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Pokémon [NO AUDIO]

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
no-audio-banner.png

Silent surveillance footage from a gas station south of Eterna City captures glimpses of an otherworldly visitor. Reality-warping events ensue.

Hello everybody. It's been a long while since I've actually done anything like this, but I'm here with a story that for once isn't Fledglings-related and my first proper one-shot that I've ever written.

Now for some background, but this one-shot's got some fairly old origins. How old? It was originally outlined for the writing prompt of Fanfiction Quarterly #2 on Serebii Forums to write a fic without any dialogue at all. In 2015.

Way, way, back when, I'd gotten the idea to venture outside my comfort zone and write a fic cribbing a piece of @Umbramatic's Pokéverse headcanon that he uses in his writings. Even though I don't personally share it as a headcanon, I felt it provided a workable hook for telling an interesting story that met the restrictions of the writing prompt, and decided to just run with it and make an unsubtle video game reference or two along the way. A few years came and went, when in early 2020 I decided to knuckle down and try to finish this one-shot as a gift fic in time for @Umbramatic's birthday since I hate having unfinished stuff sitting around and taunting me.

Well, it's (thankfully) not 2020 anymore, but it is @Umbramatic's birthday again, and after grinding things out and getting some editorial feedback from @Venia Silente , Tangent128 and Rmctagg09 from Serebii Forums, as well as sugoitsu from ff.net, I finally have something in a publishable state. While it's no War and Peace due to the inherent nature of the prompt and the limitations of my skills as a writer, I'm proud to present my finally finished yarn for the occasion and hope I did his headcanon justice with it.

Author's Note: The text of the story was originally stuffed all in this first post in April 2021. It was yeeted into a standalone post during the 2022 Review Blitz to give a more accurate wordcount at the forum level and make the story text more visually neat for readability reasons since there wasn't exactly engagement on the TR version at the time to worry about disrupting.
 
Last edited:
[NO AUDIO]

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate


[NO AUDIO]


The following silent video footage was recovered from the surveillance cameras of a gas station south of Eterna City in mid-September of 2008 by Sinnohan law enforcement. The below snippets were entered as evidence in an ongoing investigation regarding a series of civil disturbances at the site that remain unresolved to this day.



08/08/31

[20:01:33] - Store Front Camera
The camera records from behind a purple counter overlooking an unremarkable mini-mart in purple and black trim. The floorplan is laid out around three rows of shelves running the length of the store with a line of refrigerators at the opposite end of the room. On the left side of the store is a pair of automatic doors, with a claw machine wedged against the wall along with a small counter stocked with heated foods and a tea dispenser.​

[20:01:56] - Store Rear Camera
The camera shows the mini-mart from the opposite end of the room, giving a fuller view of the checkout counter along with the claw machine and the hot food and drink corner just under a map of Sinnoh pinned to the wall with a circle drawn just south of Eterna City. The automatic doors slide open, as a balding man wearing a purple shirt with a black flame logo over its chest pocket enters followed by a gray-haired young woman with a cap similarly bearing the same logo, proudly marking the gas station as a franchisee of Altru Incorporated and the pair as employees.​
The man leads the young woman behind the counter, pointing out the cashier and barcode scanner, along with a set of keys on a ring to a pair of doors on the left end of the camera's field of view. One door opens to reveal glimpses of stacked boxes, evidently the store's backroom, the other provides a fleeting glimpse of a sink and a toilet in front of a simple mirror. All the while, the young woman appears disinterested, fidgeting with a name tag that a brief moment where it lining up with the camera's angle reveals to be labelled 'Nami'. She nods along occasionally as the balding man leads her down the aisles, pointing out the merchandise in different sections, before opening the fridges, and stopping to point up at the camera.​

[20:04:14] - Store Front Camera
Back from behind the counter, the young woman flippantly waves the man off by the refrigerators on the other end of the store, her words not captured by the security footage, but evidently seeming to not please the man much. Nevertheless, he moves along, quickly leaving the store all to the woman's self.​
She pauses a moment, giving a careful look around before throwing an arm out. A black shadow forms under a pink box of frosted biscuit sticks on the shelves immediately to front left of the store's counter, which exits out another shadowy portal that forms on the ceiling by the refrigerators.​

[20:04:47] - Store Rear Camera
The woman throws her hand up, catching the pink box in midair before turning a pair of red eyes up at the camera with a devious smile, waving it tauntingly as she begins to help herself to the snacks inside.​



08/09/01

[00:28:03] - Store Front Camera
The camera shows the young woman back behind the counter, lazily kicking her feet up as she points off at the aisles. Every time she does so, a black, shadowy patch forms, before items emerge from them. A box of chewing gum, a few bottles of Altru-branded motor oil taped together, the process repeating here and there across the shelves until they are once again filled.​
The woman stops and gets up with an annoyed shrug, going along the aisles and tearing the tops off of boxes and tape off of bundles of bottles. She makes her way up and down the aisles, circling through the store until she completes her circuit and is left with a small pile of cardboard and tape in her hands. The attendant then retraces her steps back to the counter, scowling down at her handful of rubbish before looking down at the ground. A black patch abruptly forms by her feet, prompting her to unceremoniously drop the trash ball down the patch before turning towards the door and hurriedly darting back behind the counter.​
The attendant composes herself as the door opens and a young couple steps in. The woman waves at the pair, giving an unheard greeting as the pair drift down the aisles, quickly returning with a chilled coffee from the back and a small packet of processed breakfast pastries from one of the aisles. The couple slides a bill over the counter, which the attendant stops to count and make change. The couple nod back in thanks and make their way for the outside of the store when an errant coin slips out and falls onto the ground. The attendant looks over disinterestedly at the coin and then off at the door for a moment, before getting up and shaking her head.​
A black shadow forms under the coin, letting it drop into the abyss. Another shadow forms beside the woman, which she steps into and drops down, the patch closing up behind her to reveal the normal linoleum tiling underneath.​

[00:29:26] - Store Exterior Camera
The security camera shows the pumps from a camera mounted just above the automatic doors of the convenience store, revealing a simple layout bathed in sterile white light with a pair of islands with two pumps each, and a bike rack near the windows for cyclists going to and from the nearby Cycling Road. The man from the young couple stands at the pumps closest to the road, refueling a late-model silver sedan with his back turned to the other set of pumps. On the pavement just outside the store's doors, a shadowy patch forms and a coin shoots out, followed by the gray-haired woman jumping out. The attendant snatches the coin from the air, before adjusting her cap and rounding the pumps where she calls out inaudibly to the man.​
The man turns from his car and goes up, taking the coin from the attendant. There is a moment of puzzled silence as he looks back towards the camera and back at the attendant. The man gives his thanks, before returning the nozzle to the pump and re-entering his car, driving off as the gray-haired attendant waves off, walking back towards the convenience store with a knowing smile.​



08/09/02

[23:43:52] - Store Exterior Camera
The camera overlooking the pump rolls as an orange hatchback with rounded curves and tall, strip-like taillights is parked at the nearest island with a woman pumping gas into it, when an older, blue sports coupe with a spoiler and large two-tone taillights slowly lurches in from the dark and into the white light of the station's lights. The battered vehicle's erratic movement is quickly revealed to be from a trio of college-age men pushing the tatty, boxy car from behind, the gas cap left open as its passengers finally align it with a pump in the island furthest from the camera.​
After making it to the pump, the three stop to catch their breaths, before shaking their head and going up to the pump. A bespectacled student among them takes out a card and slides it into the pump, only to stop and pull it out. The student repeats the process a couple times, before the lot inspect the pump puzzledly and head off for the convenience store.​

[23:45:38] - Store Front Camera
From behind the counter, the attendant finishes passing change across the counter to a young boy and girl as they buy a pair of Rage Candy Bars. The pair begin to set off when the door opens and the college students come in. The children step aside for a moment as the young adults go up to the counter, staring for a moment as the student with glasses shows his card to the attendant. The attendant runs the card into a reader, before looking down at a screen and handing it back, leaving the college students to grimace before the student with glasses speaks up. A few other cards are passed over the counter, evidently not intended to be used for normal payment only for the attendant to deny them. The children in the background slink off past the doors, while the woman directs the students back for the door, casting glances at the windows every now and then as the three trod off in visible disappointment.​

[23:46:50] - Store Exterior Camera
The woman finishes pumping, before hanging the nozzle back up. The children from the counter exit the doors and make their way back to the hatchback, entering it along with the woman before the family of three drives off. An ominous purple glow comes from the base of the blue coupe , which lingers a bit before fading. The automatic doors slide open as the students who were turned away from the counter exit and come back into the view of the camera, making their way for the coupe as one of them takes out a blue Pokégear and begins to press some buttons on it when the student with the glasses taps at his shoulder.​
The student with the Pokégear goes up to the blue car, noticing something strange, before opening the driver's side door and starting the engine. The car's lights flicker on and the exhaust pipe rattles slightly, much to the astonishment of the other two students. The driver gets back out and stares incredulously back at the open pump, before looking back off at the road in the direction the woman's hatchback drove off in. The students shrug their shoulders, the driver twisting the gas cap shut and closing its cover before the three re-enter their vehicle and drive off into the night.​



08/09/03

[23:38:06] - Store Front Camera
From behind the counter, the camera captures the gray-haired attendant lazily slouched over the counter, idly moving a hand back and forth. With each motion, a shadow forms from behind the glass of the refrigerators, and another forms over a few tiles near the checkout counter as a can pops up, the process repeating a few times as the attendant little by little creates a pyramid of soda cans in front of the rightmost line of shelves.​
The automatic doors open, prompting the attendant to hastily stop as a gray-haired male teen enters the store. The attendant hastily turns her attention over to the cash register, opening it and pretending to be busy changing money as the teen drifts down the aisles. The teen lingers for a moment, before taking a few items off the far left row of shelves, making his way off to the counter where he slides a map and compass over with a pair of bills.​
The attendant turns her attention back, her motions stiff and uncomfortable as she takes the bills and makes change, passing it back across the counter with the map and compass. The teenage boy nods and begins to head off, spotting the pyramid of cans to his right. The teen pauses and stares puzzledly at the arranged cans for a moment, before turning and heading off, the automatic doors opening and closing behind him as the attendant sighs and slouches against the counter, boredly returning to expanding the pyramid of cans.​



08/09/04

[00:29:26] - Store Front Camera
The camera rolls showing the attendant lazing with her feet on the counter, idly throwing a paper ball into shadow on the ground ahead, which pops up again unseen from the camera to the right. The woman snatches the returning ball out of the air, repeating the process a few times for her amusement before noticing the automatic doors at the front sliding open.​
An elderly man in a blue suit and an elderly woman in a pink dress and a pearl necklace step in, their faces contorted into sharp frowns. The attendant gets up and lets her paper ball fall behind the counter, hastily dispelling the portals. The elderly couple stomp up to the counter, shooting harsh glares across the counter as the pair and the attendant quickly get into a heated, unheard argument, complete with accusing gestures at each other.​
The woman from the elderly couple loses her temper and slams a fist against the counter, which makes the camera and shelves shake and the lights overhead flicker, a nearby rack of postcards along the wall toppling over which the attendant hastily stops by casting a shadow under its leg closest to the counter, making it wobble in a circle before coming to a stop. The attendant shouts back unheard words, pointing her finger back when the doors open again and a middle-aged cyclist comes through and stares puzzledly.​
The three trade startled looks with each other, the elderly couple hastily taking their leave in a huff. The cyclist lingers at the entrance a bit longer, before turning around and also leaving, finding the whole episode to be a bit too peculiar and unsettling. The attendant stares ahead into space for a moment, before slumping against the counter and burying her face in her hands.​



08/09/05

[23:34:39] - Store Front Camera
The station attendant is crouched down against the counter, lazily doodling on a paper with a pen. She lifts it up to inspect it, revealing a doodle of a banded serpentine figure trailing six arms behind its head, along with unflattering caricatures of a four-legged creature with a tall head and a bipedal creature with shield-like shoulders. The woman flicks the doodle back down onto the counter and turns back at the camera with an agitated scowl when the automatic doors slide open.​
The gray-haired teen from two days ago enters, this time followed closely by a Teddiursa. The attendant looks over the pair curiously as the boy goes through the shelves and picks out some snack items before bringing it to the counter, his Pokémon latching onto the ledge of the counter. The attendant gives a puzzled blink back and begins ringing the teen up when his Teddiursa turns the paper on the counter over and reveals the doodles on the other side.​
The teen notices the drawing and begins to strike up idle chatter with the attendant. The conversation goes on for a bit, the woman's mood improving as it goes on as small smiles and laughter begin to creep over her face. The attendant wavers a moment, before forming a shadow from behind the counter and quickly stooping to grab from it unseen, pulling out a bottle of water. The attendant gets up and passes the water bottle across the counter to the teen, who takes it and inspects it puzzledly, before slipping it into a plastic bag with his snacks and carrying on. The trainer and his Pokémon head off past the automatic doors and leaving the attendant to wave after, and turn her attention back to the store in higher spirits.​



08/09/06

[20:04:11] - Store Rear Camera
The attendant and the manager walk down the rightmost aisle, the manager looking around as the attendant talks with him with a forced, bubbly atmosphere while occasionally casting glances leftward. All the while, in the central aisle, boxes and bags shuffle around after dropping into and reappearing from shadowy portals. The attendant rounds the corner when the shadows abruptly vanish, the manager seeing the central aisle all in order. As he begins heading down it, the attendant repeats the process with the leftmost aisle, stopping as the manager rounds the bend and begins to walk up towards the refrigerators below the cameras.​
The manager stops and speaks inaudibly with the attendant a moment before heading off, leaving her to wave him off and wait for him to slip past the automatic doors. The woman waits for the manager to slip past, before forming a shadow in the ceiling and snatching a remote that falls towards the ground. The attendant catches the remote and plays around with it in her hands as she makes her way back towards the counter, sitting down and turning towards a small, boxy monitor along the wall. The woman pulls up a chair and turns around, clicking the remote as the screen flickers to life with a glow, the woman staring at it unbothered by the rest of the empty store.​



08/09/07

[00:21:25] - Store Front Camera
The attendant stares off at the glow of a television behind the counter when the entrance doors open and a shaved roughneck with a jacket sporting a Gyarados design enters. The husky man snaps at the young woman impatiently, prompting her to turn around as the roughneck gestures with an accusing waggle of his finger.​
The attendant glares and frustratedly points off at the back of the store where the refrigerators are, leaving the customer to drift off back towards it. She looks off past the doors a moment and lowers her head in focus.​

[00:21:57] - Store Rear Camera
Outside, a red motorcycle is parked in front of the pumps. A violet light glimmers from a dumpster to the background of the right end of camera's field of view when a shadowy mist forms on the top of the station's island, and abruptly rains garbage onto the motorcycle below.​

[00:22:02] - Store Front Camera
The attendant brusquely rings up the roughneck, who walks off with a case of beer. The attendant gets up as the man leaves, and turns a sign in the window such that it reads 'OPEN' facing the camera, before locking the doors and turning off the lights. In the dark, the woman's form melts and dissipates from the camera's view as the roughneck can be seen back at the door beating at the doors. The man continues pounding at the doors fruitlessly for a while, before stopping and turning away. Roughly a minute passes, before the lights from outside dim as headlights move by and vanish, leaving behind the darkened and shuttered market as a pair of red, glowing dots of light each about the size of a softball appear on the floor.​



