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Cresselia92

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her/Hers
Partners
  1. ho-oh
  2. sneasel-nyula
  3. rayquaza-cress
  4. celebi-shiny
The life of a wild Pokémon is harsh and full of hardships.
The life of a runt of a family of rats and with an impossible dream is ten times harsher.
This is the story of that runt.


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Hey there! Now that the results of the Myths and Legends competition are finally out, I can finally post my entry. :D This was my first attempt at writing xenofiction and with a character with a fairly limited level of sapience, so I'm really happy that it managed to do so well. Many thanks to the judges for their great commentary. ^^

This version of the story has been amended by taking into consideration the feedback of the judges (which can be found here). Many grammar issues have been fixed and some scenes have been streamlined and expanded, especially the moments of Rattata culture. Also, the various Rattata have been fleshed out further.

As a result of the revisions, the wordcount of this story has shot up from 9.854 words to 12.196 words! Quite the jump, huh?

But enough of that! Here's my entry of the Myths and Legends competition. I hope you'll enjoy this story! ^^

Genre: Drama / Tragedy / Family

Rating: Teen for moderate animal violence, a couple of scenes with blood red life, and character death.

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“Finding Mahoun”


The world started in the darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness.

And then, there was a crack, an opening, and the world became light.




Something rubbed on my skin. My chest heaved rhythmically, and fresh air entered in my body. I began breathing. I was born.

It took me some time to understand what was happening, as I couldn’t see and couldn’t hear anything. Though, by how a big presence cleaned me, that lovely gesture caressing my back, there was no doubt about what that was. Or rather, who it was.

Mother.

I snuggled against her much bigger body, instinctively seeking the protection that only she could offer. However, something pushed me aside. And then, something else entirely pushed me. And another something. They smelled almost like her.

…Oh. Siblings.

Not wanting to be kept apart from Mother, I tried pushing against them. I needed that protection. I needed to feed. But they all were bigger than me. They all were stronger than me. They all were greedier than me.

Yes, I understood. I was the runt.

And I didn’t like that.



So, something new happened: I began seeing colors. Or rather, I could see blends and fuzzy shapes. My eyes were still too new. Anyway, I discovered that Mother was of a color named purple and another named cream. Her fangs were colored white and her eyes were colored in red. The den around us was made of a color named brown. Or was that gray…?

That was nice. At least I wouldn’t bump into walls anymore!

Along with colors, came sounds. I could hear the loud voices of my siblings clearly. Too clearly. Always asking Mother to give them food. Always bombarding my ears with cries, yells, shouts, squeaks, and whimpers. There were also the chirps, growls, thumps, rattles and other loud noises getting inside my head. Cries of unknown creatures roaming the world outside our den.

Every sun phase. Every moon phase.

That was less nice. Why couldn’t I close my ears, just like I could close my eyes?



Many suns and moons raced across the skies. Our new senses weren’t new anymore. They were sharper, just like us. The fog in our mind had disappeared, just like the sluggishness in our muscles. Mother had even stopped giving us milk.

A pity, her milk was the best thing ever. However, chewing on walnuts felt so very nice. Why these fangs keep growing so much, I don’t know! Though, my fangs were still smaller than my siblings’, much to my surprise.

…Probably I enjoyed trimming them a bit too much.

Under a new sun phase, Mother gave us names—a tradition of all mischiefs, the families of Rattata.

She named the biggest of us Big Eater. He always ate more than all of us and was also the strongest and fastest of the litter. Mother always groomed him first, which was unfair: why did she never groom me first for once? I know I wasn’t fast, but I ate less. And with me eating less, she could eat more! That was unfair!

The second sibling was called Long Tail, my biggest sister. Her tail was long for her size. She was slower than Big Eater, but she also could resist the warm weather much better. Ah, if only I had a longer tail to keep myself fresher, too.

The younger sister got the name Fuzzy Fluff. She was fuzzy and fluffy. It felt nice to rub against her fur during the coldest nights. Too bad she didn’t enjoy being touched much. I guess she disliked having to clean all her fur every time we snuggled together.

And then, it was my turn. Mother looked at me for a long time. Seeing that my body and fangs were the smallest of the group, she gave me the name Tiny Fang.

Yes, I think I trimmed my fangs too much.



When we learned how to walk and run without tripping, Mother introduced us to other young members of our mischief. We got to meet Bright Eyes, another Mother, known for having unique yellow eyes. Like Mother, she had pups of her own. Out of a litter of six, only two survived to see the end of the cold weather.

The tallest pup was Hard Biter. His fangs were the biggest I had ever seen. He could cut walnuts with a single bite. He could also cut through paws with a single bite, too, and made me lose some red life once, during one of our games.

He didn’t like me, so I didn’t like him. It was only fair.

The other pup was Far Searcher, a Rattata with a cream-colored tip on the tail. He got that name because he loved exploring the surrounding areas. He was always very good at finding things, like underground seeds and hidden mushrooms.

We bonded surprisingly quickly, and I got along with him better than with my own siblings. At least he didn’t mock me for being the smallest pup, maybe because we both were the smallest of our respective litters.

We often played together, and we loved grooming each other. We also got in trouble together, usually by venturing into the dens of other creatures.

One time we explored an unknown tunnel, where we found a strange yellow creature with wings and a sharp tail—a Dunsparce. Oh, he was so scared when he noticed us! Out of fear, he shook his tail and made the earth fall around us, trapping us in a tiny hole. And then, I was the scared one! I started running around and digging and biting furiously in an attempt of getting out, but my claws and fangs were too small.

I was too weak! The earth was too rough! I became more frantic!

But Far Searcher wasn’t scared. He approached me and nuzzled me, saying: «Be calm. Both fine.»

We sat close to each other and waited. We were in the darkness, but I wasn’t scared anymore. Because I wasn’t alone. I was with a friend. A best friend.

After some time, our mischief freed us from the hole. We were so hungry and thirsty when they found us, but we were also happy. We made through that adventure together.

I had learned that having friends is very nice.



Many suns and moons later, we pups all had become bigger Rattata. Well, all but not me. I was still a small Rattata, compared to the rest of the mischief. I was angry with my body—why couldn’t it grow bigger, and faster, and stronger? I had tried to eat more, but Big Eater would always steal from me, despite my protests. Whenever I tried fighting him back—or anyone else, really—I always lost. Being bigger had its advantages, unfortunately.

Good thing that Far Searcher would always keep some of his best findings for me and cheer me up when I was down. He was always so considerate and generous. But again, friends help each other.

Far Searcher was good. Very good. Even good at fighting.

I wish I was good, and not the bad of the mischief.



When we became more grown up, we had to stop just taking from our mischief and had to give back to our mischief. Searching food and scouting for dangers were our most important tasks, and we young Rattata had to learn how to bring food to our mischief and how to detect danger.

Far Searcher was very eager to explore new places, while Big Eater was more looking forward to eat as much as he could. Not surprising. Hard Biter probably just wanted to find some tough food to trim his fangs or learn how to fight to defend himself and the mischief. As of me… I was indifferent, as I didn’t have a talent in any activity.

My sisters didn’t like the idea very much, though. Long Tail hated dragging her tail for too long, and Fuzzy Fluff hated dragging her fuzzy fur around. Though, the mischief wouldn’t listen to them. It was their reason for living; they had to accept it. The alternative? Leave the mischief. Immediately.

They didn’t complain after that. Nobody wanted to leave the mischief, that’s for certain.

To make sure we were ready to face the world of the hunters, Elder Koratta—the leader of our mischief—had a few stories to tell to us young Rattata. Warnings for us about all kinds of bigger creatures that could hunt us and our family. So, we gathered at the center of our home, under the shade of some trees, together with our Mothers. Once we were ready, our leader started narrating the tales.

Of the Noctowl, big birds with red eyes who chased us during the moon phases. If we saw one, we had to hide in our tunnels. If they saw us, it was over. No question. I had to make sure to not go look for food under the moon, then.

She told us about something that happened some moon phases ago, about a member of our mischief who was foolish enough to ignore Elder Koratta’s warning — as soon as he exited his den, he began wiggling in the air as he was taken away by an invisible mind magic. Finding his white remains under a tree and seeing those red eyes and that sharp beak from the Noctowl were good enough motivation to not repeat the same mistake.

By judging Big Eater’s nervous twitches of his whiskers, he surely wouldn’t have tried to sneak out of our den to look for food under the moon anymore. As if he didn’t eat enough as is.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Growlithe, orange creatures with black stripes. They could manipulate hot magic to cover us in painful red heat. It was one of the only times that gaining red on the fur was very, very bad. Losing red, gaining red… both very bad. It looks like we had to keep the amount of red life we had since birth inside our bodies. No more and no less. Oh, and they liked biting us and shaking us until we were too weak too move. Or until we lost all our red life. Or until we gained too much red life. Whichever happened first.

Fuzzy Fluff began licking her fur furiously after hearing the tale. She, more than anyone, didn’t want any red heat or red life ruining her beautiful fur. Long Tail, however, raised her head and ears with confidence. Maybe she believed that her tail could keep her fresh and protect her from the hot magic?

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Ekans, purple creatures with no paws. Though, their snuggles were very painful. If they snuggled you, you were gone. Oh, and they had fangs with poison magic. You were gone if they bit you, too. Oh, and they loved hunting small pups. They, too, were gone if Ekans bit or snuggled them.

I recall Hard Biter and Far Searcher whimpering when Elder Koratta told the story, their whiskers and ears going back: were their siblings gone because of a pawless creature? I never got the answer to that.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Furret, long creatures with brown stripes and sharp claws and fangs. They were our biggest enemies, as they hunted us during the sun phases—the times in which we looked for food. They were killers, who could invade our dens with ease and hunt both young and old. We lost many members of our mischief because of them. For this reason, we had to keep them away from our dens by luring them away from our home, even if that meant losing our red life. It was the only way to make sure that our mischief survived.

Everyone started hissing after hearing the Furret tale. We all hated those Furret.

However, Elder Koratta had kept one last story, the scariest of all: a myth of legendary creatures known as Mahoun—huge bipedal monsters, capable of controlling creatures with their powerful mind, hot and poison magic, and hunters of all creatures. They were hunters that could hunt hunters, stronger and more dangerous than Noctowl, Growlithe, Ekans, and Furret together. No creature could ever hope to face them, especially not Rattata. We had to avoid them at all costs—no one knew what happened to the creatures caught by those monsters. Not even their red life and white remains had ever been found. They were gone. Forever.

My siblings were so terrified after the tale! They began squealing in fear, cowering at the idea of the Mahoun, the most dangerous creatures. They were so scared that Fuzzy Fluff didn’t complain when Big Eater and Long Tail cuddled by her side. Hard Biter and Far Searcher weren’t faring much better, snuggling with each other for comfort. Mother and Bright Eyes twitched their whiskers, appearing nervous. They knew the stories about those creatures, but even they were still unnerved at the single mention of Mahoun.

However, but it was very different for me. Those Mahoun didn’t scare me, but instead fascinated me—there were creatures stronger than the strongest hunters? Hunters that could hunt hunters? That was amazing! If there was a way to befriend a Mahoun and make it our ally, it could help protect my mischief from the weaker hunters. I would no longer be the bad of the mischief! I would be good!

I approached Elder Koratta, lowering my head toward her with respect. «Elder Koratta.»

She turned to me, shaking her whiskers while her ears shifted in my direction. «Tiny Fang need?»

I lifted my head and held my tail on the floor, looking relaxed. «Yes! Elder Koratta seen Mahoun?»

«Why ask?» she wondered, leaning forward and looking inquisitively at me.

«Curious.»

«No. Never seen.»

I stared intently at Elder Koratta, my ears flicking back and forth. How did she know so much about Mahoun without seeing them? «Why never?»

«Mahoun dangerous. Too dangerous!» she squealed, her ears folded back.

«How Elder Koratta know Mahoun?»

Elder Koratta narrowed her eyes and looked at the trees. «Creature tales. Other creatures tell. Other creatures seen.» She looked again at me, her eyes becoming tiny. «Survivors. Returned survivors.»

Oh, I understood. Few creatures survived to tell the stories about the Mahoun. Right. Well, despite the warning, I was still eager to know more about them. I didn’t know why that was—simple curiosity, maybe?

Still, no other Rattata shared my interest. Not even Far Searcher wanted to know about them! He even told me to not talk about them again, which displeased me. But he was my friend, so I stopped talking about them.

I was alone in that, and nobody would ever tell me anything about the Mahoun. Everyone was so scared of them and mocked me for being interested in them.

I was sad. Very sad.



Something new happened that warm sun phase! During my scout routine around our home—the mischief didn’t entrust me with anything more than that—I detected the scent of an unknown Rattata. By following the trace, I located the intruder hiding in the shadows. He was looking around our home and sniffing into our dens. I knew what he was doing: he was trying to steal our food! So, I ran into Elder Koratta’s den to inform her.

«Intruder! Thief!» I squealed with all my voice. «Hurry! Hurry!»

At hearing that, our leader gathered some of our strongest members and confronted the unknown Rattata. They all arched their backs and showed their fangs when they found him, while I looked at the scene from the hole of the den.

«Out! Get out!» hissed Elder Koratta, swiping her claws forward. «Thief no welcome!»

However, the strange Rattata did something unexpected: he lowered his body toward the floor and waved his tail, keeping his head close to the floor. He took a slow step back while twitching his whiskers nervously. That meant submission.

«No thief. Want join mischief,» he squeaked hesitantly, before looking at the ground. «Can join?»

Elder Koratta and the others were surprised by the request. It was very rare for a Rattata to want to join another mischief. Usually, that happened because the original mischief chased the Rattata away for being bad or some other reason.

Elder Koratta narrowed her eyes suspiciously. «Why want join?»

«Home no more,» he answered, looking at our leader with respect. «Can help. Very strong. Can walk under moon.» He waved his forepaws in front of his eyes. «See in dark.»

«…Wait. Mischief decide.»

Having said that, Elder Koratta chittered with the other most important members of our mischief, while two of our strongest fighters supervised the foreign Rattata. Without being seen, I followed Elder Koratta’s group to listen to their discussion.

From what I understood, our situation was bad: we had lost a couple of our food gatherers in the last few sun phases. A pack of pink creatures with blue collars called Snubbull had invaded our side of the forest and started hunting any unprepared creature. They were almost as bad as Growlithe! As such, it had become harder to both find food and defend our home. Having a new member in our mischief would have been beneficial for our situation.

So, they decided: the foreign Rattata could join. And getting a new member in our mischief meant one thing.

Scent-sharing!

Exchanging scents to make a new member smell like us was a very important ritual among mischiefs. As no Rattata could belong to two mischiefs at the same time, we had to remove all scents of his previous mischief from his fur. And the best way to do that was by snuggling with all members of our mischief to get their scents, before snuggling with the new Rattata to make him smell like us.

I loved scent-sharing! It was one of my favorite activities—it was really nice to snuggle with everyone. Except with Hard Biter, because his snuggles were very rough. I think he snuggled rough with me on purpose. However, scent-sharing was also a good way to force Fuzzy Fluff to snuggle with us, much to her annoyance. Now she was nice to snuggle with!

I wished we would scent-share more often…

Anyway, as soon as we finished removing all traces of the original mischief from the new Rattata, it was time to make him a part of our mischief. As for tradition, any new member needed a new name as the final proof that he didn’t belong to the old mischief anymore. It was up to the leader of the mischief to choose the new name.

Elder Koratta named him Black Whiskers, the moon Rattata.



Black Whiskers was a strange Rattata. He had a much darker pelt and thicker whiskers, and was very good at traveling under the moon and at avoiding attacks from Noctowl—their mind magic didn’t work on him. Also, nobody was good at searching for food during the moon phase as him.

He would almost always walk on two paws, using his tail to support himself. The few times he went on all four was when he needed to run, which wasn’t often. Also, he used words that no other Rattata—not even Elder Koratta—knew about, like ‘electricity’ and ‘beach’. There were times I wondered if he just created those words to appear smarter.

Also, he ate as much as three members of our mischief, but he made up for that by finding good-tasting and non-poison food. Big Eater and Far Searcher had found a new rival, for two different reasons!

However, there was one thing that I found bizarre: when he slept during the sun phase, his fur would often jut out, then he would wake up with a jump and run around our home. He would keep his fur puffed as if he was sick, but he didn’t smell sick…?

He always screamed «Black! Too black! Smoke!» many times, before passing out from exhaustion.

We asked him why he behaved like that, but he wouldn’t tell. Whenever asked, he would just sit and stare. Stare at nothing, react to nothing. Nobody knew what to do about that. We just let him be whenever he acted like that.



One moon phase, I woke up with a terrible thirst. I panted softly, feeling the dryness in my mouth. I looked at my family: still sleeping. Long Tail seemed perfectly fine, while Mother and the other siblings twitched in their sleep. Maybe they were thirsty, too, but their bodies refused to wake them up.

Finding myself unable to sleep, I stood up and crawled through the tunnel of our den. I peeked outside, making sure that no Noctowl or Growlithe was lurking in the shadows. With a few sniffs, I confirmed that there was no hunter around, so I exited from the den. However, I heard a noise and grew immediately alert. Narrowed eyes and flattened ears, I dawdled toward the noise, which was coming from our pond. Did someone try to steal our water?

Cautiously, I looked toward the pond, and I saw who the intruder was.

…It was just Black Whiskers. Right. Moon Rattata.

I came out of my hiding spot and walked toward Black Whiskers. He was sitting under a tree, crushing some blueberries with his paws. I leaned curiously. You normally eat blueberries, not crush them.

Black Whiskers realized that I was there and stared at me. His ears took a deep shade of pink—happiness.

«Tiny Fang! Hello!» he chirped.

«Hello,» I responded hastily, not wanting to talk with a dry mouth. So, I headed toward the pond and drank some water. Ah, what a relief that was!

«Tiny Fang thirsty, see,» commented Black Whiskers, before redirecting his attention to the blueberries and continuing crushing them.

«Yes,» I responded, feeling much better after refreshing my mouth. «Good water.»

«Very good. Yes.»

I sat beside the pond, staring intently at Black Whiskers. As I was still feeling sleepless, I considered talking to him. This was a good chance; we never talked much due to him walking during the moon phases and me walking during the sun phases.

«Black Whiskers like mischief?»

He shook his whiskers a little, before responding with a happy chirp. «Yes. Mischief good. Best mischief seen!»

«Why Black Whiskers leave other mischief?» I asked, leaning forward with curiosity. «Other mischief bad?»

«…No.» Black Whiskers narrowed his eyes, while his ears folded. «Mischief… all gone,» he chirruped, splashing some crushed blueberries on the tree. «Searched new mischiefs. No mischief accepted. Been lonely. Many suns and many moons.»

I could feel my own ears folding on my head. «Sorry. Very sad!»

«No worry! Better now!» he replied reassuringly, running his paws on the blueberries water on the tree and giving it a mysterious shape.

I looked inquisitively at the shape, sniffing intently at it. Fruity. I turned to Black Whiskers, confused by his strange action. «What Black Whiskers do?»

«Paint.»

I flicked my ears, not knowing what that word meant. «‘Paint’?»

«Put color on color. Brown can become blue,» he said, motioning toward the blue shape hiding the brown of the tree. I didn’t understand the purpose of that action, but the tree looked different from the other trees, at least.

«All moon Rattata paint?»

«No. Mahoun taught.»

«Mahoun?!» I leaned close to Black Whiskers, my nose almost touching his whiskers. «Black Whiskers meet Mahoun?»

«Meet many. Yes.»

I could feel my ears twitching in excitement—someone could tell me more about the Mahoun! I stepped forward. «Mahoun how look?»

«Mahoun not have one look. Mahoun shapeshifters.»

Another of Black Whiskers’ strange words. I narrowed my eyes in confusion. «‘Shapeshifters’?»

«Can change fur. Every sun, new fur.»

«New fur?» I thought a lot about that, not recalling any creature who could change their fur. Not every sun phase, at least. «Mahoun like… Eevee?»

«Mahoun like Eevee. Yes.»

«Ooh!» I chirped, very interested. That was something that nobody had ever told me. «Black Whiskers talked to Mahoun?»

«Talked but not understood.» Black Whiskers sniffed his paint, before licking some blueberries water from his paws. «Mahoun talk differently.»

«Oh…»

Black Whiskers looked at me, his eyes gleaming under the moonlight. «Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun?»

Oh, yes, he was smart. All right. «Yes. Very interested.»

«Tiny Fang want meet Mahoun?»

I squealed so loud that I was almost afraid of attracting a Noctowl. Maybe he could lead me to the Mahoun? I didn’t hesitate with my answer. «Yes!»

«…Bad thought,» chittered Black Whiskers, looking at me with a dark stare. «Forget bad thought. Forget Mahoun.»

I stared at Black Whiskers in disbelief. Finally someone knew about the Mahoun, and he asked me to forget them?

«No! Want meet! Not forget!» I squeaked, showing angry eyes and fangs.

«Tiny Fang must not meet!» he replied, showing his own fangs, which were larger than mine. Typical. «Never meet!»

«Why!? Not understand!»

«Seen things. Very bad things,» he continued, his eyes looking at nothing. «Mahoun forbidden for reason. Kidnappers. Hunters. Poisoners.» He looked back at his paint and ran a paw upwards. It created many little shapes, with some of them looking like… «Growlithe. Moon Mahoun control Growlithe. Hot magic. Mahoun control Koffing. Poison magic. Mahoun control all bad magics! Mahoun dangerous!»

«…Mahoun interesting,» I whispered. It was a scary thought, but I really wondered how creatures who could control all kinds of magic looked like.

«Mahoun very bad,» insisted Black Whiskers, his eyes becoming thinner. «…Got called ‘pest’.»

«‘Pest’?»

«Mahoun bad word.»

«Oh.» Considering how stubborn Black Whiskers was being with me, he probably deserved that bad word. I didn’t back down. «Want meet Mahoun. Soon!»

Black Whiskers looked at me for a long time until he let out a chirp. A taunting chirp. «Tiny Fang stupid.»

«Not stupid!» I yelled, very furious with the mean moon Rattata. «Black Whiskers not help? Find out! Alone!»

And with this, I ran away from Black Whiskers and back into my den, leaving him alone with his paint.

So, the only Rattata who could help me find the Mahoun didn’t want to help me. Nobody wanted to help me.

Then, I would have found where the Mahoun lived and meet one by myself, no matter what!



One sun phase, my mischief decided to start a big search for food. New pups were incoming and we needed to feed the new Mothers.

Many groups volunteered, but there was one group that interested me the most: Big Eater, Hard Biter, Far Searcher, and—strangely enough—Black Whiskers. They were going to explore a den that used to belong to Mahoun many suns and moons ago, which had a lot of stored food.

I chirped in joy. That was it! My chance to see if I could meet a Mahoun! I stepped forward, immediately offering myself. «Volunteer! Volunteer!»

Every single member of the mischief looked at me, in particular Black Whiskers. He had already understood why I wanted to go with them and looked at me with thin eyes. I didn’t care. He was just mean to me.

The mischief squeaked and squealed among themselves, surprised by my volunteering. The bad of the mischief wanted to join the most dangerous search? Elder Koratta had to squeak louder to stop everyone, before looking at me.

«Tiny Fang.» She approached me, looking directly in my eyes. «Search important and dangerous. Many hunters.» She narrowed her eyes. «Tiny Fang too small. Tiny Fang too frail. Tiny Fang too weak.»

«Careful! Be very careful!» I squeaked, mildly displeased that everyone thought I was not good for important searches. That would have been a good chance to prove my worth, too. «Can help! Yes!»

«No! Tiny Fang cannot go!» she squealed. «Very dangerous!»

«Want! Volunteer! Want!» I screamed.

«Tiny Fang cannot!» she hollered, starting to become furious.

«Elder Koratta cannot stop!» I hissed, arching my back and showing my fangs. «Will go!»

Then, I felt pain on my face and squeaked in shock. I moved a paw on my nose and saw some red life dropping on the ground. I looked at Elder Koratta, who just stared at me with disapproval and showed her red claws.

«No. Enough.»

That was the final response. The way she said that she meant that if I tried to talk back again, worse things would happen to me. I narrowed my eyes and folded my ears, sad and angry with her, before turning around and leaving the area. Everyone stared at me as I walked past them, shocked that I dared to talk back to Elder Koratta. Yes, I was the bad of the mischief, but I didn’t care about their gazes.

However, I wouldn’t give up. If I couldn’t join with the mischief knowing, I would join without the mischief knowing.

I hid in a nearby hole and waited. Waited for the search to start.



When the sun was above the woods, the search started. I followed the group from a distance, not wanting to alert them. They were going into an unknown area, which Black Whiskers seemed to know very well. Probably he was the one who suggested going in the den of the Mahoun to search for food.

I was very disappointed that nobody allowed me to explore this area. It was so much different from the rest of the forest. So many colors, like yellow and orange. So many new scents, like ‘gold berry’ and ‘mint berry’. So many creatures I had never seen, like white singing balls and living rocks with paws.

