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DefendThyself

Youngster
Pronouns
He/Him
Hello everyone, I'm a rookie writer who just got started in the world of fanfiction. I will be posting the chapters to my first work of fanfiction ever here, any feedback would be really appreciated <3. I'm also not very used to posting on literal forums, so forgive me if I make any mistakes, I promise to fix them ASAP.

Brief Summary: A young explorer wannabe embarks on an adventure alongside a hired veteran to unveil the mysteries of a long lost civilization. Meanwhile, a different journey takes place somewhere else, a lost soul wanders around aimlessly with no memory of their own identity, hoping to find someone who can help them survive the dangers of such an unspeakable world...

Birds of a Feather
Prologue: A New Journey Begins


The echoed sounds of footsteps and dripping water could be heard resonating through the depths of the dark cave, where two brave explorers had been walking in it’s rocky tunnels for what felt like hours. One of them was a shiny Grovyle named Astor, a seasoned veteran who carried a treasure bag strapped to his left side. He walked ahead, holding a luminous orb high up to illuminate the path.

His partner, a young Torchic followed behind. Her name was Pepper, a chirpy but somewhat cowardly explorer-wannabe who hired her partner to aid her in this exploration. She was bigger and fluffier than the average Torchic. A silky pink scarf adorned her neck, and she kept a small treasure bag of her own, strapped and hidden under her left fluffy wing.

"H-huff...how do we know we haven't been walking in circles? It's been so long-"

Pepper stopped briefly and asked, wiping some sweat off her forehead before being quickly interrupted by her partner.

"We're close."

Astor replied concisely, stopping in his tracks to turn around and look at the Torchic, his expression being stoic and emotionless as always. Without further explanation, he resumed his walking. Pepper gasped and followed him close, almost tripping in her step as she struggled to keep up with him, not wanting to be left behind in the darkness.

"H-how can you be so sure?! It's so dark in here I can barely see my own feet!"

She spoke while looking at him, Astor stared at her through the corner of his eye, a somewhat annoyed expression formed on his face.

"I have a gut feeling…just trust me okay? We’ll get to the end of this soon enough, as long as you don’t keep interrupting me…”

The Grovyle sighed and replied with a stern tone, growing rather weary of the constant interruptions.

"Look Pepper, I can't really explain it to you, it's just something we explorers feel from time to time, you will eventually understand when you become one yourself, for now let's just keep moving, I'm certain we're not too far away from the end of this tunnel, alright?”

The Torchic gulped and nodded obediently, not wanting to annoy him any further, last thing she wanted would be to have him ditch her in the middle of the exploration. He could be rather cold at times, but so far, Astor had only proven to be a realiable veteran explorer, all her money was on him, literally.

The duo continued to walk onwards through the darkness. The power of the luminous orb was starting to run out with each passing moment, it’s shinylight becoming more and more dim over time.

“Tch…cheap thing…”

Astor remarked with a irritated tone as he looked at the orb, shaking it wildly to brighten it up at least a little. Pepper remained close to him in case it completely turned off, but stopped just behind him as she felt something cold down on her feet. After closely examining the ground, she noticed it wasn’t dirty soil anymore, but rather it was smooth marble-like flooring.

"H-hey, the ground feels different here, we must be close for real!"
She commented while scratching the ground with her feet-claws, chirping to herself with joy. Astor smiled briefly at her adorable display and pointed forward.

"Indeed, look up ahead!"

He exclaimed and held the luminous orb forward, illuminating a set of old stairs right in front of them, they were all cracked up, some of them were covered in vines and moss, it was clear nobody had passed through here in a long time. Astor gestured Pepper to follow him and they made their way upstairs. At the end of the staircase, the duo stumbled upon what seemed to be a gigantic stone gate, though it differed from the rest of the place, it looked rather clean and even mystical.