08/09/08

[23:35:17] - Store Front Camera
The automatic doors slide open as the gray-haired Teddiursa trainer from prior days walks in, his tan-furred charge following close behind him. The attendant turns her head over the counter, watching as the boy makes his way to a crane machine and inserts a few coins. Through the glare of the plexiglass, the claw can be seen swaying, as the teen maneuvers the controls to move the claw around and over a plush of a snowman mascot with a blue hat, which clasps down and lifts the doll up, only to lose grip halfway through. The claw retracts back to its starting position, prompting the teen to try again to secure the plush, only to meet similar failure.​
The teen goes through his pockets for more spare change, counting the coins in his hand, only to pocket them annoyedly. The attendant looks across the counter in time to spot the teen muttering to himself before he looks through his wallet, and makes his way back towards the line of refrigerated shelves at the back of the store.​

[23:36:44] - Store Rear Camera
The camera focuses on the teen as he browses the drink section, the Teddiursa poking about at some snack foods on a nearby shelf. In the background the attendant raises out an arm, when a shadowy patch forms inside the plexiglass of the crane machine and its contents abruptly vanish from view. The Teddiursa turns towards the crane machine in time to see the patch forming, before turning back towards the counter and seeing the girl at the counter. The girl drops her arm and the patch vanishes to reveal an empty crane machine. The Teddiursa recoils with a start, going up and pawing at the leg of the trainer who sighs and grabs a white can with 'Psycho Soda' branding on it before walking back for the counter.​

[23:37:31] - Store Front Camera
The teen walks up to the counter and slides the soda across with a tatty banknote as the Teddiursa continues to paw at his trainer's leg. The attendant makes change and slides the drink over in a plastic bag, along with the snowman mascot doll at the top. The teen pauses for a moment, taking the doll into his hands and giving an incredulous stare back as the pair converse for a moment. The Teddiursa grows agitated and waves his arms for attention, making both the attendant and trainer stare at it as it attempts to say something to the two humans in its own language. The unheard explanation doing little other than draw confusion, as the trainer gives an apologetic nod and takes the bag off the counter on his way for the door.​

[23:38:33] - Store Rear Camera
The teen exits the store along with the Teddiursa, who reluctantly follows behind, stealing glances over his shoulder towards the attendant all the while. The attendant watches out the doors after they slide shut for a few moments, before raising her arm again. The shadowy patch in the crane machine re-forms, and the missing dolls abruptly get thrust up. The girl lowers her arm as the patch vanishes, the dolls in the machine settling as the attendant turns her attention back to the television behind the counter.​



08/09/09

[23:46:58] - Store Front Camera
The station attendant stares up at the camera in the corner and contorts her face in front of it. Sticking her tongue out one moment, then pulling her mouth wide, then pulling her eyelid down as she cycles through a few expressions to amuse herself. The automatic doors to the convenience store slide open, making the girl pause and turn back just in time to spot the blue-suited man and pink-dressed woman from a few days prior entering again with visibly unamused expressions.​
The elderly couple approach the counter as the attendant's shoulders rise and fall as her head hangs with the force of an apparent sigh, the two parties talking with each other in an increasingly hostile and confrontational manner. What starts out as grudging chatter spirals into unvoiced shouts, with the elderly man leaning forward on his hands onto the counter and revealing diamond cufflinks as the station attendant accusingly points a finger back into his face.​
The elderly couple say nothing for a short moment and quietly scowl before turning and heading for the door. The attendant frustratedly crumples up a paper from the counter and throws it aside before flopping down in her chair and pinching her brow. She raises her arm and a shadowy patch forms at the bottom of a shelf in the leftmost aisle stocked with tube chips. One of the tubes falls in when the girl pulls her arm in and deposits the tube onto the counter through a similar portal, before dispelling them with a flick of her arm as she sulkily helps herself to the freshly-summoned chips.​



08/09/10

[23:55:46] - Store Exterior Camera
The outside camera rolls as a compact green flatbed truck much like those used on the nearby farms in the area pulls in at the island furthest from the automatic doors. The truck stops behind the gas pumps when a pair of unkempt men, a lanky driver and a stocky passenger, exit. The pair reach into their pockets to produce a pair of Pokéballs that let out a Snover and a Duskull before crossing the islands with their Pokémon over towards the convenience store. During the walk, the stocky man runs his hand into a coat pocket, grasping at a handle to a partly obscured object inside.​

[23:56:13] - Store Front Camera
The station attendant sits inside casually perusing through a tabloid magazine with a cover depicting a violet hole in the sky over a mountain. The headline of the tabloid crosses the field of vision of the camera in a few frames, alleging a government cover-up of an interdimensional invasion at the time of a bizarre incident at Mt. Coronet caused by a now scandal-plagued Sinnohan energy company. The men and their Pokémon enter the convenience store, the Snover and Duskull crouching and visibly assuming aggressive postures. The stocky man pulls a knife out from his coat pocket and holds it out at the station attendant, gesturing sharply at the cash register.​
The girl's demeanor suddenly becomes agitated as she stamps her foot and raises a hand back accusingly, training her eyes down at the Snover and Duskull with a piercing glare. The two Pokémon's eyes shoot wide and the pair hastily flinch and retreat, visibly shrinking away from the girl at the counter. The trainers look at their Pokémon for a second, the lanky man agitatedly calling out to them as the stocky man lunges across the counter and swings the knife at the girl. The knife runs across her arm as black, shadowy fluid comes out and splatters in globs along the floor, the two men recoiling as the girl melts into a black blob behind the counter.​
The stocky man stumbles back in a panic when a shadowy portal abruptly opens up, and he gets sucked into a void along with the shelves. The Snover and Duskull similarly fail to elude the void, and are caught briefly flailing in terror by the camera as they fall from view. The lanky man hastily turns and runs, forcing his way through the automatic doors as the portal vanishes, leaving behind a handful of toppled shelves and merchandise as a black shadow moves across the ground after him.​

[23:57:40] - Store Exterior Camera
The lanky man sprints across the pavement of the gas station for the flatbed truck, hurriedly pulling the driver's side door open and clambering in. All the while, the shadowy presence from the convenience store crosses the pavement, sliding underneath the truck just as the tail lights flicker to life. In front of the flatbed, a black, towering shadow rears up, glowing red eyes gazing down as a pair of black wings unfurl open with six red spikes and shadowy globs strike the pavement around the truck.​
The flatbed shoots back in reverse as the wings taper and the spikes shift upwards, a red glimmer lighting up a beaked maw before the shadowy being pounces on the truck. The camera jolts and loses focus for a moment, refocusing just long enough to catch a black, serpentine figure descending into a shadowy portal and the flatbed's taillights glimmering before falling out of view.​
The portal churns uneasily for about ten seconds, before it shrinks and the shadowy blob reforms into the station attendant's figure standing amid fresh tire tracks and visibly cracked pavement. The station attendant looks around for a moment, before adjusting her cap and making her way back to the convenience store.​

[23:58:11] - Store Front Camera
The camera rolls over the emptied store, when the camera abruptly shakes and items on the remaining shelves go flying onto the floor. The refrigerated shelves at the back of the store swing open as a few glass bottles shatter on the floor and other containers roll out. The camera refocuses as a few stray items topple over and the damaged bottles' contents puddle on the ground. The doors to the gas station open as the attendant steps in and freezes, looking about at the mess left behind as her face locks up in a frightened blanch.​



08/09/11

[00:04:23] - Store Front Camera
The gas station attendant darts around on the storeroom floor, kicking aside debris as she turns and gestures about different places in the room. Every time, a missing piece of the trashed mini-mart comes back. A shelf here, a display there, until the floor of the convenience store begins to resemble a battered shell of itself. The girl hurriedly throws stock back onto the shelves via her portals, not paying particular mind as to whether the items even make it on the shelf. All of a sudden, as the attendant wrestles a freshly-retrieved tea dispenser from a the abyss, she abruptly stops, dropping it onto the ground as red strobing lights flash from outside.​

[00:05:39] - Store Exterior Camera
The exterior camera lights up with flashing red lights as a police cruiser in black and white livery pulls up at the innermost island. The car stops as an officer in a blue pantsuit and cap exits and aims a Pokéball at the ground, tapping the center to let out a Growlithe that materializes in a flash of red light. The Growlithe circles about and stretches a moment, before following alongside the officer as she approaches the store and the automatic doors slide open.​

[00:06:14] - Store Front Camera
The attendant freezes for a moment and backpedals as the officer and her Growlithe come in. The officer stops the girl and looks about the trashed shop before turning back to talk to the attendant. The attendant's body language becomes stiff and evasive, which makes the officer and her Pokémon grow suspicious. The officer reaches for a radio when the doors open and the elderly couple in blue and pink walk in. The pair talk with the officer and pull her aside, and after a moment's conversation are allowed past to go to the station attendant. The officer sighs and jots some notes down before passing a card over to the attendant and starting to leave when she notices that her Growlithe isn't following along.​
The Growlithe remains fixed with a tense stance scowling at the station attendant and the elderly couple, the officer calls out to the Growlithe a few times, who grudgingly relents and follows along. The couple and girl keenly watch after the departing officer and her service Pokémon as they exit the camera's view, red lights strobing a few moments before vanishing and returning the store back to its normal white-lighted hue. The elderly man and woman turn their attention back to the gray-haired girl and talk briefly, with no hints of the same agitation present in their earlier encounters before taking their leave. The attendant watches as the pair depart into the night before going back behind the counter pinching her brow when she stops and looks up at the camera, staring into it as her face locks up into a horrified grimace.​



08/09/12

[23:31:22] - Store Rear Camera
The station attendant walks along the aisles, scrubbing at the floor with a mop and rolling bucket at patches of the flooring still flecked with stubborn residue from drinks spilled on the night of the robbery. The woman pauses a moment and turns back towards the counter, where the television behind the counter had since been moved by the attendant to be visible from across the counter. The camera's angle just managing to capture a brief clip of an overturned green light truck on the television. The flash of Pokémon being recalled into their Pokéballs can be faintly be made out, before the television feed shows two men being led away in handcuffs by police.​
The attendant turns back to her mop, frustratedly jamming it against the flooring a few times before throwing it to the ground. With a quick flick of her arm, the woman casts a portal in front of her, the mop and rolling bucket fall from view before she dispels the portal. No trace of the cleaning implements are left behind, as the woman puts her head in her hands and paws at it in frustration.​
In the background, the automatic door opens and the gray-haired trainer with his Teddiursa enter. The pair look off at the attendant for a moment, before heading to the far left of the camera and heading to the refrigerators at the end to grab a pair of yellow-and-white cans with pictures of fruit bearing red 'MIX' labeling along with subscript too small for the camera to make legible. The teen turns and begins to walk across the camera's field of view with his drinks, before calling out to the attendant, who recoils and whirls around to face the teen. There is an awkward moment of conversation afterwards, the Teddiursa keenly eying the young woman all the while as the teen drifts back to the counter, the attendant warily following after.​

[23:33:31] - Store Front Camera
The teen makes his way to the counter with his Teddiursa and slides the cans across the counter. The attendant follows along, before heading to the right of the camera and after leaving the camera's field of view, reappears on the other end. The attendant starts to ring up the drinks, stopping after the first one when the teen talks with her. The two drift off in conversation for a brief moment, the attendant ringing up the second can before a noticeable pause. The Teddiursa paws again at his trainer's leg, prompting the teen to look down before turning back to the attendant and giving an apologetic explanation. The attendant waves the matter off, her body language more relaxed than it had been just minutes before, and passes the fruit drinks back across the counter along with change.​
The teen takes the canned drinks and opens them, one for himself, one for his Pokémon, before leaving the store, the Teddiursa once again stealing a glance over his shoulder as he leaves with his can in his paws. The attendant looks after the pair for a moment, before looking up directly at the camera and visibly pausing in thought.​



08/09/13

[00:00:11] - Store Front Camera
The station attendant looks up at the camera, occasionally glancing down at an instruction booklet lined with text and diagrams of a security camera. The girl shakes her head, and raises her hand up towards the camera when the automatic doors open and the elderly couple in blue and pink return into the store. The girl looks over her shoulder as they call out, looking back into the camera and falters for a moment. A small smile spreads over her face as she takes her hand back and dumps the booklet on the counter, flipping it over onto its back where she grabs a nearby pen and jots down sequences of numbers and dashes, their regular format and order revealing them to be rough timestamps. The elderly couple beckon the attendant after them, prompting her to throw her outfit's cap aside and follow the pair through the automatic door and onto the tarmac of the gas pumps.​

[00:01:08] - Store Exterior Camera
The elderly couple and the station attendant walk past the gas pumps, gathering in a circle just past the eave of the gas station's roof. The man in the blue suit steps back as a flash envelops his body and the camera shakes violently. The gas station's lights abruptly cut out as a blue portal opens up into the air, the blurry frames capturing the darkened form of a massive four-legged creature vaulting through it. The shaking continues as a pink portal opens and a similar scene unfolds with a long-necked creature with winged shoulders vanishing through it, before the scene plunges into darkness.​
The camera settles for a moment as the lights flicker back on, revealing an inky shadow just to the left of the gas station island closest to the road. In it, a pair of red eyes peer out, as a crested head pokes out briefly, before slipping away into the darkness. The portal on the ground vanishes, revealing cracked and shattered concrete around clawed impressions that overlap with each other.​
A few minutes pass by, when a white sport utility vehicle with a spare tire mounted on the trunk drives up to the gas station. The car slows and abruptly stops near the broken concrete, the driver parking the car and stepping out to reveal the manager from the first day's footage. The manager walks out over the shattered concrete and stares at it, giving a puzzled kick before looking around and making his way past the gas pumps for the convenience store.​

[00:06:26] - Store Front Camera
The interior of the convenience store lays illuminated and abandoned, a few display stands toppled over as stray items knocked off the shelves from the tremors fleck the floors. The automatic doors open and the manager looks around at the scene, looking at the vacated counter and calling out before walking around. The man circles about the aisles, occasionally placing objects back onto the shelves on his way, before pausing and scratching his head. He disappears off-camera into the backroom for a few minutes, before coming back with a flummoxed expression. The man shakes his head and raises a gray older-model Pokégear to place a call when he passes the counter and notices the attendant's booklet laying on it. He raises it and inspects it, turning around so the camera sees the cover revealing it to be an instruction manual for the security cameras, and looks up incredulously at the camera. The man makes his way behind the counter, and raises his hand to the camera, the feed cutting out as the recording ends.​
 
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K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
No audio review


here for the blitz and to remedy this stories lack of reviews

Word count 826
weekly theme: (less than 4 reviews) yes


Alright, the formatting was a little odd. Initially, I thought I was reading a police report due to the viewpoint of the security cameras. As time went on the tone proved more casual and made me drop that theory. So who was watching was something of a mystery and seemed a rather irrelevant one as the fic went on.

8.8

I liked the build-up of the setting, each camera is introduced almost as a character as it supervises the attendant, the gas station, we get a good snapshot of what is where and some hints… rather strong ones of the main attendant's unusual nature. Initially, my first guess was that she was partnered with a mischievous ghost type ‘mon, but her red eyes and the total control she showed off her portals made me drop that theory a little later in.

