• Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon Frontier

REDWAV5

Baro
Location
The Abyss
Pronouns
He/Him

FRONTIER

"You've lived in a society based around peace and dependency for all of your life up until recently, and your heart and mind have been trained as a follower's rather than a leader's, making them weak and you submissive. The thing is, your body's more than ready for all the hardships you could possibly face; it's just been waiting for the rest of you to catch up."
-???-

So... there aren't many fanfics featuring an armaldo, eh? It is one of my favorites, so why not create one of my own?

I'll have a few more notes at the end of the story (so I don't immediately dissuade readers), but I'll just put a general thing up here.

One thing that makes writing this weird is armaldo's typing, being Bug & Rock, meaning that it has a weakness to water. Now, I understand why, and the pokedex entries it has all explain it well enough, but it's kind of an issue when I kinda wrote the first half of this chapter thinking they were good in water; which they were, just in the past. So, to fix this, I'm just going to say that armaldo as a species has an 'affinity' for water, so they're pretty much just resistant and react to water in the same way that all other water-types would. Yes, this gives armaldo a major buff, but my counter to that is that I'm not really considering competitive battling to be a factor here.

Also, I do not relate to this main character on a personal level, just to let you know. As of first writing this chapter, I'm not even out of high school.

With that in mind, I do not own pokémon. Hope you enjoy!
INDEX
Chapter 1 - City Life
Chapter 2 - ???

CHAPTER I - CITY LIFE

There’s something about the whispers of children that makes the eyelids lower ever-so-slowly. He knows he’s not supposed to sleep on the job, but the temptation is oh-so-hard to resist…

‘-…No, not yet,’ he reasons, shaking himself awake for the umpteenth time that day.

‘I’m both happy and disappointed that I actually managed to get a well-behaved student body this time around. Means the class is easier to keep control over, but it also means nothing’s happening.’

He stares lazily out the window.

‘Not like there’s much for me to do in town anyway…’

He scratches the desk with a claw for a moment before promptly realizing what he’s doing, quickly forcing the claw into his shell. He cringes at the mark it left behind. He’s… been doing that a lot today. Not even just today, either; practically every classroom he’s been in has a surface that’s been scratched up, at least a little.

One of the students in the middle row raises a paw. It’s a nice Pikachu fellow named Ryan. He nods to the kid.

“Mr. Watertusk? May I use the restroom?”

“Sure. Make sure to grab a hall pass.”

“Got it!”

The classroom door closes, and the teacher goes back to pondering.

‘Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t fired me yet,’ he mentally quips, eyeing the marks he’d left on the desk. ‘Then again, they’d feel bad, wouldn’t they? This whole town’s a pretty tight-knit community due to the fact that nobody’s left the city unless they… die, or something. Nobody has any need to, and the walls we’ve built around the city further cements that.’ A chill runs down his spine.

Making a point to avoid scratching the table again, he directs the claw to one of his looser scales instead. ‘I do wonder what’s out there sometimes, though… wish those damned history books would give me something. Those things are written like this city is the only instance of pokémon civilization in the entire world and I just… have a hard time believing that.’

The door opens and closes with a creak. He looks up and nods to Ryan as he takes his seat back. Feeling a bit bad for not speaking at all, he clears his throat. “So… what’re you guys working on? I never got a good look at it.”

Another of the kids, in the front row this time, raises a wing. The teacher nods to her, remembering the swablu’s name to be Myria.

“We’re reviewing our multiplication tables! Mrs. Greenwing said that we’d have a test on them this coming Friday.”

‘Forgot how young these guys are. This is only the… second-grade class? Something like that. Eh, I’ve never been great with mathematics. I was always better with strategy than anything. It’s disappointing that they completely dropped the class from the school; I think I would be a good teacher for that, at least.’ “Ah. Hopefully everyone’s doing well with them then?”

The class responds with various volumes of affirmation.

“Well, guess I’ll wish you good luck in advance, then. Heard Mrs. Greenwing was coming back tomorrow, too.” The substitute comments, a small smirk forming.

“Really!?” The class nearly yells. He flinches.

“Y-yup. I know t-that’s good news, but try not to yell that loud, alright?”

“Sorry Mr. Watertusk,” the class choruses, quieter.

“It’s fine, just be aware of your volume when you get too excited.”

The kids nod, and go back to their work, though with a bit more excitement sprinkled throughout their whispers. The substitute shakes his head, amused. ‘Yeah, that’s a fair reaction. She’s probably far more likable than I’ll ever be. As a teacher, at least. I’m not built to be a teacher.

‘…Just wish there
were a good job around town for me. Sure, being good at strategizing and having quick reflexes might’ve been good some 100 years ago, but now? Fights rarely even happen anymore, and the city has been built to damn near its limit. Sure, we could probably build up a bit more, but we wouldn’t have the population nor the materials necessary to support that growth.’

The substitute’s debbie-downer thoughts are interrupted as the school bell chimes. As the students file out of the room, he gives them light-hearted waves of his claw. When the door closes, he sighs, stretching and getting up from his seat. Then, grabbing his backpack and setting it on his desk, he preps to leave-

The speaker in the corner of the room crackles to life. “Mr. Watertusk, could you please come to the guidance office? Thank you!”

‘-…That’s… not good.’


He finds himself staring at a random book on the shelf behind the teacher’s desk for a moment but he pulls his gaze away and makes his way to the door again.

‘Guess I was already on my way to doing that, wasn’t I?’

The teacher leaves the classroom, locking the door behind him with the click of a button, and makes his way to the guidance office slowly. Some students eye him with various expressions of interest, but he just ignores them, blank-faced.

‘I’m not even mad, either. Just wish there was more I could do in this city. Being a substitute teacher is fine now, but I have a feeling that may or may not be what this so-called ‘meeting’ is about.’

He enters the office, frown slowly growing. The receptionist nods as he passes by, directing him to the third door on his left.

Sure enough, he walks into someone who he’s identified to be a very familiar face by this point. Standing beside her, however, the principal, Mr. Longtail, is eyeing him suspiciously.

The principal starts. “Hey, Mr. Watertusk. As unfortunate as this is-“

He interrupts the principal. “I’m assuming that I’m getting fired?”

The principal’s downtrodden expression tells him all that he needs to know. The goodra beside him sighs. “…Hey, Mr. Longtail? Can I take my… client… somewhere private for us to talk for a moment?”

The principal shrugs, casting a glare. “As long as he doesn’t go about destroying any more desks with those claws of his.”

The now-fired substitute cringes, as does the goodra.

“I’ll… make sure of that.”

“Hmph.” The principal frowns. “I think the room two doors down is pretty private. Just close the door and you two should be fine.”

The goodra takes one of his claws and guides him to the room in question, frowns donning both of their faces. When she closes the door behind her. He flinches.

“…So. It appears we’re back to square one, yeah?”

He says nothing, frown deepening. She sighs.

“Cole, I’m sorry to say this, but you’re making this really difficult for me. I’m trying to get you a job, but you’re either unqualified or you just make a mess of the place.”

Cole rears back again at the use of his name. The goodra takes a step back, stretching.