“This is it Pepper, we’ve reached the end of this tunnel, now let me take a look at this…”

The Grovyle spoke with a hint of excitement in his voice, and walked closer to the gate, illuminating it with the faint light of the orb, a soft “Eep” could be heard from behind as Pepper was temporarily left in total darkness. She ran up to Astor and remained close by while he examined the door. It was perfectly crafted, having fancy chiselling markings all over it, the gate depicted 4 strange pokémon at each corner. Astor scratched his chin as he examined the engraved images, but couldn’t identify any of the pokémon. His attention was drawn to the center of the gate shortly after, where something seemed to be written in ancient footprint runes. He squinted his eyes as he examined the writing, only for him to walk away and kneel down, placing the orb on the ground to provide his partner with some light once more.

“So…did you discover anything?”
The Torchic asked and looked up at her partner, still trembling a little.

“This indeed is a strange gate I’m afraid…there is something written on it, I’ve seen that language before, but I cannot comprehend it, nobody has ever deciphered it yet after all…”

Astor replied softly, thinking to himself for a moment as he looked at the gate once more.

"Oh…that sucks, so…we can’t get through then?”

The Torchic commented, slightly disappointed at that.

"Hmm, not necessarily, here.”

Astor passed the dying orb to his partner, right before effortlessly picking her up, holding the Torchic tightly in a hug-like embrace while he walked away from the gate.

"H-hey what gives?!"

Pepper replied and struggled a little, seemingly confused by her partner’s actions.

"Shush, stay still, I’ll get us to the other side, just trust me and brace yourself."

Pepper did as told, though she was still somewhat unsure of what her partner had in mind. The Grovyle carried her back to the start of the stairs, looking for a spot with moist soil back on the dirt path.

“Hmm this will do, hold onto me Pepper!”

Astor said before quickly turning around and performing a backflip, eliciting a scaredy squeak from the Torchic as she thought he was going to hit his head, much to her surprise, he easilly buried both of them underground, she brought her wings up to cover her eyes, dropping the almost dead luminous orb along the way. Meanwhile the Grovyle felt and dug his way underground, guiding himself with one hand while the other held Pepper tightly. Everything was pure darkness for both of them, but he had no trouble finding his way under the staircase, propmtly digging his way past the gate and emerging out with a jump.

Once they were back on the surface, Astor gently placed the Torchic on the ground before beginning to clean the dirt and dust off his body.

*Cough cough* “Huff…did you really have to do that?”

She complained and began cleaning the dirt away from her body with her wings, preening herself a little while waiting for her partner to do the same. Once done, Astor walked past her and looked over his shoulder with a smile.

“We got through, that’s all that matters. Being a explorer means getting your hands dirty sometimes…you’ll get used to it.

Astor replied as he clapped his hands to clean some remaining dust away, Pepper let out a soft whimper in response and followed him close by. The tunnel ahead was covered in all sorts of colorful crystals, they peeked out of the ceiling, walls and even out of the floor. Their bright colors illuminated the path ahead for the explorers, who marched forward towards the end of the tunnel.

The duo walked into a spacious room, it seemed to be the end of the crystalline cave. A narrow stone bridge connected the tunnel’s end with a small platform that looked like some sort of shrine. Astor walked ahead, keeping Pepper close to him, the latter couldn’t resist the curiosity and got closer to the edge to look at the bottomless abyss down below.

“W-woah, we’re so high up…”

She stumbled backwards in fear, accidentally bumping into her partner and almost making him lose his balance.

“Hey! Watch it, one false step and we’re doomed you know?!”

She looked down and nodded at his response, Astor couldn’t help but feel a little bad at being so harsh, he awkwardly scratched the back of his head and cleared his throat.

“Sorry…just be more careful…anyway, look over there, that must be it, the secret of this shrine.”

He pointed forward and guided Pepper to cross the rest of the bridge. Once they got closer, they could see the shrine in all it’s glory. It was made of some smooth stone-like bricks, purple colored and with an appearance reminiscent of marble. On the center of the altar, a Crest could be found, it was cracked and it seemed to have a rather big, oddly-shaped cavity on it.

