up against the thick rind of one of the life-saving berries, she pulled it loose and popped the entire thing in her mouth, spitting out the nasty, bitter rind as she fell back onto all fours and took off after her brother. By the time she caught up, the bleeding had already stopped, though the wounds were nowhere near healed yet.
Ah yes, emergency healing with berries. I recognize this dynamic quite well. Though it's always made sense to me since I saw Knightfall do this split with healing berries in Verus way, way back in the day, since you'd think that metabolizing berries by eating them would take a bit longer than topical application to the site of a wound. Even if it's the game-canon way of doing it and probably the one you'd want to do in an active combat situation anyways.

The mawile danced out of the way of a headbutt from the younger bidoof, ignoring him in favor of charging towards Muse with fists raised. The absol steeled herself for the blow, magenta energy surrounding her horn. A pink energy surrounded the mawile’s claws as she drew closer; the force of Shimmer's confusion attack did little, but did slow the mawile enough to soften her opening blow.

At the last second, the mawile leapt into the air, coming crashing down with her arms stretched out onto Muse, sending the two of them tumbling to the ground. The absol slashed and kicked at the smaller pokemon, trying to knock her away as she grappled with Muse's thick mane, her second jaw snapping and trying to find a purchase. Most of Muse's strikes did little more than swipe uselessly through the thick fur around her legs or leave small nicks in the mawile's steely jaw.
Oh yeah, that' fight's certainly going swimmingly right about now. ^^;

"Shim-" the absol cried out, only to cut off with a yelp when the mawile managed to land a punch to the jaw.

"I'm trying!" Shimmer called back in a panic, one hand stretched out toward the struggling pair, and the other clutching her head as she tried to grab hold of the mawile again with psychic energy. "You're moving around too much, I can't get a good grip!"

"Don't worry!" Toshi yelled as he ran past the kirlia. "I'll help out!"

He stopped barely managing to avoid being flattened when the two rolled, exposing the mawile to his side. He raised up on his hind quarters, throwing his weight into the mawile in hopes of pulling her down, trying to bite down on her shoulder. She let out an angry screech, jabbing him in the stomach with her elbow. Still, he refused to be pushed away, managing to bite down on one of her ears.
... Wait a minute, Mawile have ears-?

Spr_b_4d_303.png


Oh right, those things. Somehow I never thought of Mawile as having lop ears, but it would make sense.

As soon as his back legs hit the ground, he pulled with all his might, pulling the mawile down with him. She let out an angry screech, flailing in the fallen leaves as she tried to right herself. Still, Toshi did not let go, even when she did manage to get on her feet, a determined expression on his face. The mawile breathed heavily, chest heaving as she stared the bidoof down with clenched fists.

Haru let out a triumphant cry as she rushed over to meet and help her brother, Muse carefully climbing back to her feet behind her.
Toshi: "Uh. Haru. You might want to turn around right about now-" o_o;

With a pained grunt, the mawile suddenly yanked her head, pulling Toshi loose from his braced stance, He was tossed into the air when he didn’t let go to of the ear, clinging as long as he could even as it began to tear. As he flew through the air above her, she sprang up and whipped her head to the side, using her jaws like a club to knock him out of the air, slamming him into the ground. A storm of leaves blew up from the ground around where he landed just from the sheer force of the attack.

😬

That... sounds painful. Though I suppose that messing with beavers has consequences, since... yeah. They bite hard. Literally.

But the mawile wasn’t finished. She landed and barely dodged out of the way of a slash from Muse, the absol's horn brushing up against fur as she stumbled backwards. Muse kept up the attack, advancing on her as she tried to spring further and further away, until she spun and clubbed her with her jaws too, sending her sprawling.

With Muse dazed, the mawile took the opportunity to dash towards the still recovering Toshi, the bidoof struggling to get back to his feet after the brutal blow. She snapped the defenseless pokemon up in her jaws in one fluid movement. Fangs dug into Toshi’s exposed belly. He let out a shrill, pained squeal, freezing everyone in place with horrified expressions.
Hm. Maybe it's just me, but something about the description of Umbra biting down on Toshi here feels like it's missing something in terms of visceral description that would take everyone aback enough to freeze them. Especially in light of one of Umbra's ears staring to tear (and presumably bleed from it) in the paragraph right before this.

Like maybe something like starting to see blood noticeably dribble out from Toshi around where the fangs are biting into him, or some more explicit sign that he's in visible agony would do it. Could be overthinking it, though.

"Nobody move!" the mawile shouted as she clenched her jaw. Toshi cried out as the fangs dug deeper, blood seeping around the punctures. Once she was quite certain that she had the attention of the others, her grip loosened slightly, just enough to relieve the pressure while preventing escape.
Oh, there's the blood that freaked everyone out. Though that's hardly a merciful gesture on Umbra's part, since taking those fangs out means removing the plugs that are keeping those wounds from filling up with lost blood.
:fearfullaugh~2:


"I would not normally resort to such cheap tactics," the mawile began, punctuated by huffed breaths, her face scrunched in anger as blood dripped down her wounded ear, "but I refuse to let you waste my time any longer. Any sudden movements and I'll snap him right in half!" To punctuate her words, she squeezed the unfortunate bidoof in her jaws again. He squealed and went limp in a desperate attempt to lessen the damage.
Haru: "... How are you supposed to snap a 'mon in half that's literally almost as thick as you?"
:sceptical:

Toshi: "Haru, don't give her ideas!" O_O;

Haru glanced nervously to Muse and Shimmer as the mawile began to back away towards the nearest path out of the clearing, the other two just as frozen as she was.

Or so it seemed.

Although Muse was just as still as she appeared, Haru could see the look of concentration on Shimmer's face. Stealing a cautious glance back to Muse, she could see the absol's bag jostling ever so slightly. She turned her gaze back to the retreating mawile, not wanting to draw attention to whatever the kirlia was doing.
Umbra: "What are those two doing anyways?" >:|
Haru: "Nothing! Nothing at all! Just... focus on me for a minute here!"
:fearfullaugh~2:


The mawile - and her bidoof hostage - were almost halfway across the clearing by the time Shimmer spoke up, her voice surprisingly clear and level, considering the situation.

"Hey, hold on just a moment!" she called out. "Where do you think you're going with my Toshi-kins?"
Haru: "Oh stars, did you really have to say it like that, Shimmer?" >_>;
Shimmer: "Yes."

For a moment the mawile kept walking, ignoring her, but she seemed to think of something and paused. "I have no interest in harming him further, so long as you three do not get in the way of my goal. Once I am certain you're not following me, I will let him go, so that he might find his own way home."
All: "..."
:sceptical:

Umbra: "Look, after what you did to my ear, it's more of a deal than any of you deserve."
:absus:


Haru glanced back to the kirlia for a moment, watching the psychic type flinch. Or at least, it appeared to be a flinch, but Haru had seen that expression enough times to know better. A psychic pokemon teleporting themselves was easy enough; teleporting other pokemon or items was a whole different problem. The kirlia closed her eyes, sucking in a deep breath. "Well… I suppose I can't let my dear Toshi get hurt, can I?" A pause, a beat of silence followed. Haru did her best to ignore the floating orb. Wait, was that an—

Then Shimmer squeezed her eyes tight, clenched her hands into fists and used her psychic abilities to slam the orb down directly on the mawile's head. The glassy ball shattered at the impact, swirls of bright blue mist bursting forth and spreading out through the clearing in tendrils. Some of the tendrils only made it as far as the mawile and Toshi. Glowing, psychic energy quickly began to spread over the pokemon from where the mist made contact.
Haru: "Huh. Wow, that was actually pretty clever there, Shimmer-"

The mawile growled, swatting at the mist only for the energy to spread even quicker. Once she was fully enveloped there was a bright flash of light, and then she was gone. Toshi fell to the ground with a pained whimper, only to disappear a few heartbeats later.

"Oh no, that's not the totter orb!" Shimmer exclaimed. "Good going, Shimmer. Everyone get ready, looks like we're making an emergency exit."
Haru: "... I take it all back. Please tell me those things don't dump everyone in the same location in this setting..." >.<

Muse turned to spring towards Shimmer, allowing the kirlia to grab hold of her as they were hit by the nearest tendril of psychic mist.

"Toshi, hang tight!" Haru called out as she dashed towards the nearest tendril, tensing as psychic energy washed over her body. Then they, too, were gone in a flash of light.

Haru had been through the sensation of teleportation a few times in her life, mostly through psychic-type children messing around in their youth. She could recall a time when a younger Shimmer had tried to teleport her away so that she could talk to Toshi alone. She’d only succeeded in accidently dropping her into the nearby river.

An escape orb behaved like an emergency teleport, creating an escape route when the orb shattered. It felt like she was falling from a high place, only to pull up at the last second. Suddenly, she was sprawled out on the ground near where they entered the dungeon, the last undistorted place they’d been.
Definitely less instantaneous in effect than I normally write those things, but hey, can't argue with those neat VFX there. And looks like the orb did effectively separate them from Umbra after all.

“I’m never going to get used to that,” she groaned.

It took her a moment to reorient herself as her vision returned, along with the familiar smell of tree sap and wildflowers. A few feet away Shimmer and Muse were recovering - or rather, Muse was recovering while Shimmer looked her over for injury. Figures, Shimmer would have been used to teleporting, after all.

But she had bigger problems. Toshi? Where was he? The bidoof raised her nose up into the air, sniffing, tensing at the smell of fresh blood. She turned her head towards the scent and caught sight of her brother lying several bodylengths away, halfway beneath a bush.
Haru: "... Right. Toshi just went through like half a scene getting mauled by that Mawile's head jaws. Of course he wouldn't be doing well right now."
:uhhh:


"Toshi!" she cried out, rushing towards the injured pokemon, only to stop short when she caught sight of cream fur just a few steps away. The mawile groaned as she climbed to her feet. Haru quickly moved to put herself between the hostile pokemon and her younger brother. A quick glance told her he was conscious, though in bad shape. Several deep punctures oozed blood that matted up his fur. He let out a high-pitched whine as Haru stepped into his vision.
... Oh right, they didn't get separated from Umbra after this sequence. I completely forgot about that.

Haru: "... Why is she here right now?! These things are supposed to take Pokémon to the last undistorted place they were in!" >.<
Umbra: "Well, obviously we passed through the same undistorted location last. Is this really that hard for you to understand?"
:typhNOsion:


"Haru… my leg hurts real bad." His voice came out a hoarse whisper.

The mawile caught sight of her a moment later. "You! What have you done?" she spat, clenching her hands into fists. She widened her stance in an attempt to appear larger and more intimidating. "We're outside the dungeon now. I've lost nearly half a day's search thanks to you! Any chance of finding a trail will be gone now!"
Muse: "Lady, you're really not doing wonders for your audience sympathy right about now."
Umbra: "Perhaps that's a sign that we need a better audience."

Haru heard Muse and Shimmer run up behind her, taking defensive positions on either side. "Well that's just fine because you aren't going anywhere," the kirlia said in a sickeningly sweet tone. "Not after what you did to Toshi. You attacked first, after all."

And yet… were they really in any position to make demands of the mawile? Muse looked exhausted and worse for the wear, with clumps of fur missing here and there, and shallow cuts and scratches along her flank. Shimmer was physically unscathed, but Haru imagined she was likely mentally taxed after using so much psychic energy in such a short period of time. And she wasn’t looking good, either.
... If you have to ask the question...

She gulped as she realized that if they got in another fight with the mawile, they would not win.
Yeah, that's usually the answer in such circumstances. ^^;

The mawile scoffed and turned her head. "Why should I waste any more time with you? You are obviously no match for me, and the dungeon would finish you off, should you attempt to pursue."

Haru caught sight of a grin on Shimmer's face as soon as the mawile turned away. The kirlia had something planned, that much she was certain of. "If you had just agreed to talk things out and explain why you're trailing Nip, this all could have been avoided," she pointed out, her voice wavering and exhausted.
Haru: "... Let's just hope those plans turn out better than that 'Totter Orb' she was trying to use." >_>;
Shimmer: "Oi! The Escape Orb still worked out well for us!" >:|

The mawile turned her head back for a moment, then turned away entirely, fangs snapping dangerously before she began to walk. She stopped a few paces away, however, to speak. "Because I am only concerned about what he did to my kin, not yours.”

"But if we've both have reasons to track him down," Haru argued, "we could have worked together."
Haru: "I mean, I don't exactly want to work with you now after what you did to my brother, but..." >_>;
Umbra: "Hrmph, if you're waiting on an apology of some sort, don't hold your breath." >:|

"I do not need pokemon like you slowing me down."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Toshi said, shakily trying to climb to his feet behind the girls, glaring daggers.

"You are weak," the mawile replied bluntly. "And you have no knowledge of the situation at hand."
I mean, yes, she's being unreasonable and just seriously injured one of them in a completely avoidable fight, but Umbra isn't exactly wrong there...

"You don't have knowledge of our situation though," Muse pointed out, raising a paw. "We have our own reasons for tracking down that sneasel."

[ ]

"Perhaps I did not make myself clear? I do not care about your reasons. I will be going now; I have wasted enough time."

"You'll be doing do no such thing!"
IMO this segment would probably work a bit better if you threw in some body language from Umbra, such as her getting annoyed and already turning back for the MD or something like that. Also would break up the relatively large block of dialogue with sparse description between if that was done.

The whole lot turned their heads to look to the side, Shimmer punctuating the motion with an, "it's about time."

Three pokemon appeared amongst the trees, rushing ahead to help surround the mawlie. Anu dashed ahead at unnatural speeds, cutting off her path. A fiery rapidash followed close behind with an espurr clinging to her back.

The mawile turned to look to the arriving pokemon with narrowed eyes, before whipping her head back to glare dangerously at Shimmer. "You… you called for them?"
Shimmer: "Did you really think I was just going to sit there and let you run your mouth off after what you did to my Toshi-kins?"
:gardexhausted:

Muse: "Also, you're not exactly going to win picking a fight right here and now, in case if you didn't get a good look at the arriving cavalry."
:absus:


With help having arrived, Shimmer relaxed, no longer at attention, and leaned against Muse, draping her arms over the absol's side. "That's right! We couldn't let you just go after attacking us without explanation. You'll be coming back with us to the village now. Oh, by the way, there's a leaf stuck to your shoulder."

Shifting her gaze slightly, the mawile made note of the leaf Shimmer mentioned and shook it off, then turned her attention back to the new arrivals to size them up. "You are wasting my time," she growled. "The longer I have to spend dealing with you, the more likely it is that he will get away." Still, she made no motion to attack.
Yeah, I kinda figured a 1 v 7 would be a losing proposition, even for an accomplished fighter like Umbra. ^^;

Anu turned his attention first to Shimmer, raising a paw up to his chest, and took a deep breath to steady his speach. "Blessings from 'Gigas that you are safe, my lady. Essra filled us in on the details you sent her along the way. Th-thank you for calling for us."

He then turned his attention to the aggressing mawile. "A-As for you… You don't have to worry about the sneasel — that is who you're looking for, I assume — getting away. We are watching every known exit of Sunglow Thicket. No one will be leaving without us noticing. But I'm afraid… I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to come with us back to Theran Village. We can't let your aggressive attack just go. Do not worry, you'll have a chance to explain yourself. If all is well, we will probably let you leave town afterwards, after passing judgement."
Umbra: "... And why should I not just ignore all of this and run into the Mystery Dungeon right now?" >:|

The mawile turned on him with a snarl, flexing her fingers and raising her steel jaws threateningly. But still she only held her ground. A tense, silent moment passed, then she finally relaxed, if only slightly. "Fine. I will go with you for now, only because it would do me no good to waste my energy fighting. Maybe then I can convince you why it is so important for me to be out here hunting for Nip. Make it quick."
Umbra: "... Also, I'd like some gauze for my ear since I'm pretty sure it's still bleeding right now. But apply it efficiently since I don't have time for this!" >_>;

The lucario flinched at Nips name, then paused to brush a paw against his aura sensors to calm himself. "Very well." He turned his attention to the espurr. "Ah… Essra, will you help Shimmer get Toshi situated on Muse's back? Then Muse, would you please take him to Lecha for treatment?"

"Of course," Muse replied, bowing her head.

"Mmm, you got it, Boss," the espurr said, waving a paw before shimmying down off of the rapidash's back. She landed on the ground hard, holding out her arms to steady herself.
I'm kinda wondering if Haru et al should've got in more of a reaction / internal commentary during all of this, since it kinda feels like they just faded to the background in this whole exchange while they'd have decently good reason to be annoyed/confused by what just went down given that after all this grief, Umbra just gives in and goes along with the town.

Satisfied, Anu turned his attention to Haru. "What about you? Your wounds do not seem as deep, but if needed I'm certain Romi would give you a ride back."

Haru winced, standing up on her hind legs to get a better look at the bite marks on her stomach. Now that the rush of battle was starting to wear off, she found herself a bit weak in the legs, pain starting to take its toll. Still, her stubborn pride got in the way.

"I'm… I'm fine," she decided, lowering herself back to the ground. "Yes, I can walk."

:sceptical:


That's... a really low bar to cross for being alright, Haru. But I suppose pride be like that.

Haru: "Also, there's the matter of Toshi, who I'm pretty sure needs urgent medical attention right now." ._.

Anu let out a quiet hum, raising a paw to his chin and tilting his head slightly. "Very well. Let me know if you change your mind."

"I am going to go ahead with Toshi," Muse announced, turning her head to check up on the injured bidoof. “I’ll let the others know what happened.”

The lucario dipped his head. "Run swift as Dialga's Messenger."

Muse looked away, a slight, sheepish grin on her face. "Thank you for your blessing, Anu." Then she took off at a jog down the trail.
Just casually dropping Celebi foreshadowing in this early on in the story, huh?

Anu turned his attention to the remaining pokemon. Both Essra and Shimmer had seated themselves on the back of the rapidash, who took up the rear. Anu led the way, with the mawile just a bit behind him. Haru fell in line just a bit behind her, not wanting to be anywhere near those jaws, but also wanting to be able to keep an eye on her.

"Is it really alright to pull this many pokemon from watching the exits?" Haru could not help but ask.

"Romi and I came from separate groups, so that there's still pokemon there to watch," Anu replied, holding up a paw in the air. "I'll be sending her and Essra back after we get to town though."

Haru hummed in response and said nothing more, instead dedicating her energy to keeping pace with the longer-legged pokemon as they made their way back to the village.
- Meanwhile, Haru limps along with the group -
Haru: "Ow. Ow. Ow. I really should've thought of a way to get Romi to give me that ride while still being able to keep my sense of pride." >_>;

"Alright dear, you're free to go, but I want you to relax and do nothing strenuous for the rest of today. And tomorrow, if you can help it. Understand?"

Haru bowed her head slightly in response to the aromatisse, holding in a frustrated sigh. "I understand Lecha, thank you."
Haru: "Whelp, so much for making a name for myself." -_-;

By the time Haru returned to town, Lecha was nearly done treating Toshi, his fur damp from being washed of blood, the wounds treated with berry pulp and bandaged, and his back-left leg carefully held in place with a splint. He drifted in and out of sleep while Lecha worked on Haru, planning to stay the night to keep his wounds tended to. Haru silently thanked the fact that Lecha had sent Twi home, making her treatment quiet and far less stressful.

Once Lecha was finished with her, Haru left a few coins in front of the straw bed she'd been treated in, said her goodbyes to Toshi and her thanks to Lecha, and lumbered out of the clinic. She made her way towards the center of the town square, where most of the villagers had gathered.
I actually didn't pick up on that from earlier chapters for whatever reason. Though is that expected payment for services rendered, or the equivalent of a tip?

It seemed that she had arrived at just the right time, as Jhorlo was just beginning to speak as she pushed her way towards the front. He and his two purrloin guards stood in the center of the crowd, the mawile standing a few feet away. Shimmer, Muse, Anu and Whisper all stood in the center as well, though off to the side. Muse and the purrloin stood at attention, while the others were relaxed.

"So, mawile," Jhorlo began, speaking loud enough for the audience to hear. "You attacked a group of pokemon from this village in Sunglow Thicket, or so I heard. Care to explain yourself?"
- Umbra points at Haru et al -
Umbra: "Yes. They started it."
Haru: "Excuse me? We started it?!" >.<

"It is simple, really," the mawile responded, turning her head to address Jhorlo directly, though with enough volume to also address the crowd. "I was hunting for a sneasel, and they got in my way."
Lol, I completely forgot that Umbra's explanation was somehow worse than 'they started it' canonically.
:loltias:


The purugly let out a puff of air, turning his back on the mawile for a moment. "My daughter tells me that you refused to explain the situation, and that they felt they could not allow you to continue without at least that much. So why not explain now? Start with your name, if you please."

She brought a hand up and over one eye, a frustrated sneer working its way onto her face. "You are wasting your time as much as you are wasting my own and giving that piece of dung a chance to escape!" When no one moved, her face scrunched up in anger for a moment, before she forced herself to relax. She brushed her fingers along her damaged earlobe before dropping her hand back to her side.
I kinda wonder if it'd have made sense to elaborate on Jhorlo's reaction a bit more, since presumably he has some thoughts of Umbra attempting to just summarily blow him off and move on her merry way there, even if it's something small like shooting an annoyed frown or something like that.

"Fine. My name is Umbra. It is my understanding that your… 'village' had trouble with Nip. I do not know how many lies he may have weaved, but he and I come from the same tribe. I was sent after him to bring judgement upon him for crimes against our kin."

The crowd around Haru broke into hushed whispers.

"Crimes?"

"What could one sneasel have done?"

"Don't underestimate him, look what he did to us!"
Uh... yeah, we find out the answer to that in like 3 chapters, IIRC. And boy is it quite something.
:fearfullaugh~2:


"Quiet, quiet all of you, please!" Jhorlo raised his voice. When even that could not settle the crowd, he yowled even louder, loud enough that some pokemon covered their sensitive ears. Only then did the chatter die down. He turned his attention back to Umbra. "Please, continue."

The mawile raised her hands in front of her, closing her eyes. "That is all there is to it, really."

"If you'll excuse me speaking out of line, I think we have a right to know what crime he caused," Jaques, one of Jhorlo's purrloin guards, said. "There is a big difference between petty theft or juvenile delinquency and, say, murder or stealing an egg from the nursery."

Umbra opened one eye, peeking at the purrloin. "Your tone suggests to me that something of that sort happened here. Am I correct?"

"Indeed, you are," Jhorlo said. He sat down and raised one paw. "This sneasel was found injured in the forest a few days ago. We nursed him back to health, you see."

[ ]

"Last night he broke into the nursery and stole one of the eggs before taking off and fleeing into Sunglow Thicket," he insisted. "We have several pokemon guarding every known exit path of the dungeon, to catch him when he attempts to leave."
Part of me feels like this current block here is kinda light on description, though I'm admittedly tripping up on where is the most logical place to slot it in. It might be worth considering it around the middle of Jhorlo's current dialogue since it feels a bit long and idea-dense enough to consider a split and some sort of intervening description to divide them.

"Including the entrance?"

The purugly sat his paw back down. "Well…"

Haru held back a snide remark, silently thinking back on how she’d asked something similar, only to be shot down.
... Jhorlo's a really quality mayor there. Who on earth was his last political opponent for him to get elected like this? :V

"I see. Very well, considering the situation, I believe it fair to tell you what happened in our tribe. You see…" She paused, lowering her head slightly. "Almost two moons ago now, Nip left the tribe in a fit of anger. That in of itself is not a crime, even if it would have been frowned upon. However… before he left, he… he attacked our nursery, destroying several eggs in the process."
... Oh right. Some of Nip's past antics come out in this chapter. Forgot about that.

Alarmed voices broke out in the crowd.

"He did what?!"

"How could he do that?"

"Only a monster would attack defenseless eggs."

"How could we have ever let him into our village?"
I wonder if it'd have made sense to show Haru et al reacting to all of this as well, since they'd have reason to get really worried about the fate of Anu +Whisper's egg right about now.

Umbra: "And to answer the question, you're all too trusting and have no sense of self preservation. Just look at the almost complete absence of tree cover in your tribal ground!"
Jhorlo: "Thank you for you commentary there, we're moving along now." >_>;

"I do not pretend to know his exact reasons," Umbra said, raising her voice over the ruckus. "We were fortunate that our nursery was well-fortified, or else we would have lost even more. However, none of that matters in the end. What matters is that he did it, and that my attempt to catch him in the dungeon was foiled." She shot a pointed glare in the direction of Shimmer and Muse.

"Hey now!" Haru called out, ignoring the stares she drew to herself with the outburst. "That was a fight that could have been avoided if you had just explained things in the first place. For all we knew, you were there to help him escape!"

Umbra visibly recoiled at the accusation. "You really think I would conspire with that… that… monster? What do you take me for?"
Haru: "Someone with really, really poor decision-making skills that I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw?"
:sceptical:

Umbra: "You do realize that you just described Nip to a 't', right?"
Haru: "Well, yeah. Why do you think I'm suggesting you conspired with him?"

"How are we supposed to know that? You wouldn't tell us anything!"

"I have told you now. And now that I have explained the situation, I need to be on my way before he sneaks his way out of the dungeon."

Jhorlo looked the mawile over for a moment. "Very well. I think we are mostly in agreement.” He paused, looking to several faces within the crowd. “You may leave on the stipulations that you do not attack any of our village pokemon again, and that once your business is finished you leave this area and do not return. I do believe that is fair, I think.” A few murmurs passed, but no one contested him.
Toshi: "... Haru, shouldn't we be protesting this more right now?"
Haru: "Aren't you canonically on bedrest at the moment? And do you really want that 'Umbra' 'mon to hang around the village with us from some alternative punishment?" >_>;
Toshi: "Okay, fair counterpoint."

"Very well, I believe I can abide by those rules." She turned and made a motion to leave, but Muse stepped in front of her, bowing her head slightly.

"With all due respect, Miss Umbra, may I offer a suggestion?" the absol asked.

The mawile narrowed her eyes. "Make it quick."

"If you would give us just a night's time to prepare, I am sure the pokemon of our village would be more than happy to help track down Nip. We have reasons to bring him to justice, too. And while we're preparing, we have the town guard, as well as other volunteer pokemon watching all the ways out of the dungeon."

“Except the entrance, apparently.”
Umbra's never gonna let that go, is she?
:lolcat:


“I can fix that,” Jhorlo announced. “I’ll have word sent to the guarding pokemon to spread out.”

Umbra blinked once. "Why should I agree to this?"

"There is power in numbers. And besides that, the dungeon is constantly shifting," the Absol insisted. "By sending in multiple teams, we could check multiple zones at once and have a better chance of flushing him out, if nothing else. Sunglow Thicket is not a deep dungeon either, so there's no concern of stretching our numbers too thin."
Kinda wonder if there should've been some description dropped in right before Jhorlo's line to show his reaction or something. Also, you should probably make it explicit that that's Muse talking about combing Sunglow Thicket, since for a second I got tripped up and thought that was Jhorlo speaking there.

Muse paused for a moment, turning her head towards Jhorlo. "Apologies for speaking out of line, sir. But I wanted to get the idea out in the open for everyone to consider while I had a chance."
Same deal here, since "she" is ambiguous as a pronoun between speakers.

"Oh no, you are quite fine, Muse," the purugly said. "I think it's a splendid idea. However, we should really be asking dear Anu and Whisper, since they're the ones leading this operation, you know."

Anu stepped forward. "I am… hesitant. To send so many pokemon into a dungeon at once… However, it is likely our best bet."

Whisper spoke up next, raising a wing up as she addressed the crowd. "I don’t like waiting… but you make a fair point. By the time we would be ready to mobilize, it would already be dark. Tomorrow, we can split up everyone into teams of three or four. I'll have three sets of two monitoring the exits. Other than that… the number of teams will depend on how many are willing to go."
And thus the fate of Whisper's egg was sealed.

The hawlucha paused, bringing one set of claws up to her beak. "That said… based on what we know of the dungeon’s patterns, if he has not left by morning, he would have to be hiding out in the dungeon's stable zone. I still think it would be best if we stagger each teams entrance by a short period of time, and have each team do a quick sweep of every zone before moving on."

[ ]

"That will be all," Whisper said. "Anyone who is interested in volunteering should see me as soon as this meeting is over."

The purugly let out a contented purr. "Very good. That will be all, I believe. You are all dismissed. Spread the word to anyone who may have missed the meeting. And Umbra, I would like a word, if you will?"

Might make sense to drop in some brief paragraph showing a reaction to Whisper's idea from someone. Since it'd also act as a more natural transition to that ending line of hers there.

Umbra: "And why am I agreeing to this when I could be hunting Nip right now?"
:absus:

Jhorlo: "Just come along. I don't bite. Often, anyways."

The crowd began to disburse in small groups, most of them making their way over to Whisper. Haru began to turn and make her way back towards Lecha's to check on her brother again but stopped when she felt a paw brush lightly against her back. Muse stood just behind her, her expression unreadable, with Shimmer at her side.

"Haru, I'd like to speak to you for a minute," Muse began, raising a paw before walking a few paces away, waiting for Haru and Shimmer to follow.

The bidoof let out a sigh and followed. Whatever Muse wanted to talk about, she doubted she was going to like it.
I mean, at least it probably won't be about Shimmer considering current events?
:joltyshrug~1:


Their walk continued a little way further, until they were a good distance away from the crowd, coming to a stop under a shady tree. Muse laid down in the shade, gesturing for Haru to do the same. Shimmer took a seat next to Muse, leaning against her side.

"Alright," Haru began, "what do you want now?"

"I think Muse has some sort of plan in mind, don't you Musey, my friend?"

"Indeed," the absol said with a bow of her head. "I brought up the idea of groups going in to look for Nip because… and please don't get mad about this… because I think we need to go back ourselves."
Haru: "... I'm sorry, Muse. Why am I supposed to think this is a good idea again?" >_>;
Muse: "Well for one, there's no weird Mawile from the north to chew us up if we go out to search this time?"

Haru was up on her feet in an instant. "Are you crazy? Look what happened when we tried to do that today! I got hurt. Toshi got seriously injured. It'll take days for him to recover at best! You got hurt and you haven't even gone to get treatment! Obviously, none of us were up to handling a mystery dungeon. We should just leave it up to the pokemon that know what they're doing. Besides, they've got Umbra to help them. I'm sure she can take care of Nip without us."

[ ]

"Don't you find her story a bit… suspicious?" Muse asked.

[ ]

"I mean…" Haru trailed off, glancing back in the direction they'd come from. "I found it odd that she only told the story now, under scrutiny, if that's what you're talking about. But otherwise it all checks out. Her story even goes along with his actions here."
I feel like that for a pondering-heavy snippet of dialogue here, it might make sense to slow down and show off stuff like body language and internal thought process here.

The first set of brackets in particular feels like a logical place to show off Muse being very
:absus:
of what's going on, while the second feels like a good spot to have Haru internally go "... Wait a minute..." at the point that Muse raised.

