Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S for beta reading!

Chapter 34: Upheaval​

(185)

June 4th (Late Night)

I finally arrived home, parking my car on the left side of the garage to avoid covering the hyperloop access on the other side.

Tango was awake and alert, trotting right up to me as I exited my vehicle. Strangely, were no feathers left about in the lawn! Perhaps recovery from death stunted their growth?

I had recently spent so much time with Rick, that my house felt rather empty, so I let Tango enter. Besides, the bird had shown he was willing to save my life! But it was unclear if that was altruism or a pain-seeking measure...



"I suppose I'll just have to clean up your feathers myself from now on, huh, Tango?"

Tango tilted his heads with his usual vacant look.

Some things never changed.

After the best day I had since my childhood, it was time to put pen to paper and memorialize the events in my diary.

I glanced at my large grandfather clock.

11:45pm

Not too terribly late. Certainly enough for a spot of writing and a cup of my favorite tea...

---

(186)

I entered the oak double doors of my study on the second floor with teacup in hand. I tread upon the oversized ornate primarily-red rug covering the vast majority of the walnut plank floor. My hand slid along the top of one of the wooden chairs that flanked the coffee table in the middle of the room as I made my way to the large window on the other side. It stretched most of the way up the fifteen foot ceiling and further across than the length of both my arms extended outward.

Lingering there a moment, I gazed on the quiet street below, lit only by the occasional street lamp.

Tango followed me in and promptly trotted to the far right corner of the room where I had placed a large dog bed for him. He perched upon it in a particularly dignified way for a Doduo. Almost as if he might have an appreciation for what was easily the finest room in my house.

I stepped over to my luxury leather chair behind my full-sized mahogany desk next to Tango's bed. My large oak bookshelf lined the wall behind it. I adjusted the nob on my desk lamp to half brightness.

Once seated, I bestowed my teacup exactly in the center of my square, Scyther-themed, coaster. The teacup handle was set precisely to a forty-five degree angle facing away to my left. Heat radiated from my cup of tea as its fragrance stimulated my olfactory sense.

My study doubled as a duel room with a table lined with green felt near the far wall with two more chairs like the one I was sitting in stationed at it.

Next, I selected my writing implement from the desk drawer to my right: a feather. For such an occasion, I would use the big one! I procured an inkwell to accompany it. My feather pen and inkwell awaited my instrumentation. To me, writing was not just a hobby, it was an art.



But first, tea!

It had exactly enough time to cool for proper indulgence. I lifted the cup with grace, a single pinky extending outward and inhaled as I took the first exquisite sip.

All was as it should be. After returning the cup to its rightful station, it was time for the task of penning my most recent excursion.

A dip of the feather in the ink, and...

(187)

Suddenly the window shattered with glass exploding inward in all directions!

The cause? A figure who had rammed through my second story window! They hit the floor with a roll springing to their feet before facing me.

My jaw dropped. "GR2!?"



GR2 stood straight, exuding confidence unlike their demeanor from our prior meeting in the ally. The eyes and mouth of their mask glowed yellow. "Mister Gentleman... Good evening."

These crazy GR Island folk! Did they not have DOORS on their island?!



I rubbed my temple with my fingers. "GR2... You are new to our island, so I'll cut you some slack. We have doors on our island. We don't typically enter our homes through windows..."

GR2 was still. Must have been deep in thought, the poor fellow. I imagined how awkward it would be from their perspective.



GR2 then took up the same posture they had in our first meeting, a slight bow while holding their hands together. "Many apologies to you, esteemed Champion! My king would surely hang me for such a grave offense. Our laws dictate that I must fix your window and become your servant, but only if you defeat me in a duel."



Hanging!? A bit extreme, but at least they were willing to fix my window... But a servant? Was I about to gain... A BUTLER!? I had always wanted a butler!



Ah, but that would be horribly unfair to GR2. All they did was break a window because they didn't realize there was a door... Entering the home must have seemed so confusing... No matter how I looked at it, lifelong servitude was not something I could seriously consider regardless of how much I wanted a butler...

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I'd love a servant, but the fact that it would be for life isn't something I can accept. It wouldn't be fair to you. How about for one week instead? I know it may seem long, but you did technically break a law by crashing through my window. Also, what would you gain if you won?"



GR2 tilted their head slightly and froze for a moment. "Such generosity! You should be careful with that, lest you leave yourself vulnerable... As for my winnings, All I ask is for you to accompany me to my island. Our king would like to meet you!"



The King? It seemed my popularity had finally spread to the other islands. I had been thinking about taking a vacation there anyway, so it was a win-win!

I nodded. "Sounds fine to me!"



GR2 bowed. "Splendid! Shall we?"

---

We opted to duel at the table. It was a welcome reprieve indeed from all but my most recent duels being on the floor...

Unfortunately, Mew had insisted on having me return the copy of my unrestricted deck, 'Mystic Fire', prior to leaving the dome the day before. It meant that I was now back to my all-common deck, 'FlashFire!'. I made a mental note to visit a card shop again soon to reconstruct my old deck at the next opportunity...



Despite my skill and experience, the duel proved intense! They used many colorless Pokemon with high HP like Chansey and Snorlax and a massive torrent of energy removal cards which crippled my ability to attack! In the end, I wasn’t able to KO a single one of their Pokemon and the duel ended in total defeat!