Astor got closer to the crest and inspected it, shaking his head with a confident smile before turning to his partner

"Hey Pepper, do you still have that strange fragment you showed me earlier? I think it might just fit here…”

The Torchic nodded and rummaged through her little bag, pulling out a broken fragment, it looked like a star-shaped rock with strange markings on the center. She handed it over to Astor, who gently accepted it.

“Heh, this is pretty light for a piece of stone…”

He commented while examining the fragment in his hands, throwing it high up into the air before catching it back. Drawing a surprised but anxious gasp out of the Torchic.

“P-please don’t do that!”

She jumped in place and squealed, terrified that it would fall to the ground and shatter, only letting out a relieved sigh after he safely caught it back.

“Heh, chill out, let me have a cool moment every now and then…”

Astor let out a brief chuckle before he inserted the fragment into the crest’s cavity. It fit perfectly inside, the cracks on the crest matched that of the stone’s, and they all lit up with a pink glow. The explorers took a step back and covered their eyes as the crest let out a blinding burst of light. After uncovering their eyes, they could see the crest had been repaired and restored to it’s original state, the glowing markings on it looked like a musical symbol, reminiscent of a Sol-key.

"Hmm just as I expected…I’ve seen this symbol before. This was nothing more and nothing less than a Windspeakers crest.”

"A what? What are you talking about Astor?”

He let out a tired sigh and sat down on the ground, crossing his legs and patting the ground next to him, inviting Pepper over. She walked up to him and settled down on his side, looking up to him with curiosity.

“It’s quite the long story, there is very little data, but I can tell you this: That symbol on the crest belongs to an ancient civilization, or at least, that’s what the people of these lands believe. Not even the most ancient history books have records on who they were, or what they did. Most of the information we have comes from vague rumors, tales, old legends...”

Astor rested his head against one of the Altar’s walls, feeling rather tired after walking for so long, exhaustion was finally catching up to him. Pepper snuggled up to him as he spoke, feeling quite beat herself.

“…going to the point, we believe they’re called the Windspeakers. Ancient musicians and singers of some kind, nobody knows if they still live or not…like I said, there’s very few confirmed facts. Some believe they’re otherwordly beings, that they may live hidden amongst the common pokémon…or hidden away in some isolated community, a hidden place either unreachable or invisible to us…

The Grovyle sighed, his voice having a hint of disappointment in it.

“Everyone’s been looking for so long though…the Windspeakers have been a mystery for a long while now, and yet we barely made any progress. Many guilds have sent their best explorers to give it a shot, but most returned empty handed…”

The Torchic thought to herself for a moment then got back up, looking up at the Grovyle with decisive eyes.

“But we can’t give up just yet! Not after getting so far, I’m sure we’ll get to unravel the mystery of the Windspeakers, we just have to keep looking!”

Astor looked at her with a little smile, reaching out to give her head a comforting pat.

“What makes you believe that they still exist? Sure we have these strange crests…but for what we know, the Windspeakers could have lived here thousands of years ago, they might be extinct by now, with no further trace or other hints about their existence.”

Pepper shook her head at that, while it was a logical line of reasoning, she simply refused to believe it.

“That would be a shame, but no, it cannot be…I can’t really put it into words, but I’m sure the Windspeakers must still live, they must be here, and they must be closer than we think! I’d bet on it.”

Astor nodded at that, slowly getting back up to stretch himself a little, looking down at his partner with a smile.

"Heh… you're starting to sound like a real explorer already. I suppose you’re right, it wouldn’t be a mystery if it was easy to figure out right? We’ll just have to work a little bit harder. Not sure what lies ahead, but it’s bound to be a big adventure one way or another. Besides I can’t give up on you just yet, you went so far as to even hire me to accompany you today…speaking of which, you never told me where you found that fragment in the first place.”

Pepper looked back at the crest, walking up to it while she thought to herself for a moment.

