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The Walrein

Vicinal Dragging for the Truth
Partners
  1. gulpin
  2. kricketot
  3. bulbasaur
Hello ShiniGojira! I'm here for your Catnip Circle review, starting with some line comments before I move onto the chapter as a whole.

A shaggy-haired man wearing a dirty white sleeveless shirt and a pair of green trousers strode into the dark, not bothering to switch on the lights as he took a sip of his coffee on his right hand.

I think "on his right hand" could be deleted here. It sounds odd to speak of holding a cup of coffee on your hand instead of in your hand, and the detail of how exactly the man is holding his coffee seems unnecessary anyways.

Althoygh, it was probably due to nostalgia than any excuses he could come up with.

*Although. Also, I think this should be "it was probably more due to nostalgia".

The light from the monitor made his mug glowed like a firefly, the number '679' on it rippling similar to a ripple in a pond.

*glow like a firefly. Additionally, using 'ripple' immediately after 'rippling' sounds a bit awkward to me; I'd suggest 'waves in a pond'.

Briggs opened up a folder labelled 'Work Things' and got to typing.

Sounds like Briggs uses the same sort of organizational system I do!

Occasionally, he took sips from his mug of coffee and although he knew caffeine wouldn't do much to help him. Twas, the benefit of having a body literally built to suit his needs, he'd mostly drank it for the taste anyway.

The first sentence is a fragment and needs to be rewritten or combined with the next sentence, while "[he] mostly drank it for the taste anyway" should be its own sentence. "Twas" is usually written as "'twas", with an apostrophe. I'm unclear what you mean by "the benefit of having a body literally built to suit his needs" - if Briggs' artificial body makes him unable to get an alertness boost from caffeine, how is that a 'benefit'? Were you trying to say that his customized body means that he's already optimally alert, and so caffeine would have no further effect? Maybe rewrite to something like:

"Occasionally, he took sips from his mug of coffee, although he knew caffeine wouldn't do much to help him - 'twas one of the benefits of having a body literally built to suit his needs, that he didn't need stimulants to stay alert. He mostly drank it for the taste anyway."

Minutes into his work, he paused, eyes blinking at the screen in bewilderment. "Is this?"

I think 'eyes' can be deleted here.

He rubbed his eyes and casted a magical spell that brought up a holographic projection in front of him.

*cast

The sounds of footsteps made him turn away from the monitor, he glanced behind him, seeing a lean blonde girl wearing a blue sports bra and a pair of brown shorts walking towards him.

*and he glanced. Also, 'sound of footsteps' feels more natural to me than 'sounds of footsteps'.

But this story won't be focusing on the tale of Ash Ketchum and his dreams of being a Pokémon Master, nor will it be of Gary's or the other trainers'.

"Gary" and "trainers" shouldn't be possessive here.

Rather our story starts on Route 1.

*Rather,

The route filled with basic and common Pokémon, many trainers had starters that came from this route but our characters were a bit… different from the rest.

*was filled with. There's a comma splice going on here - "many trainers had..." should be its own sentence.

He rubbed his temples, getting the pain to recede slightly. He shivered at the weird feeling of his fingers and opened his eyes, hissing a bit at the pain from the sudden assault of light.

Recovering from the pain, he narrowed his eyes and was met with an unbelievable sight.

He blinked once then twice and then a third one for good measure.

He looked down at his fingers, or more accurately, his claws. He flexed his claws, extending and retracting them with a curious gaze.

"What am I?" he paused, looking down at his yellow underbelly, orange limbs and turning around, spotting a familiar flaming tail. He paled. "I'm orange… oh God, I'm a Charmander, aren't I?"

He gulped, and if he was still human he'd be sweating bullets. "Oh God, okay, okay. Th-this has to be a dream, right? I'm not actually a-"

This section has a lot of sentences in a row starting with "He [verbed]", which feels somewhat repetitive. Also a few errors:

"What am I?" *He paused, looking down at his yellow underbelly *and orange limbs, *then turned around, spotting a familiar flaming tail.