After a short journey, the group stopped walking and chittered among themselves. I couldn’t hear what they were saying from where I was, but they soon split up and walked in different directions. I saw Far Searcher going toward something big that resembled a… square cave made of trees or something, and I followed him.

I saw him standing on his hind paws and sniffing the air, trying to detect some food scent. I immediately hid into a tree hole, not wanting him to find me. Once I didn’t hear his sniffs anymore, I walked out of my hiding spot. To my surprise, he was nowhere to be seen.

Confused by his sudden disappearance, I walked in the direction where he was standing. Then, something attacked me, and I let out a loud squeal and started struggling. A hunter, a hunter!

«Tiny Fang!?»

I stopped squealing and looked at my aggressor. It was Far Searcher, who was pinning me to the ground.

«Oh! Hello Far Searcher!»

Far Searcher let go of me, before lowering his head toward me with an inquisitive and admonishing stare. «Tiny Fang! Why here?»

«Want see Mahoun den!» I responded immediately.

Far Searcher narrowed his eyes. «Tiny Fang, go back.»

«No! Not back! Only see, yes?» I leaned forward, narrowing my own eyes. «Far Searcher. Let join! Be back after see.» I wagged my tail, showing a pleading look. «Friends, yes? Friends help!»

Far Searcher stared at me for a long time. He seemed conflicted. However, he soon lowered his tail and showed a resigned expression. «…Tiny Fang can join.» He narrowed his eyes again, meaning that he was very serious. «Tiny Fang must stay close! Know quick blur. Can protect.»

«Yes! Very close! Yes! Thanks!» I responded. I wouldn’t disappoint him.

Reassured by my promise, Far Searcher and I walked toward the wood cave, in search of food.



The inside of the wood cave was immense. There was enough space for many mischiefs and their pups. I sniffed around the area, detecting the smell of wet trees and the scent of crawling plants. Far Searcher was staring at me, apparently puzzled by my curiosity.

«Why Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun?» he asked, breaking the silence.

I turned to him, surprised that he was asking me about that. After all, he told me to never talk about them again. «Like Mahoun. Very powerful. Wish be powerful.»

«Mahoun dangerous,» he warned me.

«Be careful!» I responded quickly. «Want see. No more.» I looked again at a strange thing made of wood. «Far Searcher look many places. Ever seen Mahoun?»

«No. Never searched.»

I looked again at him. «Far Searcher. Help search?»

«Cannot,» he replied firmly. «Feed mischief, reason for living. Help mischief, reason for living. Find Mahoun, not reason for living.»

I stared at him for a long time. Then, I lowered my head as my ears folded back. «Help mischief… not reason for living,» I whispered, displeased with myself and with me being the bad of the mischief. «Too weak. Mischief not trust.»

Far Searcher said nothing for a while, as he looked at me with a sad expression. He leaned forward, nuzzling me gently. «Tiny Fang. Find Mahoun be reason for living?»

I looked quizzically at him. I had never thought about that. «…Yes, maybe.»

«Find Mahoun… important for Tiny Fang?» he asked, lifting his ears.

I paused once more, before narrowing my eyes. «Yes. Very important.»

«Understand,» Far Searcher looked away for a while, apparently thinking about something, before looking at me. His ears had taken a bright pink shade. «Will help find Mahoun!»

«Yes!?» I replied, my eyes becoming wide.

«Yes! Friends help! Tiny Fang good friend! Tiny Fang will see Mahoun!» he said, appearing convinced and confident. «Feed mischief first. Then will help.»

«Thanks Far Searcher!» I squealed in joy, rubbing my nose with Far Searcher’s in gratitude. «Will help find food! Yes! Yes!»

Far Searcher snuggled with me, apparently happy about cheering me up. There was absolutely no doubt. He was my most best friend.



Determined to help Far Searcher, I put a lot of effort into searching for some good food. I waddled on top of a long ground made of wood, making sure to not stray too far from Far Searcher, until I found a big dark hole. By looking downward, I saw long flat pieces of wood, one above the other. Were those the roots of the wood cave?

I sniffed and shook my whiskers. Then, my eyes widened. There was a very appealing scent coming from the darkness. Food!

I descended in the dark hole by jumping on the roots of the wood cave, until I reached an area that was full of square things. Some of them were made of wood, but others were made of a gray mysterious element. It was cold, smooth, and hard. What was that?

However, I didn’t focus much on that as I tried to follow the scent. I needed to find food. Soon, I found out that the scent was coming from a nearby square, which had a tiny hole. By squeezing through the gap, I noticed many pieces of corn lying on the ground. Ooh! I loved corn!

I crawled into the place and grabbed one piece in my jaws, before exiting through the hole and waddling toward the roots. I felt proud of myself as I dragged the prized meal.

However, my nose soon detected a bad scent, and I turned around quickly.

Creaks. Noises of something approaching. Something big.

I took a few steps backward, feeling my ears folding back, and ran toward the roots. But then, something jumped in front of me, showing sinister eyes and sharp fangs. The sight terrified me.

A giant Furret was looming over me, standing on its hind paws and showing its sharp claws. It swiped at me, forcing me to drop my piece of corn and run out of the way. I heard the Furret growling angrily, while I ran around its body and hurried toward the roots.

Out! I needed to get out!

Heavy steps followed me, and by looking behind, I noticed the Furret climbing the roots. It was chasing me!

The Furret lowered its body on a root and sprung toward me, trying to crush me with its huge paws. Luckily I was nimble, so I wiggled out of the way. It crashed into one of the roots with all its weight and hissed angrily. Its claws were stuck into the wood.

That was my chance! I climbed up the roots as fast as I could and exited the dark hole. I needed to get out of the wood cave!

But the Furret freed itself quickly and reached me before I could escape or hide. One claw struck my side, making me squeal in pain.

I began losing a lot of red life. It was the most horrible sensation, and it was more painful for me to move around. The Furret knew that and pounced at me. I barely managed to get out of the way.

I was becoming desperate! I wouldn’t have been able to avoid its attacks for long.

And then, I tripped and laid on the ground, paralyzed by pain and fear. I could see the Furret raising a paw, ready to run its claws across my body. I started shaking! It was going to kill me!

But then, I heard it yowl in surprise and fall on its side, knocked aside by something.

It was Far Searcher! He had used one of his quick blurs to strike the Furret.

He looked at me, his eyes showing urgency and terror. «Tiny Fang run!»

With some effort, I got back to my feet and began running. Far Searcher ran behind, standing between me and the Furret. I could hear the Furret growling darkly, before charging at us with renewed fury. It soon reached us, but before the Furret could strike, Far Searcher turned around and assaulted the killer with another quick blur. He rammed into one of its front paws and sank his fangs deep.

The Furret roared with fury, shaking the bitten paw around, while Far Searcher kept gnawing at it. But then, the Furret slammed Far Searcher to the ground with its hurt paw. A crack, the wood creaked and Far Searcher let out a sharp squeak.

«Far Searcher!» I squealed in horror, having seen some red under the Furret’s paw and on the floor.

I felt anger going into my body, my fear completely gone, and I rushed toward the Furret. I jumped and bit its muzzle, making it cry out in shock. It took some steps backward, freeing Far Searcher. Then, I let go of its nose and slammed the Furret on its chest while it was still stunned, making it crash into a square made of wood. The sharp wood pieces dug into the Furret, who shrieked in pain and wiggled its body, desperately trying to free itself from the broken square.

I heard a whimper and turned around to see Far Searcher standing up. His back had a strange red shape, and it looked like it was going inside its body rather than outside. I ran toward him, looking all over in concern.

«Far Searcher!?»

Far Searcher hissed, before dropping some red life from his mouth. He was very hurt! He was losing too much red life!

«Far Searcher! Red!» I squeaked in alarm, pushing him to get him to move. «Run away! Now!»

«Tiny… Fang…» he whispered, staring at me with sad eyes. «Hard… Biter… find… quick… forest…»

No! I didn’t want to leave him alone. Not with that killer around. I looked at the Furret—it managed to free one of its paws from the wood square, and was glaring at us with hateful fury. I looked again at Far Searcher, seeing that his ears had become more pink—happy? How could he be happy?

«Far Searcher…?» I asked in confusion.

«Go… friend… help…» he continued, touching my face with his nose and pushing me away. «Can… fight… Tiny… Fang… be… fine…»

I took a step back and looked at the Furret. Crack, another paw was free. It was moaning in pain, but it wouldn’t be long before it freed itself from the wood. I looked again at Far Searcher, who was looking at me with a resolute expression, and he pushed me again.

I took some harsh breaths and twitched nervously, reluctant to leave him alone, but I turned around and ran out of the wood house to look for Hard Biter. He was very strong, he could help!

I squealed with all the voice I had in my body. Squealed for the others to come. Squealed for help. And soon enough, I heard a squeal back.

Hard Biter!

«Tiny Fang?!» yelled Hard Biter, surprised to see me and shocked by my frenzy.

«Far Searcher need help!» I screamed. «Quick! Follow!»

Having gotten Hard Biter’s attention, I ran back to the wood cave. Soon, Big Eater and Black Whiskers found us and joined us. We were many, we could fight the Furret. We could save my most best friend!

Soon, we reached the area.

The Furret was no longer in the wood square. There was a lot of red on the ground. Red that was no paint. Red life.

…Far Searcher was gone.



Losing Far Searcher was a tragedy for the whole mischief. Not only was he loved by everyone, but he was also the best at finding food, the best good of the mischief. Now that he was gone and there were new pups, feeding the mischief had become a more difficult task.

I wept and whimpered inside a tiny hole, regretting joining the search. If I hadn’t followed them, he wouldn’t have gone back for me. He wouldn’t have taken the hit from Furret for me. He wouldn’t have lost all his red life for me.

All because I wanted to find the Mahoun. I was truly the worst bad of the mischief.

I couldn’t grieve his goneness with anyone. Everyone resented me. Bright Eyes, in particular, arched her back and showed her fangs whenever I came close to her. Same with Hard Biter, who hissed at me and even bit me once. Very hard.

I limped away from them. I understood. They needed space to grieve. To grieve the goneness of another son and another sibling. Gone because of me.

Elder Koratta and Mother weren’t much better. They barely acknowledged me, and my siblings did the same. I could see the anger in their eyes, the nervous twitches in their whiskers and the rigidness in their tails. They wouldn’t even let me enter our den. Big Eater stood in front of the entrance and forced me to leave. After trying to enter a couple of times, I gave up. He was way too strong for me.

As I needed some shelter from hunters and nobody wanted to accept me in their den, I went to the tunnel where Far Searcher and I encountered the Dunsparce. Nobody lived there anymore, so I used it as my den.

Last time we were together. Now I was alone.

All I had for food were scraps and leftovers. No member of the mischief would leave any portion for me. The pups had the priority. Pups who wouldn’t be a disappointment for their Mothers. Pups who wouldn’t be bad.

I had become an outcast, an intruder, a traitor. If they didn’t want me anymore, then I had to go somewhere else. But where?

As I sat by the pond of our home and looked at the moon, something creaked in the bushes. I perked up my ears and looked behind me.

Black Whiskers was there. He was holding in his paws a piece of apple. He walked forward and looked straight at me. «Eat.»

I stared at Black Whiskers, sniffing the apple: did he just bring some of his food for me? Out of everyone, I wouldn’t have expected him to do that. I wasn’t one to refuse a gift, and I was very hungry, so I ate that piece of apple in a single go.

«Thanks.»

Black Whiskers wiggled his whiskers, before eying me with sharp eyes. «Tiny Fang want leave?»

He was always so smart.

«Yes. Not wanted,» I chittered.

«Where?»

«Not know.»

«Tiny Fang be back?»

I paused for a long time and felt my ears folding back. «…No. Not back. Never back.»

«Oh.»

Black Whiskers seemed genuinely sad for me. He knew what it meant not being able to see your old mischief anymore.

«Leave. Soon,» I reaffirmed.

Black Whiskers shook his whiskers once more. His eyes shone, he was thinking about something. «Tiny Fang still want meet Mahoun?»

I looked at him in surprise. With all things happening those past sun phases and moon phases, I had pushed aside my desire to meet them.

«Mahoun?» I asked, narrowing my eyes. Then, I looked at the water. «Yes. Still want. But Black Whiskers right. Bad thought.» I began shaking. «Bad thought killed Far Searcher. Killed best friend.»

Black Whiskers sat beside me. «No. Not bad thought. Understand now.» He looked at me. «Tiny Fang dream.»

I looked back at him. «‘Dream’?»

«Yes. Dream. Dreams good. Dreams show happiness,» he chittered, before looking at the floor. «Forgot good dreams. Only bad dreams. Dreams of previous mischief.» He began shaking with sadness. «…Miss it.»

«Sorry.»

«Not be. Happened moons ago. Not go back.»

We looked at the moon, thinking about our respective pains. His past pain, my recent pain. Then, he broke the silence.

«…Fault. Part fault for Far Searcher gone,» he told me. «Ignored Tiny Fang. Ignored dream. Should not ignore.» He shook his whiskers and narrowed his eyes. He seemed regretful. «If not ignored… if helped Tiny Fang with Mahoun… Tiny Fang not unhappy… Far Searcher not gone.»

It seemed almost like he was taking part of the blame for Far Searcher’s goneness, or maybe he was trying to cheer me up. I didn’t know, I wasn’t feeling much better, anyway. No matter who was to blame, my most best friend was gone.

«…But not like Mahoun. Not trust Mahoun. Meet only bad Mahoun. Bad Mahoun with black fur and red shape,» he chirruped, before jutting out his fur. «Bad Mahoun used poison magic on mischief. Kidnapped mischief. Took mischief far from beach! Hurt mischief with needles!» He started hissing while his eyes narrowed. «Gone! All gone! Only survivor!»

I didn’t dare ask what ‘needles’ were, he was way too upset. But I understood that needles were bad, and I finally knew why Black Whiskers didn’t like the Mahoun—he met kidnappers. They had taken away his family and friends and hurt them. That saddened me.

I considered snuggling him for comfort, but I didn’t like the way he hissed at the water. I feared he would bite me out of frustration or something. So, I just looked at the ground, feeling terrible for being interested in the creatures that had hurt another Rattata so much.

«Thought all Mahoun bad! Never wanted forgive!» Then, he stopped hissing and looked again at me. «…But thought wrong.»

I glanced at him quizzically. That change of mood surprised me. «Wrong?»

«Not all Mahoun bad. Found good Mahoun.» He turned to the sky. «Seen Mahoun and creatures friends. No bad magic. No hurt. But family.»

«Mahoun and creatures… friends?»

«Yes. Talked to creatures. Learned way. Way to good Mahoun.» He looked again at me. «Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun. Can teach way.»

«What way?»

«Way to befriend. Weak creatures find Mahoun. Mahoun accept weak creatures. Weak creatures become strong.» He waved his forepaws over his eyes. «Seen many times. Creatures befriend Mahoun. Good Mahoun.»

«Can befriend Mahoun…?» I wondered. That seemed too good to be true.

«Tiny Fang can!» Black Whiskers looked very confident of his claim and almost offended by my doubt. «Tiny Fang weak. Tiny Fang can become strong. Mahoun can help.» He paused, probably to let the information sink in. «If Tiny Fang want… Can teach way. Take to good Mahoun.»

There was a long silence. I looked again at the moon, thinking hard about that possibility. Black Whiskers had finally agreed to lead me to the Mahoun, but… did I want to do it, now that I had the chance? It was my persistent desire to meet the Mahoun that got my most best friend killed, which made me the worst bad Rattata.

However, I would have never gotten another chance like this. I had to leave, anyway, and even without Far Searcher going, I would have left the mischief on my own soon enough. The Mahoun… I really wanted to meet them. And, deep inside, I still believe my wish is partly why Far Searcher gave up his red life for me. He fulfilled his reason for living until his goneness… by helping a friend. By making me escape so I could live and see the Mahoun.

I had to honor my most best friend by fulfilling my reason for living—finding Mahoun.

«Black Whiskers.» I stood to my feet and stared at him. «Mahoun where?»



As I found out, the Mahoun were much closer than I had ever imagined. There was a home full of Mahoun at the end of the forest, in an area surrounded by trees covered in pink flowers. They all lived in very big caves built with their powers, by raising them from the ground. Those caves looked much stronger than the wood cave found in the forest. I was amazed.

Black Whiskers motioned toward some tall grass. It was time to teach me how to meet and befriend a Mahoun.

«Tiny Fang hide. When Mahoun enter and look, Tiny Fang approach.» He looked at me. «Mahoun choose. Accept, Tiny Fang obey. No accept, Tiny Fang wait more.»

«Yes.»

«Tiny Fang must obey Mahoun. Always. Not obey, Mahoun abandon.»

«Understand.»

Black Whiskers looked intently at me, his ears folded behind. «…Tiny Fang not scared?»

«No…» I stopped, before feeling my ears going back. «…Little nervous.»

«Tiny Fang be fine.» Black Whiskers gave me a reassuring rub on my face. «Tiny Fang very brave.»

I looked at him in astonishment. «Brave…?»

«Yes! Tiny Fang do what others do not! Mahoun befriend brave!» he squeaked, showing that he truly believed in me. «Tiny Fang can! Tiny Fang be fine! Confident! Yes!»

I looked intently at Black Whiskers, my ears twitching back and forth. I had gained newfound respect for that moon Rattata. He was putting aside his dislike toward the Mahoun just to give me a chance. The chance to find a new home. My home.

I narrowed my eyes and held my ears high, confident once more.

«Nervous no more. Will do!» I chittered.

«…Good.» Black Whiskers looked uneasily at the trees, seeing that the moon was very low. There was no more time left. «Must go now.»

«Thanks for help.» I approached him, snuggling into his fur. That was the last time I would have snuggled with a member of my mischief. «Farewell Black Whiskers.»

Black Whiskers snuggled back, making some sad chirps. «Farewell Tiny Fang.»

And just like that, he ran into the forest and back to the mischief, just as the sun began racing in the sky. I waited there, in the tall grass. Waited for a Mahoun to accept me.



Panting. I was panting as I moved back and forth in the tall grass. I noticed some Caterpie crawling inside the grass, but I paid them no attention. I saw some Weedle, too. I had to pay attention to them, to avoid their poison needles.

And then, the grass creaked. I spun to the noise, seeing what entered into the tall grass.

Huge creature, two eyes, standing on two legs, strange fur… Ah, yes! No doubt, a Mahoun had appeared!

I walked closer, wanting to see it better. It was very big, almost as big as a Machoke. It was looking into the tall grass, searching for something.

That was the signal! I rushed forward, appearing in front of the Mahoun. Its scent smelled very strong, almost pungent: a male, most likely. My whiskers and ears were twitching a lot. Fear? Excitement? Happiness? I couldn’t say.

The Mahoun stared at me for a long time. Deciding if he wanted to accept me or not. However, he shook his head and walked in another direction, away from the tall grass.

Oh. He didn’t accept me. I felt very dejected, but decided to try again.

I hid once more, waiting for another Mahoun. Soon enough, another one entered the tall grass. Without hesitation, I stepped forward and walked in front of the Mahoun. This one had longer fur on its back, and its scent was more delicate—a female, maybe?

She looked down at me and released a loud shrill. That greatly startled me. What did it mean? Was it yes? Or no?

She dropped a red and white ball to the ground, and a pink creature with blue collar and black eyes appeared in front of me.

Pink body and blue collar… Oh, was that a Snubbull? So that was another show of Mahoun’s great magic: they could create creatures! Could they create Rattata, too?

I tried to talk to the Mahoun. I was very curious! However, the Snubbull showed her fangs and barked at me, before chasing me. I squeaked in fear and ran back into the tall grass, leaving her alone with the Mahoun.

Female Mahoun had decided. It was no. That made me very sad.

By the time the sun raced above me, I was losing hope and strength. No Mahoun had accepted me: they ignored me, or scared me with other creatures, or even attacked me with other creatures!

My mischief didn’t want me, the Mahoun didn’t want me… Who wanted me? Why did no one want me? Was I the worst bad Rattata in the world? …Maybe I truly was. I started whimpering in distress.

Another rustle, another Mahoun. I didn’t even get up, too sad and weak to get another refusal. The Mahoun stepped in my direction, looking directly at the tall grass. And then, it found me.

“Ah! A wild Rattata!”

I looked up, seeing that the Mahoun had walked in front of me, unlike the others. From up close, I could smell it better—another male. He was smaller than the other Mahoun I had seen, but still much bigger than me. He lowered himself to his four paws and tilted his head, while his eyes shone brightly.

“Hello! What are you doing here?”

I narrowed my eyes. How could I understand his language, despite never hearing it before? Was it because of the Mahoun’s mind power? …Yes, probably that was it.

«Looking for Mahoun. Accept?» I asked.

The Mahoun just blinked in confusion. Oh. He didn’t understand me. Black Whiskers said that they couldn’t understand us. Probably that was a power they lacked, strangely enough.

“Are you hungry?”

Hungry…? Actually, I was hungry. I had been waiting for a Mahoun to accept me throughout all sun phase. I twitched my whiskers. «Yes.»

The Mahoun kept looking at me while his eyes narrowed. He moved one hand inside the fur of his leg and took out a brown round thing. I sniffed at it curiously.

“I have a cookie. Do you want it?”

A ‘cookie’… what was that? It smelled good, so I bit a piece off of it. It tasted even better. I had realized then that I was starving, so I ate the ‘cookie’ in a few bites.

The Mahoun kept looking at me, before curling the corners of his mouth upwards. I didn’t understand that sign. Was that a threat, or…?

“You seem a good Rattata. Would you like to be my Pokémon?”

Oh, that didn’t seem like a threat. It was nice that he considered me a good Rattata, but what was a ‘Pokémon’? I had never heard that name before. Maybe it meant ‘accepted’, as in ‘my accepted’? I nuzzled his hand, tapping it many times with my nose. Yes, I wanted to be his ‘accepted’.

The Mahoun looked over me, before wincing. That reaction startled me, I didn’t attack him! Though, I realized that he was staring at the red on my paw. Oh… yes. The result of an assault from a Growlithe created by a Mahoun. The red heat had become brown, but it still felt very hot.

“Oh, no! You’re hurt…” he said with a whimpering tone, moving his hand into his leg fur again. From it, came out a magic ball—just like the ones used by other Mahoun to attack me. I squeaked in fear and felt my ears folding, afraid of the creature hiding inside of it. However, the Mahoun placed a hand on my head and rubbed me slowly. He started talking, his voice very gentle, “Don’t worry. I’ll take you to the Pokémon Center to get you healed. You’ll be fine. Really.”

I didn’t understand some of those words, but ‘don’t worry’ and ‘fine’ stood out for me.

Fine… Fine… I would be fine.

I lowered myself to the ground, tucking my paws under my body. I did my best to appear relaxed, to let him know that I wasn’t afraid. Somehow, I knew I could trust that Mahoun.

The Mahoun did that action again: curling the corners of his mouth upwards, even if his eyes seemed to say something else—concern, maybe. Then, he pressed the magic ball on my head.

What happened next is something I couldn’t describe. I felt like something invisible had grabbed me and pulled me toward the magic ball. This invisible power forced me to curl up, as the magic ball closed and trapped me inside.

There was darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness, and I passed out.



Light. An intense light was shining over me, both inside and outside my body.

A strange fog had invaded my mind. I heard the cries of my mischief, screaming at me I was the worst bad. I saw Far Searcher and Black Whiskers, both telling me I would be fine. I saw the face of the small Mahoun, who reached out for me with his hand. I heard distant sounds that I couldn’t recognize, beeps that pierced my ears.

And I passed out once more.



“Okay, you can come out!”

I felt the invisible force grabbing me, before dragging me outside of the magic ball. This magic dropped me on some smooth white ground, and I shook my ears and whiskers as I slowly regained my senses.

That sensation felt so strange… was I born again? It felt like I was reborn thanks to some kind of magic, but by looking at myself, I saw I wasn’t a newborn.

Also, I was feeling… fine. No, better than fine. The fatigue of the past sun phases and moon phases had disappeared. The pain and wounds of the creatures who attacked me were gone, too. Also, I noticed that the hot brown on my paw had disappeared. Did the magic ball do this to me? Mahoun’s powers were truly amazing!

Then, I felt something wrap around my chest and lift very high. I squeaked in shock—an Ekans, an Ekans!

…No, that was not it. I detected a familiar scent, not poison, and looked behind me.

It was the small Mahoun, holding me in his hands while showing a curled-up mouth. “Mom! Look what I’ve caught with my birthday Poké Ball!” he squealed, holding me higher. “A Rattata!”

In front of us, there was a much taller Mahoun, who was looking at the creature holding me. I sniffed at it—female, maybe an elder. So she was Mom.

She stared at me and hummed. I could feel myself being much smaller under that stare, and the sensation became much stronger when she placed a hand on my head—was she going to crush me!? …No, she didn’t. She patted my head, and I dared open my eyes.

The corners of her mouth rose slightly. If only I knew what that meant! It was a positive sign, however, this much I had understood.

“Ah, a Rattata?” she asked, looking intently at me. “Well, a Rattata is a good choice for a starting Trainer. They are easy to raise and train.”

