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Pokémon Luceat Lux Vestra

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Hey! I really wanted to check out the rest of this fic, partially because I liked the first go, partially because @Spiteful Murkrow recommended it, and partially because GIJINKA SHENANIGANS. I binged up to the latest update as of this post, which was Chapter 5.

After the gang goes to Oreburgh City and Arceus is confused by what pipes are (don't show him Super Mario Bros) they go to the museum, which Arceus accuses of heresy due to resurrecting fossils. That's how you get Jurassic Park, people!

After meeting an enthusiastic professor who is surprisingly chill about meeting God, they go to the Oreburgh mine, where they are accosted by a wild Onix Arceus is very cryptic about helping them defeat. After that Arceus asks for a nickname, and rather going for the memey options like I would Luca goes for Alfa - which, in a sense, is a pun at least.

They then, do to Alfa's confusion on what TVs are, go to Jublife City for CONTESTS! And also get interrupted by Mesprit, and learn that Palkia's an idol now I guess. But then a rift needs to be repaired, and in the process while marveling at Stunkys Luca meets a tall... pretty... woman, who I suspect is Giratina or Yveltal, and her cute little Salandit. Where will things go from here? WHO KNOWS.

I must say in addition I do adore Alfa, What a high and mighty disaster man. I want to feed him Poffins.

But this is a very fun fic that is very up my alley! Can't wait for more.
 

bluesidra

Mood
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. hoppip-bluesidra-reup
  2. hoppip-bluesidra-pink
  3. hoppip-bluesidra3
Hello! For the Glory of the great Farfetched (or guzma, I’m not sure yet), I must see what the incarnations of chaos and order are up to now. I’m starting at chapter 15 again and will give my thoughts as I go along.

So, I think I already read chapter 15 during the blitz? If so, it’s different from how I remember it. Now that I’ve refreshed on it, I don’t think Luca is as much a fly on the wall as I remember them. They don’t say much in the tense altercation between Dia and Roark, but what they say changes the course of the conversation.

Also, Dia “manning” up and talking to Roark without his usual tsundere tendencies suddenly shows a much more mature side to him, that fits a being literally as old as time. It’s evident that Galactic’s antics have really taken a toll on him and his family. Though, since he says that he’s been found out, it makes me wonder why nobody else seems to know? Did Cyrus keep it such a well guarded secret? That’s nice. Or is the Clockmaker persona a relatively new one, that he assumed (or reassumed) after the events of dppt blew over?

(Also, I’m still all in for some Red-Chain-Daiya-whump)

Roark now comes across as a bit of a pushover, when Dia blows up in his face multiple times and he excuses it every time. It is a really admirable feat, but I vaguely recall him being a lot more assertive and steady, kinda like a rock. Dia might throw his tantrums, and then cool down again, while Roark is relatively unphased.


Okay, so chapter 16. Oh boy, what a bombshell. So many thoughts.

So. Dia. He sounds like he’s trying to sound godlike, but fails. I mean, it’s obvious that he’s lived for a long time and seen a lot, but at the same time, his casual tone makes him sound like the teenager he looks like. Very cute.

Then enters Alfa. Oh wow. First of all: Hooray for Alfa with ruffled hair and pajamas mental image. But second: He got up on the wrong side of the bed, didn’t he? He sounds very harsh in regards to his son and his feelings in general, and I very much share Luca’s thoughts on that one for one.

And, yeah, he’s totally not projecting here and is definitely over the death of his wife and his very fleeting emotions for her. Totally.

(Also, did Alfa just invent a reason for him to sleep through any and all relationship drama his son has, because that disrupts the flow of time, so dad must slep now talk to mom? Sneaky.)

Luca takes a backseat this chapter and is does them very well, I think. It might be with the long pause since I last read the fic, but both their relationship to Alfa and their general authority (though I don’t know what authority) now seem a lot more established. I think it was the fact that they talked to Alfa “offscreen” when they tried to get a better answer and the narration didn’t consider their bickering important enough to focus on. Makes it feel like they are very much in tune. Also, of course, that Alfa prefers to “be” with them alone, as in, he didn’t really talk, just wanted them around him.

One thought on the narrator: I’m usually not too fond of omniscient narrators, because they often feel like limited narrators until they suddenly reveal their omniscience for a paragraph or two and that always completely takes me out of the flow. Not here. In this chapter, the narrator is very strong and very distinct from the characters. It is an eerie, all knowing entity, that is a bit unsettling to be honest, but fits the story about gods.


Okay, so the actual chapter 17. Oh wow, was this a welcome one. It takes a lot of the “grievances” I had with Luca and addresses them head on. Dia straight out calls them out on being apathetic towards everything, and why they take everything at face value. They don’t explain it, but the way they react is kinda enough for an answer? They simply are like that (and are supposed to be like that by the author). And that’s enough for me to accept it.

Also, neat little incorporation of PLA stuff. I want to know how Gira is doing, too. At least hugely messing with the lives of mortals is a consistent trait of Arceus between PLA and LLV. To the point that even Dia knows. Oh, yeah, when Dia brought up how he doesn’t want to upset daddy in the previous chapter, I immediately had to think of Gira. Scary.

Then there’s an adorable Celia being adorable. You described her very vividly. Now I want to pet the round ball too. Imo the talk about Celia dragged a bit and took the focus away from Luca a tad too quickly, without ever returning to them. By the end, it feels like the chapter is about Celia (who is totally normal and this plot point will definitely never come up), when the stuff about Luca was the harder hitting one. An fix would be for Dia to somehow circle back to them, maybe ask what the incident with Celia was, and then make a remark on either Luca’s actions or their matter of retelling or sth.


Okay, chapter 18 now. Oh! OH! You spoil me today! At first I wanted to tell you that, yes, giving me a fanservice chapter of Luca’s hormones getting the best of them is A-okay if you still have to prepare for Celestic, and then you whip out such a twist?!?!

But, before I forget it. I think you now found your groove with the writing. All the chapters I’ve read today flow smoothly, the narrator is established, and there’s a certain air of regality about it. Also, Luca has really grown on me over these last chapters. In my first readthrough, I was way more interested in Alfa and what he is up to, but starting with this chapter, I realized that this time, he was the one distracting from Luca and taking up their screentime.

Then: Oh yes, Luca! How very very precious! I love the way they are mercilessly struck by this crush. It is so sweet, after the last chapter where they are in fact very apathetic and don’t care too much about how they come across towards Dia, now, out of a sudden, they second guess every word. So cute. I ship them. Also, seems like a problematic ship, what with all that dark and mysterious aura around Ervie, which is why I ship them even more.

Alfa’s mood also plummets again as soon as he sees her. But this time, it becomes clear that it is not jealousy (at least not all of it). This reporter seems to be hiding something and he doesn't like it. Not a bit. And then the fact that I can’t place the contents of her backpack. Are those the standard issue colorful shards? How are they connected to Alfa having such an averse reaction? Why does he go mute afterwards, only mentioning broken things? Is this a possible shill for Persephone’s fic?

I don’t need sleep, I need answers!

Also, kudos on Alfa confronting her and her standing her ground. In just a few short exchanges, you brought across that Alfa is not amused, but also not in full dad-mode, and that Ervie is not one to be intimidated easily.

Oh, and one other thing I find very very sweet: Celia is always confused and a little scared when anyone, even Alfa, picks her up. When it was established, that most pokemon seek his presence, Celia always runs straight back to Luca, where she feels save. That paired with how almost sedated Luca usually acts paints a very dark picture of their past. Poor babies.

So. I have to thank the leek (or the crusty old man) for finally kicking my butt and catching up with this fic. Is very good. Has gotten even better. And for personal reasons, I’m now also a lot more invested in Sinnoh lore, so big eyes on what comes of celestic town. (Pro tip: Keep the past vague and if you write yourself into a corner, have what everyone assumed to be a historical truth be a misconception all along. That’s at least how I try to keep my head above the water)

But don’t pressure yourself and burn out. The quality of these last chapters is immense, and I think that speaks for how good it does you when you take a break once in a while. (Just don’t forget that I still need answers!!!)

Keep up the good work – Cheers, blue
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
In a flash, they have sped through the clouds and winds and arrived at the foot of Mt Coronet, and the smoking chimneys of Oreburgh City's mine and factories are now within sight.
Today was the perfect excuse to take a peek at this fic!

I have to say, for starters, you do a nice job capturing an atmosphere. It reminds me of those oddball slice of life anime's where some ancient god or being or something has to come down and awkwardly accomodate to mortal life. There's a sense of groundedness to your take on the world, since Spear Pillar is a readily accessible area, Arceus is sort of known but treated more like old myth than real and present, and Luca is just chilling here painting.

Also on that note, I adore the little detail of Celia helping dry the paint, thats SOOOO cute oh my gosh.

Since this was a quick first read for pleasure, I don't have any specific critiques. I like what you're going for, and I like that you quickly and casually establish a simple but not simple goal for our protagonist Luca. Having something there helps keep the plot feel engaging.

I also enjoy the glimpse we get of Luca - a little awkward, but good hearted and thoughtful, maybe a little quiet.

Arceus on the other hand, seems remarkably chill and relaxed, and I like his vibes too. Kind of like a wise old teacher sort of ?

Anyways I think this little prologue/opening does a good job presenting what I assume to be the tone and point of the fic (friendship/slice of life as they gather plates?) and its definitely something I'll be reading later at some point! Good luck!
 

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Henlo! Thank you for the kind words and for stopping by, blue and Tetra! :veelove:

@bluesidra
I've been writing and deleting responses because I don't want to give too much away, heh. At the end, the most important thing is I would like to send this emote:
:copyka::copyka::copyka:

The other thing that's unrelated to spoiler is I haven't retouched these chapters since publishing, if my Bulbagarden log is to be trusted. Also I'm going through editing in chapter order, so I'm still far from giving this one another look. So. That's interesting.
 
Chapter 6: A Floral Encounter

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 6: A Floral Encounter

"Child of Light?"

"What?"

"You have been quiet since we departed, and soon we will reach our first stop. I must say, this is uncanny."

Luca stops at their track and begins muttering, "You want to know why I'm in this mood? Do you really want to know why?"

"Hmm, I sense a disturbance in the balance," remarks Alfa with a deadpan face.

"I mean…! Eve is so much to handle but they're absolutely a beauty when I think of them with their voice on mute, but they can't come up to the surface now! Even though I traveled in that direction to go to Lake Verity and draw them!"

"I'm glad you think of my child as beautiful, but Mesprit's voice is part of their charm."

"And then Miss Ervi! Miss Ervi! I wanted to draw her so bad! Right there and then! But I just had to faint from exhaustion and missed my chance to ask her to model! I didn't even get to ask for her contact info!"

"How about painting my good self?" interjects Alfa, but the suggestion is met with a look of disbelief.

The rants go on for a while, until they smell a fragrant scent carried by the wind. More flowers of many shapes and colors come into view, and eventually they can see a wooden gate arching over the road. They have arrived at Floaroma Town, vivid and scented.

"It's as pretty as its reputation," says Luca, watching their surroundings. Here, almost every house and building has a flower bed of varying sizes. It reminds them of home, just a little. Their hometown is known for its flowers, among other things, but it pales in comparison to this. They pull on their beret a little, before stopping and moving their hand as if they were adjusting it.

"I see the people of this town hold their wisdom true," Alfa muses. "It's truly comforting to see there is still something familiar in the everchanging passage of time."

Nostalgia, huh? That does sound like a comforting idea. Luca starts seeing themself drawing the flowers too – the many colors and the Pokémon flitting about between them. Maybe the third time will be the charm.

"We should go find an inn then. I don't want to spend the night at a Pokémon Center again," says Luca.

"You can go without me," replies Alfa – a Combee has landed on his hand. "I will find a place at Floaroma Meadow."

"You want to sleep outside?"

"A crude but correct assumption. Yes, I prefer the outdoors."

"Sometimes I wonder how you keep yourself sparkling clean all the time."

"'Tis because I am a god."

"Figures."

After separating from Alfa, Luca stops by the local Pokémon Center to have Celia and Chopin checked up. While waiting for their turn they realize, it has been a while since the last time they were by themself. Things have been so hectic, they had no chance to pause and breathe. This is a good opportunity to use their alone time for art; just them and their brushes, with no oddball watching over their shoulder.

Finding an inn turns out to be a simple matter, and they finish making their reservation in no time. As they contemplate which corner of the town to paint, they spot a brown-skinned girl with wavy hair – lush as leaves – just outside the inn. Pink flowers decorate her hair, and the same sort of flowers fill the basket she carries.

The girl, too, notices Luca and begins approaching with a smile. "Would you care for some of Floaroma Town's specialties?"

"Gracidea flowers, huh? They're really pretty," says Luca, crouching down to get a closer look at the flowers. It would be cute to give some to Celia and Chopin since those two have been their partners, but…. "Sorry, I'm a traveling trainer. I don't have the space for keeping flowers fresh."

"Oh my, we have a knowledgeable visitor today," says the flower girl. Noticing the confused look on Luca's face, she adds, "Well, you can tell it's Gracidea."

