Today's Exquisite Corpse reading reminded me that I'd actually forgotten to get a couple of my previous corpses properly posted. Sorry about that! Here's the first of them, the first of the two legendary POV corpses! We had ten wonderful authors for this corpse:
Thanks to all of you for putting together a wonderfully wild and wacky corpse! I hope you'll enjoy revisiting this one, and I'm excited to see how our second legendary POV corpse went off the rails in what's sure to be an entirely different way!
Xurkitree’s senses blur when he hits the ground. They feel many things - A wet substance coats his front, drops of water trickle onto his back, and a sharp pain runs through his leg. They wince as they drag themselves onto their knees and examine themselves. The mess on them is brown, much like the ground beneath it, made soggy by the falling water above them. What is this? Why is water falling? Vivid nature sprouts all around them and bends and sways in the howling wind. Unknown creature yell out all around them, numerous but unseen in the dark. That portal wasn’t a dream and they’re not in their world anymore.
Is the portal still around? They scramble but they fall back down and cover themselves in another layer of mud before they even reach the first tree. The pain in their leg makes them scream. They hold onto it, rubbing it. Once the piercing sensation eases, they drag themselves back up, hobbling in a random direction. The ground is uneven unlike the flat wastelands of their homeworld and they need to catch themselves on trees and hanging branches. Each step has them crunching and cracking something new underfoot. Wet leaves slather across their body and twigs scratch into the rubber. Their feet become coated in earth, uneasily grounding their electrical nature. Why has this happened to them?
After an hour of stumbling and limping in this miserable storm, they come across a clearing. Beasts are here, sheltering on the other side: a large brown one sitting by a couple of small, orange ones. A large leaf above them keeps them dry of the water. The smaller ones make some of the many cries the Xukitree has been hearing - whines of fear in this fierce storm. The parent has been silent up until one points to the ultra beast and wails.
Xurkitree withdraws behind a tree but the large Pokemon raises its head and sniffs them out. It gets on his hind legs and walks into the middle of the clearing. It’s height and bulk are intimidating and a bright yellow ring glowing on their chest stands out in the darkness. It growls. The Ultra Beast stays frozen.
It charges. In their panic, a fierce, white bolt of lightning strikes the stampeding Pokemon. The forest, its canopy, and the sky light up in a moment of blinding light. The ground shakes from the ferocity of the thunder. Cries flare up as unseen Pokemon flee from the lightning. The charging beast falls on its belly, burnt in numerous spots with smoke rising off its skin, sizzling in the rain. Its cubs cry and run away.
The bear doesn’t get up, not even after minutes of Xurkitree staring at it in silence. Eventually they get out and limp up to it. They poke its warm fur. Nothing. They nudge its shoulder - it doesn’t move. Was it even attacking them?
They hear the sound of new creatures coming from the trees. These sounds stand out because they understood it. “It should be past here,” one of them says.
Cones of bright light filters past the trees and bushes in the direction of the sound. Xurkitree lowers their body behind the dead bear. “Think that had anything to do with Yvetal?”
“Yvetal couldn’t have done that, no. Whatever it was is probably just as much a danger.”
“I really don’t think this is a good idea…”
“No, we’re investigating. We have a job to do. Stay alert.”
Freakier Aliens pass into the clearing. No fur, just patches of loose-hanging different coloured skin, save for on their faces. They hold a small cylinder that shines a beam of light, a move unlike any Xurkitree has seen. Each point their lights to them, overwhelming their visual senses.
“An Ultra Beast?”
“Yes. Take it out!”
Another flash of light, and a new monster appears where none was before. It’s made of grey chipped rock and a horn sticks out at the end of its muzzle. “Bulldoze, Rhydon!” its trainer shouts. This new monster rushes towards them with a howl, the ground shaking with its steps
Xurkitree shouts loud with its cry resembling the hollow ring of a steel cable being struck. Another bolt shoots from above. It absorbs the full blast and stands tall as if not a single joule of energy has flowed through its body. The intense light and deafening boom, however, causes it to stop in its tracks and hold its head. The humans behind it hold their arms over their eyes, or against their ears, and wobble around disoriented.
“Everyone okay?” one shouts.
“What was that?” shouts another one. Soon more murmur, and others shout over each other, unable to hear each other with their ringing ears.
Xurkitree examines the teetering creatures and realizes they can escape. They flee in the opposite direction, ignoring the agony infecting their limb. “Rhydon, chase it down. Use Earthquake when you can!” is heard not far behind them. They keep flying past trees bending over the now more-intense wind. The rain slathers everything, having picked up. Not much further, their leg gives up and they collapse onto the banks of a narrow, rocky river. They force their leg to move but it throws a tantrum with a livid ache. The roar of the Rhydon rings out behind them. They grab the larger rocks of the stream and pulls themself downstream, howling in agony. Its body begs them to stop, but the thoughts of seeing home one last time keep them moving. They can’t end here.
The Ryhdon steps out the bushes and approaches the edge of the river. Xurkitree tries one more time to fry it with a thunderbolt. Although it still stuns its senses, it stays unharmed enough to raise a foot and stamp the ground. The earth shakes, snapping the strained trees and tossing rocks and water of the stream around. Xurkitre tumbles and bruises. The electrical lifeblood fades and they’re left panting and vision blurry. They grab another rock, but they’re too weak to pull themselves further. The ground-type’s loud stomps announce its approach. They can’t channel any more electricity. This is it.
They turn their head to face the monster for when robs them of life or freedom. It stands above, snarl on its face and its eyes cold and serious. It raises a foot once more time before the sound of gigantic wings flapping distract it. The faint shadow of a giant bird pulsing a dim red glow perches on the bank beside it. The ground-type lets out a shout that’s interrupted immediately by a beam of red energy consuming it. Everything around the stream basks in the sickly dark light. Xurkitree finds their vision sharpening while the pain in their leg dwindle and strength returns to them. They stare dumbstruck until the ray evaporates, leaving the Ryhdon’s many shades paler. It collapses.
The monstrous bird turns its beak towards them. Xurkitree crawls backwards, holding an arm up in front of them. The ends of its hands begin to spark.
“Stop. I’m here to help you,” The giant says. It steps towards him, wading its talons into the rushing waters.
They stop, but they keep an arm in front of their head, anxiously peering past it. They tremble while the bird continues to speak. “Those humans hunt down legendaries they consider undesirable. They were looking for me. It’s unfortunate you were pulled here. Come join me, I’ll keep you safe and help find your way home,” Yvetal says, offering a mighty wing to the muddy and bruised Xurkitree. Meanwhile, the flashlights of the humans hunting them peak through the trees around them and close in.
Part Two
"We must hurry," Yveltal said, glancing towards the direction of the lights with a grimace. They didn't have much time. "Come, we'll take to the skies."
Xurkitree shivered as the sound of footsteps and voices drew nearer, they winced, draping an arm over to Yveltal and climbing onto the mighty bird.
A light flashed onto them, exposing their location as one of the humans shouted, "There he is!"
The human's voice sent chills down Yveltal's spine, something about it reminded him terribly of her. No… it can't be…
Noticing the sudden movement, Xurkitree asked, their voice trembling a bit. "What's wrong?"
Yveltal froze for a moment and Xurkitree thought they had seen the mighty legendary turned an ashen white. "It's nothing," Yveltal finally said, forcing himself to calm down with heavy breaths.
Yveltal glanced at the arriving humans with a grimace. Arceus. Did she find me?
Was she amongst the humans?
… No, she couldn't be. She wasn't that desperate… no, Yveltal was probably imagining it. There was no way she'd even know where he was.
Yveltal shook his head, beating his wings and taking to the night sky.
The cool breeze of the night brought a strange sense of relief to Xurkitree. They glanced around, taking in the sight around them. Small dots of light littered the sky, not unlike the ones in their home world but there was a strange yet relaxing feel about the sight.
The stars alone were already quite endearing but adding in the full moon gleaming down on them, the soft brushes of the trees below and the mountains before them. Xurkitree couldn't believe how such a discordant place could possibly hold onto this harmonic cadence.
"Are you feeling well?" Yveltal said with a barely-noticeable stutter.
"I'm… doing fine," answered Xurkitree although it was still quite cumbersome to move its limbs for more than a couple seconds. "It is truly a surprise that you, Bringer of Destruction, had come to rescue me. Thank you. I couldn't imagine what they'd do to me if I were contained there any longer."
"Well, I was just doing what's right. Any other legend would've helped you if they'd wanted to." Yveltal grimaced with a sigh. "And please, call me Yveltal. My title brings too many… connotations to mind and I despise the hatred and fear it inspires."
Xurkitree balked, staring at Yveltal in disbelief. "You're… unlike the many stories my fellow brethrens spoke of."