“Yeah!” he exclaimed, before looking at me with a sad expression. “This little guy was attacked by other Pokémon. He had a bad burn and some scratches all over his body. So, I caught him and took him to the Pokémon Center. I couldn’t just leave him in the tall grass all by himself…”

“I see. That was nice of you, darling,” she responded with pride in her voice, before putting her hand under my chin and lifting my head. This action startled me, but I didn’t react out of fear of making her angry. I remembered what happened when I fought Elder Koratta, and I didn’t want a repeat. “Hmm… by judging his overall body size and the length of his fangs, I think this is a Zeta Rattata.”

The smaller Mahoun tilted his head. “Zeta Rattata?”

“A Zeta Rattata is the lowest member of the hierarchy, the runt of the nest. They rarely live long, due to being subject to great amounts of stress from the alphas and betas. I can say that because this Rattata looks smaller than average and shows signs of undernourishment. My theory is that other Pokémon attacked him after he was abandoned by his family. However, that’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a rich diet and some adequate supplements and vitamins.”

…I didn’t understand most of what Mom just said, so I wasn’t sure whether her words were good or bad. However, the smaller Mahoun seemed to have understood and tilted his head up and down.

“Oh, okay. The nurse said something like that, too.” He looked at me, and I could see compassion in his eyes. “You had a very tough life, huh?”

If only he knew. If only I could tell him.

“Well, you’re part of my family now!” He opened his mouth and showed his teeth. Normally, that would be a threatening expression, but from his eyes and the tone of his voice, I understood that it was a friendly gesture. Mahoun were strange creatures. “And I’ll take good care of you. I won’t mistreat and abandon you like your family! I promise!” He lowered his paws and wrapped them around me, keeping me pressed on his chest. “I will be your friend.”

Ah, scent-sharing! Instinctively, I shook my whiskers and snuggled onto him, exchanging our respective scents. He reacted to that by making something similar to happy chirps and rubbing my head with his fingers.

Finally, I had found a mischief who accepted me. I had fulfilled my reason for living. I had found the Mahoun.

I wheeked with uncontrollable joy. I was so much happy.

I was home.



“Ah, right! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Gorō!” said the small Mahoun, while carrying me to a new place named ‘bedroom’.

Gorō… what a bizarre name.

There was something I had learned from his scent: he was young and healthy, just like me. However, he didn’t seem to have other siblings, unlike me. His scent had the traces of Mom’s scent and the strong scent of another big Mahoun. I didn’t detect the scent of any other Mahoun. He was very lucky.

We reached the ‘bedroom’, and Gorō introduced me to a soft resting spot named ‘bed’ and a flat and long wood rectangle with four legs named ‘desk’. On top of it was a strange gray square with a black square named ‘kompyutah’. I stared at the black square in confusion: was there another Rattata with another Mahoun? I waved my paw and the other Rattata waved at me. Well, at least it seemed nice.

Gorō took me away from the ‘kompyutah’ and showed me a tiny thing named ‘toy’. It was a pink round item, like the magic ball he used to ‘catch’ me. He put me back to the ground and in front of the ‘toy’, before sitting beside me. I sniffed the ‘toy’ curiously and bit into it. It released a loud squeak.

Was it another Rattata? A pink Rattata? I opened my jaws in shock and looked at Gorō. He was curling the corners again, so that was positive…?

I bit the ‘toy’ again. No red life… I quickly realized that it wasn’t alive. I kept chewing it, feeling my bite becoming stronger and going further, and my fangs being trimmed. It felt like chewing a walnut, but nicer.

“So, do you like it?” asked Gorō, looking intently at me. I looked back at him, wheeking to let him know that yes, I liked that!

However, a black creature entered in the ‘bedroom’, barking incessantly. It had an orange muzzle, with dangling tongue and a full set of sharp fangs. A hunter!

I dropped the ‘toy’ and hid behind Gorō, terrified by the unknown creature. Gorō looked at me, showing gentle eyes. “Don’t be afraid, Rattata,” he said reassuringly, patting me on my head. “That’s Wildfire, our Houndour. She’s friendly, she won’t hurt you.”

Wildfire noticed me and took a quick sniff. She yapped and bent herself to the ground, looking at me with interest. «New!! New pup!!» she barked, wagging her tail. «Wanna play?! Please, play!!»

I stared at Wildfire, very confused by her behavior. No hunter had ever acted like that with a Rattata. At least, no hunter had ever bothered to talk to a Rattata. I wondered if other hunters could talk, too.

«Not hunt…?» I asked uneasily.

«Hunt?! Noo!!» she replied incredulously, tilting her head. «Rattata pup is family!! Don’t hunt!!»

I looked at Gorō, who tilted his head up and down. Another positive signal. Hesitantly, I walked toward Wildfire, keeping my ears folded. She leaned toward me and gave me a quick lick on my face.

Now that was something I understood. She truly meant no harm. I felt my ears standing up, and I became much more relaxed.

“Ah, see? Told you! She’s a good pup!” said Gorō, patting Wildfire with joy in his eyes and showing his curled-up mouth.

«Why Gorō curl mouth?» I asked Wildfire.

«Smile!!» she responded, trying to imitate the action herself. That only made her look scarier to me, but Gorō seemed amused. «Smile is good!! Smile means happy!! Human is happy!!»

«Human?» I narrowed my eyes, very confused. «No Mahoun…?»

«Human is Mahoun!! Same creature!!» she explained. «Wild pups say Mahoun!! Pokémon say Humans!!»

Mahoun and Humans… same creature…

I glanced at Gorō, noticing how he did that action while looking at us—‘smile’. So he was happy with us. Nice.

“Why don’t you play with each other?” asked Gorō, before looking intently at Wildfire. “But don’t be rough with him, Wildfire. He is much smaller than you.”

«I won’t!!» she yapped at Gorō, before looking at me. «Play chase!! I grab ball; you steal!!»

With this said, she grabbed the ‘toy’ in her jaws and began running around the ‘bedroom’. Still confused by the situation, I chased her and stole the ball from her jaws. Then, she chased me and stole the ball from me. And we continued doing that, many times, while Gorō ‘smiled’ at us. That was so much fun!

Like that, I became friends with a hunter.



A mischief of Mahoun—or rather, of Humans—didn’t seem that terrifying, once you knew them better. They lacked real fur mostly, except their heads, and they hid their skins with things called ‘clothes’. Funny name.

Gorō, in particular, had brown fur on his head and always hid his skin with a yellow ‘cloth’ on his chest and a blue ‘cloth’ on his legs. I wondered why they did that. Maybe ‘clothes’ are the source of their powers?

The moon phase after my ‘catch’, Gorō gave me some small crunchy balls called ‘Pokémon food’. He said those were for small Pokémon like me. I still don’t understand what ‘Pokémon’ means. He used that word with all other creatures living with Humans, so maybe it means ‘creature friend’?

He wanted to be my friend… Well, I surely considered him a friend! And all other creatures of the mischief considered Humans friends, too, and it was nice to see how we were a family where no one was bad. Only good.

The ‘Pokémon food’ was delicious. Dry, yes, but it was much richer than what I used to eat in the woods. And it was all for me! Big Eater wouldn’t be able to steal my food anymore!

I missed my old mischief… until I recalled how everyone, excluding Far Searcher and Black Whiskers, treated me.

And then, I looked at my new mischief. At Wildfire eating Pokémon food with a Houndoom, a bigger Houndour with horns. At Gorō, Mom and someone named Dad, eating together and sharing big ‘smiles’. Everyone looked so… happy. I was happy.

I didn’t miss my old mischief anymore.



Something I learned about creatures living with Humans is that they often fight against other creatures. Though, it never ends with one of the two losing all their red life. It was more like those games you play with your siblings—you end up hurt, but you grow stronger with each battle.

So, I had to fight another creature. It was a Sentret, probably a cub of some Furret. She didn’t look too confident—surely she was fearing Gorō, or me accompanying Gorō. That was very satisfying, seeing a tiny killer looking at me in fear.

I remembered the goneness of Far Searcher, my most best friend… Well, I was more determined to fight.

Gorō told me to use ‘tail whip’. Sure, I had a tail, but what was a ‘whip’? Tail… Tail… Oh, there was something I could do with my tail! I turned around and began shaking it, sending white magic toward the Sentret. She growled, not appreciating the weakening effect of my power.

Gorō smiled and cheered. So I did well? That was what he asked me? That was a ‘tail whip’? I had to remember that.

However, the Sentret rushed toward me while I was distracted and ran her claws on my side. I winced, that hurt a bit. I saw Gorō wincing as well, looking concerned. However, he showed resolute eyes and told me to ‘tackle’.

I hissed at the Sentret and rammed into her. By judging her expression, I had hurt her a lot more.

“Yes! Keep doing that!” cried out Gorō, showing a big smile. I looked back at him and wheeked in response. I would have given it all!

The Sentret scratched me once more, and I ‘tackle’ once more. She shrieked and fell to the ground with a thud. She began panting and twitching, too exhausted to keep fighting, while Gorō squealed happily.

“Wohoo! Way to go!”

I shook in excitement. Did I really win, for once…? And against a killer? So it was true! Humans could make creatures stronger! Humans could make creatures winners! I was strong! Strong!

That felt… good. Very good!

The Sentret fled toward the woods, while Gorō approached me. He showed a big smile and patted me on my head. That felt so nice.

“Good job! I knew you could do it!”

That made me feel so happy, so appreciated. I snuggled onto Gorō, who chirped happily in response.

“You are a good Rattata!”

Yes… finally, I was a good Rattata.



The Pidgey lies on the floor, cooing weakly and tiredly. It vanishes in a bright light, trapped again into its magic ball. Akira, the other Human, looks at Gorō with a surprised expression.

“Wow, your Rattata is so tough! How did he become so strong?” he asks Gorō, his eyes showing curiosity. There is some sadness in his voice, probably because he lost this time. That was despite sending two creatures against me.

Gorō laughs, showing one of his ‘toothy’ smiles. “Well, I have trained a lot with some good training buddies!”

Yes, I will say that battling with Wildfire and the Human with blue hair and eyes has helped a lot.

“Ah, I see. Well, can we battle again someday?” said Akira, before showing a smile, too. “I won’t lose next time!”

“Sure! I’d love to!”

Akira and Gorō shake each other’s hands—a greeting among Humans—and say goodbye to each other.

When Akira leaves, Gorō lowers himself to my level and pats me on my head. “You did great! I’m so glad you are my Pokémon!” he says happily. I am glad to be his Pokémon, too. “You know, I think we could become champions, one day.” He shakes his head, before his eyes shine with pure determination. “No, better than that! We will become legendary!”

Become legendary… Yes, I like that much. This will be my new reason for living. With Gorō, my most best Human friend, I will show to the world what I am capable of. That even bad Rattata can be good Rattata.

As for tradition, since I am a member of a new mischief, I needed a new name. Gorō picked one for me.

My new name is Top Percentage.

…And I love that.


The End
 
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WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
I only skimmed to see what changed, and the character motivations (especially the relationships with Black Whiskers and Far Searcher) are much clearer! 👏🏻💪🏻
 

Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
Staff
Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
Oooh, I'm obviously a sucker for underdog (er, underat) rattata stories and this was so cute! You did a good job with the simplistic, direct character voice and I love the exploration of rattata culture from the idea of the mischief to Tiny Fang being "the bad of the mischief." The names and the encounters reminded me a lot of Watershipdown, one of my favorite books! Another book this reminds me of, that I def recommend if you haven't read already, is The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, which also has a great exploration of rat culture.

The only place that didn't quite hold together for me was Tiny Fang's initial interest in the Mahoun. It seems like that idea--I could befriend something strong and that would help--could apply to any of the other powerful creatures mentioned in the segment. It feels a little too much like Tiny Fang just knows that the Mahoun are going to be something good and not something scary.


I snuggled against her much bigger body, instinctively seeking the protection that only she could offer. However, something pushed me aside. And then, something else entirely pushed me. And another something. They smelled almost like her.

…Oh. Siblings.

Not wanting to be kept apart from Mother, I tried pushing against them. I needed that protection. I needed to feed. But they all were bigger than me. They all were stronger than me. They all were greedier than me.

Yes, I understood. I was the runt.

And I didn’t like that.
This opening segment does a great job setting the tone of the fic and the main conflict for Tiny Fang--it's not easy, being the bad of the mischief.

Why couldn’t I close my ears, just like I could close my eyes?
Same, Tiny Fang, same.

Seeing that my body and fangs were the smallest of the group, she gave me the name Tiny Fang.

Yes, I think I trimmed my fangs too much.
Aw, I smiled here.

We got to meet Bright Eyes, another Mother, known for having bright yellow eyes.
Don't think you need that last clause! The name is pretty self-evident.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Growlithe, orange creatures with black stripes. They could manipulate hot magic to cover us in painful red life. It was one of the only times that gaining red life on the fur was very, very bad. Losing red, gaining red… both very bad. It looks like we had to keep the amount of red life we had since birth inside our bodies. No more and no less. Oh, and they liked biting us and shaking us until we were too weak too move. Or until we lost all our red life. Or until we gained too much red life. Whichever happened first.
This bit confused me. Red life is blood, so what's this about being covered in red life/ gaining red life? I wondered if you were referring to the growlithe's fire, but that wouldn't make much sense either, for them to use the same term for blood and fire.

Though, their snuggles were very painful. If they snuggled you, you were gone.
But sneks give the best snuggles!

For this reason, we had to keep them away from our dens by luring them away from our home, even if that meant losing our red life. It was the only way to make sure that our mischief survived.

Everyone started hissing after hearing the Furret tale. We all hated those Furret.
I really liked the sense of group identity that comes through here.

Those Mahoun didn’t scare me, but instead fascinated me—there were creatures stronger than the strongest hunters? That was amazing! If there was a way to befriend a Mahoun and make it our ally, it could help protect my mischief from those hunters.
This reasoning didn't quite work for me. If Tiny Fang thinks it's possible to befriend dangerous things, why not also consider befriending other types of hunters?

However, the strange Rattata did something unexpected: he lowered his body toward the floor and waved his tail, keeping his head close to the floor. He took a slow step back while twitching his whiskers nervously. That meant submission.

«No thief. Want join mischief,» he squeaked hesitantly, before looking at the ground. «Can join?»
This segment flowed really well.

Also, he ate as much as three members of our mischief, but he compensated to that by finding good-tasting and non-poison food.
Compensate for, not compensate to. And I think compensate is a bit wordy for the narrative voice anyway? Maybe just, "but he made up for that by finding . . ."

He always screamed «Black! Too black! Smoke!» many times, before passing out from exhaustion.

We asked him why he behaved like that, but he wouldn’t tell. Whenever asked, he would just sit and stare. Stare at nothing, react to nothing. Nobody knew what to do about that. We just let him be whenever he acted like that.
Aw, poor Black Whiskers.

«Mahoun not have one look. Mahoun shapeshifters.»

Another of Black Whiskers’ strange words. I narrowed my eyes in confusion. «‘Shapeshifters’?»

«Can change fur. Every sun, new fur.»

«New fur?» I thought a lot about that, not recalling any creature who could change their fur. Not every sun phase, at least. «Mahoun like… Eevee?»

«Mahoun like Eevee. Yes.»
«Growlithe. Moon Mahoun control Growlithe. Hot magic. Mahoun control Koffing. Poison magic. Mahoun control all bad magics! Mahoun dangerous!»
Liked this exchange a lot! The simplistic dialogue is done very effectively here.

Considering how stubborn and rude Black Whiskers was being with me, he probably deserved that bad word. I didn’t step down.
Hm, Black Whiskers hasn't actually said anything rude yet, so this line read oddly to me. (Think that should be "I didn't back down.")

«No! Tiny Fang cannot go!» she squealed. «Very dangerous!»

«Want! Volunteer! Want!» I screamed.

«Tiny Fang cannot!» she hollered, starting to become furious.

«Elder Koratta cannot stop!» I hissed, arching my back and showing my fangs. «Will go!»

Then, I felt pain on my face and squeaked in shock. I moved a paw on my nose and saw some red life dropping on the ground. I looked at Elder Koratta, who just stared at me with disapproval and showed her red claws.

«No. Enough.»
An intense moment, but it gets across well the hierarchy of the mischief and how it's enforced.

«Cannot,» he replied firmly. «Feed mischief, reason for living. Help mischief, reason for living. Find Mahoun, not reason for living.»

I stared at him for a long time. Then, I lowered my head as my ears folded back. «Help mischief… not reason for living,» I whispered, displeased with myself and with me being the bad of the mischief. «Too weak. Mischief not trust.»

Far Searcher said nothing for a while, as he looked at me with a sad expression. He leaned forward, nuzzling me gently. «Tiny Fang. Find Mahoun be reason for living?»

I looked quizzically at him. I had never thought about that. «…Yes, maybe.»

«Find Mahoun… important for Tiny Fang?» he asked, lifting his ears.

I paused once more, before narrowing my eyes. «Yes. Very important.»

«Understand,» Far Searcher looked away for a while, apparently thinking about something, before looking at me. His ears had taken a bright pink shade. «Will help find Mahoun!»

«Yes!?» I replied, my eyes becoming wide.

«Yes! Friends help! Tiny Fang good friend! Tiny Fang will see Mahoun!» he said, appearing convinced and confident. «Feed mischief first. Then will help.»
Wow, Far Searcher is pretty selfless.

I had gained newfound respect toward that moon Rattata.
Respect for, not respect towards.

Ah, yes! No doubt, a Mahoun had appeared!
Omg, funny reversal here.

The world started in the darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness.

And then, there was a crack, an opening, and the world became light.
There was darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness, and I passed out.
That sensation felt so strange… was I born again? It felt like I was reborn thanks to some kind of magic, but by looking at myself, I saw I wasn’t a newborn.
Pokeballs as a womb metaphor is not something I've seen before, but it's an interesting concept!

I wheeked with uncontrollable joy. I was so much happy.
Love "wheeked" as a verb. It's so ratty.

My new name is Top Percentage.

…And I love that.
<3
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Hey there! I'm here for Catnip. I was excited to look at this knowing it had won the contest, and because I've also liked what I've read of your works before. I'm happy to say I was not disappointed.

Anyway, I discovered that Mother was of a color named purple and another named cream.
Every sun phase. Every moon phase.
They could manipulate hot magic to cover us in painful red heat. It was one of the only times that gaining red on the fur was very, very bad. Losing red, gaining red… both very bad. It looks like we had to keep the amount of red life we had since birth inside our bodies. No more and no less. Oh, and they liked biting us and shaking us until we were too weak too move. Or until we lost all our red life. Or until we gained too much red life. Whichever happened first.

I liked the xenofiction angle of this story a lot, but some details seemed off to me. I found it weird that they would have dedicated words for colors, but day and night would be sun/moon phase and both blood and fire would be "red life". In languages, the oldest words are typically body parts and words related to nature, while color has very broad terms that can get more specific as time passes on. I do suppose that some languages use related words for sun and day / moon and night so it's not that far fetched, but at least blood feels like it would have a dedicated word for it instead of one defined by a color and a concept, and fire not having its own word is odd when smoke has one, provided Tiny Fang understood it.

Then I also wondered about how aware this newborn was about things and knew words like "sibling" and theorized they were actually freshly reincarnated but then I started thinking about it more and figured it didn't have to be the word "sibling" itself but the concept of "others like me with same mother" that they thought of that we would use the word "sibling" for and then I wondered about how Black Whiskers talked about weird words like "electricity" but Tiny Fang would have just heard weird rat chitters and while they could remember those chitters they wouldn't know what concept they were linking to and so they couldn't know that it was electricity that he spoke about but we know that and then my brain started hurting and I stopped thinking about these things. I suppose it's just an inevitable problem with xenofiction - at the end of the day, writers and readers are still human and cannot truly grasp what it is indeed like to be a magic rat.

She named the biggest of us Big Eater. He always ate more than all of us and was also the strongest and fastest of the litter. Mother always groomed him first, which was unfair: why did she never groom me first for once? I know I wasn’t fast, but I ate less. And with me eating less, she could eat more! That was unfair!

he's the giant rat that makes all of the rules

I wish I was good, and not the bad of the mischief.

I liked this good/bad motif, it frames the character development nicely.

Elder Koratta—the leader of our mischief

Initially this made me raise a brow and begin theorizing that perhaps she'd been named by a human somehow and that's how she would have gotten the name of Rattata in Japanese instead of being named after a characteristic like the others - but as far as I could tell, this didn't actually tie to anything later on. The theory I had kind of died with the Elder saying she'd never seen Mahoun, so this makes the name feel out of place in a way that doesn't seem intentional.

Scent-sharing!

i am so glad this actually meant snuggling and not something else.

Black Whiskers was a strange Rattata. He had a much darker pelt and thicker whiskers

I feel somewhat like his pelt color would be more natural to mention sooner, as that would be one of the first things an observer would notice. Not mentioning it as he's introduced also leads to a brief period in which the rattata is assumed to look like the others, which requires a mental overwrite once his difference is given, if that makes sense.

Also, nobody was good at searching for food during the moon phase as him.

*as good?

He was my most best friend.

This may be tempting fate a little too visibly, which somewhat lessens the impact of his death as it comes in the very next scene.

There was darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness, and I passed out.



Light. An intense light was shining over me, both inside and outside my body.

I like the parallel to the beginning hatching here! This really does mark a kind of rebirth for Tiny Fang, so it fits.

Wildfire noticed me and took a quick sniff. She yapped and bent herself to the ground, looking at me with interest. «New!! New pup!!» she barked, wagging her tail. «Wanna play?! Please, play!!»

this dog is so dog, i love.

---

As mentioned before, I'm definitely a fan of this. I like all the details of the different Rattata with their different characteristics and strengths, the rat mannerisms and culture and the development and changes of relationships between the characters. I think I have just one larger scale gripe for this story, and that's the fact that the "happy ending" part is perhaps a little long. It's very cute and I did like reading it, but it feels like the story practically ended once Tiny Fang was caught by Joey (which I totally called the moment the third human appeared) and accepted into his family, as this meant the main conflict was solved. Since there was still more story left, I expected something final to come, but nothing major did and so, pacing wise, it seemed to draw out a little.

Anyway: liked this a lot and recommended it to my friends, too. It's wonderfully bittersweet. Ten out of ten, Finding Mahoun truly makes you FEEL like a rat. Great job!
 

unrepentantAuthor

A cat that writes stories.
Location
UK
Pronouns
they/she
Partners
  1. purrloin-salem
  2. sneasel-dusk
  3. luz-companion
  4. brisa-companion
  5. meowth-laura
  6. delphox-jesse
  7. mewtwo
  8. zeraora
Well, this was cute as heck! It was a pleasure to read, and pretty breezy for its length.

As a piece of xenofiction, Finding Mahoun does a lot right. The social structure and lifestyle of the rattata and the threatening world they live in are communicated well and make sense; these aren't small, furry humans! The simple emotions and relationships, and the broken grammar conveyed the sense that these are frantic, scurrying little creatures without much culture or intellect. What's more, their striving in the face of a hostile habitat made them all wonderfully easy to root for!

I loved some of the worldbuilding choices. A "mischief" of rattata is so cute! And the descriptive names were truly charming. I'm less sure about some wording like "sun phases" and "red life" as I didn't see a need for them not to be day and blood, seeing as most of the prose is in plain language. Actually, I feel like the langauge was a little too plain in places, particularly when Tiny Fang expresses his sadness simply by narrating that he is sad. Felt like a good moment to have him curl up alone or something of that kind. Anyway, I loved little details that tracked perfectly, like the scent sharing ritual and the ability of Black Whiskers to hunt at night more effectively.

This was also just a genuinely really sweet fic all round, dark moments aside. The sheer earnestness of Tiny Fang and the secondary characters, Black Whiskers' rodent PTSD, Tiny Fang's musings about being bad or good, the friendship with Far Searcher, the interactions with Wildfire, it's all super adorable. Shame about Far Searcher, that was a lovely ship in the making, ha.

I don't have much in the way of critical comment, since almost all of what I would have to say would be related to the prose style, which is integral to the entire fic and which has its own distinct appeal. I would have written the rats' syntax out more fully, but I think that's just a personal preference and not an objective take. I definitely feel like "kompyutah" was a bit unnecessary since Tiny Fang doesn't phonetically render any other words and it briefly suggested ot me that he has a concept of spelling. The rest is subjective.

As for the "story behind the myth" angle, I guess this is 'secretly' the backstory of Joey's Rattata while reading through the first time as being about the legendary 'Mahoun.' I think it worked pretty well. I was unsure for a little while whether Mahoun were supposed to be humans, I thoguht for a few minutes they might turn out to be zoroark for some reason. But eventually it became clear. I confess I was fascinated to see how you'd approach Tiny Fang's first encounters with them, and I think that was executed well. I wasn't sure about the landing of the Top Percentage line at first, but I've decided I love it. It's just so boldly charming to have this be about Joey's Rattata, and it delights me even if it's a bit goofy. Nicely done, Cress. Solid fic.
 