"Isn't this common knowledge?" asks Luca, still puzzled. "When we talk about Floaroma then it's gotta be the story of how Shaymin made the land fertile and the flowers bloom, right?"

"I see more visitors only care about whether the flowers would make a trendy photo background. Not that we can do much about that, and it brings business to the town," she answers with a shrug. "And I believe the folktale only said that a Pokémon did it, not what the Pokémon was."

Oh. Oh. Luca wishes they knew Minimize. "S-Sorry, I got ahead of myself. Was I wrong?"

The flower girl twirls her long hair around her finger and asks back, "Do you believe Shaymin still exist?"

Do they? If they were asked the same question last month, they would have answered: no, not in particular. Mythology is interesting, but it is often no more than a fantastical reflection of the era and place it originated in. At least, that is what they believed before, but now they are in the middle of learning again from scratch.

"I guess I won't be surprised if they exist," answers Luca. "Things long gone or thought to never exist sometimes show up in some rarely visited corner. Weird world that we live in, right?"

"Hmm. In my family it's practically a fact that a Shaymin was responsible for rejuvenating this town," says the flower girl while fixing the Gracidea on her hair. "It's a lil' surprising to hear someone else speak about it with the same certainty."

She twirls her hair around her finger again, and at last decides, "So you're not buying, right? Maybe I'll go home for today…. Well, then. Enjoy Floaroma, traveler."

"Wait, can I come with you?" asks Luca. While the flower girl is still caught in surprise, uttering no response, they realize how odd that sounded and quickly add, "Ah, I'm actually a folklore student. This isn't something weird! Not at all! I just want to hear more about Shaymin and your family's Floaroma story."

"Suspicious…."

"U-Uh, I guess it sounds suspicious and weird. Wait. I mean, no! I swear I didn't mean to be weird!"

Her fingers play with her hair again. After a moment, she shrugs. "Well, I guess that's fine. You seem like an alright sort."

"Thank you!" Luca's face brightens; they have stumbled into something just as good – if not better than – a painting subject. If this bore fruits, perhaps it would make Professor Linden glad too.

As they walk, Luca conducts an interview to learn more about the flower girl. Her name is Sheila, and she lives alone by Floaroma Meadow. Her family is a nomadic society, but wherever Gracidea can bloom, they will entrust one of theirs to watch over the place, and right now it's her turn to stay at Floaroma. Here she fulfills her duty, until the day she can join her people again.

Floaroma Meadow lies beyond the forest at the outskirts of the town. After walking under the shades of the trees, the path opens to a vast glade where flowers bloom as far as one can see. It makes the town look like a small garden in comparison.

"Child of Light?"

Luca shudders. There is only one person who would call Luca that, and sure enough, they can spot Alfa walking toward their direction. He has a Wurmple on his shoulder and a Budew stumbling by his feet – his pace slower as to match the little bug's smaller steps.

"I thought you're looking for a place for sleep," says Luca when Alfa is finally within speaking distance.

"I already found one with help from these little ones." He gestures at the pair he came with. "And I reckoned you might come in this direction to paint the scenery."

What? So he paid attention to them, enough to make a guess like that. Luca can't help smiling a little hearing it. "And what would you do if I decided to draw the people in the town instead?"

Alfa gives no answer and only stares – did he even think that far? The awkward silence is only broken when he notices the flower girl hiding behind Luca. "Hello," he greets. "Are you the current guardian of this meadow?"

"I am…." murmurs Sheila – her voice has become so small.

It's faint, but Alfa smiles in response. "You have my gratitude for keeping this meadow beautiful."

Hearing those words, a gasp escapes from Sheila's lips and her hands move to cover it. One. Two. Three. More and more Gracidea flowers sprout and bloom from her hair. Upon noticing the profusion of flowers, she makes her escape as fast as the wind.

"Is she okay?" asks Alfa.

"She is definitely not," replies Luca.
 
Chapter 7: Flowers and Millennia

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 7: Flowers and Millennia

Sheila the flower girl ran away after Gracidea flowers suddenly bloomed from her lush hair. That was the moment when Luca realized: she is a Shaymin, isn't she? They have read that flowers bloom on Shaymin's grass-like furs when they sense gratitude, and in hindsight, what she told them about her family also matches Shaymin's supposed migratory habit.

When the pair follow the direction she fled to, they find a small cottage in the middle of a field of pink Gracidea, even more radiant and fragrant than those she carried in her basket. Combee and Beautifly flit about from one blossom to another. This must be where she lives.

Luca knocks on the door. "Sheila? Are you there?"

A small cough comes from behind the door. "I'm sorry, I don't feel well…."

"Young Shaymin, my apologies for surprising you," says Alfa from behind Luca.

At once, the door opens wide: Sheila, absolutely flustered, her hair is still covered with flowers. "With all due respect, how could you spill my identity in front of this… this…!" She makes frantic gestures at Luca.

Luca gapes at first, but soon her reaction clicks in them and they say, as careful as they can, "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I also know this is Arceus, and I've met Mesprit too. It's fine, I promise."

Sheila looks at Luca, then at Alfa again. Alfa nods to confirm what she heard. She fidgets with her hair and at last says, "I-If Lord Arceus says so. Uh…. Sorry for running away suddenly, and… I'm happy to do my duty, my Lord. Then, w-would you like to come inside?"

"I'm afraid I have to refuse your kind offer; I wish to spend as much time as possible taking in the sight of this meadow," replies Alfa – another flower blooms on Sheila's hair. He places his hand on Luca's shoulder. "But perhaps the Child of Light here would enjoy the opportunity to speak with one of the Shaymin."

With that, Luca now finds themself alone with Sheila in her cottage, just as initially planned before Alfa showed up. It's a small place with sparse furniture, even the table where they sit at now only has one chair paired with it and Sheila had to bring in a stool from the kitchen so both of them can sit. While it lacks grandeur, however, it has greenery filling every corner instead and sunlight shines through the window on the ceiling.

"So… Child of Light?"

Luca chokes on their herbal tea. Upon regaining composure, they say, "Please don't start calling me that too. I have a name: Luca."

"What? You don't like it?" asks Sheila.

"No, no, no way. Absolutely not," asserts Luca with a scowl. "But he is oddly stubborn about it. I think he willfully ignores me whenever I protest."

"Oh…." Sheila leans back in her chair, her hands carefully snipping off the flowers that grew from her hair. As she works, she wonders, "Maybe it's because you have the same name as his wife."

For the second time, Luca chokes on their tea. "Wife? That oddball has a wife?"

"Who are you calling an oddball?" protests Sheila. "And it's had. His wife passed away millennia ago."

Wife. They never considered it before, but thinking about it, maybe it shouldn't be that surprising. Alfa is ancient – the person with the longest history in the world. Having a spouse or two isn't odd in such a massive timescale. But what kind of being would be his match?

"He never told you that?" asks Sheila while plucking the next flower within reach.

Luca shakes their head; the only thing they know for certain is Alfa's stubborn refusal to call them by name. "Who… or what kind of person was his wife?"

"Well, I only know of stories passed down in my family too." Sheila twirls her hair around her finger. "It's said that the Esteemed Lady loved flowers and took a great liking to my ancestors, and that's why we were granted the ability to take on human form like them. Apparently it's the Lord's way of saying we're chosen and special."

After removing another flower, she leans forward and whispers, "As for who… say, have you ever heard of Mew?"

"The super rare Pokémon said to carry the genes of all Pokémon?"

"That's a very… modernistic take, but fine, close enough," says Sheila with a shrug. "If the Great Lord was the soil, so the story goes, then the Esteemed Lady was the seed of the tree we call the world. She was the first Mew, and every other Mew are mere branches of hers. And not just that – since she was the original seed, other living beings also descended from her, including the myriad of plants and humanity."

Ah, of course his wife was the universal ancestor of all beings. The god and the source of all creations – literally a match made in Heaven. Last month, Luca would have questioned the concept of a being that gave birth to all life, but here they are now.

No, they should still question it, for that's how knowledge can progress. These stories don't have to be literal. They never have to. Although it's now harder to argue from that perspective after meeting Alfa.

They cast their gaze outside the window, where the meadow is in full view. Now they realize, Alfa always showed keen interest in technological advancement before, but since arriving at Floaroma he has only been looking at the flowers and disregarding everything else. His late wife must be the reason why.

Huh? Is the oddball feeling wistful? Why should they care? Something about it nags at them. They take out their journal and jot down everything they heard. Once done, they say, "I think I should go back to him now. Thanks for the stories."

"Aw, you don't want to hear more about the Shaymin? Maybe another story of ours?" asks Sheila.

"Sorry, I'd love to, but maybe next time." As Luca finishes their tea, they add, "By the way, what tea is this? I love the sweet scent."

"Gracidea tea. Goes for 350 per pack. It can also heal status conditions for Pokémon," answers Sheila with her flower girl smile.

"…You're selling it."

"Naturally. Support a local business! Folklorists are supposed to do that, right?" She winks outrageously.

"I'm not sure what image of folklorists you have in your… no, never mind," mumbles Luca. They relent, however; tea leaves are easier to keep than fresh flowers.

Soon enough, Luca finds themself wandering in the vast meadow, looking for where their companion has gone. The weather is clear, and the brightness is almost blinding. If they look down, they can clearly see the flowers and the wild Pokémon frolicking between them.

Did the meadow look like this too back when the first Mew was still alive? Full of life and colors? It's easy to see how one can fall in love with this. Perhaps back then Sinnoh even had a warmer climate, allowing more life to flourish.

Their shadow on the ground has grown taller when they finally find Alfa dozing off under a tree at the outskirts of the meadow. For once he is alone, with no Pokémon gathering around him.

"Welcome back, Child of Light," he says upon noticing Luca's approaching footsteps.

"Don't move from your spot," says Luca. They sit down a short distance away from the man and begin taking out their sketchbook and pencils.

"You changed your mind," remarks Alfa.

"Yeah."

"Did something happen?"

They don't answer. Their focus is now on the sketchbook and the model before them. On the paper, they shape his cheeks, his nose, his flowing long hair. They replicate the light as reflected by their subject's ivory radiance. Only when they start polishing the sketch that they speak, "I met Professor Linden at the Ruins of Alph in Johto several years ago, he found me sketching the ruins like this and asked if I'd like to help him in his folklore works. I accepted, and that was the beginning of my journey with him."

A stray line; they erase it and put it back in place. "Traveling with the Professor made me interested in his works too. Especially, I became interested in the reasons and emotions behind the stories from the past. How did those stories come to be? What shaped them into the form we know today? Eventually, I started wanting to depict those in my art too, instead of only drawing what is in front of me. It hasn't been easy though."

They look up at Alfa – his red eyes reflect sunlight like cold jewels. "Today I was reminded, you are basically the oldest interviewee I have ever met. You are the person with the most stories, and now you are my oldest drawing subject too. But…." They look back down at their sketch, but their pencil doesn't move. "Well, I still can't stop seeing you as the oddball that turned everything I knew upside down too. Is that fine?"

Alfa gives a slow nod. "That is, indeed, fine. I am not a human like you, and never will be." He tilts his head. "I rather enjoy your presence, in any case."

"One day," says Luca, peeking from behind the sketchbook, "I want to draw you again after knowing more about you and your life."

"Learning about myself may take longer than a lifetime for you."

"Then I just need to do what I can." Luca's hand starts moving again, giving the sketch a finishing touch. "As long as I can leave something of you behind, I've done my part as a folklorist. Someone will pick up my trail, like when I picked up Professor Linden's."

Hearing that, a smile slips into Alfa's expression. "You are correct. That neverending chain of progress is what I adore about the mortals."

"More than the flowers of this meadow?"

"Who knows?"

When they finish the sketch, Alfa takes a look at it. "I didn't know I could be that beautiful. Thank you, Child of Light." His words sound like hyperbole, but a part of them agrees with the sentiment: so he can be a beautiful subject too. They start looking forward to tomorrow a little more, and the next time they will draw their traveling companion.
 
Chapter 8: A Rondo of Runts

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 8: A Rondo of Runts

The sun is setting on Route 205. A Noctowl flies above the hilly terrains, leading Luca and Alfa to a small cave opening. "Ohh, this is nice!" says Luca when they arrive at the cave. "We don't have to worry about the weather for tonight. Thanks, Chopin!"

The Noctowl hoots in delight and rubs his head on his trainer – smaller than he is – as if saying: Praise me! Praise me more!

"Ha, good boy. H-Hey, come on, that's enough! Haha." Luca tries to push the Noctowl away, but the bird has more strength, and he pushes harder for snuggles.

Suddenly, a pale hand touches the bird's head, stopping him in his place. "Enough of that. You will make your sister upset."

Sure enough, Celia is scowling and sparks of flame come jumping from the Cyndaquil's back.

As soon as they have been freed from the Noctowl, Luca starts preparing dinner for the group. Here are the berries and mushrooms that they gathered together along the way, and here is the Slowpoke tail that they found by the river thanks to Chopin's keen eye – they will taste delightful together. Celia's flame burns bright, heating the pan and the pot just right to bring out the flavor of the ingredients.

As the savory sweet smell begins to waft from the pot, so does Celia's mood improve. Chopin, too, hoots with her for their dinner to be served.

