I Remember...
Yodakage Kira
A man with a golden gun
- Pronouns
- he/him
A boy... his family... and the event that drove him to be who he is today...
Oneshot based on the backstory of Luke from 'The Shattered Sword'
Content Warning: Violence, depressing themes, guilt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I remember where I lived for most of my life. In the region of Veneta, a house just outside a city, surrounded by forest. It wasn’t a mansion, but it was still big. It was two floors, not including the basement my father used for his work. It’s outside walls were painted a navy blue and I had my own room that I kept meticulously clean.
I remember being curious about the Pokémon we lived with. A protective Gardevoir, a kind Arbok, a prideful Riolu, and a cunning Frogadier. They were practically my siblings… and I still consider them so. Even if Ruby acted more like another mother.
I remember my seventh birthday quite vividly. It was the day I became fascinated with Ruby’s psychic abilities… even if I had seen that Gardevoir’s powers countless times already. That day… it all finally clicked.
I remember her moonlit dance across the fields of grass. Each graceful step flowing into the other with such precision it was like she’d done it a hundred times already. The lights and flashes of her powers punctuated it, leaving us all in awe with every second bringing us something new. With a final twirl, she ended on a high note and took a deep bow. I remember the sparkle of her golden amulet draped around her neck.
I remember my parents smiling as they brought us all into a hug before I went to bed that very night. Dreaming of that moonlit dance with the stars themselves bearing witness. I remember that childish feeling of wonder and amazement. From that night on, I wanted to chase after it with all my soul.
I remember that for as big an Arbok that Serene was… her heart was ever bigger. She always meant the best. Even if the way she did it was… strange at times.
I remember a summer day, hot and boring described it best. I remember going out to the yard and finding a hole that definitely wasn’t there before. I approached with weary curiosity, finding the hole to be wider than me by a significant amount.
I remember my breaths quickening with every step I took closer. Guided solely by curiosity. My head slowly drifted over its edge as I gazed in, finding the face of a familiar snake staring back up at me curiously.
I remember her making room on that dirt floor and gesturing for me to join her below. I didn’t think twice, having jumped in without a care. It was cool, and oddly soothing. We both were tired from the heat, she put some of her coils under my head like a pillow as we both drifted off into a nap.
I remember when my parents brought home two Pokémon eggs from their lab in the city one drab rainy night. I was ecstatic, and so was everyone else. All we had to do was wait for the moment they hatched. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into two months. My curiosity was overwhelming, and my patience had already worn thin.
I remember one fateful day, when they finally hatched. A brilliant glow erupted briefly from them both as they broke through. A Fennekin was revealed from one, and a Pichu from the other. From then on, Ashley and Shock would be their names.
I remember just how beautiful life could be…
I remember them warming up to Serene almost right away. Sometimes I’d find them resting peacefully with the Arbok as she laid by our fireplace, or playing with one another as she watched carefully from the sidelines as she read a book.
I remember my stupidity and naivety of the forest that surrounded our home. I was never allowed to go out there alone, and for good reason. But somehow… I slipped out past everyone. I inched deeper into the forest with each minute. Childish boredom fueled me onward.
I remember my child self finally witnessing that not all Pokémon were friendly. A Serviper had found me, one that wasn’t going to let me run away. I was out too far and all hope seemed lost. It lunged towards me with its fangs ready…
I remember… a light.
I remember my trembling self opening its eyes, finding a Lucario holding the unconscious body of the Serviper in his paws. He dropped it before checking over himself in amazement. A look of relief and excitement washed over his face as he turned to me. He carefully picked me up, and started off back home.
I remember the guilt I felt that night as it all sunk in. Aeon evolved to protect me, and I couldn’t even fight back against the Serviper. That night… I promised myself that I’d try to protect everyone. First, I needed to get stronger.
I remember my ninth birthday just as much as my seventh. That day… I learned how to properly throw a punch. And while the Greninja tried his best… I couldn’t exactly throw anything with enough force to do any major damage. Even if my technique was right.
