Hello hello!
@BlackHairedPsycho, you are officially my first target for Review Blitz 5. I’ve seen
Legends Legacy mentioned in passing and praised by numerous people in the PMD fandom, and that in turn compelled me to shortlist this fic as one to read and review for this round of Review Blitz.
So let’s dive in! I’m eager to see what this fic has in store for me.
Chapter 1
Oh boy, the troubles of real estate. Yep - liars and scam artists abound in this industry, determined to trick folks into buying a mould-ridden wreck through the scent of freshly-baked bread and rose-scented perfume. And the PMD-verse real estate industry probably has their own batch of tricks beyond just these.
the houses they were being shown didn’t would’ve been impossible to defend.
A slight typo here, I think.
Twenty-six lies? This Persian’s clearly a natural at their job. Good thing our protags aren’t moved, with Rio being a walking lie detector and Pana being menacing in her own right.
First question that strikes me with our group of protags - why call themselves Team Disaster? Somehow I get the feeling potential clients would be scared away by that name choice. Though imagine the headlines that would result in the event of them doing something heroic (a likelihood at some point in this fic, probably): ‘Crisis Averted by Team Disaster!’ Disaster preventing Disaster - it sounds almost poetic.
One thing that sticks out to me is the nice little details about Rio, Pana and Scales that make them different from their species’ counterpart. Good job on this - makes them feel more individual.
Bandits in this world? Small wonder - if real estate’s as crap as we’ve seen, some folks would turn to banditry, no doubt.
Wow, they cleared those bandits out pretty quickly. A tightly-knit team, this lot are. And already they seem to be the kind of folks to root for. Good first impressions already - I’m looking forward to seeing what antics Team Disaster get up to.
Chapter 2
On with the show…
Maybe the fact that they grew up so isolated, so far from other Pokemon, helped them keep a strong sense of wonder.
I wonder if we’ll delve deeper into this at some point in the future. Maybe it’ll affect future character arcs, i.e. Rio, Pana and Scales not knowing certain manners of etiquette due to their isolated upbringing and thus landing in trouble with the folk of Wonder City?
(Speaking of Wonder City, there’s obviously no flowers that make all manner of wacky shit happen, nor talking flowers that make passing comments, given that this fic predated that game by a good few years.
)
[They were the only guild in the area, and training wasn’t necessary to register.]
Pretty lenient, huh? Good to see this Guild is within the reach of even the most common trainee ‘mon.
The Bidoof stared at the bundle the excessively fluffy Riolu and Hakamo-o brought in. They were the bandits he was about to report. The bandits that stole from him. The bandits that took his treasure. The bandits he had no chance against. The bandits he was about to tip the guild off to, dragged in by one unevolved and one mid-evolution Pokemon no older than he was.
I sense a friendship being made in the not too distant future~ (That, and the title card and summary gives away the presence of Blue joining our heroes.)
Blue knew he had to be a hybrid, there was no other explanation! A normal Riolu was not that fluffy.
Ooh, a hybrid!
I wonder what the other half of Rio is? And does this mean we might meet Rio’s parents at some point in the future?
Damn, those bandits were four-stars, and yet they were taken out so easily by bronze rankers? That didn’t feel like a fluke either from Team Disaster. Must be a shoddy classification system.
Blue wasn’t very stealthy, nor did he have the dexterity to break in without it being obvious that he gnawed his way inside. The price of being quadrupedal.
That’s why most PMD protags are bipedal, so writers don’t have to write around such contingencies. :P
Rio the Riolu and Scales the Hakamo-o. What kind of parent names their kid after their species and most obvious traits like that?
Hey, at least they’re accurate name choices, and not named after a colour Bidoof don’t even have. (Maybe his eyes are what gave Blue his name? Or Blue, like the colour of water?)
The only thing in the narrow trunk of the tree was an old, rickety ladder.
Betting 500P that the ladder’s gonna break at some point.
Ugh, the basement sounds like an absolute pigsty. It’s gonna take a while to clean that out, I can tell. Can’t say I envy Blue or Team Disaster for having the prospect of cleaning all that up. Maybe they should hire a Garbodor or someone that would love this kind of stench.
Chapter 3
Noticing so far that the chapters seem to be fairly short. A good thing in some respects - helps break this fic up into smaller chunks. Is that just for the first few chapters, though? I guess I’ll find out for myself.
Wow, that’s a lotta food. They surely didn’t spend the whole bounty reward on food, did they?
Ah, I see where this fic lies on the feral meat debate that PMD fics lie upon.
"I think the bandits didn't care much for cleaning," Rio answered.
When do they? Now I almost want to see a PMD fic depict bandits fastidious about cleanliness. Noting that idea down for my plot bunnies document…
I’ve noticed the Masters have been mentioned a few times now. Who are they, and when will we see them?
"How much did those squatters fetch for?" Pana asked, taking a bite.
"Twenty-thousand."
"Seriously? And how much did the food cost you?"
"I'll let Scales tell you about that."
Leaving your teammate out to dry, Rio? That’s not very cash money of you.
"With an Aura projecting that much curiosity it would've been hard not to."
"Are you reading it right now?"
"I can't really turn it off."
That’s gotta be awkward, having to contend with knowing every emotion of every passerby, especially those that might be uncomfortable with it like Blue here. While it’s definitely useful, as proven already with the Persian realtor, that can’t be good in every instance, surely?
"YOU SPENT TEN THOUSAND ON FOOD?"
Aaaaaand there comes the reaction. Guess monetary duties and finances in Team Disaster are probably being handed off to Pana from now on.
"AND WHY DIDN'T RIO STOP YOU?"
It was then that Rio realized something. He was just as responsible for spending that much money, and she would verbally rip him a new one.
Yeah, I did wonder about that, about which one of them was the more responsible for buying all that food. In that case, that really is not very cash money of Rio to not stand up for his teammate.
"Ten thousand?" Rio turned back to Blue, wide-eyed at their incompetent money managing. "Seriously?"
"There's a reason our name's Team Disaster," he answered.
