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Feedback On This Fight?

Pokeplan07

Youngster
Pronouns
he/him
I am writing a fanfic where Silver challenges Cynthia to an unofficial battle. First, Silver uses a Magmortar against Cynthias Togekiss. However, Togekiss uses a combo of Serene grace and Air slash to 3 hit ko Magmortar. Silver then sends out Magnezone who is able to take out togekiss after getting damaged itself from aura sphere.
Cynthia then sends out garchomp as Silver sends out Gyarados hoping to counter, Garchomps ground typing. However, Cynthia one shots it with a critical hit stone edge. I am most likely giving Gyarados the moxie ability so it does not mess up the flow of the fight with intimidate. As it lowering Garchomps stat would make the fight slower, I want it to be Ko'd quickly.
Silver then sends out Weaville hoping to land some quad-effective ice attacks. However Garchomp evades the attacks with sand veil. It then hits Weaville with stone edge who then feints from sandstorm damage.
Silver then sends out Ursaring, and Cynthia responds by mega-evolving Garchomp. Ursaring gets hit with a critical hit Stone edge powered up by sand force. Before Ursaring feints from sandstorm damage. Silver then sends out feraligatr who manages to land a quad-effective ice fang, but garchomp endures it and hits it with dragon claw. It then evades and defeats Feraligatr with a powered-up dig.
Silver then sends out Weaville, hoping to land some quad-effective ice attacks. However, Garchomp evades the attacks with sand veil. It then hits Weaville with a stone edge who then feints from sandstorm damage.
The battle is meant to showcase how strong Cynthia is. Also to humble silver by showing him the literal power of bonds through mega evolutuon. Which is why I want to battle to flow swiftly and effectively. Though I am unsure if Critical hits were a good way to showcase Cynthia's power.
 

TheCouchEffect

Junior Trainer
Pronouns
He/His
So the overall layout of the fight seems fine. My question is if you plan to write it out like this and use terms like Critical Hits? I'd say that this battle could flow well depending on how exactly you right it.
 

DawningWinds

Ace Trainer
Partners
  1. hawlucha
I feel like suggesting Cynthia's victory coming so quickly via repeated critical hits might diminish the power level your attempting to demonstrate her having, and instead suggest she's just really lucky? It's a pretty minor change to just not say she's landing a bunch of criticals I feel like, so I'd make that change. Otherwise I think this scene should work pretty nicely for its intended purpose.
 
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