Pokémon Inkedust's Collection of One-Shots and Drabbles

[K_S]

Welp this should be the last in the series let's give it a go...

10 k word count for base story note...

Well, that's a rude awakening... so this is the bird version of stealing the sheets? Shuffling over the body-warmed segment... fun timed I sincerely doubt that our POV birdie will not be getting his spot back.

reminds me of an old FIL comic where Green's all but rolling his partner Blue out of bed and nagging him that he has to get up, for his own good and Blue's all like.. it isn't fair you don't have to get up...
Nope I don't and it's all nice and warm here, isn't it? as he slithers under Greens' covers.

and Crest is late at this point it seems better to just fess up to being late and not bang into everything on the route and get hurt before said confession...

What is it with mail people being late? Last blitz there was another late running (and horridly lazy) bird type that had a similar convo with their dodrio postmaster... guess I lucked out huh?

I'd say ms Dragonite might have a touch of future sight... just saying she nailed it in one... and that sounds like a heck of a trip...
though could you imagine a mystery dungeon adventure getting derailed by the mailman swooping in, freaking out over the psychedelic scenery, and accidentally dropping the mailbag on the big bad per a freakout?

We could get a mystery dungeon game that ends with "So we saved the world due to mailman joe swooping in and screaming... and dropping a parcel from high up it hit max velocity..."

While I get timing is everything I think Dragnite made have geared this to be a bit more than our little birdie can swing.

And now we're lost... possibly down a limb, parcel, and definitly down a tracker because it couldn't go any other way... Look I like frid sea food as much as anyone else but really...

It's a lean confort when you aren't someone's meal bu unable to move...

Glad rescue was reasonably prompt... and funny how he was grousing about dark types ealier isn't it? And sh'es got a nice set of tatoos... how does that work with fur anyway? Kinda evil to make him hobble along when he could be carried. still at least she did carry him the rest of the way. And she's got a point, methinks Dragon' wound up giving him way too much to chew off if the norm is sending pelippers to this area.

I'm imagining some incidents where she "forgot" her claws and got stuck in something. like a door, walls, a nasty set of tangles, and had a bad occurence as a result... though I gotta wonder how Sneasel this Sne' is... also wondering at her name.

lots of paper all over hte place... sounds like my writing desk is getting a call out... I am feeling judged. as for pen/ink levels I'd say I have more than her, but not by much and a bit scattered... still, feeling called out here.

You know, "I thought you'd be scarier, unethical and a jerk" is not the ususal ettequite to someone who coghs up huge sums of money to save your bacon. Urge to rap crest between the eyes rising... Sigh and hte kids really not seen much of anything has he. Wonder how Sne' is goingto break that to him. I mean her curiousity is a starting point but I suspect a gregatious soul would be like... "hey wanna go with me while I work to expand your scope?"

So he's so ah sheltered he isn't aware of what a firend is isn't he? man that's rough but at least she's easing Crest into expanding his world gently.

And I think that name kinda cemented it.. that and her rootles status, but we'll see if that's expanded.

Ah the warm reception of a blizzard to the face. I haveto admi I' a bit hotter temerped then Crest and I'd of turned my resignation and demanded pay at this point...

And you can see his roost mates are not going to take this well... poor crest that's gotta be a rough wake up call. I wonder how he's going to respond and I wonder if anyone's going to whisper hintings in Ms Dragonite's ear....

Ah the break them by working them game... it's a nasty buisness but I'm glad it hasn't worn Crest down enough tht he missed the tatooed critter in front of him... Though El's reaction to it is jingling a few alarm bells. Her stillness never really bodes well. So are legends marking thier favs. Sending them into the world. And expecting miricles... how fiting of them. It comes acros as a mix match of malicious and wonderous which is sort of thier hat... now I remember a certian psychic type and it beign an evil mon... and the dragon type being the good guy. If this is that setting then it makes this tale quite tragic and wingul Crest might be the only thing with a hope of wheeling El' back from the void of a certian psychic types manipulations... Or perhaps the thing she ahs to look forward to afterwards when she's snapped out of it by outside forces.

And per the cut off we don't know which way it will go for her... but for Crest who'se starting to explore and open his own wings a little... well perhaps things will get better.

 

[Pen]

Hey, a Darkrai fic! I am summoned.

