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Pokémon Change of Heart

Prologue: New Fife

DragonD

Happy eevee
Pronouns
He/him
Prologue

New Life

The warm sunlight bathed the meadow as the star began to rise on the horizon. Soft white clouds cutting out against the still dark sky as they waited for their celestial friend to join them in the heavenly vault. Their fluffy shapes being slowly colored over by the gentle light, painting the nimbuses with its orange shine, contrasting with the deep blue of the firmament behind.

Today was the day new life would finally arrive. The lush prairie was already covered by a delicate blanket of tiny pink flowers. Simple in their form, exuberant in their tones. Rosy magenta petals swinging in the air, shaken by the wind, yet not a single one was taken away from their floret. The field was so full of them it was impossible to spot a single glint of the ground under the blossoms.

And there was now something else in the valley, the same way it had been whenever this day had arrived. Larger flowers hidden under their smaller counterparts, sharing the same lively tones despite not having blossomed themselves. But they would soon. And that was the moment everyone, I included, were waiting for, the birth of a new generation.

But this time something was different. This time, not only us were in the field. For the first time since forever, we were not alone witnessing this event. But all of them were friendly eyes, otherwise, none would have been allowed even near our home in this precious moment. As the flowers were finally going to blossom under the sunlight.

Just like them, I felt the sun caressing my skin, and basked on it. Letting the light of day flow through me the same way it flowed through the flowers. And then it finally happened, I saw how their petals began to separate slowly, ever so slowly, as they took in the light themselves. But it was also radiating from inside of them, an intense green glow that was herald of the new life.

I turned to the flower closest to me, wanting to see its shine by myself, and hesitated. It glowed, it sure did, but its gleam was not green. I had never seen this happen with one of my species. And it took me a few seconds to finally be able to formulate the question that troubled my mind to those around me. A single word came out of my lips, but it resumed all my thoughts behind it.

“…Blue?”
 
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Chapter one: Good Morning!

DragonD

Happy eevee
Pronouns
He/him
Chapter one

Good morning!

The first thing I remember is the heat.

It started as a soft warm feeling in my body, I couldn't tell if it came from inside or outside, because it felt all the same. A gentle grasp embracing me in its bosom, where I rested, eyes closed, feeling completely at peace.

But it wouldn't last, and before long the temperature rose, I don't know when, I don't know why, but it did. A stab of what I can only describe as pain took my mind out of its slumber, and I tried to take in everything at once.

I felt the sun, I felt its light raining down the sky. I felt the ground under me, I felt its heat, how it emanated it, how it crashed in waves against my skin. It had suffered the inclemency of the sun much more than I had, and it was now giving it all back in resentment.

And I was in the middle of both, surrounded by them, not being able to move, not being able to open my eyes. I couldn't even think straight, I was just feeling, feeling the need to escape, to hide.

And then it was over, as suddenly as the temperature had risen, it once again became just warm, and I felt myself relaxing. My mind started to process the smaller things, those that I could not feel before. It was like my mind had been completely absorbed by a single, incredibly strong sensation, and now that it was gone, the other ones could start to come in.

I felt the wind, softly grazing my skin, just enough for me to notice. I felt the grass, brushing my sides despite most of it being squashed under my body. And I felt the sun, but it came over me in small patches of warmth rather than the full fury of the celestial body. I laid there a bit longer, trying to take in as much of it as possible. Before once again trying to open my eyes. And this time, they answered.

The world came into view with a flash. A whirlwind of colors, forms, and textures competing for my attention, it was too much, it hurt, but I didn't want to stop looking. I tried to focus on a single thing, only one, and cut out all the others that battered my senses.

Green, that was the color of the leaves in the tree I was now under. Hundreds of them in each branch, forming a coat that protected me from the sunshine, only small glimpses getting through it, appearing and disappearing in the ever-moving foliage. The leaves were fairly simple, but there were too many, and I felt as if my brain was overloading again, so I set my eyes on a lone leaf at the very tip of the branch. It felt like it was even more alive than the others, flicking wildly despite only being stroked by a gentle breeze.