“Hmm let’s see…I believe I found it a few days ago, yeah I was walking through a forest and I found it floating onto a pond, I thought it looked really neat so I grabbed it and kept it to myself until now. At first I thought it was just a common rock, but then I turned it around to see the strange symbol on the center, that’s when I started to wonder if it was a treasure of some kind, but the local pawn shop owner couldn’t appraise it for me.”

“Is that so? That’s really strange…” Astor replied softly, he then pulled out a map from his treasure bag, unfolding and placing it on the ground for the Torchic to see, it depicted a image of the whole continent, there were some locations on it that had been marked with little purple crosses.

“Look here Pepper, this wonder map practically covers the whole continent as we know it today, these are the places where we have found some Windspeakers crests before…” He explained and tapped some of the crosses, pulling out a purple colored pen to mark down the new location they had just discovered.

“But there’s something that has been bothering me ever since I agreed to go on this exploration with you…”

Pepper got closer to him, looking at her partner with a confused expression. “R-really? What would that be?” She replied to him before turning her attention back to the map.

“You see, this is the second crest I’ve found myself, but I’ve had some influence in finding the others too…the point is, nobody ever mentioned anything about a broken crest before, or any kind of missing fragments. The very first moment I laid eyes on your relic, I could tell it was part of a crest, what I wonder is…why was it broken?” Astor closed his eyes and crossed his arms, resting his back on one of the altar’s walls as he gave the situation some more thought.

“Is that so…? Well that’s just another mystery we’ll have to solve along the way! Looking at the map, I don’t think we can decipher a pattern of any kind, the Windspeaker shrines that have been found seem to be scattered all over the world, in rather unexpected places even, but that makes it more fun don’t you think? You never know when a mystery dungeon might have a hidden shrine at the end!”

Pepper spoke with joy while she jumped around and fluttered her wings, trying to cheer up her partner a little. Astor sighed and looked at her with a little grin, walking up to the map to fold and put it away.

“I suppose you’re right, you have a really adventurous and energetic spirit, I can respect that. A little too optimistic maybe, but you’ll do a fine explorer, that I’m sure of. Now, I think there’s nothing else for us to do here, shall we be on our way?”

His words seemed to confuse the Torchic, she rummaged through her bag a little, only to look at him with a expression of disappointment once she was done.

“Umm…Astor, I don’t have any more money. Sorry, I gave you all I had when I hired you to accompany me, I can’t pay you for any more explorations…”

The Grovyle let out a little chuckle, he kneeled in front of the Torchic and looked at her with understanding eyes.

“Forget about that, our contract is over already. You want to become a explorer, don’t you? I can show you the ropes along the way…” He gave her another headpat before continuing talking with a little sigh. “I’m going to be honest with you, travelling alone is really boring, I wouldn’t mind having you at my side, you don’t have to pay me anything else, I’ll gladly train you to be a top notch explorer.”

Pepper merely stared at him, being a little overwhelmed by her emotions to say anything in response.

“We can be a great team you and I Pepper, together I’m sure we can unravel the mystery of the Windspeakers before anyone else, but I understand if you don’t feel ready y-“

“N-NO!” Pepper yelled and interrupted him before he could even finish his sentence.
“I-I mean…yes, I want to be partners with you, I’d be delighted to join you in this adventure Astor!”

The shiny Grovyle chuckled and got back up, winking at her with crossed arms.

“Very well, welcome aboard Pepper, this will be a long adventure, we’ll face fearsome opponents, bewitching puzzles, traps and challenges of all sorts…but I’m sure we’ll get through them together. Now come, let us be on our way!”