There's something so deeply amusing about Evul Types sitting around grumbling about paperwork and ugh, minions, they can't do anything right. I thought it was interesting that Darkrai's not even able to take advantage of having a convenient cult to have a minion who listens to his maniacal speeches and tells him he's brilliant. Maybe he had one and had to off them for not being able to appreciate the particular nuances of his scheming . . . Either way, beneath all the cackling, it's pretty clear that Darkrai's lonely. He's got no other reason to indulge the Stranger as long as he does, even when the Stranger is refusing to humor him. All infrastructure, no companionship. I enjoyed the resulting dynamic between him and the Stranger, who was definitely giving me the malicious but with a sense of fun vibes you expect from a zoroark.

I'm not familiar with explorers, so unfortunately some of the finer points of Zoroark's critique were lost on me. I'm assuming from the context that Darkrai is the big bad in that game and has a really stupid big bad plan that goes terrible for him and that Zoroark's commentary resonates a lot with someone who's seen that plan play out. I did wonder where things go from here--it seems like having someone come and pick holes in your plan would get you to rethink some things? I was actually kind of surprised Zoroark walked Darkrai through his failings in such detail. From what the Stranger said about snatching away hope, I would think his initial impulse would be to hype Darkrai up to pursue a plan that the reader knows is doomed to fail horribly. Instead I got a surprising sense of pity and a twisted kind of mercy from the Stranger, like he was genuinely trying to help Darkrai, even if he knew that his nature wouldn't let him accept it. And that makes me think the Stranger, old as he is, is probably pretty lonely too . . .

I guess what I'm saying is, I'd definitely read the buddy comedy road-trip with these two.

Spoiler: Line-by-lines

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Echoed throughout the suffocating darkness.

Hm, since each of the taps has a period after, they feel self-contained, making the sentence fragment starting with Echoed feel jarring. Perhaps, "The sound echoed . . ."

At its source, a great figure was slumped over a desk - like a puppet on a string - tapping the wooden surface with a claw.

I'm not sure 'at its source' entirely tracks--Darkrai is the source of the tapping.

A slumped figure is probably like a puppet with its strings cut.

Hatred bubbled within his core once his gaze settled.

I wasn't sure what it meant for his gaze to settle. Settle on something?

The figure heaved over with a sigh, reaching for a quill pen that glowed with the light of a dying ember.

I'm not sure how 'heave over' is being used here. Heave generally refers to moving something heavy.

A little souvenir - a reminder of what would happen to those who tried to cross him. Not even a supposed creature of legend could escape such a fate.

Oh my, is the quill some sort of trophy from a legendary he killed? Perhaps Ho-oh or Moltres, if it still gives off light?

It was an unfortunate fact of the matter that running a large cult with so many moving parts would include a pyroar’s share of administrative work.

Think you just want 'fact' rather than 'fact of the matter.'

The stupid thing was bold enough to misspell his name.

How dare!

Some may have argued that the reaction was extreme but that was wrong.

For parallelism, it might read nicely to say, "Some may have argued that the reaction was extreme, but they would have been wrong."

Incompetence. Perhaps the one thing he hated more than paperwork.

Chucked here.

Hours marched on by, the stacks of paper that littered the room vanishing with each passing strain, led on by the scratches of pen meeting paper.

I was confused by "strain"--not sure what it means in this sentence.

“My, my, and here I thought that I was terrible at tooting my own horn!”

I didn't quite follow this. Being terrible at tooting your own horn probably means being modest, but I think you're going for the opposite of that? Maybe something like, "My, my, and here I thought I was too much in the habit of tooting my own horn.

When the moment passed, another figure stood in the room, right across the desk, just barely illuminated by the feather quill. The dark figure narrowed his eyes, appraising the trespasser’s appearance.

We get a lot of 'figures' here. I wasn't sure why the narration didn't transition to calling Darkrai Darkrai--figure is kind of clunky to see repeatedly.

A zoroark. A massive one too. It must’ve been at least twice his own height. That explained how he didn’t notice its presence until now but that wasn’t right; zoroark were a cowardly species, never leaving their territories, hiding themselves with their illusions. So why was one standing right here in his office?

The order of the information and the inferences Darkrai draws from it is a little off here, I think. The Stranger's height isn't the reason he didn't notice its presence, but that's the last thing we're told before Darkrai draws that conclusion.

He dropped the seed in his claws, shattering its delicate balance, before snatching it with his paw.

The seed itself doesn't shatter, only its balance? I'm not quite sure what that means.

Spoiler: Grammar

Darkrai frowned, he didn’t have the time for this.

Commas cannot connect two independent clauses. 'Darkrai frowned' and 'he didn't have time for this' are both independent clauses, so a comma is not enough to hold them together here--this situation is called a 'comma splice.' Usually the easiest way to fix it is to replace the comma with a period and make the second clause its own sentence.

He waved a clawed hand towards the door, dismissing the Stranger like he would with any other subordinate.