Thus another day on the road has ended. Or so Luca thinks as they watch Chopin flying away to enjoy the night, right before they hear a question: "Why do you travel with only those two?"

Luca gives the man in white a long hard stare before asking back, "Do I need a reason to be with them?"

"No," answers Alfa. He folds his arms and continues, "Although it strikes me as odd how you seem well-acquainted to long travels, yet you have nothing to defend yourself with in case of an attack from a being of stones and earth."

"A being of… do you mean Rock-type Pokémon?" Luca's gaze turns toward the depth of the cave. Save for the faint chirps of Zubat, they sense nothing in the dark. For now. "W-Well, we can just run away."

"That plan evidently worked wonders in Oreburgh."

"It worked when we were climbing Mt. Coronet!" retorts Luca. "We stay alert for the approach of Rock-types, and with that we can avoid them before it can scale into aggression! We were just unlucky in Oreburgh, especially since Chopin was staying at the Pokémon Center."

"It's arrogance to not account for that unfortunate possibility, Child of Light. Your kind is especially frail."

Luca pouts. From the beginning, they understand what Alfa is saying. They are aware of it. Even so…. "It's not like you'll understand," they mutter as they caress Celia's back, while the small Pokémon sleeps soundly on their lap.

If Alfa heard that rejection, he had decided to give no response to it, as now silence deepens between them. The crackles of the campfire are loud in the tense, cold air.

Unable to bear with that atmosphere any longer, Luca asks, "Well, if you're so worried about me, why don't you use the Meadow Plate you got from Sheila? It's Grass-type, right? Perfect for driving Rock-types away."

Alfa only stares at the trainer at first, but he stands up and takes off the ribbon tying his hair – a gesture Luca remembers from when he prepared himself to use the Flame Plate at Oreburgh Mine. He raises one hand, and comes his golden wheel, coated with the green of a meadow. With a snap of a finger, a shower of emerald light obliterates one of the rocks outside into smithereens, leaving only a crater where it once stood tall.

The impact stirs the Zubat in that cave into a frenzy, noisily screeching and flapping above in their disordered escape. Celia looks around in confusion, trying to make sense of her abrupt awakening. Meanwhile, Chopin returns in haste and starts pulling on the collar of his trainer's coat. In the middle of it all, Luca can only look with a dumbfounded expression on their face.

When the noise has died down and his golden wheel dissipated, Alfa tilts his head and says, "I would rather not, Child of Light. My control over my offensive output isn't satisfying yet."

"Very understandable. Thank you for considering it," replies Luca flatly.

He sits back at his previous spot as if nothing special occurred. While tying his hair, he adds, "But Child of Light, perhaps you have yet to notice, but the world – Pokémon won't attack you while you are by my side."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You heard my words."

Is what he said true? Luca recounts their journey so far: the Onix in the Oreburgh Mine attacked when they were separated; the Oreburgh Gate was awfully wet, but otherwise uneventful; small Pokémon flocked to him whenever they stopped to rest; nothing else happened on the road…. He is right. That's a god for you. But….

"Wait. Then that rock…?" They point at the steaming crater outside.

"Ah, I just wanted to know if three Plates are enough to wield my power with accuracy."

That is a god for you. His line of thoughts is incomprehensible as always.

Luca leans back. It's warm with Chopin right next to them and Celia on their lap; they can fall asleep like this. "So you're saying we're actually safe," they say. "Then what were you worrying about?"

A slow blink, and Alfa lets out a faint sigh.

"What? We will make do. Me and Celia and Chopin. Us runts gotta stick together."

"Runts?"

It takes a moment for Luca to realize what they have said. When they do, they shift in their place, the comfort they just had now gone. "Yes, runts. I'm not a good trainer, too indecisive and prone to sentimentality. Runts are what Celia and Chopin were too. But we're not in Johto anymore, and I won't come across Nox here in—"

Celia coos softly. Chopin, too, rubs his beak on his trainer's head.

"Sorry," mumbles Luca. They let out a long sigh. "Anyway, I hope that gave you some ideas why it's not as simple as catching a new Pokémon for me."

"I see," says Alfa. With that simple reply, the conversation ends, though slight tense still lingers on Luca's expression.

Moments later, when both Luca and Celia have fallen asleep, Alfa wakes. When he moves closer to Luca, Chopin notices him and comes approaching with a large gait. The bird bobs his head, watching the deity. A curious mood. To the Noctowl's delight, Alfa gives him a small scratch on the cheek, then under the beak.

Then he stops. He stops and does nothing but gaze at the sleeping trainer. The Noctowl hoots in a low voice, as to not wake them. Alfa nods in response. Minutes pass before he finally speaks, his voice so solemn and delicate as if to be carried by the wind.

"You may have doubts now, but I hope you shall one day see our blessing, for we won't abandon those who believe. All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. I promise this, my child, for you are loved."
 
Chapter 9: Through the Forest

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 9: Through the Forest

At the edge of Eterna Forest, Luca and Celia step out from a small inn, ready to continue their journey after a good night's sleep. The pair start to look around, even behind the inn, but one fact becomes increasingly clear: Alfa is not here. Luca thought he would be waiting outside like on the day of their departure from Floaroma Town, but….

"Well, what should we do now?" wonders Luca. Celia tilts her head – he should show up any moment, right?

Looking around for a little more shouldn't hurt; the pair continue walking until they reach a signpost. It reads: The Eterna Forest – Where Time Flows Eternally. The incident in Jubilife City comes to Luca's mind: it would be a problem if time didn't flow eternally, right? Or would it be no big deal? Nobody noticed that time was disordered at that spot, after all.

"I mean," Luca wonders out loud again, "is it even possible to stop the flow of time entirely?"

"If my son died…."

Luca jumps forward, away from the voice. It's a familiar voice, they realize with a prick of embarrassment, so they turn around and point at the source of it. "You!" They whine, "Where have you been?"

"I could ask the same of you," replies Alfa. "This is not where we promised to meet."

"That's because you weren't at the inn."

"Ah, I went to help this little one." He takes a step aside, revealing the red-headed girl hiding behind him, clutching a sketchbook. One of her twintails is tied into a loop, while the other hangs down free. Judging from her petite figure, she must not be much older than elementary school age.

"Mira's friend is missing," says the little girl. "Her name is Cheryl. She went into this forest several days ago, but she hasn't come out yet. Uhm…." She flips over the pages of the sketchbook and shows a crude drawing of a green-haired character to Luca. "This is what Cheryl looks like. Please help Mira find her!"

Such an earnest voice; Luca feels something lurching in them. "Uh, I guess I don't mind keeping an eye open, but kid, shouldn't you report this to the rangers or the police?"

The girl shrinks. "I did, but…."

"She told me that those responsible are busy with… something about a galaxy," says Alfa.

Luca scratches their head. They wanted to take their time through the forest to find and draw the famous Moss Rock, but that would be out of the question if they agreed to help her.

"Listen to your heart, Child of Light. Do you feel no pity?"

Hearing that question, they sigh. "Fine, but only until we reach the other side of the forest, got it? We don't have the supplies to keep looking."

Hearing that, the girl's expression brightens. "Thank you, miss!"

"Not 'miss'," corrects them. "Just call me Luca."

"Child of Light," interjects Alfa.

"Luca. And this small fella here is Celia." Luca makes a gesture at the Cyndaquil, who raises her paw on cue. They take out a Poké Ball from the pocket of their coat and release a Noctowl from it. "And this is Chopin. Chopin, look here, I want you to find…." They trail off as they stare hard at the girl's drawing.

The woman in the picture is green. Very green. Her long, braided hair is a dark green color, and so is the dress she wears. It may not be a polished drawing, but the woman appears distinct regardless. Chopin twists his head upside-down, acknowledging the drawing, before taking off into the depth of the forest.

It's peaceful in Eterna Forest. The chilly air is fresher than in Route 205 and sunlight barely reaches the ground, filtered through the leaves. Alfa asks the wild Pokémon – reverent as always – if they have seen the missing woman. Occasionally Chopin would fly over the group and immediately leave again – a sign that he has yet to sight anything of interest ahead of them.

Right when lunchtime arrives, they come across the Moss Rock in a clearing densely surrounded by trees. The sight of Budew and Cherubi relaxing around the towering boulder almost tempts Luca to stay at their spot and draw, but the faint look of worry on Mira's face reminds them of the problem they currently have on hand.

Cheryl must be someone important to Mira, judging from how she talks about the woman as they make their way through the forest: how her Kadabra and Cheryl's Chansey fought for the first time; how Cheryl admired her adventurer grandfather, but lacked the confidence to follow his footsteps; how despite that, Cheryl fought with Mira to keep Team Galactic away from their town.

"Wait, mister, you don't know about Team Galactic?" asks Mira when Alfa expressed his confusion.

"Ah, he came from another region," interjects Luca with their stock answer. "His hometown is a pretty backwater place."

"I heard about them from television… but I'm afraid my knowledge is still lacking," admits Alfa.

"Huh… Mira wouldn't have guessed since you dress so fancy, mister."

"Is that so? My children chose this attire for me."

"Anyway, Team Galactic," Luca begins, trying to stir the conversation away from the topic of Alfa's family before he can say anything difficult to explain away. "They're a group of terrorists that caused troubles in this region not too long ago. I heard they wanted to create a new world or something like that."

"They stole people's Pokémon and tried to steal Kadabra from Mira too! Mira won't forgive them!"

"I won't forgive them for bombing Lake Valor and destroying an ancient cave painting in Mt Coronet."

"Also their uniform is so tacky!"

"It is! Imagine walking around dressed like that! I wouldn't."

"How horrible," says Alfa dryly.

Luca clears their throat, then continues, "Well, apparently their leader went missing and since then most of them have quit, and some are trying to reform, but there are still a few left causing troubles around."

"Mira hopes Miss Cheryl didn't get involved with them…." says Mira, squeezing the sketchbook in her hug.

When Luca looks up, they spot something brown flying toward them – Chopin! He hoots and circles several times above the group before flying away again. Soon enough, they can see what the Noctowl spotted: a derelict, abandoned mansion.

"I-It's the Old Chateau…." Mira shudders.

"Old Chateau…" Luca checks the notes on their map. "That means we should be close to the exit to Eterna City now. Well, I guess Chopin was excited about finding a landmark. We should keep going."

However, Alfa stands at his place, staring at the mansion with intent. Luca raises an eyebrow at this, and when they are about to say something to him, he says, "Child of Light, I can sense one of my Plates inside this building."

"In here? Really? Then, Chopin!" A call and a loud whistle, and the Noctowl flies back toward his trainer. He returns inside the Poké Ball as a red light envelopes him. "Okay, let's get going, then. The sun is setting, and I want to leave this forest before it gets dark."

"You have to go without me, Child of Light," says Alfa. Luca, who already has one leg over a broken fence, looks back at him with a clear expression of disbelief. He continues, "This building is populated by spiritual beings, and my presence can be overwhelming for such creatures. If I had a particular Plate, I could wear the same shroud as them, but I suspect it is that very Plate that sleeps in this building…."

Luca stares hard at Alfa before muttering, "…Useless god."

"Hear, now. I merely have no desire to disturb my subjects."

Mira, meanwhile, has hid behind Alfa again. "Are you really going inside?"

"I guess now I have to," answers Luca with a shrug. They jump over the fence, then add, "Besides, this is nothing compared to the Ruins of Alph; that was creepy."

"You can stay with me if you wish, little one," says Alfa to Mira. He turns his gaze back at Luca as he continues, "I will wait here."

"Sure, sure. You better be there and not wander off," replies Luca as they walk through overgrown grass toward the mansion with Celia following right behind.

"One more thing, Child of Light," calls Alfa, stopping Luca in their tracks. "If you find yourself in trouble, do not hesitate to play the Azure Flute. Play it and think of my being. We shall find each other."

Luca looks at Alfa, then at Mira, then at Alfa again. They throw the Poké Ball containing Chopin toward him. "Appreciated. You just make sure to keep Mira safe – can't be too wary of those Galactic goons. Chopin will help."

With that, Luca makes their way toward the Old Chateau. They place their hands on the grand doors, which open with a grating creak for the guests. Come in.
 
Chapter 10: A Piece of Gateau

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 10: A Piece of Gateau

The doors of the Old Chateau close behind Luca and Celia. The only light in the dark building is the orange light of the setting sun, filtered through the dusty windows. Luca sets their bag down and rummages through it, with Celia watching by their side.

"Ah, found the flashlight." Click. Light now fills the direction ahead of them, revealing the tattered furniture and paintings and rotting floorboards. "Good, the battery is still charged. I'll be counting on you if any wild Pokémon appear to attack us, but we should minimize fire usage here."

They take another look inside their bag and notice the box containing the Azure Flute. It's a precious relic… but it's also a tool that Alfa has entrusted them to use. What should they— No, there is no time to fuss about this now. They take out the instrument and put it inside the pocket of their coat.

What now? They played it cool earlier, but a creepy place is creepy. Even if ghosts aren't real, it's not unheard of for Ghost-type Pokémon to create illusions to distract their prey. No, actually, it would be hasty to assume ghosts aren't real when they are traveling with the closest thing to a creator deity.