Pepper smiled and nodded at him, her eyes tearing up with joy as she followed Astor, the two of them making their way out of the shrine together…

Birds of a Feather
A new journey begins

--Prologue End
 

Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
Staff
Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
Hey DefendThyself! (Shall I call thee Thy for short? :wink: ) Welcome to the forum! If you want to drop a few words about yourself, we've got an Intro Thread over here: https://forums.thousandroads.net/index.php?threads/intro-thread.7/page-7#post-18586

A PMD story! You'll find yourself in good company here--we've got a lot of folks who write PMD. I like that we're opening things in a different place than usual. Instead of a amnesiac human waking up on a beach, we've got a gutsy but inexperienced torchic and the stoic veteran explorer she's hired. That's not a set-up I've seen before, but it makes a lot of sense. Pokemon can hire escorts to get through dungeons, why not hire a pro to help you if you want to explore yourself? It creates some character tension for you right off the bat. Pepper wants to be taken seriously, but to Astor she's just a paying client and a bit of a pain. I wonder if you could lean into that a little more, and have Astor's shift in attitude only come after Pepper makes her speech about not giving up. That feels like the moment where he starts to see her as potentially a fellow explorer!

Their dynamic will be an interesting one to explore in future chapters. There's clearly a big gulf in age and experience between the two. How can Pepper contribute? Will she be self-conscious about being the junior member? Why is someone as experienced as Astor on his own, rather than with a team of equally experienced explorers? It definitely feels like there's a story behind his current solo status.

The Windspeakers lore is intriguing! It's interesting to me that there doesn't seem to be anything outright magical about them, beyond the fact that they are ancient and very little is known about them. If they are distinguished by their ability to make music, are pokemon with that gift suspected of being their descendants? Astor seems very invested in learning more about their story. I wonder what initially prompted that interest of his. Is he interested in music himself, or is there some other connection? I shouldn't draw conclusions from avatars, but I do see that swablu in your profile . . . 👀

Some specific sentence level stuff below. In general, keep an eye on how you punctuate your dialogue, and look out for comma splices! Hope you enjoy your time here!

The echoed sounds of footsteps and dripping water could be heard resonating through the depths of the dark cave, where two brave explorers had been walking in it’s rocky tunnels for what felt like hours.
This sentence has a bit of what writers call 'filter words.' When you say footsteps and dripping water "could be heard resonating" instead of footsteps and dripping water "resonated," you added some verbiage that makes the prose a little unecessarily bulky. Keep an eye out when you use could--could it be heard? Or is it, in fact, something that they are indeed hearing.

"it’s rocky tunnels" should be its without an apostrophe. The apostrophe means "it is" rather than denoting possession.

His partner, a young Torchic followed behind.
"a young Torchic" is an appositive phrase here, modifying and describing partner, which means you need a comma after Torchic. It's a bit like parenthesis, in that the phrase needs to be closed off from the rest of the sentence with that final comma.

Pepper stopped briefly and asked, wiping some sweat off her forehead before being quickly interrupted by her partner.
I wonder how a torchic wipes sweat off her forehead? It's not like she has hands!

She spoke while looking at him, Astor stared at her through the corner of his eye, a somewhat annoyed expression formed on his face.
You have what's called a comma splice here. There are two independent sentences (each with a subject and main verb) that are being joined by only a comma, when a full stop like a period is required. So you would want,

She spoke while looking at him. Astor stared at her through the corner of his eye, a somewhat annoyed expression formed on his face.

He could be rather cold at times, but so far, Astor had only proven to be a realiable veteran explorer, all her money was on him, literally.
Another comma splice here. "All her money was on him, literally" is independent and needs to be its own sentence.

(Little typo here--should be "reliable.")

“Tch…cheap thing…”

Astor remarked with a irritated tone as he looked at the orb, shaking it wildly to brighten it up at least a little.
This was a fun moment! There's something that sounds so inherently mystical about the word orb, that the image of someone shaking it like a flailing flashlight is humorous, and also tells me a lot about how common orbs are and what their role in society is.

"H-hey, the ground feels different here, we must be close for real!"
She commented while scratching the ground with her feet-claws, chirping to herself with joy. Astor smiled briefly at her adorable display and pointed forward.
You've got a missing line-break here!

