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Pokémon A Mew Me: Kuki's Tale

Chapter 1: Kuki's Tale Begins

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. custom/mew-adam
  2. custom/celebi-shiny
  3. custom/roserade-adam
Mewbeans Cover.png

Hey guys, back at it again with yet another rendition of this fic. Anyway, here's the first chapter.

I'll always reciprocate any and all reviews! (⌒‿⌒)

Feedback Preferences:
I'm looking to get feedback focus on narrative structure, prose, rudimentary grammar checks and overall how well or badly I did regarding those factors.

If you're a reader that has read the previous versions of this fic. Tell me what you think of this version. If you feel that it's not different enough and struggle to find any feedback to give, please refrain from reviewing altogether and just DM me what you think of the fic on discord instead.

Chapter One: Kuki's Tale Begins

Kuki’s hair fluttered in the warm afternoon breeze. She stretched her arms with a yawn and leaned back against a large berry tree. A second gust threatened to knock her summer hat off just as she relaxed, and she quickly clamped it down to her head. With a relieved sigh, she tucked her loose puffy hair back into her hat and sat upright.

Before they’d arrived, Kuki had thought that tagging along with Mew to gather berries would be fun, but all she’d done so far was sit around while Mew did everything. Within minutes she’d been bored out of her mind, and so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms. She took a bite from it when boredom kicked in and began wondering what to do when they got back home. Perhaps she could watch some TV, or make another tower of cards. Studying her textbooks was an option too…. No, doing that last one was even more boring than sitting around in front of a tree.

Kuki tried finding other ways to distract herself, and that came in the form of a red berry up in the treetops. It resembled a spike ball, if the spikes had all been hammered till they became round bumps. She chuckled as she pictured it happening in her mind. The berry then seemed to pluck itself off its stalk. It hovered in the air and landed next to Mew, who hummed while dancing with a handful of other berries floating around her; they too danced to her rhythm.

‘Something on your mind, Kuki?’ Mew asked, glancing over her shoulder. A half-eaten Chesto berry floated next to her. Kuki stifled a chuckle because the berry juice around Mew’s mouth made it look like she’d done a shoddy job at make-up.

“Nothing really. I’m just thinking of what to do when we go home.” She drew her arm forward and reached towards the blue sky. Sunlight fell onto her arm between the gaps in the canopy, creating a soft shimmer over her caramel skin.

Mew licked some of the juices off her mouth before stuffing her face with the rest of the berry. ‘Come up with anything yet?’

“Not yet. I’m still brainstorming.”

‘Brainstorming? Can’t wait to hear what you come up with then. It’s gonna be exciting, isn’t it?’

“Sure, it will! Just wait and see!”

Mew giggled, then went back to plucking out various berries around her. Kuki watched her quietly for a while. She could never not be amazed by how Mew was able to carry so many things without so much as raising a finger. With her rear growing sore from sitting, she stood up and walked over to Mew.

“Mew, I want to help with the berry picking too.”

‘No need. I’ve got it all covered. Besides, I’m almost done anyway, and then we can go home.’

“Oh, come on. Pretty pleeease? I’m so bored out of my mind just sitting here. It’s not like you brought me here to just watch, right?”

‘You do have a point. Sitting around is boring. Since you really want to help, I guess it’s fine,’ Mew said with a chuckle. ‘Let’s see now…’ Mew glanced at an empty sack, then drew it towards herself and handed it to Kuki.

Kuki smiled and reached for the empty sack as Mew pointed at a couple of berry trees whose branches dipped low to the ground.

‘Here, you can go get those ones over there, okay?’

“On it!” Kuki said, skipping as she approached the berries. “And a one, and a two…” she sang to herself, plucking whatever berries she could reach from her height.

After wandering about for a bit, she spotted a tree with several ripe looking berries nearby. Kuki held her hand over her mouth and ogled at them. She turned around to inform Mew, but stopped short before saying anything. What if she went and got them all by herself? Mew would shower her with praise and tell her how proud she was, then they’d go on more outings together! Excited by the thought, she quietly sneaked away while Mew was focused on reaching for a particularly tall branch.

Kuki’s heart raced with every step that brought her closer to the berries. She gasped when she got close enough to see the tree clearly. The Oran berries were the ripest ones she’d ever seen, and each one was plump as both of her fists combined. Mew would absolutely love them! Kuki may as well have found the greatest treasure trove on the planet! She hurriedly walked into the clearing and reached to pluck one of them.

“What in the—what do you think you’re doing?!” barked a loud voice.

Kuki flinched and turned in the direction of the voice. She saw a large man wielding a trowel marching towards her. With his spottled, faded overalls and straw hat, he resembled the farmers she’d seen on some of her shows.

Her breath caught in her throat. In all of the shows she’d seen, farmers were kind and smiley. This one might’ve worn the right clothes, but the fierce scowl plastered across her face reminded her more of a villain. “H-hi,” she managed to stammer. “I’m Kuki.”

“I don’t care who you are, get the hell out of my farm or I swear——”

Kuki quailed. What should she do? She’d never talked to a farmer before, let alone one as frightening as that one. Her eyes darted between the berry tree and the man’s towering figure, and she flinched when his gaze turned even fiercer than before just as she did. Kuki’s throat felt like it'd closed in on itself, and she wanted nothing more than to shrink into the ground and disappear.

“I was just gonna take some berries, Mister. That’s all.”

“Ah, so, you’re a thief then! Get away from my prized berries!” the farmer demanded and began to stomp her way.

Kuki’s shrieked, stumbling back and away from him. Futile as it was, she tried defending herself, saying, “I found the berries first. Get your own!”

That much at least seemed to stop him for a moment. He looked at her in pure bafflement. “My own? I can’t even… This is my private property! I own this farm! That is my Oran tree!”

“I don’t see your name on it.” Just to be sure, she glanced back at the trunk. Sure enough, there weren’t any names on it. “Can’t we just share? I can take half of them and you can take the other half. It’s not much, really.”

“Holy crap, how old even are you?! You know what? I don’t have time for this. Come with kid, I’ll be having a word with your parents at the station,” the man said, his scowl now mixed with annoyance.

Kuki’s heart drummed even faster the moment he took a step towards her. Kuki remembered Mew telling her that should she ever get into trouble, she should run away and call for her. So, Kuki turned to flee, only to trip on a rock. Kuki yelped and face-planted onto the ground.

Pain erupted from her ankle, forcing her to lose grip of her berry bag to clutch her aching leg. By the time she turned around, the farmer was mere inches away from grabbing her by the arm. She closed her eyes and shouted Mew’s name. The farmer’s fearsome hand never reached her, and when she looked up she immediately found out why.

The man had frozen, and a pinkish glow had engulfed his entire body. Right after that, a pink bubble surrounded Kuki, and she sighed in relief.

The farmer only had a moment to stare in shock and confusion before Kuki’s bubble expanded outward, smacking and sending him hurtling through the air. Just before he hit the ground, he froze in midair for a second, then he dropped with a painful groan.

Kuki’s contracted again, and Mew appeared in front of her as a gothorita.

“What in the world?!” the farmer blurted through clenched teeth, his arm pressed to his back.

Mew frowned at him. Kuki knew there was nothing a human could do once caught in Mew’s psychic restraints, especially not when she was furious. She and Mew exchanged glances, one with tearful eyes and the other with worry.

‘Are you hurt, Kuki?’

“A little… but it’s not his fault. I tripped and fell.”

‘Fun time’s over. Let’s go home.’

Mew glanced at the farmer and her eyes flashed blue for a second. In that moment, the man fell on his face, limp and unconscious.

As Mew entered the bubble she was in to embrace her, Kuki stared back at the farmer. He would probably wake up later, and would not remember anything that happened that day. She looked away, expressionless, and snuggled Mew against her body. A second later, they were gone without a trace.

***B***
The long-range teleportation brought with it a dizziness Kuki still hadn’t gotten used to, even after experiencing it a bunch of times. She sighed in relief when it wore off. They were back at home sweet home. Nothing could quite compare to the coziness of their room. Her bed was tucked away at one corner while her mirrored dresser, shelves, and television sat adjacent to it. The rest of the room’s space was mostly for recreational purposes. It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and build models of the things she saw in shows with her toy bricks.

“That was close. Thanks for showing up, Mew,” Kuki said. She moved her leg a little before a burning pain raced up her ankle. She clasped her hands over it and groaned. When Kuki noticed the worried look Mew was giving her, she forced a smile and said, “It doesn’t really hurt that much.”

Mew didn’t reciprocate the smile. Her eyes drooped and she placed her paws against Kuki’s cheeks. ‘You shouldn’t have wandered off like that, Kuki! You could’ve gotten into huge trouble with those humans!’

Kuki lowered her eyes turned her face the other way. “I’m sorry … I was just trying to help. I wanted to bring those huge berries because I thought you’d like them.”

‘Oh, what do I do with you?’ Mew shook her head. Her eyes glowed so she could inspect Kuki’s leg. ‘Looks like you sprained it. You won’t be playing outdoors today with your foot like that.’

“What? That’s not true! It really doesn’t hurt that much! Look, I can stand up just fine!” Kuki tried pushing herself up, but a sharp pain shot up her ankle the moment she put pressure on it. Her legs buckled, but a psychic hold held her from falling, and Mew gently lowered her back down to sit.

Kuki pouted in defeat, which prompted a giggle from Mew.

‘See? What did I tell you?’

“Okay fine, it hurts. Mew, please heal me,”

Mew brought a paw to her chin and looked the other way. ‘Oh, but should I? I’m not sure.’

“Meeeeew. I’m sorry, please!”

‘I’m just teasing you, Kuki,” she said with a laugh. ‘Here you go, one healed foot coming right up!’

Mew's paw glowed a radiant pink and she gently pressed it over Kuki’s sprained ankle. Kuki winced from the contact, but then the pain was completely gone right after. She smiled and moved her foot around. Her ankle really was as good as new.

It marveled Kuki just how quickly Mew's healing worked. Mew told her she was the only human her healing powers worked on, though Kuki was sure Mew only said that to make her feel special.

“Hooray, I’m back in action!” Kuki said, springing up to her feet and spreading her arms upwards.

Mew clapped her paws together and smiled. ‘That’s very good, Kuki! Come on now, let’s go and prepare lunch.’

“Okay!” Kuki lowered her arms and noticed one of the bubbles Mew was carrying had something strange in it. She widened her eyes for a moment and snorted. “You actually brought the tree with you?”

‘You looked like you wanted it, so I picked it up.’

“I was only gonna pluck a couple for you. I wasn’t going to take the whole tree!”

‘This works out for us, though. Now we can get more berries without having to leave the lighthouse.’

“Are we going to plant it somewhere in the courtyard?”

‘If that’s what you want. Here’s what we’re going to do,” Mew waved her paw and a spot in the air shimmered. A second later, an identical copy of Mew hovered next to her. “Other me here will go with you, and you two can plant the berry tree wherever you want. I’ll go prepare us something in the kitchen in the meantime, okay?”

“Alright, yay!” Kuki said, pulling the real Mew into a tight hug before letting go and trotting up the staircase. A normal person could barely tell Mew apart from her illusory copies, but Kuki could recognize the real Mew easily. After spending thirteen years of her life with Mew, it had become instinct for her to recognize the very faint difference in the pink shade Mew had compared to her clones. The real Mew was also warmer whenever Kuki hugged her, not to mention she also smelled a bit like Lum berries. Unsurprising. Lum berries were Mew’s favorite, and she didn’t share with her copies.

About half an hour later, Kuki returned to the room while singing a tune to herself. There was dirt all over her clothes and hands, because Kuki insisted on doing most of the manual labor. She put the tree into the soil all by herself too even though Other Mew insisted on helping her. In the end, she couldn’t and needed to be helped with just a bit of telekinesis to make the tree just light enough for Kuki to carry. All that hard work left her feeling sore all over. Other Mew had disappeared shortly after they’d planted the tree.

Mew was nowhere to be found in the room, though the sweet scent permeating the air told her everything she needed to know. Knowing that, Kuki went to take a bath and got a change of clothes. While combing her hair in front of the mirror, she noticed a strange black feather sitting on top of the drawer. Curious, Kuki reached her to pick it up, but it disintegrated into nothing just before she could touch it.

‘Lunch is ready!’ Mew announced, hovering down to the room with a tray in tow. ‘I bet you’re really hungry right about now!’

“Sure am! What are we having today?” Kuki asked with gleaming eyes. The sweet scent alone caused her to drool a bit. “Is it curry? Fried poffins? Oh, are we having steamed potatoes again?!"

‘Dadan! You guessed it right. Today, we’re having steamed potatoes with three sauces! The red one’s Tamato berry sauce, the blue one’s Yache and the green one’s Lum berry flavored. First one’s a bit spicy though.’

Mew placed the tray on the coffee table. Kuki looked in awe at the two bowls filled with steaming peeled potatoes. The sauces were in three separate smaller bowls.

Kuki quickly reached to grab a potato, but Mew held her tail in front of her to halt her reach. ‘They’re still hot. Wait for them to cool down a bit.’

“But I’m huuungry!”

Mew giggled. ‘Just give me a moment first, silly girl.’

Kuki opened her mouth to complain again, but closed it without saying anything. Mew had her paws over the bowls and the steam drifted towards her as though she was vacuuming it. A few moments later, the steam slowed, and Mew looked at the cooled potatoes with a pleased smile. How had that worked? Kuki hadn’t the slightest idea.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Kuki said absentmindedly.

Mew raised her brows then laughed. ‘Of course, there are all sorts of things.’

“Really? Like what?”

‘Well for instance… I can’t keep up with a hyper energetic girl like you!’

“Haha, I haven’t heard that one before!”

Mew held a paw to her snout and giggled. ‘Really though, there are a lot things even I wish I could do. I’m not perfect, even if I may seem that way to you.’

“Oh… well, you’ll always be the best in the world to me no matter what!” Kuki said, throwing a fist into the air.

‘… Thank you.’

Partway through the meal, Kuki had her head in the clouds as usual, staring idly at the single light bulb on the ceiling. She could feel Mew’s curious gaze, then she smiled and made eye contact. She chomped down the remains of her last potato when she spoke.

“Let’s make a kite.”

Mew tilted her head sideways. ‘A kite? Like the one in that lotad prince show?’

“It’s Lotus Prince, not lotad!” Kuki corrected passionately.

Mew swayed her tail back and forth with a smile. ‘Sorry, I can’t seem to ever get the name right.’

“You know… you kinda remind me of the fairy queen from the show.”

‘Do I? What’s the fairy queen like?’ Mew asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Oh, she’s this magical lady who helps guide the hero on his great journey to save the Lotus Kingdom! She gave him a magic kite in the third episode, and he uses it to travel through the air like an unfezant!” Kuki said, waving her hand in the air with a wide smile. She thought of something and her smile faded. “We could watch it again sometime. We never get to finish it together cause you’re always going out somewhere.”