Muse opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated, turning instead to look to Shimmer for support.

" I'm with Muse here, Haru," the kirlia said, flipping her hair. "It's just too… odd to me. I'd like for us to go back and try and get Nip's side of the story, at least."

Haru was baffled "Why do you care so much about his side of the story?" she huffed. "For gods sakes, he stole an egg from us, Shimmer. He's probably killed Whisper and Anu's child by now. Think about it, use your head!"
Shimmer: "Need I remind you that we literally only have a version of events to go off of that was given by a 'mon that hospitalized Toshi-kins?"
:gardexhausted:

Haru: "... Look, just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right." >_>;

Muse closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "We don't know that for sure. Yet. Admittedly, it probably is too late for the egg by now. But… we can always hold out hope."

youre_serious_futurama.gif


Haru turned her head to stare Muse dead in the eye. "And why are you taking Shimmer's side all of a sudden? This morning, you were suggesting it was a bad idea. You're supposed to be Shimmer's voice of reason! Besides, the main reason I even went along was because I wanted to keep an eye on Toshi. And look how that turned out!"

"The encounter with Umbra was unfortunate, but not the norm," Muse pointed out, keeping her voice even. "Consider the fight with the fletchinder beforehand. She was in a whole different league than the normal pokemon that live in Sunglow Thicket. I think that with Umbra's appearance, the situation has changed. Besides..." She trailed off, dropping her gaze.

Shimmer gave Muse a scrutinizing look before beginning to run her fingers through the absol's thick mane. "You had a premonition, didn't you?"
Wait, how accurate are those among Absol in this setting anyways? Since Shimmer sure seems to be putting quite a bit of stock into Muse's vision there.

"I… Yeah. Before the fight with Umbra. It's the first one I've had since… since before my parents died." Muse visibly sagged.
... Ouch.
The change in tone was just enough to make Haru's anger dissipate. "A… premonition? Now?" She hesitated, thinking back to the way Muse had been at attention while everyone else was relaxed when Umbra spoke. She had thought it was just her usual protectiveness of Shimmer, but perhaps there was a different explanation "Is that why you seemed so… on edge?"

"It wasn't much," Muse admitted. "I don't really know what it means. I don't know why Umbra put me on edge, and yet Nip did not, despite him being the one to wrong us. Perhaps I just was not paying close enough attention. If I had, maybe… maybe I could have prevented something. I want to see if I can get Nip to tell us more before the whole of the village catches him."
... Actually, wait, what was Muse's premonition anyways? Since she doesn't really explain it here. Or are Absol premonitions in PWCH "gut feelings" without any firm things that they can see from it?

She turned her head to look at Shimmer, then back to Haru. "Tomorrow morning… I'm going back to Sunglow Thicket, whether you two come or not. I must apologize in advance, Shimmer, if this means abandoning my post."

"Oh Musey, you know I'd never let you go alone!" Shimmer punctuated her statement with a giggle and brushed up to nuzzle the absol's cheek. Muse pulled away just slightly, caught off-guard by the sudden contact, before relaxing.

[ ]

“Why not just tell everyone? I’m sure they’d understand where you’re coming from,” Haru pointed out. “Or at least tell Jhorlo, or Anu and Whisper! They’re the ones that have a stake in this. The ones that should be handling the situation. Not us. Muse, we’re barely adults!”

Muse dropped her gaze. “I didn’t think they’d listen.”
Probably makes sense to more explicitly mention Haru's reaction and body language before she cuts in with her retort there.

Also, Muse isn't wrong there. As we find out fairly shortly in-story.

Seeing the absols lack of confidence, Haru visibly deflated and finally gave the idea some thought. If it had just been a matter of catching Nip for glory's sake, or to show him mercy, she would have no problem just leaving the two to it. But this was different. Superstitious or not, she couldn’t risk not acting when Muse sensed disaster. "Fine, I'll help you. But only for the sake of the village.”

Muse let out a relieved breath. "Oh, thanks so much Haru, I really appreciate it. I-"

Shimmer pat her hand against Muse's cheek, making a shushing noise. "It's time to be quiet, guys. Someone's coming."

Haru turned to look behind her. The coast seemed clear at first, but then a group of pokemon rounded the corner. Jhorlo led the group, followed close behind by his purrloin guards. Just behind them was Umbra, her expression unreadable.
Haru: "... Muse, I thought you said you had a premonition about Umbra." ._.
Muse: "I did."
- Haru watches Jhorlo and Umbra pass -
Haru: "... Well that ain't good, then."

"Ah, Shimmer, my dear daughter," the purugly began, bringing a paw up to rub behind his ear. "I'm so glad I found you. I've been talking with Umbra and wanted to let you know that I've offered her a guest room. She'll be staying with us until our resident egg thief is brought to justice. I wanted you and Muse to take her over, if you would."

Shimmer shot a side-eyed glance over to Muse, but quickly shifted to a smile. If she was upset, she did not show it. "Oh, that sounds great, Dad!"
Muse:
8b4.gif


She stood up, stretched, and gestured for Muse to do the same. "Sorry, Haru, we gotta go. I'll be sure to come see you and Toshi-kins in a bit, okay?"

"Great…" the bidoof grumbled, before pepping up just a bit. "I should go check on him, speaking of, and fill him in on what happened at the meeting. Have a good evening, everyone."

The purugly rumbled in amusement. "Tell your brother I wish him well, would you?"

"Of. Of course." Before her mood could give away their plans, Haru turned and began to lumber off at a leisurely pace. Toshi… oh. He wouldn't be healthy enough to go along, leaving her with just Shimmer and Muse as traveling companions.

“Gods, Haru, what have you gotten yourself into this time?”
Oh, you have no idea, Haru.
:fearfullaugh~2:

Alright, time for the postmortem:

I think it was a decent transition chapter, though a bit of a fake-out since it basically yeets Haru and company back to Theran Village with nothing to show for it. It's hard for me to be too critical about it though, since this is the vehicle both by which everyone finds out that Nip has a really dodgy past as well as to allow the story to set the stage for Jhorlo and Umbra getting up to incredibly shady dealings about the workings of Theran Village as a ongoing plot thread over the next few chapters.

As for bones that I'd have to pick... I dunno why, but this chapter in particular seemed to have a decent number of moments where things felt like they were undercut or else hard to visualize from a lack of description or character reactions. Though I don't think that any of the moments that I identified would be particularly hard to tighten up, since it's almost all additive editing.

All-in-all, I had fun with this chapter, @windskull . It was a nice experience to brush up on PWCH and revisit things where I'd gotten a bit rusty or else not noticed on my first readthrough. And I'm definitely looking forward to crossing paths with more chapters of this story in the near future.
 
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love

Memento mori
Pronouns
he/him/it
Partners
  1. leafeon
Review for chapter 18:

MUSE CHAPTER BABYYYYY I am glad to finally get a glimpse into what she's thinking. She is polite and nonconfrontational—doesn't want to tell Shimmer about her crush or worry her about the vision, doesn't want to ask Umbra why things smell like blood, doesn't want to pry too much into Jhorlo's sketchy behavior. Coincidentally not too unlike the absol from Instruments of Creation. Despite her lack of initiative, I feel like she will do difficult things if duty compels her to. It was not totally clear to me from her conversation with Lotte whether she actually knows that the village hunts meat—Lotte alludes to "getting [her] paws dirty," and Muse doesn't question it, so she might know. It wouldn't be surprising for her to have learned, given that she is somewhat close to Jhorlo and was once close to Lotte. Am I just being oblivious? I wonder what other readers said about this. Either way, when Jhorlo's big secret gets out, there's going to be a reckoning for her. Either she has to explain why she's kept the truth from everyone, or she'll just be dealing with the same horror as everyone else, realizing that their food source is not so ethical.

The scene with Umbra felt, at points, like it was retreading ground. She has no friends, she's under Jhorlo's thumb, she can't just beat everyone up, etc, we know the situation. Jhorlo continues to be super hateable, like ugh, I don't even like Umbra, and I'm still annoyed on her behalf. I wonder what kind of crafty plan she'll come up with to kill Nip.

More specific stuff on googledocs here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M4ZQk6E-AidzBeYfl_fqAoVnWzAbdrwnRWi--TzYqqQ/edit?usp=sharing
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, dunno how solid an idea it was to start grinding out a review of a ~7600 word chapter at at 11 PM, but eh. I originally wanted to write this out over the weekend and feel that now's as good a time as any to catch up.

Chapter 7

“And so that’s the story we were given and what we plan to do about it. Crazy, right?”

Toshi trembled slightly before stretching out in the straw bed, the action interrupted by a wince. “Wow, that’s… a lot’s happening, huh? You’re so lucky to get to go do something so important, even if it is with Shimmer.”

Haru recoiled and let out an exasperated sigh. Of course, Toshi would find excitement in something like this — chasing a criminal through a mystery dungeon — even after the nasty injury he had received in their first attempt. She hesitated, trying to think of a tactful way to reply. “Toshi… I know it sounds cool to you and all, but this is really dangerous. I mean, look what happened to you, you could have gotten killed. I don’t like putting any trust in that mawile after what she did to you but… why should I bother helping Nip, after what he’s done here?”

Toshi: "Aren't you literally about to do just that by trying to beat Umbra to finding Nip?"
:what:

Haru: "No, more like we're making sure he's actually dealt with in a fair manner and not through whatever nasty scheme Umbra has in mind."
Toshi: "... But the net effect of that is still helping Nip, isn't it?"
:joltyshrug~1:

Haru: "Look, just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right, okay?" >_>;

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” Toshi responded without hesitation. “If she went so far with us, how do you know she wouldn’t kill Nip — someone she apparently actively has a grudge against — on the spot? Justice has to be served, but it should be served fairly.”

Oh right, that's actually Toshi's argument in reply there. :V

“I… guess that’s a fair point…” Haru grumbled begrudgingly. “But even if she would go that far, I’m still not entirely convinced the danger is worth it. Especially when none of us are trained for fighting. Well, except for Muse.”

Toshi shifted in his nest. “Listen, you know how much I look up to the Expedition Society, right? When I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, I sit back and think to myself ‘What would Expedition Head Blue do?’ And in this case, I think they would say that Nip’s side of the story deserves to be heard at least, even if it does end up being a big fat lie.

[ ]

I think most of the town would say the same,” he insisted. “I think even Anu would say the same. Not sure about Whisper though, I know this must be particularly hard on her…”

It might make sense to hack Toshi’s line of dialogue into two and add something in between, since as is it’s very long and idea-dense.


Part of me is a little surprised in retrospect that Anu showed up in Toshi's list of 'mons who would give Nip a fair hearing considering that that's also his kid hanging in the balance there. I suppose being a shrine guardian gives one a bit of practice in being able to set aside personal desires for the sake of ideals, though.

Though I actually forget what the story behind Blue being named ‘Blue’ was. Since I could've sworn he wasn't a physically blue 'mon

Haru grunted and scraped a paw across the rough wooden floorboards. “Ugh… I… Kind of hate that have a point.” She paused for a moment. “To be fair… I do want to hear what he has to say for himself…

“But!” she added quickly, stamping a foot on the ground for emphasis, “I also think Shimmer, Muse, and I going into the dungeon again is a poor idea. There’re enough town guards dealing with it. Pokemon that are trained to deal with troublemakers. I’ll go with them to keep an eye on them, and because I probably have the best chance getting Nip to come along quietly. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Toshi: "So in other words, you want a second chance at getting recognition, huh?"
:joltyshrug~1:

Haru: "Toshi, that's literally not what I said!" >.<

“If I wasn’t so beat up already, I’d go out there myself!” Toshi exclaimed, jumping back to his feet, only to whimper and sink back down into the straw. “I mean… it would be good practice. To be honest… I’ve been thinking about stepping up my training, to give me some practice so that I can get strong enough to join the Expedition Society or the Rescue Guild soon. Besides, every pokemon deserves at a second chance, even if it’s under close scrutiny.”

Haru deflated slightly. She wanted to argue that pokemon like them had no business working for something as intense as exploring or rescuing, but sensed arguing was a losing battle. “I know. I really do understand how you feel. You want to chase the dream of adventure. But I just want to settle down and handle the family business, you know? Sure, fame and glory to put our name forward would be nice, but not at the risk of my life and everything Mom and Dad have been building up. And all this mess keeps pulling me away from it.”

Wait, but I thought that Haru literally got talked into initially going after Nip because of the promise of making a name for herself.

I'm not sure whether or not it makes more sense to try and address in this chapter or in past ones to build up to this, but it might make sense to beat "Yes, I'd like to make a name for myself. Around town/To help the family business" a bit more aggressively, since I admittedly did a bit of a double-take at first at Haru's train of thought here, even if I ultimately understood what she was getting at.

She stepped forward, leaning in to nuzzle against Toshi before continuing. “But… I guess you’re right. If I was able to end this without bloodshed and I don’t, and more pokemon end up getting hurt, I would feel pretty bad about it. I’ve already agreed, so I’ll do it this time. But you guys still owe me, big time.”

The younger bidoof chuckled, nipping playfully at Haru’s ear. “Thanks, Sis, I’m sure you won’t regret this.

:sceptical:


Haru: "I'm... just going to assume that I'm somehow going to wind up regretting this." >_>;

Haru pushed a paw up against his face and pushed him away, then circled back to settle in a nearby nest. “Now we just need to wait for Muse and Shimmer. They said they’d meet me here.”

“No need to wait!”

Haru groaned at the chipper voice. Was peace and quiet too much to ask for?

While I presume the voice is Shimmer's from Haru's reaction, it might make sense to make that a bit more explicitly stated in the text there for disambiguation.

Muse and Shimmer entered shortly in usual form, with Shimmer lounging atop Muse’s back.

“Oh, Toshi, I was so worried about you!” The kirlia cried out, jumping down from Muse’s back to run over and give him a hug.

“Ow ow ow! Shims stop, please!” Toshi paused and pawed against Shimmer, gently attempting to separate them.

Toshi: "Shimmer, I'm on bedrest from puncture wounds right now!" >.<
Shimmer: "Er... oops? In my defense, it's hard to resist giving you affection, Toshi-kins." 😅

Shimmer was quick to let go and pull back, giving the bidoof room to breathe. She clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Mmm. Sorry sweetheart, I was just worried about you! I’m so glad that you’re safe!”

“Yeah,” he replied with an awkward laugh. “Thanks…”

Haru: "You know, it's not too late to eat a Sleep Seed and conk out right here, Toshi." -_-;

“Could we just-” Haru began, cutting off when she realized that no one was listening, instead listening to Shimmer babble more nonsense about her love of Toshi and how worried she was. She raised her voice. “Could we just please discuss the matter at hand?”

That finally caught the kirlia’s attention. “I’m not sure what’s left to discuss? We have plenty of items leftover from today, other than the escape orb and a few oran berries that we had to use. But those are easily replaced.”

I mean, part of me is surprised that Shimmer didn't just give the 'bugs bunny no' reaction face in reply there, but I suppose it would be wise to move the plot along, huh? :V

Haru started to retort, but clamped her mouth shut as the aromatisse doctor entered the room, a shallow bowl in hand.

“I hope I don’t hear my patients discussing running right back into the dungeon when they’re supposed to be resting.”

All: "..."
:uhhh:

Haru: "What? Us? No! Never! We were just... uh... discussing hypotheticals of what we'd do if we were healthy enough to go back out there!"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Lecha: "... How deaf do you think I am?" 😐

“Oh no, of course not, Miss Lecha,” Shimmer said, waving her hand dismissively.

“Hm…” Lecha stared down the kirlia for a moment, an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever. “Well, I suppose I should get a better look at you while you’re here, Muse. You left in such a hurry before I didn’t get a chance to examine you properly.”
-snerk-

Guess the answer is 'pretty deaf' there. Even if I suspect that Shimmer's status as the mayor's daughter is carrying her a bit here.

[ ]

“Oh no, I’m fine,” Muse insisted. “I mean, my jaw is a little sore, but… it’s nothing serious.”

“Nonsense. I can tell you’re exhausted. You’re hiding a limp and you’re missing clumps of fur! Stay right there. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

[ ]

Muse let out a sigh and lowered her head, slumping down into one of the nests “Well… While we’re waiting… I suppose we could discuss the fact that Umbra will be staying the night with us.”

Hrm. I feel like this section is one that could stand to have a bit of extra description. The first set of brackets feels like it'd work to slip in some brief thing about how Muse is reacting to the idea of getting a more thorough examination, while the second would be a nice spot to explicitly note that Lecha ducks out of the room, which doesn't presently happen in the prose at the moment.

“Who?” Toshi asked.

“The mawile.”

Excuse me?” the bidoof squeaked, attempting to hop to his feet, only to end up sprawled out again, front legs trying to clutch his stomach in pain.

“What did I say about sudden movements, dear?”

Toshi whined before carefully settling himself back into the straw. “I know, I know, ma’am. Sorry.”

Oh, so Lecha is still here in the room. Somewhere. Probably makes sense to explicitly describe that a bit more in between a line of dialogue or two.

Also:

Toshi:
Image


Lecha let out a satisfied huff and sat her bowl aside, turning her attention to Muse as she began to work through the absol’s thick fur, looking her over for wounds.

“Anyways,” Muse said, suppressing a wince when Lecha brushed up against a nasty scrape, “taking her over to the villa was an… awkward situation, all things considered.”

“I imagine so. Did she say anything on the way over?”

Shimmer chimed in. “Not a word. Though I couldn’t tell if it was because she felt awkward about the situation, or if she was just being stubborn. Didn’t stop me from rambling on to her.”

Shimmer: "Wait, you're telling me that that awful Mawile who chewed up Toshi-kins is staying in my house?"
:what:

Muse: "Uh, yes. That was firmly established by now, Shimmer. Bring it up with your father." >_>;

Lecha stood up straight, nudging the empty bowl in front of the absol, and walked off towards her shelves of berries and herbs.

I got the impression that it was both,” Muse said.

>Umbra
>feeling awkward about the situation

Image


A moment of awkward silence followed, interrupted only when Lecha returned with a wet cloth and a sitrus berry.

“Here,” she said, placing the berry in the bowl. “Fortunately, none of your wounds are deep. I’m going to clean them out and then you can be on your way. The sitrus berry will help with the pain and speed up recovery. Keep them clean and eat an oran berry tomorrow morning, and you should be back to normal within the next two to three days.”

“Oh, good.” Muse paused to stifle a yawn. “I should be able to sleep well, then.” The absol dipped her head down to scoop up and chew on the berry as silence fell on the group once more.

A bit nitpicky of me, but I kinda wonder if one of these two 'silence's should be replaced with a synonym or something in order to make the prose more differentiated.

“Well,” Haru said, getting up to stretch. “I suppose I should head home. It’s getting dark, and we’re going to have to get up early to...” she trailed off, mindful of Lecha’s presence. “Well, I’m going to have to get up early to catch up on work. I’ll see you guys later. Toshi, you staying here?”

“Mmm, guess so,” the other bidoof said, closing his eyes. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

“Don’t worry Toshi-kins,” Shimmer piped up, clapping her hands together. “Everything’s going to turn out alright. We’ll get this dealt with, then things can go back to normal!”

“That’s right,” Haru said firmly, before adding under her breath, “I hope.”

Narrator: "Things are absolutely not going back to normal."
Haru: "(Hey, do you think we oversold the whole 'going back to normal' thing for Lecha?)"
Muse: "(I mean, I'm not picking up premonitions of doom here, so I think we're in good shape?)"
:gardeshrug:

Haru: "(... Didn't you have your first one in literal years just earlier today?)" >_>;

Stupid! Now look what you’ve done!

Despite his exhaustion, Nip forced himself to keep moving throughout the night. Or at least, he suspected it was night; he could not be certain how much time had passed from within the mystery dungeon, where the sky did not change. Fear that the dungeon would shift and sweep him out kept him moving. Fear of being followed, of being caught and hauled back, kept him looking over his shoulder. Fear of the death that either could cause kept him tense. Only once he made it into the dungeon’s third division did he allow himself a moment’s rest.

There, he was able to turn his attention to the egg. There, as he took a moment to rest, guilt finally had a chance to gnaw its way into his belly.

Nip: "... In retrospect, I probably should've taken my chances breaking into Mandi's for food before leaving."
:uhhh:


Two ideas warred within his mind. One was of hunger. The innate need to eat to survive. Even if stealing an egg from his saviors was cruel, the ends justified the means. Though he normally did not care for the taste of egg, the deep hunger that twisted his gut squashed that feeling.

Image



Especially since "the ends" are highly unpredictable and often have a significant amount of RNG involved that "the means" will justify them.

But moral reason and his consciousness held him back. If he were to be caught, he reasoned, he would have a better chance of surviving the encounter if the egg were still intact. He should have just stolen meat from the mandibuzz and cubone; he would have had enough time, even factoring in the longer walk there, and if they had caught him, he would have had the advantage against both. And would it not be cruel to kill a child that had a much better chance at a good life than any of those from his homelands? Even if some of the rules of the village seemed senseless, it still seemed like a better life than what he had been offered. For the most part.

Oh, so Nip did think about 'should've just stolen from Mandi's' as part of this sequence. Assuming that Nip's animating thought process to get to this point isn't that far removed as part of that eventual overhaul you're planning on implementing, I think that it might make sense to reiterate that it's more than just a longer walk that Nip was afraid of, it's "a longer walk, during which Umbra will find me, and then brutally murder me" that he was afraid of, since that seems like significantly better reasoning to weigh against/ignore all these points Nip's bringing up about why the path not taken was significantly safer than what he ultimately went with.

Why does it matter? He thought. I’m never going to see them again. Why should I care what they think of me? Once he gave them the slip, he could continue south until he found the ocean, follow it around a good distance until he was certain he was untraceable, and then settle down somewhere for a quiet, solitary life where no village could tell him that his way of life was evil, and no tribe could set up arbitrary rules that trapped him in misery.

Bold of you to assume that, Nip, when the original projected run length of PWCH was 47 chapters and we're on chapter 7. :V

There was one ultimate question, however, that left him more conflicted than any other.

Did eating an egg stolen from people that saved him out of the goodness of their heart make him a monster? If it did, could he live with that?

He grit his teeth, claws pressing against the thick shell. No, he wasn’t sure he could.

Ten seconds later...

But by the time he reached the fourth division, all that remained was a lingering sense of guilt, and littered pieces of shell that would be swept away by the dungeon winds.

Nip: "... At least I'm well fed for the journey ahead of me? Even if I really am going to die if I ever see anyone from that village eer again."
:fearfullaugh~1:


Though no two dungeons were the same, most had similar attributes. Some were a tunnel, connecting two places. Others led to a stabilized area at the end, that had the time-frozen characteristics of the dungeon, but never shifted. Legends in Nip’s tribe spoke of dungeons where pokemon like Yveltal hid themselves away, watching the world move around them. Other legends spoke of treasures and artifacts that kept the world in balance. Sometimes those two legends intersected, telling of gods that watched over world-ending artifacts, guarding them for all eternity.

Oh, so that's the story's justification for why Legendary Pokémon seem to have a thing for chilling in Mystery Dungeons in canon. Hey, you could certainly do worse than that.

But most dungeons were nothing like that. Most dungeons were much more ordinary, like this one.

The dungeon led him to a large, open field of tall grass that came almost up to his neck, void of undergrowth but filled with a low, thin fog that obscured his vision. Trees were sparse here, ancient oaks occasionally sticking up out of the mist like twisted sentinels.

Though the land was mostly flat, it occasionally dipped into a crater that had long grown over with grass. As Nip carefully tread through the tall grass, taking great care to be certain he was not accidently stumbling into one of the steeper dips, he wondered what ancient battle could have left scars like these on the land. Were these a result of the time and space gods? The fact that a mystery dungeon brought him to it would suggest so. Yet he wondered how many details had been lost to time. Had other pokemon fought alongside Dialga and Palkia? If so, were they other gods? Or ordinary pokemon like him?

I mean, I hadn't ever considered "Palkia and Dialga both had a normal one and fought each other" as an origin story for a PMD-style world, though it would make a surprising amount of sense given that MDs as depicted in canon are just casual violations of the laws of spacetime.

He shook his head to clear the thought away, nervously combing his claws through his ear feather. He should be focusing on more important, relevant things. Like figuring out if he was being followed, and if he could afford time to sleep.

Could the village pokemon be laying outside in wait for him? Or had they pursued him into the dungeon? Or both, even, sending pokemon to flush him out and lead him right into an ambush? Were they clever enough for that sort of tactic? He heard no sound of pursuers since he’d entered, though he had no clue how much time had passed since his ill-planned escape. Still, the tall grass, mist, and still air of the stable division would provide him cover, so long as he stayed still, quiet, and low to the ground. With that in mind, he listened carefully as he advanced towards the center, occasionally sniffing at the air.

Nip: "Wait, why am I this worried about those village Pokémon when they literally had so little of a self-preservation instinct that they designed their 'Day Care' to be a building that might as well have had a giant sign saying 'free lunch, come inside' on it?"
:what:

- Beat moment -
Nip: "... Right, because they had strong guards who chased me into here."
:fearfullaugh~1:


Several heartbeats passed in near silence as he crept through the tall grass, only the muffled sounds of his own pawsteps reaching his ears. Nip could not help but wonder if any pokemon lived here. He had seen pokemon living throughout the dungeon, some of them attacking him to defend their territory. And his few excursions into mystery dungeons in the past had usually ended in populated stable pockets. Yet here? It seemed like nothing. So far at least. Perhaps there were some spaced out amongst the grass, and the fog was muffling the sound of their movements.

As he neared what he suspected was the center, he found himself in a ring of shorter grass. At the center of the ring was the biggest crater he’d seen yet. This one, however, had long ago filled with water, creating a moderate sized pond in the center. A lone, ancient tree stood at the water’s edge, parts of its roots exposed by erosion.

Nip glanced at the sky and across the water before cautiously inching his way towards the shore. No, no one seemed to be nearby. How fortunate, that he had found a water source. If he could also find food, he’d be able to sustain himself down here until it was safe to leave.

Nip: "... Or until the village flushes this place out by raiding it with guards. But let's think positive here!" ^^;

Satisfied that he was safe for the moment, he approached the water’s edge, peering down into the murky depths. Unfortunately, it was not the clearest, most clean water he’d ever seen, but it seemed drinkable enough. It would do for now.

He crouched down and leaned forward to lap up a few mouthfuls. It had a slight earthy taste. He scrunched up his nose but powered through it.

And yet, something kept him from relaxing. Something that felt like a little sting in the back of his head. He paused, going still as he stared out into the water. Though the water was murky and limited his vision, he could still see the ripples in the water, could still see the shadow swimming towards him.

He scrambled back from the water’s edge just in time to avoid snapping fangs. The pokemon sank back into the water, staying just enough above water level to be able to peer out and get a good look at Nip. He did much similar, edging closer to where land met water, watching cautiously.

The aquatic pokemon was surprisingly vibrant in color. A gaudy pink made up most of her scales, but some were blue, yellow, or purple.

- Nip abruptly spits out the water -
Nip: "I-Is that a Bruxish? I thought that they lived in seawater! What on earth have I been drinking?"
:TailsEww:

Bruxi: "... Brackish water? Though hey, nobody says we can't get by in fresh water in this setting."
:joltyshrug~1:


“Ah, a dark type, that explains much,” the bruxish mumbled to herself. Then she spoke louder to address Nip. “A clever one you are, pulling back just in time. Tell me, what brings you to Storyteller Bruxi’s pond?”

Nip gave the bruxish a skeptical, distrusting look. “Storyteller… Bruxi?”

The bruxish scoffed. “Yes dear, that is my title. Bruxi. Storyteller and lore seeker of Sunglow Thicket. I also try my fins at offering psychic advice from time to time.” She waved a fin showing her teeth in what might have been a smile. It was horrifying to look at. “You may relax, by the way. I don’t try to eat pokemon twice. Besides, you look much too tough to eat.”

Nip: "That... isn't much of a reassurance. And for the record, there's a reason why smiles that make others think that you've just found lunch aren't seen as friendly and approachable!"
830873817453821962.png

Bruxi: "I don't believe that you're one to talk, Sneasel." ^^

Nip wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or offended by that. Slowly his hackles lowered and he relaxed, standing up straight.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it? Come closer. It’s been a while since anyone new came to visit me. How has the world been outside of these waters?”

Nip: "... Have you seriously lived your whole life in this one dinky little pond?"
:what:

Bruxi: "Yes? And?"

“Uhh…” The sneasel hesitated, rubbing his claws together. “Fine, I guess?” This is stupid! What am I doing? “Er… if you don’t mind me asking, how did you get down here, in that pond?” He glanced up, squinting in an attempt to make out the shore on the other side. “There doesn’t exactly seem to be a water source. And I don’t know that it rains inside dungeons.”

Not thinking things through, obviously. Not that that isn't par for the course for you in this story, Nip.
:loltias:


Plus you don't exactly have anything better to do, so why not chat up the fish with the horrifying smile?

“Trying to figure out the logic of a mystery dungeon? Hah! You are a funny one. Yes. You simply must tell me your name.”

He hesitated. It wasn’t any of her business! What if she told the villagers that he was here? ...No, they didn’t usually interact with wildeners, right? And the last thing he needed was to make more enemies. Not now.“ Call me Nip.”

Nip: "... Is it too late for me to give an alias?" >.<
Bruxi: "You'd have been better off pretending 'Nip' was an alias, just saying."
:joltyshrug~1:

Nip: "... Right, anyhow..."

“Well, Nip, perhaps there are diglet tunnels that flooded a very long time ago, that used to connect to the world outside the dungeon before they caved in. Before they caved in, I swam in here as a wee little bruxish and decided to stay for a while, but then I grew too big! Or perhaps I was dropped into the dungeon when a staraptor tried to make off with me as their meal. Which of these stories is true? Does it really matter?”

Nip averted his gaze, hiding his frustration with the coy answer. “I suppose not, in the end. I do not plan to stay for very long anyways, so why bother?”

“I suspected as much,” Bruxi said, her tone lofty and nonchalant as she swam just a bit closer to shore. “Only a small group of pokemon live here permanently. And most of those travel out into the rest of the dungeon to gather supplies or prey on forest mon that were foolish enough to wander inside. Perhaps you have noticed, but this dungeon – the stable zone in particular - is quite lacking in food. A few berry bushes grow here and there in this zone. And a fruit tree or two. But carnivores like you or I are far less common. This dungeon will not sustain you for long.

Nip: "... Fantastic. So how have you stayed alive all this time? Boring Pokémon to death and eating them?" >.<
Bruxi: "Now now, I'm a lore seeker, not a lore giver. Where's the fun in sucking away all the mystery in life?" :V

“Besides,” she added with a wry, toothy grin, “I suspect there’s more to you being here than just passing through, isn’t there?”