My eyes widened. "GR2, that was incredible! I had no idea duelists on your island were this formidable!"

(188)



GR2 meticulously gathered their cards. "Most are not. I am a special case... So, are you ready to accompany me, champion?"



I scratched the back of my head. "Well, it's a bit late. Perhaps tomorrow after I visit the card shop."



GR2 tilted their head. "Oh, you don't have to worry about cards! We have plenty! We even have a bed! I've arrived on a GR blimp. If you act now, you won't even have to pay airfare!"



I put a hand to my chin in thought. "That's very kind, but I enjoy my own bed and I'm not hurting for money at the moment. Besides, I will need to deal with this window being broken!"



GR2 went very still. Their voice low. "So you don't plan on coming with me tonight?"



I chuckled. "Patience, my dear fellow! I will likely be ready in a few days."



GR2 looked down. "Oh... I don't think I'm allowed to wait that long. I'll be in bit trouble if I wait! Why, the King might even hang me!"

A predicament, for sure, but not one of my making. I'd just have to explain it to the king myself.



I held my hands out. "Not to worry! I'll use my status as champion to negotiate on your behalf. Surely he would not hang you!"



GR2 paused. "You misunderstand..."

I tilted my head.

"This would have been easy if you just agreed. Now things will be messy..."



I furrowed my brow. "What are you talking about?"

(189)



GR2 rose from their chair and pulled a large hollow cylindrical object off of their back before pointing it in my direction. "Capture and abduction it is, then."

Before I had any time to process what was going on, Tango leapt across the room crashing right on top of the duel table between GR2 and I!

Could it be the bird was going to protect me?



My foe staggered back, holding the cylinder up as a shield by pure instinct as they trembled.

Tango then stood there... Blinking, staring vacantly. Exhibiting no aggression!



Seizing the opportunity, my assailant whipped the cylinder around at Tango followed by the sound of some object being launched from it! The projectile impacted Tango and twisted about him.

A net!

Tango made a pitiful excuse for a screech before he flopped over kicking about haphazardly much like when he had been stuck in my car...

Suddenly, the metal tips of the net hummed and glowed! They launched towards the window by some unseen force, pulling the rest of the net and Tango along with them! Once out the window, the net flew directly up into the sky! As the fat bird ascended, his movement and expression was that of pure joy...



GR2 tossed the first net-launcher aside as they grabbed the second one from their back! "Got to love these anti-gravity remote controlled capture nets..."



In a panic, I turned to run but barely made it a few steps before I found myself also bound and suffering the same fate as the bird!

The speed at which it hurled me induced nausea... It was like 'The Diglett' all over again!



Within seconds I was aboard the blimp and promptly gagged as I fell asleep by means I could not recall.

---

Spoiler: Author's Note: Team GR

In the sequel to the original game, Team GR (aka Great Rocket) invades TCG Island and steals almost all their Pokemon cards using a blimp that sucks the cards up into a weird light which I interpreted as anti-gravity technology. The invading GR members wore masks representing different energy types. The first part of the game involves the player traveling to the different clubs to free them from Team GR by winning duels against them which have them pieces of a GR coin to assemble. Once complete, it allows them to use the newly added airport on TCG Island to travel to GR Island. The player would then need to defeat all of the members of Team GR at each fortress in order to proceed to GR castle where the final duels of the story of the game take place. Team GR has several duelists that require you to use specific cards in your deck or to avoid using certain cards which forces the player to craft multiple decks to proceed through the story.

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S for beta reading!

Chapter 35: Gravity
​

(190)

June 5th

I felt a gentle nudge and opened my eyes. I was laying on a bed and could feel handcuffs holding both of my arms in place. The pillow was softer than expected.



"Hey, wake up, Mister Gentleman!"

I felt so groggy... Those villains were the cause... Ignoring the GR operative who nudged me, I glanced about the room, hoping for some way out.

The room was a large steel box. No windows. Just my bed, another bed on the far wall, a metal table in the middle of the room, and two rusty chairs by the table. The far wall also had a door. Clearly, this was a prison cell.

With no useful information and no way of moving, I was completely at the mercy of my kidnappers...



Despite these terrors I could barely keep my eyes open. Blasted drugs... "What's going on? Where am I?"



The figure held their fists balled at the middle of their chest. "Oh... You must have so many questions! I'm GR4. I'm here to help you!"



The nerve. My anger helped to rouse me as I scoffed. "You guys kidnapped me. I don't believe a word you're saying..."



GR4 Looked down and away as they hugged themself. "I understand... I'm sorry this happened. I think just about anyone would feel that way after what you went through..."



I then felt awake enough to feel angry. "If you are so sorry, how about letting me and my Doduo go? Speaking of which, where is he? Where is Tango!"



GR4 looked down. "Tango is sleeping in a cage in a different room. I feel horrible that we got sent on a mission like this, but I am here for something important. It's the reason I became a GR."



I was unable to put my hand to my chin, due to the handcuffs, so I raised my eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Are you mocking me?"



GR4 put both their hands up while shaking their head. "No! I promise I'm not! What can I do to convince you?"



I set my jaw. "For starters, how about you take off that mask?"