‘Oh, whoops. Sorry about that. You know how it is. I have to go around helping all sorts of folks around the globe, making sure everything’s going well and we’re all getting along. Most of the time I just go to have fun though.” Mew smiled giddily as though recalling a funny, then her smile grew faint. “But a lot of what I do is still too dangerous to bring a delicate human like you, Kuki. I mean, you almost got in trouble with that human earlier and even got hurt too!’

“I guess so…” Kuki pushed her bowl aside and rested her arms over the table with a glum look.

‘Tell you what?’ Mew said, and hovered upwards with her paw raised, saying, ‘When you get this tall, I promise I’ll take you out on my adventures more often!’ Mew said, patting Kuki’s puffy hair gently.

Kuki’s mouth fell open. Her eyes gleamed as she held Mew’s paws tightly. “You mean it?! You must promise!”

Mew giggled. ‘That’s a promise then!’

“Alright! I sure can’t wait to grow up! I am so, so excited!” Kuki squealed and pictured herself with Mew exploring hidden caves, finding lost treasures and saving the world from bad guys and other stuff. They’d already done those things during Kuki’s plays, but Kuki had always wanted to know what they were like for real.

“We’d have adventures just like in the shows and movies!”

‘Come now, let’s not get carried away. Here, tell me more about this kite thing you mentioned earlier.’

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She walked to the pile of papers and cardboard at the other end of the room. “In the show it looked like we can make a kite out of some light paper, and with these sticks… Oh, don’t forget the strings to tie them up together!”

Mew peeked over Kuki’s shoulder to see what she was doing, and sudden realization dawned on her face. ‘So, this is why you took those things from that human shop the other day?’

“Oh that? I actually wanted to make something else called an origami that day, but I couldn’t really figure it out. I kind of gave up. Well, not really. I still want to do it… someday,” Kuki explained with a sigh, twirling a string around a chopstick.

‘Oh, you. Don’t give up on something just because it’s difficult.’

Kuki pouted with folded arms. “The instructions were too complicated. I couldn’t follow them at all! They were like fold it like this, and like that. There were pictures, but they were no help.” Kuki’s shoulders drooped.

‘Well, if you’re feeling up to it again some other time, we can make some of these origami together!’ Mew said, throwing her fist in the air. ‘If we put our heads together, I’m sure we’ll be able to understand the instructions!’

“Really?!” Kuki asked, leaning forward. Her gaze fell back on the string-wrapped chopstick in her hand. “But first, we have to make the kite!”

Mew giggled as she climbed up Kuki’s shoulder. ‘That’s the spirit, Kuki! Now then, where do we start?’

And so, the two of them set to work on the kites. After a few failed attempts, Kuki suggested they watch The Lotus Prince again to figure out how, but they ended up marathoning the series, because Kuki couldn’t remember which episode the instructions were shown in. After a few hours and lots of used paper, they finally made something that actually resembled a working kite.

“Hooray, we did it! We made a kite,” Kuki said before yawning heavily. Her eyes burned with exhaustion and she couldn’t help rubbing her hands over them. She was already nodding off even as she said, “Let’s go and test it out, Mew. We… still don’t know… if it can fly yet.”

Mew smiled and flicked off a small bit of paper on Kuki’s nose. ‘That can wait till tomorrow, Kuki. What you need now is lots of rest.’

Mew shapeshifted into an audino and scooped Kuki up in her arms. Kuki groaned as she meekly tried nudging away from Mew to break free. Unable to find the strength to do so, she lowered her arm and yawned once more.

“I can still keep going…” Kuki argued, but her yawns weren’t fooling anyone.

‘No, Kuki. It’s sleepy time for you.’

“Awwwww.”

‘Don’t worry. We’ll play again first thing in the morning.’

With what remaining strength she could muster, Kuki held onto Mew’s hand and met her eyes. “Mew, will we always be together?”

Mew’s eyes widened at the sudden question, then her expression softened to a smile. “Always, Kuki. Always.”

“Yaaaaay…” Kuki smiled widely and closed her eyes. With that, she fell fast asleep.

After holding onto her for a few minutes, Mew tucked Kuki into bed gently. She drew some of the girl’s loose hair behind her ear and kissed her on the forehead.

‘I might as well sleep too,’ Mew said with a huff after stretching her limbs. The lights went off at her command and then she tucked herself under the blanket next to Kuki, smiled, and closed her eyes. ‘Good night, Kuki.’

***B***​

The night had been quiet and peaceful. Mew laid awake and curled next to Kuki, who was sound asleep. Mew kept going over that day’s events in her mind. That human on the farm. What if she’d been just a minute later? Kuki could’ve been hurt even worse. It had only taken a few minutes too…. Mew grimaced. If they did something like that again, she’d have to stick to Kuki like glue.

Mew sighed and clenched her paws while staring at the ticking clock on the far-off wall. All was said and done, at least. Things were fine. Kuki would be safe as long as she had her. Maybe Mew worried too much, though at times it felt like she never worried enough. Everything… everything was fine.

With her mind at ease, Mew curled against Kuki to bask in her body warmth, and listen to the ambience of the girl’s dreaming mind. However, she immediately felt something wasn’t right. Kuki’s body had gotten cold.

Could it be?!

Mew sprang up and jerked her head towards Kuki. Maybe it was just her imagination? She pressed her paws against Kuki’s neck and cheek. Cold. Much too cold. Was Kuki already…? How could that be? Mew whimpered. No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand.

Heartbeats! Mew needed to check for that. If Kuki was hanging on by even a thread, it wasn’t too late. Mew pressed her ear against Kuki’s chest and held her breath. Anything, any small glimmer of sound would be more than enough!

A second passed, followed by another, and another. Mew clenched her paws and her heart began to sink further and further, then she heard something. A heartbeat, faint enough that it sounded like it’d wither and fade from the lightest touch. Relief washed over Mew like a tidal wave. Kuki was still alive. She was still alive! There was still hope, and Mew was intent on not wasting it.

Without wasting a second, Mew raised her paws. They glowed bright pink, illuminating the entire room like a lamp. She brought them down and pressed them tightly against Kuki’s chest, right over where her heart was. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time. At the very least, she knew how to deal with it. She knew how to save Kuki. With a mental push, Mew rushed a surge of energy into Kuki’s body.

Luminous pink veins spread all around Kuki’s body from her chest. Every minute that passed drained a great deal of energy from Mew. The next ten minutes agonized Mew, and every second that passed drained her even further.

At long last, warmth steadily returned to Kuki’s body. Shortly after, Mew saw the girl’s chest rising and falling with every breath. Mew bestowed more of her power to Kuki a while longer, just in case. After that, she withdrew her paws and slumped over Kuki with a groan. The glow of her paws and Kuki’s veins faded, bringing darkness back to their room once more.

‘That was close… too close,’ Mew muttered to herself. She toppled to the side with heavy eyes and yawned.

As Mew started dozing off, she felt arms wrap around her body and pull her in.

“Mew…” Kuki said, whimpering.

Mew smiled and lightly stroked Kuki’s forehead with her tail. ‘What’s wrong, Kuki? Did you have a nightmare?’

“Mmmhmm.”

‘Everything’s okay now, Kuki. I’m here for you. I’m here,’ Mew said, smiling weakly. She hummed Kuki a lullaby and waited till she made sure Kuki had gone back to sleep. Only then did she too drift off.
 
Last edited:

kyeugh

onion witch
Location
florida
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. custom/gfetchd-kyeugh
1. berry picking

hey adam! it's been great having you back around, and it's awesome to see kuki's tale make a return! i've read a few variations of this chapter by now, so this review won't be super long, and i'll try to mostly get into the changes and some questions i had while reading.

first thing's first, i think this chapter is a wonderful iteration on your story! all the nice parts that make the story sweet are still there, and you've improved upon them. i think kuki feels less infantile and more her age albeit naïve, which is a good change imo. and mew has a much stronger personality i think, caring and protective but mischievous, and with apparently limited understanding of the outside world. her treatment of the farmer (and her theft of his tree!) shows she has a somewhat callous side to her.

one thing i wondered is whether the berry bushes that mew was picking from were the farmer's, too. did they also belong to him but were just further out of view? or did kuki wander onto his property without noticing somehow? why did the farmer notice kuki but not mew? i think you could clear most of this stuff up with an added sentence or two, but they were thoughts that occurred to me while reading. another thing i wondered was why mew told kuki she wouldn't be able to play outside that day if she had the ability to heal her and they both knew it.

i thought the foreshadowing you do here is really nice, both with the closing scene but also the bit with the black feather. it seems like this edition of the story is going to take its time before getting out of the slice-of-life stuff, which is fun! but it also makes sense to sort of hint at the conflict that's building up behind the scenes, and you do it well. i think those details might be lost on a first-time reader beyond "i wonder what this is?" but as someone who knows what happens next, it's like you're peppering the story with periodic gut punches to remind me what exactly i'm reading. that said, i think the time mew and kuki spend together is really sweet, so i'm glad you're extending it a little, and i'm looking forward to see what mischief they get up to next! 😁

Within minutes she’d been bored out of her mind, and so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms. Bored from playing with it, she took a bite from it and began wondering what to do when they got back home.
i found the tense change here a little confusing at first. it might be clearer if you made it a little more explicit, even by just injecting the word "now" into the second sentence somewhere, for example:
Within minutes she'd been bored out of her mind, so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms. By now she was bored of playing with it, though, so she took a bite from it and began wondering what to do when they got back home.​

Perhaps she could watch some TV, or make another tower of cards. Studying her textbooks was an option too…. No, doing that last one was even more boring than sitting around in front of a tree.
i like this, really gives us a feel for kuki's age and personality.

“Oh, come on. Pretty pleeease? I’m so bored out of my mind just sitting here. It’s not like you brought me here to just watch, right?”

‘You do have a point. Sitting around is boring. Since you really want to help, I guess it’s fine,’ Mew said with a chuckle. ‘Let’s see now…’ Mew glanced at an empty sack, then drew it towards herself and handed it to Kuki.
this is a nice character moment for mew, gives us a glimpse into her personality. she seems like she's a little scatterbrained mostly just making snap decisions about what'll be most fun for kuki at the moment without really viewing the situation holistically—like oh, maybe it would be fun for kuki to tag along, but oh she probably doesn't want to do work so she can just hang out while i pick berries, but oh she's bored so maybe it would be okay for her to help after all.

She saw a large man wielding a trowel stomping towards her. With his spottled, faded overalls and straw hat, he resembled the farmers she’d seen on some of her shows.
hmm, not sure about the bold here.

“I don’t see your name on it.” Just to be sure, she glanced back at the trunk. Sure enough, there weren’t any names on it.
looool. i love this, so sassy and also so clueless.

Kuki knew was nothing a human could do once caught in Mew’s psychic restraints,
*knew that there was nothing a human could do...?

It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and the things she saw in shows with her toy bricks.
i don't really understand the latter part of this sentence. maybe:
It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and use her toy bricks act out the things she saw in shows.​

“I’m sorry … I was just trying to help. I wanted to bring those huge berries because I thought you’d like them”
dropped a period at the end here.

Her eyes glowed so she could Kuki’s leg.
missing a word here?

*mew's paw?

It marveled her just how quickly it was.
* quick? or "how quickly it was healed"?

“Okay!” Kuki lowered her arms and noticed one of the bubbles Mew was carrying had something strange in it. She widened her eyes for a moment and snorted. “You actually brought the tree with you?”

‘You looked like you wanted it, so I picked it up.’
omg, hahaha. i guess mew has no regard for the law. does she understand the law? it didn't seem like kuki had a good sense of how property works, at least.

A normal person could barely tell Mew apart from her illusory copies, but Kuki could recognize the real Mew easily. After spending thirteen years of her life with Mew, it had become instinct for her to recognize the very faint difference in the pink shade Mew had compared to her clones. The real Mew was also warmer whenever Kuki hugged her
hmmm, you say the copy is illusory but then suggest it's huggable (and that it could eat berries). does it have a physical form, or is it just an illusion?

While combing her hair in front of the mirror, she noticed a strange black feather sitting on top of the drawer. Curious, Kuki reached her to pick it up, but it disintegrated into nothing just before she could touch it.
oh my god no...

“Is it curry? fried poffins? Oh, are we having steamed potatoes again?!
"fried" wants to be capitalized, and it looks like you forgot the closing quote.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Kuki said absentmindedly.

Mew raised her brows then laughed. ‘Of course, there are all sorts of things.’

“Really? Like what?”

‘Well for instance… I can’t keep up with a hyper energetic girl like you!’

“Haha, I haven’t heard that one before!”
this is so cute. i'm loving their banter.

“Alright! I sure can’t wait to grow up! I am so, so excited!”
stop 😭

Mew shapeshifted into an Audino and scooped Kuki up in her arms.
hmm, you capitalize audino here but didn't capitalize lotad before

Mew pressed her ear against Kuki’s chest and pursed her lips.
i had a hard time imagining this—does mew have lips?

A wave of relief washed over Mew like a tidal wave.
the repetition of "wave" here didn't really work for me—maybe "Relief washed over mew like a tidal wave."

Luminous pink veins spread all around Kuki’s body from her chest.
very nice imagery.

“Mew…” Kuki said, whimpering.

Mew smiled and lightly stroked Kuki’s forehead with her tail. ‘What’s wrong, Kuki? Did you have a nightmare?’

“Mmmhmm.”

‘Everything’s okay now, Kuki. I’m here for you. I’m here,’ Mew said, smiling weakly. She hummed Kuki a lullaby and waited till she made sure Kuki had gone back to sleep. Only then did she too drift off.
omg i can't 😭
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. custom/moka-mark
  2. solrock
Hey Adam, finally making my way to your rebooted Chapter 1.

I think this chapter does a nice job combining beats from the previous versions of the chapters I'd read before--it gets off the ground a little faster. Mew's protective tendencies make a lot of sense when we know the Kuki's life seems to dangle on a thread and Mew is the only thing keeping her going for this long.

The argument with the farmer was much more effective this time, showing how Kuki doesn't understand how the world works at all. His anger feels justified--from his perspective, she's willfully trying to make him mad. I do wish we had some indication earlier that they were on a farm, though, or whether Kuki strayed onto the farm. Like, even if she doesn't understand how private property works, surely she's seen the difference between the random ways things in a forest grow versus the neat and controlled way an orchard grows. Plus there might be distant sounds of tractors, cars on the highway, farm animals pokemon, etc.

Taking the tree for the road was funny, though! I liked that that moment. A good show of Mew's power and her disregard for human things. Except for Kuki! She wants her to have a nice tree! I wonder why Mew is so attached to this one human. Surely there are a lot of sick humans out there, so it can't just be that. I'm sure there will be an explanation down the line--it doesn't have to be now--but I am curious.