At once, Nip’s mood shifted from cautious to angry and apprehensive. His ear twitched and he visibly tensed, looking the bruxish over cautiously as he shifted into a defensive pose, showing his claws and baring his fangs. He shouldn’t have trusted her! “What is that supposed to mean? Are you working with the village pokemon? Are you just trying to stall me? Answer me!”

Bruxi laughed, sinking lower into the water, bubbles escaping as she continued to laugh even as submerged, throwing off Nip’s defensive posture. She returned to the surface a moment late. “Oh, good gods, no! You won’t find many down here that think fondly of that lot. They’re quite cowardly, most village mon. Only traveling into the dungeon if they absolutely have to, looking down upon the wilderner way of life, taking our possessions if we protect our territory. If you’re avoiding village pokemon, for better or for worse you’ll find a mon or two here that will defend you from them.”

I mean, "cowardly, judgmental thieves" is a bit harsh, but you can't say that it doesn't fit from the perspective of a crabby wildener or equivalent 'mon in another setting since... yeah, it doesn't take a whole lot to warp living a PMD lifestyle around into that.

“Bruxi! Bruxi!”

The two pokemon whipped around at the high-pitched chirp sounded in the distance, still clear enough to hear, even in the fog. Bruxi seemed to fall into a trance for a moment, and Nip got the impression that she was using her psychic abilities. “Case in point. Why not take a moment to listen to what dear Blais has to say?”

The call of the bruxish’s name sounded twice more before the pokemon arrived at the pond. There were three of them, all looking worse for wear. A fletchinder swooped down first, nearly losing his balance when he landed. A few feathers were bent here and there, and a few scrapes left behind dried blood. And he was absolutely filthy, dirt and dust and even a twig sticking to his feathers. Two fletchling landed shortly after the fletchinder, looking no better. The worse looking of the two fletchling leaned against the other, standing on only one leg. Its other leg hung at an awkward angle.

😬

I have to wonder how Haru would feel if she were there to see this, since... yeah. That description made me wince, especially knowing that this came from an argument over a Wonder Orb.

Once they caught sight of the sneasel, they both took to the air again with shrill, panicked tweets.

The fletchinder got one look at Nip and squawked in alarm. “You- You’re the sneasel they were looking for, aren’t you? What are you doing here?!”

“Calm down, Blais,” Bruxi said in a calming voice. “The sneasel will not harm you. Or he’ll have to answer to me. Please, tell us what happened. Start from the beginning, if you will.”

Nip: "Just saying, I'm pretty sure I hold a type advantage over you." >_>;
Bruxi: "And you're also being hunted and short on allies. And do you really think I'd have said that if I didn't have a way to make you answer to me?"
Nip: "... Okay, fair point." ._.;

Nip suspected he could take her in a fight, but decided it not worth it to argue, or even try. He relaxed his posture enough to appear non-threatening. A moment later, when no more sounds came from him, the two fletchling returned, landing just behind Blais, and huddled together behind him.

Oh, so that's how you're supposed to approach wildeners. I have to wonder if that's common knowledge among the Pokémon from Nip's tribe given that their lifestyles are more tied to natural rhythms, or if that's something he picked up during his travels.

Blais looked to Bruxi, then to Nip, and took a few seconds to preen anxiously. “W-well… We found one of those neat orbs recently, when we were out looking for supplies. We found a gust trap and placed it there to protect it from being stolen until we could come back for it, and then left to search for more supplies in that area.”

“Why not just take it with you?” Nip questioned.

“I had to make sure we could carry any more important stuff back,” the fletchinder countered. “Regardless of that, we’d only gotten halfway to the next field when we heard the trap go off. We raced back as fast as our wings would carry us and saw a bunch of those town mon there, trying to take it from us! They said they were looking for a sneasel. We tried to fight them off, but there were too many of them. They knocked us all out, and when we came to, they’d already left, and they took the orb with them! I wanted that orb, and they didn’t need it!”

I mean, not that y'all didn't get a bum deal from that fight there, but this is why it makes sense to invest in speech skills so that way you can engage in semi-competent diplomacy.
:fearfullaugh~1:


I will say that it's rare to see PMD stories bother to take a moment to show the perspective of "dungeon encounter #637", especially when there isn't a party member to be had from it. PWCH doing getting perspective flips like this IMO is one of the things that helps make the story stand out on the scene, since it leans into it being a morality study where there isn't necessarily a "right answer" to the problems in-setting that won't make someone unhappy or hurt.

The bruxish hummed in thought. “The only one that’s come through today is the sneasel here. What pokemon were they?”

“There were two bidoof, a kirlia and one of those, umm…” Blais hesitated, trying to think of what the last one might be, making a curved motion in the air with his beak. “Four legs. They had a horn like that.”

“An absol?” Nip suggested, a pit forming in his stomach.

“Yeah, that’s the one!” one of the fletchlings chirped out.

Nip: "... I can't believe that I'm saying this after I just- uh... got into trouble with the village, but Haru. What. The. Hell?" >_>;

Nip’s throat felt dry. Not a mawile – not Umbra, and not just any village pokemon, but instead those four were pursuing him. Possibly among many others, for all he knew. Umbra could be in the dungeon as well, for that matter. At best, he could hope they might slow each other down.

Well, those hopes technically panned out. Just not for long enough. :V

“What did you do to make them mad enough to chase ya in here anyways?” Blais asked in an accusatory tone, experimentally flapping his wings before wincing. “Steal an egg or something?”

Nip: "Oh my gods. It's the Bruxish that's supposed to be the Psychic-type here!" >.<
Blais: "So... that's an admission, right?"

Nip visibly tensed at the accusation, an action that did not go unnoticed by the fletchinder. Blais squawked indignantly. “You totally did, didn’t you! Why I oughta chase you back out of this dungeon myself!” To punctuate his words, Blais spread out his wings in an attempt to appear more intimidating, a few cinders escaping the side of his beak as he squawked.

Nice attention to detail, there. Since I'm pretty sure that intimidation behavior actually happens among birds IRL, and I know that it's recommended that you do that with jackets when encountering hostile forest creatures on trails.

Nip: "Well, this storytime is certainly going places." >.<
Blais: "Look, do you expect any Pokémon to exactly be warm and welcoming to an egg thief?" >v>
Nip: "Excuse me for being naturally adapted for such a diet! I thought you said it was the town Pokémon that were supposed to be judgemental!" >_>;

In response, Nip crouched, a low growl sounding from the back of his throat. But before either of the combative pokemon could jump the other, they each received a spurt of water to the face.

“I will not have fighting at my pond,” Bruxi said, her words coming out firm and dangerous. “Sneasel, you would do well to explain yourself. Neither Villager nor Wildener take well to egg theft around here. Hunting is one thing, but going after something as defenseless as an egg? You’ll be lucky to survive if you pull that stunt again.”

“It’s not like I go out of my way to poach eggs,” Nip grumbled, shaking water from his fur. “In fact, I much prefer the taste of most meat over eggs. I just… was in a tight spot and thought it was the best solution, alright?”

Blais + Birds: "..."
:absus:

Bruxi: "..."
:sceptical:

Nip: "Look, can you at least give me a chance to give context before giving me the third degree like that?" >.<

The fletchinder turned his back, though he did turn his head to keep one eye on the sneasel. “And why should I trust you?”

Nip closed his eyes and turned away slightly. “You don’t have to. I don’t care if you trust me or not. I just want some peace and quiet, and I’m not interested in causing trouble again.”

“Whatever.” Blais’ remark was punctuated by a couple flaps of his wings. “I’m going to go get some oran berries out of the stash. And maybe see if old Chimes is around and can do something about Fleet’s leg.”

What is the story about how Wildeners come up with their names for themselves in this setting anyways? Since I haven't been able to fully peg what their respective rules are. Though not that ambiguity is necessarily a bad thing, since having names that sound like they could've plausibly come from one or the other world helps sell a sense that "they're not so different from each other". Which I've always gotten a bit of a vibe from for PWCH.

He turned his head to stare Nip down with a glare that could penetrate the soul. “Don’t expect me to stick out my neck when they come looking for you. If they hadn’t already wronged me, I’d sell you out for a single oran berry.”

Yeah, fat lot that helps you, since I'm pretty sure you get hunted and passed off as carrion to Mandi in a couple chapters.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Bruxi watched as the flying type took to the air, kicking up dust as he took off. Then she turned her attention back to Nip. “You’ll have to excuse him. He has a lot on his mind, taking care of his younger siblings.”

“Really? Those two were his siblings?”

“Mhmm? His parents are… well, not around anymore. Why, does this surprise you?”

“Things are different back where I come from. There, we don’t…” Nip trailed off, his ear flicking. “Well, it probably does not matter to you. I plan to rest here, perhaps find something to eat, and then I will be on my way.”

Ah yes, the first subtle hint that family and parentage dynamics work differently up North. Though I'm looking forward to the eventual story of how things came to be so different up there.

“Mmm, running away from your problems, yes?”

“I’m not-” Nip started, but the bruxish cut him off with a spritz of water that barely missed his face.

“Oh, hush darling, it’s written all over you. I may not be able to read the mind of a dark type, but I know a troubled soul when I see one.”

Bruxi: "Also, so far, you've made it painfully obvious that you're a terrible liar."
Nip: "I-I managed to keep all of this hidden from that village, didn't I? That counts for something, right?"
:fearfullaugh~1:


Nip had nothing to say to that. So, he clamped his mouth shut and instead focused on grooming as much water out of his fur as possible.

When he failed to speak up, the bruxish turned away, swimming back a little way into the water. “You may rest here if you would like, but if you wish to eat you will either have to stick to plants, or else return to the other zones of the dungeon. The stable zone has a bit of a truce, of sorts. No one will bother you here, but if you try to hunt here, they’ll turn on you in an instant. The rest of the dungeon is fair game though, and everyone knows it.”

“You tried to attack me at first though,” he pointed out, eliciting a chuckle from the water type.

“Oh, fair enough, but can you really blame me? I’m confined to this pond. Surely, I have to find food somehow, or else rely on the good will of others.” She paused, humming in thought. “It’s the price we pay to live free of the rules of villages and towns.

Ah yes, the central trade-off between civilization and wild life in PMD settings with sapient "ferals", especially ones that don't have the workaround of "normal animals" for protein.

I wonder if we'll see this explored more again in this story, though just what PWCH did with this topic in its earlier run was already really memorable, and it included some things in it that I honestly wish I'd thought of for my own writings.

With barely a splash, the bruxish disappeared back into the murky pond waters, leaving Nip alone with his thoughts.

He decided to claw his way up into the tree nearest the pond, claws digging into the ancient bark as he scrambled up. From here, he was at least partially shrouded from view by leaves, and could get a better look out over the fields of grass. Although the fog still limited his vision, he could at least see further than before. Silently, he thanked Yveltal that his feathers were more of a mint-green, instead of the more common red variant; it kept him from sticking out like a sore paw.

Image



If red-green colorblindness was decently widespread among Pokémon species in this setting thanks to taking after IRL counterpart attributes (e.x. most non-primate mammals are are R-G colorblind), the red tail feather wouldn't be that bad at giving Nip away there.

... Well, until Whisper spotted it, then yeah. It'd stick out like a sore paw. But I suppose that's one way to see that this story comes down hard on normal Pokémon having trichromatic color vision.

Now that he could see further into the mist, he could catch more signs of movement. A rattata running here, a bounsweet bouncing there, an ursaring flattening the grass as they lumbered through, a poochyenna playfully pounced after a butterfree in the distance. Bruxi’s parting explanation rang in his ears as he watched. Though all these pokemon were safe here, leaving for food meant risking their life. A pokemon that was a friend here could be an enemy if they crossed paths elsewhere.

What a terribly lonely way to live, he thought.

I mean, that isn't that far removed from how you've been living your life for the past few chapters, Nip, so...
:joltyshrug~1:


And yet, had he not given everything up for this? When he had left hom- when he had left his tribe in a fit of anger, he knew what he was getting into. He knew he was leaving the protection of many for a life alone on the road. He had no one to fend for but himself, but also no one to stand up for him.

He always considered himself a loner; he never expected that he would actually miss the companionship of pokemon — or at least some pokemon — that cared.

When Nip finally drifted to sleep, he dreamt of a barren cliff of dry grass and dust, an ocean soaked crimson by the setting sun, and the ebony silhouette of a pokemon soaring across the dimming sky as stars began to twinkle.

Wait, is that his god he's dreaming of there?

Nip: "I... I really made a bad call back there with that egg, didn't I?" ._.

If Umbra could describe Theran Village in one word, it would be “strange.” There were a lot of things in the sleepy community that she found odd and unusual.

She found it strange, first of all, that a bidoof and an absol would work together, fighting in one unit. Or even live in the same community, for that matter. The psychic type — kirlia, she thinks she called herself — the kirlia’s place in the food chain was harder to place, but she suspected the companionship between a kirlia and an absol would be strange too. Psychics were uncommon in her region, so her lack of familiarity was understandable, at least.

Wait, so does that mean that the 90-10 rule also applies for tribes up north where 90% of the Pokémon are herbivores relative to the remaining 10?

Since I'm pretty sure that you're leaving a lot on the table by not working across the divide in some capacity in that case, least of all numbers for cannon fodder.

The whole community was strange, for that matter. She could not think of one tribe in which herbivores and carnivores lived in harmony with each other, and only of a few large groups of herbivores that banded together.

Yeah, funny story about that...
:fearfullaugh~1:


Though I suppose that last bit of the paragraph means that most herbivores up north are Wildeners and that they're fairly underrepresented in their civilization.

Even the way they made their dens was strange. Instead of dug out and compacted earthen tunnels or painstakingly carved caves, they built their own of stone and felled wood, with no brush and undergrowth to protect and hide the entrances, leaving their homes exposed.

These pokemon had so little sense, it was no wonder Nip had such an easy time wreaking havoc.

Umbra: "Wow, these 'mons really don't have a sense of self-preservation." -_-;

The mawile stretched out in the straw bed with a yawn, situating herself on her belly, and dug deeper into the herbage. Even this was odd. She thought back to her own bed back at home. Sure, straw and twigs and reeds built up a base, but it was also carefully lined with fur and feathers to keep out the cold.

She would love to be back there, instead of halfway across the land chasing after a pokemon as ungrateful as Nip.

But as she closed her eyes and tried to put that… that… scavenging… egg stealing… cretin out of mind, a soft scratching at the — what did the kirlia call it, a door? There was a scratching at the door that caught her attention and made her spring to her feet.

Narrator: "And thus, a thousand Nip x Umbra ships were launch-"
Umbra: "Don't you even dare!" 😠

“Who’s there?” she called out, voice on edge.

“Please come out,” a voice mewed from the other side. “Mister Jhorlo would like to see you.”

At the name of the leader of sorts around here, she relaxed, if only slightly. She took a second to brush out any stray bits of hay that might have clung to her fur, then approached the door. She pushed the wooden latch that kept it shut, then cautiously pushed the door open.

Two purrloin stood outside, one on each side of the door, waiting for her to exit. She edged her way out, carefully looking both ways to be certain it was not a trap. Once she was certain though, she stepped all the way out so that she was between the two of them.

I... take it that perfidy and ambushes among different tribes isn't exactly rare up North given how cautious Umbra's being here.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Though then again, she did hospitalize one of the village's own. So maybe this makes sense from her standards even if Northern civilization isn't such that you constantly have to be on guard outside your own tribal kin.

The two turned in unison, the one to her right raising a front paw. “Follow me, please,” he said, voice firm. “Jhorlo’s room is this way.”

He took the lead, guiding her down the wood and stone den’s tunnels, and up an incline to the second level. They passed by an opening along the way, wooden boards bound together to create a place to overlook the sleepy village buildings below. And then they were back into the dim tunnels, rounding a corner until the moonlight was out of sight, coming to a stop in front of another door.

The lead purrloin sat down on one side, bowing his head. “We have arrived.”

The second one sat on the other side of the door and motioned in the same way. “Mister Jhorlo is waiting inside for you.”

Umbra could not help but hesitate in the doorway, her training and caution coming back to her. Here she was, without ally in unfamiliar territory. For all she knew, she was walking into an ambush.

Er... yeah, sounds like being an ambassador up north's quite a job given that this sort of wariness is apparently par for the course up there. ^^;

Relax, she chided herself. No one here has been particularly strong. As if they could defeat me. She elected to ignore the fact that she’d avoided fighting the lucario and rapidash earlier. After all, their appearance brought the fight from four against one to seven, and even she had to hesitate at those odds.

Fourteen words thought seconds from disaster. Also I like how the narration's just casually knocking Umbra for being arrogant and conveniently amnesiac about having to back down earlier. :V

Now resolved, she took a confident stride through the doorway.

The room was much more lavishly decorated than the nice, though sparse, room she had been placed in. An opening in the back of the room allowed moonlight to filter in, lighting the room partway. For those dark corners the light did not reach, luminous moss had been placed in jars, giving the majority of the room a dim, blue-green hue. The walls had been painted a deep purple, with an occasional painted design breaking up the monotony.

To her left, a wooden block - or perhaps a chest - rested against the wall, several old-looking trinkets neatly lined up on top. At the center of the room was a low-rising wooden platform, the top carefully sanded and glazed down into a smooth surface. Atop the table was a candle, a bowl filled with water, a well of some sort of ink or dye, and some type of parchment. On the floor on her side of the platform was a plush object made of material that reminded her of spinnerak silk. And on the other side sat Jhorlo, nonchalantly grooming down the fur along his shoulder.

Well, you can't say that Jhorlo doesn't know a thing or two about how to make an impression with his workspace.

“Ah, there you are,” he began, looking up towards her. “Please, come stand across from me at the table. Or if you prefer to sit, feel free to do so on the pillow.”

Umbra wordlessly followed the instruction, hesitating and brushing her fur before taking a seat on the plush object she suspected he was referring to. Even then, though, she stayed attentive, listening for the first thing that might sound off.

If Jhorlo noticed her discomfort, he said nothing of it. He leaned forward to lap up a couple mouthfuls of water while waiting, then sat up straight to address the mawile.

“Ah, apologies, I did not think to have a cup of water brought in for you. I’ll have someone bring you some to your room after we talk, is that alright?”

Only then did Umbra realize how parched she was, having not drank since before she’d entered the mystery dungeon that morning. But thirst would show weakness, so instead she responded, “that will be fine.”

I'd normally say that she's being way too paranoid for being outside her neighborhood. But no, considering what Jhorlo is up to in this story, not making him think that you're weak and bulliable is probably a really good thing.

“Good, good. Then with that out of the way, how about we get down to business, yes?”

Wanting to appear nonchalant, Umbra reached up to scratch behind her undamaged ear. “Oh, of course. Though I cannot imagine what sort of business you have with me?”

“You’ll have to refresh my memory a bit, I don’t remember if you explained all of this already. My understanding of your story is that you’re here hunting down that no good sneasel, Nip, yes? Tell me, what do you plan to do once you catch him? Be honest, if you please.”

Umbra let out a quiet hum. How much did she need to share? “Once I catch him, I must make sure he faces justice for what he did to our kin.”

The purugly stared her down. And then he chuckled. “Hmm hmm hm… Quite the vague answer, you’ve given me there. But your sense of justice and the village’s may not align, you see.”

Umbra: "Look, Purugly. He killed a bunch of kids in our tribe, whatever you think is sufficient punishment for that, I'm sure that we can more than deliver on it." >:|
Jhorlo: "Oh, I'm sure. But that's not what I was getting at there..."

When Umbra said nothing in response to that, he stood up and began to pace along the other side of the table. “It would do you better to answer me honestly, you know. I’m actually on your side, despite what you might think. Sometimes the village pokemon can be far too soft.” His voice took a dangerous tone. “The fact that you walked free after your little fight is proof of that, if my daughter and her friend’s side of the story can be believed.”

He stared for several heartbeats, letting the unspoken threat hang in the air before returning to his casual tone. “What if they just let him go with a slap on the wrist, as they did you? Perhaps my late mate would have been alright with that. But as she’s not around anymore, I have my own way of running things. I can help you get to him before they do, so that you can enact your own justice, but only if you’ll be truthful.”

Umbra: "... (Dammit, this was an ambush!)" >.<
Jhorlo: "You do know that I can hear that, right? Purugly ears pick up all sorts of things. But 'ambush' is so crude. I prefer the term 'surprise'. After all, this is a friendly negotiation..."
- Jhorlo narrows eyes -
Jhorlo: "For now."

Umbra remained quiet while listening to his speech, carefully considering his words. Only when it reached an end, and he stopped to look up at her expectantly, did she speak. “I suppose you may have a point. Very well. If you must know, I was told to try and drag him back to our tribe to face judgement. However, if that was impossible, I was given permission to kill him, so long as I bring back proof of his demise. We are nearly a moon’s journey from my tribe, if one were to head directly there. I think my decision is obvious.”

“Looks like I was correct then, I suspected as much.” The purugly sat back down, voice coming out silky smooth. “In that case, I do believe I can help you out. I’ll have Jaques and Lotte accompany you. Should you get there first, you should have the chance to enact your plans. There’s just… one little catch.”

Umbra narrowed her eyes dangerously. “Explain.”

Umbra: "Look, my civilization might not work like yours, but I know enough to know that whenever there's 'one little catch', it's usually not one catch, and it's not a little one either." >:|
Jhorlo: "Well, guess I'd better get out with it then, huh?"

“Oh, I don’t think it’ll be anything major,” he added quickly. “No problem at all. My only request is that you leave the body behind. I suspect you wouldn’t want to travel with a corpse, after all, and I’m sure poor Mandi could use more stock. It’s so hard to scavenge enough food for all the carnivores in town, you see.

“Besides,” he added, his voice rumbling with an amused purr, “I’ve always wondered what sneasel tastes like.”

:ScaredCabot:


Definitely one of the more memorable 'mask off' moments I've seen in a fanfic that I've read. Even in a second readthrough, it still successfully gives a "this guy's serious trouble" vibe given that he's openly talking about having a currently-living Pokémon killed in order to eat him.

Excuse me?” Umbra growled, slowly rising to her feet. “Do you have any idea how disrespectful it would be to leave a tribemate to be scavenged? Yveltal’s code says that any pokemon that’s been a friend to you should be given proper burial.” Not that Nip had ever been a friend to her. He was always a waste of resources, even before his treachery.

Jhorlo scoffed. “Like I would just scatter his bones about. What kind of pokemon do you take me for? I don’t know anything about this ‘Yveltal,’ but if it really bothers you that much, I can promise that our scavengers will bury whatever’s left once they’re done, as they always do. But even if they didn’t, do you really think he deserves that, after what he did to the pokemon of your tribe? Or is there something more you’re hiding?”

inb4 there would be nothing to bury afterwards since everything would be used in some capacity It just feels like it would be such a 'Jhorlo' exact words promise to give.

Of course there’s not!” she snapped, her second set of jaws clamping tightly. She leaned forward, her tiny claws digging into the smooth surface of the wood. Narrowing her eyes, she stared at the purugly, who stared back with an even, smug grin and a glint of moonlight in his eyes. Then she forced herself to relax and lean back. “No, everything I’ve said thus far is truthful. I… suppose you have a good point though.”

Image


For a second, she swore she saw a glint of light in the purugly’s eyes. A slight shift of his expression. He stepped closer to the table, placing his paw in the well of ink, then pressed it firmly to the paper. Even in the dim light, she could see the bright red pawprint it left behind. He then sat back down, placing one paw next to the well. “Well. Do we have a deal then?”

>imagine signing a contract that you can't read

Umbra, I’m pretty sure it’s literally revealed that you come from a literate society a few chapters after this, this is an absolutely terrible idea and you know it.

She hesitated only a moment longer. What difference did it make to her what they did to Nip? Or rather – to his body, once she had enacted revenge for her tribe. Once she killed him, he’d be out of her — and her kin’s, of course — fur. She could take his feathers as proof and wash her hands of this whole ordeal, returning to the home she loved.

She placed her hand into the thick ink, then pressed her palm against the parchment, next to his print and below rows of randomly placed dots. “Well, Jhorlo, I think we’ve come to an agreement.”

Image


Whelp, too late.

The purugly let out a pleased rumble. “I must thank you for your cooperation, Umbra. I’ll have Jaques and Lotte prepare to leave with you first thing in the morning, and get you outfitted with a bag to carry your belongings. Get some rest; you have a big chase ahead of you tomorrow, and you’ll need to hurry ahead of the rest of the villagers.”

She’d be able to sink her jaws into him soon. Snap his neck, or watch his lifeblood bleed out. Then she’d never have to think about Nip again.

“Of course I will, Jhorlo. I won’t let this opportunity go to waste.”

Well, it sure is a good thing that Haru and the gang were planning on going out after Nip, since otherwise this story would have ended really, really early on.
:fearfullaugh~1:

Alright, time for the postmortem:

A second transition chapter, but on the whole, I think I like this one a bit more than the last one since it basically sets the central background conflict of the early part of this story. The dark secret of this bucolic village that our wanderer from afar inadvertently dredges up by making an omlette. The exploration of the wildeners' perspective was a nice touch, and even in the little time they were present, they had quite a bit of personality. It adds a bit of a gut punch re-reading this story knowing that most of them are going to be dead within a few chapters. Also, atmosphere. There's a strong sense of suspense from this chapter where it makes you worry whether or not Haru and the gang will make it out to Nip in time, since... yeah, he would have problems if they didn't beat Umbra back to him. ^^;

As for stuff I wasn't as hot on... there were a couple bits that I thought were a little light on the description that could've been expanded. There's some bits about Nip's thought process that I thought were a little iffy in his scene with Whisper's egg, but I won't speak to much about that since that entire sequence might be radically different by the time you're done rolling out your early-story tweaks. I also wonder if Umbra being illiterate ought to have been hinted at earlier on such as her seeing signs about town but not realizing that she's looking at writing in order to better sell the sequence where Jhorlo tricks her into signing a legally enforceable contract, but perhaps that's nitpicking.

All-in-all, great show, @windskull . Took me a little longer to get this review together than I expected, but I had a lot of fun with it, and I'm looking forward to throwing some more of these your way in the very near future. ^^
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Alright, finally finishing up my end-of-weekend bump to this series and getting things out as a formal review. I had a bit more than normal to say this time, so let’s get right into things:

Chapter 8

Haru found it difficult to sleep that night, her dreams plagued by nightmares of Shimmer, Muse and herself dying in increasingly terrible ways. In one particularly nasty dream, she found herself ripped apart by an angry mawile, left alone to die as the other two struggled to survive.

Haru: "Boy am I glad that this is just a dream and that Bidoof aren't known for having premonitions... I hope."
:fearfullaugh~1:


It felt like it took forever for the first light of dawn to arrive, and at the same time rushed by in no time at all. But as light started to peek into her window, she forced herself to her paws, shook off the stray bits of straw that clung to her fur, and lumbered out of the house as quietly as possible, making sure to grab her bag along the way. She’d replenished the oran berries they’d used the night before, but otherwise their supplies were the same. Hopefully the others grabbed the escape orb.

Lol, that's gotta be a real confidence-inspirer when you can't take it for granted your teammates remembered your emergency exit. Especially after having a night plagued with dreams of dying painful, horrible deaths in the place you're about to duck out to.

Shimmer and Muse were already waiting for her as she stepped outside, the absol looking almost as tired as her, while Shimmer was wide awake and as bouncy as always.

“Got everything?” the kirlia asked in a whisper.

“I’m good to go,” Haru answered. “Remind me why we have to leave so early, though?”

Haru: "And was it really necessary to not just make this a mission between me and Muse? Especially given how much of a magnet for trouble Shimmer was last time?" >_>;
Muse: "Haru, we're already operating with less 'monpower than last time. Be a little less picky."
:typhNOsion:


“Because we need to get there before everyone else, silly.” As she spoke, Shimmer took a moment to look through Muse’s saddle bags, making sure everything was in place. “Especially Umbra. You know she’ll be the first one in. She seemed like she was still asleep when Muse and I left, but I doubt she still is.”

Wow. Shimmer's actually sounding sober and rational there. The world must be ending... and if my memory serves me right, it is in this story.

“Right, right,” Haru mumbled, thinking once again how she very much would like to be back in bed. Or anywhere but here, getting ready to head into Sunglow Thicket again, for that matter. “I guess we should get going then. Are people going to ask questions if they see us leaving town, though?”

Haru: "... I really hope that those were just dreams and not premonitions, since otherwise things are going to suck really, really hard in short order."
:uhhh:


“No one is going to question me,” Shimmer assured, with a giggle. “And if they do, I’ll just tell them it’s business for dad. That’ll shut them up.

Well that's certainly a sign of a perfectly normal and healthy civic / political culture. Not.

Haru was not convinced, but it was as good of an excuse as any. The trio headed down the path out of town in silence, watching the sun slowly rise into the sky in front of them. Haru swore she caught a glimpse of cream fur as they neared the edge of town. She hoped it was a trick of the eye, but one little possible glimpse was more than enough to get her moving just a bit faster.

The race to catch Nip was on.

Haru: "Shimmer, shouldn't we have. Oh I don't know, talked to others to help have our back here for this instead of going in with just the three of us?" >_>;
Shimmer: "You do realize that the more parties you involve in a secret, the harder it is to keep it secret, right? Now come on! There's no time to waste!"

Despite the discussions of the previous day, the entrance to the dungeon was just as barren as it had been before, with not a single guard watching it.

... Quality leadership from Jhorlo there, really. You'd think that he'd have immediately rectified this, but no... :V

Also, fortunate for the gang there, since otherwise their brilliant plan to get to Nip before everyone else would've run right into a wall.

“I still think that was a huge oversight,” Haru muttered as they passed through the distorted space and took a moment to reorient themselves amongst the golden-leaved trees.

Haru: "Was a huge oversight? The entrance is still unguarded right now!" >.<
Shimmer: "It works out for us? Now come on, Haru! Before someone catches up!"
:joltyshrug~1:


“Maybe so,” Muse agreed. “I don’t know how often the dungeon shifts, but it’s best we move quickly. Nip would have to be in the stable zone by now. If he’s still here.”

Right, stable zones in this story are closer in dynamic to anchorstones or whatever they were called from Psychic Sheep. It's a neat difference in takes, though like everything else in PWCH that has made me go "oh, I recognize that term/concept!", it always feels like it fits in the world, and it carries a recognizable twist that makes it very much your own.

Time seemed to move at a crawl as they made their way through the first three zones, working their way amongst the twisting paths and open clearings. They only met a single wildener along the way, an oddish that took one look at the trio of pokemon and ran off, thinking better of trying to start a fight on its own.

Smart Oddish there. Even if it's a bit of a shame that "panicking" as a mechanic was axed post PMD RB, since as limited as that mechanic was, something about it made dungeon encounters feel more like living entities since of course some Pokémon would panic if they were thrust into blatantly unfair matchups in battle.

The fourth zone was a bit less forgiving.