Ah, disastrous in the ‘financially disastrous’ sense of the word. I gotcha. Though I reckon there’s probably more to it than that.
A glowing stone…yet Blue can’t see the glow? Interesting…this item totally won’t be a major player in the story going forward.
Chapter 4
"It was far away from home, mostly," Scales answered, already grabbing another skewer. Arceus Almighty, he could eat!
I see we have a Big Eater on our hands. Good - I like those kinds of characters a lot.
The ‘far away from home’ part makes me wonder, though - did they want to get away from home for the thrill of it? Or is the reason something deeper? Has it to do with the Masters we’ve heard about?
"Dungeons," Rio chimed in, eating at a slower rate. "A lot have popped up around here, right?"
Mystery Dungeon appearances - a prime opportunity for money-making. Or an omen of something that could bring about the end of days. Maybe both.
"This has happened before," Blue eagerly started. "Usually before some kind of horrific disaster."
"Like that Stone Plague?" Pana asked.
"Exactly."
"Wasn't that a century ago?" Scales asked, grabbing a third skewer.
So this gives us a good timeframe for when exactly this fic takes place - a hundred years after Super. And now I’m curious about whether this’ll impact anything technology-wise. Is it going to still be rustic, or will there be signs of the sorts of technology used in Super dotted throughout this world? So far it’s indicated the former, but I am curious as to whether this might change as the fic progresses.
(That is, if the Stone Plague is indeed referring to the events that happened in Super and isn’t some other event.)
"Don't humans usually come and fix those?" Pana asked, handing him another skewer. He took it and continued.
"I've never taken stock in those parts of the stories myself, but if a law of the universe can break then I guess anything's possible."
There don’t appear to be any humans among the cast we’ve seen thus far. Curious as to whether this will change as the fic goes on and we meet more characters.
"You think we just popped out of the womb, instantly kicking ass?"
"Pretty sure I was hatched," Scales jumped in.
So not all ‘mons hatch through Eggs in this setting? Fascinating - even if this is probably just a one-off moment.
Ah, an old archetype with Blue - he of little faith in his own abilities, trusting them less than others. But he probably has some interesting combat potential to be shown off further down the road, I bet. And who knows? His potential may well shine through sooner than expected.
Chapter 5
Blue woke up excited, terrified, and with a slight stomach ache. He ate too many berries and sticks last night.
I’ll say. Eating enough food for a week in a night would give anyone a stomachache. Well, unless they’re a Snorlax.
Somehow I’m not surprised in the least that Team Disaster are late risers. Hmm, I wonder if that might’ve played into why they separated from the Masters. Rising at the crack of dawn evidently doesn’t appeal to everyone.
"I take shit from them constantly, so any payback is good payback."
So they’re a team of banter and short-term one-ups on each other. Fair enough on Scales’ part, given he was cut the worst hand with having to drag out the trash. Then again, a justified punishment for blowing 10,000 Poké.
There was also the fact that his fur was matted and unkempt. It stuck out at odd angles, some even standing up. Blue could tell where he slept based on how flat the fur was on that side. Half of that silver mane of his was completely flat. It was clear Rio wasn't a morning Pokemon.
I guess that fluffiness of Rio comes back to bite him this time. Might be appealing in the wintertime due to a thicker coat, but it does come with its downsides, that’s for sure.
Though the mention of Rio’s injury is certainly something to take note of. Just what happened there exactly? I’m willing to bet something went down in Team Disaster’s recent past, something that made them up sticks and move to Wonder City. Whatever it was, it doesn’t sound particularly good…
And now onto the enigmatic entities that are Mystery Dungeons.
When a Pokemon entered a Dungeon, all access to the outside world was suddenly cut off. For any sensory Pokemon, it was like everything just vanishes behind them. This phenomenon continues the deeper a Pokemon goes into the Dungeon. After some undefined point, be it going down or up, the phenomenon repeats itself, and whatever was left behind just vanishes while ones appear. This repeats until you reach the end, and get out.
I find this paragraph to be slightly awkward with the way it transitions from past to present tense while explaining Mystery Dungeons. I think sticking with past tense all the way here is the better way to go about it.
Rio remembered his first lesson from the Masters. Always be aware of your opponent. Never lose track. He then remembered the painful practice that followed to reinforce that lesson. He rubbed at his neck, feeling for the scar that lied under the mess of silver fur.
Ah yes, nervous habits that expose those doubts. If Apollo Justice were here, he’d no doubt be yelling out, “Gotcha!” and exposing the truth there and then. But he’s not here, so alas, us peanut gallery folks must wait for the true meaning of that scar.
It definitely had something to do with the Masters, though, by the sounds of it. Teaching that ultimately proved too harsh, perhaps?
"Horrible, right?" he asked.
"Terrible," Pana said casually.
"Very bad," Scales confirmed.
"Can't argue with that," Rio added. He felt Blue's absolute despair in his Aura.
Wow, that’s some dearth of confidence right there. Poor Blue. I wouldn’t say his performance was
terrible, myself. He did at least get a good hit in, so that earns some points, right?
Blue made some serious mistakes at first, but he showed that he learned from them. He never lost focus on an enemy, and he now capitalized on every stun.
Eyyy, improvement! Good to see that in our resident newbie.
The damage he did was almost nothing, so it was probably a good thing this did seem to be a low-level Dungeon. They had only seen Zubats and the occasional Diglett.
Man, I’m almost disappointed that that’s all we see here. Not very diverse, is it?
He painted as he walked, trying to power through his exhaustion.
I think you might’ve meant ‘panted’ here. Unless Blue has a penchant for painting and has a budding talent in the art that our gang haven’t figured out yet.
Rio noticed Pana's aura shift from mild interest to extreme greed, but her face hid it well.
Ah, a lover of the shiny stuff. This one’s got her own vices, I see. Pernicious over money - no wonder she was as angry as she was towards Rio and Scales for their money-wasting.
This Sableye looks to be an interesting kind. A shady sort of ‘mon with more to him than meets the eye. Somehow I get the feeling this won’t be a one-time meeting…
So he’s not a hybrid. In which case then, what is he? That Sableye and this Dungeon definitely hide a great secret. Our gang’ll be back here soon, I bet.