I remember Gray shrugging and showing me one of my father’s swords without asking. It’s metal shone in the sun with it’s gold detailing shimmering majestically. The engraved name on one of its sides read “Downfall”. The Greninja held the rapier confidently as he stabbed it through a piece of paper he threw into the air. I remember thinking that it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I also remember asking my father if he could teach me how to use it.
I remember his answer made me the happiest child alive.
I remember my parents. Always there making sure everyone was fine, trying their best to give us all the feeling of belonging. The feeling has never faltered once. Having instead become a cornerstone in the back of my mind, giving me stability when I feel like there is none. They were the glue that held us all together.
I remember my father’s lab. It was messy… in a way that only he could make sense of. He fascinated me with his research and creations… it wouldn’t be long until I started down the path that he did. I remember asking if we could make a sword that was electrified. I remember him chuckling as he put his glasses on and told me to follow, before getting to work on it with me.
I remember my mother’s garden. Beautiful, and orderly best described it. Rows of flowers decorated the scene, as the afternoon sun shone down on it all. She showed me around, and gave me the reasons for why she was so thorough. It didn’t take long for me to pick it up myself.
I remember that we were all family. I remember how happy we all were. I remember wanting it to stay like that forever…
I remember my tenth birthday… I don’t want to remember it…
I remember that day far too well. At first… things were swell. Aeon, Ruby, Gray, Ashley, Shock, and Serene, all wanted to battle since I was legally able. So we set off excitedly. I remember the sounds, the sights, the flashing colors of explosions and the impacts of traded blows. It was something I never could’ve ever imagined.
I remember us losing almost every battle that day. We were saddened, but the taste of victory was too sweet to give up on. I remember waking home with everyone in their pokéballs, they were too tired to walk. So I did what I thought was right.
I remember finally getting home when the sun was beginning to set. I broke through the forest, wearily treading my way along the dirt path to our house…
I remember the hot sun and the cool wind blowing over me as I walked…
I remember the wood of the balcony squeaking as I put my foot on it…
I remember the stiffness of our front door as I opened it…
I remember closing it behind me and making my way to the living room…
I… remember… that man. A black trench coat draped around him with an old fedora decorating the top of his brown hair. He wore glasses, their design sleek and expensive. His expression froze me in my tracks…
I remember seeing the panic in my parents eyes as I cluelessly gazed at all three of them…
I remember the sound of that man’s emotionless voice… but not his words…
I remember slowly starting to realize something was wrong…
I remember that my father was a paranoid man, he had various firearms and even told me where one particular one was. The man in a trench coat turned back to face my parents before I quietly grabbed the revolver my father had in a nearby drawer…
I remember pointing that damned gun at him…
… yet I could not pull the trigger.
I remember two deafening bangs tearing myself back to reality…
Both of them fell to the ground as a third echoed out. Pain in my chest flourished as I dropped the revolver to the ground, it's cold metal rubbing along the wooden floors as I followed right after it…
The man had already fled… the shadows having taken him away like a ghost…
Blood was rapidly pouring out of a gunshot wound through my left side. It felt horrific, a hole was blown straight through me and I could feel the rips and tears, the burns and scalding material left behind.
I wanted to scream… yet nothing came…
My vision went dark… what I thought were my last moments were spent thinking about how I won’t get to say thank you one final time to everyone else…
I remember muttering sorry, though no one would hear it…
As it all… drifted… away…
…
…
…
I remember my eyes breaking through a light, barely being able to crack open with the beeping of a heart monitor going off in the background. The first thing I saw was the hospital room, empty… from what I could see.
I remember weakly turning my head to see my injuries. Seeing that a large bandage was wrapped around my chest and back, I couldn’t see the hole that I felt there previously. But the pain in the back of my mind remained.
I remember someone noticing that I was awake. A doctor came in soon after, and told me that I would miraculously make a full recovery in a couple of weeks. They seemed happy, except for me.