He exclaimed and held the luminous orb forward, illuminating a set of old stairs right in front of them, they were all cracked up, some of them were covered in vines and moss, it was clear nobody had passed through here in a long time.
Big comma splice here. You've got what seem to be four separate sentences here.

He exclaimed and held the luminous orb forward, illuminating a set of old stairs right in front of them. They were all cracked up. Some of them were covered in vines and moss. It was clear nobody had passed through here in a long time.

Maybe that reads a little stiffly to you? There's a lot of other tools in the toolbox to help with that. For example,

He exclaimed and held the luminous orb forward, illuminating a set of old stairs right in front of them. They were all cracked up, and some of them were covered in vines and moss—it was clear nobody had passed through here in a long time.

At the end of the staircase, the duo stumbled upon what seemed to be a gigantic stone gate, though it differed from the rest of the place, it looked rather clean and even mystical.
I wonder what a gate looking mystical actually looks like? A few more concrete details could help me picture that better here.

The last clause, starting with "it looked . . . " is independent and needs to be its own sentence.

It was perfectly crafted, having fancy chiselling markings all over it, the gate depicted 4 strange pokémon at each corner.
Comma splice here, and numbers under ten are generally best written out as letters--it's a convention that helps with readability.
It was perfectly crafted, having fancy chiselling markings all over it. The gate depicted four strange pokémon at each corner.

He squinted his eyes as he examined the writing, only for him to walk away and kneel down, placing the orb on the ground to provide his partner with some light once more.
I'm not sure "only for" is the connective phrase you want here. His actions seem to be sequential, not inherently contradictory. So
He squinted his eyes as he examined the writing, then walked away and knelt down, placing the orb on the ground to provide his partner with some light once more.

I wonder if you want to have the narrative calling them partners at this point. They aren't yet, and the ending might feel weightier if they hadn't been called partners earlier.

“So…did you discover anything?”
The Torchic asked and looked up at her partner, still trembling a little.
Missing line break!

“This indeed is a strange gate I’m afraid…there is something written on it, I’ve seen that language before, but I cannot comprehend it, nobody has ever deciphered it yet after all…”

Astor replied softly, thinking to himself for a moment as he looked at the gate once more.
Speech tags should be on the same line as they speech they relate to. So,

“This indeed is a strange gate I’m afraid…there is something written on it, I’ve seen that language before, but I cannot comprehend it, nobody has ever deciphered it yet after all…” Astor replied softly, thinking to himself for a moment as he looked at the gate once more.

"Oh…that sucks, so…we can’t get through then?”

The Torchic commented, slightly disappointed at that.
Same point as above. Keep in mind that speech tags after dialogue aren't capitalized, so it should read

"Oh…that sucks, so…we can’t get through then?” the Torchic commented, slightly disappointed.

“Hmm this will do, hold onto me Pepper!”
Exclamations like "Hmm" and adressing people directly by name are sectioned off with commas. So
“Hmm, this will do, hold onto me, Pepper!”

Astor said before quickly turning around and performing a backflip, eliciting a scaredy squeak from the Torchic as she thought he was going to hit his head, much to her surprise, he easilly buried both of them underground, she brought her wings up to cover her eyes, dropping the almost dead luminous orb along the way. Meanwhile the Grovyle felt and dug his way underground, guiding himself with one hand while the other held Pepper tightly.
I had some trouble picturing how Astor is managing to tunnel through the ground with only a single hand!

(Small typo, should be "easily." Online spellcheckers can catch stuff like this.)

*Cough cough* “Huff…did you really have to do that?”
Asterisk asides like this work well in script and chat format, but are distracting in narrative format. You could say,
“Huff," Pepper said, coughing, "did you really have to do that?”

Astor replied as he clapped his hands to clean some remaining dust away, Pepper let out a soft whimper in response and followed him close by.
Comma splice here!
Astor replied as he clapped his hands to clean some remaining dust away. Pepper let out a soft whimper in response and followed him closely.