They pout, remembering they have no choice but to go forward. "Fine. Let's go."

The most conspicuous thing in the foyer is the statue of a… draconic thing. It has a plated head and webbed wings, but it also has six legs. Luca has never seen a Pokémon like it before. It also feels like it's glaring at them. Still, needs must; they begin to check the statue, seeing if they can find a hidden switch or compartment on it – anything. After all, leaving the mansion as soon as possible would be ideal.

There is nothing of the kind on the statue or its pedestal. However, when they look up at the statue again, its eyes now glow red. Ah. They can scream now. They want to scream. But by instinct they know that screaming would make the situation worse. "Sorry for intruding," they mumble as they enter the door next to the statue, away from it.

It's a dining hall; a wooden table spans across the room – perhaps many people dined here in the mansion's glory days. There is nothing but cobwebs under the table. Just like the foyer, the dust is thick and the walls are decorated with paintings. It must be a rich person's hobby; Luca wouldn't mind having one of such clients.

The kitchen is located right next to the dining hall. The sink is moldy; they opt to not check it after giving it a cursory glance. The room doesn't look like a place where anything precious may be kept, but they peek into the cupboards just in case – pots, pans, knives, and many more utensils sit unused, rusting away with time.

When they least expect it, their stomach growls. Really now? True, they are approaching dinner time, but that just from looking at kitchen utensils? It's a good thing that there is nobody to hear it except Celia.

"Oh dear, are you hungry? Please, help yourself to our prized old gateau."

Luca turns and points their flashlight toward the source of the voice: an old man in tuxedo carrying a slice of dark-colored sweet on a silver platter. Light shines through the translucent old man. Oh. They will be cursed if they don't eat this, won't they? Or will they be cursed if they do eat it? Which is it?

They accept the platter and split the sweet into halves. They gesture at Celia, telling her to eat one of the halves. Celia gives her trainer a look of concern. Luca bites into their half of the Old Gateau as if absolutely nothing was wrong, and Celia – though still concerned – follows. After that, they stand and bow at the old man ghost with a barely audible "thank you", then immediately depart from the kitchen and dining hall.

"If I'm gonna be cursed, at least I won't die hungry," they mumble to themself in between their hasty footsteps toward the second floor.

The hallway of the second floor is so long, the light of the flashlight fades off without revealing the end. There are many doors, but none that Luca can open. After the tenth door, a realization dawns on them: does the hallway even end? No. No, that cannot be right. They retrace their steps, but the stairs they climbed have disappeared.

Inhale. Exhale. "Damn."

They look left and right; the endless hallway and the mocking doors. The air is tense with a certain sense of wrongness. Celia huddles closer to her trainer's legs, shivering. Is this a curse or a Ghost-type Pokémon's doing? They have no idea, but they know they have to do something. They feel the Azure Flute in their pocket; should they summon Alfa now? No, they don't want Alfa to reveal his power in front of Mira – they left Chopin with him for a reason. So what they should do is….

"Celia, we're in a pinch, right? We need to do something, however dumb, right?" asks Luca. Celia coos, soft but raising in tone. "Okay, I don't know what would happen if it's a curse, so let's place a bet on it being a Pokémon's doing. Burn our surroundings with Flamethrower. Do it now! Go!"

The Cyndaquil hesitates at first, but her trainer's instruction is clear: they will break through this with force if they have to. Flame blazes on her back, from her mouth, then on the floor and the walls. The hallway burns brightly, but no smoke comes. A screech from the distance and a creaking sound from below; the floor under their feet falls apart with the encroaching flame. They fall down and down and—

"Where are we…? Ugh, my head…. Celia? Where are you? And where is my flashlight?" Luca feels around the floor in darkness until they touch a familiar shape; they pick it up and turn its switch back on. The light reveals what appears to be a library: the walls of this room are covered by bookshelves from one end to another. Just like everything else in the mansion, dust and disrepair envelope this room.

A rustling sound. Luca points the flashlight toward it: it's Celia, tottering toward her trainer. They sigh in relief. It seems the danger has passed for now, and with their adrenaline slowly wearing off, they begin investigating the library for clues of where Alfa's Plate may be.

Unbeknown to them, a shadow lurks hungrily in the corridors….
 
Chapter 11: Lost and Found

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Chapter 11: Lost and Found

The library of the Old Chateau covers various topics, from nature to technology to philosophy. The most recent books that they can find are dated around twenty years ago; could it be that was when the mansion became abandoned? There are notebooks scattered about as well, but the writings have faded and become illegible.

It will take a long time to check these books one by one, so they decide to try checking other rooms for clues first and return if needed. When they leave the room into a hallway, a shadow is lurking just outside, strangely serpentine and glaring with red eyes. Luca knows what to do now: "Celia, use Flamethrower!"

There is a distant screech again as the shadow is enveloped in flame. Luca takes advantage of the distraction to grab Celia and run as fast as they can. The hallway has become labyrinthine, twisting and turning in uncertain directions. Still, they run and run. They only stop when they hear a voice filled with urgency calling for them, "Hey! Over here!"

When Luca turns toward the voice, they recognize the green braid and green dress in front of them. "Miss Cheryl!"

"What? How do you know my name?" Her hand moves to her braid as she stares with suspicion. Before Luca can answer, she shakes her head. "Actually, never mind that for now. I know a safe place." The woman takes Luca's hand and pulls them into a room.

It appears to be a trophy room of some sort, filled with paintings and statues of even higher density than other rooms that Luca has entered. There are also shelves with various knick-knacks decorating them, and— The Plate! There is a dusk-colored stone tablet on one of the top shelves! They drag the nearest chair toward it right away, reaching for the item they have been searching for.

"Are you a treasure hunter or something?" asks Cheryl.

"Uh, no, not usually," replies Luca, their hand almost reaching the Plate – for the umpteenth time, they wish they were taller. "This belongs to someone I know, so…." Just a little more… their fingers topple the Plate over from its place, and thankfully it falls right into their grip. They let out a long sigh of relief; finally they no longer have to linger in this dreadful place.

After securing the Plate in their bag, they inform Cheryl about their situation: how they met Mira and learned her name, and how they ended up running around in the bizarre mansion.

"Mira…. Oh, I really made her worry, didn't I?" She shakes her head. "I only wanted to take shelter for a night, and… there was a lonely little girl. I realized she's a ghost – I mean, just look at this place – but I still felt pity for her. I thought it wouldn't hurt to play with her for a bit, and before I knew it…. Well, here I am now."

"And the ghost?"

"She left earlier, and not long after that, I heard your footsteps."

Knock. Knock knock knock. All three of them stare at the door. A shrill voice comes from behind it: "Cheryl…?"

"Just to be clear," Cheryl whispers, "I only have Chansey with me. Her attacks are ineffective against ghosts. It's… part of why I've been stuck here."

Knock knock knock knock BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG—

BANG.
The door opens wide: it's the same serpentine shadow as before. "Let's play… Let's play…" Is it just their feeling, or did the shadow grow larger? It now has many arms – wings? – spanning across the room. No matter. Luca shouts, "Again, Celia! Flamethrower!"

Celia's flame envelopes the shadow, but it's unmoving. A hissing sound permeates through the air. "One of daddy's treasures is missing… One of… One of you took it… Thief… Thief… Thief—"

The shadow lurches forward – neither Luca or Celia can react to it fast enough. It wraps itself around Celia, raising her to the air. Her flame struggles to combust. Eventually, the shadow lets the Cyndaquil go, and she falls to the floor with a thud. She winces, crumpled and trembling as she struggles, but it soon becomes clear that she is no longer able to move.

"Celia!" cries Luca. With reluctance, they take out a Poké Ball from their pocket and call their partner back. They grit their teeth. "Sorry. You did your best."

"Give it back… Give it back…"

The serpentine shadow looms. Celia is knocked out, and Cheryl has no Pokémon with damaging moves. They tried to avoid this outcome, but this is the last thing they have up their sleeves: they take the Azure Flute from their pocket and blow into it as hard as they can.

A familiar, mysterious wave of power emanates from the flute. Golden light fills the room and everything, and it shall repel all malice. Nothing shall be beyond His gaze. Nothing shall be beyond His reach. Nothing shall—

"Come on! This is our chance!" Cheryl's voice snaps Luca out from the trance as she drags them out from the room. To Luca's surprise, whatever happened appears to have paralyzed the shadow. The two run, making their escape down the hallway.

Huh? It's peculiar, the geometry and layout of the mansion isn't as confusing as before – they may even call it normal. In no time, they have reached the foyer stairway. Downstairs, they can see Alfa with his hair down. Luca has never felt this glad to see that man.

That feeling is short-lived, however, as the serpentine shadow has caught up with them again. It lurches toward Luca; they close their eyes in fear.

The binding attack never came for Luca. They open their eyes and realize that something has frozen the shadow at its place when it's merely a finger away from them. Alfa is looking – no, glaring. His eyes shine red and green.

"Imitators." His tone is unchanged, yet there is a weight to it that Luca has never felt before. "I shan't forgive that arrogance of yours. Begone!"

With that single word, the shadow disperses into its true form: a great number of Ghost-type Pokémon – Gastly and Haunter, and Misdreavus and Mismagius. Within that chaos, the flickering shadow of a girl retreats into the dark hallway.

"Poor her," whispers Cheryl.

Night has fallen outside of the Old Chateau. Upon seeing Cheryl, Mira hugs the woman and bawls her eyes out. Meanwhile, Luca gives Alfa an earful of what happened in the abandoned mansion.

"There was a distortion in this building," explains Alfa after the barrage of complaints has stopped, "and your playing of my flute mended it for now, just like in Jubilife City." He then frowns. "Although I did not foresee those spirits doing what they did. Arrogant. Distasteful."

It's unusual to see Alfa grumbling like this; usually he is calm, even almost emotionless. But this…. No. Luca remembers now: it has been a while, but this feels a little like that time at Oreburgh Museum. They now realize that, perhaps, at that time they had stopped him from doing something regrettable.

"I'm sorry, Child of Light."

"Huh?"

Alfa's unexpected words brought them back to the present. Sorry? What for? As they wonder about that, they feel a weakness in their legs and fall to their knees – fatigue? Their vision wavers, but they see one thing: Alfa's pale hand, offered to them.

"I overestimated," he says. "I should have predicted this after Jubilife City."

"Luca? Are you okay?" asks Mira, with Cheryl following right behind her.

Luca takes Alfa's hand and gets back to their feet. It should be fine if they keep holding on to his arm for now. "I'm just tired, I think. Don't worry about it."

"That's right, we had quite an adventure," says Cheryl. "Why don't we find someplace to rest and have dinner together? I have a few Chansey eggs I can share."

At the mention of dinner and eggs, Mira raises her hand. "Oh! Oh! Leave dinner to Mira! Mira will make something tasty!" She exclaims, "And then as promised, Mira will give you the stone tablet from the forest, Mister!"
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
  6. heliolisk-fobbie
Ah yes, LLV. It’s been a while since I’ve crossed paths with you. Though I did want to get at least a tranche of this story under my belt during Review Blitz, so let’s pick up right where I left off from last time with Alfa and Luca’s Bizarre Journey:

Chapter 4

It's a relaxing day in Route 203, the outskirts of Jubilife City. The sun is bright, the breeze is gentle, and the Starly tweet cheery songs. From Oreburgh Gate to the east, a trainer and their Cyndaquil come crawling out, drenched in water and mud. "I'm alive!"

One declaration, enough to startle the nearby Starly into flying away. "I thought I was a goner! Oh my god!"

Would recommend hacking this paragraph up in two here. I’m admittedly a bit unsure whether ir works better in the spot I recommended or in front of “I’m alive!”, though.

"Yes?"

"You!" Luca points at the man in white who, unlike them, came out of the cave in a perfectly clean state. "Please don't suddenly take a detour like that again. And a place full of water at that! What if something happened to me or Celia? Or worse, my sketchbook and journal?"

Luca’s certainly got their priorities straight there.

"I see," he replies. "But we have the Earth Plate now. Thank you for putting up with it."

IMO, it might make sense to say a bit more about Alfa’s reaction here brushing Luca off, even if it’s done in an inline fashion attached to “he replies”, since I’m admittedly having a bit of trouble visualizing what’s meant to go down here.

Luca stares at their companion. Look at his face: guileless, deadpan, devoid of any color whatsoever. A blank canvas that shouldn't be if he truly means his words. Is it too late to turn back now and try to track down Professor Linden?

Oh, there’s Alfa’s reaction to all of this. Guess this is a “whelp, it’s Tuesday” moment for him.

No, on second thought, their mentor would insist on them continuing this assignment.

Luca: “I think I need a new mentor.” >_>;

"Sure, sure. Just don't do it again," says Luca with a sigh.

This is still an odd arrangement to be in, and they are too exhausted to argue after the sudden detour and worrying about their books. Celia the Cyndaquil climbs up to her trainer's lap, warm and toasty, and the trainer wraps their arms around her.

Understatement of the millennium there. Though this part I do think would work better with dialogue and description definitively split apart from each other.