“Don’t just stand there, run!” cried Haru as she barely rolled out of the way of an ursaring’s claws. She took off, skidding on leaves, spraying them into the air in her attempt to flee.

Well that escalated quickly.

Haru: "Again, we could've gotten more help for this, but noooo..." >.<

“An ursaring? Here? Who knew we had so many scary pokemon living this close to the village!” Shimmer’s voice came out in a shriek as she shot pulses of fairy-type energy out in the direction of the ursaring, holding tight to Muse’s thick mane as the absol fled.

... Sounds like Shimmer probably would've had some regrets about going into Sunglow Thicket with such a small party herself right about now.
:loltias:


“Don’t worry about attacking it!” Muse called, looping back towards Haru. “It’s not worth the fight and you’ll just make it angrier! Grab Haru and let’s go!”

The kirlia finally quit shrieking at the top of her lungs, the waves of energy dying away. “Oh, fine,” she agreed, sifting her attention. She held one hand out, letting it glow with blue energy as she turned her attention to the fleeing bidoof.

Wait, what move was Shimmer using there? It might have made sense to throw in an explicit namedrop at some point since I was admittedly drawing blanks there.

Haru cried out as she felt her limbs seize up. Yet her feet began to lift from the ground. She shifted her eyes towards Shimmer, as she flew, slowly catching up to the two. Once she was close enough, Shimmer lessened the connection, holding her as tightly as she could in her arms while providing extra support with the psychic.

Wait, "lessened the connection" as in her grasp while using Psychic? Since if that was the intent, I think that it might make sense to phrase this differently like "loosened her psychic grasp". Since for a second, I thought that this was a telepathy thing or something like that.

All three of them together now, Muse turned tail and ran, making a beeline for the nearest path out of the clearing. “Do we have any blast seeds?” She yelled back to Shimmer.

Even if we do, I can’t check and keep a grip on Haru!

That actually makes me wonder now if more dedicated exploration teams have things like bandoliers or multiple pouches dedicated to certain items where if in a pinch, you just reach in and grab the item before whigging it at an opponent.

“Turn me a bit, I might be able to reach!” Haru cut in. She felt shimmer twist a little bit, so that her paws could reach into Muse’s saddlebags.

Muse grit her teeth. “I can’t stand around and wait. Hold tight, I’m gonna run as fast as I can!”

Haru flinched as she heard a roar behind them, the Ursaring still pursuing with more speed than she expected out of the lumbering normal-type.

I'm pretty sure that Ursaring outspeeds at least 2 out of 3 of you from base speed stats, so not sure why you're finding this that shocking, Haru.

Haru: "Again Shimmer, this is why we should've gone in as more than just a party of three!"
:uhhh:


The path in front of them slowly began to veer to the left, guiding them in an arc that seemed to lead back towards the clearing they had started from. Angry roars and crashing sounds drove Muse to push herself forward. They were slowly outrunning the beast, but they couldn’t be quick enough.

“I’ve got something!” Haru announced, her agile little paws wrapping around a stick in Muse’s bag. She pulled out the wand, gripping it for dear life as she watched for the ursaring to appear around the corner behind them.

>swinging a wand blindly at an assailant

I mean, I guess in terms of net effect it'd be a positive, but boy are these three uncoordinated for this trek through their local MD.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Muse skidded to a stop as they reentered the clearing, sending up a spray of leaves. “Which way?” She called over her shoulder.

“Try the path to the left!” Shimmer shouted, glancing back over her shoulder nervously, expecting the brutish beast to reappear any second. “The left!”

The absol wasted no time speeding off, feet scrabbling in the leaf litter.

Haru: "Oh thank goodness, I think we lost it-"
:sweats:


The ursaring reappeared. Haru swung the wand wildly in a panic, a wave of yellow energy expelling from tip. She watched, holding her breath, as the wave hit the ursaring square in the chest. It let out an angry roar and tried to take another step, only freeze in place, twitching as it tried to fight the wand’s effects.

Haru: "Oh stars..."
:uhhh:

Shimmer: "... At least the Petrify Wand did its job? Though let's hurry up and get out of here before it wears off."

“Told you the petrify wand would be useful!” Shimmer called as they disappeared down the path she’d chosen.

I can already tell that there's going to be a later situation where they would've really, really appreciated having that around to work with but just don't anymore.

Even with the ursaring petrified, Muse did not stop, running through the twists and turns aimlessly until Shimmer spotted the distortion leading to the next zone a few clearings later. The trio let out a sigh of relief as the noise of the previous zone died away, leaving them in silence outside of Muse’s heavy breathing. She flopped onto her side, panting, unceremoniously dropping her kirlia and bidoof passengers in the process.

“Sorry guys,” she gasped between breaths. “I just need... A minute.”

Haru: "You know, it's not too late to pop the Escape Orb, duck into town and grab Anu, and-"
Shimmer: "Haru, we came here with the point of beating Umbra to Nip. We're going to beat Umbra to Nip." >_>;

“Look on the bright side,” Haru tried weakly, wincing as she tried roll onto her belly. “We found the next zone.” She stood up slowly, stretching out the aches. “And we haven’t come across any of the others yet, so we’re probably still ahead.”

Muse: "... And this assumption of yours is based off of what again?"
:what:

Haru: "... Me really, really hoping that we didn't almost just get chunks ripped out of us by an angry Ursaring for nothing?"
:joltyshrug~1:


“Unless someone else had the same idea that we did,” Muse pointed out, still breathless. She rolled back onto her stomach. “Then they could be ahead of us.”

Haru: "... Seriously, Muse. Let me have my optimism for a bit!" >.<
Muse: "Or, we could have our decision-making grounded by realism and try and work things to our advantage."
:typhNOsion:


Shimmer took a moment to carefully dust herself off, then combed her fingers through her hair. “Good points, both of you. You’re both so clever! We gotta keep going then, to catch up or stay ahead, whichever it may be!

Well, somebody certainly sounds like a decisive leader there. Hope she doesn't get that from her father. :V

The absol slowly climbed to her feet and addressed Shimmer. “Um… Sorry, do you mind walking for a bit? I’m kind of exhausted.”

“Of course, of course,” Shimmer said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Save your strength and all that. We should be to the last zone soon enough and we need to be in tip-top shape for that. Everyone keep an eye out!”

Easier said than done when everyone's winded after running for dear life from an angry bear. Including what's arguably the toughest member of your present team. ^^;

The crew sat off in an apprehensive silence, making their way through the forest of perpetual autumn with their goal in mind. No one dared speak, for fear of drawing unwanted attention when so close to their goal.

How long they spent in the fifth zone was unclear; Only the passage of twisting paths and thousands of fallen leaves to showed that they were making any progress at all.

But after what felt like forever, the end was in sight. Shimmer was the first to spot the distorted break in the undergrowth, more half dozen clearings later.

Haru: "... Wait, did we seriously not see anything of note this entire time on the way through this zone?"
:what:

Shimmer: "... No? We are here to intercept Nip before anyone else does, and we did see scenery almost exactly like this yesterday, so..."
Muse: "Er... yeah, samey, repetitive scenery is just kinda a PMD tradition both in canon and outside of it."
:joltyshrug~1:

Haru: "... Fair enough, really."

“Ready?” Muse asked.

Muse and Shimmer shared determined looks. Haru was less certain but did her best to hide it. The trio stepped through the distortion.

Haru waited for the vertigo to pass as she stepped through the narrow path, then took a quick, cursory look around, only to discover that she had to stand on her hind legs to see anything over the thick, tall grass.

Haru: "Well that's certainly new. Is that a sign we're in the stable zone now, or...?" (edited)

Unfortunately, even then she could see little, for fog kept her from seeing much further.

I did a double-take for a second since I could've sworn MDs in this story didn't also use that as a transition between normal and MD space, but then I realized that Sunglow Thicket is perpetually in autumn, and I'm pretty sure that autumns in some places are prime fog season.

The trio huddled close together, looking about cautiously about for any signs of life. Muse raised her head to sniff at the air, then tilted it downwards to sniff at the ground.

“It’s faint, but I smell something… off. Something different from the scent of these woods. Nip, possibly. Stay close and on guard, I’m going to try and track it.”

Haru: "Wait, why only 'possibly'? Shouldn't Nip have a scent that we'd find fairly distinctive?"
:sceptical:

Muse: "I mean, he's a Sneasel. I don't think it's a safe assumption that every one of them smells unique from each other. And then there's the possibility of other Pokémon that smell like Sneasel. Considering how we're in an environment that would very plausibly muddy sensory perception..."
:joltyshrug~1:

Haru: "Okay, fair point."

Muse began to walk, each paw step careful, stopping to sniff the ground every moment or so to make certain she was staying on the correct path. Haru walked just behind, following the absol’s path exactly, trying to sniff out the abnormalities in the scent of damp grass and dust. Shimmer brought up the rear, her eyes glowing a soft blue as she attempted to feel for anyone around them with her psychic abilities.

Haru’s sense of smell was, unfortunately, dampened by fog in the air, moisture clinging to her fur. “I think I hate this dungeon,” she mumbled under her breath as she pushed further through the grass, only to almost bump up against Muse’s leg.

Haru:
giphy.gif


The absol had come to a stop just ahead, staring down into a crater just a few feet away. The other two sidled up beside her.

“Did he go down there?” Shimmer asked.

Muse shook her body, flinging moisture and dust into the air. “No. The path veers to the left. I was just… thinking for a moment. Legends say that the mystery dungeons are the scars of the War of the Ancient Ones. It’s…. Kind of sad, to look at it in person, and see that even hundreds… thousands of years later, scars still remain on the land.”

That actually makes me wonder what on earth was there in PWCH's world prior to Dialga and Palkia having a normal one and tearing things up. Since considering Sunglow Thicket and that entire canyon MD that basically cuts Theran Village off from easy passage to Nip's civilization to the north, if the world-that-was was radically different, who on earth would ever know what used to be there?

Haru stared down into the hole for a moment, looking at the grass that grew thick at the bottom. Then she let out a scoff and turned away. “Who cares about some ancient battle in the past. It happened so long ago, it doesn’t really matter anymore. We should be looking to the future instead. Or the present, at least. Come on, we’re wasting time.”

Bold of you to assume that Haru, considering how Pokémon plots have used "ancient being / event causes massive problems in the present day as a plot device going back to RSE, and it's also incredibly common for stories in the fandom.

Muse turned to look at the bidoof for a moment. “I would argue it still matters, since mystery dungeons still exist, but I can’t fault you for your feelings.” She turned back and peered down into the crater for a moment longer, then let out a hum of ascent and turned, sniffing at the air again.

Ah yes, Muse is the genre-savvy one of the group. Though it makes sense given that she is the one that canonically gets premonitions of the future.

The path Muse lead them on was a winding one, twisting and turning deeper into the stable zone, avoiding each crater or hole they passed. Haru followed the trail just behind, confirming that the absol was on the right path. The next few minutes passed in a tense silence, coming closer and closer to the center.

Then finally, they were free of the grass, the scent trail leading to a small pond in the middle, mixing and mingling with scents of the forest.

Oh, so that's Bruxi's pond, huh? Given that I'm pretty sure this whole sequence resulted in a giant melee with the local Wildeners over Nip from my readthrough about a year ago, I'm sure this will totally end well.

“I’m getting a drink of water,” Shimmer mumbled. “Give me just a moment.” She stepped forward to the water’s edge, lapping up a few mouthfuls of the water, scrunching up her face a moment later. “Tastes like dirt.

Yup. It's Bruxi's pond, alright. I very distinctly remember that description from when Nip drank from hers.

Haru, on the other hand, had no interest in stopping, sniffing the trail even as it moved into mud. She followed it closely at the water’s edge, until it came to a sudden stop. She was so intent on the smell, however, that she didn’t notice the tree until she had knocked her head on it. She let out a yelp, falling back onto her butt so she could try to rub her head where she’d bonked.

Muse and Shimmer joined her a moment later.

“Is this where the trail ends?” Shimmer asked.

“Seems like it,” Muse reported. “Though… its possible he masked his scent.”

I'm actually a little surprised in retrospect that Nip didn't more aggressively try to hide his scent or signs of his presence after entering the stable zone, since... yeah, that place doesn't exactly reshuffle or floor wipe, and it'd be relatively easy to track him down if he hid someplace inside of it without it.

Haru: "Wait, how on earth do you know that, Muse?"
Muse: "Because I literally just came across his trail abruptly ending right at the water's edge? That seems like a decent reason to assume that Nip's disguised his scent."

“How so?”

“Swimming in the water, caking himself in mud or… other smelly things. Either of those are a possibility.”

Haru: "I... didn't need to consider that second possibility, really."
:TailsEww:


“Or he’s still up there,” Haru finished. “How are we gonna find out? You and I can’t climb, Muse, and I don’t know about Shims going up by herself.”

“Aw you really do care about me, future sister in law!” Shimmer remarked with a squeal.

Haru: "No, not like that-!" >.<
Shimmer: "Too late, I know what I heard."
:seviuwu:


“Don’t push it,” Haru said with a growl. “I mean, you can go if you want and I won’t stop you.”

Shimmer waved a hand dismissively. “Whatever you say, Harhar. I have an even better idea. I’m going to yell at the tree.

That sounds like such a funny non sequitur there. Though I have to wonder what on earth gave Shimmer that idea given that the last we saw of Nip, he was hiding in a tree.

“What?”

“You heard me!”

“Shims wait—”

The kirlia took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she focused and chose her words. Then she cried out in a shrill, disarming voice, “Oh Niiiip! Won’t you please come down here? We just want to talk!” As she screamed, she let out pulses of energy, aiming at the branches above.

Part of me wonders if there should've been more explicit mention that "up there" referred to "up in the trees", since for a second, I had thought from the dialogue that they were talking about Nip being in the zones. I think that something as simple as showing one of the three looking up and motioning at the branches in description would've hammered the point home pretty well.

The leaves swayed from the force of the pulse, but at first, it seemed like nothing had happened. But a second later, as Shimmer’s energy died away, Haru caught sight of a dark form hanging from one of the higher branches: a sneasel with mint-green feathers grumbling curses under his breath.

“Hey, I see him! Up there!” Then she turned her attention to the fugitive. “Hey! Nip! We’re serious! Come down from there peacefully, and we won’t have to fight!

Nip: "You just spat a Fairy-type attack at me! I'm a Dark-type!"
830873817453821962.png

Shimmer: "... We won't have to fight further? Also, I'm pretty sure that I just hit the branches and not you directly." ^^;

“Yeah! If you come with us, we’ll take you back to the village before Umbra can get you!” Shimmer added.

“She probably knows you’re here by now,” Muse added. “If she’s already here, she would have heard all that yelling.”

“Hey, no fair Musey, don’t pin it on me.”

Nip: "Oh yeah, go back from certain death with Umbra to certain death back in your village. That sounds like a really good motivator. Not." >_>;

The sneasel slung himself around, so that he was balanced safely on the branch. He peered down at the trio for a very long moment as they stared back up at him.

And then he sucked in a deep breath and exhaled, blasting them from above with air so frigid that small shards of ice began to form, sending a chill through the trio. Then he jumped, landing several yards away on his feet, immediately taking off at a run.

“Aw, looks like we’re doing this the hard way!” Shimmer called out. “Let’s go guys!” No sooner had she taken a step, however, a blast of water from behind knocked her off her feet. She turned her head just in time to see a pink tail disappear into the depths of the water.

Have you ever considered that you just kinda suck at diplomacy and didn't put forward a very compelling argument for Nip to peacefully come along, Shimmer?
:gardeshrug:


“Stupid water-type!” the kirlia cried, shaking a fist. “What’s their problem? Oh, don’t just stand there, guys; don’t let him get away!”

Muse took off first, following the parting grass. Haru bounded after them as quickly as she could, not waiting for Shimmer to scramble back to her feet.

Nip had the advantage of speed, but Muse had the advantage of height and being able to see where she was going over the grass, cutting corners around pitfalls to slowly gain on the sneasel, who was running practically blind.

You'd think that he'd have attempted to clamber back into the trees given how well-adapted Sneasel are to climbing canonically, but eh. I guess that Shimmer could've just knocked him out of them again had he tried that.

Haru was less lucky, being even slower than the long-legged absol. All she had to guide her were chance glimpses of Muse’s pale fur between gaps in the grass.

Shimmer caught up with her a moment later. “He’s really moving!” she reported. “But he keeps having to readjust himself to avoid the craters. Wait- they’re both stopping up ahead! I think they’ve run into someone!”

Haru forced herself to move faster, guided by Shimmer towards where the two had stopped. Heartbeats later, the two burst out into a small clearing barren of grass, perhaps twice as wide as Muse was across and three times long.

A seviper stood blocking the way, hissing angrily. Nip stood behind it, glancing anxiously back towards Muse. And beyond him were two other pokemon: a teddiursa and a steenee.

A couple species typos there. But ah yes, Nip pulls a page from the playbook of game-canon Outlaws and calls a Monster House down on the party here. Of course, it helps that he got to know them a bit and (relatively) befriend them beforehand. It's definitely a neat way of showing off mechanically how one of those scenarios might work.

“I don’t care what he’s done,” The serviper hissed angrily, apparently in the middle of an argument with Muse. “We do not. Break. The pact.”

“We don’t care about your stupid wildener pact,” Shimmer announced, garnering a flinch from Muse. and a warning noise from Haru. “He did a crime. We’ll be taking him back to face that, if he wants to live.”

Wew. So did Shimmer choose Diplomacy/Speech as one of her dump stats or something like that? Since that's more or less a textbook case of how not to engage someone who's crabby and telegraphing aggression to you if you don't want to get into a fight.
:loltias:


Muse: "Um... Shimmer? Not that your points aren't correct, but you might want to consider making them in a bit of a less argumentative manner." ._.;
Shimmer: "Oh come on, these 'mons aren't seriously going to harbor an Outlaw, are they? He broke the law!"

“Well, we don’t care about village rules. The stable zone is neutral territory,” the seviper shot back. “Either respect that or — if you choose to attack — we will be forced to intervene.”

A tense staredown followed as the trio sized the enemy up. If they attacked, it would give Nip a chance to slink away. The teddiursa seemed anxious, and unprepared for battle. The seviper and steenee on the other hand…

Before they had a chance to decide, however, a voice called out that chilled the trio of village pokemon to their core.

“NIP!”

Haru + Shimmer + Muse:
:grohno:

Nip:
:eltyscared:

Shimmer: "... So much for salvaging this situation via diplomacy." >.<
Haru: “Yes, because you were doing such a fantastic job at that, Shimmer.” >_>;

The mawile appeared a moment later, took one quick cursory glance at the two frozen sides, then set her eyes on nip and launched herself at him.

The sneasel sprang out of the way of the snapping jaws with a terrified screech. Immediately the six other pokemon sprang into action, the clearing breaking out into the chaos and cacophony of fighting pokemon.

Muse: "Well, this is going smoothly already." >.<
Haru: "If we keep our berths, they won't see us as aggressors and we can cut and run with Nip?"
:fearfullaugh~1:


The teddiursa cried out in alarm and barely avoided getting hit by Umbra on the rebound.

The steenee sprang up and shot razor-sharp leaves at the mawile.

Muse charged towards the seviper, dark energy accumulating on her horn.

I feel like there's something missing here establishing that "whelp, have fun with that, Umbra" isn't an option for Haru and the others, since... yeah, getting sucked into a fight you don't need to doesn't feel like something that Muse would want to do, but it's not made evident as to why Muse felt a need to attack the Seviper there as opposed to ignoring and trying to go after Nip.

Haru: "Muse!" >.<
Muse: "What? She was very obviously trying to attack us!"
Haru: "Based off of what description?!" >_>;
- Beat moment -
Muse: "... From implication? Also, battles are confusing things, so I might have been getting conflicting messages?"
:joltyshrug~1:


Shimmer gasped out in alarm as she spotted familiar faces emerging from the grass.

“Jaques? Lotte?”

[ ]

“Shimmer?”

“Miss Shimmer?”

I kinda wonder if there should've been more reaction from Jhorlo's bodyguards to seeing Shimmer and Muse out here, since those two were probably expecting this to be a quiet mission where Umbra would do her dirty work with them passing on a report of a job well done afterwards and not have to worry about their boss' kid being there in the fray. One would think that this would draw enough of a surprised reaction for them to visibly react to things.

Haru hung back, trying to catch sight of who was fighting who. She caught sight of grey and green slinking out of the cloud of kicked-up dust, getting ready to disappear back into the grass.

She sprang out of the way of a whirl of claws and scales, barely avoiding the poisonous tip of the seviper’s tail.

“Shims! No time to explain, look!” She raised a paw to point towards the slinking sneasel, who had nearly reached the grass.

“Throw me! Quick!”

Image


Though I see that Haru's taking a page out of the TTGL playbook, since "throw me at the enemy" worked out surprisingly well in that show. Even if I doubt it'll work as well here.

Shimmer stared at her long enough to blink once, then Haru’s plan clicked with her. “Got it, hold tight to your bag!”

Haru winced as she felt psychic energy surround and lift her stiffly into the air.

“I’ll catch up as quickly as possible. Good luck!”

By now, more pokemon living in the stable zone were appearing, jumping into the fray with only a vague idea of who was friend or foe only interested in ending the fight by any means necessary. Before she could make any more sense of the fight, though, she was flung through the air, flying directly towards Nip.

- Nip looks up -
Nip: "Oh, you're kidding me. Seriously, I don't want to be in your village any more than you want me there right now! Just let me go already!" >_>;
Haru:
Image


She let out a battle cry as she fell, crashing into his back with all the raw power of a furious bidoof, sending him sprawling to the ground. She held tight for a moment, digging paws into his back as she tried to sink her teeth into his scruff. In response he screeched and scrambled and twisted beneath her.

This sounds like a really terrible idea given that Sneasel are canonically predatory and have sharp claws that are very much used for cutting up their opponents, to say nothing about Nip being a fairly seasoned fighter and outdoorsmon, but you can't say that it didn't have the element of surprise.

But she had underestimated his flexibility. He twisted just enough to strike at her, slashing at her side with glowing claws.

She let out a pained squeal, her concentration broken, giving him just enough of an opening to wiggle and struggle free from under her, shoving her aside.

Yeah, that wasn't exactly a surprising outcome there. ^^;

As soon as he was loose, he scrambled to his feet and took off at a run again, shards of ice beginning to form in his mouth as he prepared another attack.

Haru climbed back to her feet and flew forward with all the speed she could muster. He had a head start, but he wasn’t fleeing at full speed yet. In a last-ditch effort, she leapt, springing forward with paws outstretched, tackling him without holding back.

Right into one of the craters.

Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark.

The two tumbled head over heels as they bounced and skidded down the steep slope, coming to a painful stop at the bottom.

Haru groaned, shaking her head in an attempt to clear the dizziness and gather her bearings. She caught sight of Nip a few feet away, also trying to climb to his feet. He coughed and spat out a few lousy ice crystals.

“We can stop this now, you know!” Haru called out, stamping her foot as she faced him down.

Nip: "You just tackled me into a crater!"
:GrumpNip:

Haru: "I mean, we don't have to continue past that bit, so..." ^^;

He turned his attention to the bidoof and took up a defensive pose, eyes narrowing to slits. “Yes, we could. You can let me go and then I’ll be out of your fur and you’ll never have to worry about me again. You can pretend I never existed.”

“Don’t you try to play that with me! You stole an egg from us. Unless you still happen to have it, there’s no taking that back!”

Nip: "..."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Haru: "You... don't have it. Do you?" >.<

The sneasel crouched, dark energy forming around his claws. “I don’t want to fight.”

Haru shook her fur and glanced to the side. In the confrontation, her bag had been knocked loose. She darted her gaze back to the sneasel. “Then give up, because that’s the only way you’re getting out of this without one.”

Without waiting for an answer, she raced forward with her head lowered, prepared to headbutt him.

Only to earn a sharp pain to the side of the head as he struck first.

I mean, you're fighting a Sneasel, Haru. Nip's going to be very heavily advantaged against you in terms of getting the jump on things first unless you did something like pop a Slow Orb right beforehand. ^^;

She stumbled, knocked off course by the glancing blow. As she reeled, he turned tail, bolting towards the side of the crater.

She responded by chomping down on one of his tail feathers and tugging.

The sneasel screeched, stumbling, and nearly fell.

Unfortunately, all she got for her trouble was a pulled tail-feather. She spat the feather out and charged again, knocking into him with a hard headbutt. As he stumbled to the ground, she hurried to try pinning him again, this time more mindful of his claws.

Well that can't be good for Nip's pride there. Though I have to wonder how long it takes for those to fully regrow after being yanked in this setting.

“You again?!”

Haru glanced up at the angry squawk above her. She caught sight of orange and blue, just in time for the flame-wreathed bird to crash into her side, knocking her back several feet.

“Give me back my treasure!”

Oh boy, Blais is back again. ^^;

Haru: "I'm sorry, who are you again?" .-.

She climbed back to her feet as the fletchinder took to the air again, the flames dying away. But the bird was already circling back for another attack. Even worse, Nip had taken the opportunity to attempt an escape again, already climbing halfway up the steep crater walls. And the sounds of fights in the distance still raged on.

If he got away now, then they may never find him.

“Ha! Did you think you could escape me that easily?”

Haru glanced up behind her to the rim of the crater. Outlined in the mist was the form of a mawile. Umbra must have broken off from the fight when she realized Nip was gone.

Haru: "Are you kidding me right now?!" >.<
Umbra: "Why is it my problem that you're weak and too incompetent to handle fighting a couple Wildeners?"
- Umbra turns back to Nip -
Umbra: "Now, I believe that it's time to enforce some justice."

Nip paused his upwards climb, sucked in a breath, and spat shards of ice at the steel-type. Umbra responded by shielding her face with her hands, the worst of the shards either striking there or bouncing off harmlessly. He paused for a breath, and the mawile took the opportunity to dash to the other side, preparing to block his escape.

If she got to him first, it was over.

An angry caw sounded overhead. Considering her options, time ticking down as the fletchinder dove at her again, Haru glanced at the torn bag to her side.

The sleep orb.

I wonder if the sight of this thing should've been more explicitly spelled out in the third paragraph in this block, since it does kinda feel like this orb came a bit out of nowhere.

Though I have to wonder why Haru is just now remembering "oh right, we have this". I'm assuming that it's the whole confusion of the stable zone devolving into a melée a trois, but something about the frantic "gotta move, can't let Nip get away" didn't feel like it came through as much as it could've in the immediately preceding segments. Not fully sure what would be the best way of playing that up a bit more, though.

“Fine, if you want it so bad, come get it!”

She dropped it right in front of her and steadied herself, waiting just a few more seconds for the fletchinder to come closer.

Then she dashed forward to headbutt the orb, sending it flying with as much force as she could muster, shattering it against the side of the crater.

Green powder burst forth from the orbs remains, whipping up into a cloud, spreading quickly as it ballooned out. Haru forced herself to hold her breath and hunkered down.


Oh right, Wonder Orbs in this setting don't magically selectively affect/avoid affecting their users from priming or the like. Though that makes me wonder if one can no-sell a Wonder Orb just by appropriately taking precautions such as running out of the AOE as it takes effect, since those effects generally seem to be gradual in nature in this story.

The others caught in the cloud were less lucky, unprepared for the orb to take its effects.

Nip let out an angry screech, trying to climb his way out of the cloud before the effects could take hold. But it was too late. His eyelids began to droop, his voice died in his throat, and his grip weakened. Unconscious, he tumbled back to the bottom of the hole.

The fletchinder, similarly, was caught mid attack, hitting the ground and skidding to a stop in a half-asleep stupor.

Even Umbra was sagging, teetering dangerously on the edge before pitching forward, falling into the pit.

Haru: "Whew. Mission accomplished there."
- Cue sounds of fighting coming from outside the crater -
Haru: "... Right. Shimmer and Muse were still in the middle of a Monster House. Uh... I don't suppose that we can all just pop that Escape Orb and ditch it, can we?" ^^;

Haru let out a breath as the green mist dissipated and relaxed slightly, feeling a bit safer now that the three aggressing pokemon were asleep. How long the artificial nap would last, however, was yet to be determined.

And she still had another problem to deal with. Even though she may have stopped Nip’s escape, she had no way to get herself out of the crater, let alone with Nip in tow.

Haru: "... Right. I wasn't the one who brought the Escape Orb for this mission." >.<

She sank to the ground, legs splaying out under her as the rush of battle died away. Her wounds, however minor, were stinging, now that she had a moment to dwell on it. For one thing, her head ached, where Nip had struck it, though she was pretty sure he had not broken skin.

She twisted her head to get a look at her side. On one side, her fur was singed, a nasty burnt smell wafting up. On the other, Nip’s claws had managed to cut, but the wounds were fortunately shallow. Two lines of red clumped in her fur. But she would live.

Relieved that she was in no danger of bleeding out, she turned her attention to other important matters. She strained her ears for the sound of the other battle nearby and realized that she could no longer hear it. Had the fight ended? Who won? Had everyone moved on without her, thinking that perhaps she had run off? Surely Shimmer would have said something right?

Whelp, sounds like Haru didn't dodge that green powder as well as she thought she did given that I'm pretty sure that she's literally falling asleep on her feet right here and now.

Unless she had been knocked out, of course. Or perhaps they had all been defeated, left at the mercy of the angry wildeners? The fleeting thought of being abandoned was enough to strike fear into the bidoof.

Stuck as she was, Haru did the one thing she could think to do.

“Is anyone out there?” she called out into the fog. “Help me! I’m stuck down here!”

Several moments passed with no sound. She called out twice more. Hoping that some kind soul would help her out, even if the others had moved on.

I can already tell that Toshi would've had an aneurysm from Haru's whole decision-making here, since I'm pretty sure that this violates several principles of dungeoneering/delving safely for MDs. Especially if you put yourself in a situation where you can't be sure if your own teammates haven't moved on without noticing you.

She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling exhausted now that the danger had passed.

“Haru? Is that you down there?”

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar masculine voice. Slowly, she climbed up to her feet, tilting her head up to put a face to the familiar voice.

Barely visible in the mist, Anu stood at the edge of the crater, peering down with squinted eyes.

What Haru should have said was, “Yes, it’s me.” Instead, she blurted out, “Anu? What are you doing here?”

Anu: "... I'm on the guards for the search party?" >_>;
Haru: "Yeah, I knew that, but what are you doing here? I thought you were posted at an exit."

The lucario raised a brow. “I should be asking you that. You didn’t sign up to help.”

Haru sheepishly turned her head. “Well… Shimmer and Muse were planning on going, and I didn’t feel good leaving them alone after last time.

Wow, two sentences in, and already throwing your teammates under the bus, huh? :V

Anu let out a noncommittal hum in response to that, then turned his attention to the unconscious figures resting in the base with Haru. “Is that—”

“Nip and Umbra, yes.” She paused, slightly altering the truth in her head as she spoke. “I used a sleep orb to knock him out and Umbra got caught up in the attack.”

