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  1. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    I think there was a bit of improvement here. Far less thought-as-dialogue and the POV seemed mostly centered on Arian. This included during the skirmishes that followed. Which, yes, are mook fights and did still take up a significant chunk of the chapter with the ending already promising us more...
  2. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    Can I catch up with this fic before the end of the week? Probably not, but it won't be for lack of trying. Back to Fire Emblem we goooooo. SE 1-3 -I personally disagree with the structure of the first parts of this chapter. Rather than making them extended flashbacks (in what's already an...
  3. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    Blitzy New Year! Disclaimer: My blitz reviews are stream of consciousness styled rambles. Let me know if you have any questions. 12 -Yeah, there's probably a more elegant way to introduce Team Anima rather than multiple paragraphs of exposition. Like describing their accents as the conversation...
  4. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    Hoo boy, yeah. Still in the fic tutorial, for better or for worse. I do think you do a very good job of moving the tour along. There aren't these pauses to the chapter for exposition like before, save for that bit in the beginning. That one gets a pass since it's kinda framed as being stated to...
  5. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    Calling it now: dey gonna escape and be problems in the future. Maybe downgraded from arc villains. Unless there's some bigger force at work that sinks their fangs into them. So, this right here speaks to two problems. The first being that this renders the initial start to the scene as clunky...
  6. Ambyssin

    Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Dual Wills

    Blitz 2022 stuff Merry Blitzmas! Disclaimer: My Blitz reviews tend to be stream of consciousness stuff. You're free to ignore or take it with grains of salt. I also know I'm looking at older chapters that may not be representative of your current writing abilities. 😅 1: The author being the...
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