In the distance, they can see the skyline of Jubilife City, steel and concrete reaching toward the sky. So close, yet so far. If only they could teleport to the city without moving a muscle, how nice that would be. Then they can find a cheap but comfortable hotel for a day of rest and forget about the whole plate business. Yes, that would be nice.

Careful what you wish for, Luca. Since Alfa is literally right there.

The next time they blink, they are floating above the same buildings they just gazed at. They blink again; they are still floating in the sky. Celia squeals in their arms.

I warned you about those wishes, bro.

"Wh-wha—" Their head is spinning. Their legs flail in a futile attempt to find something to stand on. Is this real? They know only one person around who can pull such a trick. "Alfa! I just told you, don't do—"

Alfa: “I read your thoughts and you asked for this?”
Luca: “Those were supposed to be idle thoughts!”
:grohno~1:


"Hey, don't yell at my dearest Father!" There is an unfamiliar voice, giggling like ringing bells. "I'll drop you if you speak so rudely again!"

Luca: “Who the hell was-?!” O_O;

"I would appreciate it if you don't turn my guide into paste," Alfa harrumphs.

"Oh, Father, of course I won't!"

IMO, make it explicit that it’s Alfa saying the line there. Like it’s a bit obvious after looking at it a bit, but I still had an initial ‘wha?’ moment.

Who? The voices came from behind Luca. Once again, their attempt to reposition themself is futile. Thankfully it isn't for long, as in the next moment, the party lands on the tallest building, covered with satellite dishes. "Here should be the least conspicuous," says the psychic.

Oh, it’s the Lake Trio that’s doing this. I suppose that would explain why their voices were described as ‘giggling’.

As soon as their feet reach the solid floor, Luca immediately checks themself – Celia is okay; their glasses didn't fall; beret is still on their head; their bag is unopened. Everything seems to be in order.

Alfa: “What, do you think it’s my first time teleporting a companion?”
:gardeshrug~1:


"How did you like that? I granted your wish of teleportation!" The giggling voice assaults their ears. "How do you feel? Excited? Confused? Happy? Mad? I can sense a funny mix in you!"

Oh, so the Lake Trio did the dirty work of teleportation here. Though I’m guessing from the emphasis on emotions there that that’s Mespirit talking.

Luca takes a few steps back, Celia still in cradle, before taking a look at the source of this lunacy: a petite character wearing their pink hair in twintails, dressed in light blue and adorned with a big, long ribbon on their back. Red jewels decorate the tail ends of their ribbon, and as they laugh, their golden eyes twinkle like reflected starlight.

Scratch that, Mespirit moonlighting as a human. So it’s not just Alfa who can do that in this setting.

"H-Haha." After everything, now all that Luca can muster is a faint, tired laughter. They want to go to bed. On the ground. Celia chirps and pats her trainer's arm in consolation.

Luca: “Alfa, who is this? Why is she calling you ‘Father’?!”
:grohno~1:

Alfa: “Are the humans of this era really this ignorant about matters pertaining to the divine?”
:eltywtf:


"This is Mesprit," says Alfa, letting slide what just occurred like it was another Tuesday for him. "Although…." He raises his hand; it goes right through the psychic's satisfied smirk. "Your body is still in your lake, isn't it?"

Yeah, I knew it. Though I admittedly wasn’t expecting the astral projection there. That’s a neat party trick on Mespirit’s part. And probably would explain a thing or two about how annoying it is to encounter in the Sinnoh games.

"Of course you could tell, Father!" The psychic twirls to face Alfa – the ribbon on their back circling them in the motion – and offers a bow. "Please forgive my rudeness in using astral projection to meet you, but I'm so glad to be the first among my siblings to welcome you after your awakening."

Oh, so it’s literally ‘astral projection’. I figured, though I still blinked a bit at seeing the term namedropped verbatim there.

"I don't mind. Can you become solid for a moment?" asks Alfa. When they do ("As you wish."), Alfa places his hand on their head and begins rubbing it. The psychic giggles softly.

Luca: “... I’m sure that I didn’t accidentally mix up a box of psychedelic mushrooms for those chocolate toadstools that they sell at shops and that this isn’t all a massive trip, right?” ._.;
Mespirit: “No, this is all real! Besides, you humans stopped selling those here a decade or two ago!” ^^

'Father,' huh? In their mind, Luca begins reciting one of the myths of the region: From itself again, three living things the Original One did make. 'Father' makes sense in that context, but it's still surprising to see the oddball acting fatherly like this.

"What did you just call my dearest father?"

Luca: “... Oh boy, this is gonna be a problem.”
:uhhh:


Luca jumps backward. When did Mesprit get right in front of them? And did they always wear that ruby red hairpin?

Mespirit: “Did you not just see that I can teleport my astral projection around as I please?”
:eltyunamused:

Luca: “That doesn’t mean that you need to do that right now!” >.<

"Heehee! You react a lot, and your emotion fluctuates so vibrantly in your silver eyes! I love that. Silver eyes are a good omen, you know? Here, another gift from me." Mesprit waves a hand at Luca; a warm wind blows, drying the befuddled trainer in an instant.

“Silver eyes are a good omen”, huh? Wonder why, but I’ll be filing that one away for the future.

"Mesprit…." mutters Alfa, his arms crossed.

Giggling, Mesprit flits toward the door of the rooftop. The door glows for a short moment when they place their hand on its handle. "Shall we go, then? I know you are tired from assisting my dearest Father. Oh, and call me Eve!"

So just how much of a riot are Uxie and Azelf anyways? Though ‘Eve’, huh? Is one of the other two an ‘Adam’, then?

After entering the building, it soon becomes clear that they are in Jubilife TV station. The busy crew hurrying to meet their schedules. The glimpses of stars you usually only see on screen. The excited laughter of the audience and visitors. If one was a romantic, they might call it a place where dreams are made.

I’m of two minds as to whether or not it makes sense to add a hard scene break here. On the one hand, we’re effectively changing scene settings here. On another, I think that Mespirit was meant to have dropped them off right down the street. If the latter happened, it might make sense to beat that over the heads of the readers a little harder if you’re going to keep things in a one-scene format.

Luca isn't a romantic in the matter of mass entertainment. They whisper to no one, "I hope the staff are getting enough sleep."

Narrator: “They aren’t getting enough sleep.”

Alfa, on the other hand, watches everything that goes on with interest. "And then everything recorded here will be transmitted throughout the boxes in the region."

"It's called television, Father."

Alfa: “Wait, you know about this, Mespirit?!” O_O;
Mespirit: “Well, I have been wandering about the region for a while, so-” ^^
Alfa: “And you’ve never informed me about this why?
:whodarespostthis:


"Television." Alfa nods. "So this is how far humans have come in my absence. Ah, there is one in this room too."

It appears to be a room for guests to rest in. There are comfortable seats, strategically placed potted plants, a magazine rack, and a television – Jubilife TV channel, of course. It's currently showing a recording of a Pokémon League match.

So does Mespirit have a favorite channel or commercial? Since I’m now getting the mental image in my head of Mespirit humming and dancing along in public to some really dippy jingle.
:loltias:


"—powerful Hydro Pump! Can Garbodor stand back up?! Three… two… one… and that's it, folks! The winner is Nox and Feraligatr! They'll move on to the semifinal! What a show from our newcomer – truly the silver storm! Will they win the ticket to challenge the Elite—"

Oh, we’re going to see those two at some point down the road, aren’t we? Since feels curious that there’d be a namedrop otherwise.

Celia coos as her trainer's hold on her tightens. Hearing that, Luca turns their gaze away. "Anyway," – they turned their mind away as well – "you wanted to come here, didn't you?"

Luca: “And, uh… why did you want to come here again?” .-.

"I thought I would be able to meet one of my children here," answers Alfa. As they walk, he continues observing his surroundings and the people passing. "But I can't sense her presence."

His gaze intensifies with those words, startling someone who met it by coincidence.

de7.png


Since, you know. Legendaries bandying around in the open can’t possibly end poorly ever.

"Isn't Eve here your child?"

"They are, but meeting Mesprit here was unexpected."

Eve giggles. "Your future sight has always been lousy, Father."

Oh, so that’s why there’s been a near-apocalypse every other game generation over past 20 years.
:fearfullaugh~1:


"I need to give it all of my focus to get it right. It's such a bother…. Oh."

Wait, how on earth does that work anyways if in the event that you see a future, you could trivially nullify it by trying to pre-empt it. Is this one of those things where when you look into the future at a given point, you’ll see where it would go in the absence of additional countervailing factors?

The next hallway they enter is filled with posters and signatures of celebrities. "So bright," mumbles Luca. "Huh? What now?" they ask when they see Alfa rushing forward; his face, too, is bright.

"Here," calls Alfa. He points at a poster of a pale young woman dressed in white and lavender, paired with a Togekiss. "I saw her on television. This is Palkia, isn't it?"

inb4 it’s just a soap opera star who’s completely unrelated.

"So you could tell! Impressive, Father!" replies Eve. "That's right, she goes by Tiana nowadays."

violet-spit-water-the-incredibles2.gif


Well, nevermind then.

"Is this what priestesses do now? I approve of spreading the divine words with such convenient technology, but these clothes are not what I have come to expect." Alfa's eyes follow the curves of the idol, his expression impassive as ever.

Luca: “I have so many questions right now.”
:grohno~1:

Alfa: “As do I, and I’m starting to understand how on earth the world almost ended on the doorstep of the Hall of Origin a couple years back now.”
:whodarespostthis:


"Oh, um, no. She quit priestesshood," replies Eve. Alfa's eyebrows twitch, making the psychic freeze for an instant. "I-I suppose it won't hurt to go ask when she's scheduled for a show. Oh, hello!" They wave at the first person – a beautiful person, perhaps a celebrity – passing by the hallway and skips away.

And there they go. There is the risk of Eve overhearing their thoughts, but Luca still can't help wondering if it's fine to let the psychic go. For starters, they are not yet convinced that Eve has more common sense than their eccentric father.

Narrator: “She doesn’t. Or at least not from a human perspective.”

Speaking of, Alfa is still looking up at the poster on the wall. He and the idol do share similarities: the same silver hair and red eyes, a blinding presence. Luca has ascribed that brightness to Tiana's polished performance before, but if she really was one of Alfa's children, perhaps there was another reason for it.

… So wait, does Tiana also have a Palkia-tier appetite where she can just pack away portions sizes appropriate for a 3-meter tall dragon and it just never reflects in her waistline? :V

Eve is taking a while. Alfa is now holding Celia – once again, the two seem to get along – since Luca's arms have grown tired of holding her weight. As an artist, they cannot overwork their arms.

Celia knows what’s going on and is having the time of her life, isn’t she?

As time passes, Luca remembers the reason they wanted to go to Lake Verity: investigate Mesprit's existence, try to spot the legendary Pokémon if the investigation result points toward positive, and paint the lake and Mesprit. Technically, they have cleared the first goal, while the rest…. Maybe they should bring it up to Eve? Eve surely would be a tease about it though….

Luca: “Though if I paint Mespirit like this, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be laughed out of the room by my clients.”
:eltywtf:


"Aw, I'm flattered you want to draw lil' old me! But no, I have no plan to come up to the surface anytime soon."

Luca jumps backward and hits the wall with a thud. Celia squeaks in surprise. The painter protests, "Please stop sneaking up on me like that!"

Luca: “Are you reading my thoughts?!” O_O;
Mespirit: “Yes? And? You’re not exactly putting in much effort to try and disguise them, you know.”
:gardeshrug~1:


"But I'm not?" Eve's giggles ring in Luca's head, and now the painter knows they won't ever forget it. The psychic turns their attention to the taller man.

"My apologies, Father. She wouldn't tell me about Miss Tiana's schedule, and her mind was so busy that I couldn't read it properly,” Mespirit explains. “Even though I told her that you are Miss Tiana's dearest father!"

Luca stares in disbelief. Of course she wouldn't believe that. Anyone could make up that kind of claim. Perhaps it's true that berries don't fall far from the tree, even when said tree and berries are immortal beings from the beginning of the world.

Luca: “... (Maybe I really did mix up that box of chocolate mushrooms with a box of psychedelics.)” O_O;

"More importantly," adds Eve, "I sense a distortion nearby."

Oh, well that’s not ominous at all there.

Alfa's eyes widen, a slight frown forms on his face. "Is there? Can we reach it from here?"

Alfa: “Giratina, if this is your doing again, I swear…” >_>;

Eve looks taken aback; for once, there is no trace of their cheery airs. "You couldn't tell? Is it because of me?"

The man puts his hand on the psychic's head again, caressing them, his fingers touching on the red hairpin. "Don't worry about that; I simply have yet to adjust fully to my current form. But perhaps I can use assistance. Child of Light?"

"It's Luca."

Luca: “... Wait, you’re not seriously thinking about turning into that giant llama form here are you?!” O_O;

"Do you want to learn how to mend a distortion in time?"