Yveltal let out an annoyed sigh. "Well, you can blame that Xerneas bitch for giving me such displeasure… you'd think breaking up with them would be good for you but–" He cut himself off when he remembered he had a passenger on board. "So, what is Ultra Space like?"
Xurkitree didn't respond with anything but a gulp. Confused with the response, Yveltal said, "Xurkitree? Something's caught in your wires, bud?"
"Xurkit–"
Yveltal could feel Xurkitree's body shaking against his back as they lifted an arm, pointing at something in the distance.
"Wh-what is that?"
Yveltal turned and felt his heart sink as two giant eyes stared at them with a hungry look. Almost immediately, Yveltal knew what it was.
"G-Giratina!"
Located in a realm beyond space and time was a small building, if you could even call it a building that is as it only had one room, barely big enough for an adult person to live comfortably in. The room was messy, almost as if no one had cared enough to clean it as there was trash littered everywhere. You could barely walk around without stepping on a crushed can or an empty potato chips bag. Above the messy bed was a red light bulb which was currently flashing and blaring out an obnoxious 'Beep!' every so often.
Across the bed, a small Pokémon was hovering above a chair, its eyes fixed on the monitor in front of it. Its telekinetic powers pressed down on the keyboard and after a moment, the Celebi grinned, wearing a pair of headphones modified for its tiny head.
"Haha! Gamer Celebi's done it once again!" it chirped, shouting into the microphone. "That's what you get for camping! Next time, acquire some skills, kid! You got nothing on this, you little bi–"
Almost like a curse had been lifted, Gamer Celebi blinked, the flashing red catching its attention. "What the?" It turned around, a nervous grimace appearing on its face. "Oh boy. Oh crap…craaaap. I forgot… about… craaaap… Dialga's gonna be so mad…"
It chuckled nervously at the thought of the dragon coming down, lecturing it and putting it on a time-out from its games. Gulping down its fears, it opened up a portal. "Let's hope I'm not too late."
Giratina.
Xurkitree knew of that name. Many of their home's inhabitants knew that Pokémon.
The god of antimatter. One of the three Pillars. One of the Creation Gods.
The name alone planted Xurkitree down, their arms wrapping around Yveltal's body in terror.
Noticing his passenger's sudden motion, Yveltal instructed in a calm voice, "Don't move. Don't make a sound. Don't do anything that might provoke it. Giratina is only here because it sensed a foreign being, if you present yourself friendly, you'll be–"
"GROOAARR!!" Giratina let loose a bone-shattering screech, its glowing eyes giving off a low hum. Rearing back, a big blue energy ball formed in front of its worm-like body and it fired.
"Shit! Hold on!" Yveltal said, twisting his body to dodge the approaching Focus Blast.
Xurkitree obeyed without skipping a beat, tightening their grip as Yveltal swerved and dodged Giratina's attacks.
Knowing that they'd no choice but to fight back, Yveltal ascended higher into the sky before diving back down with a wing glowing black. He struck Giratina with an Oblivion Wing with the dragon staggering back with a low grunt. Giratina, however, didn't seem to like the hit as it let loose another Roar.
Grimacing at the lack of results, Yveltal fired back with a stream of Shadow Balls and a constant bout of Oblivion Wings.
The attacks connected, exploding in a cloud of smoke. But from the looks of things, Giratina didn't seem to be affected much as two glowing eyes stared back. Sweat dripped down Yveltal's head, the sheer pressure of the dragon before him was weighing him down.
A sudden shout tore Yveltal's away from the dragon, as he now realised the lack of weight on his back. "Yveltal, help!"
Xurkitree was plummeting towards their death! "Shit!" he cursed as Giratina dived straight for the falling Ultra Beast. Following suit, he overtook the dragon, his wings beating as fast as they could.
Shit. At this rate, Yveltal wouldn't be able to make it and with how injured Xurkitree had been, they'll…
No, he had to do this. He needed to save another kindred soul… or at least, keep them safe from that monster.
With his sudden conviction and a new burst of speed, he was actually making it. Closer and closer! He could actually save them, save– No! No! Giratina! It–
The world around Yveltal faded into a dull gray as a low hum reverberated through the cold night. A blue portal opened up in front of Yveltal as a small green creature wearing a pair of human headphones(?) appeared.
A Celebi?
The Celebi extended an arm. "Come with me if you want to live!"
Yveltal glanced at the Celebi and the portal behind it, wary of the tiny mythical.
"Come on! I don't have all time! Giratina's gonna break out soon!" shouted the Celebi, waving its arms frantically.
Yveltal glanced back at Giratina and indeed, he could see small movement coming from the dragon despite the suspected time freeze. Wasting no time, he grabbed the frozen Xurkitree and charged into the portal, ignoring the Celebi's surprised cry.
Yveltal and Xurkitree came tumbling out of the portal before being forced into a halt as a gray aura took hold of them.
"Phew, that was a close one," Celebi said, the portal closing up behind it. "We were almost cooked but as always, the greatest gamer throughout the entirety of time had just made out with a win." Celebi turned back to the Pokémon it saved before striking a V-pose. "Hehe, GC just saved yo butts so now it's time for you to–Hey, don't touch that! That monitor's worth more than anything you'd ever buy!"
Yveltal stared at GC, raising a brow at its eccentricity. "Where are we?"
"My realm! It's got like the greatest signal in all of the known universe, high-speed connection through all time, baby!" GC paused, poking its chin with a finger. "Well, and erm, don't tell Dialga. But I was actually supposed to get you a–um… couple months earlier… so… heh heh…" It chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of its head.
Yveltal took a moment to digest the eccentric mon's words. "What do you mean 'a couple months earlier'? He glared at GC who wilted and shrank away from the legendary.
"Well… the world's in danger… or well, it will be," GC said. "Time travel's a bit messy to wrap your heads around so I'll be brief. Some time in the future, every life on our planet and our universe's part of Ultra Space will be exterminated by an unknown force. The only information we have is that apparently Xerneas played a part in it so–"
The feathers on his back raised as he snarled. Xerneas? What did that bitch do? Ending all life? Not even he wanted something like that.
… oh no, oh fuck. She couldn't be… No, Yveltal was going to stop her. He wasn't going to let her enslave the world.
Yveltal gazed at GC. "What do I need to do?"
"Hmm? Oh, well… I don't know. That Xurkitree wasn't supposed to be here for this but–" GC shrugged. "–You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess."
Unfreezing the Xurkitree, Gamer Celebi created a portal and pointed at it. "Alright! Yveltal, Xurkitree! The fate of the world is resting on your shoulders, find Xerneas, figure out why and how she was responsible for the extermination of all life and if possible, try and stop her!"
Part Three
Yveltal grunted noncommittally, while I saluted Celebi. She was one of the only living, sane gods left; we would absolutely not fail her.
"C'mon, big bird, let's go!" I nudged Yveltal and turned to walk out towards the wastelands.
"We don't even know where Xerneas is, imbecile." Yveltal growled at me.
I stopped, the electricity in my system faltering briefly. "O-Oh, heheh, you're right. Wait, aren't you guys, like, linked or whatever? Don't you know where she is at all times, or is that not a thing anymore?"
"...That ability has become limited since the apocalypse. However, since my divine powers were stolen from me, I suppose I would be of little concern to Xerneas if I were near. And… you, well, you're one of the Apocalypse Beasts. Xerneas would surely know of your existence."
My lights dimmed slightly at the mention of the weirdo group I used to belong to. The humans had called us 'Ultra Beasts', but it turns out we were fated to bring about the end of the world. Xerneas didn't do shit. But now I was the only one left, since humans had thought every different species of Beast had multiple members. Nope. Only one of each. I was the only one who'd refused to take part in killing all the humans and regular Pokémon on earth, so… I guess that was how I survived.
"Yeah, I guess that's true. So, like, what are we supposed to do?"
Yveltal's eyes glinted, a steely gaze I hadn't seen in them since before we killed Solgaleo for trying to bring the sun down on the planet.
"We go, regardless of the danger. If we succeed in killing my counterpart, then there may be some semblance of order brought to those remaining gods. If we fail, then… what remains of the world will soon follow."
Yveltal gestured for me to hop on, and I did. We soon took flight through the air, surveying landscapes from on high.
Only when the sun had set, and my electricity was the only light we had, did we find Xerneas' location.
It was little more than a brief glint on the surface at first. As we drew closer, it shimmered like a desert mirage and revealed a grand palace of crystal.
"Well, shit, you think that's it?" I jokingly asked Yveltal.
His only response was "Yes." before he dove at a nearly 90-degree angle, forcing me to bury my wires in his mane so that I didn't fall off.
He righted himself and flew straight through a crystal window, which gave me a cool face-full of gem shards. Super awesome.