8.9

Superpowers can only go so far, you’ve got to cut open what you’ve “ported” out of storage it seems. I like her rather mundane irritation in realizing that she’s legitimately going to have to work at her work, minimally, but still. It’s very human for something that obviously isn’t. Also, her thoughtfulness in getting the couple their change back shows a sweet streak that contrasts yet complements the trolling look she cast at the counter at the end of her interview.

Ah, tail end shift boredom, been there, done that… May have once organized a set of colored lighters into geometric patterns behind the counter a few times, or done a round of dominoes… Though I’m wondering why she isn’t freaking out over the cameras seeing her supernatural skills since eventually, someone’s going to review the footage. I seriously worked at a place where the boss could and would review the footage while you were working and then call to complain if you weren’t keeping busy enough for his tastes.

The color of the pair ort of jingled an alarm in my head. That and the diamond/pearl jewelry basically raised it to a claxon… I really wish there was audio at some point but there isn’t/wasn’t because that conversation must have been interesting.

The doodle, especially the vague descriptor of the two “caricatures” put the final nail in the coffin, I’m pretty sure I’m 100 percent sure who we’re dealing with. Though why they’re out here in the middle of a gas station’s a bit of a mystery.

I wonder if the Ted’ can actually see through the glamor, or smell it, or something. Seriously it’d be like going to the store and finding a deity or saint or spirit behind the counter. The mon takes it well and her interactions with the kid come across as sweet. And why not use your powers to convenience people you like?

It’s a shame that canonically the main character has such a bad reputation they seem legitimately kind and courteous across the board.

Having worked retail… you’ve got to love those customers barking at you about where the beer aisle is… and pointing to sign as a reply they scold you for telling them and it's your fault for them missing the giant sign hanging on the back wall/ceiling/and the only logical place for freezers to be in a square-shaped room…

She’s very much tit for tat, isn’t she? I’m surprised she didn’t rain the trash when he was on the bike but that might have been too obvious…

Ted’: Seriously supernatural stuff happening right behind you, please turn. Shakes trainer's leg and points with claws to a creepy event.

Trainer: cheerily oblivious and hungry and focusing on getting snacks.

Ted’: scales up attention-getting efforts. Gets desperate enough to try to talk though that’s never worked before.

Nami: secretly trying not to laugh head off since she understands the freakout and is poker facing so hard.

And seriously I’m getting mom/dad or older sib vibes off of the elderly couple here. The "I'm not mad, just disappointed" because we caught you playing with the camera…

8.10

I’m shocked the ‘mon went into the door really. Since Ted’ recognized… anyway these are a pair of very very stupid thieves and they totally get their just deserts.

Why am I not surprised that the canon events of the game are regulated to tabloids.

And after the aftershocks, I can so hear her muttering while she tries her supernatural tidy..

“crap crap did not mean to earthquake the store… Gah it’s such a mess, oh great the cops!”

Seriously these poor traumatized ‘mon Ted’ and Gowl’ should totally make a support group with counseling services at this point… they’d have two whole new members once their trainers get out of prison.

When the store owner actually gets to the footage, well I hope he’s sitting when he’s watching. Since the attendant was researching I didn’t think she got to the hacking level of skills to wipe away her trail, but that’s not a really big point.

Anyway thanks for sharing this fic it was a fun read. Hopefully, more will drop you a line.
 

Bluwiikoon

waow!
Location
Gensokyo, Past and Present ~ Flower Land
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. nosepass-bluwiikoon
Hi howdy! Checking this out based on a rec in one thread or another :D

The following silent video footage was recovered from the surveillance cameras of a gas station south of Eterna City in mid-September of 2008 by Sinnohan law enforcement. The below snippets were entered as evidence in an ongoing investigation regarding a series of civil disturbances at the site that remain unresolved to this day.
Immediate intrigue! Footage that still remains unsolved to this day, huh? Given that this is a world with pokemon, we must be in for some really wacky and/or spooky shenanigans right here.

The automatic doors slide open, as a balding man wearing a purple shirt with a black flame logo over its chest pocket enters followed by a gray-haired young woman with a cap similarly bearing the same logo, proudly marking the gas station as a franchisee of Altru Incorporated and the pair as employees.
The same Altru from pokemon ranger?? :O INTERESTING

The man leads the young woman behind the counter, pointing out the cashier and barcode scanner, along with a set of keys on a ring to a pair of doors on the left end of the camera's field of view. One door opens to reveal glimpses of stacked boxes, evidently the store's backroom, the other provides a fleeting glimpse of a sink and a toilet in front of a simple mirror. All the while, the young woman appears disinterested, fidgeting with a name tag that a brief moment where it lining up with the camera's angle reveals to be labelled 'Nami'. She nods along occasionally as the balding man leads her down the aisles, pointing out the merchandise in different sections, before opening the fridges, and stopping to point up at the camera.
New employee training time? And a named character! ^^ I'm guessing at this point that Nami either has ulterior motives, or is just putting the exact amount of effort in that a minimum wage job begets.

Back from behind the counter, the young woman flippantly waves the man off by the refrigerators on the other end of the store, her words not captured by the security footage, but evidently seeming to not please the man much. Nevertheless, he moves along, quickly leaving the store all to the woman's self.
>:o Intrigue! Mystery! I wonder what he said to receive that response - or, if again, this is simply what you get when you're paying someone a minimum wage at a dinky gas station.

She pauses a moment, giving a careful look around before throwing an arm out. A black shadow forms under a pink box of frosted biscuit sticks on the shelves immediately to front left of the store's counter, which exits out another shadowy portal that forms on the ceiling by the refrigerators.
:O SHADOW PORTAL POWERS?? Is Nami secretly Darkrai, or Darkrai-aligned? Ohohoho

The woman throws her hand up, catching the pink box in midair before turning a pair of red eyes up at the camera with a devious smile, waving it tauntingly as she begins to help herself to the snacks inside.
Hell yeah Nami you earned those snacks >:) What a delightfully mischievous character, even smiling at the camera! She must be very confident that nobody's gonna be able to catch her out for this series of events.

The camera shows the young woman back behind the counter, lazily kicking her feet up as she points off at the aisles. Every time she does so, a black, shadowy patch forms, before items emerge from them. A box of chewing gum, a few bottles of Altru-branded motor oil taped together, the process repeating here and there across the shelves until they are once again filled.
Shadow portal powers definitely seems to make the restocking process a whole lot easier! Seems that she's still trying to do a good/adequate job while working here, even if she's snacking on stray items or stealing things away. Does Nami need money for something?

The attendant then retraces her steps back to the counter, scowling down at her handful of rubbish before looking down at the ground. A black patch abruptly forms by her feet, prompting her to unceremoniously drop the trash ball down the patch before turning towards the door and hurriedly darting back behind the counter.
If only disposing of things was this easy in real life! Even if she is secretly a Dark pokemon, she might just be the ideal store employee LOL.

The attendant composes herself as the door opens and a young couple steps in.
Avoiding having her powers discovered just in time! :D

The couple nod back in thanks and make their way for the outside of the store when an errant coin slips out and falls onto the ground. The attendant looks over disinterestedly at the coin and then off at the door for a moment, before getting up and shaking her head.

A black shadow forms under the coin, letting it drop into the abyss. Another shadow forms beside the woman, which she steps into and drops down, the patch closing up behind her to reveal the normal linoleum tiling underneath.
She's taking the coin...?-Oh dang Nami where are you going :eek:

On the pavement just outside the store's doors, a shadowy patch forms and a coin shoots out, followed by the gray-haired woman jumping out. The attendant snatches the coin from the air, before adjusting her cap and rounding the pumps where she calls out inaudibly to the man.
:D NAMI DOING A GOOD DEED!!!!!! She really doesn't seem malicious or anything so far, which is really surprising to me. I'm excited to keep reading on and see where this goes!

The attendant runs the card into a reader, before looking down at a screen and handing it back, leaving the college students to grimace before the student with glasses speaks up. A few other cards are passed over the counter, evidently not intended to be used for normal payment only for the attendant to deny them. The children in the background slink off past the doors, while the woman directs the students back for the door, casting glances at the windows every now and then as the three trod off in visible disappointment.
D: Aww noooo!!! The students are gonna be stranded! Oh, to be broke college students whom have their cards denied at the gas station.

An ominous purple glow comes from the base of the blue coupe , which lingers a bit before fading. The automatic doors slide open as the students who were turned away from the counter exit and come back into the view of the camera, making their way for the coupe as one of them takes out a blue Pokégear and begins to press some buttons on it when the student with the glasses taps at his shoulder.

The student with the Pokégear goes up to the blue car, noticing something strange, before opening the driver's side door and starting the engine. The car's lights flicker on and the exhaust pipe rattles slightly, much to the astonishment of the other two students. The driver gets back out and stares incredulously back at the open pump, before looking back off at the road in the direction the woman's hatchback drove off in. The students shrug their shoulders, the driver twisting the gas cap shut and closing its cover before the three re-enter their vehicle and drive off into the night.
NAMI OMG!!!!! She is doing so many good deeds and nice things! :D I bet this will be a fun story at all of the students' future college gatherings LOL

From behind the counter, the camera captures the gray-haired attendant lazily slouched over the counter, idly moving a hand back and forth. With each motion, a shadow forms from behind the glass of the refrigerators, and another forms over a few tiles near the checkout counter as a can pops up, the process repeating a few times as the attendant little by little creates a pyramid of soda cans in front of the rightmost line of shelves.
Not only doing the regular busywork twice as fast, but making awesome little displays for the store?? Give this gal a raise, holy shit.

The automatic doors open, prompting the attendant to hastily stop as a gray-haired male teen enters the store. The attendant hastily turns her attention over to the cash register, opening it and pretending to be busy changing money as the teen drifts down the aisles. The teen lingers for a moment, before taking a few items off the far left row of shelves, making his way off to the counter where he slides a map and compass over with a pair of bills.
AM HUMAN, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SHADOWY PORTAL SHENANIGANS

The attendant turns her attention back, her motions stiff and uncomfortable as she takes the bills and makes change, passing it back across the counter with the map and compass.
Hmm, is maintaining a human disguise quite taxing and uncomfortable? Or, is this simply anxiety/embarrassment?

The camera rolls showing the attendant lazing with her feet on the counter, idly throwing a paper ball into shadow on the ground ahead, which pops up again unseen from the camera to the right. The woman snatches the returning ball out of the air, repeating the process a few times for her amusement before noticing the automatic doors at the front sliding open.
:D Fun playing with portals! Totally understandable when work is slow. I really enjoy seeing all the ways you're being creative with Nami's portal powers!

An elderly man in a blue suit and an elderly woman in a pink dress and a pearl necklace step in, their faces contorted into sharp frowns. The attendant gets up and lets her paper ball fall behind the counter, hastily dispelling the portals. The elderly couple stomp up to the counter, shooting harsh glares across the counter as the pair and the attendant quickly get into a heated, unheard argument, complete with accusing gestures at each other.
I don't think I remember these customers, so why is everybody so angry? D: Conspiracy theory: man is Dialga, woman is Palkia, Nami is Giratina? And they're mad that Nami is working a minimum wage job instead of doing whatever Giratina is supposed to do?

The woman from the elderly couple loses her temper and slams a fist against the counter, which makes the camera and shelves shake and the lights overhead flicker, a nearby rack of postcards along the wall toppling over which the attendant hastily stops by casting a shadow under its leg closest to the counter, making it wobble in a circle before coming to a stop
Jesus christ that's gotta be a strong elderly woman to cause all of that chaos. Is this the conglomeration of Pokemon In Disguise? Of note: nobody seems to be freaking out about the shadow portal right now.

The attendant stares ahead into space for a moment, before slumping against the counter and burying her face in her hands.
:( Namiiii honeyyy... one could think this is simply job stress, but...?

The station attendant is crouched down against the counter, lazily doodling on a paper with a pen. She lifts it up to inspect it, revealing a doodle of a banded serpentine figure trailing six arms behind its head, along with unflattering caricatures of a four-legged creature with a tall head and a bipedal creature with shield-like shoulders.
Oh they are totally secretly the creation trio. Especially with the unflattering caricatures!

The gray-haired teen from two days ago enters, this time followed closely by a Teddiursa. The attendant looks over the pair curiously as the boy goes through the shelves and picks out some snack items before bringing it to the counter, his Pokémon latching onto the ledge of the counter.
:D Teddi friend! And snacks for Teddi friend!!! Oh hell yeah this is a good day. I assume this one boy must be quite local to the area, perhaps living in Eterna or Oreburgh?

The teen notices the drawing and begins to strike up idle chatter with the attendant. The conversation goes on for a bit, the woman's mood improving as it goes on as small smiles and laughter begin to creep over her face. The attendant wavers a moment, before forming a shadow from behind the counter and quickly stooping to grab from it unseen, pulling out a bottle of water. The attendant gets up and passes the water bottle across the counter to the teen, who takes it and inspects it puzzledly, before slipping it into a plastic bag with his snacks and carrying on. The trainer and his Pokémon head off past the automatic doors and leaving the attendant to wave after, and turn her attention back to the store in higher spirits.
Cracking jokes about dialga and palkia, perhaps? :D I'm so happy to see them having a good time here! And, a free bottle of water too, for helping cheer Nami up! This is good times.

The attendant and the manager walk down the rightmost aisle, the manager looking around as the attendant talks with him with a forced, bubbly atmosphere while occasionally casting glances leftward. All the while, in the central aisle, boxes and bags shuffle around after dropping into and reappearing from shadowy portals. The attendant rounds the corner when the shadows abruptly vanish, the manager seeing the central aisle all in order. As he begins heading down it, the attendant repeats the process with the leftmost aisle, stopping as the manager rounds the bend and begins to walk up towards the refrigerators below the cameras.
OPERATION: HIDE ALL THE MESS

The manager stops and speaks inaudibly with the attendant a moment before heading off, leaving her to wave him off and wait for him to slip past the automatic doors. The woman waits for the manager to slip past, before forming a shadow in the ceiling and snatching a remote that falls towards the ground. The attendant catches the remote and plays around with it in her hands as she makes her way back towards the counter, sitting down and turning towards a small, boxy monitor along the wall. The woman pulls up a chair and turns around, clicking the remote as the screen flickers to life with a glow, the woman staring at it unbothered by the rest of the empty store.
Operation: success! :D Now Nami may simply watch tv and chill.

The attendant stares off at the glow of a television behind the counter when the entrance doors open and a shaved roughneck with a jacket sporting a Gyarados design enters. The husky man snaps at the young woman impatiently, prompting her to turn around as the roughneck gestures with an accusing waggle of his finger.

The attendant glares and frustratedly points off at the back of the store where the refrigerators are, leaving the customer to drift off back towards it. She looks off past the doors a moment and lowers her head in focus.
Rude and mean! Sigh, retail is like that sometimes :(

Outside, a red motorcycle is parked in front of the pumps. A violet light glimmers from a dumpster to the background of the right end of camera's field of view when a shadowy mist forms on the top of the station's island, and abruptly rains garbage onto the motorcycle below.
Ohoho! REVENGE >:) That's what you get for being nasty to store employees!