Luca: “... Not really, no? I’d kinda like to get off my crazy pills right now and go back to painting sceneries.”
:fearfullaugh~1:

Alfa: “Child of Light, do you want to learn how to mend a distortion in time?”
:whodarespostthis:

Luca: “You’re… not going to take ‘no’ for an answer, are you?” ._.;

And I suppose this is where I should start unpacking my thoughts a bit, huh? Like the past few chapters, I see that you opted for a short run format here. Some of the ones in the past had read a little accelerated from their short length, but for whatever reason this one didn’t. Probably because initial jump aside, it’s mostly set all in the lobby of Jubilife TV, so in the grand scheme of things, there’s not that much action going down. Even so, I felt this chapter moved the plot along more than I would’ve expected since now we’re starting to touch on what I can only suspect is going to be one of the main plot points of this story and a recurring headache for the protagonists.

IMO, the thing that carries this chapter as well as it does is the characterization on display. Eve and her being a bubbly, impish type that feels remarkably in-character for the annoying little bugger that I had to chase across Sinnoh multiple times to finally catch while still being fun to read as a presence. Alfa being a fish out of water who just casually strolls up to Jubilife TV thinking that he can just go “here to see Palkia, god business” without anyone batting an eye still is a source of humor as in past chapter, and there’s Luca who clearly still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that everything is real and that he’s not tripping. It makes me wonder how much longer the dynamic will hold since based on the distortion comment and the way Alfa and Eve reacted to it, I don’t think Luca will get away with being able to brush away Alfa as just an eccentric for much longer.

As for weaknesses that I noticed with the chapter, one of the standouts is that there could be a bit more description. It’s not as severe as what I noticed in some of the chapters prior to this point, but there were still a couple details that I felt weren’t fully communicated, with the opening of the chapter in particular being one of the more standout moment. I also kinda wonder if this one-scene chapter would’ve worked better as a two-scene chapter for reasons communicated earlier, but eh. I understand if you opt to stick to your guns here, and I feel with a little bit of fine-tuning, it works fine as a one-scene wonder chapter.

All-in-all, I’m glad to be reading this story again @silurica , since Luca and Alfa’s journey is still as fun to watch as I remembered it and it sounds like it’s ramping up in live-time. I’ll be looking forward to coming back for more of this story later in RB4, since hey, you left a pretty enticing hook that I’d like to follow up on a bit sooner than in another year. ^^;

Best of luck with Review Blitz, and good work on the story!
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
  6. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, back for another one of these, since I did want to get through enough of the story to pick up at least one repeat bonus, and after a long workday, sometimes a reader just needs to get some laughs in at an incognito god getting befuddled by modern life.

So let’s get right to things, then:

Chapter 5

"Do you want to learn how to mend a distortion in time?"

Luca stares at the man in white, then sighs. "I don't have the choice to refuse, do I?"

Of course not, you live in a Pokémon setting, Luca. :V

Instead of answering, however, Alfa closes his eyes. What? If that's the case, then he should just—

"Quiet, won't you?" says Eve, smiling with one finger pointed at Luca. "You are an adorable child, but I will spare no forgiveness if you dare to interrupt my dearest father."

Luca: “But I didn’t say any-” ._.;
Eve: “Silence!
:hissssss:


"Hush now," whispers Alfa. Eve flashes a smug smile, though Luca senses that the scolding was directed to the psy— Wait, they can't think of that now. Or can they? The psychic does nothing but stare at them.

Oh, so Eve picked up on Luca’s thoughts and was just quietly death glaring over it, huh?

As if that awkwardness was never there, Alfa opens his eyes again and answers, "It is true that it would be to my advantage if you accept, but the Azure Flute resonates with your heart. I cannot make you draw out my aura… my power with it if you have no desire to."

Luca: “Oh thank goodness, so then I can just turn around and leave, right-?”
:sweats:

Alfa: “I didn’t say anything about that.”
:whodarespostthis:


"Desire… huh?" murmurs Luca. A vague word, but it gives them an inkling of what Alfa expects from them: a connection.

Luca: “Don’t you have literally anyone else that you can trust to do this?” >_>;
Alfa: “... No, not really.”
:joltyshrug~1:


"Yes – if your desire is insufficient, all you will make is noises, just like at the Spear Pillar," says Alfa with a wince. "That truly was horrible."

Luca: “And you’re sure that you don’t have someone else who can-”
:eltyunamused:

Alfa:
:blobyes:


"Well, I'm sorry!" Luca pouts. "Anyway, I've seen that you're more than just an oddball. I will trust your instructions for now."

Luca: “Even if I have no clue how on earth ‘mending a distortion’ is supposed to work when I’m an artist by trade.” ._.;

How they wish they had not accepted that request. Or order, whichever it is. They wouldn't have if they’d known it would involve playing the Azure Flute in the middle of a park! Where people are looking!

dis-gon-b-gud-lawn-chair.gif


Time for Luca to die of cringe, or else cause a public panic. Or both.

Luca's hands tighten around the Azure Flute. Celia nuzzles against their legs, noticing her trainer's nervousness. Ah, yes. That is exactly what they are feeling now. Nervous. Worry. Some of the passersby hasten their steps, some of them slow down; both make Luca shift from one foot to the other, over and over.

Luca: “Alfa, do we really have to-?” >.<
Alfa: “This is where the distortion is, Child of Light. It’s not something that would be wise to put off.”

Even the Stunky in the trash can is taking its time to look. Oh, now it's digging through the garbage in a rush, its bushy tail swaying in the motion. Then it slows down. Then it's digging with vigor again. Wait, this isn't the time to observe a Stunky!

inb4 they wind up getting startled by Luca’s upcoming musical display and spray skunk juice everywhere.

They look up at the clock at the center of the park – they have been stealing glances at it as they fret. Sometimes the hands move too fast, sometimes too slow, and sometimes stop entirely. Is this what Alfa meant by a distortion in time? It looks indistinguishable from a broken clock.

Narrator: “It’s not just a broken clock.”

In any case, something should be done about it. Luca knows that much, but when they remember how they took the responsibility without fully knowing what it entails, they begin wishing they were a Shuckle.

Oh, why a Shuckle of all Pokémon? Like I feel this is meant to be an idiom of some sort, but the meaning of it is not fully apparent to me.

Alfa himself is sitting on a bench a few meters away. Eve has left; they said they can't keep lingering if they want to recover enough energy to return to the surface soon.

Wait, so then is this before the events of DPPt in this setting, or did Eve go straight back to bumming around in her cave after their events?

"Celia, what have I gotten myself into?" They let out a long sigh. The Cyndaquil tilts her head.

Celia: “*A wild and wonderful adventure-?*” ^^
Luca: “Oh for crying out loud, not you too, Celia.” >_>;

"Hello, there."

Luca turns around toward the voice. A woman is approaching. Dark-skinned and black hair, with white coat and black attire that complement her figure. A Salandit perches like a shawl over her bare shoulders. For a moment, it feels as if the world had slowed down to linger on her beauty. Seeing the woman fills Luca with the desire to paint her.

… Wait, is this Darkrai I’m looking at here? Since I get the distinct suspicion that this is supposed to be another incognito Legendary.

The woman laughs with a sharp smile. "Ah, hello? Your pink-headed friend spoke to me earlier."

Yup, she’s an incognito Legendary. Even if I’m having trouble IDing who.

"Ah, I see…." mumbles Luca. Celia growls and tugs on her trainer's coat, returning Luca to their senses. "Oh! You're from Jubilife TV! No, I mean, I-I'm sorry for bothering you."

The Salandit cackles. Celia squints at the black lizard, her first time seeing one in the flesh. It's the first time for Luca too, but right now the lizard is among the least of their concerns.

Salandit:
Sticker, smuglandit,

Luca: “(This lizard’s gonna make me wish we never met, isn’t it?)”
:grohno~1:


As she taps on the Salandit's long snout – it goes quiet at the gesture – the woman says, "No, no, I didn't mind that. I thought it was peculiar, though…. Oh, do you mind if I talk with you?"

Oh, so snoot boops get Salandit to simmer down reliably, huh?

Luca shakes their head vigorously. "Not at all! Not at all!"

"Thanks! By the way, my name is Ervilia – Ervi for short. What about yours?"

‘Ervilla’, huh? I get the feeling that this is one of those names that’s going to make a lot of sense in retrospect, but I’m still tripping up at the moment as to what it points to.

"I-It's Luca…." they answer. Celia isn't making any fire, but why do they feel their face going hot?

Because you’re crushing on her? Seems obvious enough to me. Even if I kinda wonder why Alfa isn’t bothering to look over and see what’s going on here.

"Luca, see, I'm something of a journalist. I travel from region to region to find interesting stories. And Tiana is a beloved idol, right? So there must be something interesting that can be gained from learning about her background."

… Wait, this is Zekrom post B1W1, isn’t it? Since dark color palette, wandering around? That would be pretty Zekrom given that both Taos wander the world a bit in the wake of that plot.

"A gossip journalist…." whispers Luca.

"Ah, that's not exactly right, but I suppose not entirely wrong either for this story," says Ervilia with a shrug. She looks toward Alfa, who is now dozing off in his seat with a flock of Starly gathering around him. "I never disclosed this to the press, but I found she was raised in an orphanage. Yet now we have someone claiming to be her father – maybe I didn't have the complete picture?"

I’m surprised that Legendaries are this accomplished at coming up with alibis that don’t fall apart under scrutiny. Guess that’s a sign that Tiana/Palkia has been day tripping into human society for a while.

Luca frowns. It's true that they are akin to father and daughter, but they can't just say that the two are Arceus and Palkia, can they? Imagine the chaos! Imagine the headache.

"Please forget what you heard. My companions are… eccentric, to say the least."

Would recommend splitting this paragraph in two between the description and the dialogue.

Ervilia laughs – her laughter would be a pleasing color if put on paper. "Are they? In my line of work I often find the eccentric right, though. By the way, what are you doing with that thing in your hand?"

"Oh, this is a flute… kind of," answers Luca. They look down at the instrument, feeling its weight in their hands. The odd shape and the size reminds them of a heart. "I'm supposed to play it, but it's just… so embarrassing…."

They can remember it clearly, the time when they botched a performance at a Gym. It will be loud. It will be bad. People will see. People will see. And the disappointment—

Ditto here. Though I’m a little [fearfullaugh] at where this is going to go if those Stunky are just chilling nearby waiting to get startled by a flute “””performance””” that they’d likely consider ear rape-tier.

They pull their beret down. If nothing else, they don't want to see.

Ervilia, meanwhile, hums and asks, "But you still want to play it?"

"Huh?"

Luca: “I didn’t say anything about-” ._.;

"I mean, you didn't refuse. Or is that it? You couldn't refuse?"

Boy, this reporter is good at sussing out details. Though I have to wonder how much of that was mere intuition and how much of that was cheating through a method like telepathy.

Luca shrinks a little. They couldn't, especially a request as small as playing a flute. Putting aside their lack of understanding in how this is going to help patch the distortion, it's far from the most outrageous thing they've been asked to do in their life. And yet, like a bone stuck in their throat, they can't bring themself to play it.

Watch as something rolls along to give Luca the motivation.

"Well, he only asked me to play this here," says Luca, glancing at Alfa. "It's apparently something important for him and… for everything."

"I see," says Ervilia with a smile. "Then he must be someone important to you too if you're still trying to do this. Is that it?"

Luca: “...”
:uhhh:

Erviia: “That’s a ‘yes’, isn’t it?”
:smugcat:


Luca's expression stiffens. "No, it's nothing like that at all. I mean, we've only met recently."

Ervilia:
:absus:

Luca: “He is, okay?!”
:grohno~1:


"Oh? Then what is he to you?"

Luca casts their gaze toward the man in white, who still sleeps sitting on the bench. The oddly-shaped flute – his flute – fits in their hands. He lent them and Celia power, and even after they fumbled, after they let their mouth run off, he still….

"He's an oddball," answers Luca. "Everything about this is weird and I'm still trying to make sense of my place in it, including what he wants from me… but he's the oddball who believes in me and I want to try returning that sentiment."

Clever save there, Luca.

Thinking about it now, he reminds them a bit of when Professor Linden found them.

They blow the flute. There is no sound to speak of, nothing that can be heard by human ears, but something stirs. That something guides their fingers along the instrument. That something guides them along the openings of the heart.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Alfa is awake now, watching and not quite human. A transparent song envelopes the world, and it carries light and glory under His merciful gaze—

Another paragraph that I would recommend chopping up here.

Alfa still looks human. People and Pokémon pass by the park without care. Rumbles of vehicles can be heard in the distance. Ervilia is still there as she was before Luca played the flute. The world wasn't bathed in heavenly light, and if it was, nobody but Luca seemed to notice. Alfa is now standing before them, and he nods his approval.

"I don't know what just occurred, but it seems you did it?" asks Ervilia. The Salandit has climbed up to her head, staring at Luca with discerning eyes.

Luca: “... Wait, how much of that did you see, again?” ._.
Ervilia: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about. Would you care to get a bit more specific?” ^^

They blink. Whatever that was, the ground is still under their feet this time. It's done; when this fact sinks in, Luca's legs finally give in to the fatigue. "…Yeah. Thank you, Miss Ervi…."