GR4 went still for a moment. "While on missions, all GR operatives are anonymous. It's the reason we don't use surveillance cameras. That way we can't be held accountable for what happens and it helps us make choices more objectively. We don't even know who the others with us are... If I show you, will you promise not to tell the others?"



I crossed my arms. "You have my word as a gentleman."

(191)

GR4 nodded, turned around, and removed their mask. They pulled down their hood revealing a head of pretty, medium-length blond hair before turning back around.



"There. Happy now?"



My jaw dropped. "MEW!?"

Her eyes widened as she scrambled to pull her hood back up and don her mask again.



She stamped her foot. "What is wrong with you!? Are you trying to get me seen!? If another GR heard that noise and walked through the door, my identity would be completely exposed!"



I blinked. "What? Why would that matter, you could just erase their memories."



She looked at me with a slight tilt of the head. "...What have I gotten myself into? I can't believe we kidnapped someone suffering from mental delusions!"



I stared blankly at her. "Mental delusions? What are you talking about, Mew?"

She then stared at me as I stared at her.



After a solid awkward minute, she turned around and started walking away. "Yeah... I think I'm just going to go get a snack..."



I started feeling panic. "Wait what!? You're just going to leave me here!?"



She stopped, turned around, and hung her head. "You're right... I shouldn't do that. Here you are kidnapped, terrified, and not even of sound mind to begin with... Just trust me that what you are saying is crazy, ok?"



I blinked. "Wait... so you're not Mew?"



She put a hand her her face as she looked down shaking it. "Do I honestly look like Mew to you? I thought you were the TCG Island Champion! How does someone so deranged even get that title?"



I balled my fists. "Hey! I am NOT crazy!"



GR4 touched her two index fingertips together. "Uh... you do know that's the first thing a crazy person would say, right?"



I blinked. "Well... It's the truth! But if you're not Mew... Who are you?"



GR4 went still a moment. "...Victoria."

(192)



My eyes widened. "Oh... Oh my... No wonder you think I'm insane!"

Victoria tilted her head.



I nodded. "The truth is, I've met the legendary Pokemon, Mew. And recently too! They could transform themself into humans! The form they used most was yours."



Victoria appeared to be looking towards the floor. "Wow... You are either totally out of your mind, or you are telling the truth! I don't think you would be Champion if you were so far gone. I believe you."



I smiled as I felt a bit embarrassed. "Great! So now that we have established that I am not completely insane, and you are willing to help, perhaps you might take these handcuffs off?"



Victoria brought both hands to her mask. "Oh my goodness! You're right!" She then bowed stiffly. "Hold on, I'll get you out of those right away!"

---

It felt better with my arms were free even though my wrists were sore...



Victoria held her fists near her chest as she swayed back and forth from one leg to the other. "I'm so sorry I took so long! Do you forgive me?"

Despite the situation, I felt I could trust her. Besides, it wasn't like I had any better ideas...



I nodded. "I believe you."

If it turned out she was tricking me, I'd just live with it.



Victoria did a little hop. "Oh! Thank you so much! I'm glad I let you use my pillow."



My eyes widened. "You let me use your pillow?"



Victoria held her face in her hands as she nodded. "Yep! The prisoner pillows here are so flat and they have these annoying Doduo feathers in them that constantly poke you while you sleep... You had been through so much that I wanted to help!"

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting any feelings of endearment in such a place!



My gaze softened. "I appreciate that, but can you really afford to chat right now? Aren't you worried about the other GRs catching me awake and unrestrained?



Victoria shook her head. "GR2 will be too busy with their morning meditation in the command room with autopilot engaged. GR1 and GR3 are still sleeping, but when they wake up, I'm sure they will chat in the break room until breakfast like usual. I'm on prisoner watch, so unless we make too much noise, we shouldn't be interrupted. Besides, I have it on good authority from a powerful psychic that we will have enough time and not get caught if we are quiet."



I nodded as I brought a hand to my chin. "In that case, how long have I been out? Where are we and what is going on?"



Victoria held up a finger. "You've been asleep for about five hours. You're on the GR Blimp, the Baleful Beedrill. We are currently en route to GR Island and are a few hours away."



I crossed my arms. "I see, but why are you so willing to help me?"



Victoria went still with her fists balled at her sides. "It's true that I'm here to help, but I need your help with something in return. Doing so will give you a chance to escape. But Before I get into that, I have a separate favor to ask."

She already removed my handcuffs, revealed her face, and offered me a potential way to escape. Not to mention the pillow. I could at least hear her out.



I tilted my head. "Oh? And what might that be?"

(193)



Victoria sat on the edge of the bed with her hands on her knees. "I have a special psychic power... It lets me know the feelings of anyone I focus on. I can easily tell when people lie. Everything about you is so pure, more than anyone I've ever met! I live by myself as an orphan and I miss my dad... Mister Gentleman, would you... Be willing to hug me?" She looked down and fidgeted with her hands.



I put a hand to my chin. "I'm kidnapped and stranded. I should say that I don't have time for such nonsense... But I don't think I could ignore such a request, even in a situation like this. And I know all too well what it's like to be alone. If it really means that much to you, I'll do it."



Victoria grabbed my hand in both of hers. "Oh, thank you, Mister Gentleman! Thank you so much!" She lightly tackled me in a hug.