“And the fletchinder?”

“Er… the fletchinder was an attacking wildener. That’s pretty much all there is to say about him.

:absus:


Okay, Haru. Though it's a nice little detail that helps show off how little regard Haru holds for Wildeners and their concerns that she's just faded this guy to the background even after he explicitly mentioned to her that he was mad about that Wonder Orb she took.

The lucario took a moment to hum in thought. “Okay, let’s get you out of there then. Give me just a moment.” He grew quiet, closing his eyes. Haru watched as the dangling aura sensors on either side of his head stiffened, raising up slightly. He took a step back from the edge and turned, walking away.

Haru was left alone once again. She turned her attention back to the trio of sleeping figures, watching for any sign of movement.

The mawile began to stir.

Of course the orb’s effects wouldn’t last long; that was too much to ask for. She tensed, watching with bated breath as Umbra squeezed her eyes and clenched her hands. She let out a groan, slowly climbing to her feet.

“What happened?”

Haru: "Nip was brought to justice already! No need to bother looking around for him!" O_O;
Umbra: "... He's lying right beside me right now, isn't he?" >_>;

Haru kept her mouth shut as the mawile began to look around, taking in the injured bidoof and the sleeping forms of the fletchinder and Nip. She turned her attention to Haru, piecing things together in her head.

“You used an orb, didn’t you?” She grumbled. “You did not need to do that. I could have stopped his escape easily.”

“I was still being attacked!” Haru countered indignantly.

Haru: "And with all due respect, but I don't think that we really needed you to stop Nip's escape. Considering how the way you'd do it would probably result in him being in pieces." ^^;
Umbra: "Well, it would stop him from escaping, wouldn't it?" >:|

The mawile only grunted in response, turning away from Haru to instead approach Nip again.

“Anu will be back in a minute,” Haru blurted out. “He went back to get help to get us out of here.”

Umbra tilted her head to look towards the top of the crater. “I suppose it would be difficult to climb out of here…” She turned, twisting so that she could scoop up Nip within her second jaw. “Guess I can just take care of this now though.”

Haru: "Did- Did I say that Anu would be back in a minute? W-What I meant to say was that Anu is right there next to us-"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Umbra: "Yeah, nice try, idiot herbivore. I know what I heard you say there." >:|

Haru sucked in a breath and tensed, her mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions. Umbra would kill him. She was going to kill Nip right now, in front of her. Maybe her too, for being a witness. Even if she lived, they would never get the answers. They’d never know if the egg was still around, or why he did it. They’d never know how true Umbra’s story was.

Was this really just?

Perhaps she was overreacting, but it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Wait.”

The mawile paused, turning her attention to Haru. “If you have something to say, spit it out.”

Haru: "Anu's right on top of the crater, so-"
Umbra: "Something that isn't a transparent lie to try and stall me!" >_>;

Haru could not help but flinch at her tone, but she spoke, forcing herself to be brave and even a bit defiant in the face of a pokemon she knew could kill her.

“There’s no need to rush into any judgement. Once we get back to the village, we’ll have a chance to get everything sorted out, and Nip will get what’s coming to him for everything he’s done.”

Umbra:
Image


"Yeah, okay. Or I could just rip his throat out here and ensure the job is done."

The mawile tilted her head away, considering for a moment before sticking her nose up in the air. “As I’ve said before, my kin have our own way of dealing with things. He is my responsibility, and as such I will deal with him and judge him my way.

Her jaw clenched, squeezing the sneasel a bit harder. He jolted with a gasp, eyes opening wide, woke by pain. At first, he panicked, squirming and struggling in her grip, claws scraping uselessly against the steel jaws.

“No. No-no-no,” he began to mumble incoherently, as his strikes became more and more desperate. “I’ve made it so far. Not now, not now! Yveltal, please.

Haru: "I'm... I'm about to watch a 'mon die right in front of me, aren't I?"
:uhhh:

Nip: "For the love of the gods, Haru! Don't just sit there, help me!" >.<

“Oh, quit your whining, it’ll all be over soon” Umbra growled, her tone darkening as she addressed Nip. She squeezed her jaw even harder, like a vice. Nip let out a pained yelp and went limp. For a second, Haru thought he might be dead — or at least unconscious — but shallow, panicked breaths and the occasional twitch of his claws proved otherwise.

“Umbra, stop,” the bidoof demanded, climbing back to her feet. “You came with the village, which means you have to use our laws.”

Umbra: "... We're literally not in your village right here and now, though." >:|
Haru: "... We have extraterritorial rights?"
:fearfullaugh~1:


“Do not make me your enemy, bidoof,” the mawile replied, narrowing her eyes. “I will deal with this brigand the way I promised to. It’s nothing personal, just what I have to do for my kin.”

“It’s very personal!”

Umbra: "... I'm not seeing it."
:sceptical:

Haru: "Look, I had to play tour guide for him around town. I think that I ought to get some say in his fate, alright?" >_>;

Haru’s gaze quickly shifted over to Nip, his voice catching her attention. As soon as he noticed, he spoke again, words tumbling out of his mouth like a waterfall, his pitch raising in urgency the more he talked.

“I-isn’t that right Umbra? That’s why they sent you after me isn’t it? You told them you-you wanted to deal with me yourself, right? Because it w-wasn’t enough that you ruined my life, right?”

The mawile responded by turning to slam him against the side of the crater with a huff. “Your lies will get no sympathy from me. You ruined your own damn life.”

Nip spat dirt out of his mouth. “That’s a lie and you know it!”

Well, this is sure a great time to get into your backstory arguments right here and now. :V

Haru: "... How is Anu not back yet?" >.<
Umbra: "Oh, so he's not on the crater, huh?"
:sceptical:

Haru: "... You know what, I'm just not going to bother, there's more important things at hand."

“Can you both just shut up!” Haru called out!

“No!” Nip and Umbra yelled in unison.

Nip: "In case you didn't notice, we were in the middle of a mutual backstory moment here!" >:|
Haru: "Nip, are you seriously arguing about this when Umbra's about to rip your throat out?!" >.<

“You can’t expect me to be calm when she’s just making excuses to hurt me like she always has!”

“You expect me to be calm when Nip is telling lies to try and get you on his side?”

Haru growled, shaking rage seeping into her tone. “I’ve had enough nonsense! I’ve been dragged out here twice in two days, to hunt down you—” she paused to angrily gesture her head towards Nip “—And then I’ve been bitten, burned, clawed at, and chased in the process. And you, Umbra! You attacked us for no good reason yesterday! Why should I trust anything you say? No. We are all going back to the village and getting an explanation. Do I make myself clear?”

Not that these two didn't need a firm dope slap, but you should probably hope that Anu shows up right about now, Haru. Since... yeah, I don't think you're going to be able to win this one by throwing your weight around. ^^;

Neither of the two other pokemon said anything, instead staring blankly at the enraged bidoof.

“That’s right, they’re over this way.”

Haru turned her head back towards the voice. A few seconds later, Anu emerged from the fog, Shimmer’s hand in his paw and with Essra resting on his head. The espurr hopped off his head, and dove head-first into the pit, slowing her descent with psychic once she was close enough to see Haru.

Well that was certainly a timely save there. I can already hear Umbra screaming internally right about now that she got her justice and chance to fulfill her supposed contract with Jhorlo denied by stopping to banter with some village kid.

“Sorry we took so long, everyone,” she announced, dipping her head to Haru and then to Umbra. “Thank you for holding on to the criminal, Miss Umbra, let me get you back up to the top, then Anu can take over.”

"I can hold on to him just fine!" Umbra snapped.

Haru: "Yeah, no. Anu, take over and hold onto Nip here."
Anu: "... Do I want to know why you're suddenly this pushy and insistent, Haru-?" ._.
Haru: "Anu, it's for a good reason, okay? Just hold onto Nip and don't let Umbra hold onto him. Especially while you're not looking." >_>;

"I'm sure you can miss, but if you have an issue, you have to take it up with the boss." As the espurr spoke, she brushed a paw up against Umbra. a few seconds passed before a soft blue hue overtook the mawile.

Essra squinted her eyes shut, using a great deal of concentration to keep the steel-type within her psychic hold. She raised a single paw and, after a second, the mawile was raised into the air and up to the edge of the crater, Nip still held in her grip.

Umbra: "This is demeaning and degrading!" >///<
Essra: "You're the one who doesn't want to let go of him, just saying."
:EspurrShrug:


She turned her attention to the fletchinder next, carefully raising him out of the crater and depositing him in front of Shimmer, who then took over the psychic hold.

“Um…” Haru began, her brow furrowing. “Why are you taking him?”

The espurr turned to look at Haru, raising a paw. “Anu said he attacked you, right?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“That’s why. They’re taking in the wildeners that started the fight in for questioning. The seviper and steenee at least. The teddiursa is just a kid, and we wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of an angry mother ursaring.

I see that Bruxi was onto something about Theran Villager's Pokémon being a bit cowardly, since... yeah. Going "erm... not that one" for who you try to drag into your justice system does feel a bit underhanded and opportunistic.

Clearly the solution for Wildeners in this setting is to all hide behind a handful of ultra-strong individuals that can intimidate villages into backing off and not attempting to enforce sentencing over spats like this.

“I guess that’s fair enough,” Haru mumbled, stiffening as she felt psychic energy grip her muscles, lifting her into the air and back up onto solid ground. Essra floated back over the edge just a moment later.

Now that she was up close, Haru could see that Shimmer had not escaped the battle against the wildeners unscathed. There was no serious damage, but several lacerations lined her arms and torso, the small cuts staining her short, fuzzy, white fur red. Otherwise, however, she looked okay.

Haru: "(How on earth did Shimmer manage to get out of being in a Monster House better off than me?)" >_>;

The group made their way back to the clearing where the fight had first broken out. Several unconscious pokemon were sprawled out in the grass, and the few that were still awake were hiding in the grass on the fringes, licking at their wounds.

Whisper had arrived by now and had gotten straight to work organizing things. The seviper had been draped over Romi’s back, the rapidash pacing anxiously back and forth. At the moment, Whisper and a roserade were helping hoist the steenee onto Vale’s back.

Not even gonna attempt to restrain those Wildeners in case they wake up, huh? I mean, if they can be sure they won't wake up quickly, it works well enough, but... ^^;

Jaques, Lotte, and Muse were to the side, Jaques holding a slice of a pecha berry up against a nasty bite in Muse’s shoulder while the absol ate a second one. Besides the nasty bite, one of her eyes had swollen nearly shut. The two purrloin looked not much better, with cuts along their backs and one nasty slice along Lotte’s flank.

😬

I see that that fight with the Seviper didn't turn out so hot for Muse there.

The hawlucha turned her attention towards the arriving party. “Anu, there you are.” She paused, crossing her arms as she looked over Haru and Umbra. “Good, it looks like there’s no serious injury, other than Muse’s bite.

Oh, so the serious injury is the one that was also poisonous. That's just fantastic luck there.
:fearfullaugh~1:


As she locked eyes with the sneasel still in Umbra’s grip, she narrowed her eyes, before returning her attention to the roserade beside her. “Roselei,” Whisper started, her voice firm, “go help Umbra out and take the prisoner.”

The mawile took a step back, speaking in an annoyed rumble. “Why does everyone insist on treating me like a newborn. I can take care of holding him just fine.”

Haru: "You tried to kill him less than two minutes ago!" >.<
Umbra: "I'd like to point out that exactly nobody said that I had to hold him alive..."

The hawlucha looked Umbra over. Out of all the pokemon that had been involved in the fight, she was the least injured, with nothing more than a few scrapes and a single cut.

“I’m sure you can,” Whisper replied flatly. “But I still want those wounds looked at. You’ll go with the others to the infirmary to get your injuries treated. Don’t worry, we won’t be passing any judgement without you.”

"Why don't I just take care of things myself? I don't have to follow your rules."

"Because if you don't," Whisper said in a frustrated growl, "I'll lock you up for your attack on village Pokemon yesterday. I don't have time to deal with your tantrum."

Umbra: "That... sounds like a good reason to follow your rules, yes. (Also, isn't this double jeopardy? What sort of backwards tribe has that as part of its legal system?)" ._.;

Umbra opened her mouth to protest but thought better of it and closed it again. “Fine. Do make it quick though.”

The roserade approached Umbra with an unreadable expression on her face. Thick, thorny vines unraveled from underneath her flowers as she waited silently for the mawile to open her jaw. Once the teeth were just loose enough that she could slip a vine in, she snaked the vines inside with just a bit of concentration, wrapping them tightly around the sneasel so that his arms were bound to his sides. Only then did Umbra let go entirely.

“You may want to bind his mouth, by the way,” Umbra said, turning away. “He has nasty icy wind and ice shard attacks that he might spit at you otherwise.”

“Fair point,” Roselei agreed. The vines snaked just a bit further out, reaching up to wrap around his snout.

Umbra: "Also, just saying, but if you were to wrap some of those vines around his throat and squeeze ever so firmly-"
Haru: "Umbra, Nip's going to face trial in our town alive, alright?" >:|
Umbra: "... Fine. I don't understand why on earth your 'village' insists on dragging out the inevitable like this, though!" >_>;

“How dare you say that! You just don’t want me to ta-” The sneasel let out a yelp as thorns dug into his face, but it cut off as his mouth was forced shut, turning into a pained whine as he was dragged to his feet.

I mean, both reasons can be valid. Since I don't think Roselei wants to be Icy Winded, just saying.
:joltyshrug~1:


Satisfied, Whisper turned to her mate. "There should be two more teams coming though later. Will you and Essra wait here for them to let them know we're done?"

The lucario bowed his head. "Of course, dear. We'll meet you in the village."

"Thank you." She turned her attention to the remainder of the Pokemon. "We will be returning to the village now. Those that are injured should go to Lecha's when we get there. The rest take the wildeners to the guard hut for questioning."

Wew. Not even getting medical attention, huh? Not sure if that was a deliberate dichotomy or not, but it's something that I noticed for the way villagers and those Wildeners were dealt with.

She paused to look over to Shimmer. "I apologize, but do you mind taking the fletchinder over for us? Vale and Romi are the only ones big enough to carry him, and both of them are preoccupied."

"Of course, I can," the kirlia said, waving a hand dismissively. The movement also caused the unconscious fletchinder to move.

He's really out of it, Haru thought to herself as Shimmer passed her by. Weird. Both Umbra and Nip woke up pretty fast. Is he okay?

I mean, if you have to ask the question, Haru...

She was jostled out of her thoughts by Whisper's voice. "Alright everyone, move out!" The

Hawlucha leapt forward to take the lead. Romi and Vale followed next, carefully balancing the wildeners on their backs. Roselei followed next, half leading, half dragging Nip. Umbra wouldn't stray far from the sneasel, practically looming over him, despite her smaller stature.

I can already see all the transparent excuses this Mawile was slinging around trying to get the rest of the villagers to leave her and Nip unattended for all of a minute on the way back.
:loltias:


Shimmer and the fletchinder, Haru, Muse, Jaques, and Lotte all followed behind in a loose group at the rear. They made their way in a straight line - or as straight as they could while dodging craters - heading through the fog until they reached an area where the trees and fog seemed to grow thicker. And then they continued further still, until the fog grew so thick that Haru could barely see the pokemon in front of her.

But then the fog began to clear, and it began to grow warmer, the crisp, cool autumn air replaced with humid summer heat. They found themselves back in the forest outside Sunglow Thicket. A small group of pokemon – a quagsire, a pidove, and flaffy – charged forward at first, ready to strike at the pokemon that exited. But once they caught sight of Whisper, they stopped short. And when they saw the captured Nip, they broke out into excited chatter, the pidove taking off back towards the village to let everyone know the good news.

... Maybe there is dungeon fog in this setting after all. Dunno if that's how that works there, or if that's just a quirk of how Sunglow Thicket's stable zone links to the outside world, but I definitely recognize that progression for getting in and out of a MD.

Haru spent much of the journey in silence, even as the Pokemon around her talked. Some were excited. She caught Muse asking Jaques and Lotte why they were there but did not catch the purrloins' answer. The fletchinder woke up at some point, squawking obscenities as he struggled to pull loose from Shimmer’s psychic hold. A few quick strikes from the two purloin and Muse were enough to subdue him.

So how "exact words" were Jaques and Lotte's answer there given that Jhorlo very obviously sent them along to make sure that Umbra delivered on her end of his contract with her? :V

But Haru’s mind was otherwise occupied. She should be excited. They captured Nip! And soon he’d be punished and exiled or else locked up and she could put this whole mess behind her.

Again:
Image


But as they continued their march towards the village, she found herself dwelling on his panicked cries from back in the crater. Her mind drifted to questions she could not easily answer. If he was sent away with Umbra, would the mawile kill him? Should she really care? Were his panicked ramblings only words to try and garner sympathy to get himself out of trouble and get her on his side? Or was there really something fishy going on between him and Umbra?

Whatever the answers may have been, Haru did know one thing. Lies or not, she needed to know what Nip claimed was going on with Umbra. Only then could she answer those questions for herself.

Well, good thing you get those in like a chapter or two, huh?

Onto the postmortem:

Alright, so first and foremost, I liked how the chapter was the big payoff to whole arc of Nip yoinking Whisper's egg, and we finally get a resolution on that front, as well as several hints that all is not as it seems regarding the story behind Nip and Umbra. I also liked the subtle hints worked in here and there with the interactions of the Wildeners to indicate that Bruxi's motive rant last chapter had a kernel of truth to it, and it definitely made some sections read a bit differently than I recalled them reading the first time around especially in light of knowing that if my memory serves me right, those Wildeners that got drug to the guard hut all got killed and passed off as carrion in the following chapters.

As for things that I didn't like. There were a couple of places where I felt like the description was a bit light or else didn't tee up things as well as it could've. I think that the one structural thing that didn't occur to me until taking another look towards the end was that the second scene felt a bit long and like it drug on a bit. Since you have a dungeon crawling sequence, a sequence searching the stable zone, the Monster House fight, and then the standoff with Umbra plus the denouement. I kinda wonder if it'd have made sense to hack the dungeon crawling sequence off into its own thing, since it feels relatively disconnected from the rest, and the paragraphs that link it to the rest of the scene honestly feel time-skippy enough that you could've put a hard separator in without missing a beat:

The crew sat off in an apprehensive silence, making their way through the forest of perpetual autumn with their goal in mind. No one dared speak, for fear of drawing unwanted attention when so close to their goal.

<><><>

How long they spent in the fifth zone was unclear; Only the passage of twisting paths and thousands of fallen leaves to showed that they were making any progress at all.

But after what felt like forever, the end was in sight. Shimmer was the first to spot the distorted break in the undergrowth, more half dozen clearings later.

Some food for thought, anyways. But on the whole, I thought that the chapter was well done. And it was quite the trip to go back and see the little details here and there that I didn't pick up on from the story the first time around, including a few that in retrospect should've teed off my warning bells a bit more that "something's not quite right" about Theran Village.

Kudos on the chapter, @windskull . And I'll be looking forward to reviewing another one as part of this series in the near future, since for all the egg memes, you've made a really charming story.
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, originally wanted to get this up a couple days ago, but had been a bit tight on time and energy. Figured that was as good a reason as any to take another bite at the apple and push out a fresh bump of my review series:

Chapter 9

"Ouch! That stings!"

Lecha clucked her tongue and shook her head as she looked over the injured bidoof. She continued to carefully wipe away dirt and grime from Haru's cuts with a damp cloth, ignoring Haru as she winced and squirmed.

"I told you not to go back to the dungeon," Lecha chided. "And what did you do? Go back to the dungeon. You have no one to blame but yourself."

Haru: "No, I'm pretty sure that this is Umbra's fault for kicking off an avoidable fight with a Monster House." >_>;
Lecha: "... Which you wouldn't have been there for had you not gone back to the dungeon."

Haru groaned, sifting slightly in the nest. "It's not like I wanted to be there."
Lecha: "Yes, that's why you went back to the dungeon. Totally makes sense there."
:sceptical:

Haru: "Look, it was literally just because Umbra was up to something super shady with Nip and we wanted to make sure he'd actually get brought to justice, okay?" >_>;
Lecha: "That's just wanting to be in the dungeon for other reasons."

"Yes, yes, you've already told me. Now hold still and let me get a look at your head there."

Her gaze shifted to the side as Lecha moved around her, catching a glance of Muse out of the corner of her eye. The absol was laying down with her eyes closed, her shoulder heavily wrapped in a pecha-soaked cloth bandage. Shimmer had draped herself against the absol's side, small pulses of healing energy passing from her hands on occasion. Jaques and Lotte had left shortly after their treatment was finished, speaking in low voices as they headed back to meet up with Jhorlo.
Ah yes, I'm sure their boss will be ecstatic to hear about how well Umbra's job went in Sunglow Thicket.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Umbra paced at the edge of the room, her minor cuts already treated with a couple oran berries from Twi. The illumise in question was on the far side of the room, humming as they worked on washing out the used rags.

"Why is it taking so long for them to get back?" she caught the mawile grumbling. "They better not do anything without me."

Haru: "Better question: why is she in the same room as us and Toshi?" >_>;
Umbra: "You realize that your 'village' only has one room in its medic's hut, right?" >:|
Haru: "That doesn't mean that this is okay!" >.<

Behind her, she heard Toshi grumble something inaudible. Her thoughts cut off as Lecha's released a wave of healing energy from her palm, easing her pain and relaxing her tense muscles.

Lecha finally stepped back. "Alright, dear, get yourself an oran berry from Twi, then you're good to go.” Her gaze hardened. “But be careful. No strenuous activity for two days. And keep those cuts clean. Understand?"

Image


I mean, if I remember my plot right, Haru actually listens this time around. But you'd think that Lecha would be a bit more wary or
:unamusedwott:
over Haru's fantastic track record of listening to her over the past couple days.

Haru groaned, rolling her eyes. "I understand. Nothing but stripping bark the next couple days. Got it."

The aromatisse gave her a pointed look. "Alright, off you go then."
Scratch that about Haru actually listening to Lecha.
:loltias:


She turned her attention to Shimmer and her guard. "Muse can leave too, so long as you don't ride on her back, Shimmer. Give that bite time to heal. And Toshi… If you want to go out to the square to participate in the sneasel's judgement, I'll allow it, but come straight back afterwards, understand?"

Toshi hopped up immediately, then paused with a wince. "Finally, some fresh air! I-I mean… Y-yeah, I got it. Thanks, Lecha."
Haru: "Uh... Toshi, are you sure that you're feeling well enough to-" ._.
Toshi: "Haru, I'm not missing something this plot important to the story, okay? It's the trial of the generation for this town!"
Haru: "That's... not saying a whole lot, really." ^^;

"What kinda punishment are they gonna do? You think they're going to behead him?" Twi interjected in a lighthearted tone without looking back.

"Excuse me?" Lecha squeaked, before growing more serious in tone. "Don't even joke about that. Where did you ever get such an idea?"

I mean, considering what Theran Village is established to be up to with Wildeners behind the scenes, I honestly wouldn't be shocked if they did have beheading on the books. It just feels really on-brand for its "bucolic village with a dark secret" vibe.
:fearfullaugh~1:


The illumise finally turned. "My dad told me we used to do that here."
... I completely forgot about this part. But you can't say that it's not on-brand for the town. ^^;

Lecha closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "That was many, many years ago. Generations ago. When the woods were wilder and pokemon were less civilized. Besides, you don't really want to see a beheading, dear. Trust me."
Oh, so Lecha has seen an honest-to-goodness beheading. That's... a wonderful mental image there. Though I wonder how long ago that ways given that she says it was 'generations' ago.

Twi tilted their head. "Have you seen one, Lecha?"

"No, fortunately, but I have seen some nasty injuries in my years, including loss of limbs. Those are bad enough."
Oh. Right. She didn't. Though I guess dismemberment would already give you a decent idea of what to expect on that front. ^^;

"You wouldn't see one anyways," Haru said. "Usually even unincorporated villages ship their worst criminals off to the Enforcers Union. They handle any executions these days. And those are only done behind closed doors."
That... totally doesn't sound sketchy and ripe for abuse at all given that the village gets to determine what their 'worst criminals' are. Also, everything that has been mentioned about the Enforcers Union in this story from what I could remember made them sound extremely untrustworthy.

Satisfied with her explanation, she stood and stretched, then turned to Toshi. "Are you ready to go then?"

Toshi carefully stepped out of the straw bed and gave himself a look over. "As I'm gonna be. I don't really care too much to go but… I guess I want answers is all."

"You and me both," Haru agreed. [ ] "Simmer, Muse, you two coming?"

"'Course we are! Muse, let’s escort my Toshi-kins."

"I don’t need an escort," the bidoof mumbled while Shimmer shook Muse awake. He made no further argument, though.
Kinda wonder if there should've been some body language or the like to more explicitly turn to Shimmer and Muse to sell the idea that Haru's changing the object of her attention. Dunno if it'd work better as an embedded thing or its own paragraph, but it's something to consider.

Muse lifted her head, then stood and shook, sending stray bits of hay in all directions. She winced as pain flared up in her shoulder, but pushed through it and took the lead, walking beside Shimmer down the hall. Haru let Toshi walk in front of her so that she could keep an eye on him, watching his slow, careful movements. As she walked through the hall into the lobby, she heard footsteps patter behind her. Stealing a glance back, she caught sight of Umbra following behind.

"I'm not going to stand around and wait any longer, if even all of you can go," she growled when she caught sight of Haru staring back.
Haru: "Pls no."
:uhhh:

Umbra: "Look, I have a vested interest in making sure that that scoundrel Nip gets what he's got coming to him. I'm not going to miss this for the world." >:|

Haru elected to ignore the statement, turning her attention back to her brother as they exited the building.

The majority of the village pokemon had already gathered just outside of the square, waiting around the small building the town guard operated out of. And yet, Nip, Roselei, and Whisper were nowhere to be seen.
Haru: "I mean, Whisper I can get, since I'm pretty sure that we've all put two and two together that Nip ate her egg and she probably needs a moment to cry things out. But Roselei and Nip not being here is... concerning." .-.

Umbra ran ahead of the beaten and battered group, pushing her way through the crowd to try and get into the building. Vale and Romi blocked the entrance, however, barring all pokemon from entry. The bidoof pushed herself to walk a little faster and tried to weave between the crowd to get a better look.

"Move aside!" Haru caught Umbra snapping at the manetric and rapidash. "He’s my problem. I should be involved in whatever is going on."

Image


I see diplomacy really is Umbra's dump stat. Or at least one of them anyways.

"Relax," Vale growled, sending a couple warning sparks in Umbra’s direction. "They're just questioning the wildeners. They'll bring the sneasel out when they're done so he can make his claims and face judgement."
Ah yes, """questioning""". I forget whether or not Vale kills them off there, or does it out in the woods, but that line certainly reads differently in the second go-around.

Umbra snarled, but clenched her fists and turned away, beginning to restlessly pace again.

Soon after, the seviper and steenee emerged from the hut, flanked on either side by the quagsire and flaaffy that had been waiting outside the dungeon. The fletchinder followed shortly after.

As he looked over the crowd, the fletchinder caught sight of Haru and let out an angry squawk, opening his wings as if to attack. But a weak jolt of electricity from the flaaffy stopped him.
Haru: "Stars, is that 'mon still mad about that Wonder Orb?"
Blais: "Yes I am-"
- Flaaffy shocks Blais again -
Flaaffy: "Sorry, needed to put a bit more juice behind things to shut him up."

"Let them through," the quagsire called out. "They've been cleared to visit Lecha for healing, then they'll be returning to where they came."

:fearfullaugh~1:
Uhm... yeah, about that...


Slowly, almost hesitantly, the crowd parted, letting the three wildeners through with distrusting looks. The steenee and serviper, in turn, did little to counteract the anger and distrust, glowering right back. The fletchinder, however, took one cautious hop before taking to the sky. "Forget this. I have family to get back to." Soon, he was only a speck in the distance.
Well, they got to go home at least... before Vale brought them back in his... particular fashion.

A few minutes of tense chatter passed, the villagers milling around anxiously as they waited for any sort of news from inside. Enough time passed that the quagsire and flaaffy returned, this time without the Wildeners. Lecha joined the crowd shortly afterwards. Finally, however, their patience was rewarded.

Roselei came out first, stretching in the afternoon sunlight before moving over to meet up with Ruffle on the side. She rubbed her flowers together, her gaze shifting to the doorway as she mumbled something about ice types. In response, Ruffle brushed her hand against one of the roserade's flowers, pulling it down to hold onto at her side.

Another moment passed and Anu emerged, having returned by now from the mystery dungeon. In his paws was a stack of parchment, a piece of charcoal balanced on top. Essra came next, her eyes glowing with psychic energy. Then he appeared.

Nip's forepaws had been bound together by a thick rope that glowed with the same psychic energy that glinted in the espurr’s eyes, dragging him out of the hut as he tried to keep on his feet. The crowd broke out into a cacophony of sound ranging from nervous whispers to jeers at the expense of the sneasel. Once he had been brought in front of Anu, Essra cut the psychic connection. Nip stumbled. As soon as he found his balance, his ear folded back against his skull. His eyes narrowed to slits as he faced the angry crowd.
Haru: "You know Nip, if you express penance, that tends to help for gathering sympathy." >_>;
Nip: "Oh come off of that! I'm literally being drug through a sham trial right now!" >.<
Muse: "I'm not sure if it's possible to hold a sham trial for you given that your case is almost as open-and-shut as they come."
:absus:


Finally, Whisper emerged with Jhorlo beside her, the two conversing in serious, hushed voices. Haru strained, leaning forward in an attempt to catch what they were saying, though she could only make out snippets.

Whisper spoke first. "You know I respect your leadership and your thoughts, but… with a trial… I more than anyone… can't do that."

"I understand your hesitations," came Jhorlo's reply. "But… perfectly reasonable… we know that he… nothing this serious in nearly a decade… have a good reason to…"

I wonder if that’s actually just a throwaway detail, or if that’ll wind up becoming plot important one day. I didn’t quite notice that little blurb originally, but on a second glance, it caught my eye.

"Even so, that's... responsibility. Punishment of that… handled by the Enforcers…" Finally, Jhorlo was close enough that she could hear his words clearly. "And we don't have an Enforcer's branch here. It would take far long for any to arrive, too. We'll have to make our own decisions."
... The fact that Jhorlo's talking about trying to dodge handing Nip over to the Enforcers is definitely a bad sign if I ever heard it. Guess he really wants his Sneasel meat, huh?
:fearfullaugh~1:


"In that case, we'll take a vote after we hear his story, as we usually would," Whisper replied curtly. She shot Nip an unreadable glance. “As horrible as this is, we can’t just skip our normal processes altogether. We are not wildeners. We don’t kill first and ask questions later.” Then she turned away, taking a few steps to stand beside Anu. She scowled at the sneasel but said nothing more for the moment.