And in the end, it came off, for a moment it stayed there like time had stopped, before getting caught by a gust of wind. It flew to my left, its shape cutting out against that of the trees behind, before slowly falling until it almost grazed the short pasture. But Before it did it got caught once again by the gale, and my eyes followed it as it glided through the air before getting lost behind something at my right, something I had not noticed until now.

It looked like a weasel, laying in the ground next to me, its head resting against the tree same as mine. But its body was weird, it had two tails to start with, and if that was not enough, their colors were also strange; soft cream in their tip, shifting suddenly into a lively orange as they melted with the rest of its body. Almost all of it shared that same tone, except for its belly, which was also cream.

My eyes went over the rest of the creature's frame, sleek, yet not exactly thin. Both his paws were crossed over its heart, slowly going up and down along with its chest, and their position gave me a perfect view of something even weirder than the two tails; Blue fins, stretching through most of its elbow, disappearing before reaching either wrist or shoulder. A weasel with fins, a sea weasel. And to seal the deal, it had a yellow collar around its neck, like a floater of sorts. As if the being felt me staring at it, it turned to meet my gaze.

…Blue.

A pair of eyes of the richest blue imaginable, a shade so deep I could drown in it. Yet it was not dark, the opposite, in them gleamed intense light, sparkling with the stars on the night sky. And even so, it was still the purest tone I had ever seen. I felt as if the entire ocean condensed into a single spot, it wouldn't be as blue as those eyes.

The creature stared back as if it was giving me the same thorough scrutiny I had first given it. "Do you feel better?" Asked the weasel.

The… weasel… asked.

The weasel had talked.

My surprise must have shown on my face because the creature laughed, it actually laughed. The voice sounded so young it was almost childish. "Sorry, sorry, it's just that you…" It raised a paw from its chest to point at me, "You are drooling."

It took me more than I would like to admit to understand what those words meant, before finally getting rid of the slobber with a swift movement, still looking at the strange animal in front of me.

It stared at me a little longer, before talking again. "Maybe you are drooling because you are hungry?" Not waiting for a response, it stood up and immediately began climbing the tree. It was laying just a second ago, and before I could react it was already halfway up, and quickly got to a nearby bough. Instead of crawling through it, the little animal stood on top of the branch, footing in both hind legs while spreading the front ones at each side to maintain balance. My eyes darted through the wooden surface, asking myself if it could handle the weasel's weight, and then I spotted what it was looking for.

Big red apples hanging in the tree, at the very same branch the creature was at, I watched how it ran through the bough at alarmingly high speed. I could almost imagine the little guy tripping and falling. Upon reaching the fruit, it then let one foot slide to the side, and I let out a shriek.

With a clear spin, the weasel ended up hanging down right beside the apples, holding onto the branch with its legs alone. The movement sent what felt like drops of water at me, small and light, they landed gently over my body like a morning dew, but the cold feeling was enough for me to close my eyes in response.

When I opened them again, I saw the creature staring at me, it cocked its head, still upside down "Something wrong?".

"I thought you were going to fall…" I realized those were the first words I had spoken, and to a weasel no less…

I took a deep breath. I was not talking with an animal, that was clear. So I'd better stop thinking about him as one, now, it wouldn't be fair to continue doing so. The sound of that voice was childish, very childish, but it sounded... masculine?

I was taken out of my thoughts when he laughed again, covering his eyes with one paw in a gesture that made me smile. "Don't worry, I already had my fill of falling off trees," He uncovered his eyes to glare at me again, still holding his paw next to them. The fins on his arms were of an intense blue, but compared to his eyes, they looked greyish.

The branch creaked under his weight, and he rolled his eyes in response, something fairly weird to see when who does it is upside down "Oh stop creaking you are not that old," He said, giving the dough a fake punch. And I couldn't help but laugh myself.

He glared at me when he heard my laughter, "Well, are you hungry or not?"

I tried to nod, before realizing that I was still laying on the ground. I tried to stand, helping me with my arms, but I couldn't, and even worse, it hurt my shoulders for some reason. I quickly laid back, feeling the pain subdue. And looked up to check on the weasel.