I reciprocated as I considered just how lonely Victoria must have really been. Poor girl without parents having to raise herself on such a backwards island...



Victoria spoke with a muffled voice with her face buried in my chest and arms. "Mister Gentleman... could you run your hands through my hair and tell me I'm a good girl?"



I started feeling on edge. "Victoria... Don't you think that's a BIT much?"



I could feel Victoria clutch my shirt harder. "Oh no! I've made you feel uncomfortable! I'm sorry! Please don't be upset!"



I sighed. "This emotion reading of yours must make it difficult to find people for you to be close to... I suppose it works both ways though. You can tell my negative feeling was temporary and is now gone, right?"

Victoria nodded as she snuggled my chest.



I nodded. "Very well. It seems this really means a lot to you. I'm not be your father, but I'll try to give you some of the affection you have missed."

Victoria removed her mask and hood.

I then gently ran my hands through her hair and spoke in a low and soft voice. "There there... You're a good girl, Victoria."

She then started wailing right into my chest!



I knew it! I was no good at being a father! How could I be with zero parenting experience? I must have rui-

Victoria sobbed as she spoke. "N-NO! Why are you f-feeling that way! You've d-done great!"



I blinked. "But you're crying! You're saying I didn't ruin it?"

Victoria shook her head as she gripped me a little tighter. "I'm feeling so many things right now... My own father wasn't as gentle with his hands as you are with yours..."



"O-oh... do I need to be a little less gentle?"

Victoria relaxed her grip some. "No... Your feelings are sweet like my dad was, but I'm not looking for a copy of him. Being yourself is preferred. I'm just happy and sad. Your hands feel nicer than his were... I feel guilty about it..."

I then felt a deep empathy for her as I resumed gently running my hands through her hair. "Well... I hope this helps you. I don't enjoy seeing others in pain, feelings and otherwise."

I could hear Victoria sobbing a bit again. "N-no one but my dad has ever felt the way you did about me just now. Thank you so much. SO MUCH!" She buried her face in to my chest deeper as she cried some more.

---

We stayed like that for another ten minutes before Victoria broke it off. She pulled her hood back up and dawned her mask once again.

(194)



She stood and stiffly bowed. "Thank you! A great many people tend to have dark desires or intent towards me! But you? Only care and warmth... I'll do anything for you!"

I was not at all used to this kind of praise... I'd just considered myself as 'ok', no one really that special...



I looked down and away. "That's got to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me... You are most welcome, Victoria."



Victoria smoothed out her suit and sat back down on the bed. "As promised, I'll answer any questions and do all I can for you!"



I nodded. "Right. I need to know what's going on, but I don't trust anything GR2 told me. Why was I kidnapped?"



Victoria crossed her arms. "I'm not sure of everything, but I'll tell you what I do know. Our king, the champion of GR Island, heard of your prowess at the Pokemon TCG. He is obsessed with finding strong opponents. Our island already has stronger duelists than TCG Island, so no one expected someone like you to come from there."



I sighed. "Yes, I can't say I blame them for having that view... our citizens are somewhat lacking in dueling skills... So I assume he wants me to play the TCG, but how does he plan to get me to cooperate?"



Victoria lowered her head in shame. "By barring you from leaving the island or eating until you win duels against all fortress members and leaders. Fortresses are like the clubs from your island."



I put my hands on my head. "No food!?"



Victoria held her fists to her chest. "They are going to take your wallet too, but I'll use my access to our pantry to get food and drink for you! You won't be able to take it with you since they will search you before the drop-off point, though... I wish I could do more than that... No one as nice as you deserves this."



I could feel myself blushing. "Aw... thanks, Victoria. I assume the king will want to meet me if I can make it to him. Where would that be?"



Victoria sat up alert. "There are three locations different from the regular fortresses. GR Castle is where our king and his executives await and serves as the final destination. There is also the Colorless Altar, which is run by a council of three priests. Finally, there is the Psychic Stronghold which I am a member of. Our leader, Claire, can see the future with more clarity than most psychics."



My eyes widened as I snapped my fingers. "That's it! That's what her name was! Claire was the psychic leader on TCG Island many years ago... Murray's mentor! So, I take it Claire is the one who ordered you here for your mission?"



Victoria nodded. "Correct. She knows the identity of all GRs. Collectively, they are a coordinated strike force for the king, used primarily for espionage. My secret mission from Claire is to gather intelligence on GR2. I need to take photo copies of their 'Mission Report'. It follows a completely separate agenda than our kidnapping run. According to Claire, GR2 keeps it in their pocket but is normally too observant to steal or return items from without tipping them off..."



I crossed my arms. "So let me guess... you need a distraction so you can pickpocket GR2, take photos, and then return the report to their pocket."



Victoria held her arms out. "Wow! You must have some amazing deductions skills! That's right. I'll need you to distract GR2. When they are distracted, I can use my second psychic ability to dull others awareness of me which allows me to be sneaky! I almost never use it because I hate being mean to people..."



I raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like a lot of trouble for some information. Why don't we just skip that part?"



Victoria gripped her choker with both hands. "Oh no! Please don't do that! I don't want to be fired from my job at the Psychic Stronghold! If I do, I don't know how I'll afford to live!"

Victoria had me there... I couldn't stomach putting such a sweet girl like her on the streets. Getting the report would make this more difficult, but I had to admit she was growing on me...