Chapter 6
Diversity in moves is always a good thing, good to see the gang’s encouraging Blue to embrace them early.
The real prize is what's on the inside, not the box itself!
(another slight issue with tenses like I mentioned last chapter)
I dunno, there’s probably some folks out there that value the box more than the money inside. Though now I wonder if it even contains money. Now I’m realising the possibility that they might well have been duped by that Sableye.
I see that among our team’s many talents, lockpicking is not among them. Might want to fix that at some point, guys.
Yup, lockpicking’s gonna require some practice with Rio before he acquires that skill. Will he manage it in the end? Pretty neat idea to have Bone Rush become a lockpicking tool for a Riolu or Lucario - that’s not something I see too often in PMD fics.
"No one tell her, and maybe she won't notice?" Rio suggested.
"Oh, she's gonna notice," Scales snickered. "But I won't say what happened."
And now Scales has his moment of payback against Rio for leaving out to dry a few chapters ago. That teammate banter’s coming into its own, and I like seeing it so far.
Rio could feel their excitement as he flicked the lid open to reveal four strange bracelets.
Cue the music.
They seemed to have been carved from some sort of white stone. Each had a flat side, presumably the top, and diamond-shaped indents built-in. There were two strange details that caught Rio's attention. One was that they were all different sizes, each seemingly fitted for every Pokemon there. The largest seemed to fit Scales's forearm perfectly, and the smallest would fit around one of the Bidoof's legs easily.
Z-Rings for Z-Crystals, by the sounds of it. So that’s the angle we’re going for, huh? Fascinating. In fact, now that I realise it, Blue’s treasure was a Z-Crystal, wasn’t it? And the diamond shape on the Sableye’s chest…yes, it all makes sense now.
They seemed to have been carved from some sort of white stone. Each had a flat side, presumably the top, and diamond-shaped indents built-in.
Well, if that isn’t convenient as hell. Almost makes me wonder if the whole thing was planned from the start.
And once again, apparently only Rio can see the mysterious glow of the crystals and bracelets. Is it an Aura sensing thing, I wonder, or is Rio just special in that regard? Maybe we’ll see once more characters come out of the woodwork and find out whether this is something exclusive to Rio.
"After another hour of Water Gun training." He could feel the Bidoof's intention, and Rio wasn't letting him get off that easy.
The Bidoof sighed and went back to drink.
No rest for the wicked, alas.
Chapter 7
The library, huh? I suppose that would make sense for Blue; he does seem like a studious sort. Though if he spends all that time in the library, perhaps it’s little wonder his combat skills are underdeveloped, to say the least.
"Well, let's try not to start any fires," Pana glared at Scales and Rio when she said that.
"One time!" They said in unison.
Boy, this sounds fascinating. I wonder just what transpired to have caused that reaction?
More to the point, how did two non-Fire-types manage to set a library on fire? The name ‘Team Disaster’ seems to fit them more and more as we go on.
Thesus certainly fits the crotchety old librarian archetype to a T. God forbid the group are in for it if they so much as lightly tear a page.
He cracked the stone floor as he sprained out of the library and into parts unknown.
I think you might’ve meant ‘sprinted’ out of the library?
"Griza?" Pana asked. "Y-you're here. You evolved?"
"Nice to see you two again," Griza said in a soft voice. "The Masters weren't very happy that you left.
Proof if any that the Masters do seem to be building up to be something of antagonistic figures. Maybe not antagonistic in the ‘evil’ sense of the word, but antagonistic in the ‘roadblock for the hero’s progress’ sense. My curiosity about them and just who they are deepens…
Was that Rio?"
"Why?"
"I'd like to see my boyfriend."
Oh dear. Griza’s the overattached girlfriend type, is she? Though I wonder if she and Rio were ever ‘together’ back in the days when they were with the Masters. Guess we’ll find out soon enough.
Also, that stone is clearly not fit for purpose. Get on making a sturdier floor next time, Thesus.
He and Pana walked down the stairs in silence, the persistent Luminous orbs replacing torchlight. Those must have been expensive.
Beginning to see how the ‘NO FIRE’ rule might’ve come about. Stray embers from torchlight probably did it. An understandable precaution, I guess - no one wants an in-universe version of what happened to the Library of Alexandria, after all.
"Where does this go?" Pana asked, holding the book to the Bidoof's eye line.
"'Aegis Cave: A Team Charm Treasure Hunt?'" Blue read out loud. "This is a children's book! Why would she read this?"
"Not sure I care. What she reads isn't my business. Now, what exactly are we looking for?"
Hey, don’t knock children’s books; some of them are pretty good! Well, maybe not. But there are some children’s books that stay with us as adults for how good of stories they told. Shoutout to those authors who kept the adults in mind too when writing for children.
He carefully picked a book on the bottom shelf out with his teeth and dragged it away carefully.
Damaging it might earn him a talon to the face if the guild didn't kill him first.
All the easier to do with the buck teeth of a Bidoof, alas.
But interesting to see Blue come into his own here, while Pana lags far behind him. Quite a shift from the previous chapter where it was vice versa. Maybe his knowledge will prove useful to Team Disaster, whose sense of knowledge is more rooted in fighting as opposed to scholarly endeavours.
Chapter 8
Dungeon items that made ridiculous claims like maps that track the changes and adjust accordingly or an orb that takes you straight to the end were being sold to gullible tourists,
Honestly not surprised that con artist merchants pepper the marketplace in Wonder City Though not gonna lie, if I was a merchant in the Mystery Dungeon world, I’d be tempted to do something like this too, making money off the gullible.
He set half of them off, some flashing with a bright light, some turning others into apples
Oh no.
Oh no. That’s not good at all.
I’m reminded of another fic where this happened at a climactic point in the story, and suffice to say, it didn’t turn out too well for the one that was itemised. Suffice to say, the reality of being itemised can’t be a pleasant one at all.
If nothing else, though, it does fit the lighthearted humorous tone this story is hitting thus far.