Jhorlo turned to take a seat on the other side, his expression unreadable.
Well, more accurately you don't, Whisper. But I can think of a few locals that are hard exceptions to that rule.

Haru considered the snippets of conversation, her mind drifting back to the conversation in Lecha's clinic. Were they actually considering an execution? On one hand, she thought for a crime this serious, it was certainly reasonable to consider it. On the other hand, Whisper had more reason than anyone else to call for an execution, and even she seemed against it.

Toshi: "... Wait, but doesn't the Enforcer's Union also hand down executions, Haru?" .-.
Haru: "I don't believe it's ever explicitly stated that they do that. Or at least not in a way that we'd know the answer to that question yet."

Anu stepped forward, raising a paw to call for silence in the crowd. A moment passed as the clamor died down, pokemon nudging and shushing each other into silence once they noticed the lucario. Only after everyone grew silent did he begin to speak, clearing his throat.

We…We have… gathered..." He hesitated, cleared his throat again, and continued, choosing his words carefully. "Apologies, I am… not the best at speaking to crowds, as you all know. And this situation is… not easy for me, to say the least. I am sure you are all gathered today to bear witness to the trial and sentencing of this sneasel."
Anu's bit is a very
:sadwott~1:
mood, since it's very easy to imagine him doing this while visibly trying to choke back tears since he almost certainly found out about the fate of his unborn child by now.

"We already know he's guilty!" shouted the flaaffy from the back of the crowd. "Get on with it!"

"I understand your feelings," Whisper said tersely, "but our laws dictate that we give accused pokemon a chance to defend themselves."
Wew, you wouldn't expect a sheep to be the bloodthirsty type, but that's certainly quite the impression there.
Anu turned his head to give Whisper a grateful glance. "Ahem, right. Let me, let us review the story so far." He paused to look down at the parchment. "Three days ago, this sneasel, Nip, was caught in the act of egg theft and was chased out of town, fleeing into Sunglow Thicket with the egg. There are… Three crimes were known to be committed, other than evading arrest and assaulting a guard. Our e-"

He cut off and took a deep breath. "An egg was stolen from the nursery, along with a bag and a handful of supplies from Lecha's clinic. This bag was fortunately recovered, though the egg… He also assaulted a child in the nursery, as brave Aves tried to stop him."
Toshi: "Poor Anu. I'm surprised he's keeping his composure this well at the moment." ._.
Haru: "Uh... yeah, I'll have to give him props for not just turning Nip into a piñata right here and now-"
Nip: "I'm right here, you know!" >_>;

Anu turned to address the sneasel directly. "Do you deny any of these claims?"

"I…" Nip hesitated, eyes darting to look towards the lucario, then back to the crowd. He lowered his head slightly. "I would argue it wasn't 'assault,' but rather 'defending myself'... I… think they attacked first."
Nip, this is more or less the textbook example of a wrong answer. The correct one is "I would like to speak with my lawyer" precisely so that way you can have someone whose job is to try and play devil's advocate make these sorts of arguments on your behalf.

The lucario glanced over to Whisper with a pleading expression. She let out a sigh before stepping forward, speaking up in a much clearer voice. "You ‘think’? How do you not know” Nip said nothing, so she continued. “So, you contest the assault?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

Because it's a charge that you're very obviously going to lose on since you were trespassing to begin with and a huge swath of jurisdictions treat that as justifiable cause for physically attacking the intruder?

Like surely you'd know that's a losing gambit from your baseline expectations of how things work up north, Nip.
:joltyshrug~1:


"Fine. What about the other accusations?"

Nip sucked in a breath, tensing. He stayed like that for a moment, prompting the crowd to break into hushed whispers. Haru caught herself leaning forward, breath bated as she waited for his response. Would he tell the truth? Or dig himself into a deeper hole?

Finally, though, he turned his head slightly away, ear and ear feather pressing back against his skull. "I… guess not…"
Haru: "Whelp. He's a goner."
Muse: "I... wouldn't be so sure about that, Haru. Since I'm pretty sure the sentence needs to be decided by a jury."
Shimmer: "Yeah, Toshi-kins and I deserve to have a say in this too! We were the ones who took battle scars helping to bring Nip to justice!"

"See he admits it!" the flaaffy bleated above the crowd as a wave of murmurs broke out.

"I told you he was up to know good."

"That's why I never help strangers."

"Oh, don't get so high and mighty just because you're selfish."
Those last two lines made me chortle. A nice bit of humor dropped into what's otherwise a very grave situation.

"Settle down!" Whisper barked, waving a wing towards the murmuring pokemon. The crowd quickly fell silent, spooked by the lead guard's harsh and commanding tone.
... Not sure how I forgot about that detail, but boy does Nip know how to pick the Pokémon he gets on the bad side of, since wronging the head guard of a village would be a recipe for problems if Whisper was less by-the-book.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Satisfied, she turned her attention back to the sneasel, narrowing her eyes. Her tone shifted ever so slightly, a hint of danger under the command. "I'm only going to ask this once… why?"

Shrinking back from the fighting type’s thinly veiled threat, Nip was slow to reply. "Well... it just… seemed like a good idea- no, it was a poor decision even then… but it seemed like my best option at the time."
Haru: "Nip, if you're desperately trying to save your hide, you're supposed to plead insanity, not idiocy." >_>;
Nip: "Shut up, it really was the best option I could think of back then!" >.<
Whisper: "Sounds like an admission you weren't really thinking if I ever heard it."
:absus:


"You better explain before I-" she cut herself off, steadied her tone, and started over again. "Just… Explain."
Yeah, I'd start losing my cool too if I got an explanation like that for how my unborn child got eaten. ^^;

Nip's gaze shifted to the mawile just a few feet away from him, eyes fixating on the dangerous set of jaws just waiting to snap him up. "I was… hungry. And I was in a hurry. Not thinking clearly. Trying to think of the fastest way out of town that would also give me something to eat. In hindsight, perhaps I should have gone… elsewhere. But at the moment, I thought that the nursery was the closest and least guarded place I could go."
Whisper:
:AngrySlink:

Haru: "... Nip, I'm pretty sure you're digging your grave in live-time with this testimony here. I'd suggest you ask for a lawyer, but I'm not sure if we have any in this village, let alone ones who would be willing to represent you." >_>;

"And why exactly were you so keen on leaving so quickly, and so okay stealing an – stealing a child– from a village that had taken you in, saved your life and offered you shelter?"

Anu stepped forward, placing a paw on the hawlucha's shoulder. "Dear… isn't that kind of a loaded question?"

Whisper pulled away ever so slightly, clenching and unclenching her claws. "Well he can still answer it, can't he?"
Nip: "Have- Have I really been doing that bad of a job with my testimony thus far? I was giving truthful answers!" 😰
All: "Yes."

"Let me take this one, Whisper. I know this is hard on you. It's hard on me too. But take a second to calm down." Anu turned his head to Nip. “Answer the question, please.”

Nip jerked his head in the direction of Umbra. "I think you already have that answer. Because I knew she was nearby."

He turned his attention to Nip "So… Why were you so keen on getting away from her?"

"Because she wants to kill me!"

Haru:
Image

Anu: "Haru, please refrain from making unsolicited comments from the audience right now. This is a trial. We need to have some degree of professionalism." >_>;
Whisper: "No, no, dear. I think she was onto something there."

Haru, as well as a few other villagers, turned to look at Umbra. The mawile raised a hand in front of her and closed her eyes. "I only plan to carry out a reasonable punishment for the type of crime he committed," she responded curtly. "If that means death, then so be it."

"A reasonable punishment? Yeah right. I don’t know what kind of lies you’ve told, how you’ve spun the story, but this has all been about your ego! You're only here because of our personal squabble, aren't you? That's why they sent you of all pokemon after me!"
- Umbra's eye twitches -
Umbra: "YOU MURDERED A BUNCH OF KIDS IN A NURSERY!"
Muse: "Eaaaasy there, Mawile. Now that you might not have reasons for getting upset, but let's not spoil too much of the reveal for everyone else here."
:joltyshrug~1:


Umbra scoffed. "You're reaching, Nip. And jumping to conclusions. Typical."

"Enough!"

Whisper moved forward to stand between the two bickering pokemon, shooting each of them a dangerous glare. "Both of you. Calm down."
Whisper: "Really, we'll get to your grievances too in a bit, Umbra. Stop trying to sequence break there."

She turned her attention to Nip, ignoring the look Umbra was giving her. "Let me get the story straight. Umbra claims to be tracking you down because you attacked their nursery. Is this correct?"

A long pause stretched out as Nip stared at the hawlucha. He turned his head away a moment later, ear and tail drooping. "It was… a very poor lapse of judgement. After seasons of strife with my tribe, all of my anger and frustration spilled over. At the time, I felt like I was saving those poor souls from a life of restriction and suffering. By the time it occurred to me that there were better ways of doing that, I'd already gone through with it."
All: "..."
:uhhh:

Umbra: "Yes, Nip. Please do go on about how you 'saved those poor souls'. I'm sure everyone here would just love to hear how you did that." >:|

Uneasy murmurs broke out into the crowd. Whisper gave Anu a look and began to speak in an urgent tone.

"What kind of monster thinks like that?" Haru heard the quagsire whisper.

"One that's sick in the head," flaaffy replied.

Haru thought for a moment. She… kind of had to agree with that. Why would anyone ever think killing a pokemon was saving them? She pawed at the ground anxiously. Yet… Something didn't seem right. There were still questions unanswered. Questions that might just make his crazy story make a bit more sense.
Nip: "I... uh... didn't explicitly mention that I'd killed anyone yet?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Shimmer: "You kinda just gave away the game with the 'yet' there. Also, Umbra told us this two chapters ago... and kinda blurted it out loud a couple cutaway gags ago."
Nip: "... Maybe I should've asked for one of those 'lawyer' things." >.<

Haru thought for a moment. She… kind of had to agree with that. Why would anyone ever think killing a pokemon was saving them? She pawed at the ground anxiously. Yet… Something didn't seem right. There were still questions unanswered. Questions that might just make his crazy story make a bit more sense.

"Was it really bad enough to make murder seem reasonable?" She blurted out, perhaps a bit louder than she'd meant to.

At once, everyone nearby turned their eyes to look at her, including Nip, Anu, and Whisper. The flaaffy leaned in towards Haru, perplexed. "Are you trying to defend him?"
Haru: "I... don't think that I am? I'm just saying that we know exactly nothing about the context about how any of this actually happened, so..." ^^;

Haru took a quick step back. "Of course not! I just… Something doesn't add up here. Either there's some part of the story we're missing, or he's completely dangerous and immoral. And…"
Wew. I completely forgot that Haru literally makes that argument right after that last paragraph.

She paused, thinking back to the day she spent taking him around town. Sure, it could have all been a ruse to get on their good side and get everyone to let their guard down. But then again, there were the broken bits of prayer she overheard at the shrine. Had that all been a ruse too?

She turned her attention to Whisper. "Pardon me for speaking out of line but… I'd like to ask something."

The hawlucha tilted her head upwards for a moment. "I suppose we can open up the floor for questions from everyone now. Go ahead."

She dipped her head. "Thank you, Whisper." She turned her attention back to Nip. "So what's the truth? What's your deal? When you first came here, you claimed to be on a pilgrimage. Instead you're a fugitive on the run after a heinous crime. And yet your behavior here from before Umbra showed up doesn't match your behavior after. You say she’s feeding us lies, but you don’t deny any accusations."
Haru: "Also, do be aware that if you answer as badly as you've been doing so far, the town probably really is going to behead you at the rate you've been riling everyone up." >_>;
Nip: "... Yeesh, no pressure." ._.;

Realizing that she had started to ramble on, Haru finally asked her question. "What I'm trying to ask is… Why'd you do it? What made you feel like killing unhatched eggs was doing them mercy? And why are you so certain that Umbra is chasing you for personal reasons?"

Nip frowned, turning his head away with a sour expression. "Umbra was the beginning- the root of my falling out with the tribe. She was supposed to be my mate. Not that she ever treated me like one, let alone an equal."
Haru: "Whelp, guess we're gonna be seeing a beheading after all today. Since that's certainly not going to make you come off as sympathetic to-" >_<
Nip: "Haru, I literally just started explaining myself here!" >.<

Uneasy murmurs broke out in the crowd, pokemon wondering what this could possibly mean for the situation as a whole, or if it could be believed. As Haru turned her head to get a better look at everyone's reaction, it seemed like the only pokemon that might be unfazed by this information were Umbra and Jhorlo. The two were watching Nip, each with an unreadable expression.

"Settle down!" Whisper raised her voice over the clamor, waiting for the crowd to quiet. Once it was silent enough, she turned her attention to Umbra. "Is this true? Are you two mates?"

"We were," Umbra clarified. "Obviously that was considered null and void after what he did."
Shimmer: "... Wait, what on earth was your love life like if you drove your mate to commit mass murder in a nursery?" .-.
Umbra: "Are you seriously taking his side right now, Kirlia?!" >.<

"It should have been ended a long time ago!" Nip snapped. As he continued, his voice began to waver. "How many times? How many times did you throw me out of our den because you wanted nothing to do with me? How many times did I ask the elders to reconsider our arrangement because you were too proud to, before things took a turn for the worse?"

Nip turned his attention to the crowd. For a second, he locked eyes with Haru before addressing everyone else. "You want to know why I felt I was saving pokemon from suffering? Because of what I suffered through: seasons of struggling to better my place in the tribe before the pairing ceremony, only to be assigned a mate that hated me! Whenever I went for advice or help, saying that we failed to get along, I was told they would work things out. But they never did. And then? And then that's not even the worst part!

"They wanted to know why we hadn't produced an egg. They wanted proof we weren't infertile. And if one of us was… if I was, I refused to lose everything I worked towards in such a humiliating way. So, I decided to lose everything on my own terms: by leaving. But not before preventing the next generation from suffering the way I did. Was it a poor decision? Maybe so. But at least Yveltal would watch over them in the afterlife."
I'm... not sure if Nip has fully laid out a coherent case for why this would drive a 'mon to mass murder there. Since if I'm remembering my details of how Nip's tribe works correctly, there's a whole additional angle of Nip's tribe taking eggs, including via straight-up snatching from wildeners, and rearing them communally without knowing their proper parents as their own that isn't touched on that would probably move the needle a bit more with the audience in this sequence since his argument is basically 'I got stuck in a sucky arranged marriage, so I decided to save the kids from having to endure the same'.

Several pokemon murmured uneasily amongst themselves as Nip's words hung in the air. Certainly, that explained a lot of his history, as well as the hostility between himself and Umbra. But was it enough reason to change how he would be judged? Even if it was an explanation for what he did to the tribe, it wasn't an excuse. And it certainly did not excuse what he did to them.
Haru: "Nip, are you seriously expecting others to take your side because you had a bad love life?" >_>;
Nip: "It's more than that, Bidoof..."

Muse's voice raised above the chatter. "There's something I would like clarified, please."

Most of the talking died away, pokemon turning their attention to the absol on the edge of the crowd. She shrank back nervously at the attention, but an encouraging pat from Shimmer helped her find her courage again.

"When you talk about how badly you and Umbra got along, why did you end up with her in the first place?"

"Yeah," a diggersby from the back of the crowd said. "Why'd you guys even become mates if you hated each other so much?"
Nip: "I thought that it was already really clear that Umbra and I were paired against our wills." >_>;
Muse: "Well, yeah. I'm asking for a story behind that, since you'd think that the 'mons who arranged your pairing would've known better."

Nip scowled. "I thought I made that clear. Neither of us had a choice. Mate pairings are chosen by the tribe elders based on three things: egg compatibility, expected tribe standings, and personality. The first two have the most bearing, as the reason for choosing mates for pokemon was to ensure the healthiest offspring for the survival and wellbeing of the tribe. New mates are expected to produce at least one egg by their second warm season together. Do you understand what that means?"

Haru took a guess, anxiety twisting her stomach into knots. "That you two were together for two cycles before you, er... left?'

Nip let out a grunt, shifting his bound arms uncomfortably. "More or less. Can you imagine what it's like, spending so long being treated as inferior, only to be told that you're expected to get along and produce offspring or else lose the spot in society you spent your adolescent years fighting to reach?"

No one had anything to say to that. At most, a couple of pokemon shifted uncomfortably.
Haru: "... I mean, on one level, no. But how on earth is that an argument for killing unborn children?" >_>;
Nip: "Because what sort of life is it when you literally have no control over your fate and have to grin and accept whatever lot is handed to you or else get discarded by society?! What sort of sick excuse of a 'life' is that?!"

Nip narrowed his eyes, took a deep breath, and put on his best pleading expression. "That's why I'm begging you to let me go. I didn’t want things to turn out this way. I don't want to stay around and cause any more trouble. I just want a second chance at living. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Not technically, Haru thought to herself, but just letting you go after everything you've done? How do we know you won't just do the same thing to the next village you come across? This was your second chance, and you blew it!
Haru: "Nip, this would've meant a whole lot more if you'd brought this up before you killed and ate Whisper's unborn child." >.<
Nip: "Look, we've already established that I made bad decisions, alright? I don't exactly have a time machine here to undo them." >_>;
Fortunately, she didn't have to come up with an answer, as Umbra spoke up in a sharp tone.

"Your reasons don't change the fact that you committed crimes!"

Several other pokemon murmured in agreement, sending a ripple through the crowd as they discussed the matter. Anu and Whisper spoke together in hushed voices, then moved over to speak to Jhorlo. Vale and Romi both approached the group as well. Haru could not make out what they were saying, but she could see that Vale in particular seemed displeased, a scowl on his face. Jhorlo looked perhaps a bit annoyed, but otherwise seemed as neutral as he had before.
Can't tell if that's because Vale is genuinely displeased with this argument here, or if Jhorlo tasked him to put Nip down if Umbra didn’t deliver and he just wants to get things done with already.

Finally, however, the group broke apart. Anu stepped forward and raised a paw for silence. When things were quiet enough that he would be heard, he spoke.

"It is true that Nip has committed grave crimes. Not just against our community, but against another. It is my opinion that we cannot just let him go in good conscience. That said, I personally would not feel comfortable releasing him into Umbra's custody, with the murky knowledge we have of the situation as a whole. But it is not my decision to make. Not alone. So, as is tradition, we will open it up to the village to decide what to do."
Jhorlo: "Oh, well this will be a short decision. I guess I should go ahead and start having Vale prepare the execution alrea-"
Whisper: "Mayor Jhorlo!" >.<
Jhorlo: "What? Are elected officials not allowed air opinions these days?"
:what:


Whisper stepped forward next. "We have come up with four ideas. We can let him go, if that seems like the best solution. We can release him to Umbra and let his punishment be handled by his tribe. We don't have the means to jail a pokemon long-term here, so instead we could contact the enforcers branch in Oltree Village and have them pick him up and decide what to do."

She paused with a scowl. "Or… Due to the… situation we unearthed during this hearing, we've decided to offer one other option. Although I personally don't care for this option, I will yield to the village if it is the majority. If you will it, and if he is willing, we can keep him here to undergo rehabilitation. He'd be paired with a guard at all times of the day and be locked up at night. During the day he would be expected to either work around the square to help with village improvements, or else go through education on how to be an upstanding citizen. He would only be released when he has shown through good behavior that he has changed." She paused. “And if he doesn’t show improvement… we’ll revisit our decision.”
- Beat moment -
Jhorlo: "... Wait a minute, did I ever get around to passing that penal code revision that forced sentences with more than two options to go to a runoff if none of them got a majority vote?"
- Whisper blinks and checks her notes -
Whisper: "Uh... no, it says whatever presented option gets the most votes becomes the sentence. Same as always."
- Jhorlo frowns -
Jhorlo: "... I knew I was forgetting something. But whatever, I seriously doubt that pathetic appeal persuaded anyone in the village." >_>;

"Whisper and I will be abstaining from the vote," Anu announced. "Umbra will not vote either, as she is not a member of this community. Anyone else who feels uncomfortable deciding can also abstain. Now, if there's anyone who believes his story and is in favor of letting him go, please step forward now."

Haru stood on her hind legs so that she could get a better look at the rest of the crowd. A couple pokemon exchanged awkward looks or hushed whispers, but none stepped forward. She looked back to Nip and noted that he'd shrank back, his ear twitching nervously, his pupils huge and round like saucers.

Did he really expect us to let him go? Haru thought. He’ll be lucky if no one snaps his neck in the middle of the night!
Nip: "A-A 'mon's allowed to have hope, isn't he?" O_O;
Haru: "Nip, there's 'hope' and then there's 'delusion'. This is very obviously a case of 'delusion'."
:UnimpressedCabot:


"No one? Very well. Let's… move on to the next, then. Is there anyone in favor of turning him over to Umbra?"

More awkward glances were cast, and for a moment, it seemed like no one would step forward for this either. But then Vale stepped forward, the manetric's snout scrunched up in a scowl.

"Oh, to heck with it. He shouldn't be our responsibility, and who knows what the Enforcers will decide to do. Yellow's known for being a bit too forgiving for my tastes. I say let his peers decide what to do with him."
I mean, considering how IIRC it comes out later that the Enforcers are having criminals killed to have their bodies scavenged, Vale's skepticism is kinda ironic. Since I'm pretty sure it would not have been hard at all to talk someone from their ranks into ensuring that Nip got a harsh fate.

A few others murmured in agreement. More pokemon stepped forward: the quagsire, the flaffy, and a vibrava, as well as Zylar - the cubone from the butcher shop - Romi, and Roselei. Jaques and Lotte stepped forward as well, the latter leaning against her brother's shoulder to steady herself.
Umbra: "Heh, I'm liking those odds." >:)
Nip: "Oh dear Yveltal, please no."
:uhhh:


Anu carefully counted out the pokemon in his head, pointing to each one as he tallied them up. "That's… nine in favor of releasing to Umbra. Let's move on then. Those in favor of releasing him to the enforcers?"

Haru stepped forward, having already made up her mind. But as she glanced back, she realized that Shimmer, Muse, and Toshi – none of the people she knew best had stepped forward. Even her parents were hanging at the back of the crowd. She tilted her head, honestly surprised.

She wasn't alone, though. Tor and Essra stepped forward, as well as a pidove, a slurpuff, a mienshao, and a swallot.

"I don't feel right releasing him to Umbra, with everything that has come to light," Tor mumbled. "But I don't feel safe leaving him around here." A couple of the others murmured their agreements.
Nip: "H-Haru, come on!"
:uhhh:

Haru: "Nip. You killed a bunch of kids, one way or another, you're going to suffer consequences for it. Look, I'm at least voting for the option that won't definitely get your throat ripped out." >_>;

"We have none in favor of releasing him, nine in favor of releasing to Umbra, and… seven in favor of releasing him to the enforcers?"

Haru chanced a quick glance to Nip while the Lucario spoke. The sneasel appeared tense, hunched. His mouth moved, but no sounds escaped him. Was he shaking?
I mean, with those odds, he's kinda staring down a very short life expectancy with a 'mon who has every incentive in the world to take him apart nice and slow, so... yeah. I'd be freaking out too.

"Finally, would anyone in favor of rehabilitation and community service step forward."

Shimmer and Muse stepped forward immediately, followed shortly by Ruffle and Mandi, as well as a plusle, a buneary, a psyduck, a meowstic and a ribombee.

Toshi hung back on the edge of the crowd. He reached a paw out like he was going to step forward, but his expression was torn.

"Nine…" Anu brought a paw up to his face, his brow furrowed. "We have a tie then…"
Jhorlo: "Whelp, sounds like it's time for that runoff-"
Whisper: "Again, you never signed that penal code revision into law, Mayor Jhorlo."
Jhorlo: "... I could literally have Jaques and Lotte get the paperwork from my office right now and-"
Whisper: "It wouldn't apply thanks to being retroactive."
Jhorlo: "... Whatever, there's a tie so there’s a quick and easy way to settle that. I’ll see to it that that Sneasel will be brought to justice."
- Cue Jhorlo licking his lips -
Jhorlo: "Deserved, delicious justice..."

"In the event of a tie," Whisper began, raising a wing to place it on her mate's shoulder. "We typically have the mayor cast the final vote. Jhorlo, do you have an opinion on the situation."

Well that sure is convenient for Jhorlo there. ^^;

- Jhorlo gives a malicious grin over at Nip -
Nip: "I... really don't like that look you're giving me right now." O_O;
Jhorlo: "As you should. Since I believe it falls to me to decide your fate now."
:nyehehe:


The purugly stood up, a rumble in his throat. "Of course, I do," he purred. "I believe I already talked about it with you, Whisper. I had already carefully considered the situation, and this new information does not change anything for me. If I must break a tie, then I vote to-"

"Wait!"

Everyone's attention turned to the bidoof that made the outburst. Toshi waddled forward, his head held high. "I'm sorry, I was struggling to decide what to vote for, or if I should vote at all. But I have to follow my heart, and my heart says to follow what I think Society Head Blue would say. If it's okay, I'd like to cast my vote now."
Nip: "Oh thank Yveltal."
:sweats:

Jhorlo: "You're kidding me."
:seviAAAAAAAAAAA:

Haru:
Image

Shimmer: "Uh... Toshi-kins, this is really sudden now and even if you're basing your decision off of what Society Head Blue would do and I happen to agree with your verdict, I still don't understand your thought process right now." .-.

Anu and Whisper shared a look, then looked to Jhorlo. The purugly’s expression was unreadable, but he dipped his head.

"Very well," Anu finally said. "You are a member of this community too, and you have a right to vote. What is your decision?"

"You know Blue is a big part of my inspiration, of why I want to join the rescuers or the expedition society so bad. And I believe that… Blue would want to give someone a second chance to prove themselves. That's why I'm voting for rehabilitation."
Haru: "Toshi, this is his third chance so far! At least!" >_>;
Toshi: "... It's a second chance from our perspective?"
:joltyshrug~1:


The lucario blinked, taking a moment to digest the verbose explanation. "Well… We…"

Whisper stepped forward and interrupted him, her response blunt. "We could have done without the long-winded explanation."

She continued, speaking in a louder voice. "That brings the vote for rehabilitation to ten. As such, the community has spoken, and the sneasel's rehabilitation will begin tomorrow. So long as…" She paused, turning to address Nip. "Are you willing to learn our ways and make an effort to be a better pokemon?"

Nip took a deep breath. His gaze darted to the side before settling on the ground in front of him. "If the alternative is going with Umbra, I'll do anything."
I kinda wonder if it'd have made more sense to describe more reactions from the audience and stuff to this development, since you'd think that there'd be more 'mons with firmer opinions on stuff since most of the village is likely disappointed with this outcome. Not least of all the parties who were actively planning on Nip meeting a timely end.

Jhorlo: "... Note to self, never procrastinate on paperwork again." >.<

"Very well." Whisper turned back to the crowd. "If you would like to be involved in choosing tasks for him to work on, please meet me in the Guard's Hut shortly. Vale, would you take the sneasel back to his cell for now?"

The manectric huffed, shaking out his fur. "Fine. Don't blame me if things go downhill though. Just remember how I voted."
And then suddenly, for no reason at all, Theran Village abruptly revised its legal system to force a run-off vote for legal sentences that couldn't get a majority vote.
:loltias:


Whisper crossed her wings in front of her and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Now, Vale."

Vale lowered his head and complied, stepping forward to push Nip back towards the hut with his snout. "Come on now, I don't have all day!"

Nip paused and looked towards Toshi. He blinked at him once slowly, then allowed himself to be herded away.
Nip: "... Thanks for being a nicer 'mon than your sister?" ^^;
Toshi: "... You're going to make me regret sticking my neck out for you at some point, aren't you?" -_-;

Once he was out of sight, the crowd began to disperse, most pokemon leaving in groups of two or three, or else heading into the hut. Jaques and Lotte moved to speak with Jhorlo. Vale emerged a moment later and joined the two. Jaques left with Vale a moment later, speaking quietly, while Lotte and Jhorlo instead approached Umbra.
Ah yes, foreshadowing the totally not shady and up-to-no-good clique in the town there.

Haru headed towards brother. Shimmer and Muse were already by his side.

"That was really cool there Toshi, coming in there and deciding the vote at the last second!"
Shimmer: "Especially since you took the side of the option I supported."
:seviuwu:

Haru: "Oh stars. Shimmer can we not do this right now?" >.<

Toshi turned his face away sheepishly, rubbing at his face with a paw? "You think so? I mean, I was just trying to do what I thought was right…"

"Of course, I do! It's the type of decisiveness I expect out of my future mate!"
I can already hear Haru's gagging noises in the background. :V

His face fell slightly. "Ha ha… yeah, sure… Could we maybe not talk about that right now though? This whole discussion we just had makes it feel extra awkward at the moment."

Muse shifted her attention away from her charge and the uncomfortable bidoof and caught sight of Haru, locking eyes with her. "Ah, there you are."
Shimmer: "You know, you can spare the theatrical gagging reactions. It's not exactly hard for me to tell that you don't approve of my and Toshi-kins' true love."
:gardexhausted:

Haru: "It's more a reaction towards why on earth would all of you think keeping Nip in town is a good idea?!" >.<

Haru quickly closed the distance between them. Toshi and Shimmer turned their attention to her as well.

"Hey, Haruru, what gives?" Shimmer asked in an overly cheerful voice.

"What… gives?"

"Yeah, why didn't you vote with us?"
Haru: "Because the three of you have collectively lost your minds?" >_>;

Haru gave the kirlia a flat expression. "What, I can't make my own decisions?"

"Of course you can," Muse cut in. "I think what she means is… Shimmer wants to know why you'd vote to turn him over to strangers?"

"Because that's the enforcer's job? To deal with criminals?"
Haru: "And they'd at least possibly be less harsh to him than Umbra would've? Really, how am I the unreasonable one here?" >:|

"I suppose that's true," Muse mumbled. "But… I would have thought that you, out of everyone, would have wanted to rehabilitate him? Considering you spent the most time with him out of everyone here."
Haru: "You do realize that he was creepy and off-putting for most of the time that I was with him, right?" >.<
Muse: "You... didn't really give off that vibe to anyone else in the story? Besides, you cared enough about Nip's well being to want to go after him before Umbra found him, right?"
:joltyshrug~1:


"Spent the most time- I spent… like… two days with him, Muse. Total. Maybe a little more, but not much! And I don't have time to run around worrying about him. I have more important things to do! I-"

Shimmer interrupted with a giggle. "I think Haru is just taking this personally!"

"Excuse me?"

200.gif


"Yeah, you feel personally betrayed that you spent time explaining how things go around here, hoping to learn stuff from him, and then he went and did a crime. Isn't that right?"

"No, it's not!"

"You say that, but I'm not so sure!" Shimmer's voice came out in a sing-song tone.
I kinda wonder if this sequence would've worked a bit better with some body language dropped in here and there via reaction, since it feels like this sequence could've been fairly animated, but it's almost entirely bare dialogue.