Within minutes she’d been bored out of her mind, and so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms.
Sounds so fun.

I'm surprised she doesn't have any inclination to climb trees, do somersaults, or look for wild pokemon here. Even if these are things that Mew would forbid her from, the thought should at least cross her mind. Or maybe she should at least have a book? Could be that Mew is nagging her to study more (though I'm a little unclear what either of them expects or hopes for Kuki's future) or it could be a fun book. Either way, it wouldn't be hard to imagine her losing interest in the book and begging to help pick berries.

"Against" reads weirdly here. Maybe around or over instead?
It hovered in the air and landed next to Mew, who hummed while dancing with a handful of other berries floating around her; they too danced to her rhythm.
Hahaha, very cute image!

the berry juice around Mew’s mouth made it look like she’d done a shoddy job at make-up.
Might want to specify: a shoddy job at applying lipstick, not just makeup.

plucking whatever berries she could reach from her height.
Edited the quote above--you can remove those words.

she spotted a tree with several ripe looking berries nearby
*ripe-looking

Kuki held her hand over her mouth and ogled at them.
I'm almost positive it's just "ogled them," since the definition of the word includes "to look at." You stare at a tree or you ogle the tree.

Kuki’s heart raced with every step that brought her closer to the berries.
It wasn't clear why her heart was racing here. Would be good to add a sentence to the effect of "she knew Mew wouldn't want her going off on her own ... and that was exactly why it was so exciting."

She saw a large man wielding a trowel stomping towards her.
I don't love the bold text for emphasis. I found it distracting. The real problem is that you've got two -ing verbs right next to each other in this sentence, and that makes it hard to know where the emphasis is supposed to be.

Suggestion: A large man with a trowel stomped towards her.

get the hell out of my farm or I swear——”
Accidental double em dash here. Also, "out of my farm" hits my ear weirdly. I feel like it should either be "off my farm" or maybe "out of my berry patch" or "out of my orchard."

let alone one as frightening as that one.
*let alone one as frightening as him.

I think you could do more to play up what makes him frightening! You've given us a description of his clothes, but it makes him sound kinda cute and harmless because he's so cartoonishly on-the-nose a farmer. It would help to emphasize things like ... a vein bulging in his neck as he's screaming? How tall he is compared to her? (Head and shoulders taller than her? Double her height?) Does he do something menacing with the trowel?

and she flinched when his gaze turned even fiercer than before just as she did.
This was hard to parse. It reads like his gaze turns fiercer and then hers turns fiercer, but I don't think that's what you mean. Try rewriting this sentence so the order than events happen matches the ordering of the sentence.

Come with kid, I’ll be having a word with your parents at the station,”
Come with me*?

Seems like he should be asking where her parents are before he gets here. Also, this implies that he'd be taking her to the police station? Suss as hell for a grown man to drive a child whose parents are ??? anywhere, TBH. Better plan to try to find her parents first or just call the cops.

So, Kuki turned to flee, only to trip on a rock as she kicked her legs forward. Kuki yelped and face-planted onto the ground.
Lol, that went well!

Pain erupted from her ankle,
I'm not sure about "erupted." It makes me think of a gushing wound. Maybe instead "cut through her ankle"? It also might be good to see here, rather than later, that she can't put weight on it.

Kuki’s contracted again,
The noun you're referring to is far enough away that I don't remember what it was. Kuki's ... ?

then he dropped with a painful groan.
"Painful" is a little head-hoppy here. Is the groaning painful or the landing, first of all, and second of all, how would Kuki know?

Suggestion: he dropped with a thump and let out a groan.

As Mew entered the bubble she was in to embrace her,
Suggestion: As Mew entered Kuki's bubble to embrace her,

She moved her leg a little before a burning pain raced up her ankle.
"Before" makes them sound like unrelated actions.

Suggestion: She moved her leg a little, and pain immediately raced up her ankle.

“Okay fine, it hurts. Mew, please heal me,”
Comma should be a period!

After spending thirteen years of her life with Mew, it had become instinct for her to recognize the very faint difference in the pink shade Mew had compared to her clones. The real Mew was also warmer whenever Kuki hugged her, not to mention she also smelled a bit like Lum berries. Unsurprising. Lum berries were Mew’s favorite, and she didn’t share with her copies.
Calling them clones + the emphasis on warmth smell (although good details!) made me wonder how real these copies were. Like, is this double team, or something more substantial? By the end of the tree planting, it was cleared up, but in this moment it gave me pause.

‘Dadan! You guessed it right.
I might italicize dadan since it's an onomatopoeia (and a variant I don't see often, tadah being more common where I live).

Mew raised her brows then laughed. ‘Of course, there are all sorts of things.’

“Really? Like what?”

‘Well for instance… I can’t keep up with a hyper energetic girl like you!’
Haha, cute,

I'm questioning "hyper" though. It feels a little too modern and human for Mew. If anything it might be "a hyperactive, energetic girl," but it's redundant. Hyper as short for hyperactive sounds childish and, again, too human, and so does hyper as a modifier of energetic.

Mew tilted her head sideways. ‘A kite? Like the one in that lotad prince show?’

“It’s Lotus Prince, not lotad!” Kuki corrected passionately.

Mew swayed her tail back and forth with a smile. ‘Sorry, I can’t seem to ever get the name right.’

“You know… you kinda remind me of the fairy queen from the show.”

‘Do I? What’s the fairy queen like?’ Mew asked, her curiosity piqued.
Cute. And this is a good hint at what Mew gets out of this arrangement: she worries about Kuki and sees herself as a motherly figure, but in a lot of ways, they're on the same page! They're both having fun.

‘Oh, whoops. Sorry about that. You know how it is. I have to go around helping all sorts of folks around the globe, making sure everything’s going well and we’re all getting along. Most of the time I just go to have fun though.” Mew smiled giddily as though recalling a funny, then her smile grew faint. “But a lot of what I do is still too dangerous to bring a delicate human like you, Kuki. I mean, you almost got in trouble with that human earlier and even got hurt too!’
This was a little heavy-handed and expository. A little too "as we both know," which made it feel unnatural as dialogue. Can you shift this to exposition instead?

Mew sighed and clenched her paws
If she has catlike or doglike paws, there's nothing to clench, really. Cats can stretch their paws (extending their claws) and dogs can knuckle-walk when there's a problem with their paws, but clenching isn't really a thing they can do like that. I think you could call them hands instead of paws, and I'd buy it: Mew could have a catlike face and little monkey hands or squirrel hands. Or, you could sub in a more animal-like show of concern, like switching her tail back and froth or flattening her ears.

Mew curled against Kuki to bask in her body warmth, and listen to the ambience of the girl’s dreaming mind.
Aw, nice detail.

No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand.
The wording in this section was a little funky.

Suggestion: Mew knew to be on the lookout for one of Kuki's episodes now, but they always came on without warning.

I also thought it was weird that she wasted time looking for vital signs at all instead of just blasting her with magic. Like, does getting a pulse change her healing tactic? Probably not, right?

Cheers and good luck on your next chapter!
 

Flaze

Don't stop, keep walking
Location
Chile
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. infernape
Here for catnip!

I was honestly pleasantly surprise to find this, I hadn't read the past iteration of this story but I do remember seeing the title before, guess that explains my initial reaction of "this has one chapter? Haven't I seen the title before"

But anyways, I found the first chapter to be equal parts endearing and unsettling. I'll get into that last part later but first I want to point out how well you sell Kuki as a character and Mew's relationship with her and how the two communicate. Interpretations of Mew tend to come off as childish and overly innocent so it was nice to see one where she takes on a more motherly role, especially in a story that really tries to explore her personality and connections. It's interesting because I get the feeling that Mew is a very lonely being, constantly by itself and always trying to hide, so it's nice to see that explored more here.

Kuki is also very interesting on her own, I like that her age is left ambiguous throughout most of the story with the initial paragraphs showing us that she's not exactly a kid, only for her interactions with the farmer and later events at the lighthouse to contradict that and make it feel like she's still very much a little kid. The eventual reveal that she's thirteen years old made me do a double-take because it drives home the fact that Kuki's kind of stagnated, a result of living her life sheltered in the lighthouse by Mew, tied to her childhood.

All of that built up a certain sense of dread because it made me wonder if there was something more going on. Why is Mew taking care of Kuki? Why is she so sheltered like this? That combined with Mew's somewhat...abrupt response towards the farmer was a great way of clueing me into the fact that there was more than met the eye.

But I'll get to that last reveal later, for now. Some line by lines:

Studying her textbooks was an option too…. No, doing that last one was even more boring than sitting around in front of a tree.

I can definetily relate to this, but I really like how you tell us in one sentence that Kuki is both energetic and someone that likes to move around a lot, so the prospect of sitting still just doesn't do it for her.

It resembled a spike ball, if the spikes had all been hammered till they became round bumps.

For a moment I thought she was gonna bite into it or something lol

Kuki stifled a chuckle because the berry juice around Mew’s mouth made it look like she’d done a shoddy job at make-up.

Here I actually wanna clear something that was also pretty hard to tell at the start. I don't know if you did it on purpose or not but it was hard for me to figure out that Kuki was actually a human from the earlier paragraphs. I don't know, that might've just been a me thing.

After wandering about for a bit, she spotted a tree with several ripe looking berries nearby. Kuki held her hand over her mouth and ogled at them. She turned around to inform Mew, but stopped short before saying anything. What if she went and got them all by herself? Mew would shower her with praise and tell her how proud she was, then they’d go on more outings together! Excited by the thought, she quietly sneaked away while Mew was focused on reaching for a particularly tall branch.

This paragraph gives us enough detail on Kuki's and Mew's relationship to figure out how close they really are, especially with the fact that Mew takes on a more motherly role towards her, as opposed to the more friendly vibes that earlier paragraphs gave out.

“I don’t see your name on it.” Just to be sure, she glanced back at the trunk. Sure enough, there weren’t any names on it. “Can’t we just share? I can take half of them and you can take the other half. It’s not much, really.”

Kuki you're too young to talk about democracy.

“Holy crap, how old even are you?! You know what? I don’t have time for this. Come with kid, I’ll be having a word with your parents at the station,” the man said, his scowl now mixed with annoyance.

An example of how you leave Kuki's age to be a bit of a "Mystery" at this point in the story. I like it, really made me think.

Kuki’s contracted again, and Mew appeared in front of her as a gothorita.

Okay, I actually wondered while reading it about what Mew did to keep herself hidden from humans, but I forgot she could just transform like this. Though that does make me wonder why she just doesn't go around in other forms just in case.

Mew glanced at the farmer and her eyes flashed blue for a second. In that moment, the man fell on his face, limp and unconscious.

As Mew entered the bubble she was in to embrace her, Kuki stared back at the farmer. He would probably wake up later, and would not remember anything that happened that day. She’d have wanted to at least apologize. Kuki grimaced and held onto Mew. A second later, they were gone without a trace.

This point in the story was when I first wondered if there was something "wrong" here, if only because Mew's reaction felt a little excessive. I get that Kuki is technically like her child and she was protecting her, but considering that Mew is pretty self-aware on her role and powers it was a bit strange for her to take that reaction. Not saying it was wrong, the opposite actually because it acts as good build up.

The long-range teleportation brought with it a dizziness Kuki still hadn’t gotten used to, even after experiencing it a bunch of times. She sighed in relief when it wore off. They were back at home sweet home. Nothing could quite compare to the coziness of their room. Her bed was tucked away at one corner while her mirrored dresser, shelves, and television sat adjacent to it. The rest of the room’s space was mostly for recreational purposes. It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and build models of the things she saw in shows with her toy bricks.

I like the claustrophobic feeling that this paragraphs gives us. It tells us how sheltered Kuki's days are when she doesn't go out with Mew and is another hint at the "special circumstances" surrounding their relationship.

Curious, Kuki reached her to pick it up, but it disintegrated into nothing just before she could touch it.

I think you meant reached out here.

“In the show it looked like we can make a kite out of some light paper, and with these sticks… Oh, don’t forget the strings to tie them up together!”

Could?

Mew sprang up and jerked her head towards Kuki. Maybe it was just her imagination? She pressed her paws against Kuki’s neck and cheek. Cold. Much too cold. Was Kuki already…? How could that be? Mew whimpered. No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand.

And here, you finally pull the wool off our eyes and shows us just what exactly is wrong here. It's not that Mew is doing anything or the like but that Kuki has a health condition apparently? It still makes me wonder how the two met, what exactly happens to Kuki during the night that Mew has to give her life energy to her and it also contextualizes why Mew is so protective of her and tries to be around Kuki as much as possible. It's really intriguing and I'll be very interested in learning more as the story progresses.

Luminous pink veins spread all around Kuki’s body from her chest. Every minute that passed drained a great deal of energy from Mew. The next ten minutes agonized Mew, and every second that passed drained her even further.

At long last, warmth steadily returned to Kuki’s body. Shortly after, Mew saw the girl’s chest rising and falling with every breath. Mew bestowed more of her power to Kuki a while longer, just in case. After that, she withdrew her paws and slumped over Kuki with a groan. The glow of her paws and Kuki’s veins faded, bringing darkness back to their room once more.

I already said my piece about the reveal above but I also want to highlight that the closing paragraphs do a great job of showing us how much Mew worries about Kuki and it highlights both her loneliness and fear at losing her child, it's heart-wrenching stuff.
 

kintsugi

golden scars
Location
waiting for the fog to roll out
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. custom/booper-kintsugi
Adam! Most of my thoughts went through in the beta, but I like the new ground the new opening here! I think breaking out a few of the scenes where Mew and Kuki get to hang out helps make their relationship feel a lot more genuine and easy to grasp, and the farmer seems a lot more reasonable now that we get to see the argument build up a little more. The ending got tweaked since last I saw it, and you do a good job of portraying Mew's anxiety and emotion here--it's a little less methodical and more "shitshitshit", which lets you get away with not having her explain as much.

Overall I still think this is a really interesting concept, and I love this little friendship that you're painting between this ancient deity of creation and smol dumb child. Who would win?? The answer is not as clear as we might think, lol. It's a very wholesome friendship, and I like the extra details you've added here about how Mew is coddling Kuki--they work their way in more subtly this time around, I think, and we get to see more of how Mew's good intentions are probably not resulting in the best outcomes, but there's logic behind her actions. My favorite details of this chapter were the different sauces on the potatoes lol--kind of a mundane thing but it helps set the scene a little.

some tiny line edits/commentary:
Within minutes she’d been bored out of her mind, and so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms. She took a bite from it when boredom kicked in and began wondering what to do when they got back home.
I wonder why her first guess here is to sit patiently? Maybe she'd run around or try to climb a tree (but Mew would probably stop her).
She could never not be amazed by how Mew was able to carry so many things without so much as raising a finger.
I wonder if she thinks that all adults can do this, or just Mew? Seeing as she doesn't really have much experience with anyone else outside of their home.
No need., I’ve got it all covered.
Extra comma here. God, your beta is stupid.
Mew glanced at an empty sack, then drew it towards herself and handed it to Kuki.
I was curious why she needed to draw the sack towards herself and then hand it over if she's got telekinesis.
“I don’t care who you are, get the hell out of my farm or I swear——”
I do love em dashes but two here is overkill.
Come with kid, I’ll be having a word with your parents at the station
Dropped a word. Fire your beta, jesus.