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
This was my first attempt at writing xenofiction and with a character with a fairly limited level of sapience
And, for the most part, I'd say you did well. I do feel as though you stumbled out of the gate with Tiny Fang's "birth" and initial introduction into the world. Their "voice" (through the prose) is a bit too sophisticated and understands things a bit too clearly for a newborn, even by pokémon standards. I think you hit you stride when the names come along. The narration gets more redundant, with much more basic prose that features a lot of sentence fragments and repetitive thinking; things that normally would drag down written work, but fit well for this kind of xenofiction. And Tiny Fang uses a lot more Buffy Speak™ to describe things in her environment, but the descriptions aren't so off-the-mark that I can't tell what's going on... as some of the quotes below will show.

I think it was a decent overall progression, though definitely on the long side for a one-shot, in my opinion. This could've been chunked into three acts: life in the mischief, learning about Mahoun, and finding one. But, well, this was a contest, so you did what you had to. I know someone else mentioned it feeling like a bit too much of a narrative leap to Tiny Fang getting super interested in befriending a Mahoun. I see where they're coming from, but do think a quick fix would've been something along the lines of "enemy of my enemy could be my friend." I think Tiny Fang's smart enough to realize that if humans can stop the mischief's natural predators, befriending one might be a good idea.

I also liked the Alolan rattata, even if I wasn't sure exactly why one ended up all the way in Johto. Guess you put a bit of fanon into that. :P

The world started in the darkness
Damn you, Xehanort!
However, something pushed me aside. And then, something else entirely pushed me. And another something
This is kind of what I meant by the initial scenes didn't sell the xenofiction for me. I didn't realize until later that Tiny Fang was born blind, so this just threw me off.
They were our biggest enemies, as they hunted us during the sun phases—the times in which we looked for food
Noooo how could you hate the adorable furret? ;~;
Mahoun—huge bipedal monsters, capable of controlling creatures
This description was enough to get me to realize these were humans.
Black Whiskers, the moon Rattata
And this was enough to make me realize this was an Alolan rattata.
I really wondered how creatures who could control all kinds of magic looked like
hobbit-lotr-5-armies-gandalf-hat.jpg

Bad Mahoun with black fur and red shape
And this was enough to make me realize this was Team Rocket.
My new name is Top Percentage
OH FU—
dcyqnzb-59c1da14-e145-47c6-93c5-51361889eae9.png


And that's all for me. Overall, it was very cute. Thanks for sharing it.
 

The Desert Cat

Good Boy
It's obvious from the beginning here that we're not just dealing with reskinned Humans, but an entirely different species with their own culture and biology. The rat behaviours like scent-sharing and gnawing feel natural are used consistently throughout the story. Social interactions aren't judged by Human standards either; it's perfectly natural for Big Eater to take Tiny Fang's food, or to lead a Furret away from the rest of the group, or to shun Tiny Fang for being weak.

Tiny Fang sees the world in relatively simple terms, but still has complex feelings, as evidenced by his repeated musing about being the good or bad of the mischief, and his conflicted feeling about finding the Mahoun after Far Searcher dies.

Language for creatures with limited intelligence is difficult. The Rattata have, presumably, a complete language which expresses all of the concepts they need to say. How does the author express the lack of complexity in a language which doesn't exist? They always end up sounding like pidgin, which is unfortunate, but probably unavoidable. There are a few inconsistencies I noticed in their language which I thought were worth pointing out.

A lot of the new Mahoun words are concepts that Little Fang could reasonably figure out. A bed is a nest, and a bedroom in the den the nest is in. Kompyutah would be completely incomprehensible, justifying the phonetic spelling; however, electricity is just as incomprehensible, but spelled normally.

The Rattata have a well developed vocabulary, despite their simple syntax. They have works for minor variations in color (white, cream) and emotion (scared, nervous). It confused me that fire/blood and burning/bleeding share a name and concept; red life and gaining or losing red. I had to read the Growlithe paragraph a couple times, and it was still confusing.

Day any night, which are pretty simple and frequently used concepts, become 'sun time' and 'moon time', while a lot of more complex ideas have their own words. Black Whiskers also uses 'moons ago' for a longer period of time (presumably months).

There's also not really any consistent syntax to their language. In a longer story, I would have expected their syntax and word choice to be more consistent. Figuring out all those details is a big investment for a short story, though. What you have is still pretty good, and gets the point across. Other than the Growlithe paragraph, it was generally clear what they were saying.

After meeting Goro, Tiny Fang's narration seems to sometimes slip into a human perspective. For example, earlier in the story, he expresses his feelings, with dialog, or by describing how he feels, like:

«No…» I stopped, before feeling my ears going back. «…Little nervous.»

I could feel my own ears folding on my head. «Sorry. Very sad!»


With Goro, we get unintelligible rat noises instead:

wheeking to let him know that yes, I liked that!

I looked back at him and wheeked in response.

I wheeked with uncontrollable joy


These are adorable, but they're how a human who doesn't understand pokespeak would describe a Rattata's vocalizations, not how Tiny Fang described himself in earlier parts of the story.

Tiny Fang's life is described as 'harsh and full of hardships...ten times harsher' in the summary, but I didn't think that the story bore this out.
There's the stories about different hunters. Far Searcher is killed by the Furret, and we hear about another mischief attacked by Snubbulls. Black Whiskers' mischief was probably killed by Mahoun. Despite all this, the Rattata in Tiny Fang's mischief don't feel like they're living in fear.

Tiny Fang is sad and lonely sometimes, but these feeling aren't explored in much depth. The physical aspects of hardship are mostly ignored. We don’t see him being hungry after Big Eater takes his food, or cold when he has to sleep alone after Far Searcher dies, or in pain after being injured by Furret.

This isn't necessarily bad, just inconsistent. I was expecting something much darker going in.

Tiny Fang seems far too precocious at the beginning, describing his mother and siblings. At first I also thought that the ending dragged on a bit too long. Beating Sentret could have been moved up to immediately after meeting Goro's mom, and the story could have ended their with all of the plot threads resolved. He has a new friend, a new mischief, and he's not weak any more. After reading the other comments and looking up Joey (I haven't played the game), the reason for the longer ending was clear - we had to tie in with the player.

Overall, a good little story, and a great job capturing a non-human perspective. I'm looking forward to checking out some more of your work.
 

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
~Review for Finding Mahoun~

Hello, Cress! This is a prize review for the Blacklight Review Awards. I heard that this was the oneshot that won the contest last year, and since I haven’t read too much of your writing I thought I’d check this one out.

Overall, I think this was a pretty cute story! I’ve seen several different interpretations of how pokemon might function differently from humans on a cultural/physical level, but I think so far this one has to be my favorite. It doesn’t feel inhuman or unelatable, but distinctly… different. You can tell that there’s a divide between the way that these mischiefs of rattata function and the way that others pokemon and humans do. Reminds me a little of Warriors in a way.

I also have to give it up to you for your interpretation of Pokespeech! The brackets were an interesting stylistic choice, but I think a lot of the selling factor of the rattata lifestyle being different from the humans/other pokemon is the way that you frame their language—Very simple, filled with broken sentences that convey the bare meaning, etc. And even so, it doesn’t feel like they struggle to communicate, or that they talk like cavemen or something (which is an unfortunate side effect of a lot of attempts to do language this way). It just feels like its own different language that’s being roughly translated for us. And I think that sells a lot of the realism of this fic to me.

From a story perspective, I think this one is pretty simple as well. Tiny-Fang is the runt of their litter, and takes interest in finding the strange “Mahoun” despite the warnings of an outside. When they get their friend killed and are shunned by their mischief as a result, they decide to go out on their own and find a Mahoun themselves.

I think it’s here where my first criticism comes in, if only a minor one—I felt like there was a bit of a strange split between all Tiny-Fang’s dealing with the Mischief, predators, and being the runt of the litter, and then Tiny-Fang actually going out to find the Mahoun. I feel like in a longer story, that decision to go out and find the Mahoun would have made up the bulk of the story, but here it felt like it made up the last third. I imagine some of this arose from the time constraints I remember the contest having (only 10,000 words), but I felt that it was kind of a letdown to have all this buildup to going out and finding a Mahoun, just for it to happen lickety-split. I definitely get what you were going for instead, though. I guess my gripes were that we didn’t really get to see more dangerous human activity before that happened, like the rocket grunts Black Whiskers talked about before he bid Tiny-Fang off. I know there isn’t the space for it, but I feel that would have really evened it all out and made it a perfect ride.

In the context of other positives! I really liked the scene between Tiny-Fang and Black Whiskers where Black Whiskers was talking about “Bad Mahouns”. That was a really effective way to build tension and it really worked out IMO. I also liked the subsequent scene where X rolled back his prejudices and basically told Tiny-Fang that they have to take the

The description of all the predators that hunt mischiefs was well-done too. You did a really good job of painting normal pokemon like Noctow, Ekans, and Furret as terrifying predators that absolutely would kill you without a second thought. It’s also just cool seeing someone finally acknowledge that furret is terrifying tbh

(The furret battle was terrifying)

And don’t think it eludes me that “Mahoun” is an anagram of “Human” with the letter o added in :P

Overall, this one was pretty cute! I think the only part I didn’t really care for was the ending. But this was a really cute story about a rattata who got away from their colony and found a home with a creature that is mostly feared and hated, and I think it does really well at executing that premise! I can see why this one was a contest-winner out of all the stories published here.

Hoping to read more of your works in the future!

~SparklingEspeon

Listening to: Bloodborne, Living Failures -- Nobuyoshi Suzuki
 

Virgil134

PMD Writer
Partners
  1. sylveon
  2. weavile
  3. kommo-o
  4. noivern
  5. mothim
Cute Tiny Fang artwork is cute.

But they all were bigger than me. They all were stronger than me. They all were greedier than me.

Yes, I understood. I was the runt.

And I didn’t like that.

Oof, poor guy has it rough from the start :(

Along with colors, came sounds. I could hear the loud voices of my siblings clearly. Too clearly. Always asking Mother to give them food. Always bombarding my ears with cries, yells, shouts, squeaks, and whimpers. There were also the chirps, growls, thumps, rattles and other loud noises getting inside my head.

Yeah… I can understand how this would drive him crazy. Even Pokémon need their personal space. Makes me glad I did not grow up in a household with a lot of siblings lol

One time we explored an unknown tunnel, where we found a strange yellow creature with wings and a sharp tail—a Dunsparce. Oh, he was so scared when he noticed us! Out of fear, he shook his tail and made the earth fall around us, trapping us in a tiny hole. And then, I was the scared one! I started running around and digging and biting furiously in an attempt of getting out, but my claws and fangs were too small.

Remember kids: don’t go breaking into the homes of other Pokémon, even if their home is just an overglorified tunnel.

After some time, our mischief freed us from the hole.

I was confused by this term at first and thought Tiny Fang and Far Searcher got out by accident after causing trouble down there or something XP

Good thing that Far Searcher would always keep some of his best findings for me and cheer me up when I was down. He was always so considerate and generous. But again, friends help each other.

Far Searcher is such a good Rattata :veelove:

while Big Eater was more looking forward to eat as much as he could.

Big Eater seems the like the sort of Rattata you’d find in the outdoor trash cans of a McDonalds at night.

She told us about something that happened some moon phases ago, about a member of our mischief who was foolish enough to ignore Elder Koratta’s warning — as soon as he exited his den, he began wiggling in the air as he was taken away by an invisible mind magic. Finding his white remains under a tree and seeing those red eyes and that sharp beak from the Noctowl were good enough motivation to not repeat the same mistake.

Yikes, that’s brutal. Noctowl never sounded scarier.

Everyone started hissing after hearing the Furret tale. We all hated those Furret.

B-But I like Furret and they’re really petable… for humans

However, Elder Koratta had kept one last story, the scariest of all: a myth of legendary creatures known as Mahoun—huge bipedal monsters, capable of controlling creatures with their powerful mind, hot and poison magic, and hunters of all creatures. They were hunters that could hunt hunters, stronger and more dangerous than Noctowl, Growlithe, Ekans, and Furret together. No creature could ever hope to face them, especially not Rattata. We had to avoid them at all costs—no one knew what happened to the creatures caught by those monsters. Not even their red life and white remains had ever been found. They were gone. Forever.

Oh, this bit is really interesting! I always enjoy reading about how Pokémon or animals view humans.

However, but it was very different for me. Those Mahoun didn’t scare me, but instead fascinated me—there were creatures stronger than the strongest hunters? Hunters that could hunt hunters? That was amazing! If there was a way to befriend a Mahoun and make it our ally, it could help protect my mischief from the weaker hunters. I would no longer be the bad of the mischief! I would be good!

So, that’s where the fic title comes from! I’m definitely down for this premise.

Exchanging scents to make a new member smell like us was a very important ritual among mischiefs. As no Rattata could belong to two mischiefs at the same time, we had to remove all scents of his previous mischief from his fur. And the best way to do that was by snuggling with all members of our mischief to get their scents, before snuggling with the new Rattata to make him smell like us.

I loved scent-sharing! It was one of my favorite activities—it was really nice to snuggle with everyone. Except with Hard Biter, because his snuggles were very rough. I think he snuggled rough with me on purpose. However, scent-sharing was also a good way to force Fuzzy Fluff to snuggle with us, much to her annoyance. Now she was nice to snuggle with!

I wished we would scent-share more often…

D’aww, that’s so cute!

Elder Koratta named him Black Whiskers, the moon Rattata.

Oh it’s the Alolan Rattata from that comic you drew!

However, there was one thing that I found bizarre: when he slept during the sun phase, his fur would often jut out, then he would wake up with a jump and run around our home. He would keep his fur puffed as if he was sick, but he didn’t smell sick…?

He always screamed «Black! Too black! Smoke!» many times, before passing out from exhaustion.

We asked him why he behaved like that, but he wouldn’t tell. Whenever asked, he would just sit and stare. Stare at nothing, react to nothing. Nobody knew what to do about that. We just let him be whenever he acted like that.

Wow. Sounds like Black Whiskers is suffering from PTSD, which… must be rough for him especially, since no way a bunch of wild Rattata would understand that concept.

«Why Black Whiskers leave other mischief?» I asked, leaning forward with curiosity. «Other mischief bad?»

«…No.» Black Whiskers narrowed his eyes, while his ears folded. «Mischief… all gone,» he chirruped, splashing some crushed blueberries on the tree. «Searched new mischiefs. No mischief accepted. Been lonely. Many suns and many moons.»

I could feel my own ears folding on my head. «Sorry. Very sad!»

«No worry! Better now!»

Even if what these two are talking about is pretty sad, I love the way the Rattata talk in your fic It’s very cute.

«Mahoun very bad,» insisted Black Whiskers, his eyes becoming thinner. «…Got called ‘pest’.»

«‘Pest’?»

«Mahoun bad word.»

Ah, yeah. Harsh, but that is how most humans would see Rattata.

«Elder Koratta cannot stop!» I hissed, arching my back and showing my fangs. «Will go!»

Then, I felt pain on my face and squeaked in shock. I moved a paw on my nose and saw some red life dropping on the ground. I looked at Elder Koratta, who just stared at me with disapproval and showed her red claws.

«No. Enough.»

That was the final response. The way she said that she meant that if I tried to talk back again, worse things would happen to me. I narrowed my eyes and folded my ears, sad and angry with her, before turning around and leaving the area. Everyone stared at me as I walked past them, shocked that I dared to talk back to Elder Koratta. Yes, I was the bad of the mischief, but I didn’t care about their gazes.

Say what you want about him physically being the weakest, but his mind is definitely the strongest out of anyone in the mischief. I dare the others to stand up to Elder Koratta like that, especially with all the social pressure not to do so.

Its claws were stuck into the wood.

That was my chance! I climbed up the roots as fast as I could and exited the dark hole. I needed to get out of the wood cave!

But the Furret freed itself quickly and reached me before I could escape or hide. One claw struck my side, making me squeal in pain.

I began losing a lot of red life.

Huh, this part kinda surprised me, since Furret don’t really look like they have such sharp claws. Sure they can learn Fure Swipes, but still.

Having gotten Hard Biter’s attention, I ran back to the wood cave. Soon, Big Eater and Black Whiskers found us and joined us. We were many, we could fight the Furret. We could save my most best friend!

Soon, we reached the area.

The Furret was no longer in the wood square. There was a lot of red on the ground. Red that was no paint. Red life.

…Far Searcher was gone.

pay-respects-press-f.gif


I couldn’t grieve his goneness with anyone. Everyone resented me. Bright Eyes, in particular, arched her back and showed her fangs whenever I came close to her. Same with Hard Biter, who hissed at me and even bit me once. Very hard.

I limped away from them. I understood. They needed space to grieve. To grieve the goneness of another son and another sibling. Gone because of me.

Elder Koratta and Mother weren’t much better. They barely acknowledged me, and my siblings did the same. I could see the anger in their eyes, the nervous twitches in their whiskers and the rigidness in their tails. They wouldn’t even let me enter our den. Big Eater stood in front of the entrance and forced me to leave. After trying to enter a couple of times, I gave up. He was way too strong for me.

Such a great family. First Tiny Fang loses his best friend, and then they go ahead and blame him for it. They never even considered that Far Searcher could have died regardless, given that he and the other Rattata all split up to go for look for food solo. Maybe the mischief should consider changing up their food gathering tactics instead.

«…Fault. Part fault for Far Searcher gone,» he told me. «Ignored Tiny Fang. Ignored dream. Should not ignore.» He shook his whiskers and narrowed his eyes. He seemed regretful. «If not ignored… if helped Tiny Fang with Mahoun… Tiny Fang not unhappy… Far Searcher not gone.»

Black Whiskers speaking some wise words here.

«…But not like Mahoun. Not trust Mahoun. Meet only bad Mahoun. Bad Mahoun with black fur and red shape,» he chirruped, before jutting out his fur. «Bad Mahoun used poison magic on mischief. Kidnapped mischief. Took mischief far from beach! Hurt mischief with needles!» He started hissing while his eyes narrowed. «Gone! All gone! Only survivor!»

Hmm… I wonder if Team Rocket is responsible to what happened to Black Whiskers’ previous mischief.

«Can befriend Mahoun…?» I wondered. That seemed too good to be true.

«Tiny Fang can!» Black Whiskers looked very confident of his claim and almost offended by my doubt. «Tiny Fang weak. Tiny Fang can become strong. Mahoun can help.» He paused, probably to let the information sink in. «If Tiny Fang want… Can teach way. Take to good Mahoun.»

Good guy Black Whiskers.

«Tiny Fang be fine.» Black Whiskers gave me a reassuring rub on my face. «Tiny Fang very brave.»

I looked at him in astonishment. «Brave…?»

«Yes! Tiny Fang do what others do not! Mahoun befriend brave!» he squeaked, showing that he truly believed in me. «Tiny Fang can! Tiny Fang be fine! Confident! Yes!»

Ah! Good! Someone else recognizes it too!
663472557433028620.png


She looked down at me and released a loud shrill. That greatly startled me. What did it mean? Was it yes? Or no?

She dropped a red and white ball to the ground, and a pink creature with blue collar and black eyes appeared in front of me.

Pink body and blue collar… Oh, was that a Snubbull? So that was another show of Mahoun’s great magic: they could create creatures! Could they create Rattata, too?

I tried to talk to the Mahoun. I was very curious! However, the Snubbull showed her fangs and barked at me, before chasing me. I squeaked in fear and ran back into the tall grass, leaving her alone with the Mahoun.

Female Mahoun had decided. It was no. That made me very sad.

Whelp, that could have gone better.

“You seem a good Rattata. Would you like to be my Pokémon?”

That’s more like it :quag:

“Ah, right! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Gorō!” said the small Mahoun, while carrying me to a new place named ‘bedroom’.

Not gonna lie, I half expected this guy to be named "Joey" lol

A Zeta Rattata is the lowest member of the hierarchy, the runt of the nest. They rarely live long, due to being subject to great amounts of stress from the alphas and betas.

You know, I’m willing to bet that if most other members of the mischief had been born as a Zeta Rattata instead of Ting Fang they probably would have been dead already. They’re not nearly as strong minded as him, which can be just as important as physical strength when it comes to survival.

«I won’t!!» she yapped at Gorō, before looking at me. «Play chase!! I grab ball; you steal!!»

With this said, she grabbed the ‘toy’ in her jaws and began running around the ‘bedroom’. Still confused by the situation, I chased her and stole the ball from her jaws. Then, she chased me and stole the ball from me. And we continued doing that, many times, while Gorō ‘smiled’ at us. That was so much fun!

Like that, I became friends with a hunter.

This part is so adorable
663472553720807434.png


As for tradition, since I am a member of a new mischief, I needed a new name. Gorō picked one for me.

My new name is Top Percentage.

…And I love that.

Oh wait, so this is Joey?

Alright and that’s the end of the story! Overall, I think this is a great fic and I would definitely recommend others to go check it out as well.

I’ve always liked Watership Down and this story kinda reminds of that, even if it’s of course a lot less dark. It was really entertaining to read from the perspective of a wild Rattata and just found myself wanting to read more and more as I continued. Things were described quite well and I liked how you utilized all the different senses the Rattata have.

I also love the happy ending. After Tiny Fang didn’t get treated all that well he now finally has a loving family who doesn’t just look at him as the little runt of the group. He’s a great character and my favorite of the bunch, although Black Whiskers is definitely up there. It’s also pretty funny how this all turned out to be an origin story of Youngster Joey’s Rattata.

As for criticisms, I don’t really have any! Even if I wished you had used Joey’s English name, since that was kinda confusing to me while reading and I didn’t recognize him at first because of that.

Anyway, good stuff, Cres ~
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, it took me a while longer than I’d like, but I’m finally here with that review for Finding Mahoun from my last Rookidee slate. Now I’ve heard a lot of buzz about this story, not least of all that it cops heavy influence from Watership Down... which of course meant that I had to read it sometime.

Whelp, no time like the present, so let’s jump right in:

The world started in the darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness.

And then, there was a crack, an opening, and the world became light.

Oh, so we’re literally opening this story from the time of the viewpoint character’s birth, huh? That’s definitely something I haven’t seen done before.



Something rubbed on my skin. My chest heaved rhythmically, and fresh air entered in my body. I began breathing. I was born.

It took me some time to understand what was happening, as I couldn’t see and couldn’t hear anything. Though, by how a big presence cleaned me, that lovely gesture caressing my back, there was no doubt about what that was. Or rather, who it was.

Mother.

Oh, so you’re taking after the life cycle of actual rats for the way Rattata work, it’s a nice touch, and it definitely helps sell the sense of the viewpoint character’s perspective being “alien”.

I snuggled against her much bigger body, instinctively seeking the protection that only she could offer. However, something pushed me aside. And then, something else entirely pushed me. And another something. They smelled almost like her.

…Oh. Siblings.

Ah yes, when your life is a literal rat race from the very beginning. Totally a good sign of where things are going. ^^;

Not wanting to be kept apart from Mother, I tried pushing against them. I needed that protection. I needed to feed. But they all were bigger than me. They all were stronger than me. They all were greedier than me.

Yes, I understood. I was the runt.

And I didn’t like that.

… Wait, is this supposed to be a retrospective, or happening in live-time? Since if it’s the latter, I’m surprised that protag’s initial reaction isn’t more bewildered protesting given that unless if you’re taking after the Ashtar therapy episode where Pokémon start developing sensory perception even before they hatch, I’m a little surprised the protagonist has a perception of a ‘runt’ when they’re all of 2 minutes old.



So, something new happened: I began seeing colors. Or rather, I could see blends and fuzzy shapes. My eyes were still too new. Anyway, I discovered that Mother was of a color named purple and another named cream. Her fangs were colored white and her eyes were colored in red. The den around us was made of a color named brown. Or was that gray…?

That was nice. At least I wouldn’t bump into walls anymore!

I’m not sure if the intention was to make this feel as if it happened 5 minutes after hatching or not. If it wasn’t, you probably want some subtle way of hinting that a good deal of time passed since the last bit and that this is the next thing that the protag can remember. Much in the same way that a human’s first memories are disjointed snapshots that are retained once the brain develops enough to hold onto memories more lastingly.

Along with colors, came sounds. I could hear the loud voices of my siblings clearly. Too clearly. Always asking Mother to give them food. Always bombarding my ears with cries, yells, shouts, squeaks, and whimpers. There were also the chirps, growls, thumps, rattles and other loud noises getting inside my head. Cries of unknown creatures roaming the world outside our den.

Protagonist: “Boy does that sound like a great reason to never set foot outside of this place.” ._.

Every sun phase. Every moon phase.

That was less nice. Why couldn’t I close my ears, just like I could close my eyes?

Because you’re a Rattata and not having your ear to the ground regularly is a recipe for swift death? ^^;



Many suns and moons raced across the skies. Our new senses weren’t new anymore. They were sharper, just like us. The fog in our mind had disappeared, just like the sluggishness in our muscles. Mother had even stopped giving us milk.

Oh, so we are heavily fast-forwarding time in these sequences with the ellipses serving as breaks. It makes sense, though I kinda wonder if a couple of the earlier sequences ought to play it up a little harder.

A pity, her milk was the best thing ever. However, chewing on walnuts felt so very nice. Why these fangs keep growing so much, I don’t know! Though, my fangs were still smaller than my siblings’, much to my surprise.