“That’s… not really fair,” Toshi mumbled, but Shimmer was still preoccupied and didn’t notice.

"Anyways, I wanna get back to the villa before dark. Just think about it Haru, and I think you'll find that I'm right. You know kirlia's can sense emotion, don't you?"
Haru: "... ARRRRRGH!"
:AngrySlink:

Shimmer: "I'll take that as an admission of defeat."
:gardeshrug:


"You sure do a lousy job of it with Toshi!" Haru snapped.
Shots fired.

"Woah!” Toshi held up a paw. “Please can we all just calm down?"
Oh, so he does have feelings for Shimmer :V

Haru took a long, deep breath as Shimmer and Muse began to walk away. "Fine. Come on Toshi, you need to get back to the clinic. And I want to go home. I'm sore, tired, and now I'm angry too."

"Look on the bright side though," Toshi replied. "Now that Nip's caught and everything's been decided, things should go back to normal, right?" He paused, scrunching up his snout. "Or… relatively normal at least."
Time to break out that one gif again:

Image


Haru closed her eyes, considering for a moment. "You know what, you're right. I mean, things might be a little odd around here, with everyone keeping their eyes on Nip. But at least I'll be able to get back to my normal schedule. No more running into dungeons, no more fighting, no more getting burned by angry birds."

Talk about being genre-blind there. :P

She shook out her fur, then nuzzled up against her brother. "Thanks for trying to help me feel better, bro. I know you tend to like adventure and shaking things up, so I appreciate it. C'mon, let's get you back to Lecha's."

As they began to walk away, Haru glanced one last time back at the guard hut. As much as Toshi's words helped her feel better, she couldn't help but let her mind drift back to Shimmer's words. Was she taking things personally? No, that was ridiculous. There was absolutely no reason for her to take things personally, after all.
Haru: "... Okay, so I can think of a lot of reasons for me to take things personally, but let's just not talk about those since I'm not about to admit that Shimmer was right there." >_>;

If one were to follow the Gorbyss River from Theran Village downstream, they would eventually find themselves at the eastern coast. By coincidence they would also happen to find one of the oldest known settlements: Brinash Town. In years long past, it had been a tiny settlement of only a few dozen pokemon, but as the years went by, it grew to be one of the largest and most important cities in the land.

It also happened to be the location of the Expedition Society Headquarters.
Ah right. I think this is the first time that we get to see Blue on-screen in this story.

Here, an arcanine made his way through the busy streets, rushing, yet taking great care not to mow down any of the other pokemon along the way. Several stalls called out in an attempt to catch his attention, hoping to sell wares to the obviously brave and powerful pokemon. Surely, he needed dungeoneering equipment, right? If only he would stop here, they'd give him the best deal on orbs he could find in town. But he ignored every call, every offer.

He had more important matters to attend to.

Oh hey, looks like this guy has the same day job as pre-Fledglings flavor Elty before he got yeeted out to be cast in a story set in a soggy inland sea. Same morph, too. :V

Soon, a building familiar to him came into view. One that stood out amongst the other buildings in town. For one thing, it was by far the largest building, and painted with vibrant colors to attract attention. A huge banner hung from the front, a design of a vaporeon's face painted on it, with the words "Expedition Society" underneath.

The arcanine carefully stepped around the teams of explorers making their way out of the building, narrowly dodging a litleo that burst out in front of his shinx and meowth partners, and passing a grumpy solosis and his overly-eager frillish partner as they made their way outside. Several pokemon milled about on the ground floor, most looking over the job or announcement board.

He ignored all of that; he hadn't come looking for a job.
Am I tripping, or is that a Warped Skies reference there? Since that reminds me a lot of the WS cameo team in Psychic Sheep.

Instead, he made his way up a ramp at the back of the room to the second floor. The library was not his destination either, so he continued on to the third.

By this time of day, the live-in quarters were nearly silent, most pokemon having already left for their missions. He made his way down the hall, past the apprentice rooms and the ranked rooms, until he came to a set of large double doors. Here, a pangoro blocked the way. She walked up to meet him in front of the door, a scowl on her face.

"Do you have business with Society Head Blue?"

The arcanine bowed his head. "Urgent business."

Pangoro: "So are you going to tell me what this 'urgent business' is, or...?"
:absus:

Arcanine: "Look bub, I'm pretty sure I'm running late right now." >_>;

"You'll have to come back later. Blue left for the Great Misty Ravine three days ago. Can you leave a message?"

The arcanine glanced to the left and then the right before leaning in. "Mago, listen. It's me, Maneth. I've come with a message from Progne. If Blue isn't here, then we need to talk."
Oh, so the Pangoro's named after a berry, huh. I did a double-take at 'Maneth' for a moment, since I originally read that as a name that belongs to a very plot-important character from another, completely unrelated narrative.

The pangoro's eyes lit up with recognition, though she continued to frown. She pushed one of the doors open. "Of course, come on in."

The arcanine passed the pangoro and entered the room. Blue certainly had not changed over the years; the room was in a way, both clean and cluttered. No trash or other filth could be seen in the room. And yet trinkets and baubles lined every available space.

Maneth heard a click behind him as the pangoro closed and latched the door.

Only then did Mago's frown vanish, replaced by a coy smirk. "Hmph. If you came back after all these years, something must be going on. You can shed your disguise now; we're all alone."
Whelp, so much for this guy being an Arcanine. Guess we're into rusefox antics now. Completely forgot about these two from my first readthrough.

Maneth let out a huff of air and turned his head. "Can't be too careful in my position, you know? Can’t risk being followed.” A second later, the arcanine seemed to melt away, leaving a smaller black and red beast in his place. The zoroark shook out his great mane, clutching a satchel close to his body before standing up on his hindpaws.

"Let's make this quick then. Why are you here?"

"Like I said before, Progne sent me. They received a distress call about seven days ago. From one of the lessers, Tinny. Someone - or something - is chasing him."
Waaaaaait a minute. Are these two Legendary messengers? Since I'm pretty sure that summary aligns almost exactly with what the villains' objectives are in this story.

The pangoro frowned and grunted. She made her way to a shelf in the wall and bent down to pick up a piece of charcoal and some parchment. She grumbled under her breath about how small the charcoal was, but with some effort began to jot down notes. "Something?"

"Tinny couldn't name his attackers. He said there was a honchkrow and a girafarig, but there were also other pokemon that he didn't recognize."

"How could Tinny not recognize one of Mew's creations?" Mago asked incredulously.
Regional variants, son. Even if I'm not fully sure what those unrecognized Pokémon would be.

"We don't know! He had to cut the connection before we had a chance to get his location or a description. Progne asked me to see if Blue could mobilize the Society and Red his Guild, have them keep an eye out. But they also wanted to warn them to be careful. We don't know what these pokemon are after."

“If they’re chasing down a lesser god, it can’t be anything good.”

Oh, so they are Legendary messengers. Hilariously enough, that really is OG!Elty's day job, so those earlier comments weren't that far from the mark.
:loltias:


He paused to adjust the strap on his bag. "Exactly. I came here first, but I'm headed south to Red's guild next."

"Progne could always contact us directly, you know. It would be faster."

Maneth grumbled, scratching behind his ear. "Sure would make my job easier, but you know why they won't do that."

The pangoro let out a groan, setting aside the parchment and charcoal. "I know. It's still a pain. I'll get someone to let Blue know he had an urgent visitor."
Mysterious... and ominous there. Though I have to wonder who on earth Progne is in the pantheon.

Maneth blinked and flashed a lopsided grin. "That's a relief. Really. Anyways. I need to get going then. I have a lot of ground to cover." He closed his eyes, concentrating, and the illusion of an arcanine filled his place once more. He approached the door, then paused. "Listen, I know this is ironic coming from me but… may the original one's favor shine on you all."

Mago let out a single amused chuckle. "You're right, that's rich coming from you. But may it shine on you as well. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an announcement to plan out."[/i][/i]
Got some dangling BBCode on your TR version there. On that note, you might also find it worth updating your threadmarks to all have titles, since you started doing that for your most recent chapters.

Though I thought that sequence was a nice outro. It gives the readers the first glimpse of where this plot's really going to be going down the pipe.

Alright, time for the obligatory recap at the end:

I think that the thing that I like the most about this chapter is that it was a nice payoff to the whole arc of Nip speedrunning hitting negative affinity with Theran Village, while also teeing up the ultimate direction of where the plot is headed. Kinda the whole "one door closes, another one opens" sort of dynamic. It was also a fun experience to go back and pick up on things that I missed the first time around, even if I clearly have forgotten more about this story than I'd expected over the course of a year.

As for things that I wasn't as sold on... there's a few bits where I felt things might've played out better with more description, but those are all fairly easy additive tweaks. There were some persistent misspellings here and there that should be ironed out unless that's something somehow deliberate about your setting, I think "serviper" was the most frequent one. I think that the big thing that I was a little iffy on was Nip's argument for why he didn't deserve to be thrown to the wolves and for his past actions.

I might be mixing up a few deets here and there, and it could admittedly overlap with some later bits of the story's plot, but I'm pretty sure that there's some details about how Nip's tribe works that would very effectively be off-putting to the audience. And as a guy backed into a corner looking for any way out of an impending execution who has a gigantic axe to grind against said tribe, you think that he'd be less averse to airing his tribe's dirty laundry in public. Since the whole angle of the tribe controlling its members' destinies to the point of denying their young a bond with their biological parents feels like it'd have been decently potent ammunition to get Theran Village's townsfolk to waver on '... okay, maybe we don't want Umbra to deal with him', which I wasn't sure came through with Nip's account that focused more on how he got stuck in an unwanted and unhappy marriage when he had a case for arguing that there's fundamentally no agency in the life of someone from his tribe from their moment of birth that I'm not sure he coherently laid out. Since under circumstances like that, maybe it really is a mercy to just not be born into that sort of life.

But altogether, I enjoyed this chapter @windskull . And it's a lot of fun going back to take a more careful look at your story, and to finally put my thoughts down firmly about my journey through it. I'll forward to giving you more of these in the near future, after all, just these past few chapters have been a blast to revisit. ^^
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, not sure how solid of an idea it is to be posting one of these at this hour. But meh, it’s already been a couple days since I put the skeleton of this thing together, so it’s about time I yeeted it out. Continuing on with my review series with the first Bonus Episode of the story:

Bonus Episode 1

There were a lot of things that Ruffle liked about living in Theran Village. It was quiet and peaceful, the pokemon were friendly, and she and her wife, Roselei, had no trouble making a living for themselves. As it was, there were few other places in the world she would want to be.

But as she busied herself packing, the bellossom reminded herself that there were some things she preferred to keep secret from the rest of the village.

I swear that this is the most on-brand thing possible for Theran Village. I have to wonder just how many villagers quietly have major things that they just don't share with everyone else given that Ruffle hails an unpopular legendary as her patron.

Her room was dark, only a tiny sliver of light peeking through the cloth-covered entryway. Despite that, Ruffle scurried around in the dark, her leaves rustling as she rushed about, throwing things together in a frenzy. Yet, she could barely tell which berries she was grabbing, or if she’d picked up blast seeds or sleep seeds. Oh, this simply wouldn’t do.

So, she hurried out into the harsh summer light, blinking for a moment as she tried to locate Roselei.

“Dear, I’m taking the tarp down!”

... Hon, why do you even have that up in the first place right now instead of getting your stuff you want to have squared away without anyone knowing taken care of during morning twilight hours?
:joltyshrug~1:


The bellossom’s call was unanswered, her roserade partner preoccupied by her work tending to the berry fields. Carefully, she climbed a ramp to the roof of their humble abode and pulled away the tarp covering that protected it from the elements.

It also happened to reveal a moderately sized hole. Satisfied, she scurried back down the roof and returned inside. Now the room was better lit, sunlight filtering down the hole in the roof. The bellossom paused for a moment, letting her body bask in the warm light.

Oh right. That's why they have that thing. Definitely handy when you can get a chunk of your nutrition straight from the sun there.

A glint in the corner of her eye caught her attention, however. Turning her head, she caught sight of the small, golden ring resting above her shrine, glimmering in the sunlight. She shuffled over and reached up to run a hand along its smooth surface before reaching a bit higher to take it down.

She’d need this for later.

Ah yes, the first hint of who Ruffle's patron is. It's a minor detail there, but in retrospect, it's pretty clever foreshadowing.

Humming, she turned and placed the ring into a small, cloth bag, securing it within an inner pocket. Now that she could see, she hurried her preparations along, digging a pecha and a cheri berry from their stores to add it to the two oran and sitrus berries already in the outer pockets. Then she went back for a pair of heal seeds and a sleep seed. She paused, hovering over the bag with an apprehensive look on her face, then turned back to pick up a single, tightly rolled-up blanket before closing it up and pulling the strings taunt.

Huh. Didn't remember that detail from my first readthrough, but it makes sense that you'd want some features like that in bags or the like to make it harder to steal particularly valuable items that you're carrying around, so it's a nice little detail that helps sell the sense that the ring's important to Ruffle there.

As one last check, she patted the outer pockets, feeling the weight and jingle of coins, before giving a satisfied hum and slinging the strap across her shoulder.

She stepped out of the building, taking a moment to look over the rolling fields of berries, squinting until she found the roserade again.

She took a deep breath and shouted, “Roselei! Hey, aren’t you going to come say goodbye?”

Ruffle: "Seriously, Roselei. We're mates and I'm about to go on a big journey here!" >_>;

“Hm?” The roserade looked up from her work, retracting the vine she’d been using to pluck berries from a bush. “Oh, is it that time already, Ruffle?”

The eclipse is in a week, dear,” Ruffle gently reminded the roserade. “I need to leave now if I’m going to make it in time.”

I... actually forget why Hoopa is associated with eclipses in this setting. I'm assuming that it's because it forms a ring in the sky briefly with the sun peeking around the moon, but I guess I'll be reminded of what's going on there in short order.

Roselei sighed before putting a smile on her face. “I know, I know. I’m just going to miss you and worry about you. Make sure you send a message through psychic courier to let me know you arrived safely.”

Huh. So does that work like the Pony Express, but with telepathy? Or else what's the range of those communications? Since I wonder how susceptible to the "telephone" effect that mode of communication is.

“Hey, no need to worry.” Ruffle reached forward to brush a nubby hand along one of Roselei’s flowers. “I’ll just be there for a couple days for the eclipse celebration, and then head right back before you know it!”

Roselei: "Ruffle, we're in a story. You're not supposed to say that since it's more or less a giant invitation to the cosmos to make something go wrong with your trip!" >.<
Ruffle: "... We're not supposed to know that and in-setting, it'd be a perfectly reasonable thing to say?"
:gardeshrug:


She paused, closing her eyes and soaking up the sun - and her lover’s touch - for just a few seconds longer. “Oh, I better get going. Don’t want to keep the cart waiting. Can’t really afford to travel on my own, you know.”

“Of course.” Roselei hesitantly pulled back, before adding in a whisper, “travel safe, and may Hoopa grant you insight on your journey.

Ah yes, there's the reveal for Ruffle's patron. Though I have to wonder why Roselei isn't going along for this as well? Budget issues? Nobody to watch the house/shop? Like it's ultimately not that consequential of a detail, but it might have been a nice thing to have included or hinted at, especially when these two are pretty mum about their patron Legendary to their neighbors.

Crescent Shores Beach was a much busier town than the sleepy little village Ruffle made her home in now. Unlike the charming, rustic huts that dotted the land around Theran’s center, the houses here were much more carefully planned, lined up in near-perfect rows along paved streets and divided up by sizes.

Huh, three-word town names, eh? I forgot that there were places named in such a style in this story, but hey, it helps things stand out, and "Crescent Shores" sounds like a pretty comfy place to go out eclipse-watching. Also a nice contrast to Theran Village there. It helps hammer home the sense that we're in a new neighborhood.

As the mudsdale-drawn cart made its way through the residential district and towards the center of town, Ruffle shifted the bag on her back and walked over to the edge, squeezing between other passengers to peer over at the pokemon passing by, heading to and from their jobs in the mid-morning rush. As she looked ahead to the lower-level commercial district, she could see a tangled cluster of larger buildings before the landscape swept out to the actual beach.

Somewhere in that tangle, she was supposed to get instructions for where to head next.

:sceptical:


I mean, on one level, I get that Hoopa isn't exactly a popular patron in these parts, but you'd think that a summons explicitly stating "come here to get further instructions" would've made Ruffle a bit suspicious. Especially since IIRC, the place that she's headed to is the site of a waiting ambush.

Hopping down and back away from the edge of the cart, she reached back into one of her side pockets, pulling out an opened, blank envelope to look it over, carefully re-reading the letter within.

Ruffle: "... Pretty sure this would be a lot more reassuring if there was some sort of secret marker on the outside to ensure that it was actually sent by a follower of Hoopa, but let's have another looksee at this." ^^;

Dearest Disciples

As you may already know, we are expecting an eclipse shortly after the fifth full moon of the year. And as our doctrine dictates, all who are able are to meet on the day of the eclipse, to renew their vows to our dearest Hoopa.

Wait, is that 'year' supposed to be 'cycle' there? Or are the two terms interchangeable in this setting?

Estimates say that the eclipse will be best viewed from Seashoal Village this year, but we do not wish to raise trouble with the locals, nor to cause trouble by having all of us trying to cross the ocean at the same time. As such, we have begun making arrangements for private transportation to the far side of the island. If you are coming, please gather at White Sands Warehouse on the western side of Crescent Shore Beach’s commercial district, where we will give you more information.

Cordially yours,

Grand Master of Ceremonies

... Wow, the language of this letter really does give off strong "phishing email" vibes right about now. ^^;

Ruffle: "I mean, the sender knew that I was a follower of Hoopa in spite of me never telling anyone about it around town, so... it's probably from a fellow acolyte?"
:joltyshrug~1:


As she read through the paper, memorizing the instructions to heart, Ruffle couldn’t help but dwell on negative thoughts, of fear of how other villagers would react, were she to tell them about this. About Hoopa.

I kinda wonder if it should've been elaborated or hinted at more either in this special or in throwaway chatter earlier in the story as to why Hoopa is seen so negatively by others in this neck of the woods.

Like it's not terribly hard to guess since Hoopa's just kinda a little terror canonically, but I'm a little torn as to whether or not the effect of 'Ruffle keeps secrets from her neighbors' would've worked better if we had a clearer idea of why she'd want to keep them, or if the sense of mystery and gradual discovery outweighs that.

As she dwelled on her concerns, Ruffle felt something prickle uncomfortably in the back of her mind. She turned her head, trying to hide her worried expression, and caught sight of a hattrem staring at her. Before she could say anything though, the hattrem quickly looked away, and the uncomfortable prickling stopped.

Slightly unnerved, Ruffle turned her attention back towards the buildings coming closer and closer, trying to place where she’d felt this feeling before. And upon failing that, she let her mind drift, thinking about home.

… Right, there wasn’t a waiting ambush for her before she entered town. This is where that chain of events got set into motion.


Ruffle: "Did- Did I just get mind probed or something?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

- Ruffle shakes head -
Ruffle: "... Whatever, guess that's a sign to hurry up and find the meeting place. There is safety in numbers."

The business district was even bigger than Ruffle remembered. After disembarking her ride with a polite thanks, she’d began to make her way down the wide streets, keeping to the side to avoid being trampled by larger pokemon passing by. An onix slithered by down the center, pushing a huge box of produce on wheels back towards the edge of town. Silently, she thanked herself for settling somewhere so much smaller.

Uh... yeah, that sounds like a fantastic way to get run over by accident, so I don't blame Ruffle for mentally being thankful that she lives in a smaller settlement. ^^;

With the buildings arching high overhead, and the midday sun high in the sky as well, it was hard to get a good grasp of what direction she was going. But she could assume the onix had come from some warehouse and used that as a starting point in her search.

Ruffle: "... You'd think that there'd be a map somewhere for me to use, but... eh, probably for the best if we didn't risk someone discovering where our meeting place was."

Slowly, the flow of pokemon around her thinned out, most heading away from the direction she was walking. Soon the streets became more dilapidated, the buildings shifting from bright and colorful businesses to dank and dingy, run down warehouses. From that alone, she suspected she was headed in the right direction.

I mean, on one level, I understand the impetus to keep this hidden from the outside world. On the other hand, one would think that you'd pick a hideout that didn't obviously scream "wrong side of the tracks". Since this feels like a fast way to get robbed and if I remember how this special played out, it almost resulted in just that for Ruffle, just from some less typical thieves.

She slowed down, taking the time to look at signs as she walked in hopes of spotting White Sands. She made her way down one row of warehouses, then turned and went up another. But thus far, she’d had no luck.

On her third row, something was off.

The air seemed just a bit different here, she realized, and it put her on edge. Walking even slower, she took the time to look around, taking greater care to watch her surroundings. But nothing jumped out at her. Soon, she found herself standing in front of an alley between two buildings, where she paused to peer down into the darkness, frowning. Still, nothing seemed to be there.

Oh yeah, that's not ominous at all. Especially since you're going to face this all on your own and not with a small group of fellow Hoopa-worshippers.

She wasn’t quite satisfied with her search. But, unwilling to duck into some place she wasn’t supposed to be, she turned her back and began to walk away.

But before she could take more than a step, something dropped from above and grabbed hold of her, hot pink fingers digging into her skin. She let out a surprised squeal, struggling as she was pulled back into the shadowy alley.

See, I told you that this was a bad place to hold a meeting, Ruffle.

Ruffle: "... In retrospect, we should've picked something like a quiet farm just outside of town to meet up in!" O_O;

“Now!” her assailant called.

In a panic, a flurry of petals burst from her flowers and from under her grass skirt as she tried to summon a petal blizzard. She struggled, trying to pull free during the distraction. Her attacker grunted, but only tightened their grip.

Something conked her in the back of her head, and the last thing Ruffle saw before blacking out was a blurry flash of blue and pink.

Ah yes, the Hatterene who snooped on her like a scene ago. That's totally not paranoia fuel to think that a passerby might casually mind-read you and get an idea of where to ambush you. Not at all.

“Don’t you think this is a bit cruel?”

Us, the cruel ones? I think all that time you’ve been spending in the library is making you soft.”

“Shh-shh she’s stirring!”

Ruffle: "... Okay, I very distinctly remember that I was attacked by a Pokémon. So the fact that I'm hearing someone talking about 'us' can't possibly be a good sign right now."
:uhhh:


Ruffle woke to a musty smell and a dull ache in the back of her head. This certainly wasn’t home. She groaned and shifted, trying to remember what she’d last been doing, and quickly found that she couldn’t move her arms. In a panic, her eyes snapped open.

She was in a large, dimly lit room. Windows near the ceiling provided just a little light, letting her see the tops of tall shelves with boxes on them not too far away. But the sun had nearly set, leaving only a dim orange glow in the building. As she tried to make sense of her situation, she remembered what she had been doing before, and realized that her pack was gone.

Right. She’d been attacked. And knocked out.

Ruffle: "And yeeted into some sort of warehouse, obviously. But who on earth-?"

Her heart fluttered in a panic as she tried to walk, but she quickly realized that she’d been tied to a pipe against the wall, the rope acting as a short tether.

Well this eclipse party is certainly going swimmingly right about now... Not. ^^;

Against her better judgement, she shouted out, “who’s there? What’s the meaning of this?”

“What’s the meaning of this?” A voice answered in a mocking tone. “I’m the one that’s going to ask the questions around here. And I want to know what the meaning of this is.”

Something clattered to the floor in front of her. Ruffle caught a glint of gold in the light and realized that it had to be her Hoopa ring.

Ruffle: "... Would you believe that it's a lucky charm? A-Anyhow, this isn't funny! Seriously, show yourself right now!" o_o;

Narrowing her eyes, she refused to answer, instead looking up into the darkness. “That’s none of your business, now is it? You think you can just go and attack strangers, rummage through their belongings, and expect them to listen to your stupid demands? You have no right to ask questions of me!

... Honestly the smarter response than the joke one that I wrote, really. Though I can't imagine it'll endear Ruffle to her captors.

Apparently, her captor wasn’t prepared for an answer like that. There was a moment of silence, then she heard murmurings of three different pokemon.

“What do we do, boss? She’s supposed to answer our questions!”

“Relax, relax, it’ll all be fine.”

“I told you handling it like this was a bad idea. Come on now.”

I... kinda wonder if there should've been more indication of where those voices are coming from or else something to hint at who's speaking here. Since on the one hand while it makes sense that Ruffle wouldn't exactly pick up on a whole lot going on right here, it kinda makes this sequence feel a bit disembodied in a way that even something like an explicit acknowledgement of "Ruffle looked around, tried to get a good view of her assailants and saw bupkis before hearing them speak" wouldn't have.

She saw a small burst of fire fly through the air. A second later, a small, enclosed fire burst to life, illuminating her captors.

Before Ruffle stood three unfamiliar pokemon.

Well, two, technically. One of them, she recognized as the hattrem she’d seen watching her on the cart. The second pokemon was a salandit, her eyes glinting in the moonlight. The third pokemon she was less familiar with, but recognized as a morgrem after some thought.

Oh right, Hattrem who attacked her. But yeah, this is why IMO it might have made sense to provide a few more proverbial breadcrumbs leading up to this moment, especially since this is the first time that the Mogrem and Salandit are getting revealed in any capacity.

Ruffle stared at the trio blankly for a moment, and they stared right back. But finally, the salandit nudged the morgrem in the side. “Psst, Creek, show her the badge.”

The morgrem, Creek, looked to the salandit with a dumbfounded expression for a moment before catching on. “Oh, I get it. Right. Good idea as always, boss.” He reached down into the bag slung across his shoulder, fumbling, until he retrieved a small object from the bag and held it out. In his hand was a round, bronze-colored badge, an indented bolt of lightning at the center.

Oh, so there's a Salandit ringleader for a group of troublemakers in this story too, huh?
:loltias:


Though I think that Venna needs to invest in some less dull underlings to take instructions here.

The salandit cleared her throat. “We’re Team Fey-Wrath of the Enforcers, and you will be answering our questions.”

Ah yes, the first explicit depiction on-screen of how the Enforcers are riddled with a bunch of skeevy and unscrupulous types that makes the audience
:uhhh:
at any time they get brought up in the future.

Staring down at the badge for a moment, Ruffle’s expression turned uncertain. It… did look like the badge of one of the teams of peacekeepers, but if she knew how their rankings worked, these guys were a newbie team at best. Or else they’d stolen the badge off one and were running some form of racketeering operation.

... That actually makes me wonder A: how common that racketeering operation is, B: what the punishment for doing that is if caught. Since you'd think that if there's legit teams going around like Team Fey-Wrath here, that it wouldn't be that hard to nick an Enforcer badge.

With her misgivings in mind, her response was not friendly. “Didn’t know the Enforcers had taken to harassing random civilians in the street,” she spat, trying to shift into a more comfortable position.

“Oh, but you’re no ordinary civilian,” the salandit hissed, slinking forward before holding the ring up in the air, inspecting it. “Joy, here-” she paused as she gestured to the hattrem “-happened to pick up on your emotions and took a little listen in your brain, and just so happened to hear you thinking about a meeting of Hoopa zealots. Now, everyone can follow whatever legends they want, of course. But a meeting of followers of a chaos god can’t mean anything good.

Ah right. This is why you were so tight-lipped earlier about how Hoopa was seen in-setting. I personally feel you still had a bit of wiggle room to hint a bit at this is where things were going, but I can see why you went that route.

“That’s…” Ruffle paused, her expression turning perplexed. “That’s what this is about?” There were things that she kept secret from most people. And this was why; not everyone was understanding of her choices.

And yet, despite the situation, and despite the fact that she should be afraid, she stared for a moment before snickering. Then her snickers turned to full-on laughter. “Oh, my goodness, you can’t be serious right now! You, a bunch of rookie enforcers, thought you had the right to dig into my brain, made an assumption based on what I was thinking about, and then kidnapped me in hopes that I’d lead you to everyone else so you could harass them too? That’s hilarious. Now, seriously. Untie me and give me my stuff back, or I’ll have to report you to your superiors.”

Uh... Ruffle, not that it's not appropriate to get in a giggle at some obviously incompetent rookie dirty cops' expense, but you probably don't want to do that when they both outnumber you and have you tied up. ^^;

Creek hesitated, looking over to his two teammates. “That wouldn’t be a problem, right? I know this isn’t the best way to go about things, but it’s got to be better letting a dangerous Hoopa follower wander the streets, right? We aren’t gonna get in trouble with the big boss-mon for this. Right, Venna?”

The salandit hesitated in turn. “Well… not if we prove it was for good cause. So…” She whirled back around to face Ruffle. “So why don’t you go ahead and confess already!”

Image


Seriously, Venna, you're digging yourself deeper in live-time here if Ruffle manages to get away at any point during this.

“Confess to what? I’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Don’t think she’ll need to,” Joy called from behind. “Look what I found. She was reading this earlier, back on the cart.”

As Ruffle looked up, she caught sight of the piece of parchment the hattrem was waving around. “That’s-”

“Instructions as to where your little group is meeting?”

Ruffle: "... Okay, I guess those instructions were legitimate after all. Sure didn't want to find that out this way."
:uhhh:


Venna smirked, her tongue flicking out before she raced over. “Nice work, Joy.” The salandit reached up to grab the parchment and unfolded it, eyes quickly scanning the page. “Let’s move out, you two, we got a cult ritual to crash! And you!” Once again, she whipped back to face Ruffle, spitting out just a couple embers as a warning, the hot flecks fizzling out on the ground. “Stay put. We’ll come back for you when we’re done and take you over to the local Enforcers branch so we can figure out what to do with you.”

Ruffle: "We have literally done nothing wrong!" >.<
Venna: "Yet, and if we act fast, it'll stay that way!"
:typhNOsion:


“You’re making a mistake!” Ruffle shouted, trying to summon up a burst of petals, but found her attack fizzled out before getting anywhere near what it was supposed to be.

We stuffed a ban seed down your throat,” Joy announced quietly, watching her attempts. “Don’t worry, it’ll wear off eventually, but by then we should have you back at the station. Just try to relax dear, your anger is giving me a headache.”

Wow, rude.

Creek: "Uh... hey Venna? Just how long do those things last again?"
Venna: "... I'm pretty sure that we're fine right now." ^^;

My anger giving you a headache?” Ruffle shouted, tugging at her bonds. “You three are accusing me of something without reason! How dare you call yourself Enforcers!”

Venna scoffed. “That’s pretty rich, coming from you. Try to stay calm and don’t hurt yourself. Or not. I don’t care. We’ll be back soon enough. Busting this open should be enough to move us up a rank for sure!

Not sure if the 'enforcers' being lowercased in this chapter is something that's deliberate or not. My assumption was that it'd be uppercased given 'Enforcers Union', but now I'm not sure. Will take a break from that for the rest of this review.