He was now holding one apple in his mouth while trying to detach the other with both hands. And he continued to do so, not noticing my gaze. The angle let me see two small cream-colored marks on the end of its back, so it was indeed a male.

…How in hell did I know that?

Dismissing the thought, I made an effort to turn around, it didn't cost me nearly as much effort as my previous attempt to stand, and before long I was facing the ground. After celebrating my small victory, I tried to get on my feet again, slower this time. Since I was facing down, it would be easy to simply pull up and get on all fours, as I did.

I stood there, something felt wrong, but at the same time, it didn't. I looked down, and my eyes met with what seemed like a white-colored wall, blocking my vision almost entirely. I raised a paw to get it off…

A paw.

I stared at the little forelimb for what felt like hours, looking at its pads and claws. It was grey, a fair and simple tone. But that simplicity did nothing to mitigate my amazement. Slowly, my eyes began to go through the leg attached to it, meeting with the same white barrier, losing my patience, I used that very paw to pull it off. The pain stabbed my chest, fissuring through my nerves and I let out a scream of agony.

"Hey what happened?!" I heard the concerned voice of the weasel from the top of the tree, it sounded a bit… muffled? I turned to him, he had already gotten the other apple off its branch, and now held it in one paw, the one he previously had in his mouth in the other, with small teeth marks on one side.

I didn't answer, looking at the source of my ache again. Only then I realized it was not a single object, but rather composed of a plentitude of very thin strands, like hair.

...Or fur.

I let my paw stroke the turf, it was soft, much softer than I would have thought, and it showed no damage despite having been tugged so carelessly not too long ago. I felt my breath stabilize once again, before finally turning to the weasel again. "What is this?" I asked, pointing at the fluffy mane.

He cocked his head again "What?"

"This!" I asked again, raising a part of the fluff with my paw, now that I thought about it, I also wanted to know why I had paws.

He blinked in response "That's your fur collar of course" It looked like he was about to say something else, but then stopped, staring at nothing like he had seen a ghost. He then pulled himself up and stood in the branch once again. Before presenting one apple to the air, as if he was offering it to someone. He stood in there for a few, long seconds, until I thought he was actually waiting for an answer. He then shrugged, before taking a step in the air and falling to my side. He landed in a sitting position next to me, apparently unharmed.

The weasel didn't say anything for a moment, then he let out a low whine "That was a bad idea." He closed one eye like he was in pain "I thought; ‘I'm going to land and then sit right? Why not just sit while landing?’" He chuckled softly, "I landed over my tails…" As he said this, he shifted his weight to the side, letting both appendages slip from under his body. He then sighed before resting against the tree again, looking at me, "You still want to eat something right?" He asked, handing me one of the apples.

I wanted to keep asking about what had just happened, but my mouth only let out a "Hmmm…"

He put the apple in front of me, the fruit's red color contrasting with the green of the grass under it. It looked palatable, and I felt my mouth starting to water.

The next thing I knew, is that I was sinking my teeth in the pome, my taste buds delighting in the fruity flavor, a delicacy directly from the heavens. I devoured the apple much faster than I thought I could, trying to appease the hunger I had not realized I had until now.

After having eaten half of it, I looked up to check on him, the weasel was just watching me eat, not having touched his own apple yet. "Does it taste good?" He asked, and I nodded, as my mouth was still full. Only then I realized that he had just shared food with a complete stranger. Gulping down the portion in my mouth, I then gave him an awkward "Thank you"

He smiled, unintentionally showing his small, and ridiculously sharp fangs. They were a bit intimidating even though he radiated happiness. He then took a bite of his own food, exactly where he had left the teeth mark from carrying the fruit on his mouth. He too ate quickly, but unlike me, he didn't seem rushed.

I sat on my hind legs, I didn't even think about it, it just felt natural. Then I continued to inquire him. "So…" I realized that I didn't want to ask What am I? the question felt wrong. "What are you?"

He frowned, and answered after swallowing the bite he had taken "What do you mean?"

"What do people call you?"

"My name is Toby," He said, giving me another smile.

I shook my head in frustration, that was not the answer I was expecting, but at least I now knew his name. "Why do you look like…" I gestured at the entirety of his body "Like that."

