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Pokémon A Cold, Bitter Future (Drabble)

IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. custom/chikorita-saltriv
A drabble I wrote on a whim. Inspired by Deadheading. Contains spoilers for PMD: Explorers and Gates to Infinity.

Temporal collapse wasn’t the only disaster the Dark Future faced. All that frozen negativity had to go somewhere.

The Bittercold grew.

It began with small, floating pebbles. Then larger rocks started to rise. The landscape was marred as boulders began to levitate. Entire sections of land split apart as they rose up. The whole planet shattered.

Some unfortunate Pokemon that managed to defy time’s stagnant flow were carried away by levitating bits of land, never to be seen again. Others fell into the crevasses and cracks, disappearing into the darkness below.

And all the while, the Bittercold continued to grow.

===================

Ever wonder why there's all those floating rocks and bits of land in the Dark Future in Explorers?

Ever remember that the Bittercold can make things float?
 

Nubushi

しぶい
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. custom/slowpoke-hgss
Hello, I’m here from the Review Blitz, wondering if I can legitimately make a review on a 100-word story 250 words long . . .

I am fandom-blind to PMD. But I do get from your author notes that this drabble exists to explain something in the PMD universe.

Now, I can say I definitely can understand how hard it is to write a coherent story, or even a coherent chapter in 100 words, having written a drabble collection myself. But I do think it is possible. Right now, I would say that your drabble does get the job done of conveying that the Bittercold is making these rocks and things rise up and float everywhere. It also successfully conveys some of the sense of devastation.

On the other hand, it also feels at times like it is just summarizing events that happen—again, the 100-word limit does make things difficult.

The second and third paragraphs do a good job of conveying a sense of an action starting, and continuing. In particular, I felt like “The Bittercold grew” gives off that storytelling sense of something happening that is going to have big consequences later on. There’s a sense of time progression starting with that, and then continuing with the time sequence with the sentences “It began . . .” and “Then . . .” On the other hand, I feel like the first paragraph comes across as a summary (telling rather than showing), and the fourth paragraph, while conveying an apocalyptic atmosphere, doesn’t really emotionally hit home, maybe because of the lack of specificity (“some Pokemon . . . others . . .”). (Though, now that I am looking at that paragraph again, I see that it has quite an impressive amount of alliteration! Three times in two sentences. Bonus trivia: weirdly, it can sound more natural to have three words starting with the same letter in the same sentence than just two.)

Then, at the end, we’re left with a sense of an action that is continuing. This gives the drabble a very inconclusive feel if it is something meant to stand by itself; on the other hand, it sounds like it could be the prologue to a larger story (or drabble collection), and overall it also has that storytelling-like voice that prologues of longer works often do have. So, for a drabble that is just supposed to explain something in-universe, it seems unfinished, but it would make a great lead-in or prologue to something else.
 

Navarchu

Exploration Team leader
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. swampert
Here I am for the blitz again, I kinda wanted to review ES again, but since I pretty much did a review on all eight chapters, I couldn’t. With that being said, I remembered you had a drabble, so here I am, reading and reviewing it. I know you’re a good writer and my expectations will be fulfilled, even if it’s super short, it’s a drabble, so it’s okay. Here I go.

Well, a 100-word limit makes you have to choose your words carefully, but honestly, few words can make quite an impact on the reader’s experience. I am well aware of the PMD lore, so this was a good take on it, at least for me. A story about how the Bittercold did its thing and froze everything. Overall, it’s a bittersweet(Oh God, this is not a pun) drabble that ends with melancholy. It works, and it works great, your lore is, as usual, very good. I think the part where they levitated into oblivion had the most impact for me. I mean, imagine that, the world is ending and your loved ones are sucked away into a place you cannot go to, must be terrifying to see, even thinking about it makes me shiver, this was a good experience, very short, but like I said, you made a good job with the low word count. Thanks for writing this, you should be proud of your skills! I’ll be looking forward to the next drabble you post, don’t give up Bench, you got this!
 
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