Also, how terrifying to be running from a Bewear, of all things. Small wonder Rio’s scared for his life.
The brief talk about evolution makes me wonder if we’ll eventually see Scales as a Kommo-o or Pana as a Pangoro. I guess we’ll wait and see on that front. Probably won’t happen for a while, though.
More lockpicking from Rio. He’ll be a dab hand with that before we know it, I bet. And nice set-up from last chapter, with him breaking the door lock in the same manner that he broke the chest lock.
But now the curious anomaly of a Mystery Dungeon in this house? How strange. How very strange indeed. Interesting one too - it’s not just yet another cave, forest, mountain climb or whatever other environments come a dime a dozen with Mystery Dungeons.
And now the mentions of a queen by a Carbink and Graveler? Hmm…somehow I get the feeling that I know just who this queen they mention is…
"If you pass the test, all will be revealed. I'll ask that you not reveal this place's presence. Let's go, Sult."
A test, eh? Then why is a Sableye the one to hand out the Z-Rings to Team Disaster? In fact, thinking back to the peculiarity of that Sableye, I’m now beginning to hazard a guess that he might be related to all of this. And in particular, his relation to the queen they mention…A relation that could be almost familial.
"You know what this is?" He asked the Carbink, holding his arm out. "It's been driving me crazy."
"The Z-Ring? Yes, finding out how to use it is a part of the test."
Learning how to use Z-Moves, no doubt. That should make for an interesting spectacle, once the team learns how to pass it.
The ancient technique part sounded interesting, and he knew the rest of his team would think so too.
I get the feeling this won’t remain a secret for long when a certain three other inquisitive teammates start snooping. If anything, I’m curious if Blue knows about this already, given his knowledge on Mystery Dungeons.
Slapping himself for forgetting the treasure bag, Rio went on.
Yeah, of all the times to forget to bring a bag, this sure ain’t the best one, Rio.
Oh, we’ve come full-circle back to the library? Huh. Didn’t expect that.
The flash of red hot anger rocketing down the stairs drew the Riolu's attention. The Noctowl librarian, Thesus, flapped angrily at him, murder in his eyes.
"WHAT. DID. YOU. DO." the Noctowl hissed. If words could kill, those would have erased Rio from existence.
Yep,
definitely not a librarian you want to get on the bad side of. Part of me wonders if there was a range of incidents for Thesus to become immediately irate if someone so much as breathes wrong while in the library.
More to the point, what’s a Mystery Dungeon doing connecting the library to some random house? That’s something mildly concerning, if it is a spreading Mystery Dungeon.
Chapter 9
It has been documented that Humans and Pokemon shared some kind of relationship. Some records lament the loss of their partners, some express relief that they are gone, and they all vary.
So this is a Mystery Dungeon world that takes place thousands of years after humanity’s demise? Interesting spin on it, and the way they’re referring to humans in this sense must mean they’re not necessarily talking about isekaied humans in the PMD sense of the word.
There are many rumors of other powers in this vein. Some say they could make Pokemon grow to enormous sizes, while others say they could pool on each other's power to perform devastating attacks.
Ah, a dead ringer for Dynamax and Battle Bonds. Definitely humans in the Trainer sense of the word, then.
Blue paused when he read diamond-shaped. Still completely oblivious to the librarian's rage, he glanced at the bracelet around his front leg. Diamond-shaped grooves dotted the strange stone. In fact, he'd seen that exact shape before. He kept it in his bandana!
Two steps ahead of you there, Blue. Rio figured it out last chapter.
"And you said there were more of these gems inside, right?" Pana asked Rio. This was the most animated he'd seen the Pancham, eyes wide and a grin playing on her lips. She looked good, better than the resting frown at least. "A lot more?"
Boy, is Pana going to have fun when she realises what these crystals actually mean, and what collecting them will mean for the group. Then again, maybe not - seeing as how the Z-Crystals will have use for the party, it will mean they can’t just go pawning them all off and getting a heap of money for it.
"Alright," Pana sighed. "Hopefully they won't be able to pin it on us this time."
"This time?" Blue asked.
"Later Blue," Rio said.
Once again, what in the world happened there? That sure sounds like an interesting tale. Hopefully we get to hear it at some point.
"This won't destroy my library, correct?" he asked Blue.
"Probably not," Blue answered. "Hopefully."
Bet.
The Noctowl knew there was no way he'd risk the books in here, so he slid the stone in the bracelet. It fit perfectly, and predictably, nothing happened.
Oh, okay, nothing did happen. Kinda was half expecting something to go off, like the big explosion of a Z-move creating a hole in the wall.
Rio squinted at the Bidoof's bracelet, looking back at his own. Was-was he drooling?
Hmmm. There was a mention of a distant hunger in Rio back in the Mystery Dungeon to do with the crystals and the Z-Rings. This is a follow-up to that, no doubt - but what does it mean? I have a vague guess - possibly a long shot - and it might have something to do with a certain prismatic light stealer, hungry for energy…
So now Team Disaster have a mission on their hands, with Thesus holding them to it. A Dungeon of human origin….sounds intriguing.
Thesus definitely fits the sceptical elder role with his concern for Blue and scorn for Team Disaster. No doubt it’ll take a bit for the other three to win him over, perhaps by carrying out this mission for him.
Chapter 10
"Breaking stuff?" Scales asked. "Nope. That happens a lot around us."
Ah, so it’s also ‘Disaster happens all around us.’ Hence why they’re named Team Disaster. Cool, cool.
After all was said and done they had put a sizable hole in the side of the town hall, and somehow started a fire next to it, nearly burning the rest of town hall down.
Ouch, what an unfortunate coincidence. It must be some bad luck for a team with no Fire-types to manage to set something alight. Unless someone started that fire to blame it on them or something.
They didn't get paid because of that, but it did go to their team rank.
But, hey, all’s well that ends well.
"It may have been a part of it…" Rio said. "But what happened at the library wasn't even close to the worst."
"Arceus Almighty, the ship," Pana groaned, burying her face in her palm.