Probably I probably enjoyed trimming them a bit too much.

That’s definitely on-brand for a rodent, since IRL ones need to keep chewing with those teeth of theirs to keep them from growing overly long. It’s a nice little touch of the narration there.

Under a new sun phase, Mother gave us names—a tradition of all mischiefs, the families of Rattata.

I… did not know that you could call a group of rats that. TIL, and filing that one away for the future.

She named the biggest of us Big Eater. He always ate more than all of us and was also the strongest and fastest of the litter. Mother always groomed him first, which was unfair: why did she never groom me first for once? I know I wasn’t fast, but I ate less. And with me eating less, she could eat more! That was unfair!

Because in the wild, it makes sense for creatures to prioritize the strongest offspring that’s the most likely to survive? I mean, it’s kinda harsh, but there’s echoes of it in human cultures as well, such as ones that place especial emphasis on eldest children for importance.

The second sibling was called Long Tail, my biggest sister. Her tail was long for her size. She was slower than Big Eater, but she also could resist the warm weather much better. Ah, if only I had a longer tail to keep myself fresher, too.

The younger sister got the name Fuzzy Fluff. She was fuzzy and fluffy. It felt nice to rub against her fur during the coldest nights. Too bad she didn’t enjoy being touched much. I guess she disliked having to clean all her fur every time we snuggled together.

Ah, I see you went with featural names for Pokémon. I mean, I’m kinda biased to that for wildmon naming schemes myself, though it makes me wonder if in your story we’ll see their names change at all. Since ‘Big Eater’ won’t necessarily always be a big eater in life, and he might pull off some sort of feat that would be more noteworthy after he notches a few years under his belt assuming he dodges the Noctowl at night well enough.

And then, it was my turn. Mother looked at me for a long time. Seeing that my body and fangs were the smallest of the group, she gave me the name Tiny Fang.

Yes, I think I trimmed my fangs too much.

Aaaaaand we have a name. Even if it’s very different from what Western sensibilities would consider normal, ‘Tiny Fang’ definitely has a ring to it.



When we learned how to walk and run without tripping, Mother introduced us to other young members of our mischief. We got to meet Bright Eyes, another Mother, known for having unique yellow eyes. Like Mother, she had pups of her own. Out of a litter of six, only two survived to see the end of the cold weather.

498ed76be651cffb6bb9bac6a9bb75c3.png


Though very on-brand for a more unflinching nature story, since… yeah, life in nature picks off a lot of animals while they’re still young and weak.

I do wonder what the story of the yellow eyes is though. Like Shiny Rattata had those up until Generation V, but said shinies were also yellow-furred, and there’s no mention of that at all by Tiny Fang.

The tallest pup was Hard Biter. His fangs were the biggest I had ever seen. He could cut walnuts with a single bite. He could also cut through paws with a single bite, too, and made me lose some red life once, during one of our games.

He didn’t like me, so I didn’t like him. It was only fair.

Well that definitely isn’t a human thought process, though I think it works very well for the premise of this story since… yeah, internal competition among species in the wild can get very red in tooth and claw, as Tiny Fang learned there.

The other pup was Far Searcher, a Rattata with a cream-colored tip on the tail. He got that name because he loved exploring the surrounding areas. He was always very good at finding things, like underground seeds and hidden mushrooms.

Something tells me that this guy is going to play a role in finding that ‘Mahoun’ this story is about.

We bonded surprisingly quickly, and I got along with him better than with my own siblings. At least he didn’t mock me for being the smallest pup, maybe because we both were the smallest of our respective litters.

:fearfullaugh:


That… doesn’t bode well for Far Searcher’s survivability in this story. Since runts in nature generally start pretty firmly behind the 8-ball, and Rattata canonically get picked off pretty regularly by predators in dex fluff.

We often played together, and we loved grooming each other. We also got in trouble together, usually by venturing into the dens of other creatures.

de7.png


One time we explored an unknown tunnel, where we found a strange yellow creature with wings and a sharp tail—a Dunsparce. Oh, he was so scared when he noticed us! Out of fear, he shook his tail and made the earth fall around us, trapping us in a tiny hole. And then, I was the scared one! I started running around and digging and biting furiously in an attempt to get out, but my claws and fangs were too small.

I was too weak! The earth was too rough! I became more frantic!

Well, something is going wrong a lot sooner than I anticipated. ^^;

But Far Searcher wasn’t scared. He approached me and nuzzled me, saying: «Be calm. Both fine.»

And we have our story’s Pokéspeech convention. Not sure how I feel about the direct and to the point language when Tiny Fang’s narration is a lot more eloquent than this when you could’ve taken the Richard Adams solution, but eh. You set out to write a xenofiction from a Rattata’s perspective, and this definitely leans into it and plays up that Tiny Fang and his compatriots’ thought processes aren’t like ours in a way that fuller translation convention might undercut.

We sat close to each other and waited. We were in the darkness, but I wasn’t scared anymore. Because I wasn’t alone. I was with a friend. A best friend.

After some time, our mischief freed us from the hole. We were so hungry and thirsty when they found us, but we were also happy. We made it through that adventure together.

I had learned then that having friends is very nice.

A minor nitpick, though in general, there are very few instances in writing where passive voice (e.x. “had [verb]ed”) sounds better than some counterpart to it in active voice. If you see me suggest tweaks in this ilk without saying a whole lot about them later on, that’s where it’s coming from.



Many suns and moons later, we pups had all had become bigger Rattata. Well, all but not me. I was still a small Rattata, compared to the rest of the mischief. I was angry with my body—why couldn’t it grow bigger, and faster, and stronger? I had tried to eat more, but Big Eater would always steal from me, despite my protests. Whenever I tried fighting him back—or anyone else, really—I always lost. Being bigger had its advantages, unfortunately.

Because you’re a runt and for organisms in general, having your growth stunted during a critical developmental phase means that you’ll just be stuck growing up small? Not that humans are immune to this either, since that’s directly related to why the average human walking this planet a few hundred years ago stood noticeably shorter than their modern-day counterparts.

Good thing that Far Searcher would always keep some of his best findings for me and cheer me up when I was down. He was always so considerate and generous. But again, friends help each other.

Far Searcher was good. Very good. Even good at fighting.

I wish I was good, and not the bad of the mischief.

I’m of two minds about this “the bad” here. On the one hand, it leans into Tiny Fang’s thought process being different from ours as humans, but I kinda wonder if more could be done to tee it up. e.x. Spelling out in like two sentences as to what “the good” of his mischief is, and then something like “and then there was me, the bad of the mischief who had none of that”

But eh, I’ll leave it up to you to decide what direction you think makes most sense here.



When we became more grown up, we had to stop just taking from our mischief and had to give back to our mischief it. Searching food and scouting for dangers were our most important tasks, and we young Rattata had to learn how to bring food to our mischief and how to detect danger.

You use “our mischief” verbatim frequently enough in this one paragraph, that IMO you should just turn at least one of them into “it” or some other synonym to make things feel a little less repetitive.

Far Searcher was very eager to explore new places, while Big Eater was more looked forward more to eating as much as he could. Not surprising. Hard Biter probably just wanted to find some tough food to trim his fangs or learn how to fight to defend himself and the mischief. As for me… I was indifferent, as I didn’t have a talent in any activity.

I kiiiinda wonder if Tiny Fang’s last sentence of his narration would’ve worked better split off into its own paragraph for emphasis. Not sure, really, since I understand the argument for keeping it attached, but it does feel thematically different from the rest of it.

My sisters didn’t like the idea very much, though. Long Tail hated dragging her tail for too long, and Fuzzy Fluff hated dragging her fuzzy fur around. Though, the mischief wouldn’t listen to them. It was their reason for living; they had to accept it. The alternative? Leave the mischief. Immediately.

They didn’t complain after that. Nobody wanted to leave the mischief, that’s for certain.

I mean, yeah. Wild animals don’t exactly have social safety nets, so if you’re living a lifestyle like one, “be useful or else stop leeching off our food and resources” makes sense as an undergirding principle / thought process.

To make sure we were ready to face the world of the hunters, Elder Koratta—the leader of our mischief—had a few stories to tell to us young Rattata. Warnings for us about all kinds of bigger creatures that could hunt us and our family. So, we gathered at the center of our home, under the shade of some trees, together with our Mothers. Once we were ready, our leader started narrating the tales.

A little surprised that this isn’t Elder Ratta given how Rattata evolve fairly early for Pokémon, though I suppose that if we’re playing rat biology to the hilt for Rattata… it’d make sense given that average pet rats keel over within 4 years. It’d be a struggle just to have a leader Rattata make it long enough to grow strong enough to evolve.

Of the Noctowl, big birds with red eyes who chased us during the moon phases. If we saw one, we had to hide in our tunnels. If they saw us, it was over. No question. I had to make sure to not go look for food under the moon, then.

But is there a Black Rattata of the Moon that functions as their grim reaper figure?
:blepgia:


Though the thought process definitely reminds me of the dynamic the rabbits from Watership Down had with the moon in that book. Which makes sense for a Pokémon in Rattata’s biological niche, especially if their vision is similarly weak like IRL rats’ are where they’d likely never see a potential predator coming at night in the absence of sound or smell to aid them.

She told us about something that happened some moon phases ago, about a member of our mischief who was foolish enough to ignore Elder Koratta’s warning — as soon as he exited his den, he began wiggling in the air as he was taken away by an invisible mind magic. Finding his white remains under a tree and seeing those red eyes and that sharp beak from the Noctowl were good enough motivation to not repeat the same mistake.

By judging Big Eater’s nervous twitches of his whiskers, he surely wouldn’t have tried to sneak out of our den to look for food under the moon anymore. As if he didn’t eat enough as is.

Oh right, Noctowl can learn Psychic attacks. That’d definitely be handy for picking off prey at night.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Growlithe, orange creatures with black stripes. They could manipulate hot magic to cover us in painful red heat. It was one of the only times that gaining red on the fur was very, very bad. Losing red, gaining red… both very bad. It looks like we had to keep the amount of red life we had since birth inside our bodies. No more and no less. Oh, and they liked biting us and shaking us until we were too weak to move. Or until we lost all our red life. Or until we gained too much red life. Whichever happened first.

I’m not sure if this ‘gaining red’ is meant to be getting a burn/being set on fire or else being made to bleed. If it’s the former, that’s not gaining ‘red life’ per se so much as ‘red fire’ or ‘red magic’. It might make sense to see if you can clear up the intent one way or the other with a sentence tweak or two.

Fuzzy Fluff began licking her fur furiously after hearing the tale. She, more than anyone, didn’t want any red heat or red life ruining her beautiful fur. Long Tail, however, raised her head and ears with confidence. Maybe she believed that her tail could keep her fresh and protect her from the hot magic?

Oh. That explains it. Yeah, the earlier bit should be ‘red heat’ in that case. But I like how Elder Koratta is just casually traumatizing all the new pups in the mischief with these stories. Guess that would explain a thing or two about how Run Away is an ability for Rattata and Raticate.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Ekans, purple creatures with no paws. Though, their snuggles were very painful. If they snuggled you, you were gone. Oh, and they had fangs with poison magic. You were gone if they bit you, too. Oh, and they loved hunting small pups. They too, were gone if Ekans bit or snuggled them.

No cognizance of Pecha Berries at all among Elder Koratta’s mischief? Like obviously it’d come too late to be used in most cases given how big they are relative to Rattata, but I’m a little surprised they wouldn’t have any folklore about some past Rattata named “Second Chance” or something like that that had a run-in with an Ekans and only survived by virtue of being able to hide under a Pecha bush.

I recall Hard Biter and Far Searcher whimpering when Elder Koratta told the story, their whiskers and ears going back: were their siblings gone because of a pawless creature? I never got the answer to that.

Probably not, since Ekans attempting to hunt in the winter would probably be death for it. That’d be prime hibernation season, especially if there was snow on the ground.

Then, Elder Koratta told of the Furret, long creatures with brown stripes and sharp claws and fangs. They were our biggest enemies, as they hunted us during the sun phases—the times in which we looked for food. They were killers, who could invade our dens with ease and hunt both young and old. We lost many members of our mischief because of them. For this reason, we had to keep them away from our dens by luring them away from our home, even if that meant losing our red life. It was the only way to make sure that our mischief survived.

Everyone started hissing after hearing the Furret tale. We all hated those Furret.

>casually pulls up Furret’s Pokédex entries

Yeeeeah… that’d be a good reason to be terrified of these guys. And why having an ‘Elder Ratta’ would help a lot for this mischief’s survivability. .-.

However, Elder Koratta had kept one last story, the scariest of all: a myth of legendary creatures known as Mahoun—huge bipedal monsters, capable of controlling creatures with their powerful mind, hot and poison magic, and hunters of all creatures. They were hunters that could hunt hunters, stronger and more dangerous than Noctowl, Growlithe, Ekans, and Furret together. No creature could ever hope to face them, especially not Rattata. We had to avoid them at all costs—no one knew what happened to the creatures caught by those monsters. Not even their red life and white remains had ever been found. They were gone. Forever.

My siblings were so terrified after the tale! They began squealing in fear, cowering at the idea of the Mahoun, the most dangerous creatures. They were so scared that Fuzzy Fluff didn’t complain when Big Eater and Long Tail cuddled by her side. Hard Biter and Far Searcher weren’t faring much better, snuggling with each other for comfort. Mother and Bright Eyes twitched their whiskers, appearing nervous. They knew the stories about those creatures, but even they were still unnerved at the single mention of Mahoun.

Ah, so Mahoun are humans. Though that’s certainly an interesting perspective of what getting Pokéballed looks like to the Pokémon left behind.

It’s admittedly why my own trainerverse writings tacked on ‘periodically revisiting sites of capture’ as a normal part of training when trying to keep more of an animesque vibe since… yeah, being terrified and wanting to be nowhere near the towering alien abductors is otherwise the completely rational response from the perspective of a Pokémon like a Rattata.

However, but it was very different for me. Those Mahoun didn’t scare me, but instead fascinated me—there were creatures stronger than the strongest hunters? Hunters that could hunt hunters? That was amazing! If there was a way to befriend a Mahoun and make it our ally, it could help protect my mischief from the weaker hunters. I would no longer be the bad of the mischief! I would be good!

That… actually feels like a fairly plausible motivation for why some Pokémon would go off to seek out humans, honestly. Even if I question how many of such seekings don’t wind up disappointing initial expectations.

I approached Elder Koratta, lowering my head toward her with respect. «Elder Koratta.»

She turned to me, shaking her whiskers while her ears shifted in my direction. «Tiny Fang need?»

I lifted my head and held my tail on the floor, looking relaxed. «Yes! Elder Koratta seen Mahoun?»

«Why ask?» she wondered, leaning forward and looking inquisitively at me.

Tiny Fang: “That’s a ‘no’, isn’t it?” -_-;

«Curious.»

«No. Never seen.»

Yup, figured.

I stared intently at Elder Koratta, my ears flicking back and forth. How did she know so much about Mahoun without seeing them? «Why never?»

«Mahoun dangerous. Too dangerous!» she squealed, her ears folded back.

«How Elder Koratta know Mahoun?»

Elder Koratta: “From stories of the last elder, who was told such stories by the last elder…” >:|
Tiny Fang: “... Maybe those stories are out of date?”
:joltyshrug:

Elder Koratta: “Tiny Fang, the average Elder in this mischief is lucky to make it to their fifth birthday. Mahoun live for at least ten times as long. How could those stories possibly be out of date when the Mahoun those stories were first spoken about are likely still walking around?” >_>;

Elder Koratta narrowed her eyes and looked at the trees. «Creature tales. Other creatures tell. Other creatures seen.» She looked again at me, her eyes becoming tiny. «Survivors. Returned survivors.»

These guys ran into Rockets like 3 Rattata generations ago which just poisoned the well for how they view humans afterwards, didn’t they? Since the fact that those ‘survivors’ came back and only had bad things to say about humans is a pretty bad omen for the sorts of humans they ran into.

Oh, I understood. Few creatures survived to tell the stories about the Mahoun. Right. Well, despite the warning, I was still eager to know more about them. I didn’t know why that was—simple curiosity, maybe?

Also, you’re tired of being put upon as a runt and living a lifestyle where you’re perpetually one false step away from death. I would start considering crazy things like summoning Cthulhu to be my ally too in such a case.

Still, no other Rattata shared my interest. Not even Far Searcher wanted to know about them! He even told me to not talk about them again, which displeased me. But he was my friend, so I stopped talking about them.

Well, guess Far Searcher won’t being going off to help find Mahoun in that case.

I was alone in that, and nobody would ever tell me anything about the Mahoun. Everyone was so scared of them and mocked me for being interested in them.

I was sad. Very sad.

Tiny Fang: “I-It could’ve worked…”
:sadwott~1:




Something new happened that warm sun phase! During my scout routine around our home—the mischief didn’t entrust me with anything more than that—I detected the scent of an unknown Rattata. By following the trace, I located the intruder hiding in the shadows. He was looking around our home and sniffing into our dens. I knew what he was doing: he was trying to steal our food! So, I ran into Elder Koratta’s den to inform her.

«Intruder! Thief!» I squealed with all my voice. «Hurry! Hurry!»

I can already tell that this is going to get violent fast. Since… yeah. Territory disputes among most creatures are, and rats can be particularly vicious about fighting each other.

At hearing that, our leader gathered some of our strongest members and confronted the unknown Rattata. They all arched their backs and showed their fangs when they found him, while I looked at the scene from the hole of the den.

«Out! Get out!» hissed Elder Koratta, swiping her claws forward. «Thief no welcome!»

I mean, at least they’re warning him and not going straight for the jugular? ^^;

However, the strange Rattata did something unexpected: he lowered his body toward the floor and waved his tail, keeping his head close to the floor. He took a slow step back while twitching his whiskers nervously. That meant submission.

«No thief. Want join mischief,» he squeaked hesitantly, before looking at the ground. «Can join?»

Elder Koratta: “Why should we trust you again?” >:|

Elder Koratta and the others were surprised by the request. It was very rare for a Rattata to want to join another mischief. Usually, that happened because the original mischief chased the Rattata away for being bad or some other reason.

Elder Koratta narrowed her eyes suspiciously. «Why want join?»

«Home no more,» he answered, looking at our leader with respect. «Can help. Very strong. Can walk under moon.» He waved his forepaws in front of his eyes. «See in dark.»

Well that’s a terrible omen for the future. Since if there’s something out there that just destroyed this guy’s own mischief to the point where he doesn’t have better options than to try and seek out another… that would kinda imply that whatever it is, it’s coming here at some point. Especially given that this story is categorized in part as a tragedy for its genre.

«…Wait. Mischief decide.»

Having said that, Elder Koratta chittered with the other most important members of our mischief, while two of our strongest fighters supervised the foreign Rattata. Without being seen, I followed Elder Koratta’s group to listen to their discussion.

From what I understood, our situation was bad: we had lost a couple of our food gatherers in the last few sun phases. A pack of pink creatures with blue collars called Snubbull had invaded our side of the forest and started hunting any unprepared creature. They were almost as bad as Growlithe! As such, it had become harder to both find food and defend our home. Having a new member in our mischief would have been beneficial for our situation.

Tiny Fang: “(If we had a Mahoun to ally with, we could’ve avoided all this, but nooooo...)” >_>;

So, they decided: the foreign Rattata could join. And getting a new member in our mischief meant one thing.

Scent-sharing!

They’re going to find something seriously wrong with his scent while doing this, aren’t they?

Exchanging scents to make a new member smell like us was a very important ritual among mischiefs. As no Rattata could belong to two mischiefs at the same time, we had to remove all scents of his previous mischief from his fur. And the best way to do that was by snuggling with all members of our mischief to get their scents, before snuggling with the new Rattata to make him smell like us.

Oh, so this is how kinship / belonging is established. Though that makes me wonder more darkly if it’s possible for a Raticate/Rattata mischief to force other Rattata into their own by stripping away their identity in this fashion and just keeping them in line through some combination of coercion or cajoling.

I loved scent-sharing! It was one of my favorite activities—it was really nice to snuggle with everyone. Except with Hard Biter, because his snuggles were very rough. I think he snuggled rough with me on purpose. However, scent-sharing was also a good way to force Fuzzy Fluff to snuggle with us, much to her annoyance. Now she was nice to snuggle with!

I wished we would scent-share more often…

I mean, yeah. Hard Biter does give off a “local bully” vibe from the way he’s been described in the past, so I absolutely buy that he is deliberately rough with scent sharing.

Anyway, as soon as we finished removing all traces of the original mischief from the new Rattata, it was time to make him a part of our mischief. As for tradition, any new member needed a new name as the final proof that he didn’t belong to the old mischief anymore. It was up to the leader of the mischief to choose the new name.

Elder Koratta named him Black Whiskers, the moon Rattata.

Oh, so there really is a Black Rattata of the Moon in this story... of a sort.

Wait, Black Whiskers is an Alolan Rattata? If that’s the case, that… feels like a significant enough detail about his appearance that you probably want to mention that a lot earlier in this sequence. Since given how Tiny Fang’s mischief doesn’t have direct knowledge of humans, they’re highly unlikely to have ever encountered an Alolan Rattata in the past, to the point where they’d likely double-take at his appearance and might question if he’s even a Rattata and not some strange other Pokémon until they notice attributes about him / him doing things that are recognizably ‘Rattata’.



Black Whiskers was a strange Rattata. He had a much darker pelt and thicker whiskers, and was very good at traveling under the moon and at avoiding attacks from Noctowl—their mind magic didn’t work on him. Also, nobody was as good at searching for food during the moon phase as him.

He would almost always walk on two paws, using his tail to support himself. The few times he went on all four was when he needed to run, which wasn’t often. Also, he used words that no other Rattata—not even Elder Koratta—knew about, like ‘electricity’ and ‘beach’. There were times I wondered if he just created those words to appear smarter.

Yuuuup, I figured. Though I am still of the opinion that some of this description should’ve been brought up in the last scene much earlier on unless Tiny Fang was just stuck at the back of the crowd the entire time and couldn’t get a good view of Black Whiskers.

Though Black Whiskers totally got yeeted out into the boonies by a human, I can already tell. Since how else would he have a conception of ‘electricity’ when in the Alolan wilds, he’d be living a similar existence to this, just with hotter and muggier weather?

Also, he ate as much as three members of our mischief, but he made up for that by finding good-tasting and non-poison food. Big Eater and Far Searcher had found a new rival, for two different reasons!

However, there was one thing that I found bizarre: when he slept during the sun phase, his fur would often jut out, then he would wake up with a jump and run around our home. He would keep his fur puffed as if he was sick, but he didn’t smell sick…?

Regional differences, son.

He always screamed «Black! Too black! Smoke!» many times, before passing out from exhaustion.

:fearfullaugh:


Can’t tell if this guy’s PTSD is from his old place in Alola getting run over by a lava flow, or his trainer dying in a fire somewhere here outside of Alola.

We asked him why he behaved like that, but he wouldn’t tell. Whenever asked, he would just sit and stare. Stare at nothing, react to nothing. Nobody knew what to do about that. We just let him be whenever he acted like that.

Tiny Fang: “I… don’t even wanna know. (And I sure hope we don’t run into any Growlithe anytime soon, since I think this guy would just keel over when they start kicking up smoke.)”
:wtfuckle:




One moon phase, I woke up with a terrible thirst. I panted softly, feeling the dryness in my mouth. I looked at my family: still sleeping. Long Tail seemed perfectly fine, while Mother and the other siblings twitched in their sleep. Maybe they were thirsty, too, but their bodies refused to wake them up.

Finding myself unable to sleep, I stood up and crawled through the tunnel of our den. I peeked outside, making sure that no Noctowl or Growlithe was lurking in the shadows. With a few sniffs, I confirmed that there was no hunter around, so I exited from the den. However, I heard a noise and grew immediately alert. Narrowed eyes and flattened ears, I dawdled toward the noise, which was coming from our pond. Did someone try to steal our water?

I can already tell that things are going to go very sideways very fast, since Tiny Fang is just casually violating Elder Koratta’s survival wisdom here.

Cautiously, I looked toward the pond, and I saw who the intruder was.

…It was just Black Whiskers. Right. Moon Rattata.

Tiny Fang: “... I should just be going back to sleep right now, but my throat’s killing me at the moment.” X_X

I came out of my hiding spot and walked toward Black Whiskers. He was sitting under a tree, crushing some blueberries with his paws. I leaned curiously. You normally eat blueberries, not crush them.

Black Whiskers realized that I was there and stared at me. His ears took a deep shade of pink—happiness.

«Tiny Fang! Hello!» he chirped.

Black Whiskers: “Beautiful night, don’t you think?” ^^
Tiny Fang: “Talk later, need water.” X_X

«Hello,» I responded hastily, not wanting to talk with a dry mouth. So, I headed toward the pond and drank some water. Ah, what a relief that was!

Tiny Fang: “U-Um… the moon’s not super full right now, right? Since I’m pretty sure this is a giant beacon for all the Noctowl in the woods.” o_o;

«Tiny Fang thirsty, see,» commented Black Whiskers, before redirecting his attention to the blueberries and continuing crushing them.