“Welp, there’s not much we can do about that here anymore. I’m gonna go talk to the principal again. Afterward, wanna get something to eat? I’ll pay, of course.”

Cole resists the urge to pick at something, directing his claw back to the scale he’d picked at earlier. “…There’s not much for me to do, Demi. I’m an armaldo. I can’t help my own instincts to sharpen my claws. My body was built to fight, yet my mind’s been trained toward peace. There’s not much I can do about that.”

Demi frowns, taking a claw again. “You aren’t… I know. You’ve said that more than enough times for it to be nailed into my head.” She chuckles a little. “Wish there were some water-based job I could get you into. Transportation, Cargo pulling, anything like that. Maybe even just swimming competitions for others’ entertainments, at least. How much swimming have you done since your last attempt at a water-based job?”

“…Not much.”

“Are you even trying to get a job anymore?”

“I guess.”

“Damnit, Cole. Just… I’ll start looking for more jobs you can possibly do. I’ll book a booth at The Mighty Magikarp for tomorrow morning. You like fish, right?” She shakes her head, “…Of course you do; they’re your favorite food. We can talk about this more there. You still have your ‘talkie, right?”

Cole dismissively looks at his bag. “…Unless it got stolen within today’s school day, yeah.”

Demi groans, checking for him. “Curse non-dexterous arms. Alright- yes, it’s here. Good. Do you wanna talk to the principal with me, or do you just wanna go home? …Or wherever else you’d go.”

“…” Cole stares at her.

“I mean, it’s up to you-“

“I’ll… say goodbye… to him. I do feel bad for damaging the desk like that…”

Demi smiles. “Great! Alright, c’mon.”

Demi leads Cole out of the room, Cole’s tail dragging. Within moments, Demi knocks on the principal’s door.

“Mr. Longtail? We finished our talk.”

They hear a muffled “Come in,” and Demi opens the door. The principal had sat himself down at his desk. “Talk some sense into him?”

Demi eyes the armaldo behind her. “…You could say that, sure.”

“Alright. I hope the repairs to the desks will be cheap, at the very least.” The armaldo winces.

“It should be cheap, right? All that needs to happen is that the desks need to be smoothened out on top, right?” She looks back at Cole.

“Yeah, I only touched the top of them.”

The principal scowls.

“Mr. Longtail? I apologize-“

“Don’t, Mr. Watertusk. …It’s alright, we’ll get this covered. We won’t punish you with any fines, but considering we’ve fired you already, that’s probably more than enough punishment. I’d feel bad stacking both on top of you anyways… Nonetheless, I wish you luck in finding other positions.”

“…Thank you, Mr. Longtail.”

“No problem. I hope we can be on good terms after this? Or, at the very least, not negative. I, uh, don’t really deal well getting on others’ bad sides. Gives me a sickly feeling.” The principal rubs his arms, nervous.

Cole squints, surprised. “I mean, if you’re not that mad, I don’t suppose I can be mad at you for firing me. It is my fault, not yours.”

“Great! Guess I’ll see you around, then?”

“Yup.” He popped the p.

The principal nods, going back to whatever paperwork he had on his desk. The duo takes that to be their queue to leave.

They walk out, passing by the few students still roaming the halls – mostly upperclassmons. Cole and Demi stop at the base of the school’s stairs after descending down them.

“So… see you tomorrow?” Demi asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Great! Have a good day-…or as good a day as you can have, at least. I don’t want to damper it or-“

“You’re fine,” Cole interrupts, “I’ve just gotta think some things over tonight, I guess.”

Demi nods, before giving a wave as she walks away. Cole returns it weakly.

Taking a deep breath and jostling himself, he makes the long trudge back to his living space.

‘Someday, I’ll find a position I belong in. Hopefully.’

He looks through the many shops as he passes them by. Some selling fruits, some veggies, almost none selling meat. It’s hard to come by these days. Expensive, too.

‘Not like the lack of meat changes much. Just means the population here is more herbivorous. The carnivores in town don’t do well here at all, though. Can’t survive on vegetables so they’re forced to take higher-position jobs to get the meat. Or they do it illegally.

‘Guess I’m lucky, being an omnivore n’ all.’


He frowns as he passes by the restaurant Demi said they’d meet at tomorrow. ‘Another thing to feel bad about. Though fish aren’t as expensive, considering we have an enclosure specifically designated for them, they’re still meat. Their prices are still significantly higher than, say, an apple.

‘…Not even that good of a comparison-… nevermind.’


He shakes his head to clear his thoughts as he strolls out of the marketplace area, over to the edge of town. His subconscious tells him to go to the wall, and he follows it. Closing his eyes, he puts a claw against it, before looking up.

Flowing in the wind above him is a massive electricity-infused net. It was put up years ago to keep flying-type outsiders from getting in.

‘Considering the typing of pokémon like Gliscor and Kilowattrel, that may not be able to hold up forever. For the town’s sake I hope it does, though.’

He turns his gaze back down to the ground, before looking around for his home.

He finds it soon enough, a garage door with “Cole Watertusk” spraypainted on the ground in front of it. He’d have to respray it soon.

Regardless, he steps on a platform in front of his name. The platform scans his feet, and the door opens. It’s around a 5-foot drop from the entrance of the garage to his room’s floor, but he just stacked a few tables on top of each other as a set of makeshift stairs. Works just fine for him.

Slapping the button just inside the basement-like room, he descends the makeshift stairs and drops his backpack on the floor before walking over to and sitting on his bed, clacking his claws against one another.

‘Now what should I do with myself today?’

He falls back, head missing the pillow and hitting the wall behind it. He quickly rears away, drawing back and putting his head down more carefully.

‘Could always just… hang out with someone.’

Head still throbbing slightly, he gets off his bed and goes over to his backpack, getting out his walkie-talkie. He inputs one of his friends’ ID numbers – he’s happy they only go up to 9999, which makes it far easier.

When it buzzes to life, he directs, “Hey Zain, you available to do somethin’ today?”

The glitchy response comes back, “Nah, work’s keeping me for extra hours today. Sorry, bud.”

“S’ fine.”

After going through two more numbers, he gets a positive response from a friend he’d thought would be busy, a luxio named Cage.

“You’re not busy today? I thought you were doing the, uh… evolution… thing…”

“Nope, not today. Got rescheduled to next week ‘cause dad had to take over someone’s shift because apparently they had to leave last minute. Kinda frustrating, but I’ll deal with it.”

“…Alright, um. Where do you want to meet, then? Considering it’s Wednesday today, I don’t think the park will be very crowded. If not, we could just go to some dinner place.”

“Park is fine. Not really hungry right now.”

“Cool. I am hungry though, so I’ll pack myself some food to go. I’ll bring some extra if you end up hungry anyways.”

“Thanks. What time should I be there by?”

“I dunno, how ‘bout nineteen-o-clock?”

“Sure. See ya, dude.”

“See ya.”

Unhooking his walkie-talkie, he settles down to make himself a small dinner consisting of a simple veggie burger. He would have a regular one, but meat is just too expensive and rare. Don’t need much to make one either way though; just bread, veggie patty, lettuce & cheese. He’s gotten far better at holding foodstuff over the years too, so it’s barely a hassle to put it all together.