(Should also be two sentences: "Come with me, kid. I'll be having a word with your parents at the station.")
“Okay fine, it hurts. Mew, please heal me,”
Comma instead of period at the end here.
Mew brought a paw to her chin and looked the other way. ‘Oh, but should I? I’m not sure.’
This felt a little manipulative! Like, Kuki's not actively in pain, but it feels a bit cruel to withhold treatment from someone and I don't know if I'd parse that as a joke. Which I know it's meant to be, since the rest of the chapter shows that Mew loves Kuki very much, but this is kind of unhealthy! It's using food for rewards/punishments with kids--this tends to instill some very bad mindsets later.
(Which, honestly, might be the Point!)
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Here for Catnip!

A lot of what works about your writing is still very evident in this new reboot. Your style and character interactions are cute and charming, and I like the expanded look you give to Mew and Kukui's relationship. that new ending scene was particularly effective. Overall this is once again a solid first chapter.

But.

The experience is... Kinda dampened by the fact that this is a "once again" and that revisions aside I've read this same chapter like four times now? Like. I saw I got you for Catnip, got supoer excited to read more Kukui's tale, then was instantly immediately dejected when I realized I... wasn't actually going to be able to read more. Just that first chapter over again.

And I hate being mean or harsh in reviews but: This is frustrating. It'sd not good for you. Or your story. You don't have to take everyone else's feedback as a sign you should tear everything down and start over every single time. That's not what they want. Believe in yourself. Believe in your writing. It's good!

Chapter 1 is still enjoyable despite all this. I just really hope i get to see a Chapter 2.
 

canisaries

voted most likely to be edgy
Location
the middle of nowhere
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. custom/inkay-shirlee
Hey there! I was excited to get this fic assigned as I'd been wondering what the edits you'd talked about were like. I was initially worried that it wouldn't be that different and I wouldn't have enough to say, but turns out reading something a year or two after the first time is a pretty fresh experience. That, and you have made notable changes compared to some things I remember. More on that later - first off, some quote comments.

‘No need., I’ve got it all covered.
Stray comma or period, your choice.

“I don’t see your name on it.” Just to be sure, she glanced back at the trunk.
lol

“Can’t we just share? I can take half of them and you can take the other half. It’s not much, really.”
nooo kuki dont suggest communism to a redneck theyre gonna tear you to shreds!!

or dare i say... commewnism?

So, Kuki turned to flee, only to trip on a rock as she kicked her legs forward.
It took me a very long time before I realized what you likely meant by "kicked her legs forward" - I imagined her literally kicking at the air in front of her rather than kicking backwards at the ground, and you can probably imagine how confusing the first interpretation was to visualize.

Mew glanced at the farmer and her eyes flashed blue for a second. In that moment, the man fell on his face, limp and unconscious.
MIB (mews in black)

The red one’s Tamato berry sauce, the blue one’s Yache and the green one’s Lum berry flavored.
you take the blue sauce, the story ends - you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. you take the red sauce, you stay in wonderland and I show you how deep the raboot hole goes. you take the green sauce and you become an environmentalist

A second later, an identical copy of Mew hovered next to her.
Yooo this is one cool power, although I'm immediately curious about the details. Is Mew consciously piloting multiple bodies at the same time, or do the bodies function like she would individually and cannot share memories or experiences among each other until recalled or self-terminated? I hope my description makes sense.

---

So there are three main changes that I notice, and they're all for the better. The first two were fixes to issues I brought up in my review for the initial version - the farmer character and Kuki hurting her leg. This time the farmer reads like a realistic person while still being a clear narrative threat, and there are no continuity problems with Kuki's leg. This makes me very glad to see as it feels like my critique has mattered and helped you and the story out.

The third and last change is the switch to Mew's POV for the last scene instead of showing Kuki's nightmare. I can't recall well what I had to say about the nightmare before - I remember thinking it was cool, but I may have possibly remarked on how it's a little detached from the rest of the chapter. This new scene definitely feels more in place as it is a pretty smooth continuation of the events happening rather than a switch to a completely new scenario. It's also much more interesting to me to get a peek into Mew's thoughts, and Kuki's body's going cold is scary in a subtler way than what happened in the nightmare from the other version (can't remember how exactly it went, but I think it was quite dramatic).

Something I probably mentioned in the previous version already was that Kuki's very believable as a child character. I'm still not perfectly sure how old she is, but she feels rather young, like below ten. Some of her dialogue with Mew came across a little unnatural to me, but then again that does make sense if she's watched a lot of TV and not really interacted with anyone other than Mew. Either way, her relationship with Mew is very sweet.

I don't remember if the black feather was there in the version I read before and whether I noticed it or not, but I think it serves as a good subtle hint towards Yveltal as the perp behind the nightly near-deaths. Mew's reaction to those also makes me more interested about her relationship with Yveltal and what the motive or reason behind this phenomenon could be.

That's it for my thoughts. Good luck with writing onward!
 
Chapter 2: Kuki's Play

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. custom/mew-adam
  2. custom/celebi-shiny
  3. custom/roserade-adam
Chapter Two: Kuki's Play


A loud boom knocked a pair of doors flying into the throne room, crashing them into the wall above the lord's throne. Atop it sat a gengar who brandished a grin that displayed only sheer amusement.

A lass adorned in blue, icy armor walked through the cloud of dust kicked up by the storm. She brushed her palm across a bottle strapped to her waist and water slithered out of it to form a crystal-clear blade in her hands.


"So, you've finally made it this far, little princess," the sitting gengar said, his grin only growing wider as he watched her approach.

The armored princess said nothing at first. She took a moment and surveyed her surroundings. The ghost types in the throne room cowered in fear from her freezing gaze. She raised her sword above her head and tightened her grip on its hilt.

"I am no little princess. I am Princess Lapis Lazuli of Aquarius. I have come to bring an end to your reign of terror, Lord Gengar!"

Lord Gengar huffed, and then burst into a laughing fit. "How ridiculous! You, end my reign?!" Lord Gengar rested his head on his palm. "Just because you've managed to take down my four generals, you think you're some big-shot?!"

"So says the king who sits on a chair all day and sacrifices his own subjects to do his bidding," Lapis retorted, with a swing of her sword.

Lord Gengar's wide grin faltered ever so slightly. Ghastly waves of energy pulsed from his body to spread an ominous wind across the throne room. Lapis narrowed her eyes and slashed her blade forward, splitting the approaching darkness in two. The scene then cut to hundreds of water droplets floating around Lapis. Some reflected her image, while the others mirrored Lord Gengar's ever-present toothy grin.


"You will eat those words, stupid girl."

Lord Gengar's stomach split wide open into a second mouth full of serrated teeth and a slender, tapered tongue. He reached inside and pulled out a ghostly blade that shimmered with an eerie purple glow.

Lapis took the initiative: the ground shattered beneath her feet as she bolted, blade in hand, towards Lord Gengar.

Lord Gengar charged to intercept Lapis, and their blades clashed. The impact sent such an intense shockwave that all onlookers were blown away and knocked unconscious.

Lord Gengar smiled wider than ever and cackled. Lapis only steeled her face even further...


'*What are you watching, Kuki?*' Mew asked, hovering up beside her with a yawn.

"Legend of Lazuli," Kuki replied, not taking her eyes off the screen. She was lying over a pillow on the carpet while resting her head on her hands and swinging her legs behind her every now and then. "She can do all sorta cool things with water! Like making water blades, ocean towers, aqua curtains, and so much more, Mew!"

Mew tucked herself beside Kuki with a soft purr. Kuki absent-mindedly moved her palm to pet Mew's fur and scratch the back of her pointy ears, just the way she liked it.

The Legend of Lazuli movie had just gotten to the best part, where Lapis and Lord Gengar had a fierce tooth-and-nail battle in the final act. Purple and blue sparks went flying all over the throne room from their evenly-matched clashes, but it looked like Lapis was gradually gaining the upper hand.

'*When did you get this movie? I don't think we've watched it before.*'

"It was in the pile you brought last month. Already watched it like three times now. It's really good!"

Mew hummed in agreement and yawned again. She swept her tail in front of her and tucked closer to Kuki. Together, they watched the dance of blades between the heroic Lapis and the nefarious Lord Gengar. Both of them had their eyes glued to the screen and immersed in the movie.

'*Humans can make something like this, huh? Why is the girl wearing clothes made of ice?' Mew asked, leaning forward with perked ears. Lapis cartwheeled to dodge Lord Gengar's shadow balls, and flew around the palace halls with flowing water wings. '*And how's she controlling water like that?' muttered Mew. '*What kind of moves are those? Are those even pokemon moves?*'

"It's all done with a thing they call visual effects. I learned some of it from the bonus disk." Kuki tapped her cheek a few times and glanced at Mew.

"Actually, it's kind of like your illusions!" Kuki giggled. "Though the fact that the actors can't actually see any of the cool stuff in the final movie when they're doing all of this is funny." She twirled her hair into curls while recalling the behind the scene's footage, then another detail sprung to her mind.

"Don't you think it's really weird how that gengar is talking like a human though? Kinda creepy…"

Mew's left ear twitched and she raised a brow at Kuki. '*You know there's already pokemon that can do that, right? And I'm one of them?*'

Kuki gasped. "Really?! How come you don't do that then?"

'*Cuz I don't wanna.*' Mew smirked. "Only when I want to mess with someone."

A cold shiver went down Kuki's spine. "Hearing you talk like that is so weird. Feels so wrong…"

Mew held her snout and snorted. '*Of course it sounds weird, Kuki. You've only heard me talk like a pokemon your whole life!*'

"Yeah… what about the other pokemon you know that can talk like me?"

'*Let's see… Oh, I know a good one.*' Mew cleared her throat and sat up. '*One time I met this chatot, funny bird by the way, and he could actually talk just like you. It wasn't much though,*' Mew said, waving her paw sideways. '*He would only repeat the same things he heard from folks passing by over and over. Kinda boring, really.*' She rolled her eyes. '*When I asked him how he learned to talk like humans, can you guess what he said?*'

Kuki shook her head. "What did he say?"

'*He said, 'how else a bird 'sposed get peanuts, huh?!',*' Mew said, bursting into laughter.

"How does that even work?" Kuki asked with a giggle.

'*You tell me.*'

"Oh, can we go and meet him? I wanna teach him new words, and we can give him peanuts too in exchange!"

'*Ah, We can't…. He passed away fifty years ago. I asked the other birds, and it turned out a braviary got him,*' Mew said with a disappointed sigh.

"Awww. Poor chatot."

'*That's just the cycle of life for mortals, Kuki.*'

"The cycle of life?" Kuki went quiet and lowered her eyes, as though contemplating that revelation.

Mew shot up and flailed her arms rapidly. '*Don't worry about it, okay? You're still young and all! Besides, humans can live more than a hundred, so you have plenty of time left!*'

Kuki tilted her head at Mew, confused. She parted her lips slightly before sealing them again. She didn't even know what to say. So, she twirled her hair in her fingers and nodded with a smile, then let her eyes drift back to the TV screen. Mew faked a cough and nestled down closer to Kuki and sighed quietly. They continued to watch Lapis' adventure in awkward silence.

"I wish I could do the kind of stuff Lapis does." Kuki said, flattening herself onto her pillow as the movie credits rolled. "We should try doing something like this in one of our plays too,"

'*Oh, absolutely! I wanna try making my illusions look pretty like that. Maybe I could even come up with new moves!*' Mew exclaimed while pressing her paws against Kuki's shoulder with glittering eyes.

Kuki rolled over onto her back and reached her arm up towards the ceiling, saying, "Let's come up with an idea first! We can't do a play without one!"

'*Oh, come on, can't we just wing it and do whatever comes to mind?*'

"But that won't be nearly as fun. Remember what happened the last time we did that?"

'*Oh, sure the play ended up being about being in space and tiny rock people, and pidgeys with ponyta legs… but it was fun though!*' Mew said with a chuckle.

Kuki pouted. "It got really confusing. And weird. I couldn't keep up!"

'*Alright, alright. Let's go with one of your scripts then,*' Mew said, playfully nuzzling Kuki's arm.

"I'm a bit hungry now though. Can't brainstorm on an empty stomach. I'll do that after breakfast," Kuki said, huffing as she sat up and stretched her arms.

'*Yeah, you're right! I'll go make something for us right away!*' Mew nodded, and blinked out of the room to go to the kitchen.

Kuki smiled at the spot Mew was in just a second ago. She reached for the eject button on the disk player and watched the 'no signal' sign drift across the screen as she returned Legend of Lazuli to its rightful place among her movies collection.




After breakfast, Mew gathered their cereal bowls for the kitchen. It should've been Kuki's turn to do the dishes, but Kuki said she'd got a spark for a script idea and doing anything else might make it slip through her fingers.

Of course, Mew shook her head, knowing Kuki just didn't like doing the dishes. Still, Mew played along.

Mew hummed a tune as she settled the bowls into the sink along with the other unwashed dishes. Mew grimaced. The plates sure were piling up. She flicked a digit and levitated the lot. Next, she took the liquid soap bottle in her paws and took a deep breath.

'*And now, for my next trick I'll make all your stains disappear!*'

Mew opened her mouth, and spewed water while she squeezed soap from the bottle into the stream. One by one Mew slid the dishes into the line of fire as if on a conveyor belt. She spun each one around until they all looked sparkling-clean. Finally, she surrounded herself with the dishes and drew all the moisture to herself like a vaporeon, drying them in seconds.

Just as she placed the last dish on the rack, she heard Kuki's voice from the floor below shouting, "Mew! There's water dripping from the ceiling! Are you using a water gun to clean the dishes again?!"

'*Oh, dear me. I got caught.*' Mew giggled to herself and her eyes glowed. With a bit of concentration, she weaved the water that she'd poured all over the kitchen floor and counters into a large sphere. She smirked. It was almost like she'd become the princess from that movie.

Mew opened a window and sent the water ball flying, straight to the ocean.