The attendant brusquely rings up the roughneck, who walks off with a case of beer. The attendant gets up as the man leaves, and turns a sign in the window such that it reads 'OPEN' facing the camera, before locking the doors and turning off the lights. In the dark, the woman's form melts and dissipates from the camera's view as the roughneck can be seen back at the door beating at the doors. The man continues pounding at the doors fruitlessly for a while, before stopping and turning away. Roughly a minute passes, before the lights from outside dim as headlights move by and vanish, leaving behind the darkened and shuttered market as a pair of red, glowing dots of light each about the size of a softball appear on the floor.
:O SHE MELTS!!!!! She glows the eyes! Also: roughneck man got what he deserved >:)

The automatic doors slide open as the gray-haired Teddiursa trainer from prior days walks in, his tan-furred charge following close behind him. The attendant turns her head over the counter, watching as the boy makes his way to a crane machine and inserts a few coins. Through the glare of the plexiglass, the claw can be seen swaying, as the teen maneuvers the controls to move the claw around and over a plush of a snowman mascot with a blue hat, which clasps down and lifts the doll up, only to lose grip halfway through. The claw retracts back to its starting position, prompting the teen to try again to secure the plush, only to meet similar failure.

The teen goes through his pockets for more spare change, counting the coins in his hand, only to pocket them annoyedly. The attendant looks across the counter in time to spot the teen muttering to himself before he looks through his wallet, and makes his way back towards the line of refrigerated shelves at the back of the store.
I can see where this may be going! :D Nami 'bout to do an epic good guy maneuver?

The Teddiursa turns towards the crane machine in time to see the patch forming, before turning back towards the counter and seeing the girl at the counter. The girl drops her arm and the patch vanishes to reveal an empty crane machine. The Teddiursa recoils with a start, going up and pawing at the leg of the trainer who sighs and grabs a white can with 'Psycho Soda' branding on it before walking back for the counter
Good thing Teddi can't speak human language, or they would have some words right now, hoo boy!

The teen walks up to the counter and slides the soda across with a tatty banknote as the Teddiursa continues to paw at his trainer's leg. The attendant makes change and slides the drink over in a plastic bag, along with the snowman mascot doll at the top. The teen pauses for a moment, taking the doll into his hands and giving an incredulous stare back as the pair converse for a moment.
:D GOOD GUY NAMI STRIKES AGAIN!!!!! HELL YEAH

The teen exits the store along with the Teddiursa, who reluctantly follows behind, stealing glances over his shoulder towards the attendant all the while.
Teddiursa has their eyes on you! >:o

Of note: 9 days on the job, and nobody has once checked the cameras and seen all of this happening? Seems apt!

The station attendant stares up at the camera in the corner and contorts her face in front of it. Sticking her tongue out one moment, then pulling her mouth wide, then pulling her eyelid down as she cycles through a few expressions to amuse herself. The automatic doors to the convenience store slide open, making the girl pause and turn back just in time to spot the blue-suited man and pink-dressed woman from a few days prior entering again with visibly unamused expressions.

The elderly couple approach the counter as the attendant lets out an aggravated sigh, the two parties talking with each other in an increasingly hostile and confrontational manner. What starts out as grudging chatter spirals into unvoiced shouts, with the elderly man leaning forward on his hands onto the counter and revealing diamond cufflinks as the station attendant accusingly points a finger back into his face.
>:( Dialga and Palkia are clearly rich and affluent here, so give poor Gira!Nami some slack! Some people have to actually work for their snacks, dang it!

The attendant frustratedly crumples up a paper from the counter and throws it aside before flopping down in her chair and pinching her brow. She raises her arm and a shadowy patch forms at the bottom of a shelf in the leftmost aisle stocked with tube chips. One of the tubes falls in when the girl pulls her arm in and deposits the tube onto the counter through a similar portal, before dispelling them with a flick of her arm as she sulkily helps herself to the freshly-summoned chips.
:( Namiiiiii. I know so little, and yet I want her to have all the snacks and all of the nice things.

The outside camera rolls as a compact green flatbed truck much like those used on the nearby farms in the area pulls in at the island furthest from the automatic doors. The truck stops behind the gas pumps when a pair of unkempt men, a lanky driver and a stocky passenger, exit. The pair reach into their pockets to produce a pair of Pokéballs that let out a Snover and a Duskull before crossing the islands with their Pokémon over towards the convenience store. During the walk, the stocky man runs his hand into a coat pocket, grasping at a handle to a partly obscured object inside.
OHHHHH NOOOOO. Sh*t is 'bout to go DOWN, and it isn't gonna be pretty. In my mind, I am consuming vast amounts of popcorn watching this unfold.

The station attendant sits inside casually perusing through a tabloid magazine with a cover depicting a violet hole in the sky over a mountain. The headline of the tabloid crosses the field of vision of the camera in a few frames, alleging a government cover-up of an interdimensional invasion at the time of a bizarre incident at Mt. Coronet caused by a now scandal-plagued Sinnohan energy company.
Completely unrelated and just mere flavour text for the current story, I'm sure!

The men and their Pokémon enter the convenience store, the Snover and Duskull crouching and visibly assuming aggressive postures. The stocky man pulls a knife out from his coat pocket and holds it out at the station attendant, gesturing sharply at the cash register.
Top 10 Anime Deaths (NOT CLICKBAIT)

The girl's demeanor suddenly becomes agitated as she stamps her foot and raises a hand back accusingly, training her eyes down at the Snover and Duskull with a piercing glare. The two Pokémon's eyes shoot wide and the pair hastily flinch and retreat, visibly shrinking away from the girl at the counter.
Ahuhuhu. They may not know who she is, but they know they goofed up. >:)

The trainers look at their Pokémon for a second, the lanky man agitatedly calling out to them as the stocky man lunges across the counter and swings the knife at the girl. The knife runs across her arm as black, shadowy fluid comes out and splatters in globs along the floor, the two men recoiling as the girl melts into a black blob behind the counter.
OHHHHHHHH DANGGGG >:) AHUHUHUHU
This isn't even her final form! Now you really doofed up.

The stocky man stumbles back in a panic when a shadowy portal abruptly opens up, and he gets sucked into a void along with the shelves. The Snover and Duskull similarly fail to elude the void, and are caught briefly flailing in terror by the camera as they fall from view. The lanky man hastily turns and runs, forcing his way through the automatic doors as the portal vanishes, leaving behind a handful of toppled shelves and merchandise as a black shadow moves across the ground after him.
Cute how he thinks he can just run from her! >:D Good lord though, that's gonna be hell to clean up after. You really had to attack the secret dimensional god, huh?

The lanky man sprints across the pavement of the gas station for the flatbed truck, hurriedly pulling the driver's side door open and clambering in. All the while, the shadowy presence from the convenience store crosses the pavement, sliding underneath the truck just as the tail lights flicker to life. In front of the flatbed, a black, towering shadow rears up, glowing red eyes gazing down as a pair of black wings unfurl open with six red spikes and shadowy globs strike the pavement around the truck.
She's finally here!!! :D The REAL Nami! Fuck yeah this is satisfying. I am so stoked for this awful little man to have a bad time.

The flatbed shoots back in reverse as the wings taper and the spikes shift upwards, a red glimmer lighting up a beaked maw before the shadowy being pounces on the truck. The camera jolts and loses focus for a moment, refocusing just long enough to catch a black, serpentine figure descending into a shadowy portal and the flatbed's taillights glimmering before falling out of view.
GOOD, BRAVO, 10/10 FLAWLESS. Hashtag gottem

The portal churns uneasily for about ten seconds, before it shrinks and the shadowy blob reforms into the station attendant's figure standing amid fresh tire tracks and visibly cracked pavement. The station attendant looks around for a moment, before adjusting her cap and making her way back to the convenience store.
WELP, BACK TO WORK.

The camera rolls over the emptied store, when the camera abruptly shakes and items on the remaining shelves go flying onto the floor. The refrigerated shelves at the back of the store swing open as a few glass bottles shatter on the floor and other containers roll out. The camera refocuses as a few stray items topple over and the damaged bottles' contents puddle on the ground. The doors to the gas station open as the attendant steps in and freezes, looking about at the mess left behind as her face locks up in a frightened blanch.
Aw, hell. Picking everything up is one thing, but fixing broken things and broken glass isn't so easy :( Oh nooooooo

The gas station attendant darts around on the storeroom floor, kicking aside debris as she turns and gestures about different places in the room. Every time, a missing piece of the trashed mini-mart comes back. A shelf here, a display there, until the floor of the convenience store begins to resemble a battered shell of itself. The girl hurriedly throws stock back onto the shelves via her portals, not paying particular mind as to whether the items even make it on the shelf. All of a sudden, as the attendant wrestles a freshly-retrieved tea dispenser from a the abyss, she abruptly stops, dropping it onto the ground as red strobing lights flash from outside.
WOOP WOOP THATS THE SOUND OF THE POLICE
Will they be sympathetic towards her, or accusatory? Augh, I'm so worried for Nami. :( She's just trying her best.

The attendant freezes for a moment and backpedals as the officer and her Growlithe come in. The officer stops the girl and looks about the trashed shop before turning back to talk to the attendant. The attendant's body language becomes stiff and evasive, which makes the officer and her Pokémon grow suspicious. The officer reaches for a radio when the doors open and the elderly couple in blue and pink walk in. The pair talk with the officer and pull her aside, and after a moment's conversation are allowed past to go to the station attendant. The officer sighs and jots some notes down before passing a card over to the attendant and starting to leave when she notices that her Growlithe isn't following along.

The Growlithe remains fixed with a tense stance scowling at the station attendant and the elderly couple, the officer calls out to the Growlithe a few times, who grudgingly relents and follows along. The couple and girl keenly watch after the departing officer and her service Pokémon as they exit the camera's view, red lights strobing a few moments before vanishing and returning the store back to its normal white-lighted hue. The elderly man and woman turn their attention back to the gray-haired girl and talk briefly, with no hints of the same agitation present in their earlier encounters before taking their leave. The attendant watches as the pair depart into the night before going back behind the counter pinching her brow when she stops and looks up at the camera, staring into it as her face locks up into a horrified grimace.
Dialga and Palkia actually bail her out? But, still, nobody seems happy :( There will be consequences for this evening, I'm sure.

The woman pauses a moment and turns back towards the counter, where the television behind the counter had since been moved by the attendant to be visible from across the counter. The camera's angle just managing to capture a brief clip of an overturned green light truck on the television. The flash of Pokémon being recalled into their Pokéballs can be faintly be made out, before the television feed shows two men being led away in handcuffs by police.
Oho! So she spat the robbers out somewhere else instead of just keeping them in the distortion world forever? Still, those robbers will certainly have some very interesting things to say to the police.

The attendant turns back to her mop, frustratedly jamming it against the flooring a few times before throwing it to the ground. With a quick flick of her arm, the woman casts a portal in front of her, the mop and rolling bucket fall from view before she dispels the portal. No trace of the cleaning implements are left behind, as the woman puts her head in her hands and paws at them in frustration.
:( It has been a very hard day for Nami. God, she deserves better than all of this.

In the background, the automatic door opens and the gray-haired trainer with his Teddiursa enter. The pair look off at the attendant for a moment, before heading to the far left of the camera and heading to the refrigerators at the end to grab a pair of yellow-and-white cans with pictures of fruit bearing red 'MIX' labeling along with subscript too small for the camera to make legible. The teen turns and begins to walk across the camera's field of view with his drinks, before calling out to the attendant, who recoils and whirls around to face the teen. There is an awkward moment of conversation afterwards, the Teddiursa keenly eying the young woman all the while as the teen drifts back to the counter, the attendant warily following after.
He's back! :D I really enjoy this guy's friendliness with Nami, even as the whole store looks like a bombshell hit it. Perhaps, these kinds of things just happen to small stores sometimes, in a world filled with big lizards and rock monsters.

The attendant starts to ring up the drinks, stopping after the first one when the teen talks with her. The two drift off in conversation for a brief moment, the attendant ringing up the second can before a noticeable pause. The Teddiursa paws again at his trainer's leg, prompting the teen to look down before turning back to the attendant and giving an apologetic explanation. The attendant waves the matter off, her body language more relaxed than it had been just minutes before, and passes the fruit drinks back across the counter along with change.
:D I'M SO HAPPY THEY'RE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAA HAPPY NAMI. GOOD

The teen takes the canned drinks and opens them, one for himself, one for his Pokémon, before leaving the store, the Teddiursa once again stealing a glance over his shoulder as he leaves with his can in his paws. The attendant looks after the pair for a moment, before looking up directly at the camera and visibly pausing in thought.
:O I wonder what she's thinking about! Must have been a good chat.

The station attendant looks up at the camera, occasionally glancing down at an instruction booklet lined with text and diagrams of a security camera.
Oho! I guess they talked about the robbery, and mentioned that, perhaps, the camera would have picked something up? That definitely seems like something she should be concerned about.

The girl shakes her head, and raises her hand up towards the camera when the automatic doors open and the elderly couple in blue and pink return into the store. The girl looks over her shoulder as they call out, looking back into the camera and falters for a moment. A small smile spreads over her face as she takes her hand back and dumps the booklet on the counter, flipping it over onto its back where she grabs a nearby pen and jots down sequences of numbers and dashes, their regular format and order revealing them to be rough timestamps.
Dialga and Palkia are back! And Nami is writing down timestamps! But, for what? Is she happy to just give law enforcement the footage of her kicking the robbers' asses, plus the uhhhh, everything else she's been doing?

The elderly couple beckon the attendant after them, prompting her to throw her outfit's cap aside and follow the pair through the automatic door and onto the tarmac of the gas pumps.
Ohhhhh what is happening oh no

The elderly couple and the station attendant walk past the gas pumps, gathering in a circle just past the eave of the gas station's roof. The man in the blue suit steps back as a flash envelops his body and the camera shakes violently. The gas station's lights abruptly cut out as a blue portal opens up into the air, the blurry frames capturing the darkened form of a massive four-legged creature vaulting through it. The shaking continues as a pink portal opens and a similar scene unfolds with a long-necked creature with winged shoulders vanishing through it, before the scene plunges into darkness.
I'M NOT SAYING I CALLED IT BUT I TOTALLY CALLED IT. I guess the jig is up, now that they're revealing their full forms?

The camera settles for a moment as the lights flicker back on, revealing an inky shadow just to the left of the gas station island closest to the road. In it, a pair of red eyes peer out, as a crested head pokes out briefly, before slipping away into the darkness. The portal on the ground vanishes, revealing cracked and shattered concrete around clawed impressions that overlap with each other.
And just like that... I guess the trio is gone! Oh, Nami, you tried your best. :(

A few minutes pass by, when a white sport utility vehicle with a spare tire mounted on the trunk drives up to the gas station. The car slows and abruptly stops near the broken concrete, the driver parking the car and stepping out to reveal the manager from the first day's footage. The manager walks out over the shattered concrete and stares at it, giving a puzzled kick before looking around and making his way past the gas pumps for the convenience store.
Mr. manager 'bout to have the time of his life seeing what's happened to his store while he's been gone xD Oh, the fun!