Victoria dashed in for another hug. "Oh, thank you!"



I held her as I looked away blushing. "You really shouldn't be reading my emotions so much..."



Victoria let go and hung her head. "I-I'm sorry! I'm so accustomed to using it all the time! I keep my power a secret so I'm not used to the idea it might offend people..."



I sighed. "Oh... fine. Don't worry about me. Read me at your leisure. It's not like I'm trying to hide things from you anyway... But why does Claire care so much about the report?"



Victoria shook her head. "I'm not sure, but I felt she was very worried about it, and it's rare for her to worry about anything!"



I crossed my arms. "Alright. What's the plan?"

(195)



Victoria confidently crossed her arms. "We will have a series of duels! First you will duel me to get me 'on your side'. If you lose, you can duel me over again, I don't mind. Once that is done, I'm going to sneak some food out of the pantry for you to eat."



My stomach gurgled. "Much appreciated..."



Victoria giggled. "After that, we will proceed into the other rooms for us to duel GR3 and GR1. We can challenge them with the same kind of challenge as me. Hopefully we will both win and get them on our side! If one of us loses, the other can step in to try to win instead."



My eyes widened. "Impressive! So, after that, we will all go in and try to win against GR2?"



Victoria nodded. "Yes, but Claire told me we will almost certainly lose. If that happens, the mission will resume. You will be deposited at the drop-off point with your Doduo, no food, no wallet, and only your common card deck. You will have your phone, but cross-island communication and internet will be disabled during your 'challenge'."



I crossed my arms. "Well, even if I don't win, I won't be going down without a fight! But my wallet... please no... I don't want to have to replace all the things in it! That would be torture!"



Victoria stood up straight. "About your wallet, I can be the one who holds onto it. That way, I can return it to you once you reach the Psychic Stronghold! I'll have to hold the money in it until you complete the challenge, though. But yes, try to win. It should help distract GR2."



I nodded. "Sounds like we have a plan, then."

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S for beta reading!

Chapter 36: Mutiny​

(196)

June 5th

Victoria and I were ready for our duel. The metal chair was better than the floor, at least. The floor in this place would make for painful play indeed. Probably why they included a table...

Things started off a little risky, with only two Voltorb for me. Victoria lead with Jynx with 70 HP. It would be a struggle to cut through. She had another on the bench too. I had to play careful with Voltorb only having 30 HP. I went first, attached energy, and failed to paralyze it.

Victoria attached energy, and attacked for 10 damage. One more energy on her Jynx and my Voltorb would go down.

I used Gust of Wind to bring out her other Jynx. I then attached energy to my other Voltorb to keep my options open and I failed to paralyze once again with my attack. Bill's Teleporter failed twice in a row between this turn and the last...

On her next turn, Victoria attached energy to her current Jynx and attacked again for 10.

Finally I got a teleporter to work. I played Porygon, attached energy, swapped for it, and converted weakness to lightning.

She then attached an energy to her benched Polywag and attacked Porygon with Jynx.



Not retreating to remove the weakness conversion? It seemed opponents on GR Island had better decks, but fell victim to the same odd tactics that worked so well on my own island!

I then swapped to Voltorb, attached another energy and KOed her Jynx, prompting to bring another out.

My next turn saw a Gambler work properly. At that point, I had all the tools I needed. Victoria and I traded blows KOing each others Pokemon until I took down her last one!



Victoria held up peace signs with both hands as she laughed. "Ohhh yeah, I lost! Nice job, Mister Gentleman!"



I'd never seen someone so happy to lose a game. Adorable. I viewed her like I might a daughter.



She then hugged my side snuggling my arm. "Aww! You always have such sweet feelings towards me! I'm going to get you some food now! Once you eat, we can get on with our mission~!"

---

Victoria soon returned with a several large chocolate-covered pretzels and a huge glass of chocolate milk! I wasted no time scarfing them down. According to her, GR Island specialized in pretzels as their national snack! They were certainly the best I'd ever had...

She helped me sneak to the GR rest room. The left side of the call contained a window than ran along the entire outside edge above a metal wall. From the blimps present height, the clouds spread out below like a gigantic white fluffy blanket. As the sun crested the horizon, colors stained the once white clouds below.

Victoria and I stood for a moment, taking in the sight.



She placed a hand on the glass. "So pretty. This is one of the few things I enjoy about being a GR. I'm glad to have someone else to experience it with. The others never showed any interest."



I continued to gaze out. "Who knows, maybe you and I will go flying again someday. I have a drone big enough to seat two. You would be welcome to join me."



Victoria leaned against my arm. "That would be nice. I know you will make it off our island. I believe it in my heart. Come see me again after?"



I closed my eyes and nodded. "Sure. I'd like the chance to visit on leisure anyway."

(197)



She turned to look presumably at my face and crossed her arms. "Alright, from here on out, you and I aren't close. The story is the drug wore off and you challenged me to a duel. I accepted, hoping a win would make me famous since you would have to tell all opponents that I beat you. If you won, I would have to help you take control of the blimp to fly back home. If we win against GR2, that's what we will do."



I nodded. "Do you know what decks GR1 and GR3 use?"