With that out of the way, it was time to go check up on Kuki downstairs. Though before leaving the kitchen, Mew flew back to the cereal box, grabbed it, and poured half of the remaining cereal down her mouth. Unlike Kuki, she preferred eating her cereal by itself. Cereal with milk always got soggy after a few minutes, and Mew found that absolutely gross!

'*I'm back. You got anything yet, Kuki?*' Mew said cheerily after teleporting back to the room.

"Still working on it," Kuki replied while nibbling on the other end of her pencil. "Just gotta figure some stuff out…"

'*It's not too late to wing it, you know?*'

"Nu uh!"

Mew chuckled. '*Alright, alright.*'

Mew landed upon Kuki's shoulder and her tail swayed back and forth in a rhythmic motion. A few crumpled paper balls lay around the coffee table beside Kuki's notebook, and Mew purred as she wondered what Kuki had written in them. Mew often liked the ideas Kuki discarded thinking they weren't good enough. As such, it fell upon her to encourage Kuki to give them another chance.

Mew levitated a crumpled page to herself and unfurled it for a look.

'*Anisa and The Magic Marker?*' Mew muttered, reading the title written in bold letters.

Kuki remained focused; her eyes glued to the pages of her notebook. She pursed her lips and tapped the end of her pen against the table every so often before scribbling a few words.

Mew smiled at her. The level of concentration Kuki had whenever they worked on their plays brought pride to her chest. She gave the crumpled page a look once more and read the rest of the contents. A sparkle glinted in Mew's eyes with every word she read.

'*Kuki, I think this idea is fantastic!*' Mew said with a hop. '*A girl with a magic marker? That's so cool and exciting!*'

"I don't know…" Kuki groaned and rested her head on her palm. "I couldn't really come up with a good reason for why she has the marker in the first place."

'*Maybe there doesn't have to be a reason.*' Mew shrugged and swept her tail over Kuki's other shoulder. '*Some things just happen on their own, you know?*'

Mew hovered down the table and gathered the other discarded pages. She unfurled the pages over her face and read them as well. Most of them had more or less the same general premise as the first page she'd picked up, with little tweaks here and there in the details. Clearly Kuki loved the idea of the magic marker itself. One of the pages had Anisa going to the moon to save some carbinks from rapidash bearing pidgeotto wings for some reason… That sounded familiar.

"Getting a magic marker out of nowhere isn't something that just happens," Kuki said, leaning her head on her palm with a pout. "She ought to have gotten it from someone, or somewhere. And I need to know what the marker even does. It's supposed to be magical, but in what way? What can she do and what can't she do with it?"

'*Maybe she got the marker from a friend!*'

"Then I'd have to know where the friend got the marker from too." Kuki pushed against the coffee table with a tired sigh and laid on her back with her arm over her face.

Mew floated to Kuki's notebook and stared at the open page. '*I don't think it matters where she got the marker from. She already has it, so let her do what she wants with it.*'

"Hmm, maybe you're right."

'*Yeah! Let's figure out what the marker even does. We can work our way from there. *'

"Alright, let's see. Umm..." Kuki sat up, crossed her legs and wore her focused face again.

Mew brought a paw to her chin, stroking it. As her gaze drifted around the room, it fell upon a painting she'd gotten for Kuki's ninth birthday. It depicted a berry-filled basket on an open field. The way they painted the sky in purple and orange hues in the painting amused Mew back then. She figured Kuki would like it too, hence giving it to her as a present. When she stared at the painting long enough, faint glimmers of ideas cropped up in her mind.

'*Oh, Kuki, Kuki!*' Mew began, eagerly tapping Kuki's arm with her paws. '*What if Anisa had a magic paintbrush instead of a marker! I think there's a lot more fun we can have with that!*'

"A magic paintbrush?" Kuki tilted her head, then her eyes mirrored Mew's sparks. "Oh… Oh! I like that! Yeah. Let's go with that!"

'*Hooray! We did it!*' Mew said, throwing a fist into the air. '*Now we're getting somewhere!*'

Kuki giggled. She hummed a tune to herself, stared at the TV screen, and then at her movie shelf. "Hey, what if Anisa got the paintbrush from the uhm… Great Color Spirit?"

Mew crawled up into Kuki's arms as she listened. "Maybe she needs it for some grand quest or something like that?"

'*Oooooh, what next then?*' Mew chirped. '*Keep going Kuki! What is her quest going to be all about?!*'

Kuki twirled her hair awkwardly and fell into thought. She leaned forward and pulled her notebook close. Mew left her arms and sat next to the book, watching carefully as Kuki sketched a few things with her crayons and color pencils. Kuki first drew a few circles representing a colorful planet, coupled with the sun and moon with smiling faces.

"What if a long time ago, there was a world that lived in color and harmony, but then…"

She moved her finger to the next drawing, which looked like a paper clip looming over the planet, and then the next drawing had that same colorful planet looking drab and monochrome.

'*Oh, I think I get it. The evil paperclip, jealous of the colorful world, took matters into their own hands!*' Mew said, spreading her arms wide and standing on her hind legs to look imposing. She sat back down and lowered her ears. '*So, they took all the colors and now everyone is sad.*'

"Yeah, sorta. That's what I was getting at maybe," Kuki said with a giggle.

'*Where does Anisa come in?*'

"I was thinking… what if The Great Color Spirit gave Anisa the magic paintbrush, because Anisa has a bright heart and only she can restore color to the world and stop the evil Paperclippa!"

Mew snorted. '*Paperclippa?*'

"I'm not good at naming things!"

'*Paperclippa is silly, but I like it.*'

"Heh…"

And so, they spent most of that afternoon around the coffee table, bouncing one idea after another off each other. Soon, Kuki had her script. They eventually planned out the play in four parts and did one part each day.




Kuki and Mew spent time in the courtyard on the fourth day of their play. With the afternoon sun hanging overhead, it was as good a time as any to her to work.

Kuki held her journal in hand and perched a pencil on her ear. Her eyes went back and forth between the drawings in her journal and the environment Mew was in the process of conjuring up with her illusions.

"Hmmmm, make that rock just a biiiiit taller."

Mew nodded and went about shifting the boulder's size, then she glanced back at Kuki to see if she got it right. Kuki squinted her eyes at the boulder and tapped her cheek repeatedly. She shook her head.

"A little bit more to the left!"

Kuki bounced on her toes while Mew shifted the boulder across the ground.

"Oh, hold on… Can you make it a smidge taller again?"

Mew sighed, then dragged the top half of the boulder up with a wave of her paw like it was made of putty.

"Alright! That looks great. Up next, we need to finish the walkway that will take Anisa to The Color Splash Portal."

Kuki held the journal over her face and traced a finger over the drawing showing a hoop. The hoop floated above a platform and had squiggly lines drawn around it representing the colors of a rainbow. The drawing looked amateurish and hard to fully decipher, but it mattered little since Mew always made things look way better for Kuki once she brought them to life.

'*How's this look now?*' Mew asked, weaving around the completed construct. With her personal touches thrown into the mix, she made the hoop golden in color and adorned it with pointy ends on four sides, each bearing gems of different sparkly colors. Something about the hoop struck Kuki as familiar, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

'*I gave it an extra oomph! It's a lot prettier now.*' Mew said, swinging her paw with a giggle. '*Do you like it?*'

"Whoa! That looks so much cooler than what I had in my head! It's perfect, Mew!" Kuki's eyes glowed as bright as the golden hoop itself, and her heart rushed with excitement.

'*Lovely! Now it's time to get your costume ready.*' Mew teleported next to Kuki. She placed a paw over Kuki's shoulder to bathe her clothes in a blue glow, changing Kuki into her play costume. '*There we go.*'

Kuki stretched her arm out and smiled with glittering eyes and fancying how airy and loose her long shirt was. The outfit came decorated in blots of colorful pastel colors, and her hair even got two streaks of blue paint running across them.

Next, Kuki held up a stick and Mew turned into the paintbrush for their play. To finish things off, Kuki strapped up the rucksack Anisa owned in the play, finally readying herself to play her role.

Mew squealed, her tail swishing back and forth. '*I'm so very excited for this epic finale!*'

"Me too! Come on, let's get this show on the road now!" Kuki bounced on her tip toes and grinned while waving her brush around and dripping paint everywhere.

Mew giggled once more. She nodded and then her appearance dissolved before Kuki's eyes. A wall of red curtains surrounded her, followed by the sound of trumpets playing. Kuki's eyes glimmered with excitement. "This part never gets old," she whispered to herself.

When the curtains reopened, the entire scenery around Kuki had changed. No longer was she in the courtyard of their island, and instead Kuki stood in a rocky environment where a single translucent marble bridge led up to an altar where The Color Splash Portal lay in its pristine majestic glory.

Kuki took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She readied her mind and shifted her thinking to take on a new identity for the play. Kuki had become Anisa, Bearer of The Magic Paintbrush.




Thunder rumbled and lightning crackled in the dark clouds overhead. Puddles splashed beneath Anisa's sandals as she made her way up the slippery rocky path. She panted and pushed on, all the while keeping a firm grip on her magic paintbrush. More than once her sandals skidded on the slick path, but her companion, Smeargle, always made an effort to keep her on her feet.

'*You really should watch your feet, Anisa!*' Smeargle said with a growl.

"Sorry, I can't help it! This road is just so slippery!" Anisa replied with a groan. They paused and Anisa scanned the environment. "Where's the chroma bridge? I can feel it nearby, but I don't see it anywhere."

'*Remember what Maya told us. See not with your eyes, but with your heart,*' Smeargle said, though her blank expression made it hard to tell what she made of it.

"You're right. Though…"

The black rocky terrain seemed to stretch infinitely before them. That smelled suspicious. Perhaps Anisa needed to forge her own path. She swung her brush in a downwards arc, creating a glowing line of blue paint that dispelled an invisible wall in their way. When the wall split apart, a glimmering crystal bridge made itself known to them. Sitting at the very end of it was the color splash portal.

"Smeargle, I knew it! The portal really is here!" Anisa said, bouncing up and down with excitement. She thwacked the end of her brush on the ground and sighed in relief.

'*Excellent work, Anisa. Our journey nears its end now.*'

"Indeed. Wait, hold on…" Anisa furrowed her brows, and she scanned the environment warily. "Something isn't right. Where's Paperclippa?"

As she said that, a metal pole fell from the sky and pierced the ground behind Anisa and Smeargle. It twisted and folded up into shapes to vaguely resemble a paper clip with a sinister face.

'*LOOKING FOR ME?!*'

"Paperclippa!" Anisa held a palm over her chest and frowned. "I knew you'd be lurking around here! Guess you didn't learn your lesson from last time!"

Smeargle joined in and glared at him. 'Give up, Paperclippa! We'll restore the world's colors and undo your harm. You'd be foolish to try and stop us now.'

'*Yeah, that would be a real shame… but not if I reach it first!*' Paperclippa cackled, untangling his body to slither towards them like an ekans.

"Oh no you won't!" Anisa raised her brush and hurriedly painted a cobblestone wall in his path. To her surprise however, Paperclippa sprung right over it and landed behind them. He then turned into a wheel and bolted onwards to the bridge.

'*Anisa, we can't let him get away!*'

Anisa frowned and got to work with her paintbrush again to create a vehicle resembling a venipede. She wasted no time and got into the driver's seat then looked back at Smeargle. "Hop in, quick!"

'*I suppose that will have to do,*' Smeargle said with a sigh, getting into the passenger seat and fastening her seat belt. '*You do know how to use this thing, right?*'

"There's a first time for everything!" With a grin, Anisa stepped on the throttle and they surged up the bridge with rainbow glitter exhaust in their wake.

Paperclippa heard them coming and shrieked at the incoming car. He flattened itself against the side of the bridge, narrowly avoiding getting run over. His body clanged angrily as the car sped past and drifted to a stop.

'*Watch where you're driving, buffoons!*' Paperclippa said, shaking one of his appendages.

"Count yourself lucky I didn't flatten you like a pancake!" Anisa said with a scoff.

'*Now we've got you cornered with nowhere to go!*' Smeargle chimed in.

'*Oh boohoo. What am I to do now?*' Paperclippa said with exaggerated motions.

Anisa narrowed her eyes at him and held her brush closer.

'*Be careful, Anisa. He's up to something. I can tell.*'

"Whatever you're planning, it's not like you can stop us by yourself. It's two against one!"

'*Don't be so sure,*' Paperclippa said with a widening grin. Then, he struck his metallic core and released an ear-piercing screech.

Anisa shrieked and clasped her hands over her ears, whereas Smeargle gritted her teeth and struggled to remain alert. While the two were distracted, a swift shadow darted past them and snatched Anisa's paintbrush right out of her arms.

"No! My paintbrush!"

'*Haha! Now it's all mine!*' Paperclippa said as he took the brush from the living paper crane, who turned to face Anisa with his face that was crudely drawn on with crayons.

'*Excellent work, Melvin!*'

'*Aye, aye, sir!*'

"Give it back!" Anisa said, trying to rush forward only to be stopped by Smeargle.

'*Stop! You can't do anything against him like that!*' Smeargle warned as she got in front of Anisa and drew out her paintbrush tail. '*We need to be careful now.*'

'*You two sure caused me a lot of trouble with this silly toy,*' Paperclippa said, swinging the brush around in disdainful amusement. '*Not feeling so tough without it now, are you?*'

Anisa frowned and her fists trembled beside her. "So, what if you have it? You can't even use it anyway!"

'*I don't want to use it,*' Paperclippa grinned again, and then handed the brush back to Melvin. He laughed. '*Take this brush far far away from here!*'

"No! Don't!"

Despite Anisa's cries, Melvin took off on his wings and flew quickly in the other direction. Smeargle growled and stepped forward, armed with her tail, but Paperclippa charged at her with a stab before she could even do anything. Forced to counter, Smeargle swung her tail to form a barrier. Paperclippa grinned at her from the other side, which she reciprocated with a frown.

'*Anisa, get to the splash portal! I'll hold him off!*'

"But I don't have my paintbrush!"

Paperclippa locked eyes with her and cackled. '*You heard her right, Smeargle! She's nothing without her precious brush!*'

'*Just go!*' Smeargle yelled.

Anisa's heart drummed in time with her racing thoughts. Reluctantly, she took slow steps backwards and then kicked off with a sprint.

So began the final part of the play. Anisa had to reach the portal where she would be at a loss on what to do, then Paperclippa would arrive with a defeated Smeargle and declare his intent to destroy the portal and keep the world monochrome for good. It would be then that Anisa would awaken her true powers and surge the portal to life.

At Anisa's beckon, brilliant lights of all hues will erupt from the portal and restore color to the world everywhere. At the end of it, Anisa will confront Paperclippa one last time and…


Kuki kept thinking about the outcome, getting more and more excited as she ran up the bridge. Her heart drummed faster and faster with each step she took, and she could even feel a powerful warmth rising from her chest. Kuki flinched when her surroundings began to glow in a strange light. Strange black letters with eyeballs began to slip out of her chest, and an unsettling cold shiver ran down Kuki's spine with each one that left her body.