After fussing with it a bit, he puts the burger in the microwave, closes it, turns it on, and just stares at the now-spinning burger. Not like there’s much else to do in here. Sure, he could meander around town and keep a timer on him like a normal pokémon, but it’s not like there’s much he hasn’t seen considering how often he walks around regardless.

‘What jobs could there be for me, anyway?’

He thinks back to his previous experiences.

In his first job he was one of many cargo pullers for the town. Though it was easily his longest-lasting position, lasting for around a month, his production was far worse than his comrades’ due to not being built for that. There generally aren’t many water-types in town for that reason, and the ones that are there are flexible. pokémon like lapras and empoleon got lucky, as they’re both good for transportation of people and cargo. Cole’s juuust a bit too small for that, sadly. He was able to take the smaller boxes, but he was far slower and therefore less efficient. Nobody wanted to pay for slower transportation, and it transitioned into him basically being a last resort. He was rarely called for after that.

That was his biggest idea for a position, at least. The rest were just shots in the dark. Waiter, Crop-grower, writer, and now teacher.

‘I guess another option could be that I set up a meat shop. Then again, I have no idea where I’d get the meat from, besides fish. That stuff is given pretty much exclusively to The Mighty Magikarp too, so there’s next to no chance I’d get it. Only way that’d work is if I did it illegally, which… doesn’t work in the slightest.

‘…I might be good in a position similar to Demi’s, though.’


He loses focus on the oven, diving deeper.

‘I should ask her how she got that job. …Well, I kinda do know how, but I’ll ask if there’s any other way to slip into a position without meeting whatever qualifications they have. It does involve strategy, something that I’ve been relatively good with. Honestly, she’d be a good teacher, too. If we’d switched positions, that’d be great for me.’

The microwave beeps, and he takes out the burger.

‘Glad I don’t need gloves to take this thing out.’

Opening a cupboard and taking out a small food box that he’d gotten from one of the food places, he places the burger in there alongside some basic potato chips.

‘That’s something I can probably ask her tomorrow definitely, though.’ He thinks to himself as he empties his backpack onto the floor. ‘”Are there any open positions where you work? Or, at least, could I work alongside you as like an apprentice or something?” I don’t know what she’d say to that, but it’s worth a shot, at least. Shows that I did put some thought into it.’

He dumps some of the potato chips in his mouth before closing up the box and putting it in his backpack alongside his walkie-talkie and a few other necessities. Then, setting his backpack on his bed, he sits with his back to it and presses a button. Then, the backpack’s straps automatically attached themselves to each other, wrapping around the armaldo’s arms.

‘I am so glad I got this thing custom-made for me five years ago after I evolved… Surprised it’s held up as well as it has, too. Then again, haven’t been putting too much into or on it, so guess that makes sense.’

Standing up, he hops up the table-stairs, opens his garage door, and walks to the park in slightly better spirits than before. By the time he makes it there (after a good fifteen or so minutes of walking), he sees that Cage had already beaten him there, sitting by the waterfall in the center. Spotting him, the luxio perks up.

Cage was his friend since primary school – they shared a lot of the same classes. He isn’t his closest friend necessarily, but they poked good fun at one another and enjoyed each other’s presence for the most part.

The luxio is certainly in better spirits, at least. “Hey, Cole! How’re ya doing?”

“Not as bad as I could be,” Cole quips back, hoping to keep the tone of the conversation positive.

Cage chuckles. “Still have your job?”

‘Well damn, that didn’t last long.’ “Nope.” The luxio frowns.

“You really can’t hold onto a job to save yourself, can you?”

“Wish I could, but nope.”

The luxio shakes his head, giving the armaldo a sympathetic smirk. “How’d ya get fired this time? Being a teacher doesn’t sound that challenging.”

Cole frowns. “Accidentally scratched up the teacher’s desk,” he holds up his claws, “These things are too sharp for my own good.”

Cage laughs out loud this time. “Were you even trying to avoid getting fired this time Cole? Let’s sit at those benches over there.”

The armaldo sits down on the bench, taking out his food, while the luxio grooms himself in front of him.

“No, I wasn’t trying to get fired. I just… do stupid things when I get bored, I guess? I dunno.”

“Welp, sucks to be you. Anything else ya got set up for your future?”

Cole shrugs. “Demi was planning on looking for a job for me. I’ve got a suggestion for her, though.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“I was thinking maybe I could get a position similar to the one she has. Y’know, finding jobs for other people, helping ‘em plan for their future n’ stuff like that. Seems like something I might be good at.”

The luxio tilts his head. “You want to be a job agent? Heard that you had to be a ‘Star Student’ in school to be applicable. Plus, hasn’t she been doing it since like grade school with you?”

“Yeah. Though it fits my strengths, I doubt there’s much of a chance they’ll let me in.” Cole takes a bite out of the burger.

“You may still be able to work in that position anyways - If she is willing to vouch for you, at least. You weren’t necessarily a ‘star student’, but you’ve been observing what one does for a good portion of your life, and can probably do a good job mimicking them. That’s points in your favor, right?”

“Yeah… I’ll ask her tomorrow about it.”

“Mmh. Can I uh… steal a chip from ya…?”

Cole smiles. “I brought extras for a reason.”

Thanking him, the luxio grabs a few.

“So… what happened to the guy who ‘had to leave last-minute’ that you talked about earlier?”

The luxio cringes. “Medical emergency. Guy’s in his 60s and is the usual boss, but his electric sacks got overcharged; put him in the hospital for a few days.”

“Ooh, yeesh. That sucks.”

“Yeah. He’ll be out for a few weeks, and they’re looking for a replacement. Sure, the power plant can work with just one pokémon in charge, but it drastically increases the risk of them overexerting themselves as well, which could be terrible for the city’s power. Dad’s currently doing full-time, but we’ve already got some good candidates.”

“That’s… good, at least. Would you be able to join them when you evolve?” Cole takes another bite.

“Not immediately, no. A year later? Highly likely. Takes a bit for the sacks to mature after evolution – could end up hurting myself by overexerting.”

“Mmm, yeah. That’s fair.”

The two sit in silence, enjoying the food to the best of their abilities.

“Hey, Cage?”

“Mmm?”

Cole hesitates. “…What do you think’s… out there?” He gestures with a claw toward the nearest part of the wall.

“What, you mean outside of our city?”

“Mhm.” He takes another bite.

“That’s… honestly something I never think about. We have pretty much everything we’d need in our little town area. We might be lacking a bit in terms of meat, but that’s understandable and not even that big of a concern for us anymore. Plus, nobody’s even tried to leave in the last 200 or so years anyway. Nobody’s had a need to; we’re safe here.”

Cole gulps down his food quickly. “I know that we’re safe here, but I’m just… curious. Like you said, it’s been around 200 years since anyone’s… went out there. Makes me wonder how much has changed, if anything.”

“…You better not be planning on going out there,” the luxio warns. Cole gives him a crafty smirk in return.

“If there are no positions for me here, I could always just be an expeditionist. Report what I find back to the town with my ‘talkie, stuff like that.”

Cage glares at him. “Dude, you’re making me want to scold you like a five-year-old. You know that’s practically suicide, right?”