With those words said, they finally run out of battery and collapse. Alfa takes a step forward, right on time, catching them before they can fall to the ground. "This is the second time…." says Alfa while lifting his companion; their hands are still clutching tight on the Azure Flute. Celia climbs up to his shoulder in the meantime.

Oh, so Luca’s flute performance bombed again, just in a different way.

"Interesting kid." Ervilia grins. "And you seem like an interesting man too."

"Do I?"

Alfa: “Why do you seem familiar right now?”
:heliodoubt:


"Yup. It was all timed too well for you to be just sleeping," says Ervilia. When Alfa gives her a quiet look, she only shrugs. "I like to think I can be a journalist by being observant. Anyway, I'll be traveling around this region for a little while. I hope I'll see you two again." She gives the man a jovial slap on the back and waves a goodbye. As he watches her back, for the first time he notices the teardrop-shaped golden prism on her coat.

Oh, it’s Necrozma there. I suppose that would also explain the Salandit.

"Well then," he says to Celia, "I suppose it is time for us to seek respite." The Cyndaquil coos her approval, while her trainer is none the wiser about the selection of place for sleep.

So wait, does Alfa have a psychic field that basically induces a:

094.gif


effect on passersby, or can they just see him lugging an asleep Luca along with him in public? :V

So this is going to become a plot with all the Legendaries in it, huh? Since it sure is shaping up in that direction at this rate given that I’m pretty sure that Necrozma just pulled a hi-bye on Alfa there. Some tantalizing hints at what the future of this story might hold, even if we’re still in the process of scratching the surface about how everything all fits together. The imagery surrounding Luca’s use of the Azure Flute was neat. I didn’t fully grasp what was going on there, but I’m assuming that’s deliberate since Luca themself doesn’t fully know what they’ve gotten into, so I’ll give it a pass, and it did still feel like the plot made its way forward a bit in terms of progress.

I don’t have too many things to complain about this chapter. Maybe there could’ve been a bit more description in a couple places? But what was there was still serviceable, even if there were a couple paragraphs that seemed a little chunky for my taste. I kinda would’ve liked to see Alfa play more of a role in the leadup to Luca talking with Ervilia and playing the Azure Flute, though I suppose I can’t say with a straight face that it’s out of character for him since he’s had a well-established aloof streak by this point.

Good work, @silurica . I’ll be looking forward to coming back to this story at least once more before Review Blitz is over if I can help it. Since it feels like I’m just entering the part of the story where things are starting to pick up, even if Luca’s probably going to need a while to grasp just how far into the deep end they’ve gotten after this. ^^;
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
  6. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, had my plate filled with a fairly chunky review in one go tonight, so decided to throw in some shorter fare as a complement. Luceat Lux Vestra was on the table, and eh. Why not? I’m in a “Luca and Alfa” mood tonight:

Chapter 6

"Child of Light?"

"What?"

Luca: “Wha…? Alfa? Where am I right now?” .-.

"You have been quiet since we departed, and soon we will reach our first stop. I must say, this is uncanny."

Luca stops at their track and begins muttering, "You want to know why I'm in this mood? Do you really want to know why?"

Wait, where are these two right now anyways? Since wasn’t Luca passed out at the end of Chapter 5?

"Hmm, I sense a disturbance in the balance," remarks Alfa with a deadpan face.

[ ]


"I mean…! Eve is so much to handle but they're absolutely a beauty when I think of them with their voice on mute, but they can't come up to the surface now! Even though I traveled in that direction to go to Lake Verity and draw them!"

IMO, it probably makes sense to drop in some description here to emphasize that Luca’s reacting before speaking up, since I had to do a double-take to make sure that this was Luca and not Alfa speaking up until the mention of drawing.

"I'm glad you think of my child as beautiful, but Mesprit's voice is part of their charm."

Luca: “‘Charm’? Really?” :|
Alfa: “Yes? What else did you expect me to say of my child?”
:whodarespostthis:


"And then Miss Ervi! Miss Ervi! I wanted to draw her so bad! Right there and then! But I just had to faint from exhaustion and missed my chance to ask her to model! I didn't even get to ask for her contact info!"

Yeah, this is why IMO it’d make sense to be a bit clearer as to scene-setting about when and where these two are right now, since both questions are pretty big question marks right now.

"How about painting my good self?" interjects Alfa, but the suggestion is met with a look of disbelief.

Luca: “Seriously, Alfa?”
:eltywtf:

Alfa: “It’s a valid suggestion, is it not?”
:gardeshrug~1:


The rants go on for a while, until they smell a fragrant scent carried by the wind. More flowers of many shapes and colors come into view, and eventually they can see a wooden gate arching over the road. They have arrived at Floaroma Town, vivid and scented.

Yeah, see the above note about scene-setting. Since I had no idea these two were already this far out of Jubilife.

"It's as pretty as its reputation," says Luca, watching their surroundings.

Here, almost every house and building has a flower bed of varying sizes. It reminds them of home, just a little. Their hometown is known for its flowers, among other things, but it pales in comparison to this. They pull on their beret a little, before stopping and moving their hand as if they were adjusting it.

Would suggest chopping this paragraph up such that Luca’s dialogue is independent of the description.

"I see the people of this town hold their wisdom true," Alfa muses. "It's truly comforting to see there is still something familiar in the everchanging passage of time."

That actually makes me wonder when this is set relative to PLA, or if PLA’s events never happened in LLV’s continuity, since the way Alfa speaks of Floarama makes it sound like it (or else the practice of maintaining the flower fields) is downright ancient here.

Nostalgia, huh? That does sound like a comforting idea. Luca starts seeing themself drawing the flowers too – the many colors and the Pokémon flitting about between them. Maybe the third time will be the charm.

Narrator: “It will absolutely not be the charm.”

"We should go find an inn then. I don't want to spend the night at a Pokémon Center again," says Luca.

It might have made sense for Luca to highlight a specific thing he has against Pokécenter accommodations, since admittedly I’m not sure why he has such a hangup about it here. Like are the rooms small? Do the beds suck? Consider giving a bit more concrete ‘this is why I don’t want this’-ness for the readers to latch onto.

"You can go without me," replies Alfa – a Combee has landed on his hand. "I will find a place at Floaroma Meadow."

"You want to sleep outside?"

"A crude but correct assumption. Yes, I prefer the outdoors."

Luca: “... Aren’t we at least going to buy a tent first?” ._.;
Alfa: “Never needed one in the past, so…”
:joltyshrug~1:


"Sometimes I wonder how you keep yourself sparkling clean all the time."

"'Tis because I am a god."

"Figures."

Oh, so Alfa can just poof away mud and dirt that gets onto him, huh?

After separating from Alfa, Luca stops by the local Pokémon Center to have Celia and Chopin checked up. While waiting for their turn they realize, it has been a while since the last time they were by themself. Things have been so hectic, they had no chance to pause and breathe. This is a good opportunity to use their alone time for art; just them and their brushes, with no oddball watching over their shoulder.

This feels like enough of a jump in time and place that you should strongly consider adding a hard scene break here or else a couple extra sentences of transitional movement since there’s not a lot of transition between “outside Floarama town to Pokémon Center” at the moment.

Finding an inn turns out to be a simple matter, and they finish making their reservation in no time. As they contemplate which corner of the town to paint, they spot a brown-skinned girl with wavy hair – lush as leaves – just outside the inn. Pink flowers decorate her hair, and the same sort of flowers fill the basket she carries.

Ohai, Shaymin. Or at least, I’m pretty sure you’re Shaymin.

The girl, too, notices Luca and begins approaching with a smile. "Would you care for some of Floaroma Town's specialties?"

"Gracidea flowers, huh? They're really pretty," says Luca, crouching down to get a closer look at the flowers. It would be cute to give some to Celia and Chopin since those two have been their partners, but….

"Sorry, I'm a traveling trainer. I don't have the space for keeping flowers fresh."

Yeah, she’s Shaymin.

"Oh my, we have a knowledgeable visitor today," says the flower girl. Noticing the confused look on Luca's face, she adds, "Well, you can tell it's Gracidea."

"Isn't this common knowledge?" asks Luca, still puzzled. "When we talk about Floaroma then it's gotta be the story of how Shaymin made the land fertile and the flowers bloom, right?"

Flower Girl: “Really? Since there’s been a lot of chatter about the wind farm as of late-”
:joltyshrug~1:

Luca: “Trust me, people know about the Shaymin story, okay?” >_>;

"I see more visitors only care about whether the flowers would make a trendy photo background. Not that we can do much about that, and it brings business to the town," she answers with a shrug.

"And I believe the folktale only said that a Pokémon did it, not what the Pokémon was."

Oh. Oh. Luca wishes they knew Minimize. "S-Sorry, I got ahead of myself. Was I wrong?"

Narrator: “Luca was not wrong.”

The flower girl twirls her long hair around her finger and asks back, "Do you believe Shaymin still exist?"

Because this flower girl is really, really obviously Shaymin, just saying.

Do they? If they were asked the same question last month, they would have answered: no, not in particular. Mythology is interesting, but it is often no more than a fantastical reflection of the era and place it originated in. At least, that is what they believed before, but now they are in the middle of learning again from scratch.

And after getting hard confirmation that Arceus isn’t just a fairy tale but flat-out exists… yeah, kinda hard to reflexively disbelieve any myths that Alfa doesn’t openly shoot down.

"I guess I won't be surprised if they exist," answers Luca. "Things long gone or thought to never exist sometimes show up in some rarely visited corner. Weird world that we live in, right?"

Understatement of the millennium there.

"Hmm. In my family it's practically a fact that a Shaymin was responsible for rejuvenating this town," says the flower girl while fixing the Gracidea on her hair. "It's a lil' surprising to hear someone else speak about it with the same certainty."

Yeah no kidding, especially since I’m pretty sure that Luca’s met multiple members of your family within the past week.

She twirls her hair around her finger again, and at last decides, "So you're not buying, right? Maybe I'll go home for today…. Well, then. Enjoy Floaroma, traveler."

"Wait, can I come with you?" asks Luca. While the flower girl is still caught in surprise, uttering no response, they realize how odd that sounded and quickly add, "Ah, I'm actually a folklore student. This isn't something weird! Not at all! I just want to hear more about Shaymin and your family's Floaroma story."

Wow, maybe Luca actually will get to paint a Pokémon and a landscape for once.

[ ]

"Suspicious…."

[ ]


"U-Uh, I guess it sounds suspicious and weird. Wait. I mean, no! I swear I didn't mean to be weird!"

IMO, this sequence could use a bit of description from both Totally!Shaymin reacting to Luca’s response, and Luca’s reaction in return after seeing Totally!Shaymin’s
:EzeraSus:
reaction.

Her fingers play with her hair again. After a moment, she shrugs. "Well, I guess that's fine. You seem like an alright sort."

"Thank you!" Luca's face brightens; they have stumbled into something just as good – if not better than – a painting subject. If this bore fruits, perhaps it would make Professor Linden glad too.

Can’t tell if Luca realizes that Flower Girl is Shaymin or if they’re thinking about the idea of learning this folklore here.

As they walk, Luca conducts an interview to learn more about the flower girl. Her name is Sheila, and she lives alone by Floaroma Meadow. Her family is a nomadic society, but wherever Gracidea can bloom, they will entrust one of theirs to watch over the place, and right now it's her turn to stay at Floaroma. Here she fulfills her duty, until the day she can join her people again.

She. 👏 Is. 👏 Totally. 👏 Shaymin.

Floaroma Meadow lies beyond the forest at the outskirts of the town. After walking under the shades of the trees, the path opens to a vast glade where flowers bloom as far as one can see. It makes the town look like a small garden in comparison.

"Child of Light?"

Luca: “Alfa?! Where on earth have you been all this time?!” O_O;

Luca shudders. There is only one person who would call Luca that, and sure enough, they can spot Alfa walking toward their direction. He has a Wurmple on his shoulder and a Budew stumbling by his feet – his pace slower as to match the little bug's smaller steps.

Those two have no idea who on earth they’re hanging around, huh? ^^

"I thought you're looking for a place to sleep," says Luca when Alfa is finally within speaking distance.

"I already found one with help from these little ones." He gestures at the pair he came with. "And I reckoned you might come in this direction to paint the scenery."

Luca: “Alfa, are you seriously expecting me to sleep under the stars-” >.<
Alfa: “Technically it’s more ‘under tree branches’. I figured you’d appreciate it.”
:gardeshrug~1:


What? So he paid attention to them, enough to make a guess like that. Luca can't help smiling a little hearing it.

"And what would you do if I decided to draw the people in the town instead?"

Alfa gives no answer and only stares – did he even think that far? The awkward silence is only broken when he notices the flower girl hiding behind Luca.

"Hello," he greets. "Are you the current guardian of this meadow?"

Alfa totally did not think that far in advance.

"I am…." murmurs Sheila – her voice has become so small.

It's faint, but Alfa smiles in response. "You have my gratitude for keeping this meadow beautiful."

Yeah, Shelia is Shaymin. You cannot convince me otherwise at this point.

Hearing those words, a gasp escapes from Sheila's lips and her hands move to cover it. One. Two. Three. More and more Gracidea flowers sprout and bloom from her hair. Upon noticing the profusion of flowers, she makes her escape as fast as the wind.