The interior of the convenience store lays illuminated and abandoned, a few display stands toppled over as stray items knocked off the shelves from the tremors fleck the floors. The automatic doors open and the manager looks around at the scene, looking at the vacated counter and calling out before walking around. The man circles about the aisles, occasionally placing objects back onto the shelves on his way, before pausing and scratching his head. He disappears off-camera into the backroom for a few minutes, before coming back with a flummoxed expression. The man shakes his head and raises a gray older-model Pokégear to place a call when he passes the counter and notices the attendant's booklet laying on it. He raises it and inspects it, turning around so the camera sees the cover revealing it to be an instruction manual for the security cameras, and looks up incredulously at the camera. The man makes his way behind the counter, and raises his hand to the camera, the feed cutting out as the recording ends.
And... that's it! I suppose to us readers it's clear that this is the doing of Dialga, Palkia and Giratina, but in-universe they wouldn't have so readily an explanation. I suppose the real question of this story is why Giratina wanted to have a part-time gas station job, and why the whole trio were infiltrating human society in human forms. I do think this is a very effective narration, however, and that the fact that there are no answers makes it a whole lot more intriguing. The fact that this is an Altru-headed company, though... hmm...

Overall: I found this piece incredibly fun and enjoyable to read! :D Nami/Giratina is a very sympathetic and relatable protagonist, and we learn so much of her character just from body language and actions alone. Her kindness and generosity towards random customers, her camaraderie with the teen boy, her annoyance towards Dialga and Palkia, the fact that she didn't totally murder those robbers despite their wrongdoings, her commitment to working hard despite all the sh*tty things, and her mischievous side! It was an absolute blast to see her journey and her struggles through all of these silent snippets. I think you did absolutely amazing with the limitations of no audio, and that all of the personality and actions of the characters shine vividly without dialogue. Fantastic work! ^^
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Here for Review Blitz! This is me repairing me being a DINGUS and not reviewing my own BIRTHDAY GIFT.

Speaking of I need to repeat that I am so, so honored you wrote this for me and this was inspired by me. It makes me feel so warm and bubbly inside and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The "no audio", found footage aspect of this fic is really neat. It lets you do the technically no dialogue thing while still conveying character intent and emotion really well. Works well for the premise

But anyway. We start with a girl getting hired to work at some kind of Sinnoh United Dairy Farmers gas station but it turns out this is no ordinary girl, this is Giratina disguised as a girl! Giratina girl's sheer mischevious and irreverent energy absolurtely sends me, as does her creative use of Ghost type powers.

Over time we get to see more of Giratina girl's work life at the gas station. What is Giratina doing working at a gas station again? WHO KNOWS? Judging from the report alluding to the events of Platinum it may be penance for that, enforced by that old couple that is totally not Dialgia and Palkia. The three don't seem to get allong.

On the plus side though, Giratina girl makes a friend! That was sweet. And apparently swhe's eventually let off the hook after being good at dealing with pesky human nuisances like robbers? Well, all's well that ends well I suppose. Even if she did make a mess.

But super cute fic, once again thank you so much for it.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Alright, a bit belated, but knocking out my review backlog from Review Blitz for my stories that are done and dusted. Starting out with [NO AUDIO].

@K_S
Alright, the formatting was a little odd. Initially, I thought I was reading a police report due to the viewpoint of the security cameras. As time went on the tone proved more casual and made me drop that theory. So who was watching was something of a mystery and seemed a rather irrelevant one as the fic went on.

Yeah, the story went for a "found footage" format. Which was a really lazy and convenient way to meet the original writing challenge's parameters. Glad to hear that even if it took a little getting used to, that you found it enjoyable.

I liked the build-up of the setting, each camera is introduced almost as a character as it supervises the attendant, the gas station, we get a good snapshot of what is where and some hints… rather strong ones of the main attendant's unusual nature. Initially, my first guess was that she was partnered with a mischievous ghost type ‘mon, but her red eyes and the total control she showed off her portals made me drop that theory a little later in.

Partnered with a mischievous ghost type?
:loltias:


Superpowers can only go so far, you’ve got to cut open what you’ve “ported” out of storage it seems. I like her rather mundane irritation in realizing that she’s legitimately going to have to work at her work, minimally, but still. It’s very human for something that obviously isn’t. Also, her thoughtfulness in getting the couple their change back shows a sweet streak that contrasts yet complements the trolling look she cast at the counter at the end of her interview.

Yeah. Nami's a character that's fundamentally curious about other people, and I tried to make that reflect in the interactions of hers that got picked up on camera.

Ah, tail end shift boredom, been there, done that… May have once organized a set of colored lighters into geometric patterns behind the counter a few times, or done a round of dominoes… Though I’m wondering why she isn’t freaking out over the cameras seeing her supernatural skills since eventually, someone’s going to review the footage. I seriously worked at a place where the boss could and would review the footage while you were working and then call to complain if you weren’t keeping busy enough for his tastes.

Something something, store out in the boonies where the footage doesn't get checked as regularly. So she didn't think of it right then and there.

The color of the pair ort of jingled an alarm in my head. That and the diamond/pearl jewelry basically raised it to a claxon… I really wish there was audio at some point but there isn’t/wasn’t because that conversation must have been interesting.

Yeah, alas. Such is life when you have a writing challenge to meet. Though I'd imagine the gist of it basically boiled down to "you're not supposed to be here".

The doodle, especially the vague descriptor of the two “caricatures” put the final nail in the coffin, I’m pretty sure I’m 100 percent sure who we’re dealing with. Though why they’re out here in the middle of a gas station’s a bit of a mystery.

One party wants to go out and see the world outside her normal neighborhood. The others aren't terribly happy about it and don't particularly approve of the decision-making.

I wonder if the Ted’ can actually see through the glamor, or smell it, or something. Seriously it’d be like going to the store and finding a deity or saint or spirit behind the counter. The mon takes it well and her interactions with the kid come across as sweet. And why not use your powers to convenience people you like?

Teddie there is intended be able to see through the glamour yes. Perhaps not literally, but enough to know that that's no girl behind the counter.

It’s a shame that canonically the main character has such a bad reputation they seem legitimately kind and courteous across the board.

Yeah, past actions, whether accurately remembered or not, have a way of sticking with you a long time after the fact. Doesn't keep you from being a nice personality to deal with in the present.

Having worked retail… you’ve got to love those customers barking at you about where the beer aisle is… and pointing to sign as a reply they scold you for telling them and it's your fault for them missing the giant sign hanging on the back wall/ceiling/and the only logical place for freezers to be in a square-shaped room…

Fortunately for this story, Nami is a bit more empowered in dealing with such characters.

She’s very much tit for tat, isn’t she? I’m surprised she didn’t rain the trash when he was on the bike but that might have been too obvious…

Yeah, she was probably already pushing it there with quite literally trashing the bike. Doing it while the Roughneck was on his bike probably would've been too much of a masquerade break.

Ted’: Seriously supernatural stuff happening right behind you, please turn. Shakes trainer's leg and points with claws to a creepy event.

Trainer: cheerily oblivious and hungry and focusing on getting snacks.

Ted’: scales up attention-getting efforts. Gets desperate enough to try to talk though that’s never worked before.

Nami: secretly trying not to laugh head off since she understands the freakout and is poker facing so hard.

Yeah, she's been having a lot of fun with what's otherwise a boring and menial job. Helps that it's a major break from the status quo for her.

And seriously I’m getting mom/dad or older sib vibes off of the elderly couple here. The "I'm not mad, just disappointed" because we caught you playing with the camera…

I could buy that dynamic, honestly. Even if I personally err more towards "older siblings annoyed with an immature younger one" even if it's not a perfect map.

I’m shocked the ‘mon went into the door really. Since Ted’ recognized… anyway these are a pair of very very stupid thieves and they totally get their just deserts.

To be fair, it took Teddie some time plus some blatant paranormal activity happening there. :V

Why am I not surprised that the canon events of the game are regulated to tabloids.

Because I seriously doubt most serious governments would want normies to know how many times the world has almost ended in the background without them knowing it because of the likes of an """energy company""" doing something crazy and unhinged like trying to create a universe. Bad for political careers and all.

And after the aftershocks, I can so hear her muttering while she tries her supernatural tidy..

“crap crap did not mean to earthquake the store… Gah it’s such a mess, oh great the cops!”

Yeah. Having the sort of power Nami does doesn't keep you from getting scared. Especially when you've made a big mess of what's supposed to be your fun and games.

Seriously these poor traumatized ‘mon Ted’ and Gowl’ should totally make a support group with counseling services at this point… they’d have two whole new members once their trainers get out of prison.

Teddie and the Growlithe will probably be fine. The Snover and Duskull on the other hand... yeah, they probably need some serious counseling. ^^;

When the store owner actually gets to the footage, well I hope he’s sitting when he’s watching. Since the attendant was researching I didn’t think she got to the hacking level of skills to wipe away her trail, but that’s not a really big point.

The implication is that she actually decided "screw it" and deliberately zeroed in on the weirder moments of the surveillance footage for the owner. So yeah, he'll definitely be in for a surprise.

Anyway thanks for sharing this fic it was a fun read. Hopefully, more will drop you a line.

And thanks for your feedback! It was admittedly sometimes a little hard at parts to match it up to the relevant bits of the story, but I'm glad you had fun in the story, and really grateful that you took the time to read and post the first review for this story. ^^

@Bluwiikoon
Immediate intrigue! Footage that still remains unsolved to this day, huh? Given that this is a world with pokemon, we must be in for some really wacky and/or spooky shenanigans right here.

It's a bit more blatant from the story summary on FFN/AO3, but yeah. You're in for some trippy surveillance footage. Shame about the lack of audio, but that's what writing challenges are for.

The same Altru from pokemon ranger?? :O INTERESTING

Yeah, Almia is based off the chunk of Japan immediately south of Sinnoh. While Nami's antics in this one-shot aren't my personal HC, much of the other details and assumptions about the region are. Including where I HC regions as arranged in the same fashion relative to each other as their IRL counterparts unless explicitly contradicted by canon.

So when the region right next door has a petrochemical company based out of it, it'd only be logical they'd have a presence in Sinnoh as well. Plus the corporate color scheme worked quite well for Nami character-wise thematically, even if she'd probably have opinions about some of the antics its leadership would be getting up just before/right around this time.

New employee training time? And a named character! ^^ I'm guessing at this point that Nami either has ulterior motives, or is just putting the exact amount of effort in that a minimum wage job begets.

It's the latter, though it's admittedly not the pay that drew her to this job. :V

>:o Intrigue! Mystery! I wonder what he said to receive that response - or, if again, this is simply what you get when you're paying someone a minimum wage at a dinky gas station.

I mean, such is life when you're a bit of a bit of a troublemaker. A renegade even.

:O SHADOW PORTAL POWERS?? Is Nami secretly Darkrai, or Darkrai-aligned? Ohohoho

Honestly, part of the reason why I love live-reaction style reviews is that I get to see how my readers' take on what they're following evolve go as they get deeper into the prose. All things considered, it was a pretty good guess as to who Nami was there. For a while, I was considering 'Tina' as her name, but I ultimately decided that was a bit too the nose. ^^;

Hell yeah Nami you earned those snacks >:) What a delightfully mischievous character, even smiling at the camera! She must be very confident that nobody's gonna be able to catch her out for this series of events.

I mean, she's out in a dinky gas station in the boonies with an owner who isn't keeping too close of tabs on his station. It seems like a decently safe bet for her. :V

Shadow portal powers definitely seems to make the restocking process a whole lot easier! Seems that she's still trying to do a good/adequate job while working here, even if she's snacking on stray items or stealing things away. Does Nami need money for something?

More like interaction and some cheap thrills.

If only disposing of things was this easy in real life! Even if she is secretly a Dark pokemon, she might just be the ideal store employee LOL.

Well, she'd need to find someone to work under who'd be okay with being a bit of a weirdness magnet, but...
:loltias:


Avoiding having her powers discovered just in time! :D

Yeah, I'd like to imagine that this isn't Nami's first rodeo. She's had some time to (mostly) work out the kinks of slinging these powers around behind the backs of others.

She's taking the coin...?-Oh dang Nami where are you going :eek:

Okay, so for some backstory on this bit. But my assumption of Sinnoh HC-wise is that it's very "Hokkaido, Japan" in terms of larger culture. As such, this sequence is built around a quirk of Japanese currency where the largest-denomination coin in common circulation is worth about $5 USD. Enough of a chunk of a change to make one do...

:D NAMI DOING A GOOD DEED!!!!!! She really doesn't seem malicious or anything so far, which is really surprising to me. I'm excited to keep reading on and see where this goes!

Well, that if you're a more altruistically-minded person. Since it kinda sucks to lose enough money to buy a cheaper meal at a fast food joint. I probably ought to think of some way of better hint at what's going on there one of these days without going full textdump, but yeah. That's the backstory of Nami and the missing coin.

NAMI OMG!!!!! She is doing so many good deeds and nice things! :D I bet this will be a fun story at all of the students' future college gatherings LOL

I doubt they put two and two together as to what went down, but "that one night when our car mysteriously got refueled", but yeah, it's a good spooky story to sling around. o<o

Not only doing the regular busywork twice as fast, but making awesome little displays for the store?? Give this gal a raise, holy shit.

I mean, she's partly doing this for her own amusement, but I'd certainly vouch for that raise. :P

AM HUMAN, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SHADOWY PORTAL SHENANIGANS

Yeah, kid kinda failed a spot check there.
662499150147092533.png


Hmm, is maintaining a human disguise quite taxing and uncomfortable? Or, is this simply anxiety/embarrassment?

It's anxiety from nearly having her cover blown by some random teenager walking in. That'll catch just about anyone in Nami's shoes off guard.

:D Fun playing with portals! Totally understandable when work is slow. I really enjoy seeing all the ways you're being creative with Nami's portal powers!

I mean, it'd be a pretty boring one-shot if I wasn't otherwise. :V

I don't think I remember these customers, so why is everybody so angry? D: Conspiracy theory: man is Dialga, woman is Palkia, Nami is Giratina? And they're mad that Nami is working a minimum wage job instead of doing whatever Giratina is supposed to do?

Pretty much, yeah.

Jesus christ that's gotta be a strong elderly woman to cause all of that chaos. Is this the conglomeration of Pokemon In Disguise? Of note: nobody seems to be freaking out about the shadow portal right now.

Yeah, that sort of stuff doesn't really faze those two.

:( Namiiii honeyyy... one could think this is simply job stress, but...?

I personally see it more as a bit of frustration plus her night getting wrecked from the old couple making a rando in the background blatantly nope out. But it's left up to reader interpretation. After all, part of being a story with no audio is that you leave it up to the readers to fill in the gaps of the specifics that are going down. So there's a lot of wiggle room to read one interpretation or another in this story without breaking the established characterization.

Oh they are totally secretly the creation trio. Especially with the unflattering caricatures!

Yeah, this is the part where the mask goes increasingly off about Nami there. Though considering a certain later sequence in the story, I figured it was best to just build up to it even if it was unsubtle.

:D Teddi friend! And snacks for Teddi friend!!! Oh hell yeah this is a good day. I assume this one boy must be quite local to the area, perhaps living in Eterna or Oreburgh?

That's the idea yeah. Whether or not that's permanently or just for a period of time like a certain game this one-shot thematically draws off of is left up to the reader to decide.

Cracking jokes about dialga and palkia, perhaps? :D I'm so happy to see them having a good time here! And, a free bottle of water too, for helping cheer Nami up! This is good times.