“Not necessarily. Our technology has vastly improved from 200 years ago, so there’s a lot of different ways to keep myself from dying. Plus, I was one of the best fighters back in grade school. S’ one of the skills I’ve managed to keep consistent even now; I still go to the gym every other day.”

Cage doesn’t waver. “You know the explorers who went in times’ past were probably five times stronger than you are? Plus, what of the ‘shadow pokémon’? What if they’ve gotten even stronger? I don’t want you killing yourself for whatever reason you’re willing to give.”

Cole holds up his claws in submission. “Alright, alright. I’m still posing it as an option to Demi, though. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s curious.”

“Alright, you do you. Either way, I’m gonna head back to my place. Do you wanna come, or are you gonna go back to your place too?”

“Demi said that we’d be talking at breakfast tomorrow morning, so I’ll head back now.”

“Alright. Cya ‘round, dude.”

“See ya.”

Cole packs up his things, and the two head on their individual ways.

The armaldo debates calling another of his friends just to see what they’re doing, but he decides against it, not seeing any reason to.

When he makes it to his place, he repeats the steps to get in before dropping his bag off to the side of his bed. Quickly unpacking his bag and finishing his meal, the armaldo rolls himself into bed with mixed feelings.

‘Let’s just see what tomorrow has in store for me now. Doubt it’ll be anything special, butcha can’t know until it’s already happening. Unless I planned for it-…nevermind.’

He has a hard time shutting his mind off that night.

Cole wakes up to the sound of his walkie-talkie buzzing. Groggily, he gets himself out of bed and picks it up, answering. “Mmm, who’s this?”

“Demi. You just wake up?”

“Mhm. How early do you even start your job, anyway?” He asks, checking the time. It’s not even that late; only 7 in the morning. He usually rises at around 9.

“Shift starts at 6. Well, technically, it’s 24/7, but they’re laid back about letting us see friends n’ stuff; they just want us to put a lot of time watching over our ‘responsibilities.’”

“Ah.”

“So. What time do you wanna do this breakfast thing?” She continues.

“I mean… I’m fine to head out now. I should be able to get there in around fifteen minutes or so. That work for you?”

“Yup! I’ll probably make it a few minutes early, though.”

“Cool. See ya.”

He ends the call, deciding against bringing his backpack this time.

The walk to the restaurant feels shorter than it really is to Cole, but that’s probably because of how well-adjusted he is to walking everywhere. A lot of others use various transportation methods. Stuff like flying-type pokémon, wagon carriages, stuff like that.

‘The exercise is good for me, though, absolutely.’

Soon enough the armaldo arrives at the restaurant, not immediately seeing the goodra. Before long though, he sees her waving him down in one of the corner booths. Her expression is unreadable. He sits down quietly, her eyes following his own.

“Hey, Cole! How was your day after we parted?”

“Alright, talked with a friend for a bit but otherwise didn’t do much.”

“Great! Well, I’m kinda guessing you were expecting this, but I’ve got bad news, couldn’t find anything for ya.”

Cole smiles. “Can I… suggest… a few things?”

The goodra brightens. “Ah, you have some ideas? Lay ‘em on me!”

His smile weakens a little. “Alright. They might not be that feasible, though.”

Demi shakes her head. “Don’t care, any idea is an interesting one.”

The armaldo nods. “Alright, then I’ll start with probably the more feasible one, despite its restrictions; I believe I’d be good in a position similar to the one you’re doing.”

“Oh?”

Cole continues, “My friend said that I wouldn’t be able to do the job unless I was a star student like you were back in school. I do feel like my ability to strategize would make me a great candidate for it, though. Might as well ask if you can put in a good word for me, maybe see if they’re willing to make an exception.”

The goodra smirks. “Interesting. Now that I think about it, that makes sense for you. Though… one part of the job makes me think you may not be as fitting as you say, though. First though, what’s your other suggestion?”

“Uhm…” he picks at a scale again, nervous. “I’ll warn you that even with that limitation this one’s likely even more far out than the one I just gave you.”

“No idea’s a stupid idea, Cole. I’m here to get you a job. If there’s a part that doesn’t work, I’ll pick it out and see what I can do.”

“O-okay, uh… I was wondering if… working for the town as an expeditionist would be viable?”

The goodra just stares at him, confused.

“W-well, w-we haven’t really seen what’s outside of these walls i-in the last 200 years, a-and I was wondering if I w-would be able t-to do that. G-go outside, look around, d-defend m-myself if necessary.”

Her confused expression doesn’t change. “Did your friend tell you to do this?”

“N-no! It was all me. We did talk about it, but he said it was a bad idea. I said that I’d ask you about it anyway, just because it seemed like an interesting prospect.”

The goodra takes a deep breath. “Now, I’m not going to tell you that it’s a bad idea. BUT, do you really want to risk your life for something that really doesn’t matter for us as a civilization? Explain your reasoning.”

“O-ok, uhm…” he clears his throat, “Firstly, we haven’t had anyone even look outside of this city for the past 200 years now, and I’m curious about what’s out there. A lot of people are. At least, I’d assume so. Plus, technology’s improved dramatically since then too, so the likelihood of survival is far more than it was that 200 years ago.”

She thinks for a moment, before grimacing. “What about physical ability? I know you go to the gym-“

“-Cage mentioned that yesterday, too. I know that’s an issue in this that we have to consider, but I don’t have to do this right away. I can get on a schedule of working out, stuff like that. Or, if we believe that we have the equipment to support exploration, why not go for it? As I said, technology these days is advanced enough to protect me from a lot of dangers. Or, at least, it very well can function that way.”

Demi rubs the table with her hand. “Well, I’m not so sure I like the idea, but I can let you bring it up to the mayor when we finish eating if you want. It’s… reasonable, but that doesn’t mean I want to see you putting your life at risk for something that might not even be worth anything in the long run.”

Cole nods, slightly frustrated but understanding. “As I said, those are only suggestions.”

“I know. I know…”

Breakfast passes on slowly and quietly, neither party feeling like speaking. A few minutes before the food shows up, Demi whispers to Cole that she’ll call one of the mayor’s managers. Cole gives her a satisfied nod.

Watching her leave, he can’t stop the question from bubbling up in his head; ‘Why am I so invested in the idea of leaving?’

A few answers pop up in his head. Boredom, possible fame, generally stuff he doesn’t care about. He digs deeper into himself.

‘…Do I want to… discover? Honestly, it’s definitely boredom, because I’m kinda tired of being stuck in this city, no matter how big it is. The idea of freedom just sounds amazing to me, honestly.

‘Sure, the fame will be interesting for a while, but I don’t really care much about that part.

‘Though… I think a big factor is that I just don’t feel like I don’t belong here. Regardless of my friends and acquaintances, there really isn’t much for me here. I think… I just have an itch to adventure out into the world, honestly. As I said, the only things really holding me here are my (rather limited amounts of) friends, and even that’s not a big thing. Homesickness is a thing to be worried about too, but… ah, she’s coming back.’


The goodra walks back into the restaurant, an uncomfortably worried expression on her face. When she makes it to our booth, however, it morphs into a serious one. “So. Are you legitimately interested in doing your second idea?”