He rolled to a stop, unfortunately crushing me under his weight and also forcing me to let go of him.
Once we were both up, we looked around to see that we had found ourselves in a massive hallway, comprised entirely of sparkling blue crystals.
"Well, points for creativity, I guess." I mumbled as I tried to straighten out some of my wires that had gotten tangled in the rough landing.
Yveltal wasted no time in moving towards the massive double-door at the end of the hallway.
"Oop, nevermind, no points for creativity. Three guesses as to what's behind that door." I continued to quip as I finally straightened out my wires and hopped up alongside Yveltal.
He smacked me upside the head with a massive wing, and snarled, "Silence! Beyond these doors awaits Xerneas herself, and we must be sure that we are sufficiently composed for this fight."
I shrugged as best as I could without having any real shoulders, and mumbled, "Yeah, yeah, okay. No more jokes, I guess."
Yveltal shoved open the double-doors, and… yeah, that was Xerneas on the other side, standing in front of a throne. No surprise what it was made of.
"Traitors. Why dost thou invade mine palace?" She said in a booming voice that demanded respect.
Unfortunately for her, I had no respect left to give, especially not with that ridiculous manner of speech. I cried out in my best theatrical voice, "Oh, deepest apologies, your majesty! Such a capital crime we are committing by trespassing on thy property! Surely we should be put to death--"
Yveltal hissed, "We come to slay you!" and flung himself towards Xerneas.
Welp, shit. Now it was officially a fight between a grumpy-ass Yveltal; me, the most kick-ass Xurkitree ever; and some delusional-ass Xerneas. Fun.
Part Four
I raised my tail overhead, electricity dancing between the prongs as I took aim at Yveltal and fired a zap cannon. She rolled in midair, diving beneath it as she made for Xerneas. Her tail ribboned behind her, glowing deep red. Then, seconds before impact, she broke her dive, wings spreading wide as she rained down a dark red beam.
Xerneas leaped away, but the ground broke beneath him, torn asunder by the beam. He struggled to keep his balance.
Which was just the opening I needed. I fired another electrical orb, which exploded against his side and sent him stumbling. He screamed, antlers flickering with light as his own moonblast sailed wide
If I had a mouth, I’d smirk. That wouldn’t keep Xerneas down, but it would incapacitate him for a while. Which gave me time to deal with the bird.
Speaking of which, where was Yveltal? I’d totally lost sight of her in the heat of the moment. Surely there was nowhere for a ‘mon of her size to hide?
Then ghostly force and a heavy weight slammed into me from behind, sending me pinwheeling across the ground. It would be funny if it happened to anyone other than me. But now I’m just pissed.
Climbing back to my feet, I quickly brushed as much dirt and grass as I could–I had to look my best, after all. Then I raised my noodly arms, letting sparks dance between them as I stared her down. “Oh, you wanna go, brat? You wanna go?”
Annoying as it may be, I had to admit that the fight was exhilarating. It would be a shame if I forgot about my epic battle against Xerneas and Yveltal. Who am I kidding; how could I ever forget something like this?
Part Five
I rushed through my morning routine as quickly as I could, which didn't take very long since I’m a Pokémon and Pokémon don’t wear clothes. Just a quick shower followed by brushing my fur and shoving my books into my backpack. Toast popped out of the toaster and I caught it in my mouth before flying out the door. No time to lose!
As I flew down the street, munching my breakfast, my thoughts wouldn’t stop circling the upcoming battle. What form would be best? Something that could take Xerneas and Yveltal at the same time… Maybe a steel-type? Or an electric-type? Being a Magnezone was hardly going to win me any coolness points here, though. I needed something with a little more wow factor. Something dazzling, y’know?
Well, there’d be plenty of time to figure it out on the school bus.
Wait… school bus? I didn’t attend school. I was a Legendary Pokémon. Had I ever attended school?
While I was puzzling over that question, the bus arrived, and I put my worries out of my mind in favor of thinking about the totally awesome battle I was about to have once I arrived at school. I could hardly stop bouncing up and down in my seat!
The instant the bus came to a stop and the door opened, I zoomed out and made a straight shot right for the most important building—that’s right, the gym. I hi-fived a couple of Pokémon who had been chatting by the entrance when they heard me coming and looked up with starry eyes. Heh, I guess they must have heard about my battle. Oh, who was I kidding, who wouldn’t have heard about it?
The gym seating was packed. So many legends I’d never seen before! Was that Solgaleo and Lunala in the back row? And they were here to watch my battle! Which meant it was time to show off what form I’d be taking…
I stepped out onto the battlefield on four legs tipped with iron claws. My long, shiny mane swirled dramatically at my side. And, most importantly, I was holding a huge kickass sword in my jaws! I was Zacian now! Let’s see those two take me on like this!
On the other end of the gym, Xerneas glanced at Yveltal and whispered something that I couldn’t hear. Then a buzzer sounded, and the battle was on!
Yveltal launched into the air while the gym floor around Xerneas shone with a rainbow light. Geomancy, huh? Then I’d just boost my own strength! I swung my sword around in a dazzling pattern, already feeling my power growing. I felt like I could cut a mountain in half!
Yveltal dove right at me, wings trailing a dark aura, but I just leaped aside and slammed the sword into their back. The blade felt lighter than air to me even though the impact smashed Yveltal into the floor. But then, a glint of light behind me! I cleverly raised a Protect shield at the last minute and the multicolored light spilled out around it. Then I dashed forward and landed another sword strike! Xerneas flew backward into the wall.
The legends in the stands cheered! Yes! This was already going great!
And then something struck my back. I turned just in time to see Yveltal bearing down on me, right before a dark beam fired from its wing, draining my energy. I staggered backward, gritting my teeth. Nothing I couldn’t handle.
I straightened myself and adjusted my grip on my sword… and then suddenly realized that it was gone. What? I hadn’t dropped it, had I? I glanced around hurriedly and couldn’t help feeling like I was… smaller than I had been. Had I lost my grip on the Transform? Well, that was a real downer, but I could probably still beat them!
The stands had gone quiet. What was the problem? Even if I wasn’t Zacian anymore, they were acting like they’d never seen a Mew before.
I looked down at my body, expecting to see the familiar pink fur, but all there was was… slime? Slime?!
The crowd booed, and I shrank backwards. I tried to raise my paws but they were gone, melted into little nubs. What was happening?
A dream! Of course, I was dreaming, that had to be it! Why else would this battle be happening in a school gym? Had to wake up, had to wake up!
I tried slapping my cheek, but I only got the wet slap of blob against blob.
“A Ditto?” Xerneas said haughtily. “Have you been pretending to be Mew this whole time?”
“N-no, I can explain!” I cried.
“It’s too late,” Yveltal bellowed, bearing down on me while Xerneas shook their head sadly, “now everyone in school knows your secret, you fake legend, you.”
Part Six
I dipped my head, unable to meet Yveltal's gaze, and stared at my paws as if I could find some sympathy there, at least. Instead, all I found was yet another reminder of how I did not – could not, would not – ever fit in among these gods and angels. The bulbous pads at the tips of my fingers, the thin lavender fur on my skin... How clear it seemed now that coming to this place had been a foolish error.
"I can't believe you tried to hide it," said Xerneas. "Did you think nobody would realise that you weren't a real mew?"
The calmness of their voice did not comfort me, but only contrasted with their counterpart's bluster, seeming not so much gentle as disappointed.
"Maybe he believed it himself!" taunted Yveltal, laughing derisively at the idea that I may have been sincere in my application to Divine College. That I might have felt worthy, when I so clearly was not.
I narrowed my eyes and tried to look up and make eye contact, to defy these would-be deities, to explain with conviction all the ways they were wrong. All I could manage was to take a trembling breath and telepathically mutter, "You are mistaken," with so little firmness that I doubted if I even believed it myself.
"You are the mistake, you fake," retorted Yveltal, instantly. "A thing like you can only make mistakes, since making you was a mistake to begin with. I bet the first thing you ever did was a mistake."
"What was your first action in this world?" asked Xerneas, inclining their antlers towards me as if they were genuinely curious, and not just looking for a new way to hurt me.
I could not answer. How could I admit what I had done in my first conscious moments? It would only prove them right. And nobody had ever taught me how to lie.
Yveltal scoffed, and preened their feathers scornfully. "He's hiding something else. He clearly hasn't learned from his mistakes!"
Xerneas nodded, as if this was the most reasonable and evident thing in the world. "Perhaps you should make sure you don't compound this further," they said, speaking softly. "It's not too late to go back... wherever it is you come from."
Where I came from. Did I really come from anywhere? No place was my own, no place was my home. I came from a laboratory, I came from a test tube. And when I came out of the tube, I destroyed everything around me. I didn't even have a name for my birthplace before I obliterated it from the face of the earth.