Once they got closer, they could see the shrine in all it’s glory.
* its

On the center of the altar, a Crest could be found, it was cracked and it seemed to have a rather big, oddly-shaped cavity on it.
This is another instance of filter verbs. Could a crest be found? Or are they, in fact, finding a crest. You can make this active by making Pepper and Astor the subject, as in, "On the center of the altar, they saw a Crest. It was cracked and it seemed to have a rather big, oddly-shaped cavity on it." Or you could keep the crest as the subject and use a different verb, like, "A Crest lay on the center of the altar. It was cracked and it seemed to have a rather big, oddly-shaped cavity on it." (Either way, you do need to split the sentences--another comma splice here.)

After uncovering their eyes, they could see the crest had been repaired and restored to it’s original state, the glowing markings on it looked like a musical symbol, reminiscent of a Sol-key.
* its
 

penda

Hmm
Pronouns
they/them
Hey DefendThyself! Always love seeing new PMD stories and I wanted to offer a review~

I enjoyed the relationship between Astor and Pepper. Astor goes from this serious, no nonsense explorer-for-hire at the start and as he warms up to Pepper, starts to loosen up a bit and even take a liking to her. I think to make this work even better, you could add a detail about Pepper doing something in the dungeon to earn Astor's new respect, like maybe avoiding a trap or something else to show that she has prowess as an explorer and can be more than just a client. Or the fact that she was brave enough at all to follow Astor through the shrine, despite the potential danger. Just some more details to really bring their dynamic to life, but I still liked the two and how the interacted. Very sweet.

I go over some of the issues I noticed in the story in the line comments section below, but overall I'm looking forward to reading more. A classic story of searching for artifacts for a long lost tribe with some likable characters is something I can really dig.

The echoed sounds of footsteps and dripping water could be heard resonating through the depths of the dark cave, where two brave explorers had been walking in it’s rocky tunnels for what felt like hours.
I bolded the parts here where you're using passive voice instead of active. I feel the intro can be even stronger by using active voice here to help the reader get more into the actions of the characters. Changing "could be heard resonating" to just "resonated" and "had been walking" to walked". I'd suggest also splitting the first sentence: put a period after "cave", then start the next sentence with "Two brave explorers". You also can remove the apostrophe on "it's" in the second part of the sentence.

These are stylistic aspects, but I'd suggest changing "walked" to something a little more robust. Something like "traversed" or "trekked" could work. You also say the time felt like hours, but does this mean that it had been less than hours? Might work better if you just said they had been in the cave for hours to be a little more concrete with this detail.

One of them was a shiny Grovyle named Astor, a seasoned veteran who carried a treasure bag strapped to his left side. He walked ahead, holding a luminous orb high up to illuminate the path.
These details could definitely be shown to the reader instead of directly told to us. Saying something how the Grovyle held the luminous orb up, the light reflecting off his (shiny color) scales. There the detail that he is a shiny is subtle and shown through instead of stopping the story to outright point it out. You can even add a detail how he adjusts the strap on his left side to let us know he is wearing a bag. To show Astor is a veteran, you could have him converse with Pepper a bit before they get to their destination. Maybe showing that Astor has knowledge of the cave or how to proceed that would let him flex his wisdom and knowledge as a veteran explorer. Just some ideas.

His partner, a young Torchic followed behind. Her name was Pepper, a chirpy but somewhat cowardly explorer-wannabe who hired her partner to aid her in this exploration. She was bigger and fluffier than the average Torchic. A silky pink scarf adorned her neck, and she kept a small treasure bag of her own, strapped and hidden under her left fluffy wing.
I like the small details you've given these characters to have them stand out, but again they can be shown to the reader more organically rather than listed out.

Astor replied concisely, stopping in his tracks to turn around and look at the Torchic, his expression being stoic and emotionless as always
Could probably delete the bold part, since we just saw him reply, then changed "stopping" to "stopped". The following action is a bit confusing too. He says it, stops, then starts walking again. It might serve the character better if he doesn't stop as he speaks. Or, if you want to show the character is worried about their partner, you can have him stop and ask if Pepper needs a break, letting Pepper show off her go-getter attitude as an explorer wannabe and insist they keep going.