Even more misfortune abound. Well, now there’s no doubt as to how Team Disaster earned their namesake. I do wonder if that was a name they gave themselves, or was it a name foisted onto them by others that stuck after a while?
Man, the whole story with the ship is certainly a laugh riot.
From bad to worse, to being banned from Port Topaz? A name I wonder if we might see at some point in the future. Would be a nice callback to this anecdote.
Unfortunately, Blue was there. He had moved, of course, but by then he had already taken several clawfulls of dirt right in the face. Scales turned towards him as he finished, grinning. Blue only stated back, dirt still clear. The dragons smiled faded.
Made some suggested amendments to this paragraph. As it stands, it feels a bit disjointed with typos in some parts.
Now we get to learn more about Scales, who we seem to know the least about. Guess that’ll change in the next bit.
"Hm? Oh, Pana and Rio? They're family! My brother and sister!"
Blue blinked at that. Once, twice, three times. He could see several problems with that statement right off the bat.
"How?" Blue asked after a bit, still confused.
"Adoption."
Oh, so they’re a family. That’s kinda cute, in a way, to think they all grew up together and decided to form a team.
"Yeah. Mom and Dad took me and Pana in, and then Rio washed up a few years later."
"Washed up?"
Oh boy, that’s a new spin on things. From PMD experience, folks who wash up on the beach tend to be...interesting folks, to say the least.
"Does it have something to do with that scar?"
Scales winced at that. "Can't hide anything from you, huh? When did you even see that?"
"Before the Dungeon. His fur was sticking up."
"Don't bring it up." He said, voice cracking a bit. "It wasn't pretty…"
Oh, yikes. So it wasn’t the Masters who inflicted that scar on him? It instead might’ve been from a much more sinister force instead…
And now a suddenly sinister history on hybrids, where there seems to be some level of discrimination against them on the Isle of Evolution. Sounds like a horrid place, alright. Probably one where they insist on the ‘purity’ of species and look upon hybrids with deadly suspicion. And apparently there’s a cult. Oh boy…that
can’t be anything good.
"Don't worry about it!" The Hakamo-o's grin returned full force.
At least Scales seems to be the friendly, chipper sort. I have to admit, he’s probably my favourite character of the bunch, partly because of the species pick and his friendly attitude.
This stone-" He held out his front leg, stone still shoved inside the bracelet. "It's a family heirloom. Mom gave it to me for luck."
"Cool. Did she know about what it might be?"
"Probably not. She would have told me if that was the case."
An heirloom from the past….Yeah,
totally not anything super mega important that’ll impact the characters’ adventure thus far.
"Cool, cool. Any human dishes?"
Blue wasn't quite sure he heard that right. "I'm sorry?"
The grin on the dragon's face grew even wider."You know, human foods! I've heard they made the best stuff to eat!"
"I mean, maybe?" Blue could see the saliva gathering around his large jaws. The Bidoof was surprised to see him care so much about something that mundane.
Yep.
Definitely a Big Eater, Scales is. No doubts now. That wasn’t just some throwaway dialogue back when they had the feast. (Funny, because as it turns out, I also have a Big Eater Hakamo-o character in my fic, Dual Wills. What a coincidence that we happened upon nearly the same concept independently of each other.)
Rio took in a deep breath before finishing his thought. "We need to warn him about the Masters."
Looking more and more likely that the Masters are antagonists. Guess my earlier suspicions were correct.
"They won't, Rio," Pana said, more trying to reassure herself than him. "They can't."
Rio wasn't as confident. That boat thing especially wouldn't just disappear. It was how they got to the mainland, after all.
Oh, so that tale about the boat wasn’t just a Noodle Incident - it’s actually a part of their backstory. And the giveaway that they used the boat to get to the
mainland…hoo boy, Blue’s hunch about the Isle of Evolution looks to be worryingly accurate.
It’s a lighthearted fic thus far, but things have turned a slight shade darker with what was revealed in this chapter. What more info will we found out, I wonder?
Chapter 11
Something’s probably behind that waterfall, if previous PMD experience is anything to go by.
"Hey Rio?" Blue asked. "What are-"
Without warning, Rio grabbed one end of his staff, and took a step over the cliff. The Riolu plummeted, staff in hand.
Well, damn. That was certainly sudden.
"Feels like Scales thought it was funny though."
Blue turned back around to see the Hakamo-o sniggering, his scales clanking together as he tried to shut up.
Did Scales expect that? Perhaps given all the misadventures they’ve been through, antics like this is something he’s used to, and thus it’s only a surprise to Blue, the team’s resident newbie.
Though judging by her reaction, Pana isn’t enthused by this. She can certainly be quick to temper, I’ve noticed.
Using Bone Rush as a rope is an interesting manipulation of that move. Of course, with the plethora of Riolu in PMD fics, we all do have to come up with unique quirks for our punchdog protagonists, so it’s nice to see that in play in this fic for Rio.
He swung back, and Blue took notice that his bottom paws, his feet, were now glowing light blue. The Riolu slammed back into the cliff face, and his feet exploded on contact.
His feet
what on contact?
What exactly is this new phenomenon?
"We're not supposed to break anything!" Pana shouted back. "And you're not supposed to use that move!"
"Look we needed a way in and now we got one. Are you complaining?"
Oh, apparently it’s a forbidden move? Though come to think of it, that might well explain how Rio left marks in the stone floor of the library as he was fleeing Griza. Desperation does tend to throw caution to the wind, and maybe he subconsciously left marks without the intent to. So it wasn’t the stone being shoddy, after all.
Scales snickered as he made his way over, making Blue suspect that this wasn't the first time he'd done something like this.
Not a one time thing, then. I’m really curious about this now - just how did he pull this off?
Strange black tendrils were snapped, electricity crackling at the ends.
Definitely an abandoned laboratory, by the sounds of it. Though ‘electricity’ and ‘black tendrils’ do bring to mind a certain Ultra Beast, and the way Z-Rings and Z-Crystals are a thing in this world…perhaps we might see UBs at some point?