Cole flinches back in his seat a bit, looking down for a moment. “…Yeah, if the opportunity’s there, I’m willing to take it.” She frowns, but nods.

“Okay. The mayor’s willing to talk with you about this then. We can do that after breakfast though. I still don’t like it, but if it’s what you’re up for…”

Cole keeps his gaze averted. I hear a quiet “Uhh, Ms. Dewtail? I have your food…” from behind her. I look up to see that she hadn’t even noticed, stuck in her own thoughts.

“Demi?”

“Oh!” She quickly notices the waiter behind her, apologizing before settling herself down and getting in the booth. The waiter gives her a sympathetic smile, placing down their meal.

When the waiter leaves after a quick “Enjoy your meal!”, she leans over the table. “Well, the mayor was enthusiastic about the idea, at least. He said that he’d be willing to meet with you after breakfast if it’s what you’re up for.”

Cole perks up, both in fear and anticipation. “Wait, he’s up for it?”

The goodra brings her gaze to her food. “Mhm. Guess it makes sense in hindsight; you were right about pokémon being curious, definitely.”

“O-okay then, uhh… then yeah, I guess I can meet with him after breakfast.”

Demi doesn’t respond, eyes slightly sad.

The rest of our meal passes by in silence. Cole pries into Demi’s life a bit but doesn’t get much.

‘Wonder how many pokémon’ll be mad at me if I commit to this. Demi’s definitely one, looking at her now. It’s not like I’m even trying to kill myself, even if that’s what she thinks this is. Though it’s not really something I’ve put much thought into, I could always just come back in, right?’

The armaldo frowns. ‘Guess that’ll just have to be a condition I’ll set with the mayor then.’

The goodra pays their tab, though she takes her time. Cole easily sees what she’s doing, but doesn’t comment.

When she comes back, she says “I’m… gonna go to the restroom. I’ll be back in a bit, then we can go. That fine with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine with that.”

As the armaldo watches her go, a small, fleeting thought pops up in his mind.

‘Did I… break her?’

He slouches a bit in his seat.

‘I wish I could just tell her that I wasn’t even planning on doing much; just taking a good look around the outside, then I’d come back in. Even if I manage to get stuck outside, this body is pretty much literally built to take hits. Considering my natural resistance to water despite my typing and my limited weaknesses, I think I should be fine no matter how far I go. …well, to look around the perimeter, at least.’

A few minutes pass by before the goodra comes back out. Cole can clearly see that she’s still stressed, but doesn’t say anything about it when she gets to him.

“Okay. …You ready to go, Cole?”

He remembers something. “Almost. Uh, I left my backpack at home today; wasn’t really expecting this to be a considered option, can I…?”

The goodra nods. “Sure. And, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen the inside of your place before, have I?”

Cole gives an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeahhh, heh… apparently not. Yeah, you’re fine to come in if ya want. Doubt we’ll be there for more than two or three minutes anyways.”

“I honestly forgot where it is; how out-of-the-way is it from the mayor’s building?”

Cole chuckles again in realization. “It’s… as out-of-the-way as it can get, actually. Right next to the wall, south district.”

Demi’s expression turns to one of slight relief. “Alright. You ready to go, then?”

“Mhm. W-you paid, right?”

“Yup! You watched, didn’t you?”

“Oh.”

Leaving the restaurant, Cole leads Demi back to his place. By the time they get there, she’s already somewhat tired.

“Damn, you’ve been walking this far every day from the school?”

Cole looks back at her just before he stands on the platform. “Yeah? It’s not much, at least for me. I do go to the gym to keep my fitness up every other day pretty much, after all. A little walking doesn’t hurt.”

“Oh… that’s right, forgot about the gym thing.”

Smirking, Cole stands on the platform, watching the garage door open in front of him. Demi steps up to the door, expecting to be able to walk in, only to stop in her tracks at the drop.

“You… why is the floor so far down?”

“Dunno. It’s worked for me so far though, just had to improvise a bit,” he says in response, jumping down the tables.

Tables as stairs? Doesn’t that seem a bit unsafe? Couldn’t they fall over?”

Cole looks back when he reaches his room’s floor. “Yeah. They haven’t yet though, and the setup’s been pretty stable for the seven or so years I’ve been using it for now.”

“A-ah. …I think I’ll… stay up here then.”

“Suit yourself,” Cole says, putting on his backpack. “By the-… I’ll ask the mayor something when we get there, probably.”

“Oh, okay.”

Hopping back up the stairs, the armaldo slips out and closes his door, frowning back at his house before looking at the goodra before him. “Alright, you ready, Demi?”

“Yeah. I just… haven’t done much traveling. Body’s not built for that, y’know?”

“Yeh, fair ‘nuff. Want to get some transportation there? I think this is probably a good time to practice swimming as any.”

“Why practice now?” The goodra asks, worried.

“Get my heart pumping, just in case I happen to be doing it today. Gonna make sure to limit the amount of stuff I do outside, though.”

The goodra turns to Cole, eyeing him seriously. “Gotta ask then – what are you planning on doing if you go outside?”

“Ah, not much, really. I was hoping I could just come back in after I did a lap around the outside of the city before coming back in, telling ‘em my findings, and if it’s safe maybe venturing a little further out, possibly with some assistance.”

That puts the goodra into thought. “Well, what if you get attacked by something?”

The armaldo’s response is automatic. “Run away. Or, just contact the mayor or whoever will be working on the entrance to let me back in. I dunno how that stuff really works, but I’m hoping and guessing that it’s a two-door system. Something that I’ll ask the mayor about when we get to that point. I still have a ways to go before I can trust myself fighting any outsider.”

Demi looks a little reassured after that, at least. She takes a deep breath. “Alright. Yeah then, I think I’ll probably take transportation. Got a friend who’ll hopefully be willing to take me. And, if that doesn’t work out, there’s always others available.”

Cole nods, satisfied, and wordlessly starts walking back the way they came. Demi hurries to follow behind.

“So… this is the mayor’s place… Fancy.” Cole comments, looking at it carefully.

Double doors, various pokémon painted all over the building in gold, pillars holding the front up; it’s almost as sophisticated as the school, a building made to support thousands of pokémon.

Cole steps to the side, looking at Demi expectantly.

Confusion remains on her face before a flash of realization appears. “Oh… guess I’ll call him again.”

With a few seconds of static, Cole hears his voice for the first time in a while. “Ah! Demi. How’re things going?”

Hey, Mr. Wideleaf. We’re waiting outside; do you want us to come in, or-?”

“Oh! You’re here? Great! I’ll send my son down to greet you two then. Thanks for bringing him!”

“No… problem.”

She makes sure to hang up the ‘talkie before he can. Then, she turns to Cole.

“Well, after ya do this little run, would you be willing to be an interior designer? Seems you’re pretty crafty with that type of stuff.”

The armaldo looks at her weirdly. “I guess…? I haven’t really done much in terms of creativity with my room other than the table stairs which, as you’ve mentioned, aren’t even that safe.”

The goodra chuckles. “Oh, that’s easy. I could probably just set you up with someone who works in that area already-“

The doors to the building open wide, causing both Demi and Cole to jump. Standing just inside is an ivysaur that Cole has yet to have seen.