I remember everyone visiting me. Their somber yet relieved expressions told me everything I needed to know. I found out that Ruby got out of her pokeball just after I passed out, and was barely able to get me to a hospital.
I already knew the fates of mom and dad… yet I refused to believe it…
I remember pulling her close… and finally crying myself to sleep.
I remember the nightmare I had. It simply replayed what had happened. No changes could be made to make it worse, only I could have prevented it. And yet I didn’t. I was slow, I was indecisive, I was weak, but I wasn’t the one that paid for it…
I remember the police questioning me about the incident. I stared vacantly at the wall behind them, or at the floor as I answered. They said that they would find the man that did it. And for a while… the guilt felt weaker.
Yet when I got out of the hospital six weeks later, I had found that they’d seemingly stopped investigating. The guilt crept back into my mind and I had no defense against it, I didn’t deserve one.
I had told myself that this couldn’t be how it ended…
…
I remember how devastated everyone was without mom and dad. The house felt so much emptier, it's quiet nature taking hold as a constant reminder of what I failed to save.
Ruby kept to being as close to me as possible. Not letting me out of her sight for even a second. She always seemed to be on the verge of tears, I… tried… to help…
Serene was even more quiet and reclusive than usual, though anytime I found her, she was trying to console Shock and Ashley. I… didn’t know what to do…
Aeon and Gray… they stopped fighting entirely. The fire of their rivalry had seemingly been snuffed out overnight. I… couldn’t bear to see them like this.
I remember the nightmare… I got to know it well…
It has never changed, and never will.
…
I remember getting convinced to go travel around the world to take my mind off of it. I’d be doing it with everyone else, and another friend of mine. And so we did. For years we went from region to region, battling and exploring…
We made great memories in Kanto, from causing general mischief, to battling a former Champion. In Johto, we improved our capabilities in battle quite a lot. I started to notice myself getting far more cold and tactical towards my opponents…
All of us got to relax rather well in Hoenn and Alola, all things considered. Ruby had improved her condition a lot, and so had everyone else. Though I knew she could tell that hardly anything changed for me.
Unova was the region I realized that this wasn’t helping me…
The guilt was still there, looming over it all.
I wanted to make it go away, but first… I needed the means…
…
I remember raising my hand in victory as the crowd cheered. The announcer’s voice was in shock as they announced that we had won. Jonathan, Lance, and I, had flawlessly won our matches.
Everyone got into one big hug. Today, we were Champions of Veneta.
The cheers of the crowd and the congratulatory words of my friends and their teams blurred together as I looked at those I called my family. They were happy, overjoyed even.
I smiled… for once being…
Happy.
…
I remember having long left the ceremony the moment I was able. I left my… siblings… with my human friends there. I didn’t want to spoil their night, they knew where to find me.
I remember treading down a familiar dirt road in the forest…
I remember slowly being reminded of all the things I did along then. All the places I went off and discovered when I was a kid…
I remember the fun I had, exploring by myself or with one of my family members or friends… I remember those drowsy summer days where I did nothing but chill in the shade with Serene… I remember those moonlit nights that Ruby showed me her dance… I remember chasing Shock and Ashley around as a game… I remember watching Gray and Aeon as they battled when I was bored…
I remember stopping as the house finally came into view. I took a deep breath, the familiar feeling of guilt starting to return.
The garden was a mess, flowers were dead or overgrown, order had been lost a long time ago. It’s caretaker was gone after all. I could see the rusted out remains of some of my father’s creations. Obviously battered and beaten by the elements without its need for repairs being met. Missing was the person that watched over them.
I remember not moving an inch, instead leaning my back against a tree as I looked up to the sky above. The stars above bearing witness to everything below, their distant sparkle making me feel alone.
I remember being… caught off guard by Ruby…
I remember her simply sitting beside me and staring up to the stars along with me. Some tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she turned her gaze to me. She did not say a word. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug, she was really worried about me.