Victoria crossed her arms. "I know some, but not all. GR1 uses a water and lightning deck. GR3 uses a fire and grass deck. GR1 has a typing advantage against both of us, but most of their water types are weak to grass. I think you would fair better against GR3, so I'll try to beat GR1."



I smiled. "Very well. Hopefully there will be no need for me to intervene with GR1, but I'm feeling pretty good about my chances."



Victoria held her fists to her chest as she swayed back and forth. "Oh! Mister Gentleman... You are so cool! I think this will be fun~!"



I stretched my neck, arms, and legs. "Too bad this wasn't a leisure trip. Having an ally is a novel experience for me! So, where are GR1 and GR3 located? Also, where is the break room Tango is at?"



Victoria pointed. "The room directly ahead is the kitchen. Beyond that is the break room that doubles as the barracks. GR1, GR3, and Tango are all in there. Has duel tables in it too. Tango is drugged and caged, but if we take control of the blimp, we can release him. The command room where GR2 waits is beyond the break room."



She balled two fists holding them at the sides of her chest. "You ready, partner?"



I smiled. "Let's go get em!"

Victoria and I made our way through the kitchen and through a pair of double doors on the other side into the break room.

(198)

This room was similar to the one I woke up in, but with more amenities and was larger. Another window stretched out along the length of the room on the left side. The middle had a larger table for four and bunk beds lined the right wall. The door to the command room was on the far side. Tango was sleeping and caged in the corner.





GR1 took immediate notice sitting across from GR3. "HEY! Just what is going ON here, GR4!?"

GR3 turned around to see us.

I decided to wait patently while they hashed it out.



Victoria put a hand at the back of her head. "Well... you see... I misplaced the drug to keep him knocked out and he woke up sooner than anticipated..."



GR1 crossed their arms. "So!? How does that explain him being here!?"



Victoria held her hands near each other as she rapidly tapped her fingers together. "Yes, well... He challenged me to a duel and I was curious! If I won he would tell everyone he dueled how he lost to me..."



GR1 held a hand to their face. "Great! So you lost and now it's OUR problem! Why do you always have to be so dumb, GR4!?"



GR3 chimed in. "Yeah! It's too early in the morning to be dealing with this malarkey! I haven't even had my coffee yet... You're getting toilet duty for the entire next mission, GR4!"



Victoria shrugged, laughing nervously as she held her hands out. "Oops! Well, at least we get to play some card games now..."

Both GR1 and GR3 held a hand to their faces as they shook their heads.



I pointed to GR3. It was easy to tell which one they were due to the big '3' on their choker. "You there! I challenge you to a duel! If you win, I'll go back quietly. If I win, you will accompany me and help me take control of this blimp!"



Victoria pointed to GR1. "I guess it's you and me then, GR1. If Mister Gentleman's side wins more than yours we are all going to have to help him. Sorry..."



GR1 shook their head. "This sucks."



GR3 sighed. "Great, I get stuck with the strong one..."

---

(199)

Against GR3 I started with Porygon and Voltorb.

GR3 started with Moltres and attached energy.

Early on, 'Gambler' worked, letting me set up two more Voltorb. Porygon could do nothing to Moltres, so I spent three turns using Thundershock then Group Spark attack twice to bring it down. Exeggcute and Charmander remained. I kept GR3 locked down with energy removal as I swept through their entire team with Voltorb, claiming the win.



GR3 slammed a fist on the table. "Fiddlesticks! It's all you now, GR1..."



GR1 stared at Victoria. "This is all your fault, GR4... Making me have to beat EVERYONE! This mission was supposed to be easy! But NOOO, you just HAD to duel him..."

---

GR1 threw their arms up in the air. "YES! How'd you like THAT!?"



Victoria was still. "Yeah... that type advantage..."



GR3 sighed. "Good thing you beat me too, GR1. Having to swap sides when losing is annoying. Now just beat Mister Gentleman and we can all pretend this giant blunder never happened... But GR4 is still going on toilet duty."



I smiled with no sign of discomfort. "You don't scare me, GR1. Your deck doesn't stand a chance."



GR1 crossed their arms. "Ugh... You're just as smug as GR2. I HATE dueling GR2... I might not be that strong, but I'll be good enough to take you down!"

---

(200)

My opening hand had only one Voltorb. Risky... But my opening hand... It was complete and total garbage! Only fire energy and no other basic Pokemon... My only hope was to get lucky with 'Gambler'!

I won the opening flip to go first and clenched my teeth as I flipped another for 'Gambler'.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Heads. Today would be the day they almost beat Mister Gentleman! With a new hand, I now had plenty of options.

My opponent had a Pikachu and a Magnemite, but with Magnemite having 40 HP, it was best to get my first attack off on it, so I played Gust of Wind to drag it out.

I attached energy to Voltorb and attacked.



GR1 scratched their head. "Wait... you played NO cards and played a gambler as your FIRST CARD!?"



I smiled. "Yes, my opening hand could have beaten you, but I wanted to do more than simply win. Now things will be fun."

Little did GR1 know that I was only a hair away from losing!



GR1 shook their head. "It's GR2 all over again..."

They attacked for 10 after attaching energy.

My turn, I attached another energy and finished it off for 30 damage with Group Spark.

They then brought out another Magnemite, attached Water Energy and passed.

Next, I played another Voltorb and attacked for 40 damage KOing their Magnemite.