“Hello! Welcome to the mayor’s house. I’m his son, Balan, nice to see you again, Demi, and a pleasure to meet you for the first time, Mr. Watertusk!”

Cole jumps back in surprise at his energy levels. “I-I’m fine if you call me Cole.”

“Great! I’ll be bringing you to the mayor, but let’s walk n’ talk.”

Demi smirks as Cole fails to hide how overwhelmed he is.

“So. Why were ya interested in exploring outside the town?” He starts.

“W-well… I just want to see if there’s anything of note out there, what’s changed in the last 200 or so years, stuff like that. Honestly wasn’t planning on going too far with it. Really depends on how dangerous it is out there.”

“Interesting…”

He comes closer to the armaldo, whispering “Y’know, I was the one who told my father to consider this. I think the idea of finding new, untapped knowledge after so long is fascinating! Anything else that inspired you? Parents? Work-life?”

Cole cringes a little at both. “Out of those two, work life. As for parents, I don’t know ‘em.”

“Ah. An orphan? I never got a chance to look at your records.”

“Mhm.” The armaldo tilts his head up, thoughtful. “The town didn’t even know I existed until they realized that suddenly a fifth of the fish population was just… gone.”

“Oh? Haven’t heard that one before. I’ll have to ask my dad about it, then. Now, what about your work life is making you consider this?”

Cole slows down a bit, and the ivysaur keeps pace. “I’m… not great at keeping jobs. Doing something like this just seems to fit my skill area a lot better than anything I’ve been able to find in town.”

“How recently have you evolved, then? A year? Two?”

“Five years, give or take.”

“Ah, so you’re used to your body. That’s good. Have you been doing much exercise? Usually, the gyms in the city are pretty much barren of any pokémon.”

Cole nods, smiling. “Actually, yeah. I’m one of the few who does have an exercise routine; I go in once every other day to do whatever type of exercise sounds best for that day. I take walks around the edge of town often, as well.”

“Ooh! That’s even better, then! You might be even more prepared than I’d thought.”

Cole sees Demi trailing behind, deep in thought. He slows down even more, and the ivysaur looks at him worriedly.

“You tired?”

Cole doesn’t look away from the goodra. “Nah, just making sure Demi doesn’t fall too far behind.”

“Ah, fair. We’re not too far away from my dad’s office, anyway.”

Cole nods, taking his attention off of Demi. When they reach the door, he hears her steps quicken behind them.

The ivysaur knocks on the door. “Hey, dad! I got the armaldo and goodra for ya! Can we come in?”

The group hears a muffled “Yes, of course!” from behind the door, and Balan opens the door, beckoning the two of them in.

The first pokémon the venusaur mayor lays his eyes on is the armaldo in question, before turning to his son. “I’m assuming you asked him about qualifications for this?”

Cole’s eyes widen.

“Yup! Honestly, I think he’s pretty good to go as is. He said he’s one of the few ‘mons who uses the gym, and if we asked around I’d guess there’d be a fair few ‘mons that’d vouch for that.”

“Good. Now,” He turns back to Cole, “We are willing to let you explore outside of town, but do you have any parameters you want to set? I want to see how you measure your own abilities.”

The armaldo stands tall, taking in a deep breath of air as he does. “Yes, I do. Uh, I kinda talked about it a bit with Demi at lunch, but I was just thinking of doing a full lap around the outside walls to see their condition, the pokémon in range, etcetera before coming back in. If there isn’t much to be concerned about, I’d be more than fine with going out a little further.”

The venusaur looks to an assistant in the corner of the room, an espeon, who is writing all of it down. He nods in appreciation. “Anything else for you? That’s reasonable enough for me.”

“Uh, other thing I’m wondering about is the separation between inside and outside the city. Like… is it just one big door, or…?”

“Oh, no. We’re playing it far safer than that. We’ve got three doors separating the outside and inside. Just in case we have one pokémon somehow enter through the first door, they still have to wait for a door operator to unlock it. Technically it’s not 100% fool-proof, but I believe it’s more than enough.”

Cole nods. “Question related to that then; is there just the one triple-door system, or are there multiple around the perimeter?”

“There are 8 in total.” ‘Damn, nice.’

“Alright. Final concern I have; do you have any way of tracking me? Just in case something does happen.”

The venusaur looks to the espeon taking notes, who nods to him. She turns to the group. “Yes, actually. It’s small but effective; I made a tracking device that can give your location and measure your vitals from any location you’re at. Though the mapping’s inefficient, only being within three or so miles of our town, it still shows if you’re north, south, east, west, or a combination of those. As for vitals, it has three different modes: Well, Critical, and N/A. With well, it means you aren’t on the verge of death. With critical, it means you are on the verge of death. With N/A… well, you’re gone; either you are dead or the tracker breaks. You understand. Well is green, critical is red, and N/A is black.”

The mayor looks at her curiously. “What about if it gets taken off?”

The espeon freezes. “W-well… we didn’t really take that into account, but if that does happen it will also be marked as N/A. That’s kinda grouped with those as well, though I should definitely have included a color setting that indicates that... The best solution we have is to put it in a well-hidden part of your body. I was thinking under some scales on your neck where you likely wouldn’t get hurt, or it wouldn’t get discovered. That alright?”

Cole nods. The mayor continues, “Also, we’ll pack some food and make sure your walkie-talkie is up to date so that you can communicate verbally with us and so that you can survive even if you get separated from the town.”

Cole takes a deep breath, letting out a sigh mixed with a chuckle. “Seems like you’ve thought about this even more than I have.”

The ivysaur next to him beams. “Well, we’ve got multiple minds thinking at once. Planning’s not so hard if we all work together on it. In fact, if you’d like, we can pretty much letcha go now – just need to get the tracker put on and pack the necessary materials.”

Cole looks back at Demi for reassurance, but she looks even more nervous about this than he does. He walks over to her.

“So… guess this really is a major thing I can do now, eh?”

She gives him a half-hearted smile in return. “Yeah… Didn’t expect it to come about so suddenly, but no matter the preparations they make, I can’t help but be worried. Hate to admit it, but you’ve been in my life for over half of my lifetime – since I was fourteen years old. Are you sure about this?”

Cole smiles back. “I’ll probably be less and less sure as the process goes on, but for now, sure. I’ll say that.”

She frowns, but accepts that response.

The armaldo turns back to the rest of the room, keeping his positive tone. “I’m ready when you’re ready. Someone’s gonna have to do this soon enough anyways, yeah?”

Balan headbutts his back. “That’s the attitude. So… where do you want the chip, anyways? Guessing the neck?”

“Yup, neck’s fine.”

Demi waves by the door, getting his attention. “You guys get me when he’s ready, ‘Kay? I’m gonna make a call real quick.”

Cole gives her a small wave as she exits, the rest of the room giving their variations of “Sure.” Her saying that, however, made Cole realize something.

“I should contact my other friends that I’m doing this too, shouldn’t I?”

Cole stares back at his friends (or, at the very least, the friends that could show up; a lot of them are working busy jobs) alongside all the others that took time out of their day to watch him go from inside the first of the two rooms.