"Yeah, then you and your dirty secrets can be someone else's problem," sneered Yveltal. "You can't even answer what should be a simple question, so the answer must be something shameful. A real Legend wouldn't have anything to hide, so go hide someplace else, fake."
I still couldn't answer, but I couldn't pull my mind away from the memory, either. I remembered raising my arm to detonate every machine in sight. Humans, fleeing and crying out. Flames, of my own creation, though I did not yet know that fire could burn. A pain in my chest. A pressure in my eyes. Anguish. This cannot be my destiny.
I had let myself believe my destiny might lie here, that I might learn the responsibilities of a Legend. But how could my life be so destined, when it began with murder?
"What? Do you still think you can be a Legend? You just weren't made to be one, fake."
I clenched my paws, groaning with resentful frustration. Enough. Psychic light burst from my eyes, shifting the world's hues towards bluer spectra, making everything look colder in my sight. Colder, and harder, sharper, hostile to me.
My arm swept up before me as if it were commanding me in anger, and not myself commanding my limbs.
"Behold my powers," I demanded, with the same pained fury from all those years ago, as Yveltal's expression began to falter. "I am the strongest pokémon in the world."
I really hadn't learned from my mistakes, had I?
Part Seven
Regigigas couldn't get moving because of its Slow Start!
How foolish was I? It'd been so long since I'd battled that I forgot, it takes me five minutes to really get going. Five minutes I absolutely could not spare, with a fight for my honor, a fight for being the strongest Pokemon in the world.
I would try, though. I wouldn't be defeated so easily.
I focused on the energy of my creations. Regirock, Regice, Registeel, Regidrago, and Regieleki. Rock, Ice Steel, Dragon, Electric, and Normal for myself. I would win this yet, I was hextuple-typed now.
What I'd forgotten, though, was that I just made myself sixteen times weak to Fighting.
With a single Close Combat from the human's Staraptor, I was sent flying, before crashing into a rock wall. I was finished, in a single blow.
And just like that, it was over. My honor, gone. My title, revoked. All to a puny human, not even a Pokemon. How pathetic. How humiliating.
What was there left for me now? Perhaps I should Self-Destruct. Give myself an end of my own choosing, rather than tagging along with a puny human for the rest of my days.
But wait...it had been five minutes, hadn't it? My time as the strongest Pokemon might be up...but their time as being alive was also up.
I lurched over with my full strength, and tried to crush the trainer in my grip. No human would humiliate me, the Continent Puller, the strongest Pokemon in the world!
Part Eight
Processing… Processing…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Current course of action will lead to desired result.
Desired result: Stronger than human
RECALCULATING
Desired result: Strongest Pokémon
RECALCULATING
Desired result: WORLD DOMINATION
Processing…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Crush human = WORLD DOMINATION.
Commence crushing.
! ALERT
Update: Human commenced melting.
Inquiry: Humans capable of liquid form?
Conclusion: Only under extreme pressure.
Conclusion: Goal nearly achieved. User’s superior strength recognized. WORLD DOMINATION IMMINENT
! ALERT
Update: Human now in viscous state.
Update: Continues to struggle.
Sensation: Gooey.
Processing…
Calculating…
Conclusion: GROSS.
Conclusion: CRUSH HARDER.
Update: Gooey human is maximizing size.
Update: Gooey human is reverting to solid state.
! ALERT
Gooey human is no longer gooey.
Gooey human is no longer human.
! ALERT ! ALERT ! ALERT
Former human has taken new form.
New form: Regigigas.
Processing…
Calculating…
Conclusion: User’s form: Regigigas.
Enemy form: Regigigas.
:ERROR: :ERROR: :ERROR:
RECALCULATING…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Only one Regigigas exists.
Calculation: Enemy Impostor
Conclusion: Enemy threat level advanced to Critical.
Calculation: User goal at risk.
User goal: WORLD DOMINATION
Conclusion: EXTERMINATE FOE
Initiating Battle Cry Sequence…
Battle Cry Initiated.
“EGEGEGEGEUNUNUNUNUNBEBEBEWUBUBUBUBEEEEBEEEGGGG?!”
Awaiting response…
Enemy response received.
Enemy response: “EGEGEGEGEUNUNUNUNUNBEBEBEWUBUBUBUBEEEEBEEEGGGG?!”
:ERROR: :ERROR: :ERROR:
Translation: PERSONAL INSULT
Conclusion: EXTERMINATION DESERVED
COMMENCE EXTERMINATION
:ERROR:
Ability Slow Start: Activated
Enemy Ability: Activated
Observation: Enemy Ability: Slow Start
Calculation: Movement inhibited for 30 minutes
Conclusion: LAME
Calculation: Move faster than opponent
Conclusion: VICTORY
Conclusion: WORLD DOMINATION IMMINENT
Commence Attack
! ALERT
! ENEMY ATTACK INCOMING
! IMPACT ABSORBED
! ALERT ! ALERT ! ALERT
Observation: Critical hit.
Pikashock.png
Conclusion: OWIE.
RECALCULATING:
Calculation complete. User goal adjusted. WORLD DOMINATION adapted to RUN AWAY.
UPDATE: Enemy reverting to viscous state.
UPDATE: Enemy size minimizing.
Observation: Enemy is now small, pink and gooey.
Observation: Gooey.
Processing…
Conclusion: GROSS.
Conclusion: COMMENCE RUN AWAY.
Movement activated.
Stamina decreasing.
Observation: RUN AWAY successful.
Conclusion: Nap imminent.
Part Nine
Observation: Curling up comfy.
Conclusion: Paw in circles, then plomp.
Miraidon turned in place several times, checking the ground for hiding Nymble, and then curled their body into a tightly efficient ball and closed their eyes with a contented purr. They drifted off dreaming of races and chin-scratches and pleasantly spinning wheels.
When they awoke, it was to drops of rain pattering on their snout, evaporating against their neck-lights. They looked up, tilting their head at the dark sky.
Observation: Rain.
Conclusion: Find better napping place.
They transformed, zooming away towards the mountains in the distance with a soft hum as their neck and tail became wheels. Soon rain was falling down in sheets, flickering in the lights of their body, running down their metallic skin in freezing rivulets. They gave a grunt of complaint towards the sky, but the distant roar of thunder provided no apology.
Observation: Rain bad.
Miraidon squinted towards the mountainside. A nook here, a cranny there. An overhang there. Perhaps...? They squeezed under a jutting rock, horns catching on the rough surface before they got them loose. They stood for a moment, pleased with themselves, before realizing the back half of their body was still bombarded by raindrops.
Observation: Overhang smaller than self.
Conclusion: Shelter inadequate.
Their horns caught on the rock again as they maneuvered back away, braced against the freezing rain, staring up and down the mountainside. Was that...?
Observation: Cave found.
With a pleased hum, Miraidon reactivated its wheels and made for the cave. Finally, a good spot for a nap.
Part Ten
It was a Cave of Dragonflies. Just kidding. There were Miraidon. Many Miraidon. Quite frankly, it was insulting for Miraidon to realize that it wasn't the only Miraidon in a cave. You see, caves are a sign of wealth in Miraidon culture, so it was really like the Sneetches. Or blue check marks. That's gonna age this fic like yeast and bacteria age wine and cheese. Is that how it works? Where was this going again? Oh right. The end. What is the end to a Bike of the Future? What's after the future? The future-future?
No. It's a cave filled with Miraidon.
"Moshi moshi, mothertrucker desu," Miraidon #1 sneered as they approached Miraidon.
"Don't you know?" Miraidon #2 cackled, flashing out xyr claws. "This cave ain't big enough for the 50004 of us... so make like... um... do Bad Eggs disappear... uh... just like get out."
"Never!" Miraidon snapped. "I'm so sick of being a Legendary! I'm so sick of having to partake in universal affairs! I just want a freaking nap!"
Miraidon #1 froze up. The anger in their expression faded, replaced by annoyance.
"Bruh, what universal affairs are you talking about? Dialga's the time Legendary. You're literally a bike."
Miraidon gasped. "Are you saying I'm not a Legendary?!?!"
"Bruh, what even is a Legendary? Is it a strong Pokémon? Then why is Chansey in Ubers? Is it their rarity? Look around this cave, and you'll see that everyone has a Legendary: hacking, trading, HOME, doesn't matter. Is it their role in the universe? What does Kubfu do to keep the balance of time and space?"
"Then what is a Legendary?"
"Well you see..."
And so Miraidon #1 told Miraidon what a Legendary is, whatever that is. And Miraidon knew. And you do not.
That is what separates a Legendary from a regular soul.