Yeah, this is the sort of reason why Nami's here at this dead-end job. To get to know people like the Teddiursa trainer there.

Rude and mean! Sigh, retail is like that sometimes :(

Such is life when you're going incognito. Going full "Do you know who I am?" won't get you far.

Ohoho! REVENGE >:) That's what you get for being nasty to store employees!

Especially when you have the power to just do that instead.

:O SHE MELTS!!!!! She glows the eyes! Also: roughneck man got what he deserved >:)

Yeah, nothing like good old-fashioned catharsis. Also, it's probably already obvious to the readers as to who Nami really is at this point, but eh. Felt like it was best to confirm suspicions a bit more gradually instead of going full "slowly, then all at once".

I can see where this may be going! :D Nami 'bout to do an epic good guy maneuver?

That predictable, huh? ^^

Good thing Teddi can't speak human language, or they would have some words right now, hoo boy!

Yeah, Nami's being really heavily carried by her operating in a setting that doesn't have semi-mainstream knowledge of Pokéspeech like in Legendarian Chronicles, otherwise the jig would've been up here. o3o;;

:D GOOD GUY NAMI STRIKES AGAIN!!!!! HELL YEAH

I mean, I dunno how thrilled the owner would be about all of this, but let's not worry about that right now. o<o

Teddiursa has their eyes on you! >:o

Of note: 9 days on the job, and nobody has once checked the cameras and seen all of this happening? Seems apt!

Nami: "Shhh... we don't need to talk about that. It's a backwoods gas station. Nothing happens out here normally." ^^;

>:( Dialga and Palkia are clearly rich and affluent here, so give poor Gira!Nami some slack! Some people have to actually work for their snacks, dang it!

I mean, not all that hard. But yes, putting a portal under the snack pile to bring it to you is technically work. :V

:( Namiiiiii. I know so little, and yet I want her to have all the snacks and all of the nice things.

Yeah, heated arguments are never fun to go through. Especially when everybody involved is sitting on hidden powers beyond most others' imaginings.

OHHHHH NOOOOO. Sh*t is 'bout to go DOWN, and it isn't gonna be pretty. In my mind, I am consuming vast amounts of popcorn watching this unfold.

200.gif


I mean, the footage did need to make its way to ECPD somehow.

Completely unrelated and just mere flavour text for the current story, I'm sure!

Yeah, who could ever believe that a totally legit energy company in Veilstone City almost ended the world while everyone wasn't paying attention? Sounds like a bad conspiracy theory.

Ahuhuhu. They may not know who she is, but they know they goofed up. >:)

Yeah, those two probably should've cut and run right about there. But bad decision-making when frightened and all that.

OHHHHHHHH DANGGGG >:) AHUHUHUHU
This isn't even her final form! Now you really doofed up.

3f2.jpeg


Cute how he thinks he can just run from her! >:D Good lord though, that's gonna be hell to clean up after. You really had to attack the secret dimensional god, huh?

Yeah, such is life when cosmically powerful entities are just strutting around moonlighting as minimum-wage workers. I wouldn't rule out other similar popcorn-worthy encounters turning up here and there in Nami's world.

She's finally here!!! :D The REAL Nami! Fuck yeah this is satisfying. I am so stoked for this awful little man to have a bad time.

Nami: BISHAAAAAN!

GOOD, BRAVO, 10/10 FLAWLESS. Hashtag gottem

Such a happy ending... ;<;

... Oh wait, there's still like 3 days of surveillance footage left in this story, huh?

WELP, BACK TO WORK.

Oh, if only it were that easy...

Aw, hell. Picking everything up is one thing, but fixing broken things and broken glass isn't so easy :( Oh nooooooo

Yeah, that's what happens when you suddenly suck half the store away to the Distortion World. It... makes things a bit hard to put back together. ^^;

WOOP WOOP THATS THE SOUND OF THE POLICE
Will they be sympathetic towards her, or accusatory? Augh, I'm so worried for Nami. :( She's just trying her best.

Well, let's just say it's very fortunate Officer Not!Jenny's Growlithe there couldn't communicate clearly with her.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Dialga and Palkia actually bail her out? But, still, nobody seems happy :( There will be consequences for this evening, I'm sure.

Yeah, namely fun and games moonlighting as a gas station attendant is now over. Too much attention now.

Oho! So she spat the robbers out somewhere else instead of just keeping them in the distortion world forever? Still, those robbers will certainly have some very interesting things to say to the police.

I would imagine that the Snover and Duskull did a lot of heavy lifting on making that decision-making process. Plus I think Nami has exceeded her 'horrible little man' quota for the Distortion World recently. Doesn't feel like dealing with more.

:( It has been a very hard day for Nami. God, she deserves better than all of this.

Yeah, having your incognito cover you worked so hard on and had fun with abruptly ripped away from you is kinda a major downer.

He's back! :D I really enjoy this guy's friendliness with Nami, even as the whole store looks like a bombshell hit it. Perhaps, these kinds of things just happen to small stores sometimes, in a world filled with big lizards and rock monsters.

I mean, I'd imagine that usually those stores are wrecked by something a bit more mundane than a Giratina, but that seems like a pretty safe bet, yeah.

:D I'M SO HAPPY THEY'RE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAA HAPPY NAMI. GOOD

Yeah, had to squeeze in one last bit of cuteness on the way out.

:O I wonder what she's thinking about! Must have been a good chat.

Yeah, I saw it as a good mood-lifter. Even if it'll likely be a long while before those two ever cross paths again.

Oho! I guess they talked about the robbery, and mentioned that, perhaps, the camera would have picked something up? That definitely seems like something she should be concerned about.

I was actually a bit more noncommittal there, but it'd be a fairly fitting topic of conversation, yes.

Dialga and Palkia are back! And Nami is writing down timestamps! But, for what? Is she happy to just give law enforcement the footage of her kicking the robbers' asses, plus the uhhhh, everything else she's been doing?

More like she's made a decision to not cover her tracks this time around and leave more of a record of her presence behind.

I'M NOT SAYING I CALLED IT BUT I TOTALLY CALLED IT. I guess the jig is up, now that they're revealing their full forms?

That, and collectively exiting stage left.

And just like that... I guess the trio is gone! Oh, Nami, you tried your best. :(

Well for now. I doubt it'd be the last this world has seen of those three quietly skulking about incognito. This is their stomping grounds after all, and they recently got poked and prodded by the naked apes that called it home. All the more reason to try and see what they're up to.

Mr. manager 'bout to have the time of his life seeing what's happened to his store while he's been gone xD Oh, the fun!

Yeah, he's certainly in for quite the viewing experience. ^^

And... that's it! I suppose to us readers it's clear that this is the doing of Dialga, Palkia and Giratina, but in-universe they wouldn't have so readily an explanation. I suppose the real question of this story is why Giratina wanted to have a part-time gas station job, and why the whole trio were infiltrating human society in human forms. I do think this is a very effective narration, however, and that the fact that there are no answers makes it a whole lot more intriguing. The fact that this is an Altru-headed company, though... hmm...

Yeah, I have some own assumptions of my own about what motivated those three based off of how Umbramatic usually handles Legendaries getting up to antics such as these in his HC, but it's intentionally left up to the readers to make their own assumptions here.

Overall: I found this piece incredibly fun and enjoyable to read! :D Nami/Giratina is a very sympathetic and relatable protagonist, and we learn so much of her character just from body language and actions alone. Her kindness and generosity towards random customers, her camaraderie with the teen boy, her annoyance towards Dialga and Palkia, the fact that she didn't totally murder those robbers despite their wrongdoings, her commitment to working hard despite all the sh*tty things, and her mischievous side! It was an absolute blast to see her journey and her struggles through all of these silent snippets. I think you did absolutely amazing with the limitations of no audio, and that all of the personality and actions of the characters shine vividly without dialogue. Fantastic work! ^^

I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the story so much. I'd admittedly been cagey about the story for some time thanks to the unconventional premise and framing as an experimental one-off, but I'm happy to hear that things came together well enough for you to have that much fun with it. ^^

@Umbramatic
Alright, heads-up for those of you actually reading these things, but this is the reply where I largely didn't care about spoilers. So they're mostly unmarked. You have been warned.

Here for Review Blitz! This is me repairing me being a DINGUS and not reviewing my own BIRTHDAY GIFT.

Speaking of I need to repeat that I am so, so honored you wrote this for me and this was inspired by me. It makes me feel so warm and bubbly inside and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

afb.gif


Nah, more seriously, I'm glad that you've had fun with this story, and am excited to give you a proper response to your feedback. After all, what can I say? You come up with some neat stuff, and I like throwing the occasional nod to it here and there when the opportunity arises.

The "no audio", found footage aspect of this fic is really neat. It lets you do the technically no dialogue thing while still conveying character intent and emotion really well. Works well for the premise

But anyway. We start with a girl getting hired to work at some kind of Sinnoh United Dairy Farmers gas station but it turns out this is no ordinary girl, this is Giratina disguised as a girl! Giratina girl's sheer mischevious and irreverent energy absolurtely sends me, as does her creative use of Ghost type powers.

Yeah, when doing my take on your whole 'incognito legendaries' thing, I figured that keeping reminders that the 'totally legit humans' really still had their true natures and powers on hand was important to very quickly sell the sense that 'this isn't just another college-aged girl'. Don't remember if that's also part of your headcanon or not for Legendaries while they're moonlighting as squishy apes, but eh. The story frankly wouldn't be as interesting without Nami having something like this that she did to leave some memorable camera footage.

Over time we get to see more of Giratina girl's work life at the gas station. What is Giratina doing working at a gas station again? WHO KNOWS? Judging from the report alluding to the events of Platinum it may be penance for that, enforced by that old couple that is totally not Dialgia and Palkia. The three don't seem to get allong.

The exact specifics are left up to the reader to decide, but I'd like to imagine she's exploring a world quite unlike the one she normally calls home and doing a broad-strokes impression of the main antagonist to Persona 4... oh and irritating her fellow cosmically important dragons. Can't forget that part. :V

On the plus side though, Giratina girl makes a friend! That was sweet. And apparently swhe's eventually let off the hook after being good at dealing with pesky human nuisances like robbers? Well, all's well that ends well I suppose. Even if she did make a mess.

Something something "scary encounters put things into perspective for you". But yeah, Nami definitely left some impressions on the gas station. Including a few literal ones in the pavement outside.
:loltias:


But super cute fic, once again thank you so much for it.

And thanks for your feedback! It was a pleasure reading it ^^

Haven't worked out how I'll handle any future feedback responses that roll in outside of Review Blitzes or analogous events, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there. And hey, I'm not complaining. :V
 
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IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
Finally here for our review exchange! I'm so sorry I took so long!

Alright, so! First off, my theory on what's happening:

This is a sort of "test" for Giratina, to see if they'd be allowed to be un-banished from the Distortion World. The elderly duo are Dialga and Palkia, and the manager is Arceus. Given the ending, I'm thinking that Giratina passed the test.

As for the fic itself, it was great! Gripping with little action, just some slice-of-life of Giratina working at a human job while trying to hide their identity. The scene-setting was very vivid, especially since this entire fic was pretty much nothing but description! Great work with that by the way, a very unique way to tell a story!

Thank you for writing this!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, here as part of my pre-RB4 review cleanup for those stories where I didn't have further updates. It took a while, but thanks again for taking part of that review exchange with me:

Alright, so! First off, my theory on what's happening:

This is a sort of "test" for Giratina, to see if they'd be allowed to be un-banished from the Distortion World. The elderly duo are Dialga and Palkia, and the manager is Arceus. Given the ending, I'm thinking that Giratina passed the test.

Yeah, it's deliberately left up to audience interpretation as to why it is that Nami is doing her thing there. It wasn't my reflexive choice of a backstory, but I could certainly see something like that having happened behind the scenes behind Nami and the rest of her more proper friend circle.

As for the fic itself, it was great! Gripping with little action, just some slice-of-life of Giratina working at a human job while trying to hide their identity. The scene-setting was very vivid, especially since this entire fic was pretty much nothing but description! Great work with that by the way, a very unique way to tell a story!

Yeah, that's an artifact of the original constraint that this fic was written around being to tell a story with no dialogue whatsoever. It was something that I had been a bit unsure about at times during its development (hence why it took so long to finish), but I'm glad to hear that the final product still hit the right notes for you.

Thank you for writing this!

And thank you for reviewing it! It was a pleasure to get your feedback, @IFBench , and I'll be looking forward to when our paths cross again with each other's stories. ^^
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
HI MURK!!! Here for Blitz, Catnip, AND our review trade! I'm hitting all the tallies tonight :D

I've had this story on my "list of oneshots to read" for a while and NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. A very very cool oneshot that admittedly took me a second to understand, but once it hit, me it fuckin' HIT me. I'm already a massive slut for anything related to Sinnoh but if you throw the legendaries in there??? Especially doing not-human yet human things?? Dawg, sign me up.

So to start, I'll just begin with saying that this was extremely well-written. I've never indulged in anything "found footage" that was in writing form and this did not disappoint. Admittedly, I was clenching for something a little more horror-esque and certainly got some bits and pieces of it, but even though this ended up being something a little more......I guess sci-fi/mystery-ish, I was definitely not disappointed. I think you did REALLY WELL in getting the point of what was going on across without any dialogue. Though I am still a little curious about what exactly "Nami" and "the pink and blue elderly couple" and "the grey-haired teen" were talking about whenever they interacted, I think I can use my context clues/prior lore knowledge to at least get a gist. Or I can use my imagination honestly; I like that too. I feel like the lack of dialogue really leaves everything up to the imagination and that's something that's really cool to play around with so, honestly, props to you!

Because I was expecting this to be something horror-ish, it took me a second for it to dawn on me that Nami was Giritina (I think. I'm gonna be si goddamn embarrassed if I'm wrong LMAO). But the descriptions of the shadows, and the shapes the shadows made AND what Nami made when she WAS a shadow I think I was getting Giritina descriptors out of that. And then when I realized that, i also realized "pink and blue elderly couple" DEFINITELY meant Dialga and Palkia, made even more obvious by the descriptions at the end when they transformed, I guess? But yeah that realization hit like a squeaky rubber hammer (I mean that in a very good way) and I laughed while screaming "OOOHHHHH MY GOD." Good shit. Though, I still have questions about the grey-haired boy. Was that like...Arceus??? Clearly that man had some significance because he kept coming back and flirting and I think the grey-haired thing definitely indicated some importance. I think he was definitely a legendary, most likely Arceus, but I'm unsure about that one. At least their presence kept putting Nami in a better mood, we stan a nice man and his Teddiursa.

There were a couple moments where I had a hard time following what angle we were supposed to be looking at, or how the shop was set up, but that was more a case of me not being able to keep track because I'm tired and not really a testament to how everything was written. I have a couple of nitpicky line-by-lines but there's nothing that really jumped out at me as glaringly critique-able or something needing looking at. I think you did a wonderful job with this and it was a treat to read. Thanks for being my first blitz review, and for being my catnip roll, and for exchanging with me! I'll see ya later :DDDD

Line-by-Lines:
The following silent video footage was recovered from the surveillance cameras of a gas station south of Eterna City in mid-September of 2008 by Sinnohan law enforcement. The below snippets were entered as evidence in an ongoing investigation regarding a series of civil disturbances at the site that remain unresolved to this day.
UH OH SPA-GET-EE-OH.