‘It has been over 200 years since someone’s ever taken it upon themselves to do this… Guess it makes sense that it’s a big thing. Wonder how many people the mayor actually told, or if it was just word of mouth.’

He’s as prepared as he can be, backpack strapped on and walkie-talkie in-hand. He gives one last wave to his friends before turning around, telling them to close the door behind him. Then, a voice comes up on his walkie-talkie, crackling like always. He recognizes it as Balan’s. “Alright, we’re opening door two now. Tell us when you’ve fully entered.”

He takes the few steps necessary to enter the second room, reporting that he’s fully in. The door closes behind him.

“You ready, Cole?”

The armaldo takes a deep breath, before narrowing his eyes. “I’m as ready as I’ll get for it being my first time out.”

“Fair, fair. Okay, opening door three. Be aware of any irregularities for us, yeah?”

“Got it.”

Despite himself, Cole couldn’t help but think about how exciting this was, seeing something that nobody had seen for two centuries. Even just a glimpse of it is exciting to him.

And, as the door grinds itself open, he can’t help but gasp at all the greenery around him. Tall-growing trees, fresh grass, hanging moss and more. Taking a step out into said grass, he gets a shiver. He turns on his ‘talkie.

“Wish we had some sort of vision-transmitter or something so that you could see this. Looks great out here. Overgrown and messy, but great.”

Balan laughs from the other side of the ‘talkie. “Well, once it’s confirmed safe I might take a trip out there myself. Sounds like the place to be.”

Cole hums, fully exiting the second room and telling Balan that he’s clear of the door. It closes behind him with an ominous groan, but he doesn’t even process it.

After a moment of standing around, however, he brings himself back to the present.

‘Well, other than a few overgrown plants nothing here really seems out of the ordinary.’

With that rather bland observation, he starts walking.

‘Based on what past history’s told us, there was a bunch of pokémon here who consistently ambushed them. Not exactly trying to jinx myself here, but I can’t help but be worried about how eerily quiet it is out here. Sure, the tree leaves are rustling and I can vaguely hear some happenings inside the city, but otherwise nothing.’

He stops after a good few steps, looking around again.

‘I wonder where they might’ve gone. I don’t think we really made a point to dictate typing either, they were just labeled as general ‘attackers’. Then again, they probably had better things to do than to watch a wall grow moss for 200 years. If they are here, by different part of the wall or something, I’d almost feel bad for ‘em.’

The armaldo continues walking, though a bit more nervous than before.

‘…Guess this isn’t exactly taking off the band-aid, eh? More of a roller coaster of tension. High when I got ready to leave, low when I initially left, and somewhat high again now that I’ve gotten a good chance to think about things.’

Soon enough, he passes what he recognizes as the first ‘door’.

‘Would say that was fast, but it really wasn’t, honestly. At this point, I’m kinda excited to get back into the city.’

He walks a little more, before stopping again.

‘Is it… because I’m not good on my own?’

That puts him in deep thought.

‘Guess it makes sense, considering I’ve been working with others my entire life, despite my rather solitary living style.

‘…Maybe next time I do this I can ask someone to go with me. That’d make for a fun conversation, at least.’


He walks past the second door, then the third.

“You spotted anything yet, Cole? The ‘talkie crackles with life. He freezes at the sudden noise.

“U-uh, no, nothing to report. Tha-“

He hears growling from behind him, and he turns around. His heart drops.

“…How close is the nearest door?”

“Around 100 feet in the direction you’re headed; why? Are you in any danger?”

Much to his relief, the sound doesn’t provoke the watching creatures.

“U-uh, I think so, yes-“

Without warning, he gets completely surrounded. Panicking, he looks around for an escape; any escape. His heart drops even further.

Carefully, he turns off his walkie-talkie, sets it down on the floor, and calmly retracts his claws, trying to feign innocence and submissiveness. It works, though only to a small extent; they’re still poised and ready to attack, but it doesn’t yet look like an any-moment thing. He uses that opportunity to identify the creatures.

Surrounding him are eight various species of pokémon, from a ninetales to a couple of arcanine, all of which being fire-types.

Before he can plan, however, one of the arcanines fire a literal beam of fire that the armaldo is forced to dodge, which he does so within an inch of his life. Looking for the walkie-talkie, he finds it burnt to a crisp in the grass. He realizes that he has to come up with a plan; he has no other choice in the matter

As he dodges, his panicked eyes look to the direction of the door. Realizing how far away it is, he quickly comes up with a backup plan to escape using a different method. It’s a very risky one, but if it works well enough then he should be in the clear. At least, he hopes that to be the case.

And that plan involves dashing right towards the door.

Something that would work if the fire types hadn’t figured out that that door was his safe area.

Luckily for him, that was part of his plan.

Because, not even 30 meters away, is a waterfall. Since they’re fire-types, it wouldn’t be a bad place to run to, right?

Stomping a foot into the ground for traction, he bounces off of it to the right and dashes between an arcanine and a salazzle. The group of fire-types not expecting him to go away from the town, they’re caught completely flat-footed and pawed as he escapes.

He knows that Arcanine can learn extreme speed – he’d learned that in school. But he also knows of their aversion to water, and they’d likely be unwilling to fall down a waterfall that could possibly drown or kill them.

So, with no regrets, Cole throws himself off of the cliff, diving into the water below.

Unfortunately, there happens to be something between him and the river below – that something just so happening to knock him out.

Balan sits in the office, surrounded by three others, each of their faces twisted into horror at the static his ‘talkie is producing.

He ends up being the first one to talk. “Well, fuck. That didn’t go as planned at all.

He walks over to the espeon. “Star, is he still alive?”

“Yes, but he is currently in critical. Based on the map, I think he landed in a river. No idea where he’s going, but if he’s unconscious that river might carry him a bit too far away to come back. I am unsure if he’s fit to survive at this rate, but all we can do is really watch the light, and hope it doesn’t turn to black.”

Balan sees the goodra in the corner of the room muttering to herself. “Why did you have to do this, Cole…?’

Balan directs his attention back to the yellow dot on the espeon’s tracker.

‘Well, Cole? I guess that kinda proves how dangerous this still is, so I doubt we’ll be sending someone out there for a long while. If you survive, though… I’ll wish you the best.’

Alright! So that was that first chapter. I could probably consider it an intro chapter honestly, but it did what I wanted it to do.

Now, I kiiiinda wrote this in 5 or so days based on a very not-in-detail dream that I had. Honestly, though? It was just too good of an idea to pass up. It's a great idea for a side story that'll just allow me to do whatever; this chapter was pretty much the extent of that dream. Didn't expect it to turn into 9.7k words of content, but it makes me happy that it managed that.

And no, my main story is by no means canceled. I just kinda got stuck on a certain character introduction.

Also, a lot of the things I introduced in this chapter were done on a whim. Last names, first names, the town's general layout, the electrical net, etc. You may see it later, but as I said above; this chapter was just a setup. You can interpret this chapter as you please.

See y'all soon, and hope ya enjoyed reading!
 
Last edited:

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
Happy birthday! And congrats on getting this fic posted exactly when you meant to. Starting a new story is a big accomplishment, and you've got a really interesting one here!