AbraPunk
BestLizard
Chibi Pika
Dragonfree
HelloYellow17
IFBench
ShiniGojira
Torchic
unrepentantAuthor
windskull
BestLizard
Chibi Pika
Dragonfree
HelloYellow17
IFBench
ShiniGojira
Torchic
unrepentantAuthor
windskull
Thanks to all of you for putting together a wonderfully wild and wacky corpse! I hope you'll enjoy revisiting this one, and I'm excited to see how our second legendary POV corpse went off the rails in what's sure to be an entirely different way!
Thousand Roads' Exquisite Corpse 2022
Legendary POV I
Legendary POV I
Xurkitree’s senses blur when he hits the ground. They feel many things - A wet substance coats his front, drops of water trickle onto his back, and a sharp pain runs through his leg. They wince as they drag themselves onto their knees and examine themselves. The mess on them is brown, much like the ground beneath it, made soggy by the falling water above them. What is this? Why is water falling? Vivid nature sprouts all around them and bends and sways in the howling wind. Unknown creature yell out all around them, numerous but unseen in the dark. That portal wasn’t a dream and they’re not in their world anymore.
Is the portal still around? They scramble but they fall back down and cover themselves in another layer of mud before they even reach the first tree. The pain in their leg makes them scream. They hold onto it, rubbing it. Once the piercing sensation eases, they drag themselves back up, hobbling in a random direction. The ground is uneven unlike the flat wastelands of their homeworld and they need to catch themselves on trees and hanging branches. Each step has them crunching and cracking something new underfoot. Wet leaves slather across their body and twigs scratch into the rubber. Their feet become coated in earth, uneasily grounding their electrical nature. Why has this happened to them?
After an hour of stumbling and limping in this miserable storm, they come across a clearing. Beasts are here, sheltering on the other side: a large brown one sitting by a couple of small, orange ones. A large leaf above them keeps them dry of the water. The smaller ones make some of the many cries the Xukitree has been hearing - whines of fear in this fierce storm. The parent has been silent up until one points to the ultra beast and wails.
Xurkitree withdraws behind a tree but the large Pokemon raises its head and sniffs them out. It gets on his hind legs and walks into the middle of the clearing. It’s height and bulk are intimidating and a bright yellow ring glowing on their chest stands out in the darkness. It growls. The Ultra Beast stays frozen.
It charges. In their panic, a fierce, white bolt of lightning strikes the stampeding Pokemon. The forest, its canopy, and the sky light up in a moment of blinding light. The ground shakes from the ferocity of the thunder. Cries flare up as unseen Pokemon flee from the lightning. The charging beast falls on its belly, burnt in numerous spots with smoke rising off its skin, sizzling in the rain. Its cubs cry and run away.
The bear doesn’t get up, not even after minutes of Xurkitree staring at it in silence. Eventually they get out and limp up to it. They poke its warm fur. Nothing. They nudge its shoulder - it doesn’t move. Was it even attacking them?
They hear the sound of new creatures coming from the trees. These sounds stand out because they understood it. “It should be past here,” one of them says.
Cones of bright light filters past the trees and bushes in the direction of the sound. Xurkitree lowers their body behind the dead bear. “Think that had anything to do with Yvetal?”
“Yvetal couldn’t have done that, no. Whatever it was is probably just as much a danger.”
“I really don’t think this is a good idea…”
“No, we’re investigating. We have a job to do. Stay alert.”
Freakier Aliens pass into the clearing. No fur, just patches of loose-hanging different coloured skin, save for on their faces. They hold a small cylinder that shines a beam of light, a move unlike any Xurkitree has seen. Each point their lights to them, overwhelming their visual senses.
“An Ultra Beast?”
“Yes. Take it out!”
Another flash of light, and a new monster appears where none was before. It’s made of grey chipped rock and a horn sticks out at the end of its muzzle. “Bulldoze, Rhydon!” its trainer shouts. This new monster rushes towards them with a howl, the ground shaking with its steps
Xurkitree shouts loud with its cry resembling the hollow ring of a steel cable being struck. Another bolt shoots from above. It absorbs the full blast and stands tall as if not a single joule of energy has flowed through its body. The intense light and deafening boom, however, causes it to stop in its tracks and hold its head. The humans behind it hold their arms over their eyes, or against their ears, and wobble around disoriented.
“Everyone okay?” one shouts.
“What was that?” shouts another one. Soon more murmur, and others shout over each other, unable to hear each other with their ringing ears.
Xurkitree examines the teetering creatures and realizes they can escape. They flee in the opposite direction, ignoring the agony infecting their limb. “Rhydon, chase it down. Use Earthquake when you can!” is heard not far behind them. They keep flying past trees bending over the now more-intense wind. The rain slathers everything, having picked up. Not much further, their leg gives up and they collapse onto the banks of a narrow, rocky river. They force their leg to move but it throws a tantrum with a livid ache. The roar of the Rhydon rings out behind them. They grab the larger rocks of the stream and pulls themself downstream, howling in agony. Its body begs them to stop, but the thoughts of seeing home one last time keep them moving. They can’t end here.
The Ryhdon steps out the bushes and approaches the edge of the river. Xurkitree tries one more time to fry it with a thunderbolt. Although it still stuns its senses, it stays unharmed enough to raise a foot and stamp the ground. The earth shakes, snapping the strained trees and tossing rocks and water of the stream around. Xurkitre tumbles and bruises. The electrical lifeblood fades and they’re left panting and vision blurry. They grab another rock, but they’re too weak to pull themselves further. The ground-type’s loud stomps announce its approach. They can’t channel any more electricity. This is it.
They turn their head to face the monster for when robs them of life or freedom. It stands above, snarl on its face and its eyes cold and serious. It raises a foot once more time before the sound of gigantic wings flapping distract it. The faint shadow of a giant bird pulsing a dim red glow perches on the bank beside it. The ground-type lets out a shout that’s interrupted immediately by a beam of red energy consuming it. Everything around the stream basks in the sickly dark light. Xurkitree finds their vision sharpening while the pain in their leg dwindle and strength returns to them. They stare dumbstruck until the ray evaporates, leaving the Ryhdon’s many shades paler. It collapses.
The monstrous bird turns its beak towards them. Xurkitree crawls backwards, holding an arm up in front of them. The ends of its hands begin to spark.
“Stop. I’m here to help you,” The giant says. It steps towards him, wading its talons into the rushing waters.
They stop, but they keep an arm in front of their head, anxiously peering past it. They tremble while the bird continues to speak. “Those humans hunt down legendaries they consider undesirable. They were looking for me. It’s unfortunate you were pulled here. Come join me, I’ll keep you safe and help find your way home,” Yvetal says, offering a mighty wing to the muddy and bruised Xurkitree. Meanwhile, the flashlights of the humans hunting them peak through the trees around them and close in.
BestLizard
Part Two
"We must hurry," Yveltal said, glancing towards the direction of the lights with a grimace. They didn't have much time. "Come, we'll take to the skies."
Xurkitree shivered as the sound of footsteps and voices drew nearer, they winced, draping an arm over to Yveltal and climbing onto the mighty bird.
A light flashed onto them, exposing their location as one of the humans shouted, "There he is!"
The human's voice sent chills down Yveltal's spine, something about it reminded him terribly of her. No… it can't be…
Noticing the sudden movement, Xurkitree asked, their voice trembling a bit. "What's wrong?"
Yveltal froze for a moment and Xurkitree thought they had seen the mighty legendary turned an ashen white. "It's nothing," Yveltal finally said, forcing himself to calm down with heavy breaths.
Yveltal glanced at the arriving humans with a grimace. Arceus. Did she find me?
Was she amongst the humans?
… No, she couldn't be. She wasn't that desperate… no, Yveltal was probably imagining it. There was no way she'd even know where he was.
Yveltal shook his head, beating his wings and taking to the night sky.
The cool breeze of the night brought a strange sense of relief to Xurkitree. They glanced around, taking in the sight around them. Small dots of light littered the sky, not unlike the ones in their home world but there was a strange yet relaxing feel about the sight.
The stars alone were already quite endearing but adding in the full moon gleaming down on them, the soft brushes of the trees below and the mountains before them. Xurkitree couldn't believe how such a discordant place could possibly hold onto this harmonic cadence.
"Are you feeling well?" Yveltal said with a barely-noticeable stutter.
"I'm… doing fine," answered Xurkitree although it was still quite cumbersome to move its limbs for more than a couple seconds. "It is truly a surprise that you, Bringer of Destruction, had come to rescue me. Thank you. I couldn't imagine what they'd do to me if I were contained there any longer."
"Well, I was just doing what's right. Any other legend would've helped you if they'd wanted to." Yveltal grimaced with a sigh. "And please, call me Yveltal. My title brings too many… connotations to mind and I despise the hatred and fear it inspires."
Xurkitree balked, staring at Yveltal in disbelief. "You're… unlike the many stories my fellow brethrens spoke of."