Ruffle: "Need I remind you that your brilliant plan is to try and ambush a gathering of gods-knows-how-many Pokémon with just the three of you?" >_>;
Venna: "... We'll pack a Slumber Orb? Those work great against Monster Houses, so they should also be fine against a bunch of cultists."
:joltyshrug~1:


With that, she paused for a second to put out the flames, then turned and trotted off, the two fairy-types following behind her, leaving Ruffle in near darkness.

Ruffle sat still for a few moments, stewing in silence. Guilt ate at her as well, leaving her tense and uneasy. She had been careless, and now other pokemon might get hurt because of her.

Not that she was willing to go down without a fight. She took a long, shaky breath to calm her nerves, then closed her eyes. The flowers on her head started to glow, taking in light as she charged a solar beam. She didn’t yet know how she was going to use that to escape, but she was certain she’d find a way.

Not that Team Fey-Wrath isn't obviously in the wrong here, but I have to question the wisdom of attempting this given that LEO organizations are kinda infamous for closing ranks around each other, even when their members are up to obvious malfeasance. ^^;

“Er, um… please don’t do that, miss. I don’t think the building owners would appreciate it if you destroyed any of their stock.

Ruffle let out a yelp, caught off guard by the new, uncomfortably grating voice. She whipped around, looking for the source, and felt something tug behind her. Turning her head, she caught sight of ghostly, cloth hands trying to undo the ropes binding her. The banette - half of his intangible body still hanging out through the wall - swore as he fumbled with the knots.

Ruffle: "Wait, what?! Who on earth are you and where did you come from?!" O_O;

Finally, he gave up on just untying them, looping his fingers through a couple of notes. “Now hold still, don’t want to get you with this.”

Turning her body slightly so she could glance back, Ruffle watched as shadow coalesced around the banette’s fingers before he ripped them away, severing the ropes bonds as he did so. Slowly, she climbed to her feet, dusting her leaf skirt as she did so. “Um… Thanks…”

“Kee,” he responded, offering out a draped hand. “Bodyguard for hire, though I’m currently contracted out, so don’t go asking. Now come on, gather up your things and let’s get out of here; my charge is eager to know that you’re alright.”

Ruffle: "Wait. Your... 'charge'? But who on earth is-?"
Kee: "Wouldn't be doing my job as a bodyguard if I outed them. Now come on, let's get out of here." ^^;

For a second, Ruffle stared. Then she moved to collect her bag. Fortunately, none of her items had been scattered, though the trio of enforcers had taken both her letter and her ring with them.

“The local enforcers aren’t nicest branch around, but this is low even for them,” Kee grumbled, surveying the scene with disgust. “We’ll escort you to the local branch, if you want to write a report.”

“Thanks…” Ruffle replied slowly. “Though… I kind of need to head to my meeting first and let them know what’s going on.

You'd think that going to the station, reporting the obvious malfeasance, and then going over with Enforcers that aren't a bunch of rookie dirty cops to crash their attempt to crash their party would be the route that would be less likely to get you booked on assaulting an officer, but you do you, Ruffle. ^^;

“Ah, the ‘Hoopa’ meeting that they were talking about, I assume? I’ll see if my charge is willing.”

The two made their way out of the building quietly, taking care to listen for the trio of enforcers, in case they were still hanging around. Once they made it outside without incident, the banette turned and floated ahead towards the far side of the warehouse, disappearing around the corner. Ruffle, after a second of hesitation, followed.

“Hey, Gan, you still here? I’m back.”

From behind a pile of crates, Ruffle heard the pitter-patter of feet. A second later, a piplup waddled into view, clutching a small satchel tightly to his side.

Ruffle: "... Wait a minute, so what's the story between you two again? And how on earth did you know to come and help me like that?"
Gan: "... Is that really relevant when your co-religionists are about to be arrested by rogue enforcers right now?"
:joltyshrug~1:

Ruffle: "... Fair point, really."

“Everything went well, I assume?” the piplup asked.

“Yeah. Just a couple of overzealous newbie enforcers,” Kee replied, waving a hand dismissively. “Didn’t like my odds though so I waited for them to leave before breaking her out. She wants to know if we’ll take her over to her meeting so that she can warn them about any trouble these guys might cause.”

Gan took a second to look up at the sky. “Well, if it’s not too far, I don’t see why not.” He held out a fin towards Ruffle. “You may call me Gan, I’m an apprentice with the local merchantry, learning how to keep the local docks organized. I assume you’ve already been introduced to my associate and bodyguard, Kee?”

Oh, so there's the backstory explanation. Though it kinda makes sense, since dirty cops aren't exactly good for business, so I could buy Gan having an interest in wanting to reel in the world's worst rookie cops if he happened to run into-

Gan: "I'd like to remind everyone that I'm an apprentice merchant right now."

Right. Well, in that case, he was just bothered by what went down. Good enough.
:gardeshrug:


“Ah, yes, thank you, Gan.” Ruffle took a little bow. “My name is Ruffle, I’m actually a berry farmer and merchant from Theran Village, if you’ve heard of us. We’re a tiny little village at the base of Mount Domo.

Mount Domo, huh? I mean, I know where 'Theran' came from, but now I'm curious as to where that name came from. Since it feels very different in vibe.

Gan’s face lit up. “Oh, I have heard of it! In fact, I’ve heard that your berries are simply divine. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Now, where were we headed, exactly?”

Wow, Theran really is a berry town when strangers' first reaction to it is "hey, your berries are great!"
:loltias:


“Ah, right.” Ruffle began to reach for her bag, and then remembered that the letter with directions had been taken by the trio of enforcers. “I believe it was… Beach Sands Warehouse… no, er… White Beach Warehouse? Something like that.”

“White Sands?” Gan suggested.

“Yeah, that’s it!”

Ruffle: "... Wait a minute, how on earth did you know that-?"
:what:

Gan: "I live here and there's only so many places with "Sands" or "White" in the name here. Process of elimination, really." ^v^;
Ruffle: "... Right, that'd make a lot of sense. (Rats, I was getting excited that I'd found a fellow Hoopa worshiper for a moment.)"

"Well, that's not all that far out of our way, so I don't see why not. What do you say, Kee?"

The banette brought his arms together, letting the fabric hang in front of him. "I say you should ask what she's doing there first before just up and offering. I mean, I already know what she's doing there, but I’m not letting you go into a situation without knowing the whole story.”

Ruffle: "Kee! If you know what I'm doing there, you can just tell Gan so that way he knows and we can move on already!" >_>;
Kee: "Yeah, but then Gan doesn't learn it for himself. Kinda an important skill to develop, doncha think?"

Gan waved a flipper dismissively. "I'm sure it's all fine. You worry too much! She's a fellow merchant, after all."

I mean, it works out here since it's Ruffle, but that seems like one really naive mindset to have given that unscrupulous merchants are a dime a dozen in any culture.

For just a second, Ruffle hesitated. How would these two react? Would they react as poorly as the enforcers? Once again, she was reminded of why she kept these things secret.

Then again, she was out in the open now. If things went bad, she'd have a chance to get away. So, she slowly let out a breath and began to explain the situation. "No, the banette’s right. You have a right to know.” A pause. “Well... See, I'm... You two know about the eclipse coming up in a couple days, right?"

Ruffle: "Here goes nothing..." 😬

She waited for sounds or motions of agreement before continuing. "I'm... I'm a follower of Hoopa, and for us, the day of a solar eclipse like this is an important day where we're supposed to come together and renew our vows. Remind ourselves of what things we value. I was headed there when I was... accosted. And I'm worried those three might start something and that someone might get hurt... or worse."

Ruffle: "(Please don't freak out please don't freak out please don't freak out...)"

Kee and Gan shared a look. Kee stared at the piplup inquisitively, waiting for instructions, while Gan's expression was unreadable. After a tense moment of waiting, however, the piplup turned his head to give her a friendly look. "Well, why didn't you say so. Some of my dad's workers are over there. I'd be happy to help out. Build friendly relations and what not."

Ruffle: "Oh thank gods, I thought I was going to have a heart attack for a moment."
:sweats:


Ruffle let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Oh, thank you two so much. I hate to be a burden on you, so I appreciate what you're doing."

"Think of it as a favor," Gan insisted, turning to walk past Ruffle and Kee. "Now come on, the warehouse is this way."

Oh hey, she actually has a reaction not far removed from that. Though I actually don't remember if this was just a lucky break for Ruffle there, or when the story established that Kee first spotted Ruffle getting manhandled and then decided to step in.

... Though now that I think about it, maybe it would've made sense for the story to be a bit more explicit about when it was that Kee got tipped off to Ruffle's plight, since I'm not sure if that's actually explained all that well currently.

The three walked quickly in near silence, their pace urgent. Gan took the lead, showing the way. Ruffle walked just a few paces behind him, keeping her bag close and her eyes peeled for danger. Kee floated to their side, occasionally dashing ahead at an intersection to be certain everything was safe.

Though it felt like a long trip, in truth it took them perhaps ten minutes to arrive, the sun slowly setting behind them. Soon, they found themselves in front of an innocuous, brick building, a sandy-colored sign in the front announcing it as White Sands Warehouse. From a distance, nothing seemed amiss, and Ruffle was relieved to see no sign of the enforcers team. But as they drew close, she could hear loud, angry voices shouting from inside the open door. Without thought, she rushed ahead of her escorts, racing into the building.

Ruffle: "... And of course we were too late to stop those jerks from causing trouble." >.<
Kee: "Well, better late than never. Come on, let's see what we're dealing with."

Inside the entry lobby, she spotted the trio of enforcers accosting the door guard: a lone combusken, standing in front of the wide doorway with narrowed eyes.

"I already told ya," the combusken growled. "I ain’t allowed to let anyone in if they're not on the list, till they get approval from the Grand Master. My associate went to go look for 'em already for you. So, you're just gonna have to sit and wait.”

Ruffle: "Oh thank goodness, I was expecting a lot worse right about now."
:blazisweat~1:

Combusken: "... Wait, I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to do that emote since I'm the fire chicken here."

Creek grumbled, and whipped his head around, stomping off just a few feet with his eyes closed while Venna tried to reason with the guard.

The sound of footsteps rushing towards the door made Creek open his eyes, just in time to see Kee and Gan rushing into the doorway, where Ruffle already stood with an angry expression on her face.

"Uh... boss?" Creek called out without taking his eyes off the trio. "We got company."

Venna: "Wait, what? We do? As in backup-?"

Venna and Joy turned away from the combusken, their eyes bulging as they caught sight of Ruffle. The salandit cried out, "you... how did you get here?"

Venna: "We tied you up in a warehouse!" >.<
Kee: "Yeah, for the record, you probably want to use something that's a bit harder to hack through in the future."

Ruffle ignored their question. "You, guard! My name's Ruffle. I was invited and should be on the list. These three enforcers stole my ring and my letter to try and get in because they think we're going to cause trouble. You need to let everyone inside-" She cut off with a pained cry as a spattering of embers landed on her leaves, threatening to send them up in flames.

Whelp, so much for a diplomatic solution there. Not that it'd have gone anywhere fast with how unreasonable Venna and the gang have been.

Venna scampered forward, attempting to cut her off, but a thin jet of bubbles from Piplup knocked her off-course.

Venna: "Ow! I'll have you reported for assaulting an enforcer!"
Gan: "I'll take my chances, really. Since literally everything about what your team's been up to would be grounds for expulsion from the force."
:typhNOsion:


"Kee! Defensive maneuvers!" Gan announced. The banette rushed forward to stand protectively in front of him. his hands enveloped in purple shadows as he waited for any of the other pokemon to make a move.

The combusken let out a loud, pained squawk as Joy turned on him and brought her hands together, releasing a beam of bright, multicolored energy in his direction, catching him squarely in the chest. He was knocked sprawling back several feet. As she began to approach, however, he sprang back up and dashed for something just to the side of the doorway. With a shudder, a segmented metal door began to fall.

Sure is a genius move to pick a fight where you're outnumbered, you three. :V

"Don't worry!" he shouted. "I'll go get help. Just hold on!"

Venna turned to look back at the sound and let out an alarmed call. "No! Don't let him get away!" But before she could give chase, she was hit with a blast of energy from behind, sent flailing through the air and landing on the ground hard.

Oh right, so there was the foreshadowing of Yellow and Dew’s arrival later on. I wonder if it’d have made more sense to beat it over the readers’ heads a bit harder, since at first I missed that when in my second readthrough.

You know, now would be a good time to pop whatever Wonder Orb you were planning on using against all those "cultists", Venna. Since if you're jobbing this hard against one extra head that you didn't have... ^^;

"That's for kidnapping me!" Ruffle announced, the light from her flowers beginning to fade. With a crash, the door slammed shut, separating the fighting pokemon from the rest of the building.

Creek: "... Wait, Venna, should we go and get backup? Since I'm pretty sure that we can't pull off that raid right now-"
Venna: "Creek, just shut up and knock 'em into next week already!" >_>;

"Sorry about dragging you two into this," Ruffle said to her two companions, already charging up another beam.

"No need to apologize," Gan called back. "I've been wanting a good skirmish for a while!" He clapped his flippers together before shooting water into the air, sending a misty spattering all around the room, dampening the area. "What about you, Kee, having fun yet?"

The banette grunted in response. "Less talking, more fighting." Without waiting for his two teammates to ready themselves or for the two opposing pokemon to recover, he charged, heading directly for the hattrem. With one quick swipe, he struck her across the face with his prepared shadow claw attack.

Figures that the bodyguard would be the one to be the most deadly serious about the current situation. Like it's a subtle thing, but it definitely helps Kee and Gan vibe fairly distinct from one another, and feels fitting for their characters.

Ruffle: "(I completely understand why Gan needs a bodyguard now.)" -_-;

Joy let out a cry, stumbling back several feet, bringing her hands up to cover her face. She tried to shoot off another psybeam, but it went off-course, uselessly striking the ceiling, sending a spray of bits of stone and dust down around the fighting party.

Gan: "Well that's not going to be good for the insurance premium. Boy is it going to be annoying to try and sue the Enforcers Union into paying for damages." >v>;

While Kee dealt with the hattrem, Venna tried shooting another gout of embers in Ruffle's direction. But with the protective coating of water, the flames did significantly less damage to the bellossom's plant matter. Ruffle responded by shooting at her with another solar beam, the bright green-yellow light just barely grazing the salandit. She turned it slightly, managing to catch Creek off-guard. He stumbled back a few feet from the blow, trying to stay upright.

"Who uses water sport?" the salandit complained as she shifted strategies. With speed that caught Ruffle off-guard, Venna slithered forward, racing towards her. She tried to spring out of the way but was too slow and let out a cry as she felt the salandit's fangs sink down into her shoulder.

Well, Gan did, obviously. Not his problem that you can't fight around it.
:blepgia:


Instinctively, she let out a puff of spores, the yellow cloud surrounding both her and the salandit as she thrashed and tried to break free of the bite. Even as she did, she could feel her strength draining and realized with horror that the salandit managed to inject venom into her body.

Ruffle: "No worries! I have a Pecha Berry for thi-"
- Ruffle reaches for her nonexistent bag and has a beat moment -
Ruffle: "... Right, these enforcers stole it and the rest of my bag from me earlier. Fantastic." >_<;

Fortunately, the puff of spores was enough to loosen Venna’s grip, giving Gan a chance to blast her off with a thick, concentrated stream of sticky bubbles. From the wound oozed a nasty mix of purple venom and a greenish, sap-like fluid. As soon as she was free, she struggled to reach into her bag, the poison quickly taking its toll on her. “C-Cover me!” she shouted back to Gan.

Oh, so that's what Grass-type blood looks like in this setting. Will have to make a mental note of that of the future, but it's definitely a take that I don't think I've seen all that often.

The piplup took up a defensive stance behind her, shooting beams of bubbles as Venna and Creek tried to get in close again or else intercepting gunky wads of poison shot in Ruffle’s direction. At the very least, the stun spores had taken their toll out on Venna, slowing both her movements and her attacks.

There! Ruffle’s hand closed around the soft, fuzzy flesh of a pecha berry. She pulled it free and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth as quickly as possible, waiting with bated breath for the berry to take its effect.

Ruffle: "Nice save there, Gan." ^^
Gan: "Well, I wouldn't be doing my job as a merchant if I didn't maintain healthy stocks." ^v^

A cry of pain from Joy turned Ruffle’s attention away for just a split second, long enough to see the scraped and bruised hattrem fall to Kee’s shadow claw attack. The banette immediately whirled around, turning on Creek next.
One down, two to go.

Kee: "You know, in retrospect, we probably should've dealt with that Venna first since she seems to be the ringleader and have 90% of the brains of the group. But meh, keep fighting!"

“Wait! Wait!” the morgrem cried out, holding his hands out in front of him before dropping to his knees, stealing glances at his injured teammate. “I give in I give in don’t attack!”

:absus:


Yeah, okay Creek. I know how your species' dex lore works and you literally could not make it any more obvious as to what you're trying to do here.

The action in the room slowed to a standstill. Venna paused and hesitantly turned back to look at Creek. The glow from Ruffle’s flowers as she prepared another solar beam slowly began to fade. A stream of bubbles died in Gan’s throat. Joy carefully peeled herself off the ground.

Kee approached the morgrem cautiously, floating just a few feet in front of him. “Is that all? Are all you enforcers really this cowardly? Attacking random pokemon and then begging forgiveness when things get tough? No wonder you have a poor reputation around here.”

Gan: "Uh. Kee? Isn't he a Mogrem? Maybe I'm just being a bit paranoid, but are you sure that he's really-?"

Several things happened in an instant.

The hair hanging down Creek’s back, seemingly with a mind of its own, branched out in tendrils and struck at the banette, piercing through his cloth-like body around the shoulder. A shadowy mist escaped the wound as he stumbled back in shock.

Creek sneered, tackling the banette with glimmers of fairy-type energy surrounding him. “Suckers.”

Ouch.

Gan: "Yeah. He could've been getting your guard down to do something like that."
Kee: "You could've warned me, you know!" >_>;
Gan: "Pretty sure I couldn't have since these sequences aren't canon." ^v^;

Venna shot another glob of poison, this time aiming at Gan. Still in shock from Creek’s surprise attack, the piplup failed to dodge out of the way in time, taking the glob of poison directly to the face. He cried out and stumbled, trying to clear his vision.

Ruffle had little time to prepare for Joy’s attack, the hattrem less tired out than she initially seemed. She attempted to slow her down with a puff of spores, just as she had done with Venna, but it wasn’t enough. Before she could move out of the way, she was battered to the ground with a single swing of Joy’s thick braids.

Ruffle: "You're still up?! I thought Kee knocked you out!"
:eltyscared:

Joy: "Think again, cultist! The text mentioned I got off the ground about three paragraphs ago!"

“That’ll teach them to mess with us!” Venna called out. “Alright team, everyone take offensive measures, aim for the knock-out blow!”

Desperate to protect herself, Ruffle attempted once again to summon forth a flurry of petals. It served as enough of a distraction to allow her to climb to her feet, but just like before, they dissipated before she had a chance to do anything with it, forcing her to just focus on dodging as Joy drove her back towards a corner. She ducked behind a small stool, buying her just enough time to drop a cloud of spores in hopes of slowing the hattrem down before having to dodge out of the way again.

Kee fell back, dodging out of the way of another strike from Creek as he ran to intercept Venna as she rushed towards Gan. The salandit rolled out of the way of an errant stream of bubbles, then rushed forward again. In a desperate attempt to keep her away, Gan lashed out with his flippers before going in to try and peck at her eyes. He received a spattering of embers to his face for his trouble and let out a pained screech.

Ruffle: "Well, this is going fantastically right about now. How on earth are we supposed to turn this one around?"
:ScaredCabot:


What is going on in here?”

Ruffle: "Well, that would certainly help. Maybe. Possibly. Can't tell just yet."

At once, the struggles of the six pokemon screeched to a halt. Slowly everyone turned their attention to the entrance, where two pokemon stood. The first was a stern looking dewott, her hands reaching down for the shells resting on her thighs with eyes narrowed. The second was a proud and dangerous looking jolteon; she had made no aggressive movements, yet the air felt oppressive just being around her.

... At first I thought that that was supposed to be something like Pressure or Intimidate, then I remembered that this was a Jolteon. Guess she's just really, really pissed right about now.
:joltyshrug~1:


Before anyone could explain why they were battling in the middle of the lobby, the warehouse door that had been shut rattled and began to rise. Before it was even half-way up, the combusken from before came rushing through, followed closely behind by a rather calm xatu.

Nobody dared to move as the jolteon gracefully made her way inside, standing in the center of the room. “Well, is anyone going to answer? Or is Dew going to have to take you in for questioning?
Ruffle: "... Wait a minute, your name is seriously 'Dew'? As in 'Dew the Dewo-'?"
:what:

Dew: "Oi, look. Species name fragment-based names are a fandom staple, okay. And you're not helping your first impression right about now."
:unamusedwott:


“With all due respect,” Kee began, bringing a hand up to try and hold shut his punctured shoulder, “would you happen to be Enforcer Yellow?”

The jolteon blinked. “I am.”

The air seemed to grow even more oppressive as everyone stared at Yellow, realizing that they were standing in the presence of one of the most powerful pokemon in all the known lands.

Yellow: "So, am I going to get an explanation, or...?" >:|
- Venna jolts up and points off at Ruffle -
Venna: "She started it! Along with her cultist friends!"
Ruffle: "Oh gods, this again?" >_>;

The silence did not last long, as Dew stepped forward. “What I’d like to know,” the dewott began, turning her head to stare directly at Venna, “is what one of my rookie teams is doing here, trashing a building?”

Venna: "Uh... I'd just like to reiterate that it was the Bellossom that-"
Dew: "Yes, yes. I heard you the first time, Venna."
:unamusedwott:


The salandit’s pupils widened in alarm. “Miss Dew! I know this probably looks bad, but I swear it’s for good reason! See, my team uncovered a plot going on here. There’s a cult meeting here in this warehouse, getting ready to go invade Seashoal Village!

“Really now?” Yellow asked, her voice an unnatural calm that made everyone uneasy. “What makes you so certain of that?”

“W-well…”

Ruffle: "... Salandit, you do realize that the moment you show off that letter publicly, you're going to look like the world's biggest idiot since it very explicitly states that we aren't going to Seashoal Village, right?" >_>;
Venna: "I... didn't remember that part."
:uhhh:


“I-it’s all in the bellossom’s letter!” Creek stuttered, pointing a finger towards Ruffle. “It said something about sneaking Hoopa followers onto the island!”


Oh, so we're actually gonna go there, huh? Time to get into the appropriate mood:

Image


At this, the xatu stepped forward, training his unwavering stare on the jolteon. “If I may,” he began, “I believe I can explain the situation.”

Dew stepped forward to stand next to Yellow, her fingers pulling away from her weapons, though still staying at her side ready to grab at a moment’s notice. “Please, do.”

“My name is Sol. I serve as both seer and grandmaster for this region of Hoopa followers, watching the celestial bodies to know what times we should meet. While it is true that we followers of Hoopa arranged to meet here, there is no foul play involved at all. In fact, we were given explicit permission to gather from the building’s owner.”

Venna + Creek + Joy: "..."
:uhhh:

Ruffle: "Wow, you didn't even show off the letter, and you three already look like the world's biggest idiots."

“Ah, that would be Sir Brine, right?” Gan interrupted, only to shrink back as Yellow and Dew shot him an annoyed glare.

“Sorry, so sorry! My apologies. I’ll be quiet now.”


That... doesn't sound like a remotely healthy dynamic that the Enforcers have with local normies given how afraid they get over minor annoyance directed at them.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Yellow shook out her fur, a couple sparks flying off as she relaxed. “So, you have permission to gather, but why have you gathered?”

The xatu closed his eyes. “Mmm… I have foreseen an eclipse in the coming days. As you may know, we see these days as a symbol of Hoopa’s power, so we gather somewhere where it is the strongest and renew our vows.”

“Vows of evil!” Joy blurted out.

Ruffle: "Seriously, can you three not right now?" >_>;
Joy: "But it's true! They're Hoopa cultists!"

“Evil?” Ruffle repeated, her eyes narrowing, her frustration shining through. “Despite what you may have been told, Hoopa is not an inherently evil pokemon. Just as much as they can be seen as the embodiment of chaos and greed, they can also represent ambition. Striving for more than this life gives you. I would have been happy to explain that, but instead of listening, you left me tied up in some warehouse under the assumption that I was evil!

Dew turned back to look at Venna, eyes narrowed. “Is this true?”

Venna + Creek + Joy: "..."
:uhhh:

Venna: "I-It was a misunderstanding?"
:fearfullaugh~1:

Ruffle: "Misunderstanding my skirt. You stole my belongings!" >_>;

The salandit withered under her superior’s glare, stumbling a couple steps back. “W-well, we, uh…”

Yellow let out a long breath, closing her eyes. “I’ve heard enough. Dew, get your rookies back to their station and give them a long talk about jumping to conclusions-”

“-and poking around in other mon’s heads without permission!” Ruffle interrupted.

The jolteon shot her an annoyed look. “And that.” She turned to Sol next. “I apologize for any trouble my young associates have caused you. If there’s anything within reason we can do for you, I’ll see to it.”

Ruffle: "I mean, you could always fire those three for obvious malfeasance-"
Yellow: "I said within reason. We don't do spot firings in the Enforcers Union." >:|
Ruffle: "(That feels like an oversight if I ever heard one.) Er... hrm..."

“Yeah, how about you compensate me for my medical bills?” Kee grumbled, pulling the rip in his cloth a little tighter.

Surprising everyone, Yellow let out a rumbling chuckle. “I think we can arrange that. Well then, Sol, I wish your followers well.”


That... would actually be a surprisingly practical ask. Since I'm pretty sure all three of them need that either for their docs' visit or else reimbursement for stuff like the Pecha Berry.

As she turned to leave, the xatu spoke up, holding a wing out.

Safe travels, Yellow. And remember, there are things this world isn’t ready for, things that would put you - and those that you care about - in danger. Be careful who you trust.

Image


Totally not ominous at all there given that Xatu have a reputation for clairvoyance, but okay.

Yellow whirled back around, giving the xatu a searching look. For just a moment, Ruffle thought she looked… afraid? But the expression passed just as quickly, and she decided she must have imagined it.

“Yes… thank you.” And then she turned and walked out of sight, leaving the remaining pokemon to disperse. Dew herded her rookies away, muttering an apology as she ushered them out the door. Kee and Gan left shortly after.

I mean, I wouldn't exactly just shrug that off coming from a Xatu, so... yeah. I don't blame Yellow for being on pins and needles a bit.

“Do you need medical attention?” the combusken asked, approaching Ruffle.

“She will be fine,” Sol replied for her. “Her oran berries will heal the damage just fine with a little time. Come, you two. I wish to send a group out after dark.”

Surrounded by other pokemon like her, Ruffle was finally able to relax, letting her worries melt away as she silently thanked Kee and Gan for helping her. And as she chewed on the flesh of a fresh oran berry, she found herself thinking ahead to the coming ceremony.

Ruffle: "Well that was quite a saga. But fortunately all's well that ends well."
Sol: "I don't believe things have ended quite yet, though." ^v^;
Ruffle: "Wait, huh? But what's there left to-?"

High overhead, the sun beamed down, casting its light on the clearing. Grass waved in the light breeze, tickling at Ruffle as she took her place around a circle that had been carefully carved into the ground. Here, she fumbled with the parchment that she had been given, checking the words she had written one last time before folding it and tossing it into the ring, along with everyone else.

Ruffle: "Right. That'd be a much better note to end things on anyways." ^^;

On it, she’d written everything she hoped to accomplish before the next eclipse. She wrote about riches and bountiful harvests, of safety and shelter.

And she wrote about hoping for confidence, for understanding. For courage to tell everyone in the village about the beliefs she’d hidden for so long.

You know, for all the flack that Ruffle and her co-religionists cop about their patron deity, those seem like really wholesome vows to renew.

Perched from a branch on a nearby tree, Sol silently watched the proceedings below, occasionally peeking back up to watch the sun, waiting for the moment to begin.

Finally, just as before the moon began to eclipse the sun, the xatu let out a loud screech, grabbing the attention of all the pokemon around.

“For those of us who have gathered today,” Sol began in a clearly enunciated voice, “blessings to you all. As dictated by the stories passed down about Hoopa, we gather here at the time of the eclipse to renew our vows to them. Vows of ambition, of striving for more. We write down our hopes and dreams, praying that one day, Hoopa might see them and grant them to us. By Hoopa’s power.”

“By Hoopa’s power,” the gathered pokemon repeated back.

With one last look to the eclipse, Sol turned his gaze back to the circle. His eyes flashed and at once all the papers disappeared, their hopes and ambitions scattering on the winds.


Well that's certainly a cute outro there. Shame that the rest of the world can't be there to see it, since it might change a few minds about Hoopa with a display like that.

Alright, a bit late, but time for the recap:

It's a cute little piece, and one that I think plays up PWCH's strengths as a story that focuses on looking through the eyes of others in situations where there's not necessarily an easy 'right or wrong' answer, since we get to see a follower of a Pokémon that could very easily be dodgy, but get a convincing explanation for how it'd be possible to be such a follower while being a very benevolent figure. The chapter as a whole is a neat glimpse through the viewpoint of a character that up until this point in my first readthrough, I kinda overlooked as a borderline faceless random. I'm not sure how much of it factored into planning, but it does a good job at selling a sense that there's a story behind every face in Theran Village, and it dovetails pretty nicely with Theran Village being a place that keeps secrets. Since with the initial rumblings that something was seriously off in earlier chapters it gets you wondering as a reader that if a random merchant has this much of a secret to hide from others, what else is going on in the town?

There's not a ton that I have to complain about this chapter, but part of me does wonder if some things in the special ought to have been built up more. Like the whole notion of Hoopa commonly being seen as a negative being came through eventually, but I wonder if being a bit more open about it earlier on in the story would've better grounded a few things like why Ruffle's being so uneasy about being open about her choice of patron. The bits with Kee and Gan swooping in to the rescue, and then the senior enforcers also feel like things that somehow ought to have been played up or foreshadowed more. Like I don't think it's quite to the extent of being a deus ex machina, but some sort of stronger hint as to their presences and maybe some more explanation I think would've smoothed over those feelings quite a bit. Since in the current text, it kinda feels like those two parties swooped in at some really convenient times from out of left field.
Took me a bit longer than expected to get through this chapter, but I really enjoyed revisiting it @windskull . And I'll be looking forward to getting through at least one more before the curtain call comes down for the offsite review event, and to getting through other chapters as part of spring cleaning. Since it's been a lot of fun just catching up with the tale of Haru, Nip, and the other faces around Theran Village (even if I'm pretty sure things are rapidly approaching the point in story where it's about time to thin the herd), and I'm looking forward to finally leaving my thoughts for it all. ^^
 
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