Based on your author's note at the end, I'm guessing you may not have completely figured out what sort of world this is--why/how these pokémon ended up sealing themselves away in the city, what really lives outside, etc. At least right now it gives post-apocalyptic, almost sinister vibes. It doesn't seem like this is all some sort of cover-up, like what you have in a story like Wool, but I was seeing suspicious clues all over, like the fact that no one seems to question that the world outside is inhospitable or that they're in this super enclosed, isolated city but still getting meat from somewhere. (Where's it COMING from??? so sus) There are definitely some quirks you could lean into there that would make the city feel a bit dystopian, heh. I was kind of surprised that no one in the city seems to have had literally any contact with the world on the far side of the wall. Like, are there really no windows anywhere? Seems like a bit of a design oversight if not; not being able to see what's going on outside means you don't know if the scary pokémon out there are, for example, trying to dig a tunnel under your big wall!

It's definitely an intriguing setting, one way or another. The mention of shadow pokémon certainly got my attention!

Armaldo's a cool pokémon, and I think it's great that you decided to write a story about one of your faves. Cole makes a solid protagonist for this story, I think--kind of low key but curious, out of step with the world around him and ready to try something different. I'm intrigued by the fact that he apparently kind of showed up out of nowhere and doesn't even remember his own past. A surprise human-turned-pokémon? A wild pokémon that somehow got inside the walls and became "civilized?" There are a number of interesting questions that could go. One way or another, Cole's obviously out of step with the rest of society, and I think you do a good job of showing just how out of place he feels. Despite this, he's managed to make a few friends. I feel like Demi, at least, will have a big role to play in this story. There's no way she's not going after Cole, or at least going to mount some kind of rescue mission. I wonder what her deal is... she's apparently a job counselor, but why would someone need to be a star student to do that job? She's also up at six (weird time for a job that involves meeting with people, since a lot aren't going to want to see her at that time) and apparently has a direct line to the mayor. Kind of fishy!

If there was one thing I thought would have improved this chapter, it would be cutting back a little on the expository internal monologue. Cole does a lot of musing to himself about the worldbuilding and about his own past. This ultimately ended up feeling a bit artificial to me, like you were trying to get this information out there for readers even though it's a little weird for the character to keep thinking about the facts of his world/life in that way. I think you might have been trying to put everything you'd figured out about this story right up front in this first chapter, which makes sense; you want to show it off! But realistically you have the entire story to cover these topics, so leaving some for later might be preferable to trying to fit it all into the first chapter. Similarly, I think we might have spent a little more time than necessary on the mundane parts of Cole's life, e.g. watching him microwave a veggie burger. You want a bit of this to establish Cole's situation, but it got to be a little much for me. If the character finds it boring, chances are the audience does, too!

You might also want to take another proofreading pass through here. One thing I noticed was some confusion over punctuating dialogue. You do it right sometimes ("“Sorry Mr. Watertusk,” the class choruses, quieter.") but wrong in others ("“So. What time do you wanna do this breakfast thing?” She continues.'; "she" should not be capitalized), so reviewing the rules there might be a good idea. There were also quite a number of typos or other small problems ("(it's electrical *sacs rather than sacks, and a "cue" to leave rather than a "queue" to leave) that a little more proofreading might help you catch. One last thing on that topic--a couple times the narration refers to something as "our X," such as "The rest of our meal passes in silence." Since this fic is in the third person, you want to use "their" instead of "our!"

In the end, this is shaping up to be a fun story! I'm really interested to see whether this is going to go in a more PMD direction or if it's more an original setting... there are wilds out there (and perhaps other civilizations?) but no dungeons as such. You've definitely thrown Cole into a big old mess, and I'm curious to see how you'll get him out of it! It's also kind of funny, this first chapter reminded me a lot of Cynsh's Fighting Nature, about a pokémon living unhappily in the city but feeling like he'd make a much better fighter. This story is definitely going in a different direction, and Fighting Nature is unfortunately discontinued, but I thought you might find it a fun read. Thanks for posting, and good luck with the next chapter of this fic!
 

REDWAV5

Baro
Location
The Abyss
Pronouns
He/Him
Happy birthday! And congrats on getting this fic posted exactly when you meant to. Starting a new story is a big accomplishment, and you've got a really interesting one here!
Hey, Negrek! Thanks for the kind wishes, and glad my story's interesting to you!
Seems like a bit of a design oversight if not; not being able to see what's going on outside means you don't know if the scary pokémon out there are,
I think this was more of a way for whoever was in charge that 200 years ago to tell the pokémon living in the city both then and now "Don't worry about it; you're safe in these walls regardless." Then again, as you said above, I'm not 100% on how the world as a whole works, much less the city.
trying to dig a tunnel under your big wall!
There are certain areas I ended up not covering when I probably could've, though that's probably because I don't think I'm looking at this chapter the same way you are. I think for this the ground underneath is perhaps made of something similar to the walls, but that's just me throwing something in to work.
doesn't even remember his own past. A surprise human-turned-pokémon? A wild pokémon that somehow got inside the walls and became "civilized?" There are a number of interesting questions that could go.
Nah, he remembers his past. He first got found when he was six or so months old, and the only reason he brought up his past in the first place was to see if Balan knew him from anything. I won't deny either of the theories you have for it, though.
If there was one thing I thought would have improved this chapter, it would be cutting back a little on the expository internal monologue.
Based on how you think of this, I think we probably processed this chapter a bit differently than one another. While I agree that there are definitely a few parts that drag on a bit too long, my main goal for this chapter was to get the primary points of the dream completed, and to get a good measure of Cole's impressions of things in and around the city before he left to give good insight on what he was missing, why he may be leaving, etc. Plus, I think in general this chapter was built to be more of a slice-of-life than anything else.
You might also want to take another proofreading pass through here.
Yeah, that's fair enough. I did do a pretty quick spin so it's not very surprising I didn't catch everything - especially the accidental change to first person for a small bit. (My main fic is in first person, I'm really not surprised I mixed the two up at least once.)
this first chapter reminded me a lot of Cynsh's Fighting Nature,
I knew this one was out there somewhere, I couldn't remember what it was called, though. Thanks for linking it here, I've been meaning to reread it, especially now that I'm writing something that starts off with a somewhat similar setting. They'll definitely separate in the coming chapters, but it's not like I was planning on going in that direction anyways.

Final thing, saw this mentioned in the intro thread, but the main reason I neglected to upload my main fic here is that I'm waiting until I get good, consistent progress on it. I'll probably transfer it over soon enough, but fn I'm just gonna stick to Fronter on Thousand Roads. If you'd like to read what I have regardless, here's a link. It very heavily focuses on the PMD setting, and uses some weird pokémon that I nabbed from random fangames and more, but there's a lot to it.
 
Last edited:

Negrek

Play the Rain
Staff
Ah, I gotcha--it makes sense that you were thinking mostly about how to recreate your dream in this chapter. I definitely do have a tendency to bother about worldbuilding a lot, heh. I'm tickled that you're actually familiar with Fighting Nature yourself; glad I could get you a link for it, then!

Thanks for the link to your other fic. It's pretty rare to see a PMD fic that uses fakemon--sounds like a good time!
 
Top Bottom