«Yes,» I responded, feeling much better after refreshing my mouth. «Good water.»

«Very good. Yes.»

Black Whiskers: “So… was that all that brought you out here, or…?”
Tiny Fang: “I mean, rationally, I should be beelining for my hole right now since I’m basically walking around with a sign saying ‘eat me’ on my back, but…” ^^;

I sat beside the pond, staring intently at Black Whiskers. As I was still feeling sleepless, I considered talking to him. This was a good chance; we never talked much due to him walking during the moon phases and me walking during the sun phases.

«Black Whiskers like mischief?»

He shook his whiskers a little, before responding with a happy chirp. «Yes. Mischief good. Best mischief seen!»

Cute double entendre there, since you can interpret that as “do you like our group” or “do you like causing trouble”.

«Why Black Whiskers leave other mischief?» I asked, leaning forward with curiosity. «Other mischief bad?»

«…No.» Black Whiskers narrowed his eyes, while his ears folded. «Mischief… all gone,» he chirruped, splashing some crushed blueberries on the tree. «Searched new mischiefs. No mischief accepted. Been lonely. Many suns and many moons.»

… Oh, so this guy’s old home really did get run over by a lava flow, didn’t it?
:fearfullaugh~1:


I could feel my own ears folding on my head. «Sorry. Very sad!»

«No worry! Better now!» he replied reassuringly, running his paws on the blueberries water on the tree and giving it a mysterious shape.

I looked inquisitively at the shape, sniffing intently at it. Fruity. I turned to Black Whiskers, confused by his strange action. «What Black Whiskers do?»

«Paint.»

Okay, Black Whiskers is a former trainer’s ‘mon and there is absolutely nothing you can do to convince me otherwise at this point. Since he’s literally bringing up a concept that he’d either need to be in human contact with, or to observe Pokémon from well outside his natural range to pick up on. >:V

I flicked my ears, not knowing what that word meant. «‘Paint’?»

«Put color on color. Brown can become blue,» he said, motioning toward the blue shape hiding the brown of the tree. I didn’t understand the purpose of that action, but the tree looked different from the other trees, at least.

«All moon Rattata paint?»

«No. Mahoun taught.»

I mean, it was kinda obvious this was where this was going, but I just knew things were going here from the moment that I realized that Black Whiskers was an Alolan Rattata.

[ ]

«Mahoun?!» I leaned close to Black Whiskers, my nose almost touching his whiskers. «Black Whiskers meet Mahoun?»

«Meet many. Yes.»

I kinda wonder if there ought to have been a description paragraph here to put in a firmer break in between some of this description, since I’m a little surprised that Tiny Fang didn’t have more visceral surprise to the idea that a ‘Mahoun survivor’ is right here in the flesh with him.

I could feel my ears twitching in excitement—someone could tell me more about the Mahoun! I stepped forward. «Mahoun how look?»

«Mahoun not have one look. Mahoun shapeshifters.»

Another of Black Whiskers’ strange words. I narrowed my eyes in confusion. «‘Shapeshifters’?»

Oh, that’s how Black Whiskers parses clothes, huh?

«Can change fur. Every sun, new fur.»

Yeah, thought so.

«New fur?» I thought a lot about that, not recalling any creature who could change their fur. Not every sun phase, at least. «Mahoun like… Eevee?»

«Mahoun like Eevee. Yes.»

Okay, so admittedly I’m a bit spoiled as to where this story is ultimately going, but I find Tiny Fang’s Pokémon he doesn’t talk about to be a good subtle hint of where this story is set. Since were we in Unova or Kalos, there’s good odds that upon Black Whiskers’ explanation, Tiny Fang would’ve just instantly gone “Oh, so like Zoroark!”

[ ]

«Ooh!» I chirped, very interested. That was something that nobody had ever told me. «Black Whiskers talked to Mahoun?»

«Talked but not understood.» Black Whiskers sniffed his paint, before licking some blueberries water from his paws. «Mahoun talk differently.»

[ ]


«Oh…»

I think that this section would’ve benefitted from a short paragraph where Tiny Fang has that moment of disappointment sink in, since Black Whiskers is also just casually pointing out that his brilliant plan of recruiting Cthulhu to protect his mischief that he got mocked for in the past would’ve never worked to begin with.

I also wonder if from a Xeno-POV thing, if it might’ve made sense to hint in passing how Mahoun talk differently from a Pokémon or a Rattata’s perspective. Like pick the top 1-3 things that Black Whiskers would’ve said in explaining how they talk differently and throw it in as a thing mentioned in passing.

Black Whiskers looked at me, his eyes gleaming under the moonlight. «Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun?»

Oh, yes, he was smart. All right. «Yes. Very interested.»

«Tiny Fang want meet Mahoun?»

Tiny Fang:
the-incredibles-spit-out-water.gif

Black Whiskers: “... That’s a yes, right?” ^^;

I squealed so loud that I was almost afraid of attracting a Noctowl. Maybe he could lead me to the Mahoun? I didn’t hesitate with my answer. «Yes!»

«…Bad thought,» chittered Black Whiskers, looking at me with a dark stare. «Forget bad thought. Forget Mahoun.»

… I wasn’t expecting that one from Black Whiskers. Though that suddenly makes me a lot more
:uhhh:
about what that whole PTSD about fire might’ve entailed for him.

I stared at Black Whiskers in disbelief. Finally someone knew about the Mahoun, and he asked me to forget them?

«No! Want meet! Not forget!» I squeaked, showing angry eyes and fangs.

«Tiny Fang must not meet!» he replied, showing his own fangs, which were larger than mine. Typical. «Never meet!»

«Why!? Not understand!»

Tiny Fang: “What? Did the Mahoun kill your old mischief or something?” >_>;
Black Whiskers: “...”
:whodarespostthis:

Tiny Fang: “They- They didn’t actually kill your old mischief, d-did they?”
:grohno~1:


[ ]

«Seen things. Very bad things,» he continued, his eyes looking at nothing. «Mahoun forbidden for reason. Kidnappers. Hunters. Poisoners.» He looked back at his paint and ran a paw upwards. It created many little shapes, with some of them looking like… «Growlithe. Moon Mahoun control Growlithe. Hot magic. Mahoun control Koffing. Poison magic. Mahoun control all bad magics! Mahoun dangerous!»

I’m… pretty sure that Black Whiskers was poached. Since between him being very far from home right now, his fear of fire, and his specific mention of humans as kidnappers, it implies that Black Whiskers was pulled from the wilds in a way that he found traumatic and that he didn’t have anything he meaningfully liked about the humans he was with.

Though I do kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to put in a paragraph of Black Whiskers visibly hesitating or something like that before giving his explanation. Since I kinda get the feeling that this topic is touching on a lot of raw nerves for him.

[ ]

«…Mahoun interesting,» I whispered. It was a scary thought, but I really wondered how creatures who could control all kinds of magic looked like.

Black Whiskers: “...” >:|
Tiny Fang: “S-Scary things can be interesting, okay?!” O_O;

«Mahoun very bad,» insisted Black Whiskers, his eyes becoming thinner. «…Got called ‘pest’.»

… Oh, so Black Whiskers’ old mischief got culled. ._.

Since Rattata are canonically an invasive species to Alola, and a huge part of dealing with them such species reality is simply thinning their numbers until they have less of an impact on their surroundings.

Though it makes sense that it would be something that would essentially destroy a Pokémon’s perceptions of humans if they’re of the invasive species that needs to be ‘managed’.

«‘Pest’?»

«Mahoun bad word.»

«Oh.» Considering how stubborn Black Whiskers was being with me, he probably deserved that bad word. I didn’t back down. «Want meet Mahoun. Soon!»

Probably a good thing that Tiny Fang didn’t say that out loud, since I get the feeling that he’d have gone straight for the throat over that considering what Black Whiskers’ past likely entailed. .-.

Black Whiskers looked at me for a long time until he let out a chirp. A taunting chirp. «Tiny Fang stupid.»

«Not stupid!» I yelled, very furious with the mean moon Rattata. «Black Whiskers not help? Find out! Alone!»

Black Whiskers: “Whelp, your funeral.” -_-;
Tiny Fang: “‘Funeral’?”
Black Whiskers: “Mahoun word for gathering around a dead body and crying over it. Basically, you’re gonna die and it’ll be nobody’s fault other than your own.”

And with this, I ran away from Black Whiskers and back into my den, leaving him alone with his paint.

So, the only Rattata who could help me find the Mahoun didn’t want to help me. Nobody wanted to help me.

Then, I would have found where the Mahoun lived and meet one by myself, no matter what!

Tiny Fang: “... Or get killed trying, but let’s not think too hard about that possibility.” o_o;



One sun phase, my mischief decided to start a big search for food. New pups were incoming and we needed to feed the new Mothers.

Many groups volunteered, but there was one group that interested me the most: Big Eater, Hard Biter, Far Searcher, and—strangely enough—Black Whiskers. They were going to explore a den that used to belong to Mahoun many suns and moons ago, which had a lot of stored food.

So either an abandoned house or campsite. It’ll be interesting to see what this ‘den’ looks like.

I chirped in joy. That was it! My chance to see if I could meet a Mahoun! I stepped forward, immediately offering myself. «Volunteer! Volunteer!»

Black Whiskers: “Oh sweet moon-bat in sky… Tiny Fang, this is going to be dangerous!

Every single member of the mischief looked at me, in particular Black Whiskers. He had already understood why I wanted to go with them and looked at me with thin eyes. I didn’t care. He was just mean to me.

No, he’s been through a traumatic experience and just thinks that you’re doing your best to try and win a Darwin Award.

The mischief squeaked and squealed among themselves, surprised by my volunteering. The bad of the mischief wanted to join the most dangerous search? Elder Koratta had to squeak louder to stop everyone, before looking at me.

«Tiny Fang.» She approached me, looking directly in my eyes. «Search important and dangerous. Many hunters.» She narrowed her eyes. «Tiny Fang too small. Tiny Fang too frail. Tiny Fang too weak.»

Tiny Fang: “Isn’t that all the more reason for me to go? If I die out in the Mahoun den, what do you care given that I apparently suck and am the bottom percentage of this mischief?” >_>;
Chief Koratta: “Well, for one, I’d have one less nose to act as a sentry over reasons that would be stupid and completely preventable.” -_-;

«Careful! Be very careful!» I squeaked, mildly displeased that everyone thought I was not good for important searches. That would have been a good chance to prove my worth, too. «Can help! Yes!»

«No! Tiny Fang cannot go!» she squealed. «Very dangerous!»

«Want! Volunteer! Want!» I screamed.

«Tiny Fang cannot!» she hollered, starting to become furious.

«Elder Koratta cannot stop!» I hissed, arching my back and showing my fangs. «Will go!»

I kinda wonder if there should’ve been at least one paragraph somewhere here independent of these lines of dialogue focusing either on Tiny Fang’s internal thought process or else just Elder Koratta getting visibly mad and starting to boil over, since something about this feels like it’s missing that extra imagery to make things really “pop” visually.

Then, I felt pain on my face and squeaked in shock. I moved a paw on my nose and saw some red life dropping on the ground. I looked at Elder Koratta, who just stared at me with disapproval and showed her red claws.

«No. Enough.»

Whelp, that’s certainly one way to veto an idea you don’t like. .-.

That was the final response. The way she said that she meant that if I tried to talk back again, worse things would happen to me. I narrowed my eyes and folded my ears, sad and angry with her, before turning around and leaving the area. Everyone stared at me as I walked past them, shocked that I dared to talk back to Elder Koratta. Yes, I was the bad of the mischief, but I didn’t care about their gazes.

However, I wouldn’t give up. If I couldn’t join with the mischief knowing, I would join without the mischief knowing.

I hid in a nearby hole and waited. Waited for the search to start.

Tiny Fang: “Seriously, what’s she gonna do? Just kick me out of the mischief so that way I can go finding Mahoun all the time?” >_>;



When the sun was above the woods, the search started. I followed the group from a distance, not wanting to alert them. They were going into an unknown area, which Black Whiskers seemed to know very well. Probably he was the one who suggested going into the den of the Mahoun to search for food.

Okay, that definitely makes me curious as to what this den is. My money is on a campsite, since if it’s a house, I’d expect Black Whiskers to potentially have trouble identifying it thanks to differences in architecture.

I was very disappointed that nobody allowed me to explore this area. It was so much different from the rest of the forest. So many colors, like yellow and orange. So many new scents, like ‘gold berry’ and ‘mint berry’. So many creatures I had never seen, like white singing balls and living rocks with paws.

After a short journey, the group stopped walking and chittered among themselves. I couldn’t hear what they were saying from where I was, but they soon split up and walked in different directions. I saw Far Searcher going toward something big that resembled a… square cave made of trees or something, and I followed him.

Well never mind then. Black Whiskers found a human house after all. One in a still-inhabited neighborhood, it looks like.

I saw him standing on his hind paws and sniffing the air, trying to detect some food scent. I immediately hid into a tree hole, not wanting him to find me. Once I didn’t hear his sniffs anymore, I walked out of my hiding spot. To my surprise, he was nowhere to be seen.

Confused by his sudden disappearance, I walked in the direction where he was standing. Then, something attacked me, and I let out a loud squeal and started struggling. A hunter, a hunter!

Whelp, sure hope it was worth going off to try and find Mahoun, Tiny Fang.

«Tiny Fang!?»

I stopped squealing and looked at my aggressor. It was Far Searcher, who was pinning me to the ground.

«Oh! Hello Far Searcher!»

Far Searcher:
whywouldyoudothat.jpg

Tiny Fang: “I mean, are you really going to turn down free help?” ^^;

Far Searcher let go of me, before lowering his head toward me with an inquisitive and admonishing stare. «Tiny Fang! Why here?»

«Want see Mahoun den!» I responded immediately.

Far Searcher: “Again.
whywouldyoudothat.jpg

Tiny Fang: “I… should’ve stuck with ‘I came to help you’, shouldn’t I?” >_>;

Far Searcher narrowed his eyes. «Tiny Fang, go back.»

[ ]

«No! Not back! Only see, yes?» I leaned forward, narrowing my own eyes. «Far Searcher. Let join! Be back after see.» I wagged my tail, showing a pleading look. «Friends, yes? Friends help!»

This IMO would work a bit more if we had a cut back to Tiny Fang’s body language or internal thought process. e.x. Something to show the gears in Tiny Fang’s head that motivates him to dig his heels in and insist “let me stay”, and maybe air any potential worries / “is this really a good idea?” that he quashes internally.

Far Searcher: “Tiny Fang, you and I both know that you being here is almost guaranteed to end in disaster well before you even see the Mahoun den!” >_>;
Tiny Fang:
dumb-and-dumber-lloyd.gif


Far Searcher stared at me for a long time. He seemed conflicted. However, he soon lowered his tail and showed a resigned expression. «…Tiny Fang can join.» He narrowed his eyes again, meaning that he was very serious. «Tiny Fang must stay close! Know quick blur. Can protect.»

Huh. Figures that they wouldn’t think of their own attacks in human terms, though it’s a nice touch there to have that be how Rattata parse Quick Attack.

«Yes! Very close! Yes! Thanks!» I responded. I wouldn’t disappoint him.

Reassured by my promise, Far Searcher and I walked toward the wood cave, in search of food.

de7.png




The inside of the wood cave was immense. There was enough space for many mischiefs and their pups. I sniffed around the area, detecting the smell of wet trees and the scent of crawling plants. Far Searcher was staring at me, apparently puzzled by my curiosity.

Can’t tell if this house is still inhabited or abandoned at the moment.

«Why Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun?» he asked, breaking the silence.

I turned to him, surprised that he was asking me about that. After all, he told me to never talk about them again. «Like Mahoun. Very powerful. Wish be powerful.»

Far Searcher: “...”
:unimpressed:

Tiny Fang: “... I'm sorry, but how’d you learn to make that scary predator face, again?” .-.

«Mahoun dangerous,» he warned me.

«Be careful!» I responded quickly. «Want see. No more.» I looked again at a strange thing made of wood. «Far Searcher look many places. Ever seen Mahoun?»

[ ]

«No. Never searched.»

I looked again at him. «Far Searcher. Help search?»

I kinda wonder if this would’ve benefitted from a small acknowledgement of Far Searcher’s body language / ‘no’ body language in reply to Tiny Fang, since there’s been a lot of dialogue in a straight shot here and it feel like a decent spot for a break from it.

Far Searcher: “Tiny Fang, just listen to yourself right now!” >.<
Tiny Fang: “I am! We’re in a human den already, so if there was ever a better time and place to try and find a Mahoun…”
:wellyousee:


«Cannot,» he replied firmly. «Feed mischief, reason for living. Help mischief, reason for living. Find Mahoun, not reason for living.»

I stared at him for a long time. Then, I lowered my head as my ears folded back. «Help mischief… not reason for living,» I whispered, displeased with myself and with me being the bad of the mischief. «Too weak. Mischief not trust.»

Far Searcher: “Tiny Fang, have you considered being a better member of our mischief?” >_>;
Tiny Fang: “Okay, now you’re definitely convincing me that the mischief isn’t my reason for living!” >.<

Far Searcher said nothing for a while, as he looked at me with a sad expression. He leaned forward, nuzzling me gently. «Tiny Fang. Find Mahoun be reason for living?»

I looked quizzically at him. I had never thought about that. «…Yes, maybe.»

«Find Mahoun… important for Tiny Fang?» he asked, lifting his ears.

Wait, is… Far Searcher actually just going to accept Tiny Fang’s wishes here? I honestly would be legit surprised if that’s where things wound up going.

I paused once more, before narrowing my eyes. «Yes. Very important.»

[ ]


«Understand,» Far Searcher looked away for a while, apparently thinking about something, before looking at me. His ears had taken a bright pink shade. «Will help find Mahoun!»

This bit IMO would work a bit better if you had some hesitation on Far Searcher’s part before he mentions that he understands Tiny Fang and then decides to help him.

Also, I am pretty sure that this is going to turn out to be a disaster for at least one of these rats. ^^;

[ ]

«Yes!?» I replied, my eyes becoming wide.

«Yes! Friends help! Tiny Fang good friend! Tiny Fang will see Mahoun!» he said, appearing convinced and confident. «Feed mischief first. Then will help.»

[ ]


«Thanks Far Searcher!» I squealed in joy, rubbing my nose with Far Searcher’s in gratitude. «Will help find food! Yes! Yes!»

Far Searcher snuggled with me, apparently happy about cheering me up. There was absolutely no doubt. He was truly my most best friend.

This feels like another bit that would benefit from added paragraphs, this time focusing on the gears turning in Tiny Fang’s head.

The first part feels like it’d make sense to drop a couple sentences in about his surprise since Tiny Fang’s been met with an answer that he’s had zero reason to assume he’d ever hear from Far Searcher from the entirety of his life so far. The second feels like it’d benefit from emphasizing how happy and grateful he is that Far Searcher is doing this for him, since from the way things were presented earlier, I’m not sure if Tiny Fang was fully expecting this to happen.



Determined to help Far Searcher, I put a lot of effort into searching for some good food. I waddled on top of a long ground made of wood, making sure to not stray too far from Far Searcher, until I found a big dark hole. By looking downward, I saw long flat pieces of wood, one above the other. Were those the roots of the wood cave?

Far Searcher: “Pretty sure that Black Whiskers called this a ‘basement’.” ^^
Tiny Fang: “Whatever, it’s the roots. Same difference.” >_>;

I sniffed and shook my whiskers. Then, my eyes widened. There was a very appealing scent coming from the darkness. Food!

Tiny Fang:
homer-simpsons-the-simpsons.gif


I descended into the dark hole by jumping on the roots of the wood cave, until I reached an area that was full of square things. Some of them were made of wood, but others were made of a gray mysterious element. It was cold, smooth, and hard. What was that?

Far Searcher: “Um, Tiny Fang? Shouldn’t we be checking our surroundings more carefully before just jumping in like this?” ._.;

However, I didn’t focus much on that as I tried to follow the scent. I needed to find food. Soon, I found out that the scent was coming from a nearby square, which had a tiny hole. By squeezing through the gap, I noticed many pieces of corn lying on the ground. Ooh! I loved corn!

I crawled into the place and grabbed one piece in my jaws, before exiting through the hole and waddling toward the roots. I felt proud of myself as I dragged the prized meal.

Okay, I’m taking the under on this place being abandoned if there’s edible food leaking out from crates.

However, my nose soon detected a bad scent, and I turned around quickly.

Creaks. Noises of something approaching. Something big.

Really taking the under on this place being abandoned.

I took a few steps backward, feeling my ears folding back, and ran toward the roots. But then, something jumped in front of me, showing sinister eyes and sharp fangs. The sight terrified me.

A giant Furret was looming over me, standing on its hind paws and showing its sharp claws. It swiped at me, forcing me to drop my piece of corn and run out of the way. I heard the Furret growling angrily, while I ran around its body and hurried toward the roots.

Tiny Fang:
giphy.gif


Though boy is it a trip to see Furret cast as this monstrous bringer of death. Like all of this is completely dex canon, but it’s definitely something that most people in this fandom wouldn’t reflexively think of for a depiction.

Out! I needed to get out!

Heavy steps followed me, and by looking behind, I noticed the Furret climbing the roots. It was chasing me!

Tiny Fang:
screaming-lisa.gif


The Furret lowered its body on a root and sprung toward me, trying to crush me with its huge paws. Luckily I was nimble, so I wiggled out of the way. It crashed into one of the roots with all its weight and hissed angrily. Its claws were stuck into the wood.

Tiny Fang: “Nope nope nope!”
:AAAAAA:


That was my chance! I climbed up the roots as fast as I could and exited the dark hole. I needed to get out of the wood cave!

But the Furret freed itself quickly and reached me before I could escape or hide. One claw struck my side, making me squeal in pain.

I began losing a lot of red life. It was the most horrible sensation, and it was more painful for me to move around. The Furret knew that and pounced at me. I barely managed to get out of the way.

Tiny Fang: “This- This is it. I-I’m gonna be lunch for a furry noodle.”
:uhhh:


I was becoming desperate! I wouldn’t have been able to avoid its attacks for long.

And then, I tripped and laid on the ground, paralyzed by pain and fear. I could see the Furret raising a paw, ready to run its claws across my body. I started shaking! It was going to kill me!

Ah yes, tharn rears its ugly head in this story. I kinda wonder if it might’ve made sense to also show this happening at some point in the past to establish that it’s a thing for Rattata to sometimes freeze up when stressed or frightened. But eh, I had a good enough idea of what was going on here.

But then, I heard it yowl in surprise and fall on its side, knocked aside by something.

It was Far Searcher! He had used one of his quick blurs to strike the Furret.

… Far Searcher isn’t going to leave this room alive, is he?
:sadwott~1:


He looked at me, his eyes showing urgency and terror. «Tiny Fang run!»

With some effort, I got back to my feet and began running. Far Searcher ran behind, standing between me and the Furret. I could hear the Furret growling darkly, before charging at us with renewed fury. It soon reached us, but before the Furret could strike, Far Searcher turned around and assaulted the killer with another quick blur. He rammed into one of its front paws and sank his fangs deep.

Tiny Fang: “F-Far Searcher! What are you-?!” O.O;
Far Searcher: “Just run already!”

The Furret roared with fury, shaking the bitten paw around, while Far Searcher kept gnawing at it. But then, the Furret slammed Far Searcher to the ground with its hurt paw. A crack, the wood creaked and Far Searcher let out a sharp squeak.

«Far Searcher!» I squealed in horror, having seen some red under the Furret’s paw and on the floor.

Yeah, I knew that this wasn’t going to end well given that Elder Koratta repeatedly mentioned that Furret for her mischief were basically unstoppable death machines that desperately needed to be kept from finding their nesting grounds in the first place lest they just pick the entire mischief apart.

I felt anger going into my body, my fear completely gone, and I rushed toward the Furret. I jumped and bit its muzzle, making it cry out in shock. It took some steps backward, freeing Far Searcher. Then, I let go of its nose and slammed the Furret on its chest while it was still stunned, making it crash into a square made of wood. The sharp wood pieces dug into the Furret, who shrieked in pain and wiggled its body, desperately trying to free itself from the broken square.

Wow, I see adrenaline can make Rattata do some crazy things sometimes. Though I’ll take the under on this ending well for at least one rat present.

I heard a whimper and turned around to see Far Searcher standing up. His back had a strange red shape, and it looked like it was going inside its body rather than outside. I ran toward him, looking all over in concern.

«Far Searcher!?»

Far Searcher hissed, before dropping some red life from his mouth. He was very hurt! He was losing too much red life!

I’ll admit, this part made me flinch, especially the brushed-past part where Tiny Fang is describing seeing an exposed organ in Far Searcher’s body. Or at least I’m pretty sure that’s what that is.

«Far Searcher! Red!» I squeaked in alarm, pushing him to get him to move. «Run away! Now!»

«Tiny… Fang…» he whispered, staring at me with sad eyes. «Hard… Biter… find… quick… forest…»

:eltycrying:


Yeah, I figured Far Searcher’s was a goner from the bit when the Furret was described setting upon him, but boy does this hurt to see play out.