He shrugged "This is how all buizels look like" He hesitated "More or less"

Now it was my turn to frown "More or less?"

"I mean; they look similar to me but not the same" He shrugged again "Just like other eevees look like you but there is still something that makes you different"

Victory! He had said my species without me having to ask, it was childish to be happy about that, but it felt nice to have even a small win. I picked up the half apple and took another bite while processing this new information. I was an eevee, I still had no idea what that meant, but it comforted me to know something at the very least.

He just stared at me again, not knowing why was I suddenly looking so happy. But in the end, He decided to just give me another smile and bite his apple. Looking as peaceful as he did when he was lying next to me.

I almost choked on the chunk I had in my mouth when I realized the obvious. I had been unconscious, or at least out of commission not too long ago, and I had no idea how that had happened or if it had to be with me being… an eevee.

I spit out the bit, which earned me a confused look from Toby, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I tried to recall, not just what had happened, but anything, anything at all, but nothing came.

I couldn't remember a single thing.

Before I could dwell much more into that realization, I felt a soft bump on my shoulder, and I saw the buizel giving me a worried look. I shook my head to clear it "Why did I wake up with you?"

He blinked twice "I found you there," He said, pointing behind me, and I turned.

He was pointing at a spot in the grass not too far away from us, and I looked around, trying to get an idea of where I was even. Despite being surrounded by saplings, there was a circle of clear grass around us, the tree that protected us from insolation peeking out the middle of it like a flag of sorts, announcing its presence to the world.

I let out a sigh, and Toby must have heard it because he tried to elaborate "I came here to accompany Theo because he wanted to spend time in the woods." There was that name again, I refrained myself from interrupting him to ask about it, as I wanted to know what he was about to say "But this tree caught my attention for some reason. I asked him to come with me and look around, but he wanted to stay in the valley, so I came here alone. That’s when I found you there," He pointed again at that same spot and frowned "Your eyes were closed, and you wouldn't wake up." He slowly lowered his hand, but kept looking there, "Then you began to shake, a lot, and I got worried. I heard some people can collapse if they stay under the sun for too long, so I dragged you under this shade." That would explain those things that I felt while I was unconscious, but…

He then turned back to me, and his eyes meet mine once again, I had already seen his, but their intense color still made my brain pause for a second "As soon as I took you out of the open you stopped shaking, so I laid next to you to be there when you woke up"

I closed my eyes, trying to understand what he had just said. He had dragged me, a complete stranger to safety then forgot about whatever he had been doing and just stood there to take care of me. I couldn't remember a thing about myself, but I was sure I would not have done what he did.

He cocked his head when he noticed I was not answering "Something wrong?"

I turned to look at him again "Why did you do all of that?"

"…what do you mean?"

I gestured at everything, the hill, the tree, the apples, the attention. And he seemed to understand.

"Because I was worried about you," He said softly.

"But why? You don't know me"

He didn't answer immediately, looking as if he was lost in thought. Then he rose his paw and pointed at the branch he had climbed a moment ago. "When you thought I was about to fall, you got worried even though you didn't know me either. You didn't want to see someone getting hurt in front of you, and if you could have done something you would have. Don't you think?" He said, smiling shyly.

I gulped, not knowing what to say.

He stared at me for a long minute. Before standing up "I am going to meet with my friend now, before he gets worried, want to come?" He said, stretching his hand towards me.

I took a deep breath and considered my options. I was in a strange world, in a strange body, and no idea about literally anything. Yet there was this guy, offering me a hand, just because he thought it was the right thing to do.

I didn't need to consider anything, there were no options.

My paw met his, and his eyes gleamed in response "Is that a yes?" I nodded, and he smiled again "Give me the apple, it will be easier if I carry it"

I glared at the piece of fruit that was left, before eating the rest of it in a few bites.

Toby laughed in response "That works too" Before helping me up. He then started to walk away, and I followed him. The buizel turned to me as I arrived at his side, and gave me another smile, showing me his sharp teeth once again.

But this time, I didn't feel threatened at all.
 