None of that had been part of the play. Kuki began to slow down in worry, but then the floating letters vanished in a second. The moment they were gone, Kuki's surroundings twisted and mangled before her eyes.

Kuki blinked. When she opened her eyes again, the color splash portal appeared right in front of her face. She only had a moment to gasp before crashing hard into the structure. It shattered into pink wisps of light from the collision. Kuki tumbled and fell on the platform with a groan. She wondered what was going on anymore. Why did Mew teleport her? Kuki's environment started glowing again, and there came the rising heat from her chest again accompanied by a dizzy spell.

Piece by piece the platform of the altar cracked, until it shattered all at once, sending her hurtling towards the ocean. Kuki tried to shriek, but couldn't even muster any strength for it. Her eyes grew heavier and heavier in her free fall. She closed her eyes, then everything went dark.




Kuki opened her eyes with a startled gasp and promptly sat up. The wave of nausea and throbbing headache that followed made her regret doing that almost immediately. She clutched her head. What in the world had happened back there? Groaning, she laid back down on the bed and pulled up her blankets. Wait, blankets? She looked down and sure enough, she was back in her room, and in her sleepwear too.

"Mew? Are you there?" Kuki muttered groggily.

'*Kuki!*' Mew cried out, eyes wide as she teleported into the room. She darted to Kuki and hugged her tightly. Kuki groaned, though she enjoyed Mew's warmth as she nuzzled her.

"What happened? Did we finish the play?" Kuki asked, leaning her face weakly against Mew's head.

'No, not really…' Mew grimaced and sat up with folded arms.

"What happened? I… I think I passed out again."

'*Something weird happened back there, almost as if someone pulled the plug on my illusions. Which doesn't make sense… there wasn't anyone else on our island who could've done it. I checked.*'

"That's a real bummer," Kuki lowered her eyes and sighed disappointedly. "And just when we got to the best part too."

Mew flattened her ears and placed her paw over Kuki's hand and met her gaze. '*Can you tell me what you remember before you passed out?*'

"I was running, then everywhere started glowing and I felt dizzy." She clutched her chest. "My heart felt like someone put it in warm water… Next thing I knew, you teleported me and—"

'*What? I didn't teleport you at all!*'

"Huh? Then who did?"

Mew frowned and looked away in contemplation, and then there was a glint in her eyes.

Kuki tilted her head slightly, only for another wave of dizziness to rattle her skull. She winced and curled up into a ball on the bed.

Mew leaned nuzzled Kuki again with a soft mew. 'Don't push yourself too hard, Kuki. Just try to get some rest now, okay? Would you like something to eat? I can make you soup, or porridge if you prefer.'

"Want… porridge."

'*Okie dokie. Wait here a few minutes,*' Mew said, beaming up with a smile before blinking out of the room to the kitchen.

Kuki found herself bored after Mew left, sick and tired to top it all off too. She sighed once more and stretched her hand out to find the TV remote.

Nothing quite like watching some of her favorite shows and movies to take her mind off things. Which disc was in the player last again? Oh well, she'd find out soon enough.

Kuki grumbled. She still wanted to finish the play and see all the pretty colors she'd envisioned. Her expression softened and she giggled. While she smiled, the floating letters phased into existence again and surrounded Kuki one by one. Kuki didn't react to their presence, as though she'd been put in a trance.

When Mew returned with the porridge, Kuki had gone back to sleep. Once again, the unknown letters were gone without a trace.
 
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canisaries

voted most likely to be edgy
Location
the middle of nowhere
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. custom/inkay-shirlee
Hey there! I read Chapter 2 for Catnip and here are my thoughts.

Lord Gengar's stomach split wide open into a mouth full of serrated teeth and a slender, tapered tongue. He reached inside and pulled out a ghostly blade that shimmered with an eerie purple glow.
Gengar's mouth takes up so much of its belly that I'm actually not sure if this is his regular mouth described metaphorically or an additional stomach-mouth.
'*Cuz I don't wanna.*' Mew smirked. "Only when I want to mess with someone."

A cold shiver went down Kuki's spine. "Hearing you talk like that is so weird. Feels so wrong…"

Mew held her snout and snorted. '*Of course it sounds weird, Kuki. You've only heard me talk like a pokemon your whole life!*'
It's been a while since I read the first chapter so I don't recall if it was addressed there, but I think I was under the impression that Mew was talking human this entire time (probably because NebulaDreams writes all lines said in human language by a pokémon in italics, so I was used to the same language being written differently depending on if the speaker is human or pokémon). Now I'm not sure if these lines are spoken in pokémon or telepathically, but I'm guessing the latter since it's unlikely they'd have a villain speak only in pokémon in a movie meant primarily for human children to watch.
Mew opened a window and sent the water ball flying, straight to the ocean.
Y E E T
Mew snorted. '*Paperclippa?*'
big clippa, clip fo no ho
Mew sighed, then dragged the top half of the boulder up with a wave of her paw like it was made of potty.
*spits out drink*
I think you meant "putty" there.
As she said that, a metal pole fell from the sky and pierced the ground behind Anisa and Smeargle. It twisted and folded up into shapes to vaguely resemble a paper clip with a sinister face.

'*LOOKING FOR ME?!*'
IT LOOKS LIKE YOURE TRYING TO WRITE A LETTER, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HELP
Smeargle joined in and leered at him.
There was a convo in the Discord some time ago about how "leer" actually has a sexual tone. Unless you were going for the actual move (in which case capitalization would be good), I would suggest going for "glare" instead.
Despite Anisa's cries, Melvin took off on his wings and flew quickly in the other direction.
I'm not sure if Melvin having basically no description was intentional or not. He's described as a "swift shadow" and then this part mentions wings, so I'd assume Murkrow, but it could also be a mostly-shapeless shadow creature - but there's not enough information for me to be sure about which option I should be visualizing.

---

So this chapter continues to capture the innocence and playfulness of children, not just in Kuki, but Mew as well. She has that vibe of a parent playing together with her child, but I also see her as being childlike by nature. There is room for conflict where the maturity required of a caretaker clashes with some childish wants, but I'm not predicting that to really happen with how well she's balancing the two so far.

What's also presented well here is the creativity and imagination of a child, though Kuki also seems more mature through her worrying about the quality of her ideas and the sensibility of the plot. Either way, I knew I would have killed to have a play companion that could actually make the pretend look and feel real - Kuki's very lucky. Although all this legendary stuff is setting her up to be caught in the crossfires of some ancient drama...

Speaking of the legendaries, I was kind of surprised to see Unown pop up. Yveltal was teased in the first chapter, and Unown doesn't feel related, at least yet. I have two guesses: either the Unown are totally unassociated with the baconbird, or the Unown work as some kind of messengers for all legendaries. It remains to be seen.

While this chapter made for comfy reading, I do have to say that it felt somewhat... I don't know if "aimless" is the word, since there is a direction the chapter is going - they're making a play, and the goal is to perform the play, obviously. It's just that there isn't much conflict or setup for things going wrong. I'd suggest showing some Unown earlier and having Kuki experience some kind of strange feeling so that things going wrong at the end feels more narratively satisfying. That does make me ponder how it'd be kind of similar to the first chapter in that regard... but I think it would still help the story more than harming it.

Anyway, hope this was helpful, and good luck writing onward. See you around!
 

BossCar

Pokémon Trainer
Pronouns
He/His

Hey guys, back at it again with yet another rendition of this fic. Anyway, here's the first chapter.

I'll always reciprocate any and all reviews! (⌒‿⌒)

Feedback Preferences:
I'm looking to get feedback focus on narrative structure, prose, rudimentary grammar checks and overall how well or badly I did regarding those factors.

If you're a reader that has read the previous versions of this fic. Tell me what you think of this version. If you feel that it's not different enough and struggle to find any feedback to give, please refrain from reviewing altogether and just DM me what you think of the fic on discord instead.

Chapter One: Kuki's Tale Begins

Kuki’s hair fluttered in the warm afternoon breeze. She stretched her arms with a yawn and leaned back against a large berry tree. A second gust threatened to knock her summer hat off just as she relaxed, and she quickly clamped it down to her head. With a relieved sigh, she tucked her loose puffy hair back into her hat and sat upright.

Before they’d arrived, Kuki had thought that tagging along with Mew to gather berries would be fun, but all she’d done so far was sit around while Mew did everything. Within minutes she’d been bored out of her mind, and so she kept herself entertained by tracing her fingers against an Oran berry in her palms. She took a bite from it when boredom kicked in and began wondering what to do when they got back home. Perhaps she could watch some TV, or make another tower of cards. Studying her textbooks was an option too…. No, doing that last one was even more boring than sitting around in front of a tree.

Kuki tried finding other ways to distract herself, and that came in the form of a red berry up in the treetops. It resembled a spike ball, if the spikes had all been hammered till they became round bumps. She chuckled as she pictured it happening in her mind. The berry then seemed to pluck itself off its stalk. It hovered in the air and landed next to Mew, who hummed while dancing with a handful of other berries floating around her; they too danced to her rhythm.

‘Something on your mind, Kuki?’ Mew asked, glancing over her shoulder. A half-eaten Chesto berry floated next to her. Kuki stifled a chuckle because the berry juice around Mew’s mouth made it look like she’d done a shoddy job at make-up.

“Nothing really. I’m just thinking of what to do when we go home.” She drew her arm forward and reached towards the blue sky. Sunlight fell onto her arm between the gaps in the canopy, creating a soft shimmer over her caramel skin.

Mew licked some of the juices off her mouth before stuffing her face with the rest of the berry. ‘Come up with anything yet?’

“Not yet. I’m still brainstorming.”

‘Brainstorming? Can’t wait to hear what you come up with then. It’s gonna be exciting, isn’t it?’

“Sure, it will! Just wait and see!”

Mew giggled, then went back to plucking out various berries around her. Kuki watched her quietly for a while. She could never not be amazed by how Mew was able to carry so many things without so much as raising a finger. With her rear growing sore from sitting, she stood up and walked over to Mew.

“Mew, I want to help with the berry picking too.”

‘No need. I’ve got it all covered. Besides, I’m almost done anyway, and then we can go home.’

“Oh, come on. Pretty pleeease? I’m so bored out of my mind just sitting here. It’s not like you brought me here to just watch, right?”

‘You do have a point. Sitting around is boring. Since you really want to help, I guess it’s fine,’ Mew said with a chuckle. ‘Let’s see now…’ Mew glanced at an empty sack, then drew it towards herself and handed it to Kuki.

Kuki smiled and reached for the empty sack as Mew pointed at a couple of berry trees whose branches dipped low to the ground.

‘Here, you can go get those ones over there, okay?’

“On it!” Kuki said, skipping as she approached the berries. “And a one, and a two…” she sang to herself, plucking whatever berries she could reach from her height.

After wandering about for a bit, she spotted a tree with several ripe looking berries nearby. Kuki held her hand over her mouth and ogled at them. She turned around to inform Mew, but stopped short before saying anything. What if she went and got them all by herself? Mew would shower her with praise and tell her how proud she was, then they’d go on more outings together! Excited by the thought, she quietly sneaked away while Mew was focused on reaching for a particularly tall branch.

Kuki’s heart raced with every step that brought her closer to the berries. She gasped when she got close enough to see the tree clearly. The Oran berries were the ripest ones she’d ever seen, and each one was plump as both of her fists combined. Mew would absolutely love them! Kuki may as well have found the greatest treasure trove on the planet! She hurriedly walked into the clearing and reached to pluck one of them.

“What in the—what do you think you’re doing?!” barked a loud voice.

Kuki flinched and turned in the direction of the voice. She saw a large man wielding a trowel marching towards her. With his spottled, faded overalls and straw hat, he resembled the farmers she’d seen on some of her shows.

Her breath caught in her throat. In all of the shows she’d seen, farmers were kind and smiley. This one might’ve worn the right clothes, but the fierce scowl plastered across her face reminded her more of a villain. “H-hi,” she managed to stammer. “I’m Kuki.”

“I don’t care who you are, get the hell out of my farm or I swear——”

Kuki quailed. What should she do? She’d never talked to a farmer before, let alone one as frightening as that one. Her eyes darted between the berry tree and the man’s towering figure, and she flinched when his gaze turned even fiercer than before just as she did. Kuki’s throat felt like it'd closed in on itself, and she wanted nothing more than to shrink into the ground and disappear.

“I was just gonna take some berries, Mister. That’s all.”

“Ah, so, you’re a thief then! Get away from my prized berries!” the farmer demanded and began to stomp her way.

Kuki’s shrieked, stumbling back and away from him. Futile as it was, she tried defending herself, saying, “I found the berries first. Get your own!”

That much at least seemed to stop him for a moment. He looked at her in pure bafflement. “My own? I can’t even… This is my private property! I own this farm! That is my Oran tree!”

“I don’t see your name on it.” Just to be sure, she glanced back at the trunk. Sure enough, there weren’t any names on it. “Can’t we just share? I can take half of them and you can take the other half. It’s not much, really.”

“Holy crap, how old even are you?! You know what? I don’t have time for this. Come with kid, I’ll be having a word with your parents at the station,” the man said, his scowl now mixed with annoyance.

Kuki’s heart drummed even faster the moment he took a step towards her. Kuki remembered Mew telling her that should she ever get into trouble, she should run away and call for her. So, Kuki turned to flee, only to trip on a rock. Kuki yelped and face-planted onto the ground.

Pain erupted from her ankle, forcing her to lose grip of her berry bag to clutch her aching leg. By the time she turned around, the farmer was mere inches away from grabbing her by the arm. She closed her eyes and shouted Mew’s name. The farmer’s fearsome hand never reached her, and when she looked up she immediately found out why.

The man had frozen, and a pinkish glow had engulfed his entire body. Right after that, a pink bubble surrounded Kuki, and she sighed in relief.

The farmer only had a moment to stare in shock and confusion before Kuki’s bubble expanded outward, smacking and sending him hurtling through the air. Just before he hit the ground, he froze in midair for a second, then he dropped with a painful groan.

Kuki’s contracted again, and Mew appeared in front of her as a gothorita.

“What in the world?!” the farmer blurted through clenched teeth, his arm pressed to his back.

Mew frowned at him. Kuki knew there was nothing a human could do once caught in Mew’s psychic restraints, especially not when she was furious. She and Mew exchanged glances, one with tearful eyes and the other with worry.

‘Are you hurt, Kuki?’

“A little… but it’s not his fault. I tripped and fell.”

‘Fun time’s over. Let’s go home.’

Mew glanced at the farmer and her eyes flashed blue for a second. In that moment, the man fell on his face, limp and unconscious.