No! I didn’t want to leave him alone. Not with that killer around. I looked at the Furret—it managed to free one of its paws from the wood square, and was glaring at us with hateful fury. I looked again at Far Searcher, seeing that his ears had become more pink—happy? How could he be happy?

«Far Searcher…?» I asked in confusion.

«Go… friend… help…» he continued, touching my face with his nose and pushing me away. «Can… fight… Tiny… Fang… be… fine…»

I… just have a bit of sand in my eyes right now.
:CryingCabot:


I took a step back and looked at the Furret. Crack, another paw was free. It was moaning in pain, but it wouldn’t be long before it freed itself from the wood. I looked again at Far Searcher, who was looking at me with a resolute expression, and he pushed me again.

I took some harsh breaths and twitched nervously, reluctant to leave him alone, but I turned around and ran out of the wood house to look for Hard Biter. He was very strong, he could help!

Uh… yeah, no. He can’t or at least not in time since that Furret’s gonna rip Far Searcher’s throat out before you’re across the other end of the room.

I squealed with all the voice I had in my body. Squealed for the others to come. Squealed for help. And soon enough, I heard a squeal back.

Hard Biter!

«Tiny Fang?!» yelled Hard Biter, surprised to see me and shocked by my frenzy.

«Far Searcher need help!» I screamed. «Quick! Follow!»

… Or maybe he will make it after all, even if I’m not convinced that they came in time to change Far Searcher’s fate.

Having gotten Hard Biter’s attention, I ran back to the wood cave. Soon, Big Eater and Black Whiskers found us and joined us. We were many, we could fight the Furret. We could save my most best friend!

e02e5ffb5f980cd8262cf7f0ae00a4a9_press-x-to-doubt-memes-memesuper-la-noire-doubt-meme_419-238.jpg


Soon, we reached the area.

The Furret was no longer in the wood square. There was a lot of red on the ground. Red that was no paint. Red life.

…Far Searcher was gone.

Yeah, I knew it. :<



Losing Far Searcher was a tragedy for the whole mischief. Not only was he loved by everyone, but he was also the best at finding food, the best good of the mischief. Now that he was gone and there were new pups, feeding the mischief had become a more difficult task.

Tiny Fang: “I-I just want to point out that it wasn’t my fault that this had happened.”
:fearfullaugh~1:

Everybody Else: “...”
:unimpressed:

Tiny Fang: “I-It wasn’t, okay?” o_o;

I wept and whimpered inside a tiny hole, regretting joining the search. If I hadn’t followed them, he wouldn’t have gone back for me. He wouldn’t have taken the hit from Furret for me. He wouldn’t have lost all his red life for me.

All because I wanted to find the Mahoun. I was truly the worst bad of the mischief.

Well, nevermind then. Tiny Fang does see himself as being at fault for Far Searcher’s death. And somehow I doubt he’s the only one of his peer group who will do so.

I couldn’t grieve his goneness with anyone. Everyone resented me. Bright Eyes, in particular, arched her back and showed her fangs whenever I came close to her. Same with Hard Biter, who hissed at me and even bit me once. Very hard.

I limped away from them. I understood. They needed space to grieve. To grieve the goneness of another son and another sibling. Gone because of me.

That… makes me morbidly curious as to how frequently “I screwed up and now everyone hates me” is a motivator for Pokémon in your setting to seek out humans. Since every social group always has its outcasts.

Elder Koratta and Mother weren’t much better. They barely acknowledged me, and my siblings did the same. I could see the anger in their eyes, the nervous twitches in their whiskers and the rigidness in their tails. They wouldn’t even let me enter our den. Big Eater stood in front of the entrance and forced me to leave. After trying to enter a couple of times, I gave up. He was way too strong for me.

As I needed some shelter from hunters and nobody wanted to accept me in their den, I went to the tunnel where Far Searcher and I encountered the Dunsparce. Nobody lived there anymore, so I used it as my den.

Last time we were together. Now I was alone.

You know, this sounds like a really good advertisement for just going off and finding Mahoun on your own, since uh… yeah, you’re pretty much dead to the rest of your mischief right now.

All I had for food were scraps and leftovers. No member of the mischief would leave any portion for me. The pups had the priority. Pups who wouldn’t be a disappointment for their Mothers. Pups who wouldn’t be bad.

I had become an outcast, an intruder, a traitor. If they didn’t want me anymore, then I had to go somewhere else. But where?

Tiny Fang: “I’d say ‘Mahoun’, but after everything that happened from the last time I went looking for them. I’m… ready to just curl up in my den and cry for a while.”
:sadwott~1:


As I sat by the pond of our home and looked at the moon, something creaked in the bushes. I perked up my ears and looked behind me.

Black Whiskers was there. He was holding in his paws a piece of apple. He walked forward and looked straight at me. «Eat.»

Tiny Fang: “... Why are you doing this for me? Didn’t I just validate all of the points you were making a few nights ago?”
Black Whiskers: “Unless you actually saw a Mahoun… technically not. But seriously, sit down and eat. We need to talk.”

I stared at Black Whiskers, sniffing the apple: did he just bring some of his food for me? Out of everyone, I wouldn’t have expected him to do that. I wasn’t one to refuse a gift, and I was very hungry, so I ate that piece of apple in a single go.

«Thanks.»

Tiny Fang: “Okay, what’s the catch here?”
:absus:


Black Whiskers wiggled his whiskers, before eying me with sharp eyes. «Tiny Fang want leave?»

He was always so smart.

«Yes. Not wanted,» I chittered.

Tiny Fang: “Seriously, what’s your game here?” >_>;
Black Whiskers: “Well, I’d get your den if you bailed, but beyond that, you’ve been kinda miserable just hanging around here lately.”

«Where?»

«Not know.»

«Tiny Fang be back?»

Tiny Fang: “Black Whiskers, what do I even have to come back to right now?” >.<
Black Whiskers: “... It was worth asking as a courtesy?” ^^;

I paused for a long time and felt my ears folding back. «…No. Not back. Never back.»

«Oh.»

Black Whiskers seemed genuinely sad for me. He knew what it meant not being able to see your old mischief anymore.

Black Whiskers: “You’re- You’re sure about this, Tiny Fang?”

«Leave. Soon,» I reaffirmed.

Black Whiskers shook his whiskers once more. His eyes shone, he was thinking about something. «Tiny Fang still want meet Mahoun?»

Tiny Fang: “Oh for crying out loud-” >.<
Black Whiskers: “I’m serious! Finding Mahoun meant so much that you snuck off to try and get into one of their dens. Are you seriously telling me you’ve just given up on that?”

I looked at him in surprise. With all things happening those past sun phases and moon phases, I had pushed aside my desire to meet them.

«Mahoun?» I asked, narrowing my eyes. Then, I looked at the water. «Yes. Still want. But Black Whiskers right. Bad thought.» I began shaking. «Bad thought killed Far Searcher. Killed best friend.»

Wow, Tiny Fang really is ready to write off his dream here. It’s at once really understandable and really depressing.

Black Whiskers sat beside me. «No. Not bad thought. Understand now.» He looked at me. «Tiny Fang dream.»

I looked back at him. «‘Dream’?»

«Yes. Dream. Dreams good. Dreams show happiness,» he chittered, before looking at the floor. «Forgot good dreams. Only bad dreams. Dreams of previous mischief.» He began shaking with sadness. «…Miss it.»

Tiny Fang: “... Are you going to elaborate, or…?”
Black Whiskers:
bdd.jpg


[ ]


«Sorry.»

«Not be. Happened moons ago. Not go back.»

IMO, this would work a bit better with some additional description dropped in to emphasize Tiny Fang’s pause between his lines of dialogue, along with if there’s any internal thoughts he has about what Black Whiskers had to tell him.

We looked at the moon, thinking about our respective pains. His past pain, my recent pain. Then, he broke the silence.

«…Fault. Part fault for Far Searcher gone,» he told me. «Ignored Tiny Fang. Ignored dream. Should not ignore.» He shook his whiskers and narrowed his eyes. He seemed regretful. «If not ignored… if helped Tiny Fang with Mahoun… Tiny Fang not unhappy… Far Searcher not gone.»

the-incredibles-spit-out-water.gif


Wow, this guy does have a heart in him.

Black Whiskers: “For the record, this is still stupid and liable to get you killed.” >_>;
- Black Whiskers sighs and shakes his head -
Black Whiskers: “But… if it’s what you genuinely want…”

It seemed almost like he was taking part of the blame for Far Searcher’s goneness, or maybe he was trying to cheer me up. I didn’t know, I wasn’t feeling much better, anyway. No matter who was to blame, my most best friend was gone.

«…But not like Mahoun. Not trust Mahoun. Meet only bad Mahoun. Bad Mahoun with black fur and red shape,» he chirruped, before jutting out his fur. «Bad Mahoun used poison magic on mischief. Kidnapped mischief. Took mischief far from beach! Hurt mischief with needles!» He started hissing while his eyes narrowed. «Gone! All gone! Only survivor!»

Oh, so I was right earlier about Black Whiskers being poached. And by Team Rocket, no less. But I wonder what is making him suddenly so nuanced about humans when if Black Whiskers by his own admission has only seen the worst of humanity, what is his frame of reference for assuming that things could be different?

I didn’t dare ask what ‘needles’ were, he was way too upset. But I understood that needles were bad, and I finally knew why Black Whiskers didn’t like the Mahoun—he met kidnappers. They had taken away his family and friends and hurt them. That saddened me.

I considered snuggling him for comfort, but I didn’t like the way he hissed at the water. I feared he would bite me out of frustration or something. So, I just looked at the ground, feeling terrible for being interested in the creatures that had hurt another Rattata so much.

Uh… yeah, Black Whiskers has seen some stuff in life. .-.

Tiny Fang: “I… I don’t think I want to find Mahoun anymore.”
:eltyscared:

Black Whiskers: “Look, I said I met bad Mahoun, okay? Meaning there’s good Mahoun, too.”

«Thought all Mahoun bad! Never wanted forgive!» Then, he stopped hissing and looked again at me. «…But thought wrong.»

I glanced at him quizzically. That change of mood surprised me. «Wrong?»

Tiny Fang: “... Wait, but how? You’ve only ever had bad things to say about the Mahoun.” .-.
Black Whiskers: “... Well…”

«Not all Mahoun bad. Found good Mahoun.» He turned to the sky. «Seen Mahoun and creatures friends. No bad magic. No hurt. But family.»

[ ]


«Mahoun and creatures… friends?»

«Yes. Talked to creatures. Learned way. Way to good Mahoun.» He looked again at me. «Tiny Fang interested in Mahoun. Can teach way.»

[ ]


«What way?»

«Way to befriend. Weak creatures find Mahoun. Mahoun accept weak creatures. Weak creatures become strong.» He waved his forepaws over his eyes. «Seen many times. Creatures befriend Mahoun. Good Mahoun.»

This bit is another one where it feels like the conversation is moving enough thematically that it probably makes sense to add a couple paragraphs of description. Like it might make sense to show more proverbial gear-turning in Tiny Fang’s head before the ‘friends’ line since this is litearally the first time he’s heard from the mouth of another Rattata that humans can actually be positive entities. Similarly, after Black Whiskers’ mention of there being a way to find Mahoun, it might make sense to have Tiny Fang wonder a bit about what that would be like or something like that.

«Can befriend Mahoun…?» I wondered. That seemed too good to be true.

«Tiny Fang can!» Black Whiskers looked very confident of his claim and almost offended by my doubt. «Tiny Fang weak. Tiny Fang can become strong. Mahoun can help.» He paused, probably to let the information sink in. «If Tiny Fang want… Can teach way. Take to good Mahoun.»

Tiny Fang: “... I’m sorry, but how do you know this again?” .-.
Black Whiskers: “Observed experience and secondhand knowledge?”
:joltyshrug:


There was a long silence. I looked again at the moon, thinking hard about that possibility. Black Whiskers had finally agreed to lead me to the Mahoun, but… did I want to do it, now that I had the chance? It was my persistent desire to meet the Mahoun that got my most best friend killed, which made me the worst bad Rattata.

This… is going to get Black Whiskers killed as well, isn’t it?
:copyka2~1:


However, I would have never gotten another chance like this. I had to leave, anyway, and even without Far Searcher going, I would have left the mischief on my own soon enough. The Mahoun… I really wanted to meet them. And, deep inside, I still believe my wish is partly why Far Searcher gave up his red life for me. He fulfilled his reason for living until his goneness… by helping a friend. By making letting me escape so I could live and see the Mahoun.

I had to honor my most best friend by fulfilling my reason for living—finding Mahoun.

«Black Whiskers.» I stood to my feet and stared at him. «Mahoun where?»

Aaaaand title drop. Though I’m pretty sure that this process is going to wind up being a saga in its own right, since… going off into parts unknown as a Rattata in the hopes that you’ll find a human that won’t just run you off.



As I found out, the Mahoun were much closer than I had ever imagined. There was a home full of Mahoun at the end of the forest, in an area surrounded by trees covered in pink flowers. They all lived in very big caves built with their powers, by raising them from the ground. Those caves looked much stronger than the wood cave found in the forest. I was amazed.

Oh, so the “wood cave” was a shed of some sort. I think, anyways.

Black Whiskers motioned toward some tall grass. It was time to teach me how to meet and befriend a Mahoun.

«Tiny Fang hide. When Mahoun enter and look, Tiny Fang approach.» He looked at me. «Mahoun choose. Accept, Tiny Fang obey. No accept, Tiny Fang wait more.»

«Yes.»

Tiny Fang: “W-Wait, obey?” ._.

«Tiny Fang must obey Mahoun. Always. Not obey, Mahoun abandon.»

«Understand.»

Tiny Fang: “I’m… starting to think that I shouldn’t find Mahoun again.”
:uhhh:


Black Whiskers looked intently at me, his ears folded behind. «…Tiny Fang not scared?»

«No…» I stopped, before feeling my ears going back. «…Little nervous.»

He’s totally scared right now. Though I kinda wonder if Tiny Fang ought to have had more internal commentary at some of the concepts that Black Whiskers is bringing up. Like if nothing else, I’d expect him to freak out a bit about the idea of having to obey a human at all times or else risk abandonment since he’s basically going through that in live-time with his mischief right now. It’d also help break up the dialogue into bits that are more thematically connected with one another.

«Tiny Fang be fine.» Black Whiskers gave me a reassuring rub on my face. «Tiny Fang very brave.»

I looked at him in astonishment. «Brave…?»

«Yes! Tiny Fang do what others do not! Mahoun befriend brave!» he squeaked, showing that he truly believed in me. «Tiny Fang can! Tiny Fang be fine! Confident! Yes!»

D’aww. Though that guilt from Black Whiskers must be something else if he’s bending over backwards this much to try and help Tiny Fang realize his dream.

Black Whiskers: “Also, more than a little headstrong and foolhardy, but let’s not get into that right now.” ^^;
Tiny Fang: “Gee, thanks...” >_>;

I looked intently at Black Whiskers, my ears twitching back and forth. I had gained newfound respect for that moon Rattata. He was putting aside his dislike toward the Mahoun just to give me a chance. The chance to find a new home. My home.

I narrowed my eyes and held my ears high, confident once more.

«Nervous no more. Will do!» I chittered.

«…Good.» Black Whiskers looked uneasily at the trees, seeing that the moon was very low. There was no more time left. «Must go now.»

Black Whiskers: “Good luck, Tiny Fang. (You’re gonna need it.)” ^^;

«Thanks for help.» I approached him, snuggling into his fur. That was the last time I would have snuggled with a member of my mischief. «Farewell Black Whiskers.»

Black Whiskers snuggled back, making some sad chirps. «Farewell Tiny Fang.»

And just like that, he ran into the forest and back to the mischief, just as the sun began racing in the sky. I waited there, in the tall grass. Waited for a Mahoun to accept me.

Or else knock you into next week for that sweet, sweet EXP. But let’s think positive right now. :V



Panting. I was panting as I moved back and forth in the tall grass. I noticed some Caterpie crawling inside the grass, but I paid them no attention. I saw some Weedle, too. I had to pay attention to them, to avoid their poison needles.

And then, the grass creaked. I spun to the noise, seeing what entered into the tall grass.

Huge creature, two eyes, standing on two legs, strange fur… Ah, yes! No doubt, a Mahoun had appeared!

It’s going to be something like an Ursaring, isn’t it?

I walked closer, wanting to see it better. It was very big, almost as big as a Machoke. It was looking into the tall grass, searching for something.

That was the signal! I rushed forward, appearing in front of the Mahoun. Its scent smelled very strong, almost pungent: a male, most likely. My whiskers and ears were twitching a lot. Fear? Excitement? Happiness? I couldn’t say.

A subtle detail, but it makes sense, since the body odor of humans and predatory mammals writ large tends to be strong to herbivores. I remember Watership Down got some mileage out of that one with the way the book described foxes as ‘stinking’ from the perspective of the viewpoint characters.


The Mahoun stared at me for a long time. Deciding if he wanted to accept me or not. However, he shook his head and walked in another direction, away from the tall grass.

Oh. He didn’t accept me. I felt very dejected, but decided to try again.

Tiny Fang: “Th-They’re not all this picky, are they?”
:uhhh:


I hid once more, waiting for another Mahoun. Soon enough, another one entered the tall grass. Without hesitation, I stepped forward and walked in front of the Mahoun. This one had longer fur on its back, and its scent was more delicate—a female, maybe?

She looked down at me and released a loud shrill. That greatly startled me. What did it mean? Was it yes? Or no?

Cue the smack from her shoulder bag in about five seconds.

She dropped a red and white ball to the ground, and a pink creature with blue collar and black eyes appeared in front of me.

Pink body and blue collar… Oh, was that a Snubbull? So that was another show of Mahoun’s great magic: they could create creatures! Could they create Rattata, too?

Tiny Fang: “U-Uh… wait a minute, but weren’t Snubbull one of those Pokémon the mischief has been having trouble with picking off foragers lately?”
:uhhh:


I tried to talk to the Mahoun. I was very curious! However, the Snubbull showed her fangs and barked at me, before chasing me. I squeaked in fear and ran back into the tall grass, leaving her alone with the Mahoun.

Female Mahoun had decided. It was no. That made me very sad.

Tiny Fang:
ive-made-a-huge-mistake-mistake.gif


By the time the sun raced above me, I was losing hope and strength. No Mahoun had accepted me: they ignored me, or scared me with other creatures, or even attacked me with other creatures!

My mischief didn’t want me, the Mahoun didn’t want me… Who wanted me? Why did no one want me? Was I the worst bad Rattata in the world? …Maybe I truly was. I started whimpering in distress.

This part hit me harder than I’d expected it would. Since… uh, yeah, leaving home after getting rejected by it only to get rejected again can’t possibly be good for one’s self-worth.
:sadwott~1:


Another rustle, another Mahoun. I didn’t even get up, too sad and weak to get another refusal. The Mahoun stepped in my direction, looking directly at the tall grass. And then, it found me.

“Ah! A wild Rattata!”

Tiny Fang: “... ‘Rattata’? This Mahoun’s looking for one?”

I looked up, seeing that the Mahoun had walked in front of me, unlike the others. From up close, I could smell it better—another male. He was smaller than the other Mahoun I had seen, but still much bigger than me. He lowered himself to his four paws and tilted his head, while his eyes shone brightly.

“Hello! What are you doing here?”

Ah yes, hello Youngster Joey.

I narrowed my eyes. How could I understand his language, despite never hearing it before? Was it because of the Mahoun’s mind power? …Yes, probably that was it.

«Looking for Mahoun. Accept?» I asked.

The Mahoun just blinked in confusion. Oh. He didn’t understand me. Black Whiskers said that they couldn’t understand us. Probably that was a power they lacked, strangely enough.

Oh, so there’s asymmetric intelligibility between humans and Pokémon in this setting. That makes me wonder how it is that works in your setting, even if it’s seemingly the assumption the anime makes.

“Are you hungry?”

Hungry…? Actually, I was hungry. I had been waiting for a Mahoun to accept me throughout all sun phase. I twitched my whiskers. «Yes.»

- Cue the blank staring match between Tiny Fang and his Mahoun -
Tiny Fang: “... Right, can’t understand me. Maybe suggest a gesture for ‘yes’ and one for ‘no’?” ^^;

The Mahoun kept looking at me while his eyes narrowed. He moved one hand inside the fur of his leg and took out a brown round thing. I sniffed at it curiously.

“I have a cookie. Do you want it?”

A ‘cookie’… what was that? It smelled good, so I bit a piece off of it. It tasted even better. I had realized then that I was starving, so I ate the ‘cookie’ in a few bites.

And then this story became If You Give a Mouse Rattata a Cookie.

The Mahoun kept looking at me, before curling the corners of his mouth upwards. I didn’t understand that sign. Was that a threat, or…?

Fortunately Youngster Joey didn’t think to smile with his teeth, since otherwise there’s decent odds that Tiny Fang would’ve interpreted that as a threat display.

“You seem a good Rattata. Would you like to be my Pokémon?”

Oh, that didn’t seem like a threat. It was nice that he considered me a good Rattata, but what was a ‘Pokémon’? I had never heard that name before. Maybe it meant ‘accepted’, as in ‘my accepted’? I nuzzled his hand, tapping it many times with my nose. Yes, I wanted to be his ‘accepted’.

Tiny Fang: “Oh thank goodness, at first I thought you were going to sic some scary hunter on me for a trial by battle first.” ^^;

The Mahoun looked over me, before wincing. That reaction startled me, I didn’t attack him! Though, I realized that he was staring at the red on my paw. Oh… yes. The result of an assault from a Growlithe created by a Mahoun. The red heat had become brown, but it still felt very hot.

I… kinda feel like this incident was big enough that it probably would’ve made sense to show it off explicitly, since this goes significantly beyond the chasing off Tiny Fang got from the Snubbull and it might’ve been interesting to see Tiny Fang’s thought process after running into a human and then getting hurt by one wielding a Pokémon that is normally a feared predator for him. Since that seems like something that would at once be frightening and demoralizing for him, potentially to the point of making him question if he and Black Whiskers were right about trying to find a human depending on when in the day it happened.

“Oh, no! You’re hurt…” he said with a whimpering tone, moving his hand into his leg fur again. From it, came out a magic ball—just like the ones used by other Mahoun to attack me. I squeaked in fear and felt my ears folding, afraid of the creature hiding inside of it. However, the Mahoun placed a hand on my head and rubbed me slowly. He started talking, his voice very gentle, “Don’t worry. I’ll take you to the Pokémon Center to get you healed. You’ll be fine. Really.”

I didn’t understand some of those words, but ‘don’t worry’ and ‘fine’ stood out for me.

Fine… Fine… I would be fine.

I lowered myself to the ground, tucking my paws under my body. I did my best to appear relaxed, to let him know that I wasn’t afraid. Somehow, I knew I could trust that Mahoun.

Tiny Fang: “Here goes nothing…”

The Mahoun did that action again: curling the corners of his mouth upwards, even if his eyes seemed to say something else—concern, maybe. Then, he pressed the magic ball on my head.

What happened next is something I couldn’t describe. I felt like something invisible had grabbed me and pulled me toward the magic ball. This invisible power forced me to curl up, as the magic ball closed and trapped me inside.

There was darkness. A warm, tight, comfortable darkness, and I passed out.

Oh, so Pokéballs in your settings are stasis balls, huh? Filing that one away for the future.



Light. An intense light was shining over me, both inside and outside my body.

A strange fog had invaded my mind. I heard the cries of my mischief, screaming at me I was the worst bad. I saw Far Searcher and Black Whiskers, both telling me I would be fine. I saw the face of the small Mahoun, who reached out for me with his hand. I heard distant sounds that I couldn’t recognize, beeps that pierced my ears.

And I passed out once more.

Oh, so that’s what the healing machine looks like from the inside. Or at least I think that’s what’s going on here.



“Okay, you can come out!”

I felt the invisible force grabbing me, before dragging me outside of the magic ball. This magic dropped me on some smooth white ground, and I shook my ears and whiskers as I slowly regained my senses.

That sensation felt so strange… was I born again? It felt like I was reborn thanks to some kind of magic, but by looking at myself, I saw I wasn’t a newborn.

Huh, interesting parallel to the hatching scene from the opening now that you mention it. Though I suppose it’s fitting since this is functionally a new start for Tiny Fang’s life.

Also, I was feeling… fine. No, better than fine. The fatigue of the past sun phases and moon phases had disappeared. The pain and wounds of the creatures who attacked me were gone, too. Also, I noticed that the hot brown on my paw had disappeared. Did the magic ball do this to me? Mahoun’s powers were truly amazing!

Tiny Fang: “I… I think I could get used to this.” ^^;

Then, I felt something wrap around my chest and lift very high. I squeaked in shock—an Ekans, an Ekans!

…No, that was not it. I detected a familiar scent, not poison, and looked behind me.

It was the small Mahoun, holding me in his hands while showing a curled-up mouth. “Mom! Look what I’ve caught with my birthday Poké Ball!” he squealed, holding me higher. “A Rattata!”

I’ll admit, I initially thought these two were going to still be in the Pokémon Center. Though it makes sense that Youngster Joey would want to go straight home to show off his new catch.