When you use the construction 'like he would' what you're doing is elliding the word dismiss, which is totally fine grammatically, but that means you need to pay attention to how the verb dismiss works. The verb dismiss doesn't take the preposition 'with' so you don't need that. (You wouldn't say, like he would dismiss with any other subordinate, you'd say, like he would dismiss any other subordinate.)

I would’ve preferred to have met under more proactive circumstances but you looked so bored.

I mentioned this in passing on Discord--when but connects two independent clauses, it takes a comma before it. Here, both clauses are independent, so you'll want the comma before the but.

 

[Flyg0n]

Paperwork.

Nyohohoh this was an amusing line. I love mixing the mundane with the fantastical.

Slow wittedness was a crime in of itself but that?

A fellow appreciator of spelling and grammar, I see!

“So you tried to break away from the rueful perceptions of others by…proving their point?” he asked. “I’m shocked, truly. I never took you for being petty.”

I had a good cackle at this line. Everyone said I'm a monster so I would prove them all wrong!!!.... by being a monster. Its always a really amusing thing to point out.

This one-shot is suitably dramatic and sprinkled through with annoyance and attitude. Darkrai is visited by a strange Zoroark suitably dubbed 'The Stranger', and proceeds to explain all his terrible machinations to it, in hopes of convincing the Stranger yes, he's the biggest bad and knows exactly what he's doing. The Stranger himself seems to primarily be here to be a little snot, and torment Darkrai, although I get the distinct sense he's also got some other plan of his mind as well.

The part that shines and sticks out to me in this one-shot is definitely the characters and dialogue. The intent as you said, seems to be two jerks having a go at each other, and I think you accomplish that nicely. Darkrai is very malding here about The Stranger and about the idea of being undermined, and tries everything he can to show off to Stranger, whereas Stranger seems equally determined to do what he can to irritate Darkrai.

I also liked the way you sprinkled in worldbuilding and details. Some of it was unfortunately maybe a tad lost on me though, (unless this is intentional?) such as the pronoun game of 'her' near the end, as well as the discussion of relics and their unethical creation. I don't think this is a pure negative though, just an observation. As a reader I was a bit confused as to who the character themselves actually are since I get the impression there's much more to them than I see here, but it wasn't unpleasantly confusing, it mainly piqued curiosity.

Nice story!

 

[Pen]

Electric Wasteland, Luminous Spring, Lake of Mysterious Light​

I love reading proper drabbles. You can always tell that every phrase has been carefully thought through. I'm not enough of a PMD player to have a mental image ready in my mind for each of these locations, but I didn't feel like I needed that, since you painted each one so distinctly. The Electric Wasteland as crackling and brutal, the Luminous Spring as enervating and mystical, the Lake of Mysterious Light as ominous and, well, mysterious. I enjoyed how each drabble had such a different vibe--nice work with these!

Line reacts:

“Expected a former guildie to put up more o’ a fight,” Machoke panted. “Unless...” A twisted grin. “Them rumours are true.”

Curious what the rumour was here. And I liked how much implied backstory there is in this one. Pangoro used to be a guildie but now works for the "Boss"? Intriguing . . .

Part of a triad, it shone with mysterious light that instilled great resolve to all who bore witness.

Minor grammar point--it should be "mysterious light that instilled great resolve in all who . . ."

Dark waters, pooled and hidden away to all living things, spread influence.

Likewise, "hidden away from all living . . ."

None except the passing visitor, who rushes to meet the water that shrieks.

This was a really striking, haunting line.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Hello! Here with a review of Negotiations with a Stranger. It's a lovely character study and a great unreliable narrator work. I'm charmed!

At its source, a great figure was slumped over a desk - like a puppet on a string

I love the throughline this creates for the entire rest of the piece. It's a strong visual idea that flies in complete contradiction to the way Darkari will spend the rest of the story trying to frame himself that you can't help but let it stick around in the corner of your mind. It's a great, economical piece of description that goes on to colour the whole rest of the piece. Probably my favourite line here, albeit because the relic description was split across several sentences.

a quill pen that glowed with the light of a dying ember. A little souvenir - a reminder of what would happen to those who tried to cross him.

oh no

The first place my head went seeing this was Ho-oh, because legendary, and bird, and fire. The second place my head went is Tigerlily because fire-type, Explorers protag, and if I recall correctly a maker of Exclusively Good Decisions. I like that second train of thought a lot less so please let me be wrong on that front. (I jest, it'll be good regardless, I trust)

The stupid thing was bold enough to misspell his name. Slow wittedness was a crime in of itself but that? That was unforgivable.