GR1 then brought out Polywag, attached energy, and paralyzed Voltorb with bubble, doing another 10 damage in the process. 10 HP remaining.

I played 'Switch' to break out of the paralysis and swap to my other Voltorb. I attached energy and paralyzed, doing 10 damage in the process.

They then evolved it to Polywhirl to break out of paralysis, but didn't have enough energy to attack and passed.

I attached another energy and dealt 40 damage with Group Spark leaving it at 20 HP.

GR1 attached energy and used Twiddle attack to put Voltorb to sleep.

As it passed to my turn, it did not recover from it. I had no switch, so I attached energy to Ponyta on my bench, evolved it to Dark Rapidash, and passed.

Voltorb woke up. GR1 used Super Potion to heal, but caused it to lack enough energy to attack. They played a Professor Oak and benched another mon before passing.

GR1 was putting up a decent fight! I used Group Spark for 40 damage again.

I then brought Dark Rapidash in to finish off Polywhirl with Flame Pillar attack and opted to discard an energy to put Seel on their bench in KO range of Voltorb.

GR1 then brought out Seel, attached another energy and plowed into Dark Rapidash for 20 damage boosted to 40 from weakness and inflicted paralysis!

I used Energy Removal to take an energy off their Pikachu and passed my turn, leaving Dark Rapidash to it's fate which GR1 obliged on their turn.

Next I brought out Voltorb and finished off Seel.

GR1 brought out their own Voltorb and used Speed Ball attack for 20 damage leaving my Voltorb at 10 HP. Both Voltorbs in rough shape!

I played a Porygon, attached energy to it, and used my Voltorb to KO their Voltorb!

GR1 then brought out Pikachu which they had already attached another energy for and went invulnerable for a round with Agility, finishing off my first Voltorb in the process!

I brought Porygon out to tank for a round and GR1 failed the coin-flip to continue invulnerability with Agility.

Since they were down to their last mon, I swapped to Voltorb and Group Sparked for 30 damage to take his Pikachu down in one shot, claiming the last prize for victory!

(201)



I smiled. "Nice try."



GR1 slammed both fists on the table. "I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, GR4! LOOK AT THIS MESS! Now I'm going to have to hear yet ANOTHER lecture from GR2... I hate my life..."



GR3 chuckled and nudged GR1. "Hey, but what if we manage to win? Don't you want to wipe that smug look off GR2s mask?"



GR1 went still. "You're RIGHT! I DO want to see GR2 lose! I don't even care if we fail the mission... I would pay TOP dollar to see something like that! And this guy here? He just might pull it off! GR4... If this works, I'll take the toilet duty from you."



Victoria giggled. "Yeah! Let's all try our best to beat that smug boss of ours!"



I nodded. "Very well, my minions! Let's go see if we can teach GR2 a lesson!"

All the GRs raised their fists at the same time and collectively spoke. "Yeah!!"

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S for beta reading!

Chapter 37: Mission Impossible​

(202)

June 5th

The room beyond had double doors. I entered the room with my minions in tow.

As for the room itself, the far wall was glass that stretched from floor to ceiling. Metal bars separated different sections of the glass.

The floors in here felt solid a thick red carpet stretched throughout. The ceiling was long wooden planks and looked about twelve feet high. A crystal chandelier hung above a large duel table. The table was lined with blue felt and was ringed by tall-back leather seats.

Clearly, GR Island did know how to design a proper room after all! And the fact that they had doors was also a good sign...

Along the window at the back were a few different stations with swivel chairs. The middle had several screens around it. The captains chair, I assumed.

The chair turned to reveal GR2. They had one leg on top of the other and rested their right arm on the armrest. Their chin sat on their closed fist hand.

(203)



GR2 chuckled in the creepy distorted way all GRs sounded. "Oh my! It would seem the captive escaped and has gathered an entourage!"



I grinned. "You got the drop on me last game since I didn't know what to expect, but now I'm ready! Think you can beat all of us with no losses?"



GR2 stood in the confident pose I saw back at my house. "The real question is why you thought YOU would stand a chance with such tiny numbers!"



I smiled. "Your confidence will be your undoing."



GR2 laughed. "Your faith in your 'friends' will be yours. They won't even hold me back for long... But tell me, challenger, what are your terms?"



I crossed my arms. "If a single one of us beats you, you will be under my command. You will turn this blimp around and take me home. You will never bother me again. If you win, you may proceed with your original plan."



GR2 giggled. It was way creepier than anything I'd heard from them thus far. "The audacity of this is just too amusing. The rest of you will suffer no penalties. I can't imagine anything more fun than what this is about to be..."



Victoria stepped forward. "I'll be the first to challenge GR2!"

I motioned for her to go forward. Once Victoria lost, she would be less noticeable and could use her power to get the mission report from GR2...

---

(204)

Victoria didn't last long against GR2. I think her plan was to get them overconfident. GR2 had a Chansey on turn two with two Double Colorless Energy attached. They plowed right through the Jynx that Victoria had set up and she lost due to no benched mon.



GR2 rubbed their hands together. "Poor GR4! Easily the weakest among us! But we can't all be as strong as me... Someone has to take care of the chores and cooking around here!" GR2 laughed.



Victoria lowered her head and stepped away quietly.