I remember wanting to try to reassure her…
…
But not a word came…
Oneshot based on the backstory of Luke from 'The Shattered Sword'
Content Warning: Violence, depressing themes, guilt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I remember where I lived for most of my life. In the region of Veneta, a house just outside a city, surrounded by forest. It wasn’t a mansion, but it was still big. It was two floors, not including the basement my father used for his work. It’s outside walls were painted a navy blue and I had my own room that I kept meticulously clean.
I remember being curious about the Pokémon we lived with. A protective Gardevoir, a kind Arbok, a prideful Riolu, and a cunning Frogadier. They were practically my siblings… and I still consider them so. Even if Ruby acted more like another mother.
I remember my seventh birthday quite vividly. It was the day I became fascinated with Ruby’s psychic abilities… even if I had seen that Gardevoir’s powers countless times already. That day… it all finally clicked.
I remember her moonlit dance across the fields of grass. Each graceful step flowing into the other with such precision it was like she’d done it a hundred times already. The lights and flashes of her powers punctuated it, leaving us all in awe with every second bringing us something new. With a final twirl, she ended on a high note and took a deep bow. I remember the sparkle of her golden amulet draped around her neck.
I remember my parents smiling as they brought us all into a hug before I went to bed that very night. Dreaming of that moonlit dance with the stars themselves bearing witness. I remember that childish feeling of wonder and amazement. From that night on, I wanted to chase after it with all my soul.
I remember that for as big an Arbok that Serene was… her heart was ever bigger. She always meant the best. Even if the way she did it was… strange at times.
I remember a summer day, hot and boring described it best. I remember going out to the yard and finding a hole that definitely wasn’t there before. I approached with weary curiosity, finding the hole to be wider than me by a significant amount.
I remember my breaths quickening with every step I took closer. Guided solely by curiosity. My head slowly drifted over its edge as I gazed in, finding the face of a familiar snake staring back up at me curiously.
I remember her making room on that dirt floor and gesturing for me to join her below. I didn’t think twice, having jumped in without a care. It was cool, and oddly soothing. We both were tired from the heat, she put some of her coils under my head like a pillow as we both drifted off into a nap.
I remember when my parents brought home two Pokémon eggs from their lab in the city one drab rainy night. I was ecstatic, and so was everyone else. All we had to do was wait for the moment they hatched. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into two months. My curiosity was overwhelming, and my patience had already worn thin.
I remember one fateful day, when they finally hatched. A brilliant glow erupted briefly from them both as they broke through. A Fennekin was revealed from one, and a Pichu from the other. From then on, Ashley and Shock would be their names.
I remember just how beautiful life could be…
I remember them warming up to Serene almost right away. Sometimes I’d find them resting peacefully with the Arbok as she laid by our fireplace, or playing with one another as she watched carefully from the sidelines as she read a book.
I remember my stupidity and naivety of the forest that surrounded our home. I was never allowed to go out there alone, and for good reason. But somehow… I slipped out past everyone. I inched deeper into the forest with each minute. Childish boredom fueled me onward.
I remember my child self finally witnessing that not all Pokémon were friendly. A Serviper had found me, one that wasn’t going to let me run away. I was out too far and all hope seemed lost. It lunged towards me with its fangs ready…
I remember… a light.
I remember my trembling self opening its eyes, finding a Lucario holding the unconscious body of the Serviper in his paws. He dropped it before checking over himself in amazement. A look of relief and excitement washed over his face as he turned to me. He carefully picked me up, and started off back home.
I remember the guilt I felt that night as it all sunk in. Aeon evolved to protect me, and I couldn’t even fight back against the Serviper. That night… I promised myself that I’d try to protect everyone. First, I needed to get stronger.
I remember my ninth birthday just as much as my seventh. That day… I learned how to properly throw a punch. And while the Greninja tried his best… I couldn’t exactly throw anything with enough force to do any major damage. Even if my technique was right.