Shattered glass was sprinkled all around the floor, but Blue barely noticed that. What was really getting his attention was the rainbow sludge.
Giving off ‘site of a failed experiment’ vibes, this place is. And as with all mysterious liquids, that mysterious rainbow sludge is very mysterious, indeed. I wonder what it could be…
Still, the light it gave off was unsettling to say the least.
Unpleasant gradients
are unsettling, in fairness.
He wasn't sure how it was possible, but the Pancham looked more annoyed than usual.
But she’s already as annoyed as can be, surely? Almost makes me wonder if this could be reworded to something like, “the Pancham looked even more irate,” and drop the “usual” part.
The slam shook the fluid of the thing's pod, rousing it from it's long sleep. The fleeing moment of consciousness faded soon after, but the abomination had one thought before falling into its slumber once more.
I'm not tired anymore...
…Well. If that ain’t sinister, then I don’t know what is.
Chapter 12
A laboratory Mystery Dungeon? Keep that stuff coming, I like seeing these new, unique kinds of Dungeons.
As soon as Rio entered, they heard a click. A second later he was gone.
Welp, there he goes. Cursed warp traps.
"Shouldn't we wait for him? In case he comes back?"
"He sure as hell won't do that. He'll probably keep going alone. Better chance of seeing him if we don't stop."
I wonder if that’s really the best of ideas here. I’m willing to bet that Rio’s gonna discover some secret out of earshot of the rest of the crew that he’s gonna have to bring them up to speed on.
He felt a slight tug in his stomach, and a thin stream of water flew out, splashing the offending Pokemon. The Bidoof couldn't believe it. He'd just used Water Gun!
Eyyy, the training paid off! Nice win for Blue there.
How fitting that a human-made Mystery Dungeon would have the human-made Pokémon Mewtwo himself in it.
"Pancham don't get a dark typing until they evolve, right?"
Pana paused. She frowned at that, and that frown turned into a snarl. If looks could kill, the glare that followed would have annihilated the Bidoof where he stood. Blue gulped and took a step back, apparently touching a sore subject.
I-Is this related to something in their past? Just what exactly happened there?
"I wouldn't bring up evolving around her," Scales said. "It's a sore spot."
Oh, it’s an evolution thing. Is it a feeling of ineptitude on Pana’s part that she hasn’t evolved yet? Is it the fear that she can’t evolve, especially with how Scales seems to have evolved without issue? More and more am I curious to find out about these guys’ pasts.
Now over to Rio, where he’s having fun with his new attack. Feels almost like the long reach that Generals have on their weapons in the GBA Fire Emblem titles.
Something was nagging at him, pecking at the back of his head. No, that wasn't quite right. Something was pulling at him, trying to guide him to whatever it was.
Called it! Knew he’d be pulled away from his teammates by something-or-other.
The dark glow it gave off captivated the Riolu. He had to have it. He needed it. He hungered for it.
Rio stomped forward, Bone Rush in hand, and swung at the glass. It shattered instantly, and the stone stayed where it was. Floating. Appetizing. Calling to him. It wanted him, and he wanted it.
Curiouser and curiouser…though that sudden hunger returns again. It seems to be in response to the Z-Crystals…which is somewhat concerning, to say the least.
Rio scratched at his neck as he examined the thing.
Once again, the little habits can reveal a lot. I can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection between these Z-Crystals and Rio’s past. Perhaps the cult on the Isle of Evolution has something to do with this?
Whatever it is, hopefully these trances that Rio goes into won’t take him over…
Its three... fingers-yes that was the word-has strange bulbs on the end, and something was sticking to what it was sure was its arm. It identified its short fur as white.
It flicked what it thought was a tail, purple apparently, around, tapping the barrier that kept it imprisoned.
Hold on a minute…Mewtwo? From the description, that certainly seems to be the case. Plus, it would fall under ‘human-made Pokémon’ that would be most fitting in a laboratory like this one.
"Why don't I just break it down?" Scales asked for the millionth time.
This seems to be a pretty common trend for Scales to just take a physical approach to most things. Occurring to me that he mightn’t exactly be the brightest flame on the Chandelure when it comes to thinking. Very much a ‘punches first, asks questions later’ type of ‘mon. A perfect complement to Team Disaster, really.
Now Blue’s getting one step closer to learning out how to do a Z-move…only to be hamstrung by his quadrupedal stance. That really isn’t coming in clutch for him a lot, is it?
He put his arms forward, crouched, and threw them up in the air, doing a silent roar. A black glow flashed across the bracelet, but nothing else.
Ah, the familiar pose of the Darkinium Z. Too bad there’s no aging sardonic police officer to teach it in this universe.
"...Thanks," Rio said, scratching at his fluffy neck. Blue noticed the slight pause, and his subdued nature.
"Are you ok?" Pana asked, picking up on it too.
"Fine!" Rio said, a little too fast.
Someday, the truth’s going to come out about these trances he goes into. And once again, that old habit emerges…
The walls of the room were lined with paper. Books, loose sheets and binders filled the walls and littered the floor. By Blue's best guess this room alone had more than the entire library's collection.
Either that’s a testament to the level of research that went on in this facility, or it shows how lacking the collection is in Wonder City’s library. Given that Blue’s seemingly read most of the contents of the latter, perhaps more books are in order for that place.
"What the fuck…" Was all he could say as they looked at the large cat floating in the amber goop.
Yep. Further confirmation this is Mewtwo.
The one the blue one carried was much closer to-
The abomination didn't even notice it at first. It was very faint, but it could feel the same energy that diminished it for so long. They were here to put it back to sleep! They wouldn't succeed.
So more proof from Mewtwo that there’s something up with Rio. And this time, it really does seem to be of an ancient, primeval variety.
He'd never felt an Aura like it.
He realized that wasn't quite true. He had felt something close. That Sableye gave off a similar feeling.
A similar feeling…of a Legendary Aura? To be honest, that speaks more volumes about the Sableye than Mewtwo here. I look forward to going back to them to figure out what their story’s all about.
And now it appears we’re in for a fight. …This won’t end well for Team Disaster, will it?