Yveltal let out an annoyed sigh. "Well, you can blame that Xerneas bitch for giving me such displeasure… you'd think breaking up with them would be good for you but–" He cut himself off when he remembered he had a passenger on board. "So, what is Ultra Space like?"
Xurkitree didn't respond with anything but a gulp. Confused with the response, Yveltal said, "Xurkitree? Something's caught in your wires, bud?"
"Xurkit–"
Yveltal could feel Xurkitree's body shaking against his back as they lifted an arm, pointing at something in the distance.
"Wh-what is that?"
Yveltal turned and felt his heart sink as two giant eyes stared at them with a hungry look. Almost immediately, Yveltal knew what it was.
"G-Giratina!"
Located in a realm beyond space and time was a small building, if you could even call it a building that is as it only had one room, barely big enough for an adult person to live comfortably in. The room was messy, almost as if no one had cared enough to clean it as there was trash littered everywhere. You could barely walk around without stepping on a crushed can or an empty potato chips bag. Above the messy bed was a red light bulb which was currently flashing and blaring out an obnoxious 'Beep!' every so often.
Across the bed, a small Pokémon was hovering above a chair, its eyes fixed on the monitor in front of it. Its telekinetic powers pressed down on the keyboard and after a moment, the Celebi grinned, wearing a pair of headphones modified for its tiny head.
"Haha! Gamer Celebi's done it once again!" it chirped, shouting into the microphone. "That's what you get for camping! Next time, acquire some skills, kid! You got nothing on this, you little bi–"
Almost like a curse had been lifted, Gamer Celebi blinked, the flashing red catching its attention. "What the?" It turned around, a nervous grimace appearing on its face. "Oh boy. Oh crap…craaaap. I forgot… about… craaaap… Dialga's gonna be so mad…"
It chuckled nervously at the thought of the dragon coming down, lecturing it and putting it on a time-out from its games. Gulping down its fears, it opened up a portal. "Let's hope I'm not too late."
Giratina.
Xurkitree knew of that name. Many of their home's inhabitants knew that Pokémon.
The god of antimatter. One of the three Pillars. One of the Creation Gods.
The name alone planted Xurkitree down, their arms wrapping around Yveltal's body in terror.
Noticing his passenger's sudden motion, Yveltal instructed in a calm voice, "Don't move. Don't make a sound. Don't do anything that might provoke it. Giratina is only here because it sensed a foreign being, if you present yourself friendly, you'll be–"
"GROOAARR!!" Giratina let loose a bone-shattering screech, its glowing eyes giving off a low hum. Rearing back, a big blue energy ball formed in front of its worm-like body and it fired.
"Shit! Hold on!" Yveltal said, twisting his body to dodge the approaching Focus Blast.
Xurkitree obeyed without skipping a beat, tightening their grip as Yveltal swerved and dodged Giratina's attacks.
Knowing that they'd no choice but to fight back, Yveltal ascended higher into the sky before diving back down with a wing glowing black. He struck Giratina with an Oblivion Wing with the dragon staggering back with a low grunt. Giratina, however, didn't seem to like the hit as it let loose another Roar.
Grimacing at the lack of results, Yveltal fired back with a stream of Shadow Balls and a constant bout of Oblivion Wings.
The attacks connected, exploding in a cloud of smoke. But from the looks of things, Giratina didn't seem to be affected much as two glowing eyes stared back. Sweat dripped down Yveltal's head, the sheer pressure of the dragon before him was weighing him down.
A sudden shout tore Yveltal's away from the dragon, as he now realised the lack of weight on his back. "Yveltal, help!"
Xurkitree was plummeting towards their death! "Shit!" he cursed as Giratina dived straight for the falling Ultra Beast. Following suit, he overtook the dragon, his wings beating as fast as they could.
Shit. At this rate, Yveltal wouldn't be able to make it and with how injured Xurkitree had been, they'll…
No, he had to do this. He needed to save another kindred soul… or at least, keep them safe from that monster.
With his sudden conviction and a new burst of speed, he was actually making it. Closer and closer! He could actually save them, save– No! No! Giratina! It–
The world around Yveltal faded into a dull gray as a low hum reverberated through the cold night. A blue portal opened up in front of Yveltal as a small green creature wearing a pair of human headphones(?) appeared.
A Celebi?
The Celebi extended an arm. "Come with me if you want to live!"
Yveltal glanced at the Celebi and the portal behind it, wary of the tiny mythical.
"Come on! I don't have all time! Giratina's gonna break out soon!" shouted the Celebi, waving its arms frantically.
Yveltal glanced back at Giratina and indeed, he could see small movement coming from the dragon despite the suspected time freeze. Wasting no time, he grabbed the frozen Xurkitree and charged into the portal, ignoring the Celebi's surprised cry.
Yveltal and Xurkitree came tumbling out of the portal before being forced into a halt as a gray aura took hold of them.
"Phew, that was a close one," Celebi said, the portal closing up behind it. "We were almost cooked but as always, the greatest gamer throughout the entirety of time had just made out with a win." Celebi turned back to the Pokémon it saved before striking a V-pose. "Hehe, GC just saved yo butts so now it's time for you to–Hey, don't touch that! That monitor's worth more than anything you'd ever buy!"
Yveltal stared at GC, raising a brow at its eccentricity. "Where are we?"
"My realm! It's got like the greatest signal in all of the known universe, high-speed connection through all time, baby!" GC paused, poking its chin with a finger. "Well, and erm, don't tell Dialga. But I was actually supposed to get you a–um… couple months earlier… so… heh heh…" It chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of its head.
Yveltal took a moment to digest the eccentric mon's words. "What do you mean 'a couple months earlier'? He glared at GC who wilted and shrank away from the legendary.
"Well… the world's in danger… or well, it will be," GC said. "Time travel's a bit messy to wrap your heads around so I'll be brief. Some time in the future, every life on our planet and our universe's part of Ultra Space will be exterminated by an unknown force. The only information we have is that apparently Xerneas played a part in it so–"
The feathers on his back raised as he snarled. Xerneas? What did that bitch do? Ending all life? Not even he wanted something like that.
… oh no, oh fuck. She couldn't be… No, Yveltal was going to stop her. He wasn't going to let her enslave the world.
Yveltal gazed at GC. "What do I need to do?"
"Hmm? Oh, well… I don't know. That Xurkitree wasn't supposed to be here for this but–" GC shrugged. "–You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess."
Unfreezing the Xurkitree, Gamer Celebi created a portal and pointed at it. "Alright! Yveltal, Xurkitree! The fate of the world is resting on your shoulders, find Xerneas, figure out why and how she was responsible for the extermination of all life and if possible, try and stop her!"
ShiniGojira
Part Three
Yveltal grunted noncommittally, while I saluted Celebi. She was one of the only living, sane gods left; we would absolutely not fail her.
"C'mon, big bird, let's go!" I nudged Yveltal and turned to walk out towards the wastelands.
"We don't even know where Xerneas is, imbecile." Yveltal growled at me.
I stopped, the electricity in my system faltering briefly. "O-Oh, heheh, you're right. Wait, aren't you guys, like, linked or whatever? Don't you know where she is at all times, or is that not a thing anymore?"
"...That ability has become limited since the apocalypse. However, since my divine powers were stolen from me, I suppose I would be of little concern to Xerneas if I were near. And… you, well, you're one of the Apocalypse Beasts. Xerneas would surely know of your existence."
My lights dimmed slightly at the mention of the weirdo group I used to belong to. The humans had called us 'Ultra Beasts', but it turns out we were fated to bring about the end of the world. Xerneas didn't do shit. But now I was the only one left, since humans had thought every different species of Beast had multiple members. Nope. Only one of each. I was the only one who'd refused to take part in killing all the humans and regular Pokémon on earth, so… I guess that was how I survived.
"Yeah, I guess that's true. So, like, what are we supposed to do?"
Yveltal's eyes glinted, a steely gaze I hadn't seen in them since before we killed Solgaleo for trying to bring the sun down on the planet.
"We go, regardless of the danger. If we succeed in killing my counterpart, then there may be some semblance of order brought to those remaining gods. If we fail, then… what remains of the world will soon follow."
Yveltal gestured for me to hop on, and I did. We soon took flight through the air, surveying landscapes from on high.
Only when the sun had set, and my electricity was the only light we had, did we find Xerneas' location.
It was little more than a brief glint on the surface at first. As we drew closer, it shimmered like a desert mirage and revealed a grand palace of crystal.
"Well, shit, you think that's it?" I jokingly asked Yveltal.
His only response was "Yes." before he dove at a nearly 90-degree angle, forcing me to bury my wires in his mane so that I didn't fall off.
He righted himself and flew straight through a crystal window, which gave me a cool face-full of gem shards. Super awesome.