I remember Gray shrugging and showing me one of my father’s swords without asking. It’s metal shone in the sun with it’s gold detailing shimmering majestically. The engraved name on one of its sides read “Downfall”. The Greninja held the rapier confidently as he stabbed it through a piece of paper he threw into the air. I remember thinking that it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I also remember asking my father if he could teach me how to use it.
I remember his answer made me the happiest child alive.
I remember my parents. Always there making sure everyone was fine, trying their best to give us all the feeling of belonging. The feeling has never faltered once. Having instead become a cornerstone in the back of my mind, giving me stability when I feel like there is none. They were the glue that held us all together.
I remember my father’s lab. It was messy… in a way that only he could make sense of. He fascinated me with his research and creations… it wouldn’t be long until I started down the path that he did. I remember asking if we could make a sword that was electrified. I remember him chuckling as he put his glasses on and told me to follow, before getting to work on it with me.
I remember my mother’s garden. Beautiful, and orderly best described it. Rows of flowers decorated the scene, as the afternoon sun shone down on it all. She showed me around, and gave me the reasons for why she was so thorough. It didn’t take long for me to pick it up myself.
I remember that we were all family. I remember how happy we all were. I remember wanting it to stay like that forever…
I remember my tenth birthday… I don’t want to remember it…
I remember that day far too well. At first… things were swell. Aeon, Ruby, Gray, Ashley, Shock, and Serene, all wanted to battle since I was legally able. So we set off excitedly. I remember the sounds, the sights, the flashing colors of explosions and the impacts of traded blows. It was something I never could’ve ever imagined.
I remember us losing almost every battle that day. We were saddened, but the taste of victory was too sweet to give up on. I remember waking home with everyone in their pokéballs, they were too tired to walk. So I did what I thought was right.
I remember finally getting home when the sun was beginning to set. I broke through the forest, wearily treading my way along the dirt path to our house…
I remember the hot sun and the cool wind blowing over me as I walked…
I remember the wood of the balcony squeaking as I put my foot on it…
I remember the stiffness of our front door as I opened it…
I remember closing it behind me and making my way to the living room…
I… remember… that man. A black trench coat draped around him with an old fedora decorating the top of his brown hair. He wore glasses, their design sleek and expensive. His expression froze me in my tracks…
I remember seeing the panic in my parents eyes as I cluelessly gazed at all three of them…
I remember the sound of that man’s emotionless voice… but not his words…
I remember slowly starting to realize something was wrong…
I remember that my father was a paranoid man, he had various firearms and even told me where one particular one was. The man in a trench coat turned back to face my parents before I quietly grabbed the revolver my father had in a nearby drawer…
I remember pointing that damned gun at him…
… yet I could not pull the trigger.
I remember two deafening bangs tearing myself back to reality…
Both of them fell to the ground as a third echoed out. Pain in my chest flourished as I dropped the revolver to the ground, it's cold metal rubbing along the wooden floors as I followed right after it…
The man had already fled… the shadows having taken him away like a ghost…
Blood was rapidly pouring out of a gunshot wound through my left side. It felt horrific, a hole was blown straight through me and I could feel the rips and tears, the burns and scalding material left behind.
I wanted to scream… yet nothing came…
My vision went dark… what I thought were my last moments were spent thinking about how I won’t get to say thank you one final time to everyone else…
I remember muttering sorry, though no one would hear it…
As it all… drifted… away…
…
…
…
I remember my eyes breaking through a light, barely being able to crack open with the beeping of a heart monitor going off in the background. The first thing I saw was the hospital room, empty… from what I could see.
I remember weakly turning my head to see my injuries. Seeing that a large bandage was wrapped around my chest and back, I couldn’t see the hole that I felt there previously. But the pain in the back of my mind remained.
I remember someone noticing that I was awake. A doctor came in soon after, and told me that I would miraculously make a full recovery in a couple of weeks. They seemed happy, except for me.
I remember everyone visiting me. Their somber yet relieved expressions told me everything I needed to know. I found out that Ruby got out of her pokeball just after I passed out, and was barely able to get me to a hospital.
I already knew the fates of mom and dad… yet I refused to believe it…
I remember pulling her close… and finally crying myself to sleep.
I remember the nightmare I had. It simply replayed what had happened. No changes could be made to make it worse, only I could have prevented it. And yet I didn’t. I was slow, I was indecisive, I was weak, but I wasn’t the one that paid for it…
I remember the police questioning me about the incident. I stared vacantly at the wall behind them, or at the floor as I answered. They said that they would find the man that did it. And for a while… the guilt felt weaker.
Yet when I got out of the hospital six weeks later, I had found that they’d seemingly stopped investigating. The guilt crept back into my mind and I had no defense against it, I didn’t deserve one.
I had told myself that this couldn’t be how it ended…
…
I remember how devastated everyone was without mom and dad. The house felt so much emptier, it's quiet nature taking hold as a constant reminder of what I failed to save.
Ruby kept to being as close to me as possible. Not letting me out of her sight for even a second. She always seemed to be on the verge of tears, I… tried… to help…
Serene was even more quiet and reclusive than usual, though anytime I found her, she was trying to console Shock and Ashley. I… didn’t know what to do…
Aeon and Gray… they stopped fighting entirely. The fire of their rivalry had seemingly been snuffed out overnight. I… couldn’t bear to see them like this.
I remember the nightmare… I got to know it well…
It has never changed, and never will.
…
I remember getting convinced to go travel around the world to take my mind off of it. I’d be doing it with everyone else, and another friend of mine. And so we did. For years we went from region to region, battling and exploring…
We made great memories in Kanto, from causing general mischief, to battling a former Champion. In Johto, we improved our capabilities in battle quite a lot. I started to notice myself getting far more cold and tactical towards my opponents…
All of us got to relax rather well in Hoenn and Alola, all things considered. Ruby had improved her condition a lot, and so had everyone else. Though I knew she could tell that hardly anything changed for me.
Unova was the region I realized that this wasn’t helping me…
The guilt was still there, looming over it all.
I wanted to make it go away, but first… I needed the means…
…
I remember raising my hand in victory as the crowd cheered. The announcer’s voice was in shock as they announced that we had won. Jonathan, Lance, and I, had flawlessly won our matches.
Everyone got into one big hug. Today, we were Champions of Veneta.
The cheers of the crowd and the congratulatory words of my friends and their teams blurred together as I looked at those I called my family. They were happy, overjoyed even.
I smiled… for once being…
Happy.
…
I remember having long left the ceremony the moment I was able. I left my… siblings… with my human friends there. I didn’t want to spoil their night, they knew where to find me.
I remember treading down a familiar dirt road in the forest…
I remember slowly being reminded of all the things I did along then. All the places I went off and discovered when I was a kid…
I remember the fun I had, exploring by myself or with one of my family members or friends… I remember those drowsy summer days where I did nothing but chill in the shade with Serene… I remember those moonlit nights that Ruby showed me her dance… I remember chasing Shock and Ashley around as a game… I remember watching Gray and Aeon as they battled when I was bored…
I remember stopping as the house finally came into view. I took a deep breath, the familiar feeling of guilt starting to return.
The garden was a mess, flowers were dead or overgrown, order had been lost a long time ago. It’s caretaker was gone after all. I could see the rusted out remains of some of my father’s creations. Obviously battered and beaten by the elements without its need for repairs being met. Missing was the person that watched over them.
I remember not moving an inch, instead leaning my back against a tree as I looked up to the sky above. The stars above bearing witness to everything below, their distant sparkle making me feel alone.
I remember being… caught off guard by Ruby…
I remember her simply sitting beside me and staring up to the stars along with me. Some tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she turned her gaze to me. She did not say a word. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug, she was really worried about me.
I remember wanting to try to reassure her…
…
But not a word came…