Chapter 13
Funny, I thought the fight would be an absolute curb-stomp, but it doesn’t appear to be that? I mean yeah, Mewtwo has the upper hand, but Team Disaster aren’t completely screwed yet. Maybe Mewtwo’s grogginess from its long slumber is holding it back.
He focused on the staff, and did his easiest alteration yet.
Burst.
The Bone Rush flashed once, and exploded.
More creative liberties of Bone Rush. That’s the well-established schtick of Rio, by this point. I applaud you for making this his trait to make him different from your average PMD punchdog protagonist.
When he saw what was left of the lab he wanted to cry.
The books were in total disarray, some completely destroyed in the battle taking place. Some shredded, some some torn in half, and some were blown to bits, along with a part of the wall and floor.
Well, so much for ‘preserving’ the site. Thesus won’t be happy with this at all…
Also right after the first Barrier is demolished, a new one forms right after. How tedious…
Pity Blue wasn’t able to do much to Mewtwo, but hey. He tried his best, and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.
And convenient, if it means Rio can take his heirloom and use its power to the max. Breakneck Blitz incoming - and how fitting that the Normal-type Z-move is the first one used, just like in Sun/Moon. Down to even copying out the poses for Z-moves - even if in fic narration like this, the impact admittedly doesn’t quite land like it does in the games.
Then, the resistance just stopped. Rio felt the boundless energy leave him as he plummeted. He just managed to glimpse the blue sky as he and his opponent fell into the lake below.
Oh dear, I had a feeling that might happen. Here’s hoping Rio’ll be okay…
He turned his head towards it, only to see it shoot out of the lake and into the sky, its Aura scared once again. Rio couldn't call that a win, but it wasn't a loss either.
Unleashing a potentially eldritch alien monster into the world? Er, no, Rio, I would definitely call that a loss. A big loss that will probably have an adverse effect on the world at large. Survival is a small victory, though, so a small win, I suppose, but outweighed by a big loss. Possibly.
Though if anything, I wonder if whatever’s dwelling in Rio might possibly be more of a danger to the world…but we’ll get to that part when we see it. In time, hopefully.
Chapter 14
Even the counters and all the chemicals they held had cracked open and spilled onto what was left of one of the best preserved human ruins to date.
Damn, that’s a pity. Always a shame when we lose a key pathway to understanding the great mysteries of the past.
His eyes were closed, and he was sinking fast.
Oh boy, that’s not good. If he’s not saved in time, we may have a problem on our hands…
The Riolu stood out, then again slowly descending in the middle of a lake would make anyone obvious.
Funny, you’d think the blue fur would make him blend in with the water a bit more. Then again, Riolu are hardly Kecleon when it comes to camouflage.
Kudos to Blue for leaping in to save his friend without a second thought. Goes to show how much he cares for them in such a short space of time.
Blue's now very unfocused thoughts turned to why Rio was so fluffy. Hair was coming off in his mouth!
That question keeps coming up, to the point that it feels like it’s more than just ‘Rio’s a hybrid’, and like this is something that has the potential to be quite the head turner when the reasoning behind it is revealed.
Blue stared at the Riolu in disbelief. "I've been out for a day?"
Rio laughed, then coughed. "Kidding! It's been like an hour."
Huh, is that all? I would’ve expected a few hours at least, with the massive burst of energy leaving Rio, Blue being knocked out cold by Mewtwo, and Blue having to perform a risky save of Rio in his unconscious state.
Blue quickly snatched it out of the Riolu's paw. He never wanted to lose it again. He vowed to never let it out of his sight.
There’s something about the latter two parts of this paragraph that don’t quite flow well, in my opinion. I think if it was,
“...snatched it out of the Riolu’s paw, intent to keep his precious keepsake safe and never let it out of his sight.” Perhaps it’s them being separate sentences that doesn’t jar well.
"AAAAAAACHOOOOOOO!" Rio sneezed. His entire body flashed a light blue, and exploded.
Ah yes, a great sentence to take out of context. Try explaining that to anyone who has no idea what this fic is about.
"Did-did you just explode?" Blue asked.
"Hm? Oh yeah, that happens sometimes."
"...Why?"
"Never got a straight answer for that. Masters said I lack control."
The nonchalance!
Pfft, I’m loving this discourse over Rio’s explosivity. Good job delivering the humour here.
Though being explosive isn’t normal, per se (unless you’re a Voltorb or Electrode, obviously). So what’s the deal there, Rio having this ability to explode? The mystery over his origins deepens…
Gonna bet that the stuff Pana and Scales salvage will turn out to be the most important documents of the collection and will just so happen to tell us exactly what that mutant Pokémon was.
Mr. Thesus would be...
Well, angry would have fallen short of describing it. Livid would have been closer, but incomprehendingly furious was the best bet.
Too right. Somehow I get the feeling mentioning the attack on them by Mewtwo won’t be a good enough excuse. The walk back to town’s probably going to be a long one, no doubt.
Blue turned to her, and saw her usually stiff frown soften a bit. "You saved Rio's life. Scales sucks at swimming, and I didn't have any strength left after that fight. Thank you."
Wow, to the point of being thanked by Pana of all people…Blue’s feeling more and more like he blends in with this group of misfits.
Scales got back a little later, dragging something metal with him. He told the team it looked important, but it was just too rusted and broken to find any use. Still, they decided it was better to take it. Someone might know more.
No doubt it’ll be an item that’ll come in clutch later on down the road. No description here, though, does leave the reader at a bit of a loss as to what exactly it is. Is it a vital component of the lab? Is it something related to the Z-Ring? Is it related to Mewtwo? Many questions, yet still no answers as of now.
And now back to the city, where our heroes will probably be in for it.
"That Alakazam sold me a shotty orb! It was already cracked!"
Ah, so that merchant was a con artist. Good - at least no one of a good nature (probably) was inconvenienced when Rio and Griza came charging through.
"Did you hear about the waterfall?"
....Ooooh boy.
"And he didn't use protection, so now-"
I’m almost curious what this one’s about.