As Mew entered the bubble she was in to embrace her, Kuki stared back at the farmer. He would probably wake up later, and would not remember anything that happened that day. She looked away, expressionless, and snuggled Mew against her body. A second later, they were gone without a trace.

***B***
The long-range teleportation brought with it a dizziness Kuki still hadn’t gotten used to, even after experiencing it a bunch of times. She sighed in relief when it wore off. They were back at home sweet home. Nothing could quite compare to the coziness of their room. Her bed was tucked away at one corner while her mirrored dresser, shelves, and television sat adjacent to it. The rest of the room’s space was mostly for recreational purposes. It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and build models of the things she saw in shows with her toy bricks.

“That was close. Thanks for showing up, Mew,” Kuki said. She moved her leg a little before a burning pain raced up her ankle. She clasped her hands over it and groaned. When Kuki noticed the worried look Mew was giving her, she forced a smile and said, “It doesn’t really hurt that much.”

Mew didn’t reciprocate the smile. Her eyes drooped and she placed her paws against Kuki’s cheeks. ‘You shouldn’t have wandered off like that, Kuki! You could’ve gotten into huge trouble with those humans!’

Kuki lowered her eyes turned her face the other way. “I’m sorry … I was just trying to help. I wanted to bring those huge berries because I thought you’d like them.”

‘Oh, what do I do with you?’ Mew shook her head. Her eyes glowed so she could inspect Kuki’s leg. ‘Looks like you sprained it. You won’t be playing outdoors today with your foot like that.’

“What? That’s not true! It really doesn’t hurt that much! Look, I can stand up just fine!” Kuki tried pushing herself up, but a sharp pain shot up her ankle the moment she put pressure on it. Her legs buckled, but a psychic hold held her from falling, and Mew gently lowered her back down to sit.

Kuki pouted in defeat, which prompted a giggle from Mew.

‘See? What did I tell you?’

“Okay fine, it hurts. Mew, please heal me,”

Mew brought a paw to her chin and looked the other way. ‘Oh, but should I? I’m not sure.’

“Meeeeew. I’m sorry, please!”

‘I’m just teasing you, Kuki,” she said with a laugh. ‘Here you go, one healed foot coming right up!’

Mew's paw glowed a radiant pink and she gently pressed it over Kuki’s sprained ankle. Kuki winced from the contact, but then the pain was completely gone right after. She smiled and moved her foot around. Her ankle really was as good as new.

It marveled Kuki just how quickly Mew's healing worked. Mew told her she was the only human her healing powers worked on, though Kuki was sure Mew only said that to make her feel special.

“Hooray, I’m back in action!” Kuki said, springing up to her feet and spreading her arms upwards.

Mew clapped her paws together and smiled. ‘That’s very good, Kuki! Come on now, let’s go and prepare lunch.’

“Okay!” Kuki lowered her arms and noticed one of the bubbles Mew was carrying had something strange in it. She widened her eyes for a moment and snorted. “You actually brought the tree with you?”

‘You looked like you wanted it, so I picked it up.’

“I was only gonna pluck a couple for you. I wasn’t going to take the whole tree!”

‘This works out for us, though. Now we can get more berries without having to leave the lighthouse.’

“Are we going to plant it somewhere in the courtyard?”

‘If that’s what you want. Here’s what we’re going to do,” Mew waved her paw and a spot in the air shimmered. A second later, an identical copy of Mew hovered next to her. “Other me here will go with you, and you two can plant the berry tree wherever you want. I’ll go prepare us something in the kitchen in the meantime, okay?”

“Alright, yay!” Kuki said, pulling the real Mew into a tight hug before letting go and trotting up the staircase. A normal person could barely tell Mew apart from her illusory copies, but Kuki could recognize the real Mew easily. After spending thirteen years of her life with Mew, it had become instinct for her to recognize the very faint difference in the pink shade Mew had compared to her clones. The real Mew was also warmer whenever Kuki hugged her, not to mention she also smelled a bit like Lum berries. Unsurprising. Lum berries were Mew’s favorite, and she didn’t share with her copies.

About half an hour later, Kuki returned to the room while singing a tune to herself. There was dirt all over her clothes and hands, because Kuki insisted on doing most of the manual labor. She put the tree into the soil all by herself too even though Other Mew insisted on helping her. In the end, she couldn’t and needed to be helped with just a bit of telekinesis to make the tree just light enough for Kuki to carry. All that hard work left her feeling sore all over. Other Mew had disappeared shortly after they’d planted the tree.

Mew was nowhere to be found in the room, though the sweet scent permeating the air told her everything she needed to know. Knowing that, Kuki went to take a bath and got a change of clothes. While combing her hair in front of the mirror, she noticed a strange black feather sitting on top of the drawer. Curious, Kuki reached her to pick it up, but it disintegrated into nothing just before she could touch it.

‘Lunch is ready!’ Mew announced, hovering down to the room with a tray in tow. ‘I bet you’re really hungry right about now!’

“Sure am! What are we having today?” Kuki asked with gleaming eyes. The sweet scent alone caused her to drool a bit. “Is it curry? Fried poffins? Oh, are we having steamed potatoes again?!"

‘Dadan! You guessed it right. Today, we’re having steamed potatoes with three sauces! The red one’s Tamato berry sauce, the blue one’s Yache and the green one’s Lum berry flavored. First one’s a bit spicy though.’

Mew placed the tray on the coffee table. Kuki looked in awe at the two bowls filled with steaming peeled potatoes. The sauces were in three separate smaller bowls.

Kuki quickly reached to grab a potato, but Mew held her tail in front of her to halt her reach. ‘They’re still hot. Wait for them to cool down a bit.’

“But I’m huuungry!”

Mew giggled. ‘Just give me a moment first, silly girl.’

Kuki opened her mouth to complain again, but closed it without saying anything. Mew had her paws over the bowls and the steam drifted towards her as though she was vacuuming it. A few moments later, the steam slowed, and Mew looked at the cooled potatoes with a pleased smile. How had that worked? Kuki hadn’t the slightest idea.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Kuki said absentmindedly.

Mew raised her brows then laughed. ‘Of course, there are all sorts of things.’

“Really? Like what?”

‘Well for instance… I can’t keep up with a hyper energetic girl like you!’

“Haha, I haven’t heard that one before!”

Mew held a paw to her snout and giggled. ‘Really though, there are a lot things even I wish I could do. I’m not perfect, even if I may seem that way to you.’

“Oh… well, you’ll always be the best in the world to me no matter what!” Kuki said, throwing a fist into the air.

‘… Thank you.’

Partway through the meal, Kuki had her head in the clouds as usual, staring idly at the single light bulb on the ceiling. She could feel Mew’s curious gaze, then she smiled and made eye contact. She chomped down the remains of her last potato when she spoke.

“Let’s make a kite.”

Mew tilted her head sideways. ‘A kite? Like the one in that lotad prince show?’

“It’s Lotus Prince, not lotad!” Kuki corrected passionately.

Mew swayed her tail back and forth with a smile. ‘Sorry, I can’t seem to ever get the name right.’

“You know… you kinda remind me of the fairy queen from the show.”

‘Do I? What’s the fairy queen like?’ Mew asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Oh, she’s this magical lady who helps guide the hero on his great journey to save the Lotus Kingdom! She gave him a magic kite in the third episode, and he uses it to travel through the air like an unfezant!” Kuki said, waving her hand in the air with a wide smile. She thought of something and her smile faded. “We could watch it again sometime. We never get to finish it together cause you’re always going out somewhere.”

‘Oh, whoops. Sorry about that. You know how it is. I have to go around helping all sorts of folks around the globe, making sure everything’s going well and we’re all getting along. Most of the time I just go to have fun though.” Mew smiled giddily as though recalling a funny, then her smile grew faint. “But a lot of what I do is still too dangerous to bring a delicate human like you, Kuki. I mean, you almost got in trouble with that human earlier and even got hurt too!’

“I guess so…” Kuki pushed her bowl aside and rested her arms over the table with a glum look.

‘Tell you what?’ Mew said, and hovered upwards with her paw raised, saying, ‘When you get this tall, I promise I’ll take you out on my adventures more often!’ Mew said, patting Kuki’s puffy hair gently.

Kuki’s mouth fell open. Her eyes gleamed as she held Mew’s paws tightly. “You mean it?! You must promise!”

Mew giggled. ‘That’s a promise then!’

“Alright! I sure can’t wait to grow up! I am so, so excited!” Kuki squealed and pictured herself with Mew exploring hidden caves, finding lost treasures and saving the world from bad guys and other stuff. They’d already done those things during Kuki’s plays, but Kuki had always wanted to know what they were like for real.

“We’d have adventures just like in the shows and movies!”

‘Come now, let’s not get carried away. Here, tell me more about this kite thing you mentioned earlier.’

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She walked to the pile of papers and cardboard at the other end of the room. “In the show it looked like we can make a kite out of some light paper, and with these sticks… Oh, don’t forget the strings to tie them up together!”

Mew peeked over Kuki’s shoulder to see what she was doing, and sudden realization dawned on her face. ‘So, this is why you took those things from that human shop the other day?’

“Oh that? I actually wanted to make something else called an origami that day, but I couldn’t really figure it out. I kind of gave up. Well, not really. I still want to do it… someday,” Kuki explained with a sigh, twirling a string around a chopstick.

‘Oh, you. Don’t give up on something just because it’s difficult.’

Kuki pouted with folded arms. “The instructions were too complicated. I couldn’t follow them at all! They were like fold it like this, and like that. There were pictures, but they were no help.” Kuki’s shoulders drooped.

‘Well, if you’re feeling up to it again some other time, we can make some of these origami together!’ Mew said, throwing her fist in the air. ‘If we put our heads together, I’m sure we’ll be able to understand the instructions!’

“Really?!” Kuki asked, leaning forward. Her gaze fell back on the string-wrapped chopstick in her hand. “But first, we have to make the kite!”

Mew giggled as she climbed up Kuki’s shoulder. ‘That’s the spirit, Kuki! Now then, where do we start?’

And so, the two of them set to work on the kites. After a few failed attempts, Kuki suggested they watch The Lotus Prince again to figure out how, but they ended up marathoning the series, because Kuki couldn’t remember which episode the instructions were shown in. After a few hours and lots of used paper, they finally made something that actually resembled a working kite.

“Hooray, we did it! We made a kite,” Kuki said before yawning heavily. Her eyes burned with exhaustion and she couldn’t help rubbing her hands over them. She was already nodding off even as she said, “Let’s go and test it out, Mew. We… still don’t know… if it can fly yet.”

Mew smiled and flicked off a small bit of paper on Kuki’s nose. ‘That can wait till tomorrow, Kuki. What you need now is lots of rest.’

Mew shapeshifted into an audino and scooped Kuki up in her arms. Kuki groaned as she meekly tried nudging away from Mew to break free. Unable to find the strength to do so, she lowered her arm and yawned once more.

“I can still keep going…” Kuki argued, but her yawns weren’t fooling anyone.

‘No, Kuki. It’s sleepy time for you.’

“Awwwww.”

‘Don’t worry. We’ll play again first thing in the morning.’

With what remaining strength she could muster, Kuki held onto Mew’s hand and met her eyes. “Mew, will we always be together?”

Mew’s eyes widened at the sudden question, then her expression softened to a smile. “Always, Kuki. Always.”

“Yaaaaay…” Kuki smiled widely and closed her eyes. With that, she fell fast asleep.

After holding onto her for a few minutes, Mew tucked Kuki into bed gently. She drew some of the girl’s loose hair behind her ear and kissed her on the forehead.

‘I might as well sleep too,’ Mew said with a huff after stretching her limbs. The lights went off at her command and then she tucked herself under the blanket next to Kuki, smiled, and closed her eyes. ‘Good night, Kuki.’

***B***​

The night had been quiet and peaceful. Mew laid awake and curled next to Kuki, who was sound asleep. Mew kept going over that day’s events in her mind. That human on the farm. What if she’d been just a minute later? Kuki could’ve been hurt even worse. It had only taken a few minutes too…. Mew grimaced. If they did something like that again, she’d have to stick to Kuki like glue.

Mew sighed and clenched her paws while staring at the ticking clock on the far-off wall. All was said and done, at least. Things were fine. Kuki would be safe as long as she had her. Maybe Mew worried too much, though at times it felt like she never worried enough. Everything… everything was fine.

With her mind at ease, Mew curled against Kuki to bask in her body warmth, and listen to the ambience of the girl’s dreaming mind. However, she immediately felt something wasn’t right. Kuki’s body had gotten cold.

Could it be?!

Mew sprang up and jerked her head towards Kuki. Maybe it was just her imagination? She pressed her paws against Kuki’s neck and cheek. Cold. Much too cold. Was Kuki already…? How could that be? Mew whimpered. No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand.

Heartbeats! Mew needed to check for that. If Kuki was hanging on by even a thread, it wasn’t too late. Mew pressed her ear against Kuki’s chest and held her breath. Anything, any small glimmer of sound would be more than enough!

A second passed, followed by another, and another. Mew clenched her paws and her heart began to sink further and further, then she heard something. A heartbeat, faint enough that it sounded like it’d wither and fade from the lightest touch. Relief washed over Mew like a tidal wave. Kuki was still alive. She was still alive! There was still hope, and Mew was intent on not wasting it.

Without wasting a second, Mew raised her paws. They glowed bright pink, illuminating the entire room like a lamp. She brought them down and pressed them tightly against Kuki’s chest, right over where her heart was. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time. At the very least, she knew how to deal with it. She knew how to save Kuki. With a mental push, Mew rushed a surge of energy into Kuki’s body.

Luminous pink veins spread all around Kuki’s body from her chest. Every minute that passed drained a great deal of energy from Mew. The next ten minutes agonized Mew, and every second that passed drained her even further.

At long last, warmth steadily returned to Kuki’s body. Shortly after, Mew saw the girl’s chest rising and falling with every breath. Mew bestowed more of her power to Kuki a while longer, just in case. After that, she withdrew her paws and slumped over Kuki with a groan. The glow of her paws and Kuki’s veins faded, bringing darkness back to their room once more.

‘That was close… too close,’ Mew muttered to herself. She toppled to the side with heavy eyes and yawned.

As Mew started dozing off, she felt arms wrap around her body and pull her in.

“Mew…” Kuki said, whimpering.

Mew smiled and lightly stroked Kuki’s forehead with her tail. ‘What’s wrong, Kuki? Did you have a nightmare?’

“Mmmhmm.”

‘Everything’s okay now, Kuki. I’m here for you. I’m here,’ Mew said, smiling weakly. She hummed Kuki a lullaby and waited till she made sure Kuki had gone back to sleep. Only then did she too drift off.

Here for catnip!

Well-written overall, and I like the descriptions. Descriptions are a tricky one to pull off.