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Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Etherium
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. dreepy
Hello, I'm here for catnip stuff.

Right off the bat, I have to confess this was a bit of a difficult read for me because there are lot of really odd word choices and grammatical errors. It slowed things down for me tremendously because I had to keep stopping to ask myself what you were trying to convey. Forgive me if English isn't your primary language, but I had to point out some of the instances that sprang to mind:
Today was the day new life would finally arrive, the lush prairie was already covered by a delicate blanket of tiny pink flowers, simple in their form, exuberant in their tones.
There are a lot of instances of comma splices like this throughout these two parts. Essentially, you're using commas to separate different sentences instead of periods. To me, this would read much smoother if it were three separate sentences: Today was the day new life would finally arrive. The lush prairie was covered by a delicate blanket of tiny pink flowers. Simple in their form and exuberant in their tones.
that was the moment everyone, me included, were waiting for
There are also quite a few issues with word choice confusion. It should be "including me," not "me included."
This time, not only us were in the field. For the first time since forever, we were not alone witnessing this event
Like the last one, this should be "not only were we in the field" and "For the first time in forever." Also, these two sentences are really repetitive and you can probably get rid of one of them.
from within or without
The opposite of "within" is not "without," I'm afraid. ^^;
I tried to take into everything at once.
"I tried to take in everything."
I felt the sun, I felt its light raining down the sky. I felt the ground under me, I felt its heat, I felt how it emanated it
I think you're going for repetition here, but when it comes to descriptions, using "felt" for everything makes the descriptions feel bland and flat. At least, it does to me. You should try using stronger verbs. For example: "The light of the sun rained down from the sky. It heated the ground under me."
colors forms and textures
This is a list, so everything needs to be separated by commas: "colors, forms, and textures."
"Do you feel better?" The weasel asked.
Similarly, you're not formatting your dialogue correctly. The "dialogue and punctuation" section of this guide can tell you everything you need to know about formatting dialogue.
the creature laughed, it actually laughed, the voice sounded young, almost childish.
More comma splices like I pointed out before. This is three or four separate sentences.
getting rid of the slaver
I don't know what "slaver" is supposed to mean here.

The most effort was put into describing the scenery and our characters. Seems like a nice, pretty place. Though since this reads like a typical PMD opening, I have a feeling things aren't going to stay that way. That said, there are some omissions that left me confused. The fact that chapter 1 takes so long to actually show that the protag is an eevee made it hard to follow some of the descriptions. The same could be said for the bit with the mysterious stalker at the end of the chapter. I get you don't want to reveal too much, but the flip side is you're leaving things to the reader's imagination instead of giving them anything solid to go off of.

My biggest recommendation is to try and hunt down a beta reader who can help you with all the spelling and grammatical issues. I think improving the prose will go a long way toward making your future chapters flow better and also cutting down on your word count so you can do more with said chapters.

That's all I got. Thanks for sharing.
 

DragonD

Happy eevee
Pronouns
He/him
Thank you for your feedback!

There are also quite a few issues with word choice confusion. It should be "including me," not "me included."
Ugh, I can't believe I didn't notice that when reading :quag:

I don't know what "slaver" is supposed to mean here.
Slaver is a synonym for drool and slobber, but it's rarely used and people usually think of slavery. I didn't want to repeat "drool" since I had used it not long before but should have gone with slobber or dribble, thank you for pointing it out.

I think you're going for repetition here, but when it comes to descriptions, using "felt" for everything makes the descriptions feel bland and flat. At least, it does to me. You should try using stronger verbs. For example: "The light of the sun rained down from the sky. It heated the ground under me."
I have to confess that I had a hard time not describing things like that because it wouldn't suit the character's current state. Hence why I decided to go for redundancy rather than a precise description, feels bad, but it's the most suited option for the purpose I had in mind later on. Though I meant to cut out the third one when describing the ground to switch to "how". It slid past me while rewriting, ups.

Like the last one, this should be "not only were we in the field" and "For the first time in forever." Also, these two sentences are really repetitive and you can probably get rid of one of them.
That is actually intentional, people in that village speak redundantly. When the MC arrives there he has trouble because of it. But didn't want to show much in the prologue.