But eh, maybe it’s not worth looking into.
Spotting a stand selling newspapers, Pana quickly walked over and snatched one without paying. The dosing Delibird didn't even notice the blatant theft.
Wow, that is brazen. Pana must be a natural at this, if she can do it in front of a bustling crowd of people. Then again, those tend to be the perfect environments to perform thefts in.
Blue was stunned. They had made front page news without even reporting anything! This was great!
I-Is it, though? They literally destroyed a human ruin and with it, valuable documents that could’ve given a greater insight into the past. Making front-page news in this scenario feels like getting it for all the wrong reasons.
Though curious to note about the ‘surprise visitor’ Rio says they might be getting before long. Based on their nervousness, could it be one of the Masters? Or their parents that raised them? I guess we’ll find out before long…
Chapter 15
She wore a badge around her neck, with a black body and gold wings with a bright blue gemstone right in the middle.
Sounds like one pretty badge from that description. Definitely a high-ranking ‘mon, by the sounds of it.
"I sent them to their deaths!" Thesus squawked. "Children, Jain!"
Quick to jump to conclusions, aren’t we, Thesus? Granted, from the outside, it does sound like Team Disaster did walk straight into, er, disaster and perished as a result.
"Y-yes!" he stammered.
"Keep up the good work then. I'll expect great things from you."
Good to see Blue finally getting the recognition he deserves from the Guild. No promotion, though? Lame.
I like Jain already, how she doesn’t take Thesus’s overreactions, acknowledges Blue’s work for the Guild, and offers to help Rio at first glance. Her leading Rio away might also help us glean more about our resident explosive Riolu as well.
Guildmaster Jain helped establish the town itself, a well known explorer in her youth, one who had led so many expeditions.
An interesting tidbit of info, but I think this might’ve been better if Blue said this as opposed to it being told through narration. It could also help capture Blue in a more starry-eyed phase as he takes in the praise given to him by Jain herself.
"A Carbink asked me not to." Blue's eyes widened at the Noctowl's words, remembering Rio's story. "Through those doors no less."
And pray tell, why is that? Is it something the supposed queen doesn’t want getting out? What’s so precious about this info that it can’t be leaked right this second? To Rio’s affiliates, nonetheless?
"Grass Knot. It is your reward for fulfilling my request, and yours alone. Do you know how to use it?"
Neat of Thesus to give a reward to Blue for his hard work. At least he looks out for his pupil. I suppose there’s a bit of good in everyone, even the crotchety librarian types like him.
Blue nodded, and ran after his team, excited to show them what he could now do. He didn't notice the Noctowl's frown, or what he whispered under his breath.
"Be safe."
Though by the looks of things, it’ll be a bit longer before he learns to trust the rest of Team Disaster. And maybe he’s also referring to the dangers that may be arising in the background.
The healers wing of the guild tower looked nice blues and whites of the painted walls held some basic hygiene and grooming tips for all kinds of Pokemon.
I admit this line feels a bit muddy and disconnected. Perhaps it could be cleaned up to be more like this?:
“The healer’s wing of the Guild tower looked nice. Its walls were painted soft blue and white, and hung up around the room were some basic hygiene and grooming tips for all kinds of Pokémon.”
Looks a bit cleaner this way, in my opinion.
'Get between your scales!' 'Don't be a Grimer!' 'DON'T USE EKANS OIL, IT MAKES THE BURNING WORSE.' 'Wash your fur often!'
One of these is not like the other. Someone clearly wants to get a message out about Ekans oil, I see.
Perhaps there was once a medic in the Guild who believed in that stuff and since then, the Guild have tried hard to stomp out their influence.
There were six comfortable chairs to go along with the beds, but Rio had destroyed three in his time there.
Bad news for the medics, but good news for carpenters around Wonder City, who are surely gonna revel in the extra purchases as a result of Rio’s explosiveness.
He snatched the jar as soon as she gave him the go-ahead, grabbing a handful of the small candies and popping them into his mouth. They were sweet, just the way he liked them.
Rio has a sweet tooth as well, eh? Another trait to add to the pile. And the fact that he likes all kinds of gummis marks him as an intriguing outlier…
Also, dang that is a
lot of gummis. Watch Scales demolish most of them when they’re presented to the rest of the group.
I see there’s some mild PTSD in Rio from the Mewtwo fight. Here’s hoping he doesn’t freeze up too much. Though with all these secrets he’s keeping, from the trances he goes into when collecting Z-Crystals to this, there’s gonna come a time where he needs to sit down and tell his teammates about all this.
Also maybe don’t take so many gummis next time, Rio, because shattered glass can be dangerous. Shoulda just brought the gummis themselves without the jars, to be honest. Though this was a good chuckle at the end of this chapter.
Conclusion
And that’ll be that for now.
I gotta say, I had a blast going through these first fifteen chapters! I’ve anticipated reading this fic for a while now, and I’m happy to say I was not disappointed. The characters are all really engaging, and the dynamics of Team Disaster are always fun to see. All of them are lovable and charismatic, and each has their own quirks to them that make it easy to become attached to them as a reader.
I also really like how this story is presented as being a more lighthearted PMD entry. There’s a good amount of humour to it, which I love to see. Several moments like Rio’s explosiveness and Team Disaster constantly bantering with one another made for funny moments to look forward to.
Also the chapters are really short and digestible, and make for fairly easy reading. Brevity is the soul of wit, and witty is this fic by its brevity. While it does have its dark moments, like the implied origins of Rio, the fic’s setting is still fairly light, with not huge stakes presented to our heroes at the minute. And yet there’s an undercurrent of intrigue that leaves us eagerly anticipating where this is all going to end up. Rio’s origins are what intrigue me most, as well as just who the Masters are, and I look to seeing how this fic will answer those questions in future chapters.
I don’t have a huge amount to criticise - it’s mostly typos and descriptions feeling a bit off in parts like I’ve outlined at various points in this review. But those are small nitpicks in the grand scheme of things. I really enjoyed reading this, and I’ll definitely look forward to reading more of this fic in the future.
Great work! Keep it up!