The woman throws her hand up, catching the pink box in midair before turning a pair of red eyes up at the camera with a devious smile, waving it tauntingly as she begins to help herself to the snacks inside.
monkaS we have our villain huh

The woman stops and gets up with an annoyed shrug, going along the aisles and tearing the tops off of boxes and tape off of bundles of bottles. She makes her way up and down the aisles, circling through the store until she completes her circuit and is left with a small pile of cardboard and tape in her hands.
i lied i guess she's the protag and has some interesting powers. It took me a second to realize what exactly she was doing here but I guess she's readying the stock for buying or whatever.

A black shadow forms under the coin, letting it drop into the abyss. Another shadow forms beside the woman, which she steps into and drops down, the patch closing up behind her to reveal the normal linoleum tiling underneath.
Ah so she can FAST TRAVEL with this shit, eh????

The student with the Pokégear goes up to the blue car, noticing something strange, before opening the driver's side door and starting the engine. The car's lights flicker on and the exhaust pipe rattles slightly, much to the astonishment of the other two students. The driver gets back out and stares incredulously back at the open pump, before looking back off at the road in the direction the woman's hatchback drove off in. The students shrug their shoulders, the driver twisting the gas cap shut and closing its cover before the three re-enter their vehicle and drive off into the night.
What a fucking homie, got the car all re-fueled. After having my realization about who was who, however, I don't think this was actually Nami? I think, based on the indication of the "blue light" this might have been Dialga helping the boys out because Nami wouldn't?? I don't quite understand why Nami didn't buuuuuuuuuut maybe it's a Giritina being Giritina thing, or the cards were declining, or something, and Dialga decided to help the homies out? Idk, I'm kinda drunk.

She lifts it up to inspect it, revealing a doodle of a banded serpentine figure trailing six arms behind its head, along with unflattering caricatures of a four-legged creature with a tall head and a bipedal creature with shield-like shoulders. The woman flicks the doodle back down onto the counter and turns back at the camera with an agitated scowl when the automatic doors slide open.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHA she was drawing herself and ugly versions of Dialga and Palkia because she's made at them I guess. Very funny, this also only dawned on me once it hit me who was who. I love these "Aha!" moments man, good shit

Outside, a red motorcycle is parked in front of the pumps. A violet light glimmers from a dumpster to the background of the right end of camera's field of view when a shadowy mist forms on the top of the station's island, and abruptly rains garbage onto the motorcycle below.
OHHHHH WAS THIS PALKIA?????? Man the entire creation trio just out running this damn gas station, huh????

The automatic doors slide open as the gray-haired Teddiursa trainer from prior days walks in, his tan-furred charge following close behind him. The attendant turns her head over the counter, watching as the boy makes his way to a crane machine and inserts a few coins. Through the glare of the plexiglass, the claw can be seen swaying, as the teen maneuvers the controls to move the claw around and over a plush of a snowman mascot with a blue hat, which clasps down and lifts the doll up, only to lose grip halfway through. The claw retracts back to its starting position, prompting the teen to try again to secure the plush, only to meet similar failure.
I marked this because I was going to make a "hahaha he just came back to flirt with her but is doing so passively nobody goes to gas stations just to play a fucking claw machine he's not slick" but now that I'm trying to figure out who the fuck this guy is I don't think that rings true anymore 😅

The Teddiursa recoils with a start, going up and pawing at the leg of the trainer who sighs and grabs a white can with 'Psycho Soda' branding on it before walking back for the counter.
This poor Teddiursa has NO IDEA what the fuck it's surrounded by, omg

The elderly couple approach the counter as the attendant lets out an aggravated sigh
I marked this because I wasn't sure how it would be clear without audio that the attendant sighed, so I'd probably rewrite this as "her shoulders rise and fall as her head hangs with the force of an apparent sigh" or.....something like that to more indicate that there's No Audio *roll credits*

The truck stops behind the gas pumps when a pair of unkempt men, a lanky driver and a stocky passenger, exit. The pair reach into their pockets to produce a pair of Pokéballs that let out a Snover and a Duskull before crossing the islands with their Pokémon over towards the convenience store. During the walk, the stocky man runs his hand into a coat pocket, grasping at a handle to a partly obscured object inside.
Oh this is gonna end well for them monkaS

The station attendant sits inside casually perusing through a tabloid magazine with a cover depicting a violet hole in the sky over a mountain. The headline of the tabloid crosses the field of vision of the camera in a few frames, alleging a government cover-up of an interdimensional invasion at the time of a bizarre incident at Mt. Coronet caused by a now scandal-plagued Sinnohan energy company.
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 HMMMMMMM WONDER WHAT THAT'S ABOUT, WONDER WHO THAT SINNOHAN ENERGY COMPANY IS, HMMMMMMMMM

The officer reaches for a radio when the doors open and the elderly couple in blue and pink walk in.
"THEY'RE FUCKING DIALGA AND PALKIA AREN'T THEY????"

as the woman puts her head in her hands and paws at them in frustration.
Marked this cuz the wording was weird to me. Was she pawing her head? In which case "pawing at them" wouldn't work.

The attendant follows along, before heading to the right of the camera and after slipping off-camera, reappearing on the other end.
This kind of confused me and I can't tell if it's because I'm out of it or just literally not understanding. Did she....slip and fall??? Or do something with her powers??? Idk

The gas station's lights abruptly cut out as a blue portal opens up into the air, the blurry frames capturing the darkened form of a massive four-legged creature vaulting through it.
HEY DIALGA

The shaking continues as a pink portal opens and a similar scene unfolds with a long-necked creature with winged shoulders vanishing through it, before the scene plunges into darkness.
HEY PALKIA
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
This was a fun one! The presentation, especially the opening paragraph, was very strong in establishing what kind of story we would be reading. I get the feeling it was inspired by, or is at least coincidentally similar to, SCP logs and things of that nature. "Found footage" documentary style narratives.

I liked the presentation, and providing no audio was a very effective way of letting the reader focus entirely on the gestures made. It helps the reader imagine exactly what was going on without getting distracted by words, so you therefore had to focus entirely on descriptive language to get that across.

I would actually argue that some parts of the story were a little too descriptive. Since this was meant to be a log, I think I would have enjoyed it more and was immersed by it more if you left out some of those extra "opinion" and "feeling" level details, like if someone seemed perturbed or baffled. This is actually one of the few times when I might suggest less direct language, like "person stared at the tower of cans for five extra seconds without speaking before leaving. Person is seen glancing back even after exiting the store." Instead of saying how the person felt, which I do not think would be in a professional log. This might enhance the tone.

Things that leave emotions implied rather than directly stated for the audio log, you know?

Oh, and what I loved the most about parts of this story was how the mystery built without directly outlining it. By the time the two elderly people yelled at the shopkeep and left, followed by the unflattering doodles describing, well, that particular duo of Pokemon, I think I understood a large part of what was going on. That goes triple for the early detail that this took place in Eterna City. An eldritch god working at a gas station? What is this, Persona 4?

The ending was a little ambiguous on exactly what had happened. I think the image of the spiral in the sky makes me think that during the day job, the events of Platinum might have happened, or something? And Giratina saving the day during that crisis had them maybe make up for it? I'm unsure, but the resolution, while ambiguous, seemed to at least give a sense of finality to Giratina leaving. Despite the story opening with "unresolved to this day," there are far more clues present to wrap up the story's central plot nicely.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, back for some more post-RB4 review responses, this time focusing on the world’s weirdest two weeks of gas station surveillance videos:

@Sinderella
I've had this story on my "list of oneshots to read" for a while and NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. A very very cool oneshot that admittedly took me a second to understand, but once it hit, me it fuckin' HIT me. I'm already a massive slut for anything related to Sinnoh but if you throw the legendaries in there??? Especially doing not-human yet human things?? Dawg, sign me up.

Yeah, the premise of the “girl next door” turning out to be something much stranger than what surface appearances would indicate is always a plot hook with a lot of potential. To their credit, writers like @Umbramatic and @silurica get some good mileage out of it, which was what wound up inspiring this one-shot, especially the former.

So to start, I'll just begin with saying that this was extremely well-written. I've never indulged in anything "found footage" that was in writing form and this did not disappoint. Admittedly, I was clenching for something a little more horror-esque and certainly got some bits and pieces of it, but even though this ended up being something a little more......I guess sci-fi/mystery-ish, I was definitely not disappointed. I think you did REALLY WELL in getting the point of what was going on across without any dialogue. Though I am still a little curious about what exactly "Nami" and "the pink and blue elderly couple" and "the grey-haired teen" were talking about whenever they interacted, I think I can use my context clues/prior lore knowledge to at least get a gist. Or I can use my imagination honestly; I like that too. I feel like the lack of dialogue really leaves everything up to the imagination and that's something that's really cool to play around with so, honestly, props to you!

Glad to hear. It took some experimenting to pull off a plausible-seeming delivery of a story told literally through four or so security camera feeds, but sounds like even without a dialogue component, that things turned out pretty well.

Because I was expecting this to be something horror-ish, it took me a second for it to dawn on me that Nami was Giritina (I think. I'm gonna be si goddamn embarrassed if I'm wrong LMAO). But the descriptions of the shadows, and the shapes the shadows made AND what Nami made when she WAS a shadow I think I was getting Giritina descriptors out of that. And then when I realized that, i also realized "pink and blue elderly couple" DEFINITELY meant Dialga and Palkia, made even more obvious by the descriptions at the end when they transformed, I guess? But yeah that realization hit like a squeaky rubber hammer (I mean that in a very good way) and I laughed while screaming "OOOHHHHH MY GOD." Good shit. Though, I still have questions about the grey-haired boy. Was that like...Arceus??? Clearly that man had some significance because he kept coming back and flirting and I think the grey-haired thing definitely indicated some importance. I think he was definitely a legendary, most likely Arceus, but I'm unsure about that one. At least their presence kept putting Nami in a better mood, we stan a nice man and his Teddiursa.

The teen’s up to audience interpretation as to who he is. I admittedly saw him more as a normal bystander who happens to stumble on something weird, but I suppose visually he is close enough such that I wouldn’t really bat an eye at a take of events where he’s Incognito!Arceus.

There were a couple moments where I had a hard time following what angle we were supposed to be looking at, or how the shop was set up, but that was more a case of me not being able to keep track because I'm tired and not really a testament to how everything was written. I have a couple of nitpicky line-by-lines but there's nothing that really jumped out at me as glaringly critique-able or something needing looking at. I think you did a wonderful job with this and it was a treat to read. Thanks for being my first blitz review, and for being my catnip roll, and for exchanging with me! I'll see ya later :DDDD

And I’ll be looking forward to those reviews, since I had a lot of fun delivering on my end of things for that exchange. ^^

UH OH SPA-GET-EE-OH.

To be fair on ECPD, I’m not sure would be able to publicly disclose the actual series of events without getting laughed out of their press event. ^^;

monkaS we have our villain huh

Maybe in another story, but not in this one.

i lied i guess she's the protag and has some interesting powers. It took me a second to realize what exactly she was doing here but I guess she's readying the stock for buying or whatever.

That was the idea, yes. Some things you can’t just cheese with yeeting things through alien dimensions, alas.

Ah so she can FAST TRAVEL with this shit, eh????

:blobyes:


What a fucking homie, got the car all re-fueled. After having my realization about who was who, however, I don't think this was actually Nami? I think, based on the indication of the "blue light" this might have been Dialga helping the boys out because Nami wouldn't?? I don't quite understand why Nami didn't buuuuuuuuuut maybe it's a Giritina being Giritina thing, or the cards were declining, or something, and Dialga decided to help the homies out? Idk, I'm kinda drunk.

It’s pretty impressive how quickly you managed to get onto the right track of Nami’s real identity there, really. Especially while drunk.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHA she was drawing herself and ugly versions of Dialga and Palkia because she's made at them I guess. Very funny, this also only dawned on me once it hit me who was who. I love these "Aha!" moments man, good shit

Yeah, she’s just a little salty about her peers spoiling her fun and games.

OHHHHH WAS THIS PALKIA?????? Man the entire creation trio just out running this damn gas station, huh????

Nah, that’s still just Nami. If she pulled that one on Palkia and not a random roughneck, there would likely not be a gas station left afterwards. o3o;

I marked this because I was going to make a "hahaha he just came back to flirt with her but is doing so passively nobody goes to gas stations just to play a fucking claw machine he's not slick" but now that I'm trying to figure out who the fuck this guy is I don't think that rings true anymore 😅

Somebody hanging around the area with nothing better to do, obviously.

This poor Teddiursa has NO IDEA what the fuck it's surrounded by, omg

Well, he has more of an idea than his trainer, at least. :V

I marked this because I wasn't sure how it would be clear without audio that the attendant sighed, so I'd probably rewrite this as "her shoulders rise and fall as her head hangs with the force of an apparent sigh" or.....something like that to more indicate that there's No Audio *roll credits*

Went and added a version of this in.

Oh this is gonna end well for them monkaS

So well that it can be expressed in a single gif:

6f6.gif


🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 HMMMMMMM WONDER WHAT THAT'S ABOUT, WONDER WHO THAT SINNOHAN ENERGY COMPANY IS, HMMMMMMMMM

Truly a mystery.

"THEY'RE FUCKING DIALGA AND PALKIA AREN'T THEY????"

:blobyes:


Marked this cuz the wording was weird to me. Was she pawing her head? In which case "pawing at them" wouldn't work.

That should be an “it”, nice catch.

This kind of confused me and I can't tell if it's because I'm out of it or just literally not understanding. Did she....slip and fall??? Or do something with her powers??? Idk

Was meant more in the sense of “leaving the camera’s field of view”, I made an attempt at rephrasing things to be clearer.


Thanks again for the review! And glad to hear that you had a fun time with your Catnip review. ^^

@Namohysip
This was a fun one! The presentation, especially the opening paragraph, was very strong in establishing what kind of story we would be reading. I get the feeling it was inspired by, or is at least coincidentally similar to, SCP logs and things of that nature. "Found footage" documentary style narratives.

It actually wasn’t consciously inspired by SCP Foundation fiction, though I’ll admit that I’d read a few before getting the initial idea for this piece, so there might have been some lingering influence on that front. The bigger influence beyond the obvious of "Persona 4" would be CCTV snippets that appear on things like YouTube videos or extreme footage TV shows or the like and trying to capture their dynamic for capturing the story’s otherworldly visitor.

I liked the presentation, and providing no audio was a very effective way of letting the reader focus entirely on the gestures made. It helps the reader imagine exactly what was going on without getting distracted by words, so you therefore had to focus entirely on descriptive language to get that across.

That’s actually really heartening to hear, since it took me a looooong time to figure out how I wanted to present things in this story description-wise while still respecting the initial constraint of there not being any dialogue.

I would actually argue that some parts of the story were a little too descriptive. Since this was meant to be a log, I think I would have enjoyed it more and was immersed by it more if you left out some of those extra "opinion" and "feeling" level details, like if someone seemed perturbed or baffled. This is actually one of the few times when I might suggest less direct language, like "person stared at the tower of cans for five extra seconds without speaking before leaving. Person is seen glancing back even after exiting the store." Instead of saying how the person felt, which I do not think would be in a professional log. This might enhance the tone.