In front of us, there was a much taller Mahoun, who was looking at the creature holding me. I sniffed at it—female, maybe an elder. So she was Mom.

She stared at me and hummed. I could feel myself being much smaller under that stare, and the sensation became much stronger when she placed a hand on my head—was she going to crush me!? …No, she didn’t. She patted my head, and I dared open my eyes.

The corners of her mouth rose slightly. If only I knew what that meant! It was a positive sign, however, this much I had understood.

:seviuwu:


D’aww. Though I’m a little surprised that Tiny Fang’s mind when he realizes he’s being pet didn’t instantly go to snuggling, since one would think that it’s a similar experience for him.

“Ah, a Rattata?” she asked, looking intently at me. “Well, a Rattata is a good choice for a starting Trainer. They are easy to raise and train.”

“Yeah!” he exclaimed, before looking at me with a sad expression. “This little guy was attacked by other Pokémon. He had a bad burn and some scratches all over his body. So, I caught him and took him to the Pokémon Center. I couldn’t just leave him in the tall grass all by himself…”

… Not least of all since if Tiny Fang was really in as bad of condition as implied there, there’s good odds he wouldn’t have lasted the night.
:fearfullaugh~1:


“I see. That was nice of you, darling,” she responded with pride in her voice, before putting her hand under my chin and lifting my head. This action startled me, but I didn’t react out of fear of making her angry. I remembered what happened when I fought Elder Koratta, and I didn’t want a repeat. “Hmm… by judging his overall body size and the length of his fangs, I think this is a Zeta Rattata.”

The smaller Mahoun tilted his head. “Zeta Rattata?”

“A Zeta Rattata is the lowest member of the hierarchy, the runt of the nest. They rarely live long, due to being subject to great amounts of stress from the alphas and betas. I can say that because this Rattata looks smaller than average and shows signs of undernourishment. My theory is that other Pokémon attacked him after he was abandoned by his family. However, that’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a rich diet and some adequate supplements and vitamins.”

‘Zeta Rattata’ huh? I’m a little surprised you didn’t default to ‘Omega’ given that that’s used for the lowest-ranked members of the likes of dog packs. But I suppose that it can still make sense if Rattata social hierarchies only have six observed tiers to them… or ‘Z’ from Latin / one of the languages that does not distinguish between it and Greek Zeta.

Tiny Fang: “Stars, I wish I was abandoned by my family considering how things were going at the end.” >_>;

… I didn’t understand most of what Mom just said, so I wasn’t sure whether her words were good or bad. However, the smaller Mahoun seemed to have understood and tilted his head up and down.

“Oh, okay. The nurse said something like that, too.” He looked at me, and I could see compassion in his eyes. “You had a very tough life, huh?”

If only he knew. If only I could tell him.

Youngster Joey: “I’m… just going to take that as a yes.” ^^;

“Well, you’re part of my family now!”

He opened his mouth and showed his teeth. Normally, that would be a threatening expression, but from his eyes and the tone of his voice, I understood that it was a friendly gesture. Mahoun were strange creatures.

And I’ll take good care of you. I won’t mistreat and abandon you like your family! I promise!” He lowered his paws and wrapped them around me, keeping me pressed on his chest. “I will be your friend.”

I would recommend breaking this paragraph up like so. Though I see smiles are indeed threat displays to Rattata normally. I suppose the linguistic intelligibility helps a lot for smoothing out miscommunications like that.


Ah, scent-sharing! Instinctively, I shook my whiskers and snuggled onto him, exchanging our respective scents. He reacted to that by making something similar to happy chirps and rubbing my head with his fingers.

Finally, I had found a mischief who accepted me. I had fulfilled my reason for living. I had found the Mahoun.

I wheeked with uncontrollable joy. I was so much happy.

I was home.

I… think I have sand in my eye again, though that’s definitely a cute moment there.



“Ah, right! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Gorō!” said the small Mahoun, while carrying me to a new place named ‘bedroom’.

Gorō… what a bizarre name.

Ah yes, the big reveal of who Tiny Fang’s new trainer is. It’s a bit disguised at this point of the story, but it’s honestly a really clever tie-in to canon that I’m not biased at all about since I’ve got a plot bunny of my own that was considering doing something similar to this with another canon NPC. It’s also really touching since while Tiny Fang doesn’t know it, once the reader realizes who his trainer is... yeah, he kinda hit the jackpot as a Zeta Rattata.

There was something I had learned from his scent: he was young and healthy, just like me. However, he didn’t seem to have other siblings, unlike me. His scent had the traces of Mom’s scent and the strong scent of another big Mahoun. I didn’t detect the scent of any other Mahoun. He was very lucky.

:copyka~1:


I mean, I don’t begrudge Tiny Fang for thinking the way he does about siblings from his life experiences, but that’s still a bit disconcerting to read.

We reached the ‘bedroom’, and Gorō introduced me to a soft resting spot named ‘bed’ and a flat and long wood rectangle with four legs named ‘desk’. On top of it was a strange gray square with a black square named ‘kompyutah’. I stared at the black square in confusion: was there another Rattata with another Mahoun? I waved my paw and the other Rattata waved at me. Well, at least it seemed nice.

Oh, so they’re watching Rattata videos together.

Gorō took me away from the ‘kompyutah’ and showed me a tiny thing named ‘toy’. It was a pink round item, like the magic ball he used to ‘catch’ me. He put me back to the ground and in front of the ‘toy’, before sitting beside me. I sniffed the ‘toy’ curiously and bit into it. It released a loud squeak.

Was it another Rattata? A pink Rattata? I opened my jaws in shock and looked at Gorō. He was curling the corners again, so that was positive…?

Wait, how long has Gorō been planning on training a Rattata anyways if he already had a chew toy ready to go for Tiny Fang?

I bit the ‘toy’ again. No red life… I quickly realized that it wasn’t alive. I kept chewing it, feeling my bite becoming stronger and going further, and my fangs being trimmed. It felt like chewing a walnut, but nicer.

“So, do you like it?” asked Gorō, looking intently at me. I looked back at him, wheeking to let him know that yes, I liked that!

Tiny Fang: “... Yeah, I totally found a good Mahoun.” ^^;

However, a black creature entered in the ‘bedroom’, barking incessantly. It had an orange muzzle, with dangling tongue and a full set of sharp fangs. A hunter!

Tiny Fang: “... Maybe I spoke too soon.” ._.

I dropped the ‘toy’ and hid behind Gorō, terrified by the unknown creature. Gorō looked at me, showing gentle eyes. “Don’t be afraid, Rattata,” he said reassuringly, patting me on my head. “That’s Wildfire, our Houndour. She’s friendly, she won’t hurt you.”

Wildfire noticed me and took a quick sniff. She yapped and bent herself to the ground, looking at me with interest. «New!! New pup!!» she barked, wagging her tail. «Wanna play?! Please, play!!»

Oh, so other Pokémon are intelligible to Rattata. I’d ask why Tiny Fang didn’t hear any banter from the likes of that Furret, but eh. I suppose one wouldn’t want to talk with one’s lunch a whole lot instead of just going in for the kill.

Also, Wildfire’s adorable there.

I stared at Wildfire, very confused by her behavior. No hunter had ever acted like that with a Rattata. At least, no hunter had ever bothered to talk to a Rattata. I wondered if other hunters could talk, too.

«Not hunt…?» I asked uneasily.

«Hunt?! Noo!!» she replied incredulously, tilting her head. «Rattata pup is family!! Don’t hunt!!»

Tiny Fang: “Wait, what sort of messed up ‘family’ is this? Nobody’s crowding and jostling for food and pushing others out of the way.” .-.
Wildfire: “Could ask the same, really. Since whatever family you used to know honestly sounds pretty terrible.” ^^;

I looked at Gorō, who tilted his head up and down. Another positive signal. Hesitantly, I walked toward Wildfire, keeping my ears folded. She leaned toward me and gave me a quick lick on my face.

Now that was something I understood. She truly meant no harm. I felt my ears standing up, and I became much more relaxed.

“Ah, see? Told you! She’s a good pup!” said Gorō, patting Wildfire with joy in his eyes and showing his curled-up mouth.

Tiny Fang: “... That’s gonna take some getting used to. Though on that note…”

«Why Gorō curl mouth?» I asked Wildfire.

«Smile!!» she responded, trying to imitate the action herself. That only made her look scarier to me, but Gorō seemed amused. «Smile is good!! Smile means happy!! Human is happy!!»

Tiny Fang: “Mahoun literally display the things they use to bite others when they’re happy?” ._.
Wildfire: “‘Mahoun’? Assuming you mean ‘humans’, er… yeah, they kinda do. Though they usually grow out of biting each other when they’re pups.” ^^;

[ ]

«Human?» I narrowed my eyes, very confused. «No Mahoun…?»

«Human is Mahoun!! Same creature!!» she explained. «Wild pups say Mahoun!! Pokémon say Humans!!»

Oh, so ‘Mahoun’ isn’t exclusive to Rattata as a term. Though this feels like another segment where it’d make sense to more explicitly show off how the wheels are turning in Tiny Fang’s head at the moment.

Mahoun and Humans… same creature…

I glanced at Gorō, noticing how he did that action while looking at us—‘smile’. So he was happy with us. Nice.

Tiny Fang: “I… don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this.” ^^;
Wildfire: “You will sooner than you think, trust me.”

“Why don’t you play with each other?” asked Gorō, before looking intently at Wildfire. “But don’t be rough with him, Wildfire. He is much smaller than you.”

«I won’t!!» she yapped at Gorō, before looking at me. «Play chase!! I grab ball; you steal!!»

Tiny Fang: “Wait, from you? But you’re at least four times my size-” ._.;

With this said, she grabbed the ‘toy’ in her jaws and began running around the ‘bedroom’. Still confused by the situation, I chased her and stole the ball from her jaws. Then, she chased me and stole the ball from me. And we continued doing that, many times, while Gorō ‘smiled’ at us. That was so much fun!

Like that, I became friends with a hunter.

Well, that actually worked out a lot better than I expected between Tiny Fang and Wildfire. Though figures since the focus of this story is shifting to Tiny Fang navigating a brave new world and his new life in it.



A mischief of Mahoun—or rather, of Humans—didn’t seem that terrifying, once you knew them better. They lacked real fur mostly, except their heads, and they hid their skins with things called ‘clothes’. Funny name.

Tiny Fang: “Not sure why they feel a need to do that, but hey, they’re certainly never boring.” ^^;

Gorō, in particular, had brown fur on his head and always hid his skin with a yellow ‘cloth’ on his chest and a blue ‘cloth’ on his legs. I wondered why they did that. Maybe ‘clothes’ are the source of their powers?

Ah yes, the part where people who couldn’t be bothered to load Google in a tab start getting an idea of who ‘Gorō’ is. I dunno how much of this is just your headcanon and how much of it is a deliberate choice to allow for a gradual reveal to who Tiny Fang’s trainer is, but it’s a nice touch.

The moon phase after my ‘catch’, Gorō gave me some small crunchy balls called ‘Pokémon food’. He said those were for small Pokémon like me. I still don’t understand what ‘Pokémon’ means. He used that word with all other creatures living with Humans, so maybe it means ‘creature friend’?

Tiny Fang’s misinterpretations can get really adorable sometimes.

He wanted to be my friend… Well, I surely considered him a friend! And all other creatures of the mischief considered Humans friends, too, and it was nice to see how we were a family where no one was bad. Only good.

I mean, it helps that you’re all good-natured. Since… yeah, I can think of some situations where Pokémon wouldn’t be super thrilled about their teammates even in a more normal training environment. ^^;

The ‘Pokémon food’ was delicious. Dry, yes, but it was much richer than what I used to eat in the woods. And it was all for me! Big Eater wouldn’t be able to steal my food anymore!

I missed my old mischief… until I recalled how everyone, excluding Far Searcher and Black Whiskers, treated me.

Tiny Fang:
oh-no-anyway.jpg


And then, I looked at my new mischief. At Wildfire eating Pokémon food with a Houndoom, a bigger Houndour with horns. At Gorō, Mom and someone named Dad, eating together and sharing big ‘smiles’. Everyone looked so… happy. I was happy.

I didn’t miss my old mischief anymore.

That actually makes me wonder if or how Tiny Fang’s attitude would be different if he weren’t the runt of his litter. Or if he would’ve just never had the motivation to go and find a human without being pressured to quit his lifestyle in the wild.



Something I learned about creatures living with Humans is that they often fight against other creatures. Though, it never ends with one of the two losing all their red life. It was more like those games you play with your siblings—you end up hurt, but you grow stronger with each battle.

Oh, so we get to see what a wild encounter with a trainer looks like from Tiny Fang’s perspective.

So, I had to fight another creature. It was a Sentret, probably a cub of some Furret. She didn’t look too confident—surely she was fearing Gorō, or me accompanying Gorō. That was very satisfying, seeing a tiny killer looking at me in fear.

Wildfire: “Uh… I think we need to have a talk.”
:eltyunamused:

Tiny Fang: “No, no. I’m enjoying this right now.”
:evilpix:


I remembered the goneness of Far Searcher, my most best friend… Well, I was more determined to fight.

Gorō told me to use ‘tail whip’. Sure, I had a tail, but what was a ‘whip’? Tail… Tail… Oh, there was something I could do with my tail! I turned around and began shaking it, sending white magic toward the Sentret. She growled, not appreciating the weakening effect of my power.

Huh. Is Tail Whip really that flashy in the anime? Though I suppose you won’t ever miss what’s going on there with it.

Gorō smiled and cheered. So I did well? That was what he asked me? That was a ‘tail whip’? I had to remember that.

However, the Sentret rushed toward me while I was distracted and ran her claws on my side. I winced, that hurt a bit. I saw Gorō wincing as well, looking concerned. However, he showed resolute eyes and told me to ‘tackle’.

Tiny Fang: “Way ahead of you!”

I hissed at the Sentret and rammed into her. By judging her expression, I had hurt her a lot more.

“Yes! Keep doing that!” cried out Gorō, showing a big smile. I looked back at him and wheeked in response. I would have given it all!

Tiny Fang, you’re worrying me right about now. .-.

The Sentret scratched me once more, and I ‘tackle’ once more. She shrieked and fell to the ground with a thud. She began panting and twitching, too exhausted to keep fighting, while Gorō squealed happily.

“Woohoo! Way to go!”

Can’t tell if we’re about to see Tiny Fang do a happy dance or continuing to kick this Sentret while she’s down.

I shook in excitement. Did I really win, for once…? And against a killer? So it was true! Humans could make creatures stronger! Humans could make creatures winners! I was strong! Strong!

That felt… good. Very good!

Whelp, looks like it’s a bit more ‘happy dance’ for Tiny Fang right now.

The Sentret fled toward the woods, while Gorō approached me. He showed a big smile and patted me on my head. That felt so nice.

“Good job! I knew you could do it!”

I just realized, but I’m not sure if Tiny Fang was ever told this by anyone else in his mischief at any point. It’s at once touching and kinda sad.

That made me feel so happy, so appreciated. I snuggled onto Gorō, who chirped happily in response.

“You are a good Rattata!”

Yes… finally, I was a good Rattata.

You always were, Tiny Fang.



The Pidgey lies on the floor, cooing weakly and tiredly. It vanishes in a bright light, trapped again into its magic ball. Akira, the other Human, looks at Gorō with a surprised expression.

Ah yes, now we’re onto Tiny Fang’s first trainer battle from his perspective. I actually did a lookup on Bulbapedia to see if Akira was a reference to anyone, but it appears that he’s created wholecloth for this story, since his team doesn’t line up with A.J.’s from the anime.

“Wow, your Rattata is so tough! How did he become so strong?” he asks Gorō, his eyes showing curiosity. There is some sadness in his voice, probably because he lost this time. That was despite sending two creatures against me.

I mean, being in the top percentage of Rattata would help with that, yes. :V

Gorō laughs, showing one of his ‘toothy’ smiles. “Well, I have trained a lot with some good training buddies!”

Yes, I will say that battling with Wildfire and the Human with blue hair and eyes has helped a lot.

Yeah, I suppose that would confirm that Akira is an OC. Either that or I need to pull up a list of game trainers across languages sometime.

“Ah, I see. Well, can we battle again someday?” said Akira, before showing a smile, too. “I won’t lose next time!”

“Sure! I’d love to!”

Akira and Gorō shake each other’s hands—a greeting among Humans—and say goodbye to each other.

What, no Pokégear phone number exchange? :V

When Akira leaves, Gorō lowers himself to my level and pats me on my head. “You did great! I’m so glad you are my Pokémon!” he says happily. I am glad to be his Pokémon, too. “You know, I think we could become champions, one day.” He shakes his head, before his eyes shine with pure determination. “No, better than that! We will become legendary!

Well, I don’t know about the ‘champions’ part, but he’s not wrong at all about that last one.
:bleplithe:


Become legendary… Yes, I like that much. This will be my new reason for living. With Gorō, my most best Human friend, I will show to the world what I am capable of. That even bad Rattata can be good Rattata.

Yeah, it honestly feels very on-brand with the message of the Pokémon anime. Like I honestly felt like watching some sort of splice between Watership Down and a Pokéani special. Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you.

As for tradition, since I am a member of a new mischief, I needed a new name. Gorō picked one for me.

My new name is Top Percentage.

…And I love that.

Aaaaaand there it is. The moment where Tiny Fang’s trainer becomes unmistakeable for everybody. It’s honestly a really cute and satisfying turn of events for this entire story.

The End

And what an ending it was.
:seviuwu:


Alright, time to gather my thoughts, since there’s… uh… a lot for a lot of story to summarize.

First and foremost, I like how you went all-in on the Xenofiction angle, and even if there were some parts that I originally raised my brow at, it paid off pretty well. The thought process of Pokémon in this story at once isn’t too alien to be unrelatable, but at the same time it’s distinctly not a human one, and the story is always careful to emphasize that, especially with the characters’ own voices. Tying in with that above, but I also really liked the level of care you put in with the story’s worldbuilding. You do a good job at making things that would normally be familiar to the readers come off as alien to Tiny Fang, and it’s fun to see how things we take for granted one way or another as humans play very differently from a Rattata’s perspective.

The story isn’t a slouch in terms of how emotive it is either. You do a very good job at getting scenes to “vibe” with roughly how Tiny Fang is intended to feel at different points, and you hit a broad range of emotional moods. Not many stories can manage to make me feel tense, sad, happy, and laugh all in a single update, but your one-shot did, and it did all of those things quite well.

That said, every painting has its flaw, and there were a few that stood out to me that I thought could be improved. On the simpler side, there’s some miscellaneous typos and grammar slip-ups here and there, I won’t go too in-depth into them since I highlighted a number in my line-by-lines, but they’re there, and likely merit a polishing at some point. A bit of a more labor-intensive flaw I spotted to fix was that there were a number of blocks of dialogue that felt to be a bit into “talking heads” territory for my liking. Most of them strike me as places that would benefit from something being added there to break them up. Such as some description of body language, small actions, or even just Tiny Fang’s internal thoughts since he’s the narrator. After all, this story is all about showing off a story through the perspective of a being very different from us. Don’t pass up opportunities to show that off!

Okay, onto the biggie structural gripe that I had with this one-shot, but I kinda wonder if this one-shot would’ve worked better as a short story with multiple chapters. Since from an eyeballing, there were 21 scenes in it, which made things feel a bit long in spite of the total length only being a little over 12,000 words in total.

For example, you basically have five relatively clean thematic divisions in this one-shot that could’ve been turned into their own, small and fairly self-contained chapters without a ton of effort:

• Tiny Fang’s birth up to his initial interest in FInding Mahoun and getting mocked by his mischief (a little under 2500 words), which works pretty well as an introductory chapter
• Black Whiskers’ arrival into Tiny Fang’s Mischief up to TF’s decision to sneak after Far Seacher’s expedition (about 2300 words), as a “rising action” chapter
• Tiny Fang catching up with Far Searcher up to Far Searcher’s death (about 2000 words), as the sequence that tees up the nadir in the story for Tiny Fang
• Tiny Fang getting ostracized by his mischief up to his capture (about 2800 words), which encapsulates the end of Tiny Fang’s life as a member of his mischief
• The rest of the story focusing on Tiny Fang getting used to life with a trainer (about 2600 words), which serves as the denouement and the emotional payoff to the whole saga beforehand

Though I suppose in the end, it’s a matter of taste. I won’t blame you if you decide to stick to your guns even after further expansion since this story was written as a one-shot at first, but it’s something that I feel is worth your consideration.

But those flaws honestly didn’t do too much to take me out of things, @Cresselia92 . Even if it took me a while to get through, I really liked this story and it will be on my shortlist of stories to recommend to people looking for Xenofiction stories about Pokémon. I know there have been some times where you’ve worried about how well your writing has been turning out, but from what I read… I honestly think those worries are a tad overblown. You’ve got something special with this story, and it’s definitely got me interested in reading some of your other works you have around here.

Kudos, and I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths with your writing again sometime soon. ^^
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
Hello! Hope you're having a great day! Here's a review!

Brief Summary:

So the story starts with a Rattata being born who is later named Tiny Fang due to him being the runt of the litter.

It continues with him growing and learning as well as showing off his relationships with his mischief. Then his family meets another family and they both decide to combine their forces to become a bigger mischief and that's when Tiny Fang meets his first and only friend, Far Searcher.

He later learns about the hunters of the forest and about humans. This sparks an interest in his tiny rat mind and thus sets off a chain of events that eventually leads to meeting an Alolan Rattata, losing his friend, getting exiled and becoming a trainer's Pokémon.

Thoughts on fic:

This is probably my first ever xenofic and I gotta say, I'd dearly enjoyed it from start to end.

It gives a wonderful perspective on the animalistic side of Pokémon as well as showing what some mons think of others.

The fear of humans from the Rattatas being mostly stemmed from their lack of knowledge and information is a fun little thought project that made me imagine what other mons would think of the human world.

It had cute moments and I enjoyed the parts when Tiny Fang could actually bond with people that liked him and the ending was a cute and lovely send-off.

And Black Whiskers, I'm assuming he was trafficked from Alola to Johto(?) by TR, being the catalyst to Tiny Fang's obsession and ultimately leading him to a happy, jolly life instead of what would probably be a life full of starvation and eventual death... was there perhaps a mystical force guiding this young Rattata towards the greatest trainer that ever lived, Youngster Joey...

Or was it all just a bunch of happy accidents? Dun dun dun...

Now, let's head onto the line-by-line reactions:

and fresh air entered in my body.
I feel like the 'in' is kinda unnecessary here.
We sat close to each other and waited. We were in the darkness, but I wasn’t scared anymore. Because I wasn’t alone. I was with a friend. A best friend.
That's cute.
After some time, our mischief freed us from the hole.
Mischief? Don't you mean mothers or families?
Good thing that Far Searcher would always keep some of his best findings for me and cheer me up when I was down. He was always so considerate and generous. But again, friends help each other.

Far Searcher was good. Very good. Even good at fighting.
... he's gonna die, isn't he?
I wish I was good, and not the bad of the mischief.
Oh, I get it. Mischief is your made-up noun for a group of Rattatas, right?

Black Whiskers was a strange Rattata. He had a much darker pelt and thicker whiskers, and was very good at traveling under the moon and at avoiding attacks from Noctowl—their mind magic didn’t work on him. Also, nobody was good at searching for food during the moon phase as him
Interesting, so he's an Alolan variant.

How did he get out of Alola? Did he hitchhike on a boat or something? Or is he a trainer's mon and his trainer just died?
Also, he used words that no other Rattata—not even Elder Koratta—knew about, like ‘electricity’ and ‘beach’. There were times I wondered if he just created those words to appear smarter.
So he is a trainer's mon... unless in this setting, Alolan Rattatas are very friendly with humans.

He always screamed «Black! Too black! Smoke!» many times, before passing out from exhaustion.
Okay, I think this pretty much confirms that his trainer's dead.

«Seen things. Very bad things,» he continued, his eyes looking at nothing. «Mahoun forbidden for reason. Kidnappers. Hunters. Poisoners.» He looked back at his paint and ran a paw upwards. It created many little shapes, with some of them looking like… «Growlithe. Moon Mahoun control Growlithe. Hot magic. Mahoun control Koffing. Poison magic. Mahoun control all bad magics! Mahoun dangerous!»

«…Mahoun interesting,» I whispered. It was a scary thought, but I really wondered how creatures who could control all kinds of magic looked like.

«Mahoun very bad,» insisted Black Whiskers, his eyes becoming thinner. «…Got called ‘pest’.»
Nvm, seems like it's just a case of bad-human-experience-itis.

«Growlithe. Moon Mahoun control Growlithe.
Moon? Is this a typo or something? 'cause I'm unsure what moon can mean in this context.

Last time we were together. Now I was alone.
Aw, this just gave me the sads.

Meet only bad Mahoun. Bad Mahoun with black fur and red shape,»
Team Rocket? So does the moon mean these guys?
I waved my paw and the other Rattata waved at me. Well, at least it seemed nice.
Cute.

Anywho, that's all from me. Take care!
 
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