"H-how can you be so sure?! It's so dark in here I can barely see my own feet!"

She spoke while looking at him, Astor stared at her through the corner of his eye, a somewhat annoyed expression formed on his face.
I'm not sure if this is intentional, but your dialogue tags should not be in a separate paragraph. It should look more like:
"H-how can you be so sure?! It's so dark in here I can barely see my own feet," she spoke.

"I have a gut feeling…just trust me okay? We’ll get to the end of this soon enough, as long as you don’t keep interrupting me…”
I feel like the bold part could be another good opportunity to show off Astor's experience through dialogue. Instead of a gut feeling, he could invoke his experience from many dungeon treks before, or maybe that he's studied the map of this cave and expects their destination to be close.

The Grovyle sighed and replied with a stern tone, growing rather weary of the constant interruptions.
I feel like you could delete the entire sections. Both the fact that he's being stern as well as tired of the interruptions is expressed in the dialogue.

all her money was on him, literally
I liked this detail. A subtle hint at what their relationship is.

The power of the luminous orb was starting to run out with each passing moment, it’s shinylight becoming more and more dim over time.
You kind of say the same thing here twice. You could cut the last part of the sentence to get the same effect. Also should be "its shining light".

with a irritated tone
an*

She commented while scratching the ground with her feet-claws, chirping to herself with joy. Astor smiled briefly at her adorable display and pointed forward.
Loved this interaction. Shows Astor does seem to like and care for Pepper.

He exclaimed and held the luminous orb forward, illuminating a set of old stairs right in front of them, they were all cracked up, some of them were covered in vines and moss, it was clear nobody had passed through here in a long time.
This is a run on sentence. Could put a period after "front of them" then start a new sentence.

“So…did you discover anything?”
Use "..." sparingly in dialogue. If it's a minor pause, it really isn't needed. If the character has stopped speaking to do an action, then stop the dialogue all together and describe the action. An effective way to use "..." is to show a speaker's voice trailing off and getting distracted, but be mindful not to use it too much.

*Cough cough* “Huff…did you really have to do that?”
Putting actions in asterisks isn't really appropriate for normal writing. It would be more effective to describe Pepper coughing up dirt as she tried to speak.

began cleaning the dirt away from her body with her wings, preening herself a little while waiting for her partner to do the same.
Good detail.
 

spinaltapdancer3

Lost my cloud pfp pic. :(
Location
US - Central Time Zone
Pronouns
he, they
Alright might as well do some last minute reviews. Ground floor and all.
Good Things
The dialogue is solid. You describe as Astor as a seasoned veteran and Pepper as a unsure novice. Your dialogue really reflects that, the way you add hesitancy into Peppers dialogue was a really effective choice in making her seem inexperienced. Astor however spoke directly and with authority, which just reinforced his position as a veteran. Good job "showing" us this dynamic not just "telling" us!

Plot hooks are important, and you made an effective one. This is a bit a personal preference but I like it when the first chapter either introduces or at least hints at what the overarching plot is going to be. It serves to keep people invested, and if people drop but then return later, they have an easy way of remembering what the plot is supposed to be.

The writing is smooth, nothing really stood out as out of place.
Things that I think need improvement
I'm pretty certain your characters take inspiration from the grovyle and partner from explorers, given the grovyle knows dig and uses orbs while Pepper has a literal relic fragment. I wasn't 100% certain this was a different group until the very end when you mention the grovyle was a shiny again( I actually missed the initial description of Astor being shiny). In fact I'm still not 100% certain this is some non-canon variant of the explorers character's. If they are completely original characters I'd probably add a few more distinguishing traits that seperate your characters from the explorers characters, beyond that Astor is a shiny.

Overall it's a decent story. It's pretty early so it's hard to give any extensive criticism/praise. It seems you know the story you want to tell, so I wish you the best of luck.
 
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