Ouch. I see Darkari has a propensity for attracting only the finest followers, truly those of great mental fortitude, rigidity, and of course excellent critical thinking skills. I wonder why he seems like such a swell guy. (Though those are bold words given I imagine I've transposed the last few letters of Darkrai before myself. But at least I didn't do it in a Darkari cult!)

“My, my, and here I thought that I was terrible at tooting my own horn!”

The figure, once composed, immediately shot up at the sound of the strange voice. His claws dug into the underside of the beleaguered desk, leaving another set of small dents behind. The voice was soft, playful, but most importantly, close. Whoever had spoken was in the same room as him.

“Show yourself,” he barked. He had little time for these games, especially those played by disrespectful phantoms.

“Goodness, talk about a stick in the mud,” it called back. “Very well, if you insist…”

Darkrai's physical reaction here brought the puppet imagery back to mind for me. Someone tugging on your strings, Darkrai?

I know I shouldn't like Stranger, really. But I can't help it, they have a charm to them. And you know what they say about the enemy of my enemy, too. Even if Stranger's probably just as bad or worse, it's fun watching them ruin Darkari's day.

“Mannerless cur. I shouldn’t be surprised,” the dark figure behind the desk grunted, suppressing the irritation in his voice. “I’ve heard of you and your exploits, Stranger. However, I regret to inform you that you have wasted your time coming here. I’m not interested in any of your deals. I already have everything I could’ve ever wanted.” He waved a clawed hand towards the door, dismissing the Stranger like he would with any other subordinate. “The exit is a few doors down.”

It interests me that Darkrai's dialogue immediately jumps to the capital-S Stranger for this character. If Stranger really is this figure's name (or at least their commonly-accepted pseudonym at this point, y'know what I mean) seems like they may not actually be entirely strangers after all! They certainly both seem acquainted with each other, even if it's their first time meeting in flesh and blood.

It had to have been at least an hour before the faint glow of magma crept into view.

“Not much farther now,” Darkrai said with a smirk. “You should know that this lair is built right on top of a Mystery Dungeon,” he bragged. “Of course, we’ll be avoiding it for now, but I picked this Dungeon for a very specific reason that you will soon learn.”

There was a flicker of recognition in the Stranger’s eyes, though the Stranger chose not to voice it.

Huh. Interesting... I guess it's probably just a nod to recognizing the location of either the Relic or Lightless or something like that, but it caught my eye either way. The first time I read through, my guesses were either Dark Crater because it's where Darkrai got (will get?) blasted back in time, or the Time Gear Volcano from the main menu and the one split second of cutscene, and it does seem to be Dark Crater but not for that reason.

The Stranger’s gaze followed Darkrai’s hands upwards and at this, Darkrai smiled. He’d reasoned that it would only be a matter of time before the zoroark succumbed to the Relic’s effects. That distant thrum that etched its way into the back of the mind, scratching against its walls. A persistent sensation morphing into growing whispers. Whispers that, while unintelligible, imprinted their emotions on the memories of those who heard it. Horror, regret, despair, transitioning into maddening, agonising shrieks. So visceral that one could almost feel the same torture that produced those screams.

That is some delicious descriptive text there, I love it. It feels to me like even Darkari struggles to be near it without feeling its sway. Truly, he is playing with powers greater than he is... which makes it all the more entertaining when he's dead wrong about Stranger and they're just like "ah yes that old thing, swell, have fun with it."

“Yes, of course. Made to subjugate deities, granting unimaginable power to their master. I know,” the Stranger replied with a dismissive wave of his paw. “I am correct to assume that you plan to do this with Lightless?”

Now I'm picturing something like... almost the opposite of the Purification Stone in XD, like a sort of shadow stone. Something produced with torture, which then went on to be used to try to break and subjugate legendaries to the will of masters whom, based on it existing before the PMD world, I would presume to have been humans.

The painful itch of those seeds of doubt felt like salt to his wounded pride. A sting that would continue to follow him even when on the cusp of executing his plans. What once felt like a foolproof foundation was now a rickety shack of many, many unknowns.

:)

 

[SparklingEspeon]

A harrumph. A zoroark. A massive one too. It must’ve been at least twice his own height. That explained how he didn’t notice its presence until now but that wasn’t right; zoroark were a cowardly species, never leaving their territories, hiding themselves with their illusions. So why was one standing right here in his office? As the figure looked closer, he couldn’t help but notice that several aspects of this zoroark were…off. It was covered in thick, whitish-grey fur with red accents, giving it a spectral look. The mane was loose and covered the entire left side of its face. From the right, a grey eye stared him down, the look was complimented by a wide, toothy grin.

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