He rolled to a stop, unfortunately crushing me under his weight and also forcing me to let go of him.
Once we were both up, we looked around to see that we had found ourselves in a massive hallway, comprised entirely of sparkling blue crystals.
"Well, points for creativity, I guess." I mumbled as I tried to straighten out some of my wires that had gotten tangled in the rough landing.
Yveltal wasted no time in moving towards the massive double-door at the end of the hallway.
"Oop, nevermind, no points for creativity. Three guesses as to what's behind that door." I continued to quip as I finally straightened out my wires and hopped up alongside Yveltal.
He smacked me upside the head with a massive wing, and snarled, "Silence! Beyond these doors awaits Xerneas herself, and we must be sure that we are sufficiently composed for this fight."
I shrugged as best as I could without having any real shoulders, and mumbled, "Yeah, yeah, okay. No more jokes, I guess."
Yveltal shoved open the double-doors, and… yeah, that was Xerneas on the other side, standing in front of a throne. No surprise what it was made of.
"Traitors. Why dost thou invade mine palace?" She said in a booming voice that demanded respect.
Unfortunately for her, I had no respect left to give, especially not with that ridiculous manner of speech. I cried out in my best theatrical voice, "Oh, deepest apologies, your majesty! Such a capital crime we are committing by trespassing on thy property! Surely we should be put to death--"
Yveltal hissed, "We come to slay you!" and flung himself towards Xerneas.
Welp, shit. Now it was officially a fight between a grumpy-ass Yveltal; me, the most kick-ass Xurkitree ever; and some delusional-ass Xerneas. Fun.
AbraPunk
Part Four
I raised my tail overhead, electricity dancing between the prongs as I took aim at Yveltal and fired a zap cannon. She rolled in midair, diving beneath it as she made for Xerneas. Her tail ribboned behind her, glowing deep red. Then, seconds before impact, she broke her dive, wings spreading wide as she rained down a dark red beam.
Xerneas leaped away, but the ground broke beneath him, torn asunder by the beam. He struggled to keep his balance.
Which was just the opening I needed. I fired another electrical orb, which exploded against his side and sent him stumbling. He screamed, antlers flickering with light as his own moonblast sailed wide
If I had a mouth, I’d smirk. That wouldn’t keep Xerneas down, but it would incapacitate him for a while. Which gave me time to deal with the bird.
Speaking of which, where was Yveltal? I’d totally lost sight of her in the heat of the moment. Surely there was nowhere for a ‘mon of her size to hide?
Then ghostly force and a heavy weight slammed into me from behind, sending me pinwheeling across the ground. It would be funny if it happened to anyone other than me. But now I’m just pissed.
Climbing back to my feet, I quickly brushed as much dirt and grass as I could–I had to look my best, after all. Then I raised my noodly arms, letting sparks dance between them as I stared her down. “Oh, you wanna go, brat? You wanna go?”
Annoying as it may be, I had to admit that the fight was exhilarating. It would be a shame if I forgot about my epic battle against Xerneas and Yveltal. Who am I kidding; how could I ever forget something like this?
Windskull
Part Five
I rushed through my morning routine as quickly as I could, which didn't take very long since I’m a Pokémon and Pokémon don’t wear clothes. Just a quick shower followed by brushing my fur and shoving my books into my backpack. Toast popped out of the toaster and I caught it in my mouth before flying out the door. No time to lose!
As I flew down the street, munching my breakfast, my thoughts wouldn’t stop circling the upcoming battle. What form would be best? Something that could take Xerneas and Yveltal at the same time… Maybe a steel-type? Or an electric-type? Being a Magnezone was hardly going to win me any coolness points here, though. I needed something with a little more wow factor. Something dazzling, y’know?
Well, there’d be plenty of time to figure it out on the school bus.
Wait… school bus? I didn’t attend school. I was a Legendary Pokémon. Had I ever attended school?
While I was puzzling over that question, the bus arrived, and I put my worries out of my mind in favor of thinking about the totally awesome battle I was about to have once I arrived at school. I could hardly stop bouncing up and down in my seat!
The instant the bus came to a stop and the door opened, I zoomed out and made a straight shot right for the most important building—that’s right, the gym. I hi-fived a couple of Pokémon who had been chatting by the entrance when they heard me coming and looked up with starry eyes. Heh, I guess they must have heard about my battle. Oh, who was I kidding, who wouldn’t have heard about it?
The gym seating was packed. So many legends I’d never seen before! Was that Solgaleo and Lunala in the back row? And they were here to watch my battle! Which meant it was time to show off what form I’d be taking…
I stepped out onto the battlefield on four legs tipped with iron claws. My long, shiny mane swirled dramatically at my side. And, most importantly, I was holding a huge kickass sword in my jaws! I was Zacian now! Let’s see those two take me on like this!
On the other end of the gym, Xerneas glanced at Yveltal and whispered something that I couldn’t hear. Then a buzzer sounded, and the battle was on!
Yveltal launched into the air while the gym floor around Xerneas shone with a rainbow light. Geomancy, huh? Then I’d just boost my own strength! I swung my sword around in a dazzling pattern, already feeling my power growing. I felt like I could cut a mountain in half!
Yveltal dove right at me, wings trailing a dark aura, but I just leaped aside and slammed the sword into their back. The blade felt lighter than air to me even though the impact smashed Yveltal into the floor. But then, a glint of light behind me! I cleverly raised a Protect shield at the last minute and the multicolored light spilled out around it. Then I dashed forward and landed another sword strike! Xerneas flew backward into the wall.
The legends in the stands cheered! Yes! This was already going great!
And then something struck my back. I turned just in time to see Yveltal bearing down on me, right before a dark beam fired from its wing, draining my energy. I staggered backward, gritting my teeth. Nothing I couldn’t handle.
I straightened myself and adjusted my grip on my sword… and then suddenly realized that it was gone. What? I hadn’t dropped it, had I? I glanced around hurriedly and couldn’t help feeling like I was… smaller than I had been. Had I lost my grip on the Transform? Well, that was a real downer, but I could probably still beat them!
The stands had gone quiet. What was the problem? Even if I wasn’t Zacian anymore, they were acting like they’d never seen a Mew before.
I looked down at my body, expecting to see the familiar pink fur, but all there was was… slime? Slime?!
The crowd booed, and I shrank backwards. I tried to raise my paws but they were gone, melted into little nubs. What was happening?
A dream! Of course, I was dreaming, that had to be it! Why else would this battle be happening in a school gym? Had to wake up, had to wake up!
I tried slapping my cheek, but I only got the wet slap of blob against blob.
“A Ditto?” Xerneas said haughtily. “Have you been pretending to be Mew this whole time?”
“N-no, I can explain!” I cried.
“It’s too late,” Yveltal bellowed, bearing down on me while Xerneas shook their head sadly, “now everyone in school knows your secret, you fake legend, you.”
Chibi Pika
Part Six
I dipped my head, unable to meet Yveltal's gaze, and stared at my paws as if I could find some sympathy there, at least. Instead, all I found was yet another reminder of how I did not – could not, would not – ever fit in among these gods and angels. The bulbous pads at the tips of my fingers, the thin lavender fur on my skin... How clear it seemed now that coming to this place had been a foolish error.
"I can't believe you tried to hide it," said Xerneas. "Did you think nobody would realise that you weren't a real mew?"
The calmness of their voice did not comfort me, but only contrasted with their counterpart's bluster, seeming not so much gentle as disappointed.
"Maybe he believed it himself!" taunted Yveltal, laughing derisively at the idea that I may have been sincere in my application to Divine College. That I might have felt worthy, when I so clearly was not.
I narrowed my eyes and tried to look up and make eye contact, to defy these would-be deities, to explain with conviction all the ways they were wrong. All I could manage was to take a trembling breath and telepathically mutter, "You are mistaken," with so little firmness that I doubted if I even believed it myself.
"You are the mistake, you fake," retorted Yveltal, instantly. "A thing like you can only make mistakes, since making you was a mistake to begin with. I bet the first thing you ever did was a mistake."
"What was your first action in this world?" asked Xerneas, inclining their antlers towards me as if they were genuinely curious, and not just looking for a new way to hurt me.
I could not answer. How could I admit what I had done in my first conscious moments? It would only prove them right. And nobody had ever taught me how to lie.
Yveltal scoffed, and preened their feathers scornfully. "He's hiding something else. He clearly hasn't learned from his mistakes!"
Xerneas nodded, as if this was the most reasonable and evident thing in the world. "Perhaps you should make sure you don't compound this further," they said, speaking softly. "It's not too late to go back... wherever it is you come from."
Where I came from. Did I really come from anywhere? No place was my own, no place was my home. I came from a laboratory, I came from a test tube. And when I came out of the tube, I destroyed everything around me. I didn't even have a name for my birthplace before I obliterated it from the face of the earth.