The dynamic between Kuki and Mew is both a fun and wholesome. I also liked how Mew looks out for Kuki, and that Kuki told Mew that the farmer didn't hurt her.

The ending sets a different tone. I wouldn't say it's ominous, but it feels like something could go wrong.
 

DeliriousAbsol

*Crazy Absol Noises*
Staff
Location
Behind a laptop, most likely with tea
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. mawile
Here for a Review Exchange!

Chapter 1

The introduction reminds me of the original you wrote when they were thieving from a shop. I almost remember something similar when Kuki told the farmer that she couldn't see his name on the berry tree XD I also feel like Kuki is older in this write-up, but I'm not sure.

It's a good opening, setting the scene and lacing in danger. It went from fun to tense very quickly. Mew dealt with the farmer well, but unless she's erased his memories somehow I do think he'll remember the girl who tried to trick him out of his berries!

It gave her plenty of space to play with toys and build models of the things she saw in shows with her toy bricks.
Oh I guess she is still pretty young then!

While combing her hair in front of the mirror, she noticed a strange black feather sitting on top of the drawer.
Whoa what was that?! This feels very ominous. I wonder if it has anything to do with Yveltal?
Kuki pouted with folded arms. “The instructions were too complicated. I couldn’t follow them at all! They were like fold it like this, and like that. There were pictures, but they were no help.” Kuki’s shoulders drooped.
Yeah origamis is HARD! I relate to this!

Mew and Kuki's relationship is as sweet as ever. I like how the Lotus Prince and the kite seem to be recurring things in each write-up. I can't believe they stole that tree though! These two seem intent on living a life of theft lol.

One thing that baffles me is that Kuki's behaviour doesn't seem to suit her age. You'd said that she'd been with Mew for thirteen years? So that would make Kuki at least thirteen. An average thirteen year old doesn't play with bricks. So unless something is going on with Mew reviving Kuki every so often, I'm wondering if her age is a mistake? Or she's just very immature? It's not a huge problem, it just doesn't add up without an explanation.

A few typos/errors:
With his spottled, faded overalls
Think this should be 'spotted'?
This one might’ve worn the right clothes, but the fierce scowl plastered across her face reminded her more of a villain
The farmer is referred to as the wrong gender here.
Kuki lowered her eyes turned her face the other way.
Missing the word 'and' between 'eyes' and 'turned'.
Curious, Kuki reached her to pick it up, but it disintegrated into nothing just before she could touch it.
Reached 'out'?

Also, the first chapter has a few instances where you use the wrong speech marks for Mew:
‘I’m just teasing you, Kuki,”

Most of the time I just go to have fun though.”

“Always, Kuki. Always.”

Chapter 2

Mew really is a jack-of-all-trades isn't she? Her abilities never cease to amaze. To be able to conjure up an entire setting for a play and bring it to life... it's like every child's dream!

Mew opened her mouth, and spewed water while she squeezed soap from the bottle into the stream. One by one Mew slid the dishes into the line of fire as if on a conveyor belt. She spun each one around until they all looked sparkling-clean. Finally, she surrounded herself with the dishes and drew all the moisture to herself like a vaporeon, drying them in seconds.
As someone who hates washing up, this skill would be pretty useful to have! It must be very easy for Mew to do the cleaning.

Kuki's imagination is fantastic. With Mew, they came up with a spectacular idea I'd quite like to see on its own XD The name of that paperclip though... Paperclippa. Fantastic. I get the feeling someone doesn't like the old Windows office assistant Clippy?

Those Unown worry me. Why are they inside Kuki? It sounds like someone is up to no good, here, too. Who teleported Kuki?! This already feels very different to the other write-ups. I don't want to leave spoilers here, but I'm beginning to think things are going to play out much, much differently.

A few typos/errors:
it was as good a time as any to her to work.
This reads a bit awkwardly.
Mew leaned nuzzled Kuki again with a soft mew.
Not sure what you're trying to say here. Have you accidentally left a word in while editing?

This is a good start so far. We get a lot more of Kuki and Mew than the original, and the development to the concept of 'A Mew Me' is delayed with a lot more intrigue. Well done! =D
 

Virgil134

PMD Writer
Partners
  1. sylveon
  2. weavile
  3. kommo-o
Hey there, Adam! Here to review the first two chapters just like I promised you.

Wanna start off by saying I really like the cover art. It’s cute and seeing those two Mew would certainly brighten up anyone’s day. ^^

Kuki’s hair fluttered in the warm afternoon breeze.

Gonna start off with a nitpick here. When you introduce a new character into the story I’d recommend doing so through dialogue instead of description. Right now the narration assumes the reader already knows who Kuki is, even though the reader does not know that yet at this point. Kuki’s name is actually revealed in the very first line of dialogue, so in this case it’s actually very easy to accomplish by simply omitting her name in the opening paragraphs and instead focus on describing what the reader would see of her.

“H-hi,” she managed to stammer. “I’m Kuki.”

“I don’t care who you are, get the hell out of my farm or I swear——”

Whelp, that got awkward fast. And it started out so innocent and sweet ;_;

Though I’m getting the impression that Kuki lives a very sheltered life.

The farmer only had a moment to stare in shock and confusion before Kuki’s bubble expanded outward, smacking and sending him hurtling through the air. Just before he hit the ground, he froze in midair for a second, then he dropped with a painful groan.

Well that’s a bit of a yikes. Going to that farmer’s place, stealing his crops, and then attacking him too? We sure Mew isn’t actually a villain protagonist? *insert nervous laughter here*

Mew told her she was the only human her healing powers worked on, though Kuki was sure Mew only said that to make her feel special.

Huh. Feel like there’s some significance behind this that will be revealed later.

Kuki lowered her arms and noticed one of the bubbles Mew was carrying had something strange in it. She widened her eyes for a moment and snorted. “You actually brought the tree with you?”

Wait, how does that fit inside the room?

Mew shapeshifted into an audino and scooped Kuki up in her arms.

Either Mew transformed into a large Audino or Kuki’s a very small girl.

If they did something like that again, she’d have to stick to Kuki like glue.

Or you could just not rob people’s stuff and get into conflict with them

She brought them down and pressed them tightly against Kuki’s chest, right over where her heart was. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time.

Oh damn, is Kuki dying and only being kept alive by Mew?

Though looks like that’s it for the first chapter. On to chapter 2!

It was in the pile you brought last month.

I think you misspelled “stole”

Kuki gasped. "Really?! How come you don't do that then?"

Huh didn’t realize Mew was talking in Poké speak the whole time. Though the first chapter didn’t have those asterisks, so that’s probably why I didn’t notice the difference at first.

Mew opened her mouth, and spewed water while she squeezed soap from the bottle into the stream.

Okay, cleaning the dishes with what’s essentially your spit. Ew XD

Cereal with milk always got soggy after a few minutes, and Mew found that absolutely gross!

Oh you find that gross, Mew?

The evil paperclip, jealous of the colorful world, took matters into their own hands!*' Mew said, spreading her arms wide and standing on her hind legs to look imposing. She sat back down and lowered her ears. '*So, they took all the colors and now everyone is sad.*'

This part read kinda clunky because of singular they. Given that Paperclippa is referred to as a he later, maybe it makes sense to do that here as well?

Also I only just noticed, but how comes you’re using single quotes for Mew’s lines? Instead of only the asterisks?

She placed a paw over Kuki's shoulder to bathe her clothes in a blue glow, changing Kuki into her play costume. '*There we go.*'

Not sure how Mew would have the power to change Kuki’s clothes.

It twisted and folded up into shapes to vaguely resemble a paper clip with a sinister face.

'*LOOKING FOR ME?!*'

Remember Clippy? This is him now. Feel old yet?

Though for a story within a story, this play was fairly entertaining.

'*What? I didn't teleport you at all!*'

"Huh? Then who did?"

Judging from the cover, probably you

While she smiled, the floating letters phased into existence again and surrounded Kuki one by one.

Kinda wonder if these are Unown.

Anyway, I got to the end. Overall, I thought it was a fun read. It’s starting off a little slow, and so far it almost feels a little bit like slice of life, but I imagine that will change soon. Nothing wrong with us getting to know the characters a bit first before things really kick off.

Until next time!
 

TheCouchEffect

Bug Catcher
Pronouns
He/His
Finally got around to reading this version of the story! I'll be keeping this brief since it's still early, but I love this rewrite! It's so nice to see the relationship between Mew and Kuki. They have such a sweet mother/daughter relationship. I also like the allusions to Kuki's illness and the potential mystery about who teleported Kuki as well as what the letters are. I can't wait to find out!
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. crobat
Ah! very glad I got to read your story for catnip! I'd been meaning to read chapter 1 and this is excellent timing.

To begin with, I really enjoyed the first chapter! Your writing, and this story, as a really sweet and quaint feel. Reminds me of a chill sort of slice of life anime, full of quirkiness and adorable moments, but a few eyebrow raising moments and some 'darker' undertones. Overall I found your prose enjoyable and didn't notice any significant grammar issues!

Kuki and mew are both adorable. Kuki comes of as a bit childish and naive, in a good way. She's clearly very sheltered from the world and has this child-like way of looking at things that'd I'd expect from a kid seemingly raised by Mew as well as TV shows, lol.

Mew comes off as doting and cheerful, but I definitely felt the overprotective/worried vibes from her even before we learn why at the end of the chapter.

I'll jump straight to some line by lines!

Kuki’s hair fluttered in the warm afternoon breeze. She stretched her arms with a yawn and leaned back against a large berry tree. A second gust threatened to knock her summer hat off just as she relaxed, and she quickly clamped it down to her head. With a relieved sigh, she tucked her loose puffy hair back into her hat and sat upright.
This a is a sweet, simple opening. I can get a decent picture of Kuki in my minds eyes, with her puffy hair and summer hat. One thing though, that can help make it even better is a quick tie in maybe of the broad landscape. mention the mixed scent of berry orchard on the breeze, or the way the surrounding berry trees look like one of colorful paintings, just so we know where they are - a natural forest, and orchard? a grove of wild growing berry bushes next to a farmers bushes?

She took a bite from it when boredom kicked in and began wondering what to do when they got back home. Perhaps she could watch some TV, or make another tower of cards. Studying her textbooks was an option too…. No, doing that last one was even more boring than sitting around in front of a tree.
You already did a great job showing she was bored in the sentence prior to this. Instead of mentioning again, you can try

{She took a bite from it as she wonderer what to do when they got back home.}

She saw a large man wielding a trowel marching towards her. With his spottled, faded overalls and straw hat, he resembled the farmers she’d seen on some of her shows.
I loved the way she compares him to character on a show! Using this helps clearly show Kuki's naivety about the outside world! Even the way she doesn't immediately recognize him as a farmer but just as 'a man with a trowel'.

Her breath caught in her throat. In all of the shows she’d seen, farmers were kind and smiley. This one might’ve worn the right clothes, but the fierce scowl plastered across her face reminded her more of a villain.
Comparing him to a villain here works great too, since Kuki was seemingly raised on cartoons. Nice. The prose feels very in character for her. These detail really make Kuki feel alive as a chaarcter.

Futile as it seemed to be, she tried defending herself, saying,
I think you can either mention the futility later or not at all! You already show it really well, through dialogue. plus the reader wouldn't really know its futile yet!

The man had frozen, and a pinkish glow had engulfed his entire body
{The man had frozen, a pinkish glow engulfing his entire body}

Maybe reads a hair smoother? Minor tho.

“The instructions were too complicated. I couldn’t follow them at all! They were like fold it like this, and like that. There were pictures, but they were no help.” Kuki’s shoulders drooped.
Relatable lol. 😞The best way to learn origami is through youtube videos tbh.

‘Oh, you. Don’t give up on something just because it’s difficult.’
Hot advice.

Mew sprang up and jerked her head towards Kuki. Maybe it was just her imagination? She pressed her paws against Kuki’s neck and cheek. Cold. Much too cold. Was Kuki already…? How could that be? Mew whimpered. No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand.

Heartbeats! Mew needed to check for that. If Kuki was hanging on by even a thread, it wasn’t too late. Mew pressed her ear against Kuki’s chest and held her breath. Anything, any small glimmer of sound would be more than enough!

A second passed, followed by another, and another. Mew clenched her paws and her heart began to sink further and further, then she heard something. A heartbeat, faint enough that it sounded like it’d wither and fade from the lightest touch. Relief washed over Mew like a tidal wave. Kuki was still alive. She was still alive! There was still hope, and Mew was intent on not wasting it.

Without wasting a second, Mew raised her paws. They glowed bright pink, illuminating the entire room like a lamp. She brought them down and pressed them tightly against Kuki’s chest, right over where her heart was. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time. At the very least, she knew how to deal with it. She knew how to save Kuki. With a mental push, Mew rushed a surge of energy into Kuki’s body.

This was scary! I was caught a little off guard on my first read-through, in a good way. This ending really made me intrigued, as well as that black feather. No wonder poor Mew is so overprotective! This end is a good way to build suspense and interest too.

I wanted to focus on this section, since I liked it so much already. I just have a couple minor suggestions. You have all the right pieces and characters, so the scene is already good. I've gone ahead and bolded/underlined them. Basically just rearranging a sentence or two. -

{{Mew sprang up and jerked her head towards Kuki. Maybe it was just her imagination? She pressed her paws against Kuki’s neck and cheek. Cold. Much too cold. Was Kuki already…? How could that be? Mew whimpered. No matter how often it happened, Kuki would enter that state with little warning beforehand. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time. At the very least, she knew how to deal with it. She knew how to save Kuki.

Heartbeats! Mew needed to check for that first. If Kuki was hanging on by even a thread, it wasn’t too late. Pressing her ear against Kuki’s chest she held her breath. Anything, any small glimmer of sound would be more than enough!

A second passed, followed by another, and another. Mew clenched her paws and her heart began to sink further and further, then she heard something. A heartbeat, faint enough that it sounded like it’d wither and fade from the lightest touch. Relief washed over Mew like a tidal wave. Kuki was still alive. She was still alive! There was still hope., and Mew was intent on not wasting it. (you mention in the next sentence about not wasting time so you can improve the oomph by cutting this sentence short.)

Without wasting a second, Mew raised her paws. A bright pink glow enveloped them, illuminating the entire room like a lamp. She brought them down and pressed them tightly against Kuki’s chest, right over where her heart was. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and likely won’t be the last. Yet it pained Mew’s heart the same every time. At the very least, she knew how to deal with it. She knew how to save Kuki. With a mental push, Mew rushed a surge of energy into Kuki’s body.}}

That sums up my thoughts! Your prose in characterization really stands out to me, and you captured the child-like wonder and whimsy so well! I really enjoy this and I know you've been in a slump, but I do hope to see more someday! Good luck!

:quag:
 
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