I couldn't tell if she was acting or if she really felt bad. With attention way from her, I could already see her inching to the far end of the room...



But for GR2 to treat her that way... It angered me.



GR2 turned to GR3. "It's your turn next. I'm going from weakest to strongest."



GR3 hung their head. "Being forced to duel you isn't much fun, GR2... But let's see how it goes. Maybe there is still a thing or two I can teach you!"



GR2 placed both hands on the duel table and leaned forward. "That's the spirit! Give me everything you have. But it won't be nearly enough..."

Victoria was nearly at GR2's back.

---

GR3 lasted an almost respectable seven turns, but was also ripped to shreds by Chansey and then Snorlax.



GR3 got up holding their back as they shuffled away. "Ah... I got too excited... this darn back..."



GR2 leaned back in their chair. "Don't worry, GR3, no one blames you for being crippled or even for your poor skill at the TCG. Having an electrician who doubles as an IT specialist is always helpful."

GR3 left the room.

Victoria now had the report, taking pictures carefully with her camera.



GR1 stepped forward and took their seat. "Well, boss, I don't have much choice in dueling you. But I know you like a challenge, so I'll try my best!"

Clearly, GR1 sang a different tune when they were around GR2... Spineless.



GR2 nodded. "I'd be insulted by anything less."

---

GR3 was defeated, but managed to KO two mon in the process. The whole thing took ten turns.

GR2 clapped. "Bravo, GR1! This is why I let you take care of weakling duelists for me!"



GR1 bowed. "You are too kind, sir! Magnificent as always!"

So much for their determination to get back at GR2...

GR1 got up and stood to the side, eager to watch the game I was about to play.

Victoria was done, but still needed to return it. I think she was waiting for me to provide the biggest distraction. I wasn't about to let her down! I didn't know if I would win, but surely I could at least give her the opening needed!



I brandished my deck and pointed it at GR2. "You've done nothing special. I did the same thing! Now it's time for the REAL duel!"



GR2 leaned back moving their fingers rhythmically over the ends of the armrests. "Perhaps you would be a force to be reckoned with if you had your unrestricted deck... That's precisely why I barred you from it. There's nothing to save you here, Champion! It's back to the cell with you!"



My eyes narrowed. "You'll have to beat me again, first."

---

(205)

The duel to earn my freedom commenced!

All I had to start with was a Porygon. GR2 went first attaching energy to Kangaskhan and drawing a card with fetch. They already had four mon on their bench. All of them over 80 HP.

Bill's Teleporter failed! NO!!



I used Pokemon Trader to get a Voltorb and played it. I then attached Fire Energy to Porygon and converted weakness to lightning.

GR2 played their own Bill's Teleporter and won the flip followed by an energy removal! This was already looking bad!

I played my own energy removal on his Lickitung and attached energy to Voltorb.

Gambler failed too. At that rate I reasoned I might not last! My opponent kept drawing cards while all my attempts to do so failed!



I then swapped for Voltorb and attacked with Thundershock. Maybe I could keep them from drawing cards... I failed to paralyze... all coin flips had forsaken me thus far!

What about Victoria? I could see she was carefully working on returning the Mission Report, but she had to move very slowly to prevent attention. She needed more time!



Another energy removal and they played another energy to their Lickitung... Another fetch... GR2s card draw was flying past mine!

Out of energy... out of cards... I had no choice but to pass.

And he won the flip on yet ANOTHER Bill's Teleporter! Forget GR2... My true foe was whatever or whoever was responsible for all these coin-flips!

FINALLY! A Bill! I played it hoping for some semblance of ability to DO something this game! ...Just a Porygon and a Doduo... I had a sinking feeling there would be no way to win this game... I could feel it.

I was going to GR Island whether I wanted it or not... But I'd struggle to the end! For Victoria!



I retreated for Doduo just as GR2 finished loading Kangaskhan up for a comet punch... four coin-flips with each heads doing 20 damage! With how things were going, it was going to be 80 damage every time! And yet, GR2 got a taste of the bitter medicine I had been drinking ALL GAME! Four tails. Too bad it wasn't nearly enough to fix things!

Still no energy... All I could do was watch in horror as GR2 continued to build their field and attack me every turn!



GR2 held their hands out and wiggled their fingers. "How delightful! I get to watch you squirm as your house burns down around you! I shall savor it."

(206)

The second comet punch dealt 60 damage, instantly KOing my Doduo. I wasn't sure where Tango was on this blimp, but it's too bad, he probably would have loved a hit like that...

I heard a distant thud...

Just how far WAS the range on Tango for taking opponent card attacks?!

Finally an energy... I played another Doduo, attached the energy and attacked hoping to do SOMETHING... 10 damage.

Victoria had slipped most of the report back, but still needed more time. It's a good thing GR2 liked to play with their food...

And of course, they used another Energy Removal on me. If only my card draw hadn't failed so miserably... I'd have had a fighting chance!

Another comet punch for 60. Bye-bye Doduo...

I could make out some faint gleeful squawking from the other room. The sheer absurdity of it made me smile as I struggled to keep myself from laughing.

My amusement quickly faded as my attention returned to the game. I drew a Lightning Energy... Maybe my foe would run out of Energy Removal? Maybe I could paralyze! I attacked and it succeeded!

But it was too early to celebrate. