• Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon Heroes After All

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
Haha, I appreciate your intro line for Chapter 2. How DOES Aura work, anyway? Again, I haven't read any Aura Guardian fics, so this is all new information to me.

"Before you kids all crawl off to your barracks and attempt to get comfy," said Polly, "I've been put in charge of giving you a rundown of what you're here for, so sit your asses tight until I'm done!"


Aaron gulped.


"She said a bad word..." whispered one of the children.


"So," said Polly. "Can any of you brats tell me what Aura is?"


Lol! Poor innocent Aaron. He's such a cinnamon roll. Also, Polly may be gruff, and I don't love her decision to humiliate Aaron in front of everyone, but I still get the feeling I'll come to like her more and more.

"About humans!"


Riolu blinked. "What are those?"


Ginji shrugged. "On the immediately visible end, not much. Weird two-legged apes that aren't even Pokemon and only rarely even know any attacks of like... Four types. Some more cynical Pokemon say Arceus messed up some perfectly good monkey mons."

Hahaha what a great line. And it provides some insight that isn't usually touched upon - how DO Pokemon view humans? I mean, humans are pretty drastically different from Pokemon, so it would make sense that they're viewed as odd or even ugly and useless by some. xD

Ginji grabbed a stick and started drawing in the dirt. "Long ago, humans first came to this world, and they and Pokemon were divided. Then one day, in the Sinnoh region, there was a great meeting! One where humans and Pokemon came to terms, and decided to help and not hurt one another."


By now he had drawn a circle in the dirt.


"This agreement was known as The Vow; a promise to work toward humans and Pokemon being stronger together than apart."

Lore time, lore time!


"Anyway!" said Callie to Aaron. "Do you have a Pokemon?"


"Me?" said Aaron. "I don't... Always wanted one but could never make friends with one..."


"Mabye they just don't like your personality," said Louis.
"Well, if you weren't with us in the freak club before you certainly are now," said Louis.

OMG. I love Louis already, haha. I have a soft spot for the grumpy/blunt characters, and you write him so well. He also reminds me of Ray from The Promised Neverland, if you’ve ever seen that anime. (And if you haven’t, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend it! Anyways. Moving on….)


The Buneary gave a yell and tried to dodge, but the Force Palm managed to connect, causing them to fall over. Riolu recoiled from the empathic feedback, but pounced on the Buneary as they screamed, attempting to bite their throat. The Buneary suddenly gave a kick with their powerful legs and flipped the grappling Pokemon over so the Buneary was on top.


Instinctively, Riolu tried to kick the Buneary's side. Suddenly, Riolu's leg erupted into flame as he kicked the Buneary's torso with a sickening crack. The Buneary was sent flying with a pained scream before crashing, and trying to crawl and limp away. Riolu recovered from the empathetic shock and wondering what it was he'd even done before dashing over and giving a Force Palm straight to the Buneary's neck. He recoiled. The Buneary fell limp.


Riolu gasped and panted, clutching his body from the amount of feedback aches he felt. It was a while before he had recovered enough to slowly drag the Buneary out of the bushes.


Hmm, this is interesting! I've never thought about empathic energy playing into hunting before, but it makes sense. Also...how sad. I'm sure it's something that they get used to over time, but feeling the pain of your prey every time you hunt can't be very fun or pleasant…it could even be kind of traumatizing, honestly! But little Riolu adjusted surprisingly well, so that’s a relief.

Claws and teeth dug in, rending limbs in spurts of blood. Fire burnt into flesh, loosening it from bone.

Aight, I know I said I wasn’t a big fan of gore – which is still true -but this line is FANTASTIC. Very vivid, and definitely gives a proper sense of horror towards what’s happening here. Also…when I first read it, I thought it was just some mysterious, scary creature that attacked this Lucario out of the blue, but after reading it again…oh, no. Please tell me this wasn’t Riolu’s dad? And on that thought, even if it wasn’t Ginji, the fact that this involved fire might make the rest of the pack blame him anyways… OH NO.


Once again, good stuff here! I’m having a great time getting to know all of these new characters – they’re very distinct and have fun personalities, so I’m excited to get to know them more!
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
Back for more, let's get started!


Quickly she located Vince, who had just finished sorting some kids into their dorms. ~Vince?~ she said telepathically, ~Have you seen Polly?~


Kind of a side note, but maaaan, telepathy would be SO convenient. But also a pain in some ways, I imagine. Imagine having a friend who can speak telepathy but you can't. Oh boy. That would be frustrating.

From their staffs they summoned a Honchkrow and Gothitelle.

I know this is introduced in the movie, but I love seeing it used more often here! I'm curious, is this an age before pokeballs, or is the staff containment method just a specific Aura Guardian thing? Either way, I think it's super cool and love seeing it used.

Immediately Lovegood threw up a Protect. Henry dived in for a Night Slash as Vince conjured his own Night Slash blades. Carol hit the dragon's brain with a psychic assault while Ryan's Swampert and Ryan himself both hit it with Brick Breaks.


The dragon was pummeled by the group assault and let out another screech. Through the portal came several smaller purple creatures with spouts on their heads, and all sprayed toxic sludge in the direction of the Aura Guardians.


Vince cut through the incoming sludge with his blades, while Carol and Lovegood deflected it with psychic power. Ryan, his Swampert, and Henry weren't so lucky,being doused in sticky fluid.

A fight scene in which both humans and Pokemon are fighting? YES, please! I love fights like this, and sadly, I just don't see them very often in the world of Pokemon fics. It's refreshing and exciting to see it here, and to know that this will pretty much be a constant in the fights to come.

~Okay! Afterwards we can talk lesson plans!~ said Carol.

LOL, Carol just fought off a beast from another dimension and she's already back to planning lessons. I love it. I like her character already. Also, teachers in 2020 be like..."yeah the world's on fire, now next lesson."


It was then Aaron noticed a shadow looming overhead. With dread he looked up. There was a blonde boy with spiky hair standing on the head of a massive Onix above him, crossing his arms and giving a not exactly friendly smug smile down.

Oh, greaaaaat. Not only does the bully have a pokemon, but it just happens to be a massive ONIX, of all the things. Lovely. ALthough, it doesn't seem Onix is on board with this kid's shenanigans. Interesting dynamic, there.


"Why does she only talk like that?"



"She's mute," Louis said, whispering. "Can't speak with her mouth. Can't hear that well either. Something about an incident with a Pangoro. Don't know the rest, don't really care."


Oooh! A mute/partially deaf character? YES! I love the representation! This only serves to make me love Carol more!

Polly suddenly got in Aaron's face with a wicked grin. "They eat them!"


Aaron screamed. And screamed, and screamed, and screamed for an unusually long time until Polly said "Kid, relax, relax, they're not going to get you."



LOL Polly is such a troll, I love it. Meanwhile, poor Aaron is gonna be traumatized by her antics before long.


She and her Pokemon headed down the mountain, the children and their Pokemon heading after. Aaron followed along quietly for a while, then noticed another kid didn't have a Pokemon partner either. Aaron moved closer to him and noticed he not only had pink hair but pink clothes as well.

"Excuse me-"


The other child turned his head toward Aaron, holding a finger to his lips and winking. Aaron blinked. A Pokemon made a noise in the forest, causing Aaron's attention to turn to it briefly; when he turned back the other child was gone.

Oh HOLD UP, is this Mew?! Hahahaha I love it!! Mew is one of my favorite Pokemon of all time, so I'm excited to see them in action here! And I love the mischevious nature of Mew - this is going to be SO much fun!


"Right. By the time anyone sees or Aura Senses it it's too late, but scorch marks on the remains it leaves behind indicate it's a Fire type. Therefore..."


He pointed toward Ginji. "You're probably our best bet for taking it down."

Ginji pointed to himself. "Me? And I thought you all didn't want me doing anything important."


"Those are the ignorant words of my children and their mates. This pack is family. No matter what."


Rilou's mother beamed.The other Lucario mumbled amongst themselves.

Well, this is refreshing to see that not EVERYONE in the pack hates Ginji. If the leader seems to accept him, why doesn't everyone else? I also just noticed that Ginji is the only one with an official name, probably because he's the only one who has had a trainer. Nice detail!

However, I just KNOW this mission is not going to end well...someone is going to die, aren't they?



A yell echoed. Ginji stood at attention. Riolu's mother bolted upright.


"Riolu! Stay here!" said his mother.


"We'll take care of this!" said Ginji.


They bolted off.


Riolu, naturally, waited a bit before following.

Nope, nope, NOPE. This isn't going to end well, I just KNOW it -

Oh, never mind. I was wrong. I was so sure both of Riolu's parents were going to die here while he watched. Glad that wasn't the case!

It was then he noticed the ball had landed next to the disfigured corpses of an Aura Guardian and his Sawsbuck. The corpses had suffered various forms of abuse - fire, crushing, acid - and seemed relatively fresh. A Murkrow was in the process of plucking an eye from the Aura Guardian's skull and promptly swallowed it before eyeing Aaron warily.


Aaron stared in horror before vomiting the contents of his lunch earlier that day, forming a puddle next to the bodies, and after regaining his bearings slightly grabbing the ball and racing back to the monastery. As soon as he got back he haphazardly tossed the ball back to the other children - much to their confusion- before going to find Polly. Polly was reading on a bench in the monastery when Aaron found her. "Kid, what's up?" she said. "Why are you out of breath?"

Oh, YIKES. Poor Aaron is not going to forget that horrifying image for a long time. I'll be surprised if he doesn't end up having some sort of trauma from it.

Yep, called it. Not surprising he had a nightmare that night, but it doesn't seem like it was just ANY nightmare...hmm. What does Yveltal want with him?

Aaron jumped before realizing that the voice was not Yveltal's but that of Polly's Metagross next to him. ~Polly wanted me to check up on you after yesterday and, well, I always feel sorry for you humans easily.~

Haha I love Metagross, he has a fun personality. His dry sense of humor is enjoyable.

Ginji placed a talon on Riolu's paw. "Son... You're gonna do big things beyond this pack... I just know it.... Do... Me... Proud..."


"D-dad..."


Ginji said no more. He fell limp.

Well, FRICK. I saw this coming, but that doesn't make it any less depressing. Also, can we talk about the fact that Ginji SAVED a member of their pack, fought alongside them to get rid of the threat, literally DIED trying to keep them safe, and...they still reject his mate and son? So much for gratitude. Riolu can absolutely do better, and good riddance. Now go find Aaron, little guy!
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
Oh, hey. I'm back :D

I skipped over your bonus chapter as I wasn't sure it was a part of the story, and...I'm not familiar with FE, sadly. :( I hope that's ok!


Aaron was looking around the monastery, trying to find someone who could help him in his quest. Those he did find, however, either did not acknowledge him or said "sorry"or the like before moving on. Finally, however, he found Callie and Munchkin.
Callie eventually pulled out a bottle of swirling black liquid.


"It's my special Necrozma tonic! Made it myself."


"...This will help me get stronger?"


"Yep! Improves the cons... cons... Constitution!"

Oh. Oh, dear. Lol I love Callie, she's probably my favorite of the kids, but oh man, this just screams BAD IDEA. xD


"Oh, ground up Beedrill thorax, Goodra slime, essence of Oddish leaf, eye of Sobble... you know, the works!" said Callie, grinning and displaying her unusually pointy teeth.


"...Why?"


"For Necrozma!"


"I uh, think I might need to find some other way," Aaron said, heading off.


OMG that's actually horrifying hahaha. Good on Aaron for nope-ing right out of that one!


~That's awfully vague..." said Eve. "You need a more coherent goal than that. Like how I don't want my powers to-~


She stopped.


"To what?"


"Never mind."


Aaron blinked. Why wasn't she using telepathy anymore?


Hmmm I'm getting lots of hints about these kids' backstories. They all seem to come from drastically different backgrounds, so it makes sense! Can't wait to learn more about each of them, and their Pokemon, too.


"Not literally. Just... Be more assertive."


"Insertive?"


"No. Like... If someone gives you a hard time, don't just take it. Give them a hard time back and make them back off."


"I can do that?" said Aaron, his eyes lighting up.


Aaron, you adorable little cinnamon roll, you. I freaking love you.


"Hey loser!"


Gabriel stood up, glowering, then turned to the source of the voice. There, standing proudly, was Aaron. With a pile of pebbles.


"You... You smell! You're the smelliest! Yeah!"


Gabriel gave a mirthless chuckle. "Pathetic."


Oh. xD Oh, Aaron. Not like that. Haha I love that Gabriel wasn't even remotely fazed by this.

He looked about fourteen, with very fine clothing, all in various shades of pink. Long pink hair framed blue eyes and a yourhful face. And... was that a tail? It looked illusory, like it wasn't even there.

MEW TIME MEW TIME LET'S GO


"Yeah! Though not as good as the Rotan kids. Those guys are loaded! Like my Rotan noble getup by the way? They're suckers for it." The boy started for a second. "Oh, by the way? Name's Mithos."


"Why do you collect toys, Mithos?"


"Where I live? I get bored. Real bored. Human toys are my go-to for fixing that."


"Oh, neat!" said Aaron.

LOL I love that Mithos is so obviously not human, from his powers to his TAIL to the way he talks about humans, and Aaron is just like "okay! :3" Also, I love Mithos already. So excited to see more of him!

"See him? That's Andalas. Legendarily grouchy Rhyperior. If you're not afraid of a Scyther surely giving him a poke isn't too scary."


Aaron gulped. "That's... That's diff-"


He shook his head. "I can do that! Just you watch!"


"Good luck," said Louis, snickering. "You're gonna need it."

Aaron, I'm gonna teach you a wonderful word called "NO". It'll come in handy, trust me on this.

~Anyway, I'm not just here to save your ass from Andalas. Class with Polly is soon.~


"Oh! I forgot! Thank you for reminding me!"


He made to move off, then stopped and turned back to Metagross.


"Which way?"


There was a long, drawn-out mental sigh.


~...Follow me.~

Metagross has such tired Dad energy and I live for it haha. Also...it's just occurred to me that Polly's Pokemon don't seem to have nicknames? But the kids' companions do? I wonder what the reason for that is?


"Metagross has been with Time Flower Abbey as long as I can remember. His species lives a very long time. I... I didn't actually choose him as my partner Pokemon. He chose me. After-"

Hmmmm more backstory hints?

Guess I'm not the only one who wanted to escape... but... things haven't changed much...

Aw, poor baby. Even among kids who are more like him, he's still an outcast and a misfit. I just wanna hug him. :(

Riolu paused, looked at the human, then at the apples, then at the human, then at the apples again. Then he grabbed one and ran.

LOL that's one way to do it, I suppose!

"And I am Koba the Infernape, the leader of this little band. We call ourselves... The Wonderful Fighting Thieves."


"The humans provide and we take anything we want!" said Shifty.


"And we work together to do it!" said Grog.

Huh! I was...admittedly not expecting Riolu to get caught up in a different group of characters, least of all a group of thieving Pokemon, but I like it! It will be interesting to see what shenanigans he gets up to with this group, and how this will eventually lead to him meeting Aaron.

More great chapters! I'll be chipping away at the rest over the course of the month. So far, I'm really enjoying your characterization of all the various characters you've introduced, especially the misfit kids that Aaron hangs out with.
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
Here we go! I’m officially all caught up on your story — which sucks, because it’s on a heckin cliff hanger and now I have to wait! D: Nooooo

Polly herself was fine. Fine. She'd dealt with worse.

Hmm yes, you’re definitely “fine” and not just trying to convince yourself that you are. Certainly. Lol


~Are you OK dear?~ said Carol.


"Don't call me dear. And I'm fine."

Is Carol the Mom Friend? Carol is the Mom Friend. I love her even more now. Every cast of characters should have a Mom Friend, haha. Bless them.


"It's because our potential culprit to those murders was literally right in my face and we still haven't gotten any further than that!"


~Polly, calm down,~ said Metagross.


Dunsparce hissed worriedly.


"I'm fine," said Polly.

Yes, you’re certainly fine. Definitely. Not having sudden, angry outbursts at all. Nooope.
side note, though, I love me some rough around the edges characters that always insist that they are fine. Makes for some fun dynamics and leaves a lot of room for some good character growth!


"...Yes. You were born to a noble house. A rival lord's Pangoro beat you. You survived, but lost your voice and much of your hearing and your family disowned you for it. You've had a hatred for the rich since."

Honestly? Good on Carol for being angry at the PEOPLE and for not, you know, hating all Pangoro because of what happened. I mean, sure, she might have some trauma and struggle with being around Pangoro in general, but it doesn’t sound like she places any blame on them.

"Not even because that," said Vince. "Because I wasn't even a very good Obscuric. Even after I finally ran away and found the monastery it took years for me to get to where I am today. And in the meantime... everyone picked on me. Except you two. And... I still don't feel like I'm good enough."

Aw, poor Vince. Sounds like he and Aaron have pretty similar backgrounds. I feel like they should chat.

"I feel sorry for that Aaron kid," said Vince. "He was in the same boat I was."

Oh, he realizes this, too! I really want some Vince and Aaron scenes, now. Gimme that wholesome content.

~Our lives, Hannah,~ said Carol. ~It involves lots of suffering. Join us.~


"Ooh, uh, well, I stubbed my toe earlier if you're talking about suffering!"

TFW the pure/naive character tries to relate to the angsts ones. Haha! In all honesty though, she seems like a good bean.

Two Aura Guardians walked into a bar.

I don’t know why, but this just made me giggle haha. It reads like the beginning of a joke and now I really want to know how this hypothetical joke would play out, lol.

Polly looked around. There were various humans and Pokemon in the bar, in varying states of drunkenness. A man was passed out in his chair. A Gardevoir was drunkenly floating around hiccuping. A Spinda was actually walking straight for once.

Oh?? Pokemon can have alcohol, too? I’m very curious about how people and Pokémon live and work together in this world, and I’ve seen a few glimpses. I’m excited to see more, too, because this aspect of the Pokémon world has always intrigued me and I love seeing how different authors interpret it. So Pokémon can get wasted and that’s seen as totally normal, here. Interesting! Also, “A Spinda was walking straight for once” brought me SO much joy to read, hahaha! That line was brilliant, I love it.


"This is Madam Sprout."

👀 Professor Sprout? Is that you??

Two Aura Guardians walked into a completely different bar.

Another joke?? (I kid, I kid. But seriously, I need an Aura Guardian joke to exist now.)

Polly gave Terrence a look. Beo she could tolerate, but this guy just waltzing right in with his mental reinforcements and making himself at home?


~Are you sure about this guy Ryan? I can't read him. That's bad.~


~As far as I can tell he means no harm and is just as invested in this case as we are. Give him a chance.~


~...Fine.~

Hmmm I dunno, I’m kinda with Polly on this one. He seems...kinda shady? And I don’t fully believe his explanation? Can’t help but feel like he’s got some hidden ulterior motive up his sleeve, though I’m not sure why. Perhaps I’m just paranoid.



He and Shifty had just commandeered a pile of bananas (which were apparently different from Nanab Berries) and going to town on them.

Haha I love that you made a distinction between Nanab berries and bananas.

"...What are pirates?"


"Thieves like us but on a boat!"


"...A boat?"


"It's... I'll explain later. Just know it was awesome."

Riolu, what an innocent bean you are, I love you. Also, I like that you’re taking into account Riolu’s very limited knowledge of the world. Many stories tend to gloss over that and assume each characters knows as much as the reader would, but that often isn’t the case. Of course Riolu wouldn’t know what a ship is or what pirates are!


"The good news," said Grog, perking up. "Was that I wasn't very good at it. I was too polite. I would always yell "Sneak Attack!" before I struck my foe."

Bwahaha, is this an ATLA reference? I can’t help but think of Sokka when reading that line. (And if you haven’t seen ATLA, I strongly suggest you drop everything and go watch it on Netflix right NOW. That show is top tier.)


"You see, Riolu... Humans can very well make Pokemon stronger, smarter, greater. But the human always wants something out of the bargain. If you are to make a pact with one you must know the risks."


I appreciate that Kona recognizes some benefits from working with humans, even if his perspective is rather skewed (and understandably so). As sad as it is, it’s a good thing hes teaching this to Riolu, too, and that Riolu didn’t end up in the grasp of a human who would take advantage of him, too; he’s very naive and all he knows of humans is his father’s very positive opinion of them, so it would be all too easy for him to get taken advantage of. Koba’s influence is actually kind of a good one here, to teach him caution and not to automatically trust any human he comes across.

"You should make a sacrifice to Necrozma so they can send you one!" said Callie. "Light for the light god! Crystals for the crystal throne!"

oh, Callie. I missed you.

"Do you want to be my friend?" said Aaron.


"Wynaut!"


"Really?! Oh this is great, I finally have a Pokemon par-"

Hahaha I KNOW this joke, and I should have been prepared for it, but I wasn’t. I didn’t see it coming and it was great.


Now sore, stung, and with sludge stains in his clothes, Aaron stumbled to a patch of grass a bit away from Time Flower Abbey. It was then he saw a Mareep. Aaron thought to himself for a bit. If asking directly didn't work maybe he could catch it...


He snuck closer to the Mareep. They kept grazing. He leapt to tackle them, and immediately got shocked, stumbling back. Aaron was now staring down a very angry Mareep.

Welp. Rip. A Mareep was probably most likely to listen to him, too, if he’d tried to approach it normally.

He had come to Time Flower Abby as an escape. But it had changed nothing. He was still unwanted. Still singled out.

Ohhh poor baby, I want to hug him. I relate to this poor kid so much, as I was also an outcast And picked on for most of my childhood. The fact that you mentioned Aaron as a reflection of your childhood, especially as an autistic kid, really does reflect well, and it just hits home extra close to me, as an aspie myself. Just...all the hugs for all the spectrum kids. (Or no hugs, since not all of us like those. XD)

There were gasps and murmurs among the group, except Riolu, who kind of just raised an eyebrow, and Vallant, who scoffed.

So Riolu doesn’t have a name, even though the rest of the crew does! Interesting, I wonder if this is a choice of his?

Finally, they emerged in an empty room, filled with boxes of food, including a bag of apples that had been recently ripped into, a sticky glue-like substance left behind.

glue-like substance? Purple alien creature Was here, maybe?

"And make noise? That tells peoplemons we're here?" said Nicolas.

I love that he calls them peoplemon, haha.

Riolu approached the human. The human slowly looked up from his lurching position and his expression turned from one of anger to one of wonder and curiosity. Riolu gulped. He should probably keep this formal...


~...I ask of you. Will you be my master?~

OOOOOH IT’S HAPPENING IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL


Chapter 10: I Just Met You And I Love You

oh this chapter title is SO sweet. All the feels.


"Doubt." said Atta.

ATTA REALLY SAID, “Press X to doubt.” LOL. Honestly, I don’t blame her.

Terrence looked around. "This place. It's huge. And It seems like it's been around a long time. How'd it get here?"

Polly raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

Terrence gave her a look and shrugged his shoulders. "I mean. I've been staying here long enough and I ought to know more about this place. Plus I'm just curious."

hmmm. HMMM. More prying questions? I don’t like it. I’ve got my eye on you, shady dude.


He pulled down his collar to reveal a tattoo on his shoulder. One of two Corvinight mauling each other.

Vince scowled. "Damn Kalosian noble families. Pieces of work, all of them." He blinked, shook his head, and shrugged. "No offense of course."

Oh? So Lois was a noble? And an abused kid, poor baby. :( Seems like most Aura guardians ended up at the monastery to escape the rest of the world and To find refuge.

Louis nodded, then scrambled off. Vince turned back to the strange figure.

"Now... Who the hell are you?"

Well, frick. Vince BETTER not die, because I still want an Aaron and Vince scene, and I like Vince, he’s pretty cool. Get that cliffhanger outta my face.
 

IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
I'm here to write a review on chapter 2, to try and make up for my overly critical review of chapter 1!

First of all, I have to say that I like this chapter title! It's only one word, but gets the point across of what's going to happen to Aaron in this chapter!

Now onto the chapter itself! I really like the description here at the beginning. It's foreign, vivid, and overwhelming, encapsulating exactly what Aaron must be feeling right here. Nicely done!

If the previous chapter didn't establish Polly's personality, this one does, and it does so excellently. Within just a few lines of dialogue, you cement her as someone who's not afraid in the slightest to speak exactly what's on her mind, and is very passionate about the arts of aura.

"She said a bad word..." whispered one of the children.

I like this line. It helps show just how young these kids that have been dragged here are.

The scene where Aaron attempts to attack Polly is quite good. It shows the contrast between the two, that Aaron is woefully inexperienced, and that Polly is skilled enough to take him down with extreme ease.

"You'd be dead the moment you cross any human or Pokemon enough, powers or no."

This line reads a bit awkwardly for me. It feels like there's supposed to be something between "Pokemon" and "enough". Maybe you could stick "skilled" or "strong" in there, or something along those lines?

Ooh, and we get to see communication between Aaron and a Pokemon for the first time in this story! I like how you use tildes to denote telepathy.

Now we switch perspectives to the Pokemon in the forest! I find it very interesting that these Pokemon are being taught about humans.

I really like this section! We get to see what Pokemon's opinions on humans are like, lore about trainers, and some backstory for Ginji. All very well done!

Overall, I really liked this chapter! It helps establish a lot of things, and clear up others!

Again, I'm really sorry for being so harsh in my last review. I hope this makes up for it.
 

IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
I'm here to review chapter 3 of this!

Interesting. Seems all the Aura guardians, or at least a lot of them, are very no-nonsense like Polly.

Finally it was Aaron's turn.

Very small nitpick, but I feel like this would flow better if there was a comma after "Finally".

I also feel like you could maybe show a few other kids being sorted before Aaron, to emphasize how long it takes, and introduce the higher-up rooms. I had no idea they existed until Aaron mentioned them, or what was so special about them.

A few more grammar nitpicks:

"It's... All right?" said Aaron. "Are we gonna live together now?"

I feel like "All" shouldn't be capitalized here, but I might be wrong.

"Yeah duh. We aren't the only ones though."

I suggest adding a comma after "Yeah" to make it flow a bit better.

These are both very minor nitpicks, so follow them at your discretion.

Back to the story, I quite like how you had the dialogue tags disappear to add to the surprise and confusion of the third person in Aaron's room showing up. Nicely done!

Very interesting. So there's a cult around Necrozma. I wonder how that'll play into the story.

Oh dear. Even here, seems like Aaron can't escape being called a freak. I feel sorry for him.

Oh boy. Seems like this Riolu doesn't like killing.

Seems like he also has Blaze Kick as an egg move from his mother's side! Interesting!

Oh dear. Looks like Riolu's father is getting an earful from who I might think might be the leader of the pack.

And now their entire family has been labeled by freaks, just like Aaron is. The two sides of the story are starting to grow alike.

Interesting. Seems like something is after someone in the pack, and the old Lucario is its first victim. I'm intrigued to see how this plays out.

Overall, a great chapter that begins to tie the two sides of the story together, and leaves lots of intrigue with the Necrozma cult and the entity that attacked the old Lucario.

I look forward to reading more!
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Hey, Umbra! Here for your Blitz prize--thanks for being part of the Blitz! I'm responding to Chapter 4 and the bonus chapter. I've got some overall thoughts up top, and I set aside some small nitpicky things in the spoiler in case you want those another time.

That said--

This is a tie-in to the Missing Mod Madness event on the Serebii.net forums.
I know nothing about this, so I'll do my best!

Psychic Aura Guardian
Oh, I hadn't realized aura came in multiple types? Since this is lucario's signature thing, I assumed it was all fighting-type.

Shortly after they left a purple creature popped its head out of the bushes and proceeded to follow their trail.
!!
This was probably the juciest part of that bonus chapter! If that's canon, does that mean a poipole is still stalking the academy? That would've been nice to hint at to parallel the lucarios' situation with the charizard.

Some old art I haven't shared in this thread yet:
Aww, these are lovely! Their metagross drawing is especially on-point.

It seemed to stare back.
What a mood. This gives a sense of the pressure Aaron is feeling. Also, big Undertale vibes!

"...Good grief," he said.
Oh, hey, Charlie Brown.

Eve... Weird. She was lying on the ground clutching her head, with Iuroidea tending to her. Did she trip too? Maybe-
Wow, nice to see Aaron actually empathizing with one of his teammates. We never learned what happened, though! Too, bad. I was hoping this would be a bonding moment for them, a break from everyone sniping at each other.

Ha! Too easy," said Gabriel. "Let's try some more." A strange construct that seemed to resemble a Psyshock but spear-shaped appeared by his shoulder and fired down at Aaron, with Aaron yelping and rolling over to avoid it. "You're a fun one. Most people just run away and I have to bother chasing them. Not that that isn't funny either."
We need a teacher over here!

"No."

"Good! The Necrozmaists say adversity builds character!"
This is a funny beat. Nice.

~Can you give these kids a scare again?~
Wow, literally no one is being nice to the kids. They're really at the mercy of a bunch of teachers who don't seem to like them! :c

~As you can see,~ said Carol, ~Type matchups - as well as things like Trainer and Pokemon creativeness and cleverness - are what really makes a battle. Not Pokemon strength.~
Though this is a nice beat to get, especially in contrast to Mean Kid lording his strength over everyone else.

"Long ago, the people and Pokemon of Kanto and Johto suffered a great famine. They begged the gods for help, and their calls were heeded by a Legendary from another land, who created the Tree to ward off famine and pestilence. Its crystals absorb energy from sunlight, and its roots as a result fertilize Kanto, Johto, and beyond. The ecosystem around here depends on it."
Oh, interesting lore! (Does this mean the roots run underwater, or? I actually don't remember which region we're in, either.) This seems like really important knowledge for people to have, so it's too bad the aura guardians seem to have exclusive control over it.

Dunsparce gave a hissy, irritated "sparce".


~For your information I do not mention that every time Legendaries come up, thank you very much.~
Ha, cute that these two have a bond. Creates a sense of history between them.

Aaron followed along quietly for a while, then noticed another kid didn't have a Pokemon partner either. Aaron moved closer to him and noticed he not only had pink hair but pink clothes as well.

"Excuse me-"


The other child turned his head toward Aaron, holding a finger to his lips and winking. Aaron blinked. A Pokemon made a noise in the forest, causing Aaron's attention to turn to it briefly; when he turned back the other child was gone.
This is a really cool, intriguing moment! It is weird that only Aaron seems not to have a pokemon already, so I'm curious to see how people treat this other person compared to him. Seems like Aaron might've been thinking the same thing and wanting to make a connection. I think you could've leaned into that even more! What is Aaron thinking or wondering about them? It might just be the juxtaposition with the next scene talking about a stalking pokemon, but I wondered if this person maybe was a pokemon in disguise. A ditto or zoroark maybe? I don't know what to make of the pink.

"I trust you, Dad."
Aww. A nice moment.

So Aaron is maybe slowly starting to learn some things, and Riolu's pack is in a bit of trouble.

I wish I had a sense of how close Aaron and Riolu are to each other--does Riolu live somewhere in the shade of the massive tree or in the nearby woods? It would add more tension Riolu's scenes for me if I knew how real the possibility of accidentally running into Aaron was. Aaron has a lot more agency and control, which makes his scenes a little more interesting for me. But Riolu has a clear motivation--he wants to help the pack--in a way Aaron doesn't. It would be great to see the strengths of each of their situations applied to each others' scenes! It's also nice that the elder lucario seems to be advocating for Riolu--it seems like he's the only adult of any species who isn't a parent and isn't a jerk! I'm glad that Riolu at least has support from his parents. Too bad Aaron doesn't seem to be getting any support.

I guess by the time they actually meet, they'll each be pretty powerful on their own, so that's cool. It's really clear to me how Aaron would benefit from having a riolu partner--he's so obviously the odd one out--but I'm not sure yet what Riolu would get from partnering with him! I hope we get some indications of that before they're jammed together!

I'm most interested in the mystery of the pink person. We really don't know much about them yet, but it seems like it must be important since they vanished in such a strange way and since their situation seems to maybe mirror Aaron's? Definitely weird either way.

GRAMMAR
~Vince you terrible wizard I already did,.~
~Vince, you terrible wizard, I already did.~
Dragon Pulse"Let me guess, need something?" said Ryan.
Oops.

You two and your Pokemon come with me."
You two and your pokemon--come with me."
OR
You two, come with me."

You two is subbing in for their names here, so the same rules for names in dialogue apply here. When you're calling someone, the name is offset with commas. Examples:
"Hey, Jerry, come here!"
"Sonia, do you think flowers are pretty?"
"What is it, Lassie?"

Also, it's kinda weird to me that he doesn't address the pokemon, too, since it's clear they're pretty intelligent and sapient in this setting.

the A Dragon Pulse was shot in Ryan's direction.
Oops, a sequel.

Henry weren't so lucky,being doused in sticky fluid.
Missing space.

Suddenly another portal opened and from it emerged Polly and her Metagross and Dunsparce.
Since this is a list of three, it would read more smoothly as and from it emerged Polly, Metagross, and Dunsparce.

A glowing blue and white webbed portal
I assumed the portal is webbed with white and blue rather than being white and blue and full of spiderwebs, in which case, it should read a glowing blue- and white-webbed portal.

"Got drafted into solving some weird crisis in another world. Stuff about living stories and people called "mods.""
When you use quotes inside of quote, they should either be single quotes or simply italicized without quotes.

~It's a long story we'll have to explain when we get back,~ said Metagross.
This is two sentences jammed together.

~It's a long story. We'll have to explain when we get back,~ said Metagross.

Chapter 4: All In The Type
In titles, words like the are not capitalized.

"Lean down a little will you girl?"
"Lean down a little, will you, girl?"

~Thanks!~ said Carol, and she, Becky, and her Gothitelle Lovegood exited.
her Gothitelle, Lovegood, exited.
Otherwise you're saying that she has more than one gothitelle.

~Told you you shouldn't have done that~ said Metagross. ~Even if it was funny.~
~Told you you shouldn't have done that,~ said Metagross.

or 0 Skybreak.
It's weird for a numeral not to be written out in formalized narration. I read this as an O at first.

Rilou's mother beamed.The other Lucario
Missing space.

"Certainly." said Ginji.
The period should be a comma--the dialogue tag is part of the sentence that begins in quotes.

Think they're apex predators of wherever they claim territory of.
Think they're apex predators of whatever territory they claim.

OTHER NOTES
and had several things in mind. Grass vs. Poison, Ice vs. Flying, and oh, her favorite, Psychic vs. Fighting... She needed to show her friend Polly!
Doesn't Polly already know this stuff? Also, since this is a list, a colon instead of a period after mind would make these sentences flow a little more nicely.

She looked in empty domrorotories, in the cafeteria, in the library... Nothing. No sign of her.
Typo aside, emphasizing the emptiness of the dormitories is weird--if they're empty, she knows Polly isn't there. Try:
She looked in dormitories, the cafeteria, the library... All empty. There was no sign of her.

This was bad. She needed to find someone.
It wasn't totally clear to me why this was especially bad. Is it Polly's job to stay on campus? What exactly does Carol need her for? And she needs to find someone to ...? Help her find Polly? Help her with her lesson plans? None of this is quite clear right now.

"Last I heard she was giving these brats their initiation," said Vince. "Why?"
I'd like to see Carol react to her calling them brats! That's really harsh, and she sounds so excited to present her lesson plans to the students--she should feel some type of way about him speaking so negatively of these literal children.

"Ah fuck," said Vince.


~Language,~ said Carol.


"Look, that's not the point," said Vince. "Maybe Ryan knows where she went to."


Carol thought to herself a bit. Ryan was the leader of the Genesis Mountain Aura Guardians. If anyone knew where Polly was, it would be him.
So, I wasn't sure if this was intentional or not but what this sounds like to me is that Vince is implying that Polly and Ryan are sleeping together and that's why he might know where she is.

It's worth knowing that I wasn't sure what Ryan's role was. Is he their boss, their peer, or what?

Henry needled Ryan's Swampert with taunting jeers, which the Swampert ignored.
I already do not remember who Henry is--these introductions are so quick and we don't know anything about these characters except their names!

~Other worlds?~ said Carol. ~Do those even exist?~
Didn't you just see a bunch of portals, Carol?

He looked around at the other kids and their Pokemon preparing.
What does it mean for them to be preparing? Help me visualize it more!

doing decent damage to the dummy.
Again, what does this look like? What does the dummy look like afterward?

Louis and Rook were slicing up a dummy, Callie and Munchkin were pelting one with Obscura bolts and fire, Atta and Stabby were gnawing and stabbing at one, and Eve... Weird. She was lying on the ground clutching her head, with Iuroidea tending to her.
Again, I don't remember who most of these characters are, especially with that bonus interlude in between.

He dropped Aaron and stormed off,
That's it? After all his bluster, his threats really evaporated into nothing. Would've been really nice to see a teacher or (maybe even better!) one of his new friends coming to the rescue.

Munchkin hissed at her in agreement.
If it's agreeing, then it probably isn't hissing at her, right? Try:
Munchkin hissed in agreement.

"Why does she only talk like that?"



"She's mute," Louis said, whispering. "Can't speak with her mouth. Can't hear that well either. Something about an incident with a Pangoro. Don't know the rest, don't really care."
1. This is a cool backstory--nice to see how characters of differing abilities fit into this world!
2. I don't think Aaron has seen enough of her to know she only talks "like that," though. Suggestion: "Why doesn't she just talk normally?"
3. Don't know don't care? Really? Feels like an excuse to leave out information, lol. If nothing else, this could be a moment to let Aaron be curious and ask questions, even if he doesn't get answers. Otherwise, this kinda falls flat.
4. Extra space!

~Good girl,~ said Carol exclusively to the Salamence,
I would hope it's exclusive to the salamence, because otherwise she'd be saying it to her coworker instead?? You can trim out that redundancy.

~But!~ said Carol. ~You will learn more in subsequent lessons! For now, you've got a history lesson with Polly! Now shoo, shoo!~
This feels like a really weird place to end the lesson. That like going, "Biology is the foundation of life--okay, bye!" without at least doing some punnet squares or something. She could pass out homework, she could arrange them into pairs for sparring, she could quiz them ... and since the reader already knows type match-ups, you could summarize it all. A sentence or two would do it, but we need something other than her just booting them out of class.

Kids who have heard it before, don't try to sum it up please."
Why not send the advanced students elsewhere and have this group just be the new kids?

Polly sighed. "Anyway, the other hazard of the Tree is the Mew that lives there. The Tree can't sustain itself, so the Legendary created a lesser Legendary, a Mew, to keep it in balance. But the Mew is... Mischievous. It's known to cause a ruckus and spirit objects and even Pokemon away to the Tree."
Why are we specifying Mew but leaving the main "Legend" unnamed?

~Legendaries in general aren't to be trusted.~
I wasn't sure who was saying this at first since you have several characters who can communicate in this way and there was no context to tell us who was speaking.

Any questions?'


The children were silent.
I can't tell how old these kids are. In my 7-10 year old classes, they always have questions of some kind and they're often irrelevant, so this didn't ring true to me.

"How long has it been stalking us?"


"Days, now. Ever since it first killed one of our own, possibly further."
It's kinda odd to me that some of the lucario wouldn't know how long they were being stalked. Don't they all have aura?

And some grammar/word choice nitpicks:
"Days now. Ever since it first killed one of our own, possibly longer."

"How much do you know, kid?"
This feels like not the most pertinent question to me, TBH. It seems like others in the pack don't take him seriously anyway, and this seems to be information that the pack at large already has. A better question, IMHO, would be "What are you doing sneaking around?"

Riolu, naturally, waited a bit before following.
This is a great beat! I think it would be stronger if you reworded it to emphasize his sneakiness, though:
Riolu waited a bit and then, naturally, he followed.
OR
Naturally, Riolu waited a bit ... and then he followed.

"Powerful critters.
Critter feels like a weird word for a creature that is a) so large! and b) presumably as intelligent as they are? Again, wild pokemon seem perfectly sapient in this setting, and we've already seen that Ginji can be perfectly understood by pokemon outside his own species. I don't see why a charizard would be different.

They ran off into the night as well. Riolu quickly headed back to the cave, where the rest of the pack would be nearby.
This isn't the strongest place to end that I could imagine. It feels like there's supposed to be more here. It would be nice to get an indication of what Riolu is feeling. What does he think about the charizard? Is he worried about his parents? We know he wants to help somehow--does he have ideas about how?

Hope these thoughts were helpful! Good luck writing your next chapter!
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Hey Umbra! Here for catnip! I don't know how to budget my time so I only had the chance to read chapter one.

I know you mentioned what you wanted feedback on, so I'm going to do my best to mainly focus on those things. However, the critiques I have go hand-in-hand with one another.

So, I really like the idea of humans being able to harness the power of Pokemon, even if it isn't as "specialized" so to speak. These Aura Guardians seem really neat, and I'm kind of rooting for Aaron as he goes on this quest to hone his aura gift. But I'm also interested in what's going to go down with this particular Riolu...is it going to meet up with Aaron? And the two become partners?! I'm assuming so, because it was mentioned Aaron's "aura" airs on the side of Fighting types, and of course, this is a Riolu we're talking about here...it's a very nice, very intriguing setup!

Where I do think you need some tuning up lies in a mixture of the characterization and worldbuilding, and that definitely goes hand in hand with the way you're describing things. Let me explain:

I noticed that the first chapter is almost entirely dialogue. Things seem to happen solely in the dialogue, and maybe in the short breaks between it as you mention what the characters are doing as they speak. That's about it. There was very little exposition, very little "character thought process," that's where I think everything starts to fall flat. It gives off a rushed pacing, it ends up reading like kind of an information dump, and I'm left really wondering what these characters are like. I know what they look like, I know how they talk...but what are they thinking as these things happen? How are they viewing the world as they go about their conversations? That sort of thing.

For example, when the Aura Guardian shows up to rescue Aaron from his fall, you give us a description of what she looks like. It's a good description, but it reads like something you'd see character profile, not how a child would see her.
The boy sighed and slowly started to get to his feet when he noticed a young woman approaching his location.

The woman was blonde with green eyes and was wearing strange clothing unfamiliar to the boy, a uniform with what seemed to be a two-part coat and a wide-brimmed hat with a spiky end and decorated with a symbol resembling three claw marks arranged in a triangular fashion. Upon further notice she also carried a staff of some sort in her left hand, both hands being gloved.
I get you seem to be going for some third person omniscient vibes it seems, but here, you could really do some mean character building. I reckon he's a young boy, so would he really be paying such close attention to how her outfit is styled? I feel like he'd only notice she was dressed oddly, but then he might notice just how pretty she is, you know? Or how tall she is, or other things a pubescent boy might pick up in a lady. You could really use this omniscient point of view to point out how his mind was racing. Maybe something like "Fate seemed to have a funny way of messing with him. How could it be that as soon as he falls out of a tree, a beautiful woman shows up? Why couldn't she have waited until he'd brushed himself off...or even better, just come on a different day entirely!"

Little things like that would really spruce this up, and give us a lot more depth into what you're establishing here. Because right now, we seem very superficial.

"Dear, are you OK?! Did something happen?!"

"Yeah Mom, the bullies put my ball in a tree and I fell trying to get it, but then this lady and her Dunsparce came to help!"

"Oh, ma'am, I can't thank you enough!"
Here's another place where you have opportunities for more character building. Aaron mentions some bullies put his ball in a tree, but maybe (and this is just an example), if you wanted to continue to air on the side of him thinking this lady was pretty, he's embarrassed she caught him falling, you could give us some insight into his thoughts as he racks his brain for an excuse to say INSTEAD of outwardly admitting some bullies hid his ball in a tree. Hell, you could have him briefly think back to the incident; recall how they pushed him down, snatched the ball, and how they laughed maniacally as they threw it into the tree.

He could frantically be like "Quick, think of something that makes me seem heroic and not like a little pussy!" You could really start to highlight any naive machoness he might have going at his age, or something of the sort. There's a lot of possibilities.

A blue-haired, blue-eyed boy dressed in simple clothes was reaching for a ball stuck in a tree. No dice. He sighed and started climbing up. He was almost there. He could almost feel it in his fingers.
This goes more hand-in-hand with world building. I assume, based on what I read after this, that he was in the forest, but...I need some more description here. Here, to me, it seems like he's climbed a tree in the middle of a vast white space. What does the weather feel like today? What day is it? What was he doing with the ball in the first place? He was being bullied, so maybe he could be angrily grumbling to himself that it's getting out of hand.

The boy jumped, looked at the woman in bewilderment, then looked around wildly. That was her voice, but her mouth hadn't moved at all, where-

~Kid, it's me. I'm talking to you with my head, it's called telepathy.~

The boy looked up at her again, eyes widening. "You.. You..."

The woman gave a small smile. "Kid, you aren't the only one out there with 'magic powers'."

The boy grinned, and bounced up and down excitedly. "You have powers like I do! And you're big and strong and that means I'm not a freak! Like, I can do the talaplethy thing too!"
This struck me as super information dump-y. I know it's mentioned a "sonic boom" came out of his mouth, but that was about all we got toward his magic powers. You could really beef this up by telling us what his thought process was as she telepathically spoke to him. Something like:

Did...did she just speak to him? In his mind? But, he swore that he was the only person who could do something like that! And...he'd felt like such a freak for it. But could it actually be that there was somebody else who could...?

The same as I've been saying, you have a lot of missed opportunities for world and character building. If you just beef some of this up a little, you would have a much more intriguing chapter! And it's already intriguing just from the plot alone!

Thanks for the read, and good work! :)
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Chap 1 was honestly really fun! I think you did a good job capturing Aaron's character. You keep the child-like eagerness but I can already see that he also wants to do good and make a difference in the world.

The start itself was very simple plotwise, but does exactly what it needs to imo.
The boy smiled softly.

"It's Aaron!"
This was a nice reveal, genuinely made me smile!
"I-It's so we have a good view, sweetie!" said his mother.

~Nice save,~ said Polly to her telepathically.

D-Don't get in my head like that!
This little interaction was also amusing! It also pulls double duty to show that his mother has no doubt had some experiences seeing her son do these kinds of things, lol.

As for the second half, I enjoyed it as well. I can already guess this Riolu is destined to join Aaron. It seems that he isn't accepted much though. He's an outcast already, but at least his parents love him.

Also HOORAY for the dad standing up for his mate and kid! I love seeing people snap back instead of taking the insults lying down so to speak. What an outburst, hah!

You established a lot of nice lore tidbits too: Blaziken and other mon can presumably mainly use aura for moves, while Lucario line of course can sense emotions and life force. Also it seems that her pack doesn't take kindly to having mates that aren't of the same species.

I wonder if Riolu being a halfbreed will give it any special abilities? I look forward to more! I'll probably read a chapter or two a day since I aim to read this and another fic as well.

A fun start to a store, simple but concise and clear!
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Chapter 2 is read! I have to say, I personally enjoy a fic every now and then with short chapters. Given your preferred style I think the length works really well for you! I feel like you have a good handle on only including bits that feel necessary to the story you want to tell.

I'm genuinely and truly excited to see both where Aaron's story goes and where this young Riolu's story goes, and how the two will meet!
"Before you kids all crawl off to your barracks and attempt to get comfy," said Polly, "I've been put in charge of giving you a rundown of what you're here for, so sit your asses tight until I'm done!"


Aaron gulped.


"She said a bad word..." whispered one of the children.
This was such an on point thing for a kid to say! I feel like you capture that kiddish energy so well!
Another child raised their hand. "Aura, Psychokinesis, and the two kinds of Obscura, right?"
Obscura? I like that name! And that's some really interesting lore! Humans only get those four powers? I wonder why... they do seem to be similar sects of power.
Super curious to see this aspect explored :D

"Uh, y-yeah, I'm OK... Wait, you can talk? But you're a Pokemon!"


~All Pokemon can talk. Just only some of them in a way most humans can understand.~
Something about the way Metagross says this line gets me. I feel like I get a good vibe of his personality from this one line!

Ginji grabbed a stick and started drawing in the dirt. "Long ago, humans first came to this world, and they and Pokemon were divided. Then one day, in the Sinnoh region, there was a great meeting! One where humans and Pokemon came to terms, and decided to help and not hurt one another."


By now he had drawn a circle in the dirt.


"This agreement was known as The Vow; a promise to work toward humans and Pokemon being stronger together than apart."


He drew a line through the circle, then a smaller circle in the center.


"Wow..." said Riolu.


He then noticed the top half of the bigger circle was somehow red.
Oh MAN same brain!!! I had this tangential random thought about humans and pokemons making a pact and the pokeball symbol somehow being related!!!! Is this a similar case/?? AHHHH BOY I WANNA KNOW MORE!!! I love that you included this bond of friendship too !

Something to keep in mind for future chapters (and this is minor, maybe even you fixed this already, so feel free to ignore) is including a teeny bit more descriptive stuff to set the scene. A few lines here and there can be great.

But that's fairly minor given I can still perfectly understand and appreciate this story even with light descriptions! You're already good at staying focused on the critical stuff like lore and character.

Something else I think shines really well in your writing is capturing the vibes of characters through dialogue, and making characters feel pretty distinct.

Great things so far, I really do like this all!!!
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Another fun chapter! This time we get to meet Aaron's fellow squadmates and boy are they characters!

You did great giving everyone a quirk and making them feel unique. I definitely wouldn't have trouble telling them apart. Callie is rather amusing to me! Also the mention of a Necrozma Cult is very interesting. I lowkey hope we get to see a bit more of this. I like those bits of lore and worldbuilding you slip into your stories.

It does raise questions (nothing serious, and maybe these are answered later which is fine)

How does anyone know about Necrozma? Is it just an alolan legend or is it maybe everywhere? I wonder what the cult looks like! And if this takes place in the past, what version of Necrozma do they worship?

Also poor Aaron is outcast once again D:/ Can't he catch a break?

I noticed pretty much everyone only has one pokemon? I take it that this is the norm for this time period, to befriend just one companion? That's a neat take, in any case.

And then poor little Riolu's... trial. Oh boy. I almost wasn't sure he'd have been able to do it. I feel bad for that Buneary (whoop) but I guess that's the circle of life, lol.

One bit did confuse me however.
He paused, panted heavily. "I... I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself..."


"...Dad? Thank you."


"Thank you for everything Ginji."


Ginji paused. Then carefully pulled the other two into a hug.

Who says the line in bold? His mom? Riolu? It did trip me up a bit, so using a speaker tag or action can help I think. Assuming Maybe Riolu was the one talking, perhaps something like

{"...Dad? Thank you." Riolu sniffled, then smiled. "Thank you for everything Ginji."}

And by keeping it on one line makes it easy for the reader to identify the dialogue! Anyways that's my only comment for that section!

Otherwise, I'm really excited to see Aaron and Riolu meet. I enjoy how you are taking some time to build their stories individually before we see them meet.

Also who killed that old Lucario? Was it Ginji I wonder? I must keep reading!!
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
This is certainly going to be a long road for poor Aaron, huh? I appreciate that though, I'm totally down for a protagonist who slowly becomes OP. You have more sprinkled bits or lore stuff in here that caught my eye, like the mention of timelines, how Mew is supposedly a very 'michievous' legendary and the '0 Skybreak' for timelines. And the Tree of Life!! Could Xerneas have helped create it long ago?

Intriguing!
It was then Aaron noticed a shadow looming overhead. With dread he looked up. There was a blonde boy with spiky hair standing on the head of a massive Onix above him, crossing his arms and giving a not exactly friendly smug smile down.
I can picture this in my head very clearly! Good descriptions, keep doing these! A little goes a long way with your style.
His Onix gave a strange whimper.
Aww, I guess Onix doesn't like her meanie trainer.
She and her Pokemon headed down the mountain, the children and their Pokemon heading after. Aaron followed along quietly for a while, then noticed another kid didn't have a Pokemon partner either. Aaron moved closer to him and noticed he not only had pink hair but pink clothes as well.

"Excuse me-"


The other child turned his head toward Aaron, holding a finger to his lips and winking. Aaron blinked. A Pokemon made a noise in the forest, causing Aaron's attention to turn to it briefly; when he turned back the other child was gone.
Hm! Is that Mew, perhaps? That's my guess, because of the pink and the disappearing bit. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Mew had an eye on Aaron.
"Those are the ignorant words of my children and their mates. This pack is family. No matter what."
At least ONE member of the pack is sane! I appreciate grandpa Lucario.

Charizard
Ah yes, Charizard. Rascally little bugger, have the tendency to overtake franchises-I mean uh. Hunt packs of Lucario? Lol.

Anyways I can certainly see how they would make for scary opponents. How will Ginji handle this?
 

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
I've been meaning to take a look at something from you for a little while now, and Heroes looked to be the most familiar diving-in point. That, and I'm a huge sucker for backstory, especially for canon characters who only get the barest of bones to their story. I'll be leaving my thoughts on chapters 1-6.

Seeing Aaron as the titular character in this adventure is great fun, especially as it starts from the very beginning, him as a young child first learning of Aura and the Guardians in a language other than "he's a freak". (Though even then things are not so smooth sailing from him after that point either). I really like the balance of telling his side of the story along with Riolu's at the same time, bouncing back and forth between the sections. It reads really smoothly and the lessons and morals and trials that Aaron and Riolu face share enough commonality that it doesn't feel like I'm reading two different stories smushed together; there's a thread running through that ties them together. I especially enjoyed putting two and two together when Riolu met
mama Steelix, Mountain Keeper, right after we had a scene with Aaron meeting Patricia, the Onix.

There's a wide array of quirky and interesting characters surrounding Aaron, ranging from his other aura-gifted peers, the adult Guardians in charge, and their partner pokemon. There's a lot of names to remember, but the amount of characters isn't as overwhelming as I thought it might be. Their unique characteristics and personalities make them quick to recognize and remember, and the sheer number of characters really makes the world feel alive and full. There's so much whimsy, especially with Aaron's classmates, and the personality of each character, both people and pokemon, shines through with every appearance. It leaves me intrigued as to what will happen with each character moving forward. I care about and am interested in all of them, not just Aaron. I will say here, too, that the addition of character art has been such a nice touch. I know character design is a big strong point with your writing, and even though I'm not usually big on knowing exact character descriptions, the art definitely enhances the experience and helps with putting a face to a name for the various characters in this fic.

You do a good job establishing the rules of the world right out of the gate. Aura, Guardians, psychic talking from both people and pokemon, pokemon talking to each other. They're all in play, but with specific rules that are easy to understand. One thing that did catch me by surprise was some of the more brutal or violent moments. For how much whimsy there is, things swing very quickly to some really dark and gruesome moments. Not that they feel out of place or inappropriate, just that the shift in tone was so abrupt it caught me by surprise on more than one occasion. It's another rule established with brutal clarity.

The overarching plot, with both Aaron and Riolu's struggles to find acceptance and understand who they are are believable and relatable. It's always refreshing to see character who we know to be competent in the future stumble and fumble in the past. They didn't just step out of the womb as the person or pokemon they came to be. There's growing pains, some more painful than others, and that's what makes character backstory so satisfying to read.

The main mystery plot itself, at least on Aaron's side of the story, seems to be ramping up and I like that there's something else going on beyond Aaron's school life. It keeps the reader engaged and also takes great advantage of the cast of characters you've introduced. The adults aren't just standing around waiting for the kids to learn things in school. They have other things going on in the world which again helps to broaden the scope of the world and setting you're building.

Oh, speaking of world building, one thing I forgot to mention is the lore you've infused in this story. It's woven so smoothly into the narrative, I can't get enough. The Ultimate Weapon firing being a historical mark for dating things, Yveltal's dream sequence, the characterization and legend of Mew, the mentioning of other regions in both history and in the various characters we end up meeting (the Necrozma cult being quite delightful). I'm *such* a sucker for this kind of casual worldbuilding. You're not lore-dumping, you're not stopping the narrative to explain, it's all normal to the characters, even though it's new to the reader. It feels so natural and it's just an absolute pleasure to read, pointing at the screen and going "Oh oh! That's Yveltal, I know them!" Yeah, definitely keep that coming.

It seems I've got a lot more to go with this fic as it's currently posted, but what I've read so far I've enjoyed. It's easily digestible and even with the time skips and jumps back and forth between Aaron and Riolu's stories, there's no confusion or lack of clarity. I'm looking forward to reading more.
 
Last edited:

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
So I can't actually remember if I reviewed 4 or not but I wanted to reread anyways cause I liked it, so here I am with chapters 4 & 5!

You've got a good balance of plot and pacing, switching between the two viewpoints of Riolu and Aaron. Both stories feel relevant and meaningful, and it builds a lot of anticipation for me as a reader, wondering when they'll meet, cause I know its coming! You also have a pleasant colloquial way of doing your prose at times that feels very casual, in a good way. You'll make slightly self-aware asides to the audience and such and I found it very engaging.

You also thought up a huge cast of characters that all feel distinct which is impressive. I sometimes struggle to make characters feel different from one another so good job.

One thing I'll say before going to line comments is I think it might be helpful to mention species name a little more? You do it pretty good usually but then with Aaron's friends, I did find myself losing track of what pokemon they were. Maybe once or twice a chapter max, you can slip in a '[The Bisharp] as a rename instead of just using its name, like 'Blade' if that makes sense. Also its possible this gets better as it goes so if you feel thats the case, ignore this!

His Onix gave a strange whimper.

"Easy, Patricia, we're almost done with this one," said Gabriel. "Lean down a little will you girl?"
I was really fascinated by this little exchange. I guess Patricia isn't very fond of her trainers behavior? I wonder if that's the case, does she have a personal reason to stick with him? Does she not see him as 'that bad', maybe just frustrating? Either way this was a really neat bit of characterization.
Not any kid on the Auric Spectrum can be an Aura Guardian, and I'm gonna weed out the ones who can't. Like you."
Oof. That's harsh. It's also pretty telling, clearly he's got a serious superiority complex.
Munchkin gave an excited hiss, and they all headed off.
Ah, this was one of the spots I meant where you can probably say 'The Ekans' instead of Munchkin. Or whatever species Munchkin is.
This is helped by the fact that Pokemon produce an additional energy called Infinity Energy to power up their Auras, which can only be sensed in trace amounts in humans. Pokemon types are strong and weak against other types, depending on the type and type combination, and to demonstrate that...~
Ohohoh, is that worldbuilding I smell? That's interesting! So humans and Pokemon have aura, but pokemon have infinity energy they can use to augment their powers? That's pretty interesting!! I like it

There was a roar, and a Salamence descended from the air and approached Polly.
I think you put Polly's name here by accident?

"Time to teach you new kids some stuff about this place. Kids who have heard it before, don't try to sum it up please."


A few hands lowered.
AHAH! These lines, I really like. They're rather amusing to me, and make me smile. You also really make the kids feel like kids, doing kid things. (I sometimes accidentally make all my kids adults so) Good work

"Long ago, the people and Pokemon of Kanto and Johto suffered a great famine. They begged the gods for help, and their calls were heeded by a Legendary from another land, who created the Tree to ward off famine and pestilence. Its crystals absorb energy from sunlight, and its roots as a result fertilize Kanto, Johto, and beyond. The ecosystem around here depends on it."
History lessons?? 0.0 That's pretty cool, so the Tree of Life is connected to Kanto/Johto? Man I wanna see a world map now! Also I bet that legendary from another land is Xerneas! It'd make sense, a tree of life/beginning and all.

And screamed, and screamed, and screamed for an unusually long time until Polly said "Kid, relax, relax, they're not going to get you."
lol, poor Aaron!

~Legendaries in general aren't to be trusted.~
HM! This is an interesting bit of dialogue. I sense a potential history here. How are legendaries seen? Sometimes benefactors, but other times untrustworthy.

The other child turned his head toward Aaron, holding a finger to his lips and winking. Aaron blinked. A Pokemon made a noise in the forest, causing Aaron's attention to turn to it briefly; when he turned back the other child was gone.
MEW! I bet thats Mew. pretty sus, with the pink motif. And vanishing.

The bushes and shrubs seemed to claw at his face. He heard wild bird Pokemon squawk and fly away at his approach. Finally he found the ball and reached down for it.
This was good narration!
"What is it?" said Polly.


~One of the murderers had powers like your own.~
The plot thickens! So the murderer was another aura guardian??? WHY. Guess I'll have to keep reading.
Was he gonna be okay? His mother said Dialga would always protect him, and he believed that with all his heart. But his father had believed the same thing and... and...
ohoho the mystery deepens, there's somethin sus with his dad.
~Polly wanted me to check up on you after yesterday and, well, I always feel sorry for you humans easily.~
Aww, Metagross is so sweet. I really like him!

Ginji said no more. He fell limp.
:((((((((((( NOOOOOoooooooo
Whyyyyy
I kinda knew this might happen but I still feel sad. Poor Riolu. I suppose he shares something in common now with Aaron.

Then turned and broke off into a run.
!!! Oh man I'm really hype for them to meet oh my gosh. Gonna have to try and read more soon. Anyways, I think the flow and pacing of these are really good, and you really utilize the multiple viewpoints. I never feel like a scene is wasted yet, and everything seems important. Can't wait to see where things go!
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Alright, some thoughts on Chapter 6!

Aaron seems to be struggling to cope with what he saw in regards to the dead body. Poor kid has decided to blame himself for it it seems, which is rather silly and yet also not unrealistic. People can be silly like that. This makes me wonder though! Between his sudden desire for strength and what we saw in his dreams with Yveltal... Perhaps Aaron witnessed someone close to him die before? Perhaps his own father?

If that be the case, it would lend credence to his reaction. Poor kid. Would explain some stuff about him too.

Quick thought - lots of dialogue in this chapter and conversations, which was fine, but it was easy to get lost without speaker tags. Sprinkling a few in would help you a lot.

Also it seems everybody knows Mew-er I mean, Mithos. Totally normal kid who isn't Mew. I can only guess they know it is Mew but don't say anything? Hmm. Also I like how Aaron seems utterly unfazed by their powers, which would kinda make sense, given he's surrounded by people with weird powers.

I bet the Mountain Keepers daughter is Patricia. If Mountain keeper is a Steelix right?

Also Riolu and Aaron grow ever closer to meeting each other!!! I'm so hyped
 

Inkedust

Harbinger of Sunrise
Location
Pokémon Square
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. ninetales-inkedust
  2. solgaleo-inkedust
  3. xerneas
  4. zoroark-inkedust
SMEARGOL COMIN' THROUGH.

Ginji grabbed a stick and started drawing in the dirt. "Long ago, humans first came to this world, and they and Pokemon were divided. Then one day, in the Sinnoh region, there was a great meeting! One where humans and Pokemon came to terms, and decided to help and not hurt one another."


By now he had drawn a circle in the dirt.


"This agreement was known as The Vow; a promise to work toward humans and Pokemon being stronger together than apart."
Smeargle Swap.png
 

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
Hello hello! I'm back for more HAA! This review will cover chapters 7-9.

I'll admit, jumping back in mid-mystery was a bit tough, I had to backread a bit to catch up on some who's who and what exactly we knew up to this point (mostly for chapter 8 with the aura guardians doing their thing). But that's on me for taking such a long break! I find myself impressed with your ability to juggle so many plot lines and character sets and not have things get muddled up. It's clear what's happening with each group and when, and the scenes are distinct from one another that it's easy to keep track of with only minimal refresher (like when someone *cough*me*cough* takes long reading breaks).

There's a good bit of progress made on the mystery of the killer, and I appreciate again that the adult Aura Guardians are doing responsible things on their own to get to the bottom of this situation. Polly's attack was startling to say the least, though I admit I don't remember the portal creatures from my readthrough of earlier chapters. Though, I did spot this little hint later in chapter 9:
a sticky glue-like substance left behind.
which tells me that the plot is indeed thickening beneath our very noses! Call me paranoid, but I'm keeping my eye on Beo and Terrence for now... Can they be trusted?? Time will tell, I'm sure. It's a satisfying drip feed of new overarching plot as we also watch Aaron and Riolu's progress (or lack thereof, sorry Aaron) through their own trials and tribulations.

In this set of three chapters, we actually get a lot of backstory, which is my jam. I enjoy the context in which a lot of it is explained, like the history of the monastery and the Time Flowers in Polly's lesson, a lot of the Aura Guardian's backstories at their pity party, and some of Aaron's classmates as curiosity and follow up from the day's lessons. Aaron may not be the most tactful fellow, but taking the time to ask and care about his classmates is kind of him.

We also got to meet a new cast of characters in the form of Riolu's band of merry thieves. Right away all of the pokemon characters are quirky and unique and have a sense of camaraderie of a group who have been together for a while. Getting to meet them through Riolu's eyes is a good way to learn even more about them, but I think I found this part of the story the weakest, with Riolu awkwardly wandering from character to character asking them about their backstory. I enjoy the montage and the contrast of each character's history (especially with the way Koba's "do you know what we have in common" line really hits home), but I think the segue between each visit could have been handled a bit smoother. Maybe the previous character mentions something or suggests a new thief for Riolu to visit? It's really just the transitions between the scenes themselves that I found a bit rough. They really are a lovely little ragtag bunch of friends, though. I took a shine to them right away.

On the topic of taking a shine, this set of chapters had me absolutely rolling with laughter.
Two Aura Guardians walked into a bar.
Two Aura Guardians walked into a completely different bar.
omg I'm dead, deceased, expired, passed on. my ghost sends their regards.

Other lines that were laugh out loud funny:
A Spinda was actually walking straight for once.
I would always yell "Sneak Attack!" before I struck my foe."
"Oh no, the living bong is here to stop us, I'm so scared,"
"Do you still want to be my partner?" said Aaron. Wait. He'd already said that. "Do you still want to be my partner?" Oh no, not again. And he was frozen in place too. Aaron realized he had been hit with the Wynaut's Encore.


The Wynaut snickered and headed off. Aaron was stuck in place parroting himself for a few minutes before it wore off and he collapsed with a moan.
Just, my god, never change. Whether it's dialogue or situational gags, your sense of humor is amazing. The encore being used on poor Aaron, and really that whole sequence when the world was out to make it the worst Monday in the history of Mondays, I feel so bad but I was laughing the whole time. Poor kid. Can't catch a break...

Unless..... 👀

Speaking of scene transitions, the break right as Aaron notices something, man that hits different knowing your penchant for jumping between Aaron and Riolu's separate plots (which aren't so separate any more aaaaaaa). I was wondering how these two might cross paths and wow, it was expected in the best kind of way! The heist plan, the heist gone wrong, Riolu's escape, and then this:
Riolu approached the human. The human slowly looked up from his lurching position and his expression turned from one of anger to one of wonder and curiosity. Riolu gulped. He should probably keep this formal...


~...I ask of you. Will you be my master?~
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man, I honestly had to try so hard to stop myself here before reading on to chapter 10 (so I can gush about that one separately). I just think this set of three works together so well to build up to the end of chapter 9, it just felt right. Nine chapters of hardship and anticipation leading up to this one moment, I can see why you were so hype to get this chapter out. The payoff is totally worth it.

A few small errors I noticed:
The Fighting Thieves were all gathered together in their, Koba standing on a platform a bit taller than all of them.
Looks like you missed a word after "their" here.

The Musharna threw another at Koba, but he threw up a Protect, shielding himself, Riolu, and Polly.
And I had to double take at this one. Guessing "Polly" should be Nicholas? Unless she magically teleported into the vault and joined the Fighting Thieves lol

I'm really enjoying this fic and your varied and quirky cast of characters.
Ensemble cast? ✅
Murder mystery? ✅
Canon characters? ✅

Yeah, it's got everything. Keep up the great work!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya,

I originally was on the hunt for a story to get in some bonus points today, and I realized that in all these years, I actually never wrote you a formal review, @Umbramatic . And HAA was just lying there. Now it doesn't qualify for the review bonus, but I had enough fun reading and catching up anyways that I figured I'd just write some stuff out for thoughts and see where it went.

Chapter 1

This is one of the greatest love stories our world has ever known.

Not a ROMANTIC love story though. One between friends. A human and a Pokemon, destined to meet and do great things. The famous parts have been told many times before with a few... additions but I figured I'd start from the very beginning.

Who am I and why am I qualified to tell this story you say? Name's Polly Pteryx and let's say I was involved...

But are there explosions involved? :V

Somewhere in Johto, around 2005 After Skybreak (around 1000 years before the present)

... Not sure how much I'm feeling the notion of cold-dropping the notion of "After Skybreak", since as an epoch name, it clearly references a major event in-setting, but we don't really have a solid idea of what it is. Maybe it'd have made more sense to have Polly explain or hint a bit more as to what it was, since admittedly, I'm a bit lost as to what exactly "Skybreak" is or why it would be significant.

A blue-haired, blue-eyed boy dressed in simple clothes was reaching for a ball stuck in a tree. No dice. He sighed and started climbing up. He was almost there. He could almost feel it in his fingers.

Then he slipped.

He fell, and something glowed with power in his throat. He let out a yell, and the yell turned into a sonic boom that echoed all around.

Then he landed, with a thud, leaving the boy panting in exhaustion on his back.

I'll avoid repeating this too much since a glance over the prose seems to indicate that this is just a general thing, and you specifically asked for your reviewers to avoid spending too much breath talking about description quibbles, but I think that some of these paragraphs could stand to be expanded with a few more sentences going a bit more beat-by-beat for the action. It's most noticeable in the third and fourth paragraphs. As a throwaway example to consider, even if I'm taking a leap into the beyond as to how you're visualizing things:

There was a blue-haired, blue-eyed boy dressed in simple clothes, straining up to reach into the boughs of a tree with a red ball stuck in it. How on earth had he even managed this? But no matter, just a little more and...

N
o dice. The ball was just beyond his grasp, even while jumping. He sighed and clambered onto the trunk, carefully placing his hands and feet into natural toeholds in the trunk and started climbing up. A few pulls and steps up, and he was almost there. The ball was right there, he could almost feel it in his fingers.

Then he slipped.

The boy felt empty air under his arms and legs as he fell, and something suddenly glowed a brilliant blue in his throat. He let out a yell, and the yell turned into a powerful sonic boom that visibly distorted the air about him and echoed all around.

And then he hit the ground with a thud, leaving the boy panting in exhaustion on his back. Able to do nothing but stare up at the tree's boughs. ... His ball was still stuck there.

Something for you to consider, anyways.

He lay there a while, waiting for one of the village's adults to find him, when he heard a strange noise.

He weakly turned his head and saw a yellow Pokemon with small wings and a drill-like tail staring intently at him.

"H-Hello?" the boy said softly.

The Dunsparce hissed and used its tail to bury itself underground in reply.

Aaron: "Wow, who spit in your tea this morning?" >_>;

The boy sighed and slowly started to get to his feet when he noticed a young woman approaching his location.

The woman was blonde with green eyes and was wearing strange clothing unfamiliar to the boy, a uniform with what seemed to be a two-part coat and a wide-brimmed hat with a spiky end and decorated with a symbol resembling three claw marks arranged in a triangular fashion. Upon further notice she also carried a staff of some sort in her left hand, both hands being gloved.

The boy backed away from her quickly.

"Y-you aren't from the village, miss..."

Gee, whatever tipped you off there, Aaron? >:V

The woman blinked, then sighed and put a hand to her forehead.

"Kid, look, I'm not here to hurt you. You had a nasty enough fall there."

The boy stood and stared at her before tilting his head.

"How do you know about the fall?"

I... didn't get a strong sense that more than about a minute had passed since Aaron fell out of the tree. Like he made a massive racket falling out, so it might make sense to slip some more acknowledgement of how long the guy's been there such that his immediate assumption is "... How do you know about this?"

Polly: "You made a sonic boom with a shout. How do you expect me not to hear that?" >_>;
Aaron: "Okay, fair point.

He yelped as the Dunsparce from earlier slithered up from behind him and up to rest at the woman's feet.

"My Dunsparce told me. Don't worry, she's friendly... If a bit odd."

The Dunsparce nodded in affirmation to both statements.

"She... told... you?" said the boy.

He looked up at the woman in wonder. "You can talk to Pokemon?"

Polly: "Is that really so unbelievable when there's fics that have literally been going on for 20 years where talking to Pokémon is mainstream in-setting?" :|
Aaron: "To be fair, that's not our setting, so..." -_-;

~Yep. Like this.~

The boy jumped, looked at the woman in bewilderment, then looked around wildly. That was her voice, but her mouth hadn't moved at all, where-

~Kid, it's me. I'm talking to you with my head, it's called telepathy.~

Okay, yeah. That would be handy for talking to Pokémon even with a hard language barrier. At least if that telepathy works like it does in the anime.

The boy looked up at her again, eyes widening. "You.. You..."

The woman gave a small smile. "Kid, you aren't the only one out there with 'magic powers'."

The boy grinned, and bounced up and down excitedly. "You have powers like I do! And you're big and strong and that means I'm not a freak! Like, I can do the talaplethy thing too!"

He closed his eyes and scrunched his face in. ~Se... wh... mea...~

Polly: ~... Yeah, don't quit your day job, kid~ :/
Aaron: "I-I just need a little practice!" >///<

He stopped, opened his eyes, panted profusely, then looked up at the woman with a nervous chuckle and grin. "I-I'm still working on it, miss..."

The woman raised an eyebrow. "...I can tell."

Oh hey, I called that reaction. :V

The Dunsparce gave a "sparce" and a snicker-like hiss before the woman nudged her with her boot.

"But wait, you've got better powers than I do," said the boy, "and you've got that really nice outfit..."

His eyes lit up. "You're a wizard!"

The woman blinked. "I'm a what?"

She blinked and sighed with a hand to her head again as what the boy said more fully clicked. "Kid, no no no, not really, I'm an Aura Guardian. A group of people with powers like us. This outfit - the hat, the coat, the boots the staff the cape - that's our uniform.

... Wait, so do Aura Guardians in this setting all have outfits in the style of Aaron's in M08, or do they have variations like different colors? Since... I admittedly can't tell from the text, and that's kinda a major detail you want to communicate.

She gestured to her "coat".

"...Well on my end, I had to convince them to make the cape an extension of my coat since it suited my fighting style better..."

"You fight evildoers?!" said the boy, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Wha-"

The woman shook her head. "When we need to yes, whenever they threaten the peace of civilians or those on the Auri-"

[ ]

She threw her hands up in the air and groaned.

I think you might want to slip in some sort of reaction from Aaron there to the Aura Guardian since she kinda cuts herself off abruptly. It works a bit better/is funnier if something like Aaron cutting in with "That's so cool!" happens, and then the lady gets annoyed about it.

"Kid, I'd already been on patrol duty long enough both time and distance-wise before I found you. I can answer all your little questions later. Right now I've got a question for you - where the hell are your parents?"

The boy blinked, then shuffled a bit. "Me and my mom live further in the village. I used to have a dad but..."

He shook his head. "You can still see my mom, though! Follow me!"

He started running off. The woman headed after, her Dunsparce slithering and fluttering after.

>bringing a random stranger to meet your only parent
701630550720512120.png


I mean, I get that she's an Aura Guardian, but still, that sounds like a recipe to wind up getting robbed one day. :V

A different woman with blue hair and blue eyes like the boy's was tending to her house when she heard a knock at her door.

She opened it to see said boy and the blonde woman standing before her.

"Ma'am?" said the latter, clenching her right fist and crossing it over her chest. "Polly Pteryx of the Genesis Mountain Aura Guardians. I'm here about your son's... condition."

The boy's mother gave a small gasp but moved to let Polly and her own son in, giving a small yelp as the Dunsparce slithered in after then rushing over to her son and hugging him.

"Dear, are you OK?! Did something happen?!"

Wait, does Aaron's mother recognize that Polly is an Aura Guardian? Since something just feels off about "this stranger has my kid", like one would expect a "huh?" or an "uneasy" reaction unless you recognize very specifically that the stranger is someone you can trust. But... it doesn't really come through. Mind you, you can literally settle things one way or another by dropping a sentence elaborating on that reaction in the second paragraph, but it's something that stood out to me.

"Yeah Mom, the bullies put my ball in a tree and I fell trying to get it, but then this lady and her Dunsparce came to help!"

That's... kinda coming out of left field. Like I feel that even something as simple as mentioning it in passing in the opening sequence as something that just happened would've made things feel a bit more grounded.

"Oh, ma'am, I can't thank you enough!"

Polly nodded. "You're welcome. But your son's power is still something to be discussed."

"...Go on?"

"Well, let him have a say first. Kid, what happened when you fell?"

The boy thought for a second. "Well... I got scared and something in my chest started moving and I screamed so loud it exploded!"

487.jpg


I'm not sure if the ambiguous dialogue is intentional or not, since in the current prose, you can read that as Aaron's chest having exploded.

The boy's mother blinked. Polly nodded.

"That sounds about what my Dunsparce told me probably happened. She can pick up a lot by scent and vibrations."

Her Dunsparce gave a hiss and "Dun!" of gratitude.

Polly turned to the boy's mother. "Your boy has one hell of an Auric Scream."

His mother blinked. "Auric what?"

Mother: "... Dear, if this 'Auric Scream' made you explode, how did you get back together?"
701630550720512120.png

Aaron: "No, no. It made the air around me explode. I'm fine."
Mother: "Er..." o_o;

Polly sighed. "Your son has power over the force known as Aura that flows through every living thing. All Pokemon can tap into it to some extent, but only a rare few humans, like your son..."

She rolled up her sleeve to let a pink, scythelike blade of energy extend from a slit in the middle of her glove around her ulna.

"...And me."

Ah, I see that aura can have hard light properties in this setting.

The boy, enraptured, moved a bit closer to the blade. Polly quickly noticed and dissipated it.

"Careful, kid, that thing's sharp. I'm on the quadrant with powers closest to a Psychic-type Pokemon, that thing's basically my equivalent of a Psycho Cut."

The boy shifted again. "Sorry, ma'am..."

Oh right, I assume that this story is using that old system of "Aura and Obscura" from WAAPT. That's certainly a blast from the past, even if it's kinda a unique enough system that it probably merits walking the readers through it briefly since... yeah. Very few people who don't have knowledge of WAAPT would know what that means or how it's organized.

He immediately perked up. "Wait, what does that mean I have? Dragon type powers? Steel type powers?"

Polly frowned slightly. "Sorry kid, they sadly aren't quite that varied in us humans. Tell you what, if you want to find out, why don't you try making something with your powers like I did?"

Yeah, like Polly's line there would be a decent place to drop in the brief spiel, especially if as an Aura Guardian, she only needs to worry of 2 out of the 4 quadrants.

The boy beamed, and cupped his hands, only to notice all three of his mother, Polly, and Polly's Dunsparce moving back noticeably.

"...Why are you all doing that?"

"I-It's so we have a good view, sweetie!" said his mother.

:sceptical:


~Nice save,~ said Polly to her telepathically.

D-Don't get in my head like that!

~You're welcome.~

Wow, I see that Polly's quite the troll there.
803821849384583219.png


The boy concentrated, grit his teeth as a ball of blue-green energy formed between his hands and grew larger and larger until-

It exploded. The house rattled, the mother flinched and yelped as a pot fell off a table and shattered right next to her. The boy was blown back, knocked to the floor and lay there breathing heavily a while before muttering:

"...I'm OK..."

I'm a little surprised that Aaron's mom isn't reflexively going over to try and aid him, since... yeah, her child kinda got flung to the ground by a ball of light that blew up in his face.

"Well," said Polly. "There we have it."

She turned to the boy's mother again.

"Your son has the most potential with the brand of Aura closest to that of Fighting types I've ever seen in someone his age; that would've been a damn good approximation of a Focus Blast if he'd managed to fully charge it."

Mother: "He blew up the house!" >.<
Polly: "Oh come on, it was just a pot anyways. I'm sure you can get a replacement-"
Mother: "We're peasants..." >_>;
Polly: "... Right, I can pay for that."

She looked back to the boy and furrowed her brow.

"...The bad news is he also has the least refined powers of anyone on that part of the power spectrum I've ever seen."

The boy's mother blinked. "And that means...?"

"We can train him."

"...What?"

Polly: "Trust us, for everyone's safety, you want us to train him."
701630550720512120.png

Aaron: "But wasn't the ball of light supposed to blow up like that?" :?
Polly: "Er... no."

"The Aura Guardians seek to hone the potential of everyone with the power of the Wave to live their lives to the fullest. That includes your son."

"I..."

Polly: "Also, it'll help your son get a rein over his powers before he properly blows up a house on accident."
Mother: "Can't he just try not using his powers?" ._.
Polly: "Look lady, that's not a healthy solution and everyone here knows that." >_>;

The boy's mother paused. "I... I'm not sure what to do... After we lost Issac..."

"Mom... I... I want to."

The boy's mother turned to see him getting to his feet.

"If they're gonna accept my powers... Make me stronger... I want them to help me.

His mother stared, then nodded and smiled.

I realize that the ship has probably sailed since it's a non-trivial edit and you're not in the market for those, but I think that Aaron's entire spiel there would've worked better if we actually saw him get bullied over his powers even briefly earlier on, and got a better idea that it's been going on for a long while.

Polly smiled as well. "Good; we'll get you up to the monastery in a few months."

Her brow furrowed again.

"Though... Geez, sorry it slipped my mind until now, but what's your name, kid?"

The boy smiled softly.

"It's Aaron!"

Mother: "How do you forget that until just now?" >_>;
Polly: "Oi, I'm busy with Wave Guardian duties. It happens."

The forest was dim at sunset; the Pidgey and Starly were retreating to their roosts as the Hoothoot and Murkrow were emerging from theirs. Amid it all, however, in a small clearing, one avian Pokemon stayed groundbound and vigilant - A Blaziken with an X-shaped scar on his forehead watching over a small, blue-and-black egg nestled in a shallow burrow.

The Blaziken raised his haunches as he sensed something approaching, but relaxed upon his sharp eyes seeing it was a familiar female Lucario and gave a beaky smile.

"...Hey honey. It's not your turn yet."

"I know, Ginji," said the female Lucario, "I just wanted to check in."

PMD manga nods ahoy!

"Well, I think it's doing all right... I don't have Flame Body or Magma Armor or anything, but I'm keeping it warm."

He stood up and looked at her, rubbing the back of his head.

"Though, could you use those Aura powers of yours to check? Mine are only good for ol' punches and kicks and such..."

At first I did a double-take, but... right. Every fighting type technically has Aura under a WAAPT-style system. I feel as if this could've been communicated for the readers a bit better, but meh. You can still kinda put two and two together.

She nodded, her eyes closing and the feelers on the back of her head raising as she focused on the egg. She suddenly opened her eyes and gasped.

"It's close! Very close! It could hatch any-"

"Hey!" said a third voice, "Sis, you're supposed to be on hunting du-"

The source of the voice, a second, male Lucario, entered the clearing and sneered at Ginji.

"Why are you with him right now?"

Ginji: "Wow. Rude." >v<

She scowled back. "He's my mate. Our egg is about to hatch."

The male Lucario rolled his eyes. "Right. Tell that hybrid thing when it hatches it's no more a real part of our pack than his wingless chicken-eagle of a fa-"

He was cut off mid sentence by said chicken-eagle standing right in front of him, looming over him and giving his own scowl.

"Okay, listen, buddy," said Ginji. "You nepotist canines can literally dogshit on me anytime you want normally, but me and my mate are having an important moment here. So fuck off, unless you want all that Taurosshit about me being a threat to the pack to not be such Taurosshit for you specifically."

Ginji: "Honey, with all due respect, but why are we still here when the rest of your family doesn't exactly like me?" >v<
Lucario: "Because our baby needs to learn how to use Aura properly." -_-;

The second Lucario backed away, stooped with raised haunches, and gave a defiant snarl before dashing off.

"G-Ginji..." said the female. "He's going to tell the others about this..."

"Eh, they always come up with something, this makes zilch difference," he said. "Let's just focus on-"

Suddenly, they heard a loud cracking. The two rushed over just in time for the egg to fall apart and reveal a small, undeveloped and yipping Riolu pup, its eyes closed.

Ginji: "Heh, talk about perfect timing there."

"They made it!" said the female Lucario. "We did it!"

"Heh, we did! Now let's check on the little fella more closely..."

He scooped up the yipping pup in his foretalons and held him up to inspect his hindquarters.

"It looks like a male. We might find out otherwise later, but for now he's our little boy."

Ginji: "... Actually, how do I know how to sex a mammal again when I'm a chicken?"
720106605982646283.png

Lucario: "Because you've been living around mammals constantly and it's not exactly hard with the text's implication?"
732415158126772355.png

Ginji: "... Right, I suppose that you're all a lot more forward about that than us." ^v^;

The female Lucario smiled and looked up to Ginji. "Will he have a human name like yours?"

"I'm debating it. Might be a good idea, might not be."

The Riolu pup snuggled up to Ginji's chest as he gave another beaky smile.

"For now, I don't care what the rest of this pack says. This little guy's going places."

Well that's certainly truer than Ginji ever imagined. I actually forgot what Ginji called his son, if anything. Though "Gen" would've been a cute meta nod given... yeah, that's the JPN name of another very Luke-themed aura-using human.

Chapter 2

The cart rattled and shook, and Aaron braced himself. He took a deep breath, and looked around at the other children, about as nervous and confused as he was. He was about to ask where exactly they were going, but got the feeling from more than just his Aura senses that most of the others didn't know either. What he could tell was that many came from far from his home, and far from theirs as well.

And then the Rapidash pulling the cart finally stopped. The kids quickly but nervously filed out. Aaron was last, and gazed up at where they had arrived.

Before them was a huge stone monastery, built into the mountain. Its spires and columns loomed over Aaron and made him feel small - not that that was a foreign feeling. He cowered slightly as they were led inside, through winding hallways, and finally into a courtyard, where the woman who had recruited him stood. Once all the children had gathered there she paced stoically before them.

This bit is actually pretty good for description. If you do go back to fluff things out in general, I'd recommend using this as a baseline for the level of detail to slip into your writing in general, since I can get a much better mental image of what's going on in this portion.

Polly: "Welcome to Rota, kiddos."

"Before you kids all crawl off to your barracks and attempt to get comfy," said Polly, "I've been put in charge of giving you a rundown of what you're here for, so sit your asses tight until I'm done!"

Aaron gulped.

"She said a bad word..." whispered one of the children.

Polly:
dontcaregif.jpg


"So," said Polly. "Can any of you kids tell me what Aura is?"

A child raised their hand. "It's a kind of life force, right?"

"Correct," said Polly. "All living beings have it in some form, and in particular in combination with other forces it's what gives Pokemon their powers! Their individual Auras express themselves in tandem with the Pokemon's biology to give them their typings and attacks."

She held up her palm and conjured a pink orb. "But sometimes, certain humans, like me and all of you, can tap into those same forces. The only known ways they crop up correspond loosely to the powers of certain Fighting, Ghost, Psychic, and Dark types. Now can anyone tell me what the terms for these powers in humans are?"

Another child raised their hand. "Aura, Psychokinesis, and the two kinds of Obscura, right?"

Ah right, here's the primer of "Aura and Obscura" in the story.

"Correct," said Polly. "Aura is just called Aura because among most people it's thought to be the only "real" kind of Auric power. Any actual Aura Guardian or even hedge Auric knows that's bullshit."

She sighed. "Of course, we're here to educate you. But that's not all we're doing."

Oh well, she's certainly teaching the impressionable kids a few things. I dunno if the rest of the Aura Guardians will be terribly impressed to find out what though.
803821849384583219.png


She brandished her staff. "We're Aura Guardians, who use our powers to defend the weak and innocent! Granted, we can't really go it alone..."

She tapped the staff on the ground. A sphere of light emerged from the crystal at its tip, growing and stretching to congeal as a Metagross. The children gasped, murmuring among each other as the Metagross looked them over.

"This is Metagross, one of my Pokemon partners. Your powers alone won't be able to get out of every scrape. For the rest, you have your Pokemon. And they're especially helpful because if it comes to a human against a Pokemon, the Pokemon always wins."

Ah, I see that Aura Guardians get the equivalent of Aaron's M08 staff as standard issue Pokéball standins.

One of the kids piped up. "I can take your Metagross!"

Whelp that kid's a goner.

"Really?" said Polly, smirking. "Come up here."

The child did so, fists swinging eagerly.

"Now hit him," said Polly. "With your powers, preferably."

The child, without hesitation, yelled and rushed Metagross, their hands glowing. Without removing his eyes from Aaron, Metagross immediately sidestepped, knocked the child over with one of his legs, then pinned them to the ground telekinetically. The child just kind of stared upward, slowly registering their defeat, before Metagross let them go and they ran hurriedly and sheepishly back into the crowd.

I'm reminded of that one bit in The Dragon Prince where the protag just gets casually demolished in a mock swordfighting session. But... yeah, don't try to fight the giant enemy psychic crabs, kiddos.

"And that is why you kids need training! This is why you need partners!" said Polly. "Sure you could make it on your own if you got lucky, but as you are?" You'd be dead the moment you cross any human or Pokemon enough, powers or no. And I nor anyone else here could bear to have that happen."

The children had fallen into stunned silence. Aarons stared in horror. The Metagross kept watching.

Aaron: "... What on earth did I sign up for when I left mom?" o_o;
Polly: "Firm life lessons."
476581281094828033.png


"Anyway, that is your first lesson," said Polly.. "I'll take you to Vince and he'll show you to your dormitories."

She walked off. The children silently shuffled after. Aaron remained where he was a long while before realizing he should probably get going and started to head after.

It was then he noticed the Metagross was still staring at him.

"Uh... Hi?"

Aaron: "I-I don't want to spar with you, just saying!" O_O;

He almost jumped out of his boots upon hearing the voice of a reply in his head.

~Hey. Are you OK, kid?~

"Uh, y-yeah, I'm OK... Wait, you can talk? But you're a Pokemon!"

~All Pokemon can talk. Just only some of them in a way most humans can understand.~

Metagross: ~Also, in case if you couldn't gather from the text formatting, but I'm using telepathy right now, so it's a bit helpful.~

"Woah, that's so cool!" said Aaron, eyes sparkling. He paused, then looked in the direction Polly went. "Why was Polly so mean? She was nice before..."

~Polly's like that. I've known her since she was a child.~

"Really? You gotta tell me more!"

~Not right now, kid,~ said Metagross, starting to trudge off. ~I have things to do.~

Aaron: "(Like Pokémon, like trainer, I see.)" >_>;

"Wait! But there's so much I wanna know!"

~Due time, rookie, due time.~

And Metagross walked away. Aaron paused, sighed, then scurried off after the others.

inb4 Polly and Metagross are wiling away their time on the Psychic analogue to Discord voice chat :V

In the forest, the trees swayed, the branches shook. On a clearing the Riolu stood with his father.

"Alright, then!" said Ginji. "Today I'm going to teach you some important things, things the rest of the pack would rather I not."

Riolu: "Uh... is this about the 'birds and the bees' thing that I heard about?" ._.;
Ginji: "What? No! You don't need to worry about that until after evolution! (Also, your mother should probably handle that one since... I think you probably want a mammalmon handling that lesson for you.)" >v>;

The Riolu shuffled nervously. "What, Dad?"

Ginji made a dramatic flourish with his claws.

"About humans!"

Riolu blinked. "What are those?"

Ginji: "You know, naked apes. Same general body plan as us. Can't take a punch?"
Riolu: "... Dad, I've literally never seen a human before. Maybe try taking things from the top?" ._.;

Ginji shrugged. "On the immediately visible end, not much. Weird two-legged apes that aren't even Pokemon and only rarely even know any attacks of like... Four types. Some more cynical Pokemon say Arceus messed up some perfectly good monkey mons."

Riolu tilted his head. "Then why do I have to learn about them, Dad?"

"Because despite all that, they're special! They create things and ideas it takes ages for most Pokemon to figure out! They're masters of tactical thinking! And most importantly of all we Pokemon made a special promise to them! One of friendship!"

Ah right, I see that even after all these years, we basically gave humans the same "hat" with regard to their role in Pokéworld. I mean, not that I'm super opposed to the take there. :V

"A... Promise?"

Ginji grabbed a stick and started drawing in the dirt. "Long ago, humans first came to this world, and they and Pokemon were divided. Then one day, in the Sinnoh region, there was a great meeting! One where humans and Pokemon came to terms, and decided to help and not hurt one another."

By now he had drawn a circle in the dirt.

"This agreement was known as The Vow; a promise to work toward humans and Pokemon being stronger together than apart."

He drew a line through the circle, then a smaller circle in the center.

"Wow..." said Riolu.

Oh hey, it's the Pokéball logo. I see that that sigil had quite a bit of staying power here, though... I'm actually not sure what the story behind it would be. Perhaps that's something to bring up in a future revision since... yeah, feels kinda luck of the draw there.

He then noticed the top half of the bigger circle was somehow red.

"...Dad? How did you get color with a stick?"

Ginji winked. "I learned it from my old Trainer."

... Actually, how did Ginji get color on that stick? Since it wasn't described as there being pigment on either end of it in the narration.
401085511176814613.png


"Trainer?"

"That's part of the Vow, son. Human Trainers use their quick wits to coach teams of Pokemon in sporting battles and other activities! It's really fun!"

"Wow!" said Riolu.

Well, I dunno how fun it is if your trainer just sucks and you keep losing repeatedly. But I suppose that's what voting with your feet is for. :V

He frowned. "Why don't you have a Trainer anymore?"

Ginji looked at him for a minute, then sighed.

"The Vow's not perfect, son. My old Trainer, he... He died trying to protect me from another Pokemon."

It might have made sense to add an extra sentence or two elaborating on how the Vow isn't perfect. For instance: [The Vow's not perfect, son. It... doesn't say anything about what to do when you're facing down others who don't care about it.] is one potential way of filling it in that ties in with Ginji's backstory there.

"Oh..." said Riolu.

He paused, then cautiously went up and hugged his dad's leg. "I'm sorry, Dad..."

Ginji smiled. "Heh, thanks, son. Now come on, we've got to go do hunting and battle practice with your mom."

"Okay dad!"

And they headed off.

Ginji's line there... is kinda mood whiplash-y. Like it honestly would smooth things out quite a bit if it was framed in terms of "Don't worry about it" kinda like this really quick and lazy proposal:

["... Don't worry about it, son. It was all a long time ago, and I still had happy parts of my life after that. Like when I met your mother," Ginji smiled. "Now come on, we've got to go do hunting and battle practice with your mom."]

I personally feel it'd be most impactful to basically take a variant of the bit in brackets, but spread it across two paragraphs plus a descriptor in between, but I'll leave that bridge for you to cross should you desire.

Chapter 3

As Aaron entered the barracks, he looked around to find the other kids bunched together, being directed by an Aura guardian with scruffy blonde hair and dark skin.


"Alright kids, single file line while I sort you into your dorms, and no funny business! I've got enough bullshit to deal with."

I'll just bring it up off the bat, but you should make a point of keeping your chapters' spacing visually consistent with each other since... yeah, this chapter kinda has double double spacing compared to the first two.

Aaron quickly complied, disappearing within the crowd.


The mass grew smaller and smaller as more and more kids were sorted. Finally it was Aaron's turn. The Aura Guardian - who Aaron assumed was Vince - looked him over oddly before thumbing to a nearby room.


"M8."


Aaron's eyes drifted over to a room labeled M8. Silently wondering why he didn't get one of the higher-up rooms, he quickly headed towards it.

Oh hey, nice movie nod there. :V

Inside he found a pale. black-haired boy staring off into space and grumbling, a Scyther observing him.


"Hello?" said Aaron.


The boy looked over. "What do YOU want?" he said. The Scyther took notice and chittered, placing the flat of a scythe on his knee. The boy noticed and sighed. "Sorry..."

I can already hear the "Be nice coming from the man-sized bug there.

"It's... All right?" said Aaron. "Are we gonna live together now?"


"Yeah duh. We aren't the only ones though."


"Not the only ones...?"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY


"Boo!"


Aaron yelped and whipped around. Behind him was a girl with maroon hair and decently dark skin, in particularly ragged clothing. Her teeth seemed unusually sharp, and she was giving him a manic look.


"Ha! Got you good!"


She also had the strangest accent Aaron had ever heard. What could ever-


"In case you're wondering," said the boy. "Callie was raised by Necrozma cultists."

I could've sworn this story started before SM launched. Was this bit added in a later revision? Or am I just misremembering?

"For Necrozma!" Callie said in response. A small, gray and black salamander-like Pokemon skittered up her body to her shoulder and gave a hissy chuckle.

Aaron: "Please never say that again." O_O;
Louis: "Oh yeah, that'll really stop her." >_>;

"Anyway," said the other boy, "I'm Louis. "The Scyther's Rook, the Salandit is Munchkin."

But is he a merry munchkin? :V

"I'm Aaron!" said Aaron. Nice to meet you all!"


"Just be glad you haven't met the other two residents of this dorm yet," said Louis.


"Other two?"


At that point there was a roar, and a girl with wild hair and broken glasses leaped at Aaron. Aaron yelped and leaped out of the way, and was faced with the girl and a Pawniard that was waving its blades wildly in no particular direction.


"You're in my territory," said the girl.

Aaron: "I'm... starting to think that I should find a new room right about now."
701630550720512120.png


"Atta! Stabby! He's just the new kid!" said Louis.


Atta looked Aaron over and snarled. "You live."


Stabby moved his blades in an "I'm watching you" motion.


Aaron gulped.

Aaron: "(Louis, how is any of this okay?!)" >_>;
Louis: "(I mean, you're in a school for not-wizards. Did you really think that you weren't going to get stuck with some real characters?"
476581281094828033.png


"Anyway!" said Callie to Aaron. "Do you have a Pokemon?"

Aaron:
701630550720512120.png


"Me?" said Aaron. "I don't... Always wanted one but could never make friends with one..."


"Maybe they just don't like your personality," said Louis.

Wow, rude.

"You're one to talk," said Atta.


"H-Hey!" said Louis. "I have Rook, don't I?"


The Scyther gave a buzzy sigh.

So was that "that's not a high bar to cross"? :V

"Okay!" said Callie, pointing. "Your bunk is over there."


Aaron looked over to a ragged old bed, and lay down in it to get some rest, which translated to staring upward as his roommates bickered.


So much for making friends.

Considering the quality of the roommates' first impression... yeah, I think you can do better, Aaron.
803821849384583219.png


It was mealtime in what Aaron assumed to be a mess hall. Bored-looking Aura Guardians served food of varying quality to the hungry children and Pokemon, who quickly moved to their seats. Aaron moved to sit with his bunkmates and their Pokemon, only to see they were a ways off from the others.

Is all of that quality edible? >:V

"What's going on?" said Aaron, blinking.


"People don't like sitting next to us," said Louis, Rook chittering in confirmation.

Aaron: "(With the way you all introduced yourselves to me, gee I wonder why.)" >_>;

"Except her!" said Callie.


"Her...?" said Aaron, looking over.


A black-haired girl approached the table, looking around nervously, before sitting down with the group. A Gligar followed shortly after.


"Hey guys..."


"Hi!" said Aaron.


The girl blinked. "You're new."


The Gligar snickered.

... Well this seems promising already. At least in terms of the amount of shenanigans that'll ensue. :V

"I'm Aaron, and yep I'm new!"


"...I'm Eve. Guess I'm not the new kid at the freak table anymore."

Well that conversation went places.

"Huh? Why are we freaks?"

-Aaron thinks back to his introduction about 5 minutes ago-
Aaron: "... Okay, I already have some sneaking suspicions, but let's hear the explanation from your own words..." >_>;

"It's a long story, but seems you've already been marked as one by association," said Louis. "Also what happened with you and Polly."


"Huh? I can't be a freak! I was always a freak at home! I came here to not be a freak!"


"Tough luck," said Atta.


"Kids are cruel," said Callie, shrugging as Munchkin snuck bits of food.

Aaron: "... I feel robbed right now." >_>;

Aaron groaned, and the Gligar chuckled at him further."Cut it out, Iuroidea," said Eve to the Gligar. Iuroidea reluctantly stopped.


"Now what do I do?" said Aaron.


"Do what we do. Survive." said Louis.

Aaron: "Gee, what a goal there." ._.

"Or join Necrozma!" said Callie.


"You don't really need to convert every new person, Callie," said Eve.

-snerk-

Callie tilted her head. "I... Don't?"


"This is the tenth time I've told you this."


Callie just stared. Her eyes glazed over. A whip from Munchkin's tail snapped her back to reality. "Isn't this food great?" she said.

Aaron: "..." ._.
- Inches away slowly from Callie -
Aaron: "(Starting to get regrets about bailing on mom and the village right now.)" >_>;

Aaron looked at his plate and then Callie's. His had decent-looking vegetables and potatoes, but hers... What even was that?


~Don't question it,~ said a voice in Aaron's head.


Aaron blinked, then looked over to Eve. She winked.

Aaron: "... I don't even want to know, do I?" >_<;
Eve: ~Probably not, no.~

Right, Aaron thought. Everyone has powers here. I'm at least not alone in that sense. Though...


"Uh..." said Aaron. "Weird question, what powers do you guys have?"


In response, Louis held up a ball of orange Aura. Callie wove wisps of Spectral Obscura through her fingers. Atta snarled and conjured Dark Obscuric claws. Eve sent a telepathic message of ~You already know.~

I feel like the power exhibition was more than a little sped up there. It might've made sense to fluff out Louis, Callie, and Atta's a bit. Eve's IMO works fine as-is as a closer/punchline.

"Right," said Aaron. My powers are more like Louis', here, watch..."


He started charging a ball of Aura between his palms. He focused on it, containing it.


Then the power suddenly swelled. The sphere swelled. Aaron couldn't contain it any longer.


BAM!


Aaron was knocked to the ground. His food was sent flying. Everyone stared.

... Should've just done the sonic scream there, buddy.

Everyone then laughed.


"Well, if you weren't with us in the freak club before you certainly are now," said Louis.


Aaron just lay there panting.

Aaron: "(Yeah, I really should've stayed in my home village if this is what training was going to entail!)" >.<

That night, Aaron lay in his bed, listening to the others in his bunk. Louis muttered obscenities in his sleep. Callie muttered incantations to Necrozma. Atta simply snarled. Their Pokemon seemed to be the only ones who slept normally.

... Sounds like a fantastic way to not sleep at all.
701630550720512120.png


Aaron thought to himself. His first day here... Hadn't gone so well. Polly had humiliated him, her Metagross had refused to help, he was immediately lumped with the "freak" kids, and he humiliated himself again trying to bond with them. Was the entire time going to be like this?


No. He couldn't let that happen. He'd find a way to improve things. He just needed to figure out a way how.

Or. Hear me out. You could go back to your village, get humiliated by the local kids, but have your mother to comfort you every night while you're still a kid. Sounds like it'd be at least a marginally healthier environment compared to your new status quo.

In the forest, light dappled in the trees as a Riolu approached a Lucario.


"Hey mom," said the Riolu.


"Hello, son," said the Lucario. "Today you're going to learn how to hunt."

Riolu: "T-Treasure hunt?"
701630550720512120.png

Lucario: "... Has Ginji been telling you stories of human life again?"
732415158126772355.png


Riolu rubbed his paws together awkwardly. "That means I have to... Kill, right?"


"Yes. It is what we must do to survive. However... Your Auric abilities will make it painful to bring harm to another without training. So getting practice in this early is essential."

Because empathic abilities, or...? Since I'm not really sure if I follow Momcario's explanation there.

Riolu nodded and looked around. "So... What do I have to do?"


"There is a Buneary denning further into these bushes. You must kill it and bring it back to me."


Riolu looked over hesitantly to the bushes in question and headed in.

Riolu: "Uh... mom? Aren't you supposed to bring back prey so that way I can practice at hunting without having to go off on my own and kill things right away?"
Lucario: "No, because we're jackals and that's a cat thing. Now chop-chop."

It was quiet except for the rustling leaves. Riolu could sense life with the feelers on the sides of his head, and it drew him further in. Eventually, he reached a burrow nestled in the fallen foliage, and he stood and waited.

Riolu: "Why does everything about this feel extremely wrong?" ._.;

Eventually a Buneary poked their head out, sniffing the air with their small, moist nose. They slowly, cautiously crept out and looked around.


That's when Riolu lunged with a Force Palm.


The Buneary gave a yell and tried to dodge, but the Force Palm managed to connect, causing them to fall over. Riolu recoiled from the empathic feedback, but pounced on the Buneary as they screamed, attempting to bite their throat. The Buneary suddenly gave a kick with their powerful legs and flipped the grappling Pokemon over so the Buneary was on top.

Well, that meat certainly isn't going to taste tender after he's done with his hunt. Since the #1 rule of hunting if you want your game to actually taste good is to down your prey quickly before the stress can make the meat tough and affect its taste from the likes of adrenaline getting into the body.

Instinctively, Riolu tried to kick the Buneary's side. Suddenly, Riolu's leg erupted into flame as he kicked the Buneary's torso with a sickening crack. The Buneary was sent flying with a pained scream before crashing, and trying to crawl and limp away. Riolu recovered from the empathetic shock and wondering what it was he'd even done before dashing over and giving a Force Palm straight to the Buneary's neck. He recoiled. The Buneary fell limp.


Riolu gasped and panted, clutching his body from the amount of feedback aches he felt. It was a while before he had recovered enough to slowly drag the Buneary out of the bushes.

Yeeeeeeah, this probably would've gone smoother if mom had given a tutorial or else been there to provide guidance.

Eventually Riolu managed to drag the dead Buneary out to his mother. She smiled.


"Good job! Excellent you got it on your first try."


"Thanks... Now what do I do with it?"


"Shouldn't it be obvious? You eat it."

Riolu: "... Is this sanitary?" ._.
Lucario: "No less so than everything else about our lifestyle."
476581281094828033.png

Riolu: "If you say so..."

Riolu stared down at the dead Buneary. Then at his mother. Then at the dead Buneary. Then at his mother. Then at the dead Buneary. Before finally digging in.


It was... Good. Better than the dry scraps he usually got, or even his mother's milk. He had blood all over his face but he was enjoying it.


His father approached. "Oh hey, I see you got one!"


"I did," said Riolu, looking up from his meal.

Why do I have a mental image of a length of intestine hanging from his mouth while he's saying this or something like that? ^^;

Seeing them both, he was reminded of something. "Mom, Dad? When I was kicking that Buneary to kill it, my leg caught on fire! But it didn't hurt at all! What does that mean?"


His mother's eyes widened. Ginji gave a beaky bird grin. "Well then! You learned one of my moves!"


"...I... Did?"

Riolu: "But you never taught me how to do that!" .-.

"Pokemon can learn moves passed down from their parents," said his mother. "Even if they're of different species."


"Yes! And you got my Blaze Kick!" said Ginji.


"...Huh, wow," said Riolu. "Guess I'll do it again sometime!"

Riolu: "I still feel as if I should probably get some sort of tutoring or something for this."
732415158126772355.png

Ginji: "Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, kid." ^v^

He then resumed digging into the Buneary while his parents conversed.


"Should he use that move around the pack?" said his mother.


"He'll be alright." said Ginji. "If anyone gives him trouble they'll have to deal with me."

Ginji: "Though depending on how quickly you pick that Blaze Kick up, you might be able to a pretty good job at kicking some Lucario tail on your own."
803821849384583219.png

Lucario: "Dear!" >_>;
Ginji: "What? It's true!"

"You can't intimidate them forever."


"...I know. But I'll do whatever it takes to protect you both."


Eventually Riolu finished his meal and joined his parents, who headed back to the pack.

Riolu: "... Mom, is it fine for me to just walk back to everyone a bloody mess like this?"
Lucario: "... We'll get you cleaned up later." ^^;


Riolu sat by himself, poking at rocks. It's usually what he had to do when his parents weren't immediately available - all the other Riolu avoided him for some reason. Every time he tried interacting with them they'd just move away or mutter something about their parents not letting them. Or both.

I mean, the pack is only blatantly speciesist and your dad's frightening to everyone, so...

His ears perked up. Was that his mom?


He headed over, clambering over a few rocks and pushing through a few bushes to get there. When he found his mother, however, he saw she was facing another Lucario - an old, scarred individual most of the rest of the pack knew to stay away from.


"You! You've been a burden for as long as this pack's existed! You hunt less, you keep watch less, you train less!"

Riolu: "... I thought old people were supposed to be jolly." .-.
Lucario: "No, where on earth did you ever get that idea from-?"
- Beat moment -
Lucario: "... Has Ginji been telling you stories again?" -_-;
Riolu: "Er... well, yes."

Hey! That wasn't true. Riolu checked, his mom did all those more than everyone else!


"And now you're cavorting with your birdbrain mate and your freak offspring!"

>Achieve 0 Audience Sympathy - any% speedrun (TAS)

His dad wasn't a birdbrain. He wasn't a freak.


...Was he?


"Your overgrown pile of feathers you call a mate can't protect you two forever! Someday judgement's gonna come down! Hell, it may very well be from me! Ha!"

That last line smells like tempting fate if I ever heard it.

That did it.


Riolu's leg erupted into flame. He rushed forward and began kicking the old, scarred Lucario in the legs as he howled in agony. His mother quickly grabbed him and started running away as the old, scarred Lucario yelled after them clutching his leg.


"Freak! Freak! Freak!"

Ginji: "Hey! Nice form there!"
Lucario: "Dear!" >.<
Ginji: "What? It was nice form..."
720106605982646283.png


"And you what?" said Ginji, in a forest clearing with his family a bit later.


"I... I used your move... I just didn't want him to hurt you and mom..."


"That bag of bones? He's too old and lame to do anything but make threats. If I was aware he was harassing your mom I would have busted him in short order, so you should have gotten me."

Oh, so I was basically right about how Ginji would've reacted to that whole episode.
822923369149890622.png


"Dear," said Riolu's mom, "You really don't have to deal with every member of the pack who-"


"Yes I do!" said Ginji. "I care about you two! You're the only family I have after what happened to my Trainer!"


He paused, panted heavily. "I... I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself..."

I'm pretty sure Ginji dies in like a chapter after this unless something changed in HAA's plot so that's just ever so slightly an "uhh... funny story about that" moment...
701630550720512120.png


"...Dad? Thank you."


"Thank you for everything Ginji."


Ginji paused. Then carefully pulled the other two into a hug.

Aw... how sweet. While it lasts.

The old, scarred Lucario was limping back to the rest of the pack.


"Oh, just wait until the alphas hear about this!" he said. "That damn bird will be history!"

Shouldn't you be ever so slightly concerned at how fast you're nuking your sympathy to the audience, buddy? Since that's usually a pretty good sign that you don't have much of a stage presence left.

It was then he noticed a distinct glow in his Aura senses, but couldn't ascertain its exact location.

"Eh? Who's that?"


His Aura feelers flared as he tried to pinpoint the source.


It was then he realized the source was right on top of him.

iu


Claws and teeth dug in, rending limbs in spurts of blood. Fire burnt into flesh, loosening it from bone.


The old Lucario screamed.

Time to cue the appropriate music:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnoqzFrQ_aY


I'll spare you the broken record about structural issues you asked your reviewers not to spend too much time and energy talking about other than to say, I do feel your story would benefit from a solid once-over to try and address some of them more thoroughly. Even with those quibbles, it's a cute piece, and I feel that your characterization is really carrying the story, especially in the parts where you really get a view and feel for the characters.

Good luck with writing, and wishing you the best for continuing Aaron and his partner's tale.
 
Last edited:

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
Hi Umbra. This seemed the best fic for me to review, since I’ve reviewed some of it before. I believe I left off at chapter five based on my previous review. Please be advised that some of this review may be written with speech to text. As a result, please excuse any formatting errors I might have missed. Also, since it’s been a while I did a quick skim of the previous chapters, but it’s possible I missed some stuff, so please excuse me if I make any errors. With that said, let’s get started.

The bushes and shrubs seemed to claw at his face.
I honestly kind of really like this line in particular? The use of the word “claw” gives the vibe of a hostile environment, and puts the reader on edge. Which is exactly the kind of set up I would expect before finding a dead body.

In my previous review, I expressed concerns that the plot had been relatively slow up until that point. This chapter generally alleviated that. On one side, we have a murder mystery that I get the feeling Aaron is going to somehow end up involved in as they look for the killer. There are, more or less, two options. Either there’s a murderer among us in the monastery itself, or there’s some outside actor causing trouble. Either feels feasible.

Meanwhile on Riolu’s side of things, the tragic backstory has kicked into high gear. My previous prediction wasn’t too far off: he lost one parent, then separated from the other because he didn’t feel like he belonged.

Moving on to chapter six, I wish we got to see a bit of the body language during the discussion in the first scene. Throwing in a couple sentences here or there, to show how Aaron and Lewis react to what the other is saying could really help the scene pop and make it easier to visualize. This applies to most of the singular character scenes as well.

Oh hey, it’s Mithos. I remember him.

As I suspected, Aaron is looking to get himself involved in the hunt for the killer. He's going to have to improve significantly if he wants any hope of being a help rather than a hindrance.

A lot of the little things with the side characters felt like they were trying to set up for little side plots. I will say that I do wonder if some of them felt were a little too obvious. They say something cryptic, Aaron asks for elaboration, and they just refuse to answer. It might be just a little bit too on the nose. But that also could just be my personal tastes shining through.

On Riolu's side of things I really like the steelix. I think she's pretty neat. But on the other hand I kind of don't like that the Charizard just got beaten so easily. It felt like it was something that was going to be set up for where Riolu has to face down his father's killer in the future only for him to just get deleted here.

Regardless of my gripes - which in the grand scheme of things are relatively minor - I did enjoy reading these two chapters. You always do a great job on the humor side of things. I always find myself laughing at your sense of humor. I think I'm going to end the review here but I would like to revisit the story in the future and try and finish the last few chapters. Until then though, happy writing.
 
Chapter 11

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thanks to al the reviews!!! i may reply to them all... eventually......

I'm sorry I'm slow as fuck, but I muist perservere, like a Magikarp riding up a waterfall to become a Gyarados. HERE IT IS, THE LONG-DELAYED:

Chapter 11: Impressions

"Now, Riolu, let me introduce you to an old nemesis!"

The two were standing before Aaron's "favorite" training dummy. Riolu raised an eyebrow. ~This thing?~

"Don't underestimate it!" said Aaron, waving his arms wildly. "That dummy's a menace! I swear it's out to get me!"

~...Sure.~

"Listen if you don't believe me why don't you hit it yourself?"

Rolu nodded, walked up to the dummy, and smacked it with a Force Palm. It wobbled and settled itself without incident. Aaron blinked.

"...It never doies that. Let me try!"

He advanced toward the dummy and promptly tripped. Riolu snickered as Aaron got up.

"Look- maybe we don't do the dummy for now. Maybe we fight each other!"

~...Each other? I'll kick your butt.~

"I'll kick YOUR butt!"

~If you insist.~

Riolu instead rushed at Aaron with a Force Palm. Aaron attempted to counter with one of hios own but missed and was hit in the chest, falling over backward."

~...Maybe it's just you."

"Is... Is not!":

~Mabye you should change your approach.~

"...Change...My... Approach... Uh, got it, I guess."

He slowly got back up and stood at the ready.

Riolu charged him again. This time Aaron extended his palms and created a large barrier in front of himself, which Riolu promptly bounced off of and skidded back from.

~Wow... You're actually pretty good at THOSE.~

Aaron blinked and dissipated the barrier. "I... Am? I've never tried using them much..."

~Well start now. Those Aura barriers of yours are surprisingly strong.~

"Wow..." said Aaron. He grinned. "Hey! Me and you! This proves we can be a great team! We'll be a sword and shield! Like Zacian and Zamazenta!"

~Like who and what now?~

"I mean we make a great offense-defense combo! You offense, me defense! It'll be great!"

~Oh, uh. Are you sure? As like a long-term thing?"

"Of course! Isn't that how Pokemon and humans work together?"

~Right, yeah...~

"Come on, let's do some more!"

They kept sparring well into the afternoon, a sinking feeling forming in Riolu's gut the whole while.

---------

Aaron and Riolu approached the other kids and their Pokemon, who were doing slime sort of knights-and-Dragon-Types game with each other. Aaron turned to Riolu.

"You remember the plan?"

~Are you dure about the plan?~

"Of course! You just gotta trust me!"

~...Trust you, huh.~

"Yeah! Now come on!"

He turned to the other kids and Pokemon and yelled.
"HEY LOSERS!"

Everyone stopped. A few dropped their props.

:What?" Atta said, finally, grumpily.

"Watch this!" said Aaron.

Aaron threw up an Aura barrier as Riolu jumped atop it and backflipped into a Force Palm that Aaron blocked. They separated into a coordinated hand-to hand display of Auric energy before dissipating their powers and bowing.

The other children and Pokemon paused. Then Callie and Munchkin started clapping. Slowly, but surely, all the other children joined in.

"Not bad, I guess." said Louis.

"Pretty good," said Eve

"Fancy." said Atta.

"That was great!" said Callie.

"We... we did it!" said Aaron. "We impressed them! I never do that!"

He turned to Riolu. "It's all thanks to you buddy!"

Rioolu grimaced a bit. ~Uhuh, sure...~

----------

That night, Aaron and Rioluu sat outside the monastery looking at the stars. For whatever reason Aaron had insisted on it, even if it meant sneaking out past the senior Aura Guardians - not an easy feat when many of both they and their Pokemon can sense thoughts and auras.

"Hey Riolu?"

~...Yeah?~

"I'm glad you're here with me now."

~...Thanks.~

Aaron paused. "It hasn't been the same since. "

~Since what?~

"...Since my dad died."

~...Your dad died?~

"...Yeah. It was a few years ago when.. When he got very sick, and..."

He stopped.

~...Oh.~

Riolu also paused.

~My dad...~

"Did he...?"

~Yeah. A Charizard killed him. Left my old pack because of it.~

Aaron frowned even harder than he was already. "I'm so sorry..."

~It's. It's fine.~

"No it's not. I can tell. It's OK for it to be not fine."

He touches Riolu's paw.

"I've got you."

Riolu paused.

~...Thanks. I appreciate it.~

They went back to looking at the stars.

--------

Atta was chewing on something of indeterminate origin when Callie approached her.

"Hey there!" said Callie.

Atta spit out the Thing and snarled. "What?"

"Well I ws thinking-" Callie started to say.

"You think?" said Atta.

"Callie scoffed. "Of courrse I do! Anyway, what IS life with Pawniard and Bishatrp like?"

Atta paused. "...Hazardous."

"Oh, because they're sharp and pointy?" said Callie.

"That and the hunts."

"Ooh, what are those like?"

"We chase something. Usually it fights back. Sometimes we manage to kill it. But it's very dangerous."

"Ooh, exciting!" said Callie.

"...Exciting?" said Atta.

"Yeah! It sounds adventuresome!"

"It was scary and we just did it to eat." She shook her head. "Was it 'adven-toor-some' with your Necrozma cult?"

"Well um." Callie paused. "How do I phrase this? Yres and no!"

Atta raised an eyebrow. "That is contradictrory."

"No, no, I mean - we had a set chill routine, but some fun stuff happened with said routine!"

"Like what?"

"Like we would make these big sacrifices to Necrozma!"

"Human sacrifices? Pokemon sacrifices?"

"What? NO. It was always offerings of things that gave light."

"Light?"

:"Yeah! 'Cause Necrozma lost its light long ago see? And we're trying to help get it back!"

"Ohhhh, right. That makes sense."

:Atta paused.

"Getting to know you more made me... Happy Is that that friendship Aaron talks about?"

>...Huh I guess it is! Nice to get to know you too!" said Callie.

She extended a hand.

"...What?" said Atta.

"You're supposed to shake it!"

"Oh."

And so she did.

--------------

Nicolas was rummaging around in a dark corner of the Abbey, scrummaging for... whatever he could grab really. It's what he'd been doing ever since he got stuck at this place.

He basically had to learn quickly how to survive on his own. Especially since he had not located where his father and his compatriots were being kept. The Abbey was a scary place.

But he had to conquer it. He had to.

Though if only he had allies...

---------

Meanwhile the Fighting Thieves Nicolas was seeking were idling about in the Pokemon-proofed cel they were stuck in.

Shifty tossed a rock at a wall and it clanged and clattered as it fell to the ground.

"Be quiet in there!" said the Aura Guardian standing guard.

Shifty paused, smirked a little, then did it again.

"I SAID be quiet!"

The guard stood up from where he was sitting to glare at Shifty.

Shifty outright grinned and did it yet again.

The guard came very close to the bars. "How many times do I-"

Shifty suddenly lunged with a Sucker Punch and slammed the guard headfirst into the cage bars, causing him to collapse in a daze and drop his keys, which Shifty promptly scooped up.

"Guys, horry!"

The others rushed over, and Koba used his nimble hands to reach through the bars, unlock the door with the keys, and swing said door open.

"We're FREE!" said Grog.

"About time," said Koba

"Go go go!" said Vallant.

And they all rushed out and away just as the guard slowly started to recover.

-----------

Elsewhere, further and deeper in the dungeons, several Aura Guardians had gathered around the masked, cloaked figure, who had been tied up with cords charged with Obscura so they couldn't phase out and escape, their Pokemon contained in crystals to the side.

"All right gang," said Vince. "Let's see who's really behind that mask."

He quickly removed the mask and hood to reveal a woman with dark skin and long, swirling purple hair.

~Hm, no one we know.~ said Carol. ~Time to take THAT off the conspiracy board.~

The tied-up woman snarled, revealing unusually pointy canine teeth.

"Shit," said Polly as she and the others started backing away. "She's an Aura Vampire!"

"Yes, you got that right." said the woman angrily. "Now where is she?"

"Where is who?" said Vince.

"Medea. My girlfriend. She went missing in this region. Thought you Aura Guardian fucks were responsible."

"We're not fucks." said Vince, clutching a hand to his chest.

~I'm a fuck,~ said Carol, her eyebrows wiggling.

"So wait, you weren't here to suck us all dry of Aura in our sleep?" said Polly.

"Only if you did kidnap my girlfriend. Which you don't seem to have, so you don't deserve it," said the woman, shrugging her shoulders as best she could in her binds.

"Reassuring," said Vince.

~Say," said Carol. ~We're investigating a murder and a bunch of dissapearances. Maybe this Medea of yours is related.~

"Really now?" said the woman, raising an eyebrow.

"...Yeah, probably," said Polly. "Whoever's responsible for those probably took your girlfriend."

"If that's the case then I'll help," said the woman.

The trio of Aura Guardians stopped and stared.

"You want to help?" said Polly.

"But you're an aura vampire," said Vince.

Carol nudged him. ~Don't be an ableist.~

"How is not trusting an Aura Vampire ableist?" said Vince.

:"It's like a chronic illness, isn't it?" said Polly. "By various means you wind up with a continued deficiency in your Aura, and need to turn to external sources to replenish itt."

Vince paused... "Fuck you're right."

He turned to the wioman. "Still though. If I untire you so you can help ujs do you promise not to murrder us all?"

"I promise," said the woman playfully.

Vunce removed the cords.

Everyone stayed stock still for a minute.

"Boo," the woman said finally.

The Aura Guardian trio yelped and jumped. The woman laughed.

"Olivia Hallow. Pleasure to work with you all."

***
 
Top Bottom