"Is she okay?" asks Alfa.

"She is definitely not," replies Luca.

Luca: “Dammit Alfa, I was in the middle of something there!” >.<
Alfa: “Well, now it’s cleared up and you can rest up, Child of Light. See, I am looking out for you.” ^^

And that’s a wrap, time to gather my thoughts and get into that postmortem:

It was a short chapter, but I gather that the main point of it was to get Luca out into the world and see some more of Alfa’s “family” along with showing some character development as slowly, but surely, he’s getting a bit more conscientious of Luca and their desires. It was fun to see Luca start to warm up a little bit to their whole task of going around with Alfa, even if they’ve still got a ways to go based off the way they cringed again from the ‘Child of Light’ address.

I do feel that there should have been a bit more emphasis as to why Alfa and Luca were headed up towards Floaroma Town. For instance, is it en route to the next distortion? If so, it probably makes sense to have Alfa say that, and more than once. I also thought in general that things were a little too barebones for description, to the point where I was out of the loop at the start of what was going on from the lack of scene setting and there were a couple moments didn’t have the same impact as they would’ve had there been more explicit body language or the like mentioned.

I thought that altogether it was a nice, if bite-sized chapter, even if I would’ve liked a bit more explicit tie-in with the overarching plot. Though I suppose that is something that would come up soon enough in chapters after this point, even if it might take me a while to get to them since I had a pretty full plate for the rest of Review Blitz. ^^;

Good work and hope the feedback helped, @silurica . Since I’ll be looking forward to seeing where the plot goes from here in future reads.
 

Cresselia92

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her/Hers
Partners
  1. ho-oh
  2. sneasel-nyula
  3. rayquaza-cress
  4. celebi-shiny
Howdy, Sil! I've been meaning to delve into your fanfic for quite some time, and what's better time to spread some love than through the love-spreading event? ;3 Legendary shenanigans have always fascinated me, so let's see what you've got in store in your story.

I'm gonna start with some reactions in a stream-of-consciousness format, before moving into a general commentary and final thoughts of the chapters.

With this said, onward we go with the story~

The Reaction Compilations

  • Ooh! Using a Fire-type to dry the paint is so clever! Nobody wants to smudge their fresh painting, after all.
  • Non-binary character, huh? I kinda thought that the "they" was referring to both characters for a hot second. Gotta keep this in mind since singular them trips me up every time...
  • It seems that Luca has played Celeste.
  • ...No, wait. Luca is a hacker who hacked the Azure Flute in their inventory. How would they have it, otherwise? :v
  • In all seriousness, I wonder how they got the flute...
  • That's right. Myths are nothing more than stories, so there is no way that playing a flute will make a glass staircase appear and summon a god from some kind of heaven. Implausible.

    This is oddly specific.
  • So the painter stands up and blows air into the flute—

    "Dear me, please pipe down, you are terrible."

    A voice. Who? Where? Oh! There is a movement from behind the altar! The painter pushes up their glasses, hoping to focus better on the figure on the other side of the historical site.

    It's a man. A man with long hair and a strikingly white appearance. White skin, white hair, white suit, white shoes…. The only different colors are his dark gray waistcoat, the golden details of his suit and heeled boots, and his bright red eyes.

    "Who… are you?" the painter blurts out without thinking. "...And why did you say I was terrible? I've only played a few notes!"

    "Quiet, will you? I know how that flute is supposed to sound in the right hand." The man sits himself on the altar.

    Luca's POV while playing the song:
    The man's POV while listening to the song:
  • "You don't recognize me, ignorant human? I am Arceus, the creator deity of this world."

    Sorry, but aren't you supposed to be a llama stuck in a fence? :sus:

  • "Such a shame, after I have taken a form easier for your kind to relate with."

    In all fairness, you could very well be a Ditto or a disguised Zoroark for all I care, so it's not like using a human disguise helps your case. :v

  • "Give me… give me a moment to think," says the painter as they pick up the flute from the floor. "Look, let me put it this way. For all I know, you could be bluffing, tricking a poor student like me. Why should I trust you? Where is your proof that you're god?"

    Case in point.

  • Congratulations! Luca caught Arceus!
  • Aaand of course the ball acts up. But the thought of it potentially recognizing Arceus would have been an amusing or terrifying prospect, depending on how you see it, since it would have implied catching a deity at least once.
  • Flurry of thoughts! Such a relatable mind.
  • You could have just asked rather than bribing Luca into following you, Arceus...
  • Why did you scatter your power, anyway, Arceus? What's the logic behind that? :unsure:
  • "What? Why me?" they protest. This is too sudden!

    "Why? Because you are here," he answers calmly.

    Foolproof reasoning.

  • And now Luca is carried by god, bride-style.
  • Getting Lois and Superman vibes at the end. Dunno why.

  • "I'm just… impressed. Yes, I'm impressed that humans did not destroy the world while I was asleep." He says while caressing the vent. "The opposite, in fact."

    Well, gee! I sure hope you won't expect mortals to have faith in you, Arceus, because you sure aren't showing the same courtesy.

  • "Ah, no. I have to restock my supplies and there is someone I need to meet. Well, I'll explain about that later. You'll see. I'm definitely not abandoning you here."

    Arceus:
    press-x-to-doubt-la-noir-original-meme-template-1068x530.jpg


  • Okay, the description of the museum is really cool.
  • Ah, yes. Guess what, Arceus? We uncovered the secret of bringing bones back to life. Cool, huh?
  • ...Well, it doesn't look like Arceus appreciated that... Though, does that imply that he is fine with generations of a species going extinct? I guess this might be the case, which would make sense. No life form would get priority or favoritism, I wager, and they all would get their fair amount of time and space in the world.
  • Wanna bet that those ethical folks watched Jurassic Park?
  • Okay, what's the relationship between the professor and Luca, I wonder? They seem extremely close, if the professor lent a prized artifact.
  • Finally! A more concrete proof to see if Arceus is a Ditto in disguise or the real deal!
  • Something tells me you can't farm Plates like in the DPPt games and they all are one of a kind...

  • Time to set a mine ablaze!
  • Huh... I kinda expected something more grandiose when Arceus absorbed the Plate. I guess he isn't really a show-off.
  • "Sorry, sorry. In this day and age, there are no Pokémon capable of both human disguise and speech like you, so I couldn't help it, see?"

    Zoroark in Unova: "I shall end this professor's career!"

    image.php

  • "God has chosen you." He says with a sparkle in his eyes. "Surely you weren't thinking of handing him to me when you contacted me?"

    Pfft! Nooo! Of course Luca wasn't about to do that! What gave you this idea, professor?

  • Well, it sure is reassuring that Luca isn't worried about Arceus and is partying a bit inside. I mean, it's not like they would need to worry because we're talking about Arceus, but still.
  • That's true; they don't want their source of information to end up in peril. Although they wonder, what is the worst that can happen to a god? Waking up a cranky Rock-type and getting chased around?

    ...Can we actually wait for this eventuality to unfold? It sounds like such a glorious sight to behold. I'll bring some popcorn.

  • A shriek resounds in the tunnels, followed by a rain of rocks. Luca and Celia run, while an Onix roars behind. The giant rock serpent darts after them, crushing anything in its path.

    "This is the worst! I hate, hate, hate fighting Rock-types!"

    I bet Celia shares your thoughts...

  • Blood! How dare you betray me and the Everyone rating like this?! loud hissing and table throwing ...Nah, just kidding! But still, whoa! That Onix is really angry.
  • Okay, yes, Luca is dead. End of the fanfic, everyone.
  • Wow. How thoughtful of Onix to stop mid-action to let Luca and Arceus have a little chitchat. :p Still, though, makes me wonder if it can instinctively feel that Arceus is someone to not be messed with...
  • No, I agree with Luca. Why is that Onix furious? Perhaps she is defending her nest or offspring?
  • "Just need to…." Luca mumbles. Memories flash in their mind: the smallest of the herd; more successful peers; a poor performance; an empty badge case. Their hold on Celia tightens as they mutter, "Are you… are you mocking us?"

    Okay, this is intriguing! Does that mean that Luca is a "failed" Pokémon Trainer? Someone who probably didn't have what it takes to be a Champion or something along those lines?

    Though, that also brings another question to mind. If Luca and Cyndaquil are both inexperienced, then how did they climb Mt. Coronet? I recall that there was something about the mountain being so dangerous that even experienced Trainers need to be careful about. So, how did Luca reach the top without an issue?

  • So, a Cyndaquil beat an Onix... I'm getting some vague Victini vibes (in the sense that it gave energy to Ash's Tepig to one-shot a Samurott with an Ember). Also, isn't that cheating? Sure, their lives were in peril, but still.
  • Aww, Luca is smiling! Cute! :3
  • Ah, so Luca has more Pokémon. I wonder what they have...
  • This is too sudden.

    Mate. With all those "sudden" moments, you should know by now that Sudden is Arceus' second name. :p

  • "Then… Alfa?" they mumble.

    And it was at this moment, that a character became the famous character he is today.

  • An unfamiliar region and a new traveling companion. Luca never expected their journey to be a dull one when they left their home, but they would never have dreamed of this turn of events. As much as they loathe to think of the possible troubles ahead, at least it will not be boring.

    Sounds like potential fun! :3

Final Thoughts

Well! I'm someone who doesn't feel satisfied unless she reads 4k words worth of content, so I ended up checking out three chapters of yours, haha. Which is fine, because doing so helped me get a clearer idea of the plot as a whole.

So! This has been an enjoyable read! The prose is simple, which makes it easy to digest and get through. Also, the bite-sized chapters are good for folks with a short attention span, and that's a major plus.

Though, with brevity comes a little price to pay: there isn't much room to describe the surroundings and show the world to the reader. Sure, from the look of it, this story seems to be more character-driven than anything, and the world might take a step back compared to everything. And yet, even in that case, I feel this story would benefit a lot from being more painted and played into the reader's mind.

Mind you, this didn't detract from my enjoyment at all, but I'd say that lampshading the various scenes and sights could be beneficial. After all, we have two characters who don't know much about Sinnoh for different reasons, with Luca not being much knowledgeable and Arceus/Alfa having lost touch with the world for who knows how long. As such, since they are exploring the unknown, they would surely focus and be drawn by all the oddities they can find.

I personally feel it would allow us to better relate with the characters and let us feel and see what they’re experiencing. At least, these are my two cents on the matter.

Now, onto the characters themselves. Out of the ones introduced so far, Alfa clearly stole the show. With his defined personality as the deity of the world and the whole "fish-out-of-the-water" perspective, it's interesting to see him being intrigued by what his creations have accomplished while he was asleep. He's a really compelling character and the MVP of this fanfic, imho.

The other characters, though, are a bit blanker. For being one of the main characters, I kinda feel like Luca is a bit... vanilla as a character. There is some foreshadowing with their uncertainties and the foreshadowing of their past, but until Chapter 3 there isn't much of a selling trait for Luca, at least when compared with Alfa. Right now, they feel a lot like the sidekick with Celia being the sidekick of the sidekick. (Which may or may not be intentional and a way to make Alfa stand out, and that’s fine. Just wanted to give my first impression and reading of their character as is.)

But hey! There are still around 15 chapters, so I wanna be optimistic and believe that they got some nice character development and their backstory expanded further in future chapters! ^^

All in all, this is a sweet and easy to read story with a compelling plot, and I'm definitely looking forward to continue reading this when I'll get the chance in the future. :D

If you have some queries about my review, feel free to reach out to me and I can elaborate further.

This was a fun R&R session. See ya around, and best of luck with your future writing endeavors!
 

lichhen

gay
Pronouns
he/they/ze
Partners
  1. metapod-shiny
hollaaaaaa

first of all, i appreciate the tone of this narrative :o i love "the painter". im very attached to nonbinary Luca. i love that the character design seems to be in the middle of a scale between Lucas and Dawn. i have a character i drew when swsh came out that was a similar mesh of the player characters for a nonbinary oc. maybe the two could be friends :c) Regarding Luceat Lux Vestra's narrative, the present tense feels well written. the description is fun and vivid.

They squint. Celia the Cyndaquil squints too – her face wrinkles with the effort.

eeee there are lots of cute details like this that help visualize the characters.

"Dear me, please pipe down, you are terrible."

SNICKERS

"Such a shame, after I have taken a form easier for your kind to relate with."

lollll Arceus is so bad at being human. They couldn't resist showing more of his true self. i really like the explanation for reaching the peak being what qualifies someone to "capably serve" arceus. i get the sense that there is a lot to discover & am wondering what a child of light could be. I find it interesting that Luca's reaction to being called that is "please don't call me that."

ooooh i love where the first chapter ends. Arceus's "leave the transportation to me," and just scooping Luca up. I love how Arceus narrates his observations of Luca - that Luca is considerate, that they are light. Especially when he called Luca an ignorant human just a moment ago hehe.

They realized: if they let go of him now, something bad may happen. And they have many questions for their mentor now; about the world, about history, about the beings once called gods.


I loved the slamming prose through the whole end of it, but this part was soooo interesting to me. thanks for posting. im looking forward to reading the next part.
 
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