The opposite of "within" is not "without," I'm afraid. ^^;
No excuse. I am dumb. Oh good Arceus.

I get you don't want to reveal too much, but the flip side is you're leaving things to the reader's imagination instead of giving them anything solid to go off of.
I was meant to post chapters one and two at once but ran out of time. So I had to leave this one here to participate in the catnip event.

You already nailed the part of the punctuation. I have little experience with -dialogue punctuation- in English since we use a different system here. So I decided to lay back on the use of dialogue punctuation altogether, at least until I got a better grasp of it. Thank you for the link and the feedback in general, already fixed the most glaring issues. :veelove:
 
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Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. custom/mew-adam
  2. custom/celebi-shiny
  3. custom/roserade-adam
So, I just gave the prologue and first chapter of this story a read and these are my thoughts about them.

The prologue was incredibly vague. Prologues are typically used to convey some outside information, show a past event and or do some kind of preliminary set up for the main conflict that may not become apparent till a couple chapters in, however I struggled to understand what this particular prologue was trying to accomplish. I wish it used less vague language and told us more about what those flowers are or what the blue flower at the end was meant to symbolize. My guess is that it's alluding to the protagonist's fascination with Toby's eyes in the first chapter, but it's hard to say.

The first chapter itself sort of drags on a bit before getting to the point. In terms of the character interactions, it was mostly good. I find it amusing that the protagonist's not from a world that had pokemon in it and had to know what he and Toby even were by inferring through roundabout questioning. However in spite of all of this, not a whole lot happened in this chapter.

While I would encourage the implementation of vivid descriptions in prose, I must admit that you clearly overdid it a tad bit. Like in the paragraph where Eevee first saw Toby's eyes, the first paragraph was more than enough to get the point across that Toby had rich blue eyes. We absolutely did not need the elaboration that it sparkled like the stars in the night sky or all the oceans combined cannot compare to it.

Overall while I liked the interactions and found Eevee's internalizing information through inference, I think it'd help your story flow better if you reel back a bit from the purple prose and choose when to give the writer vivid imagery and when to be quick, concise and straight to the point.
 

DragonD

Happy eevee
Pronouns
He/him
Overall while I liked the interactions and found Eevee's internalizing information through inference, I think it'd help your story flow better if you reel back a bit from the purple prose and choose when to give the writer vivid imagery and when to be quick, concise and straight to the point.
I do get it can be a bit distracting, but the first chapter has to be like that because of... reasons. I think it will be a good idea to make a quip to that in the next one, thank you for your observations. :veelove:
 
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Summary and notes

DragonD

Happy eevee
Pronouns
He/him
She then turned to me, her eyes fixed on mine like it was the first time she truly saw me "Every day you wake up, and put on your mask. That mask everyone sees but you don't, and I too can see through it now. But let me ask you; Do you truly want to be that person? Are you willing to? Are you willing to change your heart?"

1615555762106.png
Summary:

A new life, a fresh start. That is what Nova is faced with when he finds himself waking up in the pokémon world. A world he doesn't know anything about... or does he? Everything seems to be connected in one way or another. Life moving without waiting for him, as he tries to catch up with everything that is happening and everything that has already happened. Everyone seems to have their own reasons, their own secrets, and not all of them are meant to come to the light.

Trigger warnings:

Nothing consistent. Individual warnings may be included in their own chapters.


Notes for feedback:

Literally anything! I will take into account all you say but have in mind that sometimes some scenes must be in a specific way that may feel awkward at first, but it's justified later in the story. Please notify me of any tiny details that I may look over when moving from an action to another, as little as they can be, I would like to not leave any of them without the attention they deserve, as every single one is important to give my world life. Aside from that, I should mention that all punctuation and grammar mistakes pointed out by you will most likely be immediately taken into account, if you notice that the smaller changes from these notes haven't been updated is probably because I am waiting to get all of them before dropping a single big fix on the chapter.

Book one: To touch the stars...
Prologue: New Life
Chapter one: Good morning!

Thanks again to StrikerX3 for the amazing artwork! :veelove:
 
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