Things that leave emotions implied rather than directly stated for the audio log, you know?

A fair point, if admittedly a bit bigger of a lift than I’m prepared to tackle in the immediate future. In the event that I attempt to do a deeper rewrite or a proper v2, I’ll likely make an attempt at implementing this more regularly, since it would lean in harder to the “CCTV footage” framing.

Oh, and what I loved the most about parts of this story was how the mystery built without directly outlining it. By the time the two elderly people yelled at the shopkeep and left, followed by the unflattering doodles describing, well, that particular duo of Pokemon, I think I understood a large part of what was going on. That goes triple for the early detail that this took place in Eterna City. An eldritch god working at a gas station? What is this, Persona 4?

I mean, did you really think the silver-haired teen with the Teddiursa or the “snowman mascot with a blue hat” in the crane machine came from nowhere?
:loltias:


It’s not quite P4 since otherwise this story would’ve gone to very different places by the end, but its influence in this one-shot isn’t exactly subtle there.

The ending was a little ambiguous on exactly what had happened. I think the image of the spiral in the sky makes me think that during the day job, the events of Platinum might have happened, or something? And Giratina saving the day during that crisis had them maybe make up for it? I'm unsure, but the resolution, while ambiguous, seemed to at least give a sense of finality to Giratina leaving. Despite the story opening with "unresolved to this day," there are far more clues present to wrap up the story's central plot nicely.

we-dont-know-dont-know.gif


More seriously, it’s left up to the reader’s imagination beyond “Nami’s fun time is over, and she’s moving on”. So make what you will of that.

But thanks for the review! You gave some very thoughtful criticism that I’ll keep in mind for the future and I’m happy that on balance, you had a fun time with this one-shot.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to check out this one-shot during RB4, since I understand it was a bit of a hectic time. I’m looking forward to similarly crossing paths with your stories and you as writers this year. ^^
 

Persephone

Infinite Screms
Pronouns
her/hers
Partners
  1. mawile
  2. vulpix-alola
The camera overlooking the pump rolls as an orange hatchback with rounded curves and tall, strip-like taillights is parked at the nearest island with a woman pumping gas into it, when an older, blue sports coupe with a spoiler and large two-tone taillights slowly lurches in from the dark and into the white light of the station's lights

SPOILER. NEEDED A SPOILER WARNING. TO THE DISTORTION WORLD WITH THEE.

Starting to see why Arceus banished Giratina in the first place. Stealing a plush, chips, and a water bottle from her employer? Unacceptable. She even closed the store early without authorization! What a monster.

I don’t know any of The Lore behind this and I’ll be honest it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to figure out what was going on. At first I just thought it was a ghost-type playing human with illusions or possession. The Giratina twist took me off guard. Didn’t even understand what she was drawing when it was described. Only figured out she was arguing with Dialga and Palkia after the Giratina reveal.

So uh. I can only guess that this happens because Arceus punished Giratina with the only hell worse than the Distortion World - working retail. And she’s an oddly engaging and sympathetic character. Kind to people who are kind to her (or at least decent), rude to people rude to her, murderous to anyone who draws a weapon on her. Poor snover :( Mostly she’s just a little mischievous and finding more or less harmless ways to keep herself entertained, which sets up some big dissonance once the reveal happens and things start escalating.

Fun how she latched on to the boy with similar hair. I don’t think he’s another legendary based on context clues. And without dialogue it’s hard to tell if she’s just being friendly or something more. Either way, imagine flirting with someone and it turns out they’re the Queen of Hell on sabbatical. That’s the story you tell at parties for the rest of your life, however short it may be.

So. Characterization is pretty good for a story with no words spoken. Plot works well enough given the limits the story is working under. It starts fairly lighthearted and focused on character dynamics, all with the SPOILER that there are civic disturbances by the end. Then there’s flagrant theft from Giratina’s employer that must be punished by the eternal flames of hell, then retaliating against a guy’s bike just because the Queen of Hell was unwilling to politely listen to him for a few minutes, and then there’s some murder. As a treat. Although it seems they might’ve been arrested so could be alive and traumatized. Or maybe the cops got the wrong perps.

Side note: Giratina refusing to talk to the cops and hoping everything goes away is an excellent example to us all. She knows she has the right to remain silent and executes it. Because she cares about her rights. Not because she was super embarrassed about losing her cool just because some fleshbags pointed a toothpick at her. And then… whatever caused Dialga and Palkia to turn around.

I am a bit curious why she didn’t simply destroy the camera, though, and instead tried to figure out how to disassemble it, even leaving evidence behind at the end. It would be trivial enough to break it and steal the tape, claiming that the chaos around the store did it in. But then there wouldn’t be a story, so…

Anyway. I thought this was a perfectly charming story about a demon in a dead end job. Good work given all the weird constraints.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, dropping in to continue my review roundup of stories that realistically aren’t going to be bumped again anytime soon, if ever, so let’s dive right in to that feedback about everybody’s favorite alleged gas station attendant:

@Persephone
SPOILER. NEEDED A SPOILER WARNING. TO THE DISTORTION WORLD WITH THEE.

Starting to see why Arceus banished Giratina in the first place. Stealing a plush, chips, and a water bottle from her employer? Unacceptable. She even closed the store early without authorization! What a monster.

Well, she won’t be getting any awards for ‘Employee of the Year’, that’s for sure.
:loltias~1:


I don’t know any of The Lore behind this and I’ll be honest it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to figure out what was going on. At first I just thought it was a ghost-type playing human with illusions or possession. The Giratina twist took me off guard. Didn’t even understand what she was drawing when it was described. Only figured out she was arguing with Dialga and Palkia after the Giratina reveal.

It’s one of those things that’s left up to reader interpretation. The only real thing that needs to be kept in mind in for this story’s lore is that it’s in a world where Legendary Pokémon can go incognito in other forms, including in human guise. Though it sounds like you figured that out soon enough.

So uh. I can only guess that this happens because Arceus punished Giratina with the only hell worse than the Distortion World - working retail. And she’s an oddly engaging and sympathetic character. Kind to people who are kind to her (or at least decent), rude to people rude to her, murderous to anyone who draws a weapon on her. Poor snover :( Mostly she’s just a little mischievous and finding more or less harmless ways to keep herself entertained, which sets up some big dissonance once the reveal happens and things start escalating.

I mean, even embodiments of… whatever on earth the Distortion World is supposed to be have to do something to wile away the time during the graveyard shift. I figured that just showing an eldritch being of great power messing around in underpaid temp mode made for some fun scenarios and just ran with it. Sounds like it hit the mark well enough for you as a reader. ^^

Fun how she latched on to the boy with similar hair. I don’t think he’s another legendary based on context clues. And without dialogue it’s hard to tell if she’s just being friendly or something more. Either way, imagine flirting with someone and it turns out they’re the Queen of Hell on sabbatical. That’s the story you tell at parties for the rest of your life, however short it may be.

I personally saw him as more of just a random normie Nami took a fancy too, but I could also buy him being someone a bit less mundane. Up to the reader, really.

So. Characterization is pretty good for a story with no words spoken. Plot works well enough given the limits the story is working under. It starts fairly lighthearted and focused on character dynamics, all with the SPOILER that there are civic disturbances by the end. Then there’s flagrant theft from Giratina’s employer that must be punished by the eternal flames of hell, then retaliating against a guy’s bike just because the Queen of Hell was unwilling to politely listen to him for a few minutes, and then there’s some murder. As a treat. Although it seems they might’ve been arrested so could be alive and traumatized. Or maybe the cops got the wrong perps.

It was intended for them to be alive and traumatized. Nami has exceeded her ‘unpleasant little man’ quota for her home for a while, so she ditched those two and their Pokémon in short order.

Side note: Giratina refusing to talk to the cops and hoping everything goes away is an excellent example to us all. She knows she has the right to remain silent and executes it. Because she cares about her rights. Not because she was super embarrassed about losing her cool just because some fleshbags pointed a toothpick at her. And then… whatever caused Dialga and Palkia to turn around.

Dialga + Palkia:
:sceptikarp:


I am a bit curious why she didn’t simply destroy the camera, though, and instead tried to figure out how to disassemble it, even leaving evidence behind at the end. It would be trivial enough to break it and steal the tape, claiming that the chaos around the store did it in. But then there wouldn’t be a story, so…

She actually goes a step further and directs the manager to the specific timestamps to check out. The idea I was batting for was that she has a change of heart about hiding what really went down and decides to leave it as a proof of her presence.

Anyway. I thought this was a perfectly charming story about a demon in a dead end job. Good work given all the weird constraints.

And glad to hear you had fun with it! Thanks for the review, it was a joy to read.
:seviuwu:

Thanks again to everyone who took the plunge to read and review this little tale. I’ll be looking forward to repaying the favor sometime soon. ^^
 

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
Hello, here for catnip!

This is a cool idea, when it comes down to it – I like found footage stuff, but I’ve never seen it expressed in writing before. I think this is a good premise to focus on as well; your prose is descriptive and definitely leans well into things that need to be told in a format without dialogue/sound/narrator.

Really liked the idea of a gas station being haunted and shown to us in this way – it feels like something out of a spooky anthology (dare I say…. Tales from the gas station? :P), and sets the vibe for a mystery well. I also liked the way that you thread the story into place by showing us different people who keep popping up – the grey-haired kid and his Teddiursa, the old couple who might not be all that they seem, the one-offs like the college kids and that Angery Biker Dude. It helps it lend a bit of narrative to a story that’s seriously constrained in its ability to tell one, and offers a platform to slowly layer answers about wtf is going on here even. (the art was really cool, too, and made the fic vibe like 100000% cooler just by existing)

I will say that for a while, it kind of took a bit for this oneshot to get going – the gimmick of Creepy Woman Does Supernatural Stuff On-Camera wears off fairly quickly, and though it became clear what you were doing later into the fic when the different plot threads came together, there was a bit in the first half where I got kinda bored reading description after description of seemingly random events with no real flair to them (as they’re bound to the camera, which is not an animate object). I guess it’s hard to think of how to remedy that, though, outside of picking up the pace in that section – the only thing I can really note is that this might tbh be one of the stories where trying to get really crisp, lean prose might have helped it flow a lot better. Otherwise it’s a lot of description to go through, which certainly helped when the story was Interesting (the beginning, the claw machine, the robbery at the end) but got a bit hard to trod through during the boring parts.

I’ll take a shot and say that the “”girl”” is actually giratina, though what giratina is doing mucking about in a random gas station is anyone’s guess. Apparently it either didn’t notice it was being filmed for a while, or didn’t care, and it clearly wanted to be seen at the end, so it doesn’t seem to be too preoccupied with keeping itself a secret… It’s not entirely clear to me who the old couple were (unless it’s dialga/palkia?), though as I’m not familiar at all with Sinnoh, it could be something I just don’t know by virtue of never playing the game tbh. I suspect this is a fic where the answer isn’t really important, though, and leaving it up to interpretation certainly fits the spooky vibes! A pokemon like giratina doesn’t need a reason to haunt a gas station, after all; it can do pretty much as it likes and no-one’s gonna stop it. Thought her little friendship with the kid and his Teddiursa was cute, at the least.

Overall, I enjoyed this! You have a knack for really interesting premises, and you really brought the best out in this one. Until next time, and good luck with your writing!

~SparklingEspeon
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, kicking off my traditional post-Blitz cleanup of review responses for my stories where I don’t have any foreseeable plans for further updates in the future. This year, I decided to go in order of oldest to newest last remarks for stories, so that brought me here first:

@SparklingEspeon
Hello, here for catnip!

This is a cool idea, when it comes down to it – I like found footage stuff, but I’ve never seen it expressed in writing before. I think this is a good premise to focus on as well; your prose is descriptive and definitely leans well into things that need to be told in a format without dialogue/sound/narrator.

I mean, it only took the better part 6 years to figure out how I wanted to do this since “write a fic with no dialogue at all” is surprisingly tricky as a challenge, but glad to hear that that persistence seemed to pay off.

Really liked the idea of a gas station being haunted and shown to us in this way – it feels like something out of a spooky anthology (dare I say…. Tales from the gas station? :P), and sets the vibe for a mystery well. I also liked the way that you thread the story into place by showing us different people who keep popping up – the grey-haired kid and his Teddiursa, the old couple who might not be all that they seem, the one-offs like the college kids and that Angery Biker Dude. It helps it lend a bit of narrative to a story that’s seriously constrained in its ability to tell one, and offers a platform to slowly layer answers about wtf is going on here even. (the art was really cool, too, and made the fic vibe like 100000% cooler just by existing)

>Tales from the Gas Station

I mean, if this wasn’t in one-shot format, it’d be a decent candidate for an alt-title. It might even be a decent candidate for an alt-title already. [loltias]

I will say that for a while, it kind of took a bit for this oneshot to get going – the gimmick of Creepy Woman Does Supernatural Stuff On-Camera wears off fairly quickly, and though it became clear what you were doing later into the fic when the different plot threads came together, there was a bit in the first half where I got kinda bored reading description after description of seemingly random events with no real flair to them (as they’re bound to the camera, which is not an animate object). I guess it’s hard to think of how to remedy that, though, outside of picking up the pace in that section – the only thing I can really note is that this might tbh be one of the stories where trying to get really crisp, lean prose might have helped it flow a lot better. Otherwise it’s a lot of description to go through, which certainly helped when the story was Interesting (the beginning, the claw machine, the robbery at the end) but got a bit hard to trod through during the boring parts.

Yeah, I actually have gotten feedback from a couple reviews in the past that have suggested writing with more “dry” prose to better fit the vibe of someone dispassionately reviewing security camera footage. It’s probably beyond the ability for me to patch in as a simple fix, but if one day I felt the urge to write a [NO AUDIO] (redux), it’d definitely be up there as a priority. Ditto trying to have an extra “guidepost event” or two during the first half to try and steer the readers towards who Nami really is.

I’ll take a shot and say that the “”girl”” is actually giratina, though what giratina is doing mucking about in a random gas station is anyone’s guess. Apparently it either didn’t notice it was being filmed for a while, or didn’t care, and it clearly wanted to be seen at the end, so it doesn’t seem to be too preoccupied with keeping itself a secret… It’s not entirely clear to me who the old couple were (unless it’s dialga/palkia?), though as I’m not familiar at all with Sinnoh, it could be something I just don’t know by virtue of never playing the game tbh. I suspect this is a fic where the answer isn’t really important, though, and leaving it up to interpretation certainly fits the spooky vibes! A pokemon like giratina doesn’t need a reason to haunt a gas station, after all; it can do pretty much as it likes and no-one’s gonna stop it. Thought her little friendship with the kid and his Teddiursa was cute, at the least.

You’re actually on the money with that read. And she’s bored and futzing around with mortal normies doing her best impression of Persona 4’s final boss.

Overall, I enjoyed this! You have a knack for really interesting premises, and you really brought the best out in this one. Until next time, and good luck with your writing!

~SparklingEspeon

What can I say? I have a thing for premises that try to do something different. ^^;

Glad to hear that you had fun with this one-shot even if you had a few bones to pick. Thanks for the quick turnaround during as busy of a season as Review Blitz, I’ll have to find some ways to pay the favor back later on this year.
 
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