"Yeah, then you and your dirty secrets can be someone else's problem," sneered Yveltal. "You can't even answer what should be a simple question, so the answer must be something shameful. A real Legend wouldn't have anything to hide, so go hide someplace else, fake."
I still couldn't answer, but I couldn't pull my mind away from the memory, either. I remembered raising my arm to detonate every machine in sight. Humans, fleeing and crying out. Flames, of my own creation, though I did not yet know that fire could burn. A pain in my chest. A pressure in my eyes. Anguish. This cannot be my destiny.
I had let myself believe my destiny might lie here, that I might learn the responsibilities of a Legend. But how could my life be so destined, when it began with murder?
"What? Do you still think you can be a Legend? You just weren't made to be one, fake."
I clenched my paws, groaning with resentful frustration. Enough. Psychic light burst from my eyes, shifting the world's hues towards bluer spectra, making everything look colder in my sight. Colder, and harder, sharper, hostile to me.
My arm swept up before me as if it were commanding me in anger, and not myself commanding my limbs.
"Behold my powers," I demanded, with the same pained fury from all those years ago, as Yveltal's expression began to falter. "I am the strongest pokémon in the world."
I really hadn't learned from my mistakes, had I?
unrepentantAuthor
Part Seven
Regigigas couldn't get moving because of its Slow Start!
How foolish was I? It'd been so long since I'd battled that I forgot, it takes me five minutes to really get going. Five minutes I absolutely could not spare, with a fight for my honor, a fight for being the strongest Pokemon in the world.
I would try, though. I wouldn't be defeated so easily.
I focused on the energy of my creations. Regirock, Regice, Registeel, Regidrago, and Regieleki. Rock, Ice Steel, Dragon, Electric, and Normal for myself. I would win this yet, I was hextuple-typed now.
What I'd forgotten, though, was that I just made myself sixteen times weak to Fighting.
With a single Close Combat from the human's Staraptor, I was sent flying, before crashing into a rock wall. I was finished, in a single blow.
And just like that, it was over. My honor, gone. My title, revoked. All to a puny human, not even a Pokemon. How pathetic. How humiliating.
What was there left for me now? Perhaps I should Self-Destruct. Give myself an end of my own choosing, rather than tagging along with a puny human for the rest of my days.
But wait...it had been five minutes, hadn't it? My time as the strongest Pokemon might be up...but their time as being alive was also up.
I lurched over with my full strength, and tried to crush the trainer in my grip. No human would humiliate me, the Continent Puller, the strongest Pokemon in the world!
IFBench
Part Eight
Processing… Processing…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Current course of action will lead to desired result.
Desired result: Stronger than human
RECALCULATING
Desired result: Strongest Pokémon
RECALCULATING
Desired result: WORLD DOMINATION
Processing…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Crush human = WORLD DOMINATION.
Commence crushing.
! ALERT
Update: Human commenced melting.
Inquiry: Humans capable of liquid form?
Conclusion: Only under extreme pressure.
Conclusion: Goal nearly achieved. User’s superior strength recognized. WORLD DOMINATION IMMINENT
! ALERT
Update: Human now in viscous state.
Update: Continues to struggle.
Sensation: Gooey.
Processing…
Calculating…
Conclusion: GROSS.
Conclusion: CRUSH HARDER.
Update: Gooey human is maximizing size.
Update: Gooey human is reverting to solid state.
! ALERT
Gooey human is no longer gooey.
Gooey human is no longer human.
! ALERT ! ALERT ! ALERT
Former human has taken new form.
New form: Regigigas.
Processing…
Calculating…
Conclusion: User’s form: Regigigas.
Enemy form: Regigigas.
:ERROR: :ERROR: :ERROR:
RECALCULATING…
Calculation complete.
Conclusion: Only one Regigigas exists.
Calculation: Enemy Impostor
Conclusion: Enemy threat level advanced to Critical.
Calculation: User goal at risk.
User goal: WORLD DOMINATION
Conclusion: EXTERMINATE FOE
Initiating Battle Cry Sequence…
Battle Cry Initiated.
“EGEGEGEGEUNUNUNUNUNBEBEBEWUBUBUBUBEEEEBEEEGGGG?!”
Awaiting response…
Enemy response received.
Enemy response: “EGEGEGEGEUNUNUNUNUNBEBEBEWUBUBUBUBEEEEBEEEGGGG?!”
:ERROR: :ERROR: :ERROR:
Translation: PERSONAL INSULT
Conclusion: EXTERMINATION DESERVED
COMMENCE EXTERMINATION
:ERROR:
Ability Slow Start: Activated
Enemy Ability: Activated
Observation: Enemy Ability: Slow Start
Calculation: Movement inhibited for 30 minutes
Conclusion: LAME
Calculation: Move faster than opponent
Conclusion: VICTORY
Conclusion: WORLD DOMINATION IMMINENT
Commence Attack
! ALERT
! ENEMY ATTACK INCOMING
! IMPACT ABSORBED
! ALERT ! ALERT ! ALERT
Observation: Critical hit.
Pikashock.png
Conclusion: OWIE.
RECALCULATING:
Calculation complete. User goal adjusted. WORLD DOMINATION adapted to RUN AWAY.
UPDATE: Enemy reverting to viscous state.
UPDATE: Enemy size minimizing.
Observation: Enemy is now small, pink and gooey.
Observation: Gooey.
Processing…
Conclusion: GROSS.
Conclusion: COMMENCE RUN AWAY.
Movement activated.
Stamina decreasing.
Observation: RUN AWAY successful.
Conclusion: Nap imminent.
HelloYellow17
Part Nine
Observation: Curling up comfy.
Conclusion: Paw in circles, then plomp.
Miraidon turned in place several times, checking the ground for hiding Nymble, and then curled their body into a tightly efficient ball and closed their eyes with a contented purr. They drifted off dreaming of races and chin-scratches and pleasantly spinning wheels.
When they awoke, it was to drops of rain pattering on their snout, evaporating against their neck-lights. They looked up, tilting their head at the dark sky.
Observation: Rain.
Conclusion: Find better napping place.
They transformed, zooming away towards the mountains in the distance with a soft hum as their neck and tail became wheels. Soon rain was falling down in sheets, flickering in the lights of their body, running down their metallic skin in freezing rivulets. They gave a grunt of complaint towards the sky, but the distant roar of thunder provided no apology.
Observation: Rain bad.
Miraidon squinted towards the mountainside. A nook here, a cranny there. An overhang there. Perhaps...? They squeezed under a jutting rock, horns catching on the rough surface before they got them loose. They stood for a moment, pleased with themselves, before realizing the back half of their body was still bombarded by raindrops.
Observation: Overhang smaller than self.
Conclusion: Shelter inadequate.
Their horns caught on the rock again as they maneuvered back away, braced against the freezing rain, staring up and down the mountainside. Was that...?
Observation: Cave found.
With a pleased hum, Miraidon reactivated its wheels and made for the cave. Finally, a good spot for a nap.
Dragonfree
Part Ten
It was a Cave of Dragonflies. Just kidding. There were Miraidon. Many Miraidon. Quite frankly, it was insulting for Miraidon to realize that it wasn't the only Miraidon in a cave. You see, caves are a sign of wealth in Miraidon culture, so it was really like the Sneetches. Or blue check marks. That's gonna age this fic like yeast and bacteria age wine and cheese. Is that how it works? Where was this going again? Oh right. The end. What is the end to a Bike of the Future? What's after the future? The future-future?
No. It's a cave filled with Miraidon.
"Moshi moshi, mothertrucker desu," Miraidon #1 sneered as they approached Miraidon.
"Don't you know?" Miraidon #2 cackled, flashing out xyr claws. "This cave ain't big enough for the 50004 of us... so make like... um... do Bad Eggs disappear... uh... just like get out."
"Never!" Miraidon snapped. "I'm so sick of being a Legendary! I'm so sick of having to partake in universal affairs! I just want a freaking nap!"
Miraidon #1 froze up. The anger in their expression faded, replaced by annoyance.
"Bruh, what universal affairs are you talking about? Dialga's the time Legendary. You're literally a bike."
Miraidon gasped. "Are you saying I'm not a Legendary?!?!"
"Bruh, what even is a Legendary? Is it a strong Pokémon? Then why is Chansey in Ubers? Is it their rarity? Look around this cave, and you'll see that everyone has a Legendary: hacking, trading, HOME, doesn't matter. Is it their role in the universe? What does Kubfu do to keep the balance of time and space?"
"Then what is a Legendary?"
"Well you see..."
And so Miraidon #1 told Miraidon what a Legendary is, whatever that is. And Miraidon knew. And you do not.
That is what separates a Legendary from a regular soul.
Torchic