He gulped, and if he was still human he'd *have been sweating bullets.

I appreciate the detail of Charmander being unable to sweat, though.

This wasn't real, he reasoned.

I think "This isn't real" would be more natural.

He shook his head, trying to clench his inner demons with a deep breath.

I think this should be "clench down on his inner demons".

"If you're in the anime world, then that'll be fine, just gotta watch out for Ash and you won't die from any legendary shenanigans. Haha, that sounds easy enough, right?" he shook his head, slapping his reptilian cheek and flinching at the unfamiliarity of his body.

*He shook

June snapped to his right, seeing a yellow rodent, a Pikachu, stirring and speaking, "Ah, my head, what the hell did you do?"

"stirring and speaking" should end in a period here.

"What? Of course, I'm shocked." Ane glanced at his paws. "It's just– Does this mean I have to walk on four now?"

*on all fours

"I guess." June puckered in his lips, letting out a quiet hiss as he rubbed an arm.

*puckered his lips

"So that's the Champion, my so-called 'creator'?" He didn't sound impressed at seeing the teen Pokémon.

When I first read this, I thought that the hooded figure was saying that the Champion was his creator, since the ethereal voice hadn't been introduced yet.

"I guess you're right, Briggs never did look like anything but a regular person." He shook his head. "I still don't get why I'm wearing this though, isn't the point of my being here is to test them?"

*being here to test them

"Pallet Town, three hundred metres south," June readout, looking at the large sign in front of them.

*read out

June's eyes moved to the tall grass around them, he took in the clouds moving above as well as the trees on the outskirts of the field.

Another comma splice, I'd suggest "around them, *then he took in".

Samuel Oak, also known as Professor Oak, was a man in his mid-fifties. He was known for being the first to create the pokédex, a revolutionary device that contained information of every known Pokémon in existence.

*information on

Oak was curious about what lied behind his door, the three voices weren't familiar in any way, though that could be easily explained through foreigners as they'd mentioned they were trying to find his lab.

*what lay behind. Also another comma splice, "the three voices" should either start a new sentence or be connected with "as".

Oak couldn't believe this. He rarely had the opportunity to meet actual humans that got turned to Pokémon!

I was surprised that this has occurred before! I don't know if there's some point in the anime where Oak met a human-turned-Pokemon prior to Ash's journey, or if this is an indication that this world has some major differences from that of the anime.

Having three brothers sent to the Pokemon world instead of a singular protagonist is a bit of a twist on the usual isekai formula, and their bickering is a good way to quickly set up their character dynamics. I'm not sure at this point whether just one of them is the "Champion Sol", or if all three of them together are. (Also, is that supposed to be "Champion's soul?) If it's only one, I could see some jealousy or bad feelings arising from it later.

It's also interesting that apparently there's another layer of hierarchy above universes and multiverses in this setting. Are multiverses groupings of universes sharing some common trait? Don't know if the exact details will be relevant, but it could be neat to explore.

The chapter does a good job of establishing the scenario and getting things moving quickly, although I wonder if it might be keeping things a bit too mysterious about what exactly the significance of the Champion's Sol is and what exactly the "test" Brigg's organization is planning will entail. There isn't much tension right now, as there's no indication that the 'test' will pose a serious challenge or threat to the brothers, or that the appearance of the Sol portends any sort of oncoming danger. I think I would've been more engaged had there been more of a hint at what sort of conflict is on the horizon.

Also, you start with three scenes in a row each introducing new original characters - first Briggs and Sarah, then June, Ane and Quil, then Mysterious Floating Guy and the 'Celestial Being', with mentions of an eighth character, Cosmo - and I have no idea which ones besides the brothers are going to be important in later chapters. It feels like a lot to keep track of, and I'd suggest trying to space the introductions out a bit more. The part with Floating Guy feels like it could've been moved to the end of the chapter, given that it doesn't have any immediate effect on the brothers' narrative.

That's all I have for now. Feel free to send me a forum PM or reply here if you have any questions about the review or want to discuss the chapter further, and I hope the rest of your writing goes well.
 
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