bluesidra
Mood
- Pronouns
- she/her
- Partners
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Hello!
So, I did it! I binged hh over the course of a single day. Damn, that shit is addicting. And it was by far not as gruesome as I thought it would be. It was a lot more on the sad side, actually. I get you when you say that you’re stuck at a very hard scene in the rewrite. Everything in the last third feels very hard.
I took quotes as long as I was on my computer, so some chapters will have linequotes, others won’t. That just means I was afk while I read through them.
I would love to ramble on a lot longer, but this is already longer than a normal chapter is. Really good job you did there. Now I'm pumped for hh2. And your artworks, because they are always a treat
Cheers -- blue!
Also, 2778! Now I know your secret muhahaha
So, I did it! I binged hh over the course of a single day. Damn, that shit is addicting. And it was by far not as gruesome as I thought it would be. It was a lot more on the sad side, actually. I get you when you say that you’re stuck at a very hard scene in the rewrite. Everything in the last third feels very hard.
I took quotes as long as I was on my computer, so some chapters will have linequotes, others won’t. That just means I was afk while I read through them.
Alternate Prologue
Red disposes of a body via magic. He carts it through the woods and gets unwanted company in the form of a murkrow.
He thinks about how he’s going to explain what he’s doing if someone finds him carrying around a body-sized bag suspicious. And gives a little expose about the day of ascension.
Chapter 1: Just Another Day
We follow Red, a Neet, through a normal day. He normally gets up at 9am, exercises and then waits for the day to end. He is incredibly bored by this, but he forces himself to wait between his murders to not arise any suspicion.
In the kitchen, he meets Fonz and Helix, and scolds himself extensively for still caring for Helix. Abe reminds him of his psych appointment later that day and gives him a shopping list.
Red goes to the supermarket and again finds himself at a loss about how to deal with Helix. At the check-out, he mulls about all the sheeple who have gotten way too comfy in their society and will do nothing to fight for themselves. A baby starts screaming and he is even more repulsed that nobody does anything against it. He is so repulsed, that he doesn’t do shit either. Instead, he hallucinates how he runs amok right here and now. When he snaps out of it, he is briefly concerned, but shrugs it off.
Outside, he meets Joanna’s brother handing him a missing persons flyer and Red revels in the knowledge of what he did to his sister and the pain he caused her and him.
He goes to the graveyard and thinks about killing people some more, then he spots a yamask with a familiar face.
Chapter 2: The Forest
Much to Red’s shock, the yamask wears Joanna’s face. A young girl then approaches the ghost and introduces herself as Michi. She calms the ghost and leads her to a hut in the forest. Red follows them.
He comes to the conclusion that this ghost will sooner or later remember who killed her and then he’s in danger. So he has to get rid of it asap. Michi seems to be more or less a street-kid.
As Red is about to leave, Michi confronts him. It is revealed that she is aura-sensitive, and also a little brat.
When Red is back home, getting rid of Joanna is his first priority. But then Abe drags him to his psych appointment.
Chapter 3: Analysis
Red is at the mental hospital, ironically out of touch with his condition. He is dead set on presenting normal and continuing his life. Has a scary encounter with a spider.
Doctor is a lot more savvy than he expected. She probes him a bit, then asks about helix and Red almost loses it. He excuses himself out by pretending to have a headache.
He makes his way to the library, where he bitches a bit about the renovation and then finds some ways to kill a yamask.
At home, he hides his aura via magic and packs his murder-pack to take care of Joanna once and for all.
Chapter 4: Life
Red lures Michi (who is still distrustful of him and his hidden aura) under false pretences to him, than incapacitates her and brings her to the shed in the woods. On the way there, he loudly talks about Him and how great He and Red are.
Threatening to kill Michi, he gets the yamask to come out and hand him its mask. Red puts it on and almost chokes to death. He has something akin to a horror trip, but he manages to kill Joanna’s ghost.
Chapter 5: Death
The horror-trip of wearing a yamask-mask continues for a bit, then Red decides to take care of Michi. He plans to wipe her memories with a spell and then let her go.
But when he sees her, he decides to spice things up by first hunting her down. He gives her a head start and feels really good about himself. When hunting her down, his heightened state only grows – he feels like he physically becomes a predator.
When he snaps back to reality, he notices that he has choked her to unconsciousness. He panics, because now he fears his mind-wipe will not be enough with the choke-marks still visible. He suffocates her by placing a tape over her nose (she is already gagged.)
He fantasises about gutting and eating her entrails while preparing a disappear-circle. He cuts her arm and drinks a bit of her blood and… definitely has an orgasm.
He hallucinates ascending, with the helixan king Kohath quite literally becoming one with him.
But then his hallucination ends and he is alone again and he feels worthless, realising that he is still mortal and his ascension (and maybe god) not real. He’s worried about his mental state, having lost control and hallucinating so often in a row, but doesn’t have anyone to talk with. But he turns it around and decides to expose himself more to humans, to practise his tolerance and control his hallucinations.
Chapter 6: Rebirth
He dreams of being a dragonair underwater, hunting. He has a jolly good time, until his prey is an omanyte and he panics again. Dream shifts. He is now at Joanna’s funeral and has to give a speech. People are sus of him, then the coffin comes to life as an iron maiden and people shove him inside on Michi’s command. He dies a horrible death.
Abe wakes him up, Red is wet from sweat. He goes to the bathroom and finds that he is bleeding all over. He concludes that he is still in a dream, rips his heart out and leaves it in the sink (sick!!!) and then returns to sleep.
When he is fully awake again, he dresses up in his dad’s clothes and goes out to socialise. At the beach he chats up a police-woman and is about the most creepy guy imaginable. Police-woman is saved by Samson, a missionary of Arceus. Red tries to destroy him with Facts and Logic but doesn’t even get to the facts. His pride is wounded, but he continues his exposure therapy.
Chapter 7: The Houndoom
Red returns home, but can’t stand to be around helix. He leaves under the pretence of going to the store, where he hallucinates that he has killed everybody. As he tries to wipe the blood off his hands, he gets thrown out for… indecent behaviour.
Back at home, he dreams of being chased by a cofagrius in the woods. Michi and Joanna confront him about his deeds, forcing him to either confess or die. Then he realises that this is a lucid dream and turns into a monster and eats her whole (somewhere on the internet, a vore fan is really getting off to that description o.o)
Chapter 8: Illness
Red feels miserable. Can’t eat, can’t drink, is afraid to sleep because of nightmares. He goes to see Dr Jordan regardless.
At the hospital, Red tries his best to appear normal, but panic is already close by. Then he sees a spider on Dr Jordan and suspects another one on him, making it harder and harder to concentrate. He tells her how he lost his shit when he saw Helix use a smartphone and he had a flashback to the twitch and his fear of technology. He somewhat admits to his violent tendencies. Dr Jordan tells him she currently goes with antisocial or sociopathy with him.
Red finally flips out over the spider that he has been hyperfocusing on the entire time and leaves the room in a panic.
Chapter 9: The Mareep
Red sees spiders everywhere. He runs, then tries to confront them, but breaks down, scratching all over. He snaps out of it, and a stranger guides him out of the hospital. He feels bad that he couldn’t take the spiders.
On his way to the busstop, the apocalypse starts. The ground opens up and it rains blood. He appears, and he is not happy with Red. He tells him what a failure he is and reveals that Joanna is the new bringer. He turns Red into a sheep and lets him run, while a horde of predators chase him down.
He makes it to his apartment, where Abe is. The hallucination ends, but Red can’t differentiate between episode and reality any longer. He grabs a kitchen knife in order to kill himself.
Red disposes of a body via magic. He carts it through the woods and gets unwanted company in the form of a murkrow.
He thinks about how he’s going to explain what he’s doing if someone finds him carrying around a body-sized bag suspicious. And gives a little expose about the day of ascension.
Chapter 1: Just Another Day
We follow Red, a Neet, through a normal day. He normally gets up at 9am, exercises and then waits for the day to end. He is incredibly bored by this, but he forces himself to wait between his murders to not arise any suspicion.
In the kitchen, he meets Fonz and Helix, and scolds himself extensively for still caring for Helix. Abe reminds him of his psych appointment later that day and gives him a shopping list.
Red goes to the supermarket and again finds himself at a loss about how to deal with Helix. At the check-out, he mulls about all the sheeple who have gotten way too comfy in their society and will do nothing to fight for themselves. A baby starts screaming and he is even more repulsed that nobody does anything against it. He is so repulsed, that he doesn’t do shit either. Instead, he hallucinates how he runs amok right here and now. When he snaps out of it, he is briefly concerned, but shrugs it off.
Outside, he meets Joanna’s brother handing him a missing persons flyer and Red revels in the knowledge of what he did to his sister and the pain he caused her and him.
He goes to the graveyard and thinks about killing people some more, then he spots a yamask with a familiar face.
Chapter 2: The Forest
Much to Red’s shock, the yamask wears Joanna’s face. A young girl then approaches the ghost and introduces herself as Michi. She calms the ghost and leads her to a hut in the forest. Red follows them.
He comes to the conclusion that this ghost will sooner or later remember who killed her and then he’s in danger. So he has to get rid of it asap. Michi seems to be more or less a street-kid.
As Red is about to leave, Michi confronts him. It is revealed that she is aura-sensitive, and also a little brat.
When Red is back home, getting rid of Joanna is his first priority. But then Abe drags him to his psych appointment.
Chapter 3: Analysis
Red is at the mental hospital, ironically out of touch with his condition. He is dead set on presenting normal and continuing his life. Has a scary encounter with a spider.
Doctor is a lot more savvy than he expected. She probes him a bit, then asks about helix and Red almost loses it. He excuses himself out by pretending to have a headache.
He makes his way to the library, where he bitches a bit about the renovation and then finds some ways to kill a yamask.
At home, he hides his aura via magic and packs his murder-pack to take care of Joanna once and for all.
Chapter 4: Life
Red lures Michi (who is still distrustful of him and his hidden aura) under false pretences to him, than incapacitates her and brings her to the shed in the woods. On the way there, he loudly talks about Him and how great He and Red are.
Threatening to kill Michi, he gets the yamask to come out and hand him its mask. Red puts it on and almost chokes to death. He has something akin to a horror trip, but he manages to kill Joanna’s ghost.
Chapter 5: Death
The horror-trip of wearing a yamask-mask continues for a bit, then Red decides to take care of Michi. He plans to wipe her memories with a spell and then let her go.
But when he sees her, he decides to spice things up by first hunting her down. He gives her a head start and feels really good about himself. When hunting her down, his heightened state only grows – he feels like he physically becomes a predator.
When he snaps back to reality, he notices that he has choked her to unconsciousness. He panics, because now he fears his mind-wipe will not be enough with the choke-marks still visible. He suffocates her by placing a tape over her nose (she is already gagged.)
He fantasises about gutting and eating her entrails while preparing a disappear-circle. He cuts her arm and drinks a bit of her blood and… definitely has an orgasm.
He hallucinates ascending, with the helixan king Kohath quite literally becoming one with him.
But then his hallucination ends and he is alone again and he feels worthless, realising that he is still mortal and his ascension (and maybe god) not real. He’s worried about his mental state, having lost control and hallucinating so often in a row, but doesn’t have anyone to talk with. But he turns it around and decides to expose himself more to humans, to practise his tolerance and control his hallucinations.
Chapter 6: Rebirth
He dreams of being a dragonair underwater, hunting. He has a jolly good time, until his prey is an omanyte and he panics again. Dream shifts. He is now at Joanna’s funeral and has to give a speech. People are sus of him, then the coffin comes to life as an iron maiden and people shove him inside on Michi’s command. He dies a horrible death.
Abe wakes him up, Red is wet from sweat. He goes to the bathroom and finds that he is bleeding all over. He concludes that he is still in a dream, rips his heart out and leaves it in the sink (sick!!!) and then returns to sleep.
When he is fully awake again, he dresses up in his dad’s clothes and goes out to socialise. At the beach he chats up a police-woman and is about the most creepy guy imaginable. Police-woman is saved by Samson, a missionary of Arceus. Red tries to destroy him with Facts and Logic but doesn’t even get to the facts. His pride is wounded, but he continues his exposure therapy.
Chapter 7: The Houndoom
Red returns home, but can’t stand to be around helix. He leaves under the pretence of going to the store, where he hallucinates that he has killed everybody. As he tries to wipe the blood off his hands, he gets thrown out for… indecent behaviour.
Back at home, he dreams of being chased by a cofagrius in the woods. Michi and Joanna confront him about his deeds, forcing him to either confess or die. Then he realises that this is a lucid dream and turns into a monster and eats her whole (somewhere on the internet, a vore fan is really getting off to that description o.o)
Chapter 8: Illness
Red feels miserable. Can’t eat, can’t drink, is afraid to sleep because of nightmares. He goes to see Dr Jordan regardless.
At the hospital, Red tries his best to appear normal, but panic is already close by. Then he sees a spider on Dr Jordan and suspects another one on him, making it harder and harder to concentrate. He tells her how he lost his shit when he saw Helix use a smartphone and he had a flashback to the twitch and his fear of technology. He somewhat admits to his violent tendencies. Dr Jordan tells him she currently goes with antisocial or sociopathy with him.
Red finally flips out over the spider that he has been hyperfocusing on the entire time and leaves the room in a panic.
Chapter 9: The Mareep
Red sees spiders everywhere. He runs, then tries to confront them, but breaks down, scratching all over. He snaps out of it, and a stranger guides him out of the hospital. He feels bad that he couldn’t take the spiders.
On his way to the busstop, the apocalypse starts. The ground opens up and it rains blood. He appears, and he is not happy with Red. He tells him what a failure he is and reveals that Joanna is the new bringer. He turns Red into a sheep and lets him run, while a horde of predators chase him down.
He makes it to his apartment, where Abe is. The hallucination ends, but Red can’t differentiate between episode and reality any longer. He grabs a kitchen knife in order to kill himself.
Psychological Horror. Oh. Boy. That was one ride. What can I say, it was really really great. And so sad seeing him deteriorate. It started out like a simple enough story (objective: Kill ghost), but in the end, it went full American Psycho. And I love the movie.
But unlike American Psycho, here, I could almost always tell when he was hallucinating. Which made it even worse, because I always knew what he saw vs what other people around him must be seeing.
I think you depicted Red and his issues in a very realistic way. His internal monologue is gold, but also very reasonable in its own little bubble. Red makes sense from start to finish, on his own twisted terms.
Stream of consciousness narration. Like I said, his comments are gold. He isn’t likeable, but he is a lot of fun. Especially in the first few chapters, his internal snaps at other people and things are what save him from going full Elliot Rodger. And later, the amount of things that go through his head between single sentences of a conversation show how much his thoughts are racing.
I didn’t know hh was 1st person, but I think it works really well. Also, I can understand your comment about 1st person narration on 26y a lot better now :D
The visuals. (Aside from your many many artworks with juuuust the right amount of himbo-energy to keep me interested.) The entire fic “feels” cold and lonely, kinda like scandinavian drama (or the first twilight movie, which actually had rad visuals for its budget!) This really fits the narrative and the theme of Red being lonely and misunderstood. The cover you’re currently displaying is surreal, and though I don’t particularly link this image to the fic, it perfectly hints at the cosmic and body horror aspects that are in here. The world is strangely close to the real world, to the point where pokemon actually stick out for their existence. I think it’ll do great as an original work. Especially when Red’s favourite tentacly friend gets replaced by a cat.
The themes. I know we always joke that hh is about a serial murder turned cannibal, but now that I actually read it, I’d say it’s about a very ill human who has a psychotic break and also happens to be a serial killer. And damn, do the psychological themes slap. I’m a sucker for them, if I haven’t made that clear enough in the last few points. You handle them well, you handle the murdering well, everything checks out! Big Like from me!
The alternate prologue. I read the original one back when you uploaded it to AO3, and I still have a vague memory of it. For some reason, I thought that was already the trimmed down version of events for the faint of heart, so you can imagine my surprise when I got to the alternate prologue. I like it a lot better than what I remember. I think it also sets expectations a bit better. The alternate prologue feels a lot more like the rest of the story – being in the woods, sarcastic Red (who still has more or less all his marbles). The original one is by far the most gory section of the entire narration. There is little “real” blood mentioned anywhere else in the story.
And even without the comparison – now looking back, I like it a lot. It is short, breezy, a very good exposition and introduction to Reds character and the lore. The way the story starts out with Joana and ends with her makes it feel really really self-contained. And him being terrified about something with his brain being not okay is a solid foreshadowing. Love that.
Way less gore than expected. Maybe that difference just applies for me – but there was very little actual murder going on. The horror in this entire fic comes from watching a mind deteriorate, which happens to include a lot of blood, but nobody save for Red gets to suffer. There is, of course, Michi’s murder and Joanna’s re-murder, which do totally count, but they are not described in “fetishising detail.” Quite the opposite, really. Michi’s actual death doesn’t even happen “on screen” as Red doesn’t witness it.
The hospital and Dr Jordan. I liked your depiction of the mental health sector a lot. Very realistic and non-threatening. Dr Jordan is competent and also empathic, and the questions she asks are very much like they do in real life. Also, major kudos on keeping those scenes straight. I couldn’t pull her off while also handling Red’s ramblings and delusions. Often I was reminded about how much he only said in his head when she asked a somewhat normal question.
The only thing that was a bit off was that someone guided him out of the hospital. From my experience, when you find a person lying on the floor and scratching themselves in a psychiatric facility, clearly having a psychotic episode, you’d call a nurse. They then would call a doctor, who would send Red to the ER – if necessary with force. A hospital can contain a person against their will if they are a danger to themselves or others. And a psychotic break usually qualifies. If he can’t calm down on his own, he’d be given either tranquillisers or a strong antipsychotic. But then we wouldn’t get the last two scenes, and that would be a loss. But I was internally screaming ‘no! Go back!’ with every step Red went further away from the hospital.
(Other minor nitpicks here: only two weeks for an appointment?! And a doctor in a hospital treating non-hospitalised patients is rather rare. That’s usually what ambulant doctors do. At least over here)
But unlike American Psycho, here, I could almost always tell when he was hallucinating. Which made it even worse, because I always knew what he saw vs what other people around him must be seeing.
I think you depicted Red and his issues in a very realistic way. His internal monologue is gold, but also very reasonable in its own little bubble. Red makes sense from start to finish, on his own twisted terms.
Stream of consciousness narration. Like I said, his comments are gold. He isn’t likeable, but he is a lot of fun. Especially in the first few chapters, his internal snaps at other people and things are what save him from going full Elliot Rodger. And later, the amount of things that go through his head between single sentences of a conversation show how much his thoughts are racing.
I didn’t know hh was 1st person, but I think it works really well. Also, I can understand your comment about 1st person narration on 26y a lot better now :D
The visuals. (Aside from your many many artworks with juuuust the right amount of himbo-energy to keep me interested.) The entire fic “feels” cold and lonely, kinda like scandinavian drama (or the first twilight movie, which actually had rad visuals for its budget!) This really fits the narrative and the theme of Red being lonely and misunderstood. The cover you’re currently displaying is surreal, and though I don’t particularly link this image to the fic, it perfectly hints at the cosmic and body horror aspects that are in here. The world is strangely close to the real world, to the point where pokemon actually stick out for their existence. I think it’ll do great as an original work. Especially when Red’s favourite tentacly friend gets replaced by a cat.
The themes. I know we always joke that hh is about a serial murder turned cannibal, but now that I actually read it, I’d say it’s about a very ill human who has a psychotic break and also happens to be a serial killer. And damn, do the psychological themes slap. I’m a sucker for them, if I haven’t made that clear enough in the last few points. You handle them well, you handle the murdering well, everything checks out! Big Like from me!
The alternate prologue. I read the original one back when you uploaded it to AO3, and I still have a vague memory of it. For some reason, I thought that was already the trimmed down version of events for the faint of heart, so you can imagine my surprise when I got to the alternate prologue. I like it a lot better than what I remember. I think it also sets expectations a bit better. The alternate prologue feels a lot more like the rest of the story – being in the woods, sarcastic Red (who still has more or less all his marbles). The original one is by far the most gory section of the entire narration. There is little “real” blood mentioned anywhere else in the story.
And even without the comparison – now looking back, I like it a lot. It is short, breezy, a very good exposition and introduction to Reds character and the lore. The way the story starts out with Joana and ends with her makes it feel really really self-contained. And him being terrified about something with his brain being not okay is a solid foreshadowing. Love that.
Way less gore than expected. Maybe that difference just applies for me – but there was very little actual murder going on. The horror in this entire fic comes from watching a mind deteriorate, which happens to include a lot of blood, but nobody save for Red gets to suffer. There is, of course, Michi’s murder and Joanna’s re-murder, which do totally count, but they are not described in “fetishising detail.” Quite the opposite, really. Michi’s actual death doesn’t even happen “on screen” as Red doesn’t witness it.
The hospital and Dr Jordan. I liked your depiction of the mental health sector a lot. Very realistic and non-threatening. Dr Jordan is competent and also empathic, and the questions she asks are very much like they do in real life. Also, major kudos on keeping those scenes straight. I couldn’t pull her off while also handling Red’s ramblings and delusions. Often I was reminded about how much he only said in his head when she asked a somewhat normal question.
The only thing that was a bit off was that someone guided him out of the hospital. From my experience, when you find a person lying on the floor and scratching themselves in a psychiatric facility, clearly having a psychotic episode, you’d call a nurse. They then would call a doctor, who would send Red to the ER – if necessary with force. A hospital can contain a person against their will if they are a danger to themselves or others. And a psychotic break usually qualifies. If he can’t calm down on his own, he’d be given either tranquillisers or a strong antipsychotic. But then we wouldn’t get the last two scenes, and that would be a loss. But I was internally screaming ‘no! Go back!’ with every step Red went further away from the hospital.
(Other minor nitpicks here: only two weeks for an appointment?! And a doctor in a hospital treating non-hospitalised patients is rather rare. That’s usually what ambulant doctors do. At least over here)
Pacing in the beginning. Chapter 1 and 2 dragged imo. Or maybe it took these two chapters for me to get used to the narrative style. But for me, the story found it’s groove starting with Red in the waiting room of the clinic and encountering the spider. From there on, everything flows swiftly and there’s almost no room to decompress any more. I was a bit annoyed by the out of left field theatre references in the beginning of ch4, but starting with him setting Michi “free”, I wasn’t able to put the story down any longer.
I don’t really know why the first two chapters suffer a bit. My guesses are that ch1 has a lot of things happening. They all reveal certain aspects of Red’s character, but they are also hard to keep track of after a while. It feels like three chapters by the time he reaches the graveyard. Maybe shelving the breakfast scene would help? His distress about helix comes through in the supermarket quite a bit.
Chapter 2 I think only suffers from it being really awkward. Red listens to Michi’s and Joanna’s convo without a problem, and for a long period of time, but they just don’t take any notice. It’s almost like he becomes a 3rd person narrator at this point. And later, in the woods, he remembers his bags, which were completely dropped the entire chapter. I still don’t know if he stalked a girl with 100$ worth of groceries or if he left them at the graveyard.
Chapter 4, first half, has these theatre references that were not built up so far (Red doesn’t take specific interest in theatre). And him monologuing a lot felt a bit supervillain-y, to the point where I expected for something to go wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that actually nothing went wrong – well, at least not the things I expected. But overall, the pacing here was really nice. And from there it’s just a breeze.
Some vital background info is lacking. So, I know the basics of tpp, like, the basic lore and the team and the nicknames and stuff, but I feel there is a lot of tpp story, especially the lategame, that I was missing here.
For example, I did not know what happened at Mt Silver and it is never explained. Now, things don’t need to be explained in detail — I know that something happened and now he doesn’t see Helix as My Lord any longer. But since it’s kinda vital to his worship of Him, at least the aftermath would have been interesting.
A brief explanation about the Helixans would have also been nice. The fic only mentions that they are a bronze-age civilisation, and that being Helixan makes you better. Kinda like the spartans? But I know you have tons of wb on them, and I found none of it here. It wasn’t really necessary for understanding the story, but I think it would be nice to dive a bit deeper into Red’s delusions.
The twitch, which is never really explained. He talks about it in ch8 and that was really vital. But before, if I hadn’t known what the twitch is, I would have been at a total loss. When he opens up about it in ch8, it almost recontextualizes his behaviour. But then again, it seems to be a widely accepted phenomenon, so why doesn’t he get more help?
Now, none of that really made a ton of difference while reading. It’s just something to keep in mind for the original version I guess.
Worldbuilding unclear. Kiiinda ties into the point above, mainly with the twitch. If it is such a widely accepted phenomenon, why isn’t Red getting more help for what happened? And how come Red lives with his step-brother but not with his mother and Abe’s father?
But my main hiccup is with the pokemon. Fonz can talk and goes to work, helix goes to school and has a girlfriend over, but he can’t talk. The pidgey that “can” talk as well as the murkrow have bird-intellect. Generally, it was all over the place and I do not understand how the pokemon in this world work. Not that it is really important, but I can tell you that I was puzzled for way longer than healthy if Red’s mom had been turned into a Nidoking.
I don’t really know why the first two chapters suffer a bit. My guesses are that ch1 has a lot of things happening. They all reveal certain aspects of Red’s character, but they are also hard to keep track of after a while. It feels like three chapters by the time he reaches the graveyard. Maybe shelving the breakfast scene would help? His distress about helix comes through in the supermarket quite a bit.
Chapter 2 I think only suffers from it being really awkward. Red listens to Michi’s and Joanna’s convo without a problem, and for a long period of time, but they just don’t take any notice. It’s almost like he becomes a 3rd person narrator at this point. And later, in the woods, he remembers his bags, which were completely dropped the entire chapter. I still don’t know if he stalked a girl with 100$ worth of groceries or if he left them at the graveyard.
Chapter 4, first half, has these theatre references that were not built up so far (Red doesn’t take specific interest in theatre). And him monologuing a lot felt a bit supervillain-y, to the point where I expected for something to go wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that actually nothing went wrong – well, at least not the things I expected. But overall, the pacing here was really nice. And from there it’s just a breeze.
Some vital background info is lacking. So, I know the basics of tpp, like, the basic lore and the team and the nicknames and stuff, but I feel there is a lot of tpp story, especially the lategame, that I was missing here.
For example, I did not know what happened at Mt Silver and it is never explained. Now, things don’t need to be explained in detail — I know that something happened and now he doesn’t see Helix as My Lord any longer. But since it’s kinda vital to his worship of Him, at least the aftermath would have been interesting.
A brief explanation about the Helixans would have also been nice. The fic only mentions that they are a bronze-age civilisation, and that being Helixan makes you better. Kinda like the spartans? But I know you have tons of wb on them, and I found none of it here. It wasn’t really necessary for understanding the story, but I think it would be nice to dive a bit deeper into Red’s delusions.
The twitch, which is never really explained. He talks about it in ch8 and that was really vital. But before, if I hadn’t known what the twitch is, I would have been at a total loss. When he opens up about it in ch8, it almost recontextualizes his behaviour. But then again, it seems to be a widely accepted phenomenon, so why doesn’t he get more help?
Now, none of that really made a ton of difference while reading. It’s just something to keep in mind for the original version I guess.
Worldbuilding unclear. Kiiinda ties into the point above, mainly with the twitch. If it is such a widely accepted phenomenon, why isn’t Red getting more help for what happened? And how come Red lives with his step-brother but not with his mother and Abe’s father?
But my main hiccup is with the pokemon. Fonz can talk and goes to work, helix goes to school and has a girlfriend over, but he can’t talk. The pidgey that “can” talk as well as the murkrow have bird-intellect. Generally, it was all over the place and I do not understand how the pokemon in this world work. Not that it is really important, but I can tell you that I was puzzled for way longer than healthy if Red’s mom had been turned into a Nidoking.
First of all, I’ll say that I feel deeply sorry for Red. As in, he is a horrible person and should be punished, but he is clearly suffering from his mental health a lot. Like, he is punished in one way or another, but he’s definitely not regretting anything he did. He’s just suffering.
Right from the beginning, it is clear that he is still scattered from the twitch. He lost control over his body for a year, no wonder he desperately wants to regain control, and if that means serving a god of chaos so he can rule over the world in the end. With him being too afraid to use any kind of technology, he is basically excluded from 70% of jobs and with that society. And for some reason, he hasn’t been to any facility for anything that has happened to him, even though it is a widely known condition and his breakdown was also public. In one way, he is justified in his hatred of the system/society, but not for the reasons he thinks.
Him struggling to find a reason to get out of bed hit really home for me. I can totally understand finding everything so deeply pointless and boring. And I hate calling that feeling “boredom” or “laziness”, but that’s what it boils down to, according to people I talk to at least. I totally get him there. On a very personal level. It’s probably a sign of depression, and considering how estranged he feels from a society and family that doesn’t understand or accept him, these feelings are understandable.
He can’t relate to other people. To him, they are strange and don’t make sense, or are an object to be dissected. And yet he has to function in their society and play by their rules, because that’s the system he was born into. He feels distinctly different from them – in his mind, he is part of an old race, which makes him better than them. (re his hatred for the system: don’t think I missed the time he tried to cite the law, a thing that’s very much society-related, when people were about to kill him in the iron maiden – the iron-y)
To me, he reads a lot like a vulnerable narcissist with schizophrenia. He has an inflated sense of self-worth (he’s inherently better than everyone around him) and relates a lot of things to himself that aren’t (the weather has gotten bad just to torment him). He feels like the world is out to get him (see weather) and that it owes him (“that bus better come”) for ignoring his greatness and all the terrible things it has done to him.
Though his ego is also very vulnerable. He thinks highly of himself, but that ego is not safe from self-doubts. His self-worth is completely built on his position of High Priest and the approval of his god. So as soon as he does something that He might disapprove of, Red’s entire ego goes down the drain.
To me, it also seems that he doesn’t derive any pleasure from killing. He says He has stolen his kills from him by taking over his body. And yet, with the one murder he commits himself, he doesn’t even look at his victim when she dies. Taping her nostrils shut is not of importance to him whatsoever. So my theory is that he isn’t killing for pleasure, he’s killing solely for getting approval from Him. Which makes a big difference should he ever get on antipsychotics.
Red has a deep deep Deep fear of abandonment. Like, that’s again a thing that hit very hard to me. His sense of self-worth being entirely dependent on Him is only one part in this, I think. He seems to has suffered a heavy loss with helix once, to the point where he now doesn’t allow himself to feel any emotions towards him. He says that it’s His word, but since He probably being an extension of his subconscious, it’s probably a safety mechanism for him to not get too attached to anything. Also, with what he told Dr Jordan about the twitch and the general horror of losing control over your body, being very insecure and not wanting to be left behind by the persons he trusts is totally understandable.
He can’t empathise with other people. He does not feel shame or remorse or even pain when he inflicts it. He can’t even understand why Abe would ever care for him. This can be a sign of a lot of disorders, narcissism, socio- and/or psychopathy all share that.
He does however deeply care for Helix. At first I was a bit befuddled by this, but then I realised that he doesn’t empathise with Helix either. He does not consider his feelings. And when he does, he does so to gauge an outcome for himself. But Helix seems to have hit some chords with him. From the memories, I’d say he’d gotten Helix at a very low point during the twitch and the sweet sweet little omanyte just caught his heart. He was something he could protect and fed into his desperate need for control.
As to his schizophrenia — my theory is that the entire god-spiel is an early manifestation of that. He clearly has a lot of hallucinations and a very fleeting sense of self-worth. In comes a god that made him his chosen, explaining why he is so different, even stronger than other people. He is yet another defence mechanism he subconsciously came up with to deal with the trauma of the twitch and that perfectly fed into his schizophrenic predisposition. Since this is strongly genetic, maybe his dad’s disappearance wasn’t just simply him ditching his son.
His fursona getting the better of him seems to also become more of a problem the less connected to his god he feels. The Houndoom might be a manifestation of his violent tendencies, but also seems to be a distinct part, separate from his personality. Possibly an image for his psychotic episode.
I liked the way his hallucinations perfectly played into his fears — especially the hospital clerk becoming a predator while he is reduced to a sheep.
Since we talked about criminal culpability a few days ago: Red be held responsible for Michi’s death. He knew right from wrong and clearly knew that his actions would end in her death. Especially since he snapped out of it and then made the conscious decision to kill her. He can be convicted in a court of law, but he is currently not able to start his sentence. He’d be sent to a mental facility until he gets better. His stay there may or may not count against his sentence.
Bottom line: I really like Red, even though he’s an ass. You depicted him very very well and made his struggle understandable. He clearly is a character with a lot of layers. Also, schizophrenia is something I don’t have an intimate understanding of, so I can only rationalise here… But I always like being in the head of someone with an issue I don’t get, because hey, new perspective.
Also. Elliot Rodger, the supreme gentleman. I once took the four hours or so to listen to an audiobook version of his manifest (it’s on youtube, in case you don’t already know it). Red talks a LOT like him. The entire narcissism side of their characters, together with wanting to violently retort against society that has, in their eyes, wronged them is eerily similar. Even the time Red gave himself and society a last chance by exposing himself to and interacting with it is a thing that Rodger did quite often, actually. Though, Red is a lot more fun to listen to. Rodger is just miserable.
The entire thing with the cannibalism reminded me a lot of the stories about wendigos or skinwalkers. Skinwalkers are a bit of a touchy subject, since they shouldn’t be talked about outside the Navajo tribes. But wendigos have a similar background, which is a humanoid that became a superpowered monster after consuming the meat of other humans. It’s said that they are the result of cautionary tales to not consume meat of the same species, since this usually leads to degenerative diseases. .
Right from the beginning, it is clear that he is still scattered from the twitch. He lost control over his body for a year, no wonder he desperately wants to regain control, and if that means serving a god of chaos so he can rule over the world in the end. With him being too afraid to use any kind of technology, he is basically excluded from 70% of jobs and with that society. And for some reason, he hasn’t been to any facility for anything that has happened to him, even though it is a widely known condition and his breakdown was also public. In one way, he is justified in his hatred of the system/society, but not for the reasons he thinks.
Him struggling to find a reason to get out of bed hit really home for me. I can totally understand finding everything so deeply pointless and boring. And I hate calling that feeling “boredom” or “laziness”, but that’s what it boils down to, according to people I talk to at least. I totally get him there. On a very personal level. It’s probably a sign of depression, and considering how estranged he feels from a society and family that doesn’t understand or accept him, these feelings are understandable.
He can’t relate to other people. To him, they are strange and don’t make sense, or are an object to be dissected. And yet he has to function in their society and play by their rules, because that’s the system he was born into. He feels distinctly different from them – in his mind, he is part of an old race, which makes him better than them. (re his hatred for the system: don’t think I missed the time he tried to cite the law, a thing that’s very much society-related, when people were about to kill him in the iron maiden – the iron-y)
To me, he reads a lot like a vulnerable narcissist with schizophrenia. He has an inflated sense of self-worth (he’s inherently better than everyone around him) and relates a lot of things to himself that aren’t (the weather has gotten bad just to torment him). He feels like the world is out to get him (see weather) and that it owes him (“that bus better come”) for ignoring his greatness and all the terrible things it has done to him.
Though his ego is also very vulnerable. He thinks highly of himself, but that ego is not safe from self-doubts. His self-worth is completely built on his position of High Priest and the approval of his god. So as soon as he does something that He might disapprove of, Red’s entire ego goes down the drain.
To me, it also seems that he doesn’t derive any pleasure from killing. He says He has stolen his kills from him by taking over his body. And yet, with the one murder he commits himself, he doesn’t even look at his victim when she dies. Taping her nostrils shut is not of importance to him whatsoever. So my theory is that he isn’t killing for pleasure, he’s killing solely for getting approval from Him. Which makes a big difference should he ever get on antipsychotics.
Red has a deep deep Deep fear of abandonment. Like, that’s again a thing that hit very hard to me. His sense of self-worth being entirely dependent on Him is only one part in this, I think. He seems to has suffered a heavy loss with helix once, to the point where he now doesn’t allow himself to feel any emotions towards him. He says that it’s His word, but since He probably being an extension of his subconscious, it’s probably a safety mechanism for him to not get too attached to anything. Also, with what he told Dr Jordan about the twitch and the general horror of losing control over your body, being very insecure and not wanting to be left behind by the persons he trusts is totally understandable.
He can’t empathise with other people. He does not feel shame or remorse or even pain when he inflicts it. He can’t even understand why Abe would ever care for him. This can be a sign of a lot of disorders, narcissism, socio- and/or psychopathy all share that.
He does however deeply care for Helix. At first I was a bit befuddled by this, but then I realised that he doesn’t empathise with Helix either. He does not consider his feelings. And when he does, he does so to gauge an outcome for himself. But Helix seems to have hit some chords with him. From the memories, I’d say he’d gotten Helix at a very low point during the twitch and the sweet sweet little omanyte just caught his heart. He was something he could protect and fed into his desperate need for control.
As to his schizophrenia — my theory is that the entire god-spiel is an early manifestation of that. He clearly has a lot of hallucinations and a very fleeting sense of self-worth. In comes a god that made him his chosen, explaining why he is so different, even stronger than other people. He is yet another defence mechanism he subconsciously came up with to deal with the trauma of the twitch and that perfectly fed into his schizophrenic predisposition. Since this is strongly genetic, maybe his dad’s disappearance wasn’t just simply him ditching his son.
His fursona getting the better of him seems to also become more of a problem the less connected to his god he feels. The Houndoom might be a manifestation of his violent tendencies, but also seems to be a distinct part, separate from his personality. Possibly an image for his psychotic episode.
I liked the way his hallucinations perfectly played into his fears — especially the hospital clerk becoming a predator while he is reduced to a sheep.
Since we talked about criminal culpability a few days ago: Red be held responsible for Michi’s death. He knew right from wrong and clearly knew that his actions would end in her death. Especially since he snapped out of it and then made the conscious decision to kill her. He can be convicted in a court of law, but he is currently not able to start his sentence. He’d be sent to a mental facility until he gets better. His stay there may or may not count against his sentence.
Bottom line: I really like Red, even though he’s an ass. You depicted him very very well and made his struggle understandable. He clearly is a character with a lot of layers. Also, schizophrenia is something I don’t have an intimate understanding of, so I can only rationalise here… But I always like being in the head of someone with an issue I don’t get, because hey, new perspective.
Also. Elliot Rodger, the supreme gentleman. I once took the four hours or so to listen to an audiobook version of his manifest (it’s on youtube, in case you don’t already know it). Red talks a LOT like him. The entire narcissism side of their characters, together with wanting to violently retort against society that has, in their eyes, wronged them is eerily similar. Even the time Red gave himself and society a last chance by exposing himself to and interacting with it is a thing that Rodger did quite often, actually. Though, Red is a lot more fun to listen to. Rodger is just miserable.
The entire thing with the cannibalism reminded me a lot of the stories about wendigos or skinwalkers. Skinwalkers are a bit of a touchy subject, since they shouldn’t be talked about outside the Navajo tribes. But wendigos have a similar background, which is a humanoid that became a superpowered monster after consuming the meat of other humans. It’s said that they are the result of cautionary tales to not consume meat of the same species, since this usually leads to degenerative diseases. .
I would love to ramble on a lot longer, but this is already longer than a normal chapter is. Really good job you did there. Now I'm pumped for hh2. And your artworks, because they are always a treat
Cheers -- blue!
Mate -- how much have you bought???
Also, 2778! Now I know your secret muhahaha
Can't see that going wrong in any way, shape or form...
Yeah. The trauma of googling "cute tentacly creature" with safesearch off.
Yeah, you're the one to talk...
Exactly the thoughts you want the person next to you in the mental hospital to have
:big_eyes:
The first two sentences are double.
... the evil villain monologue... nothing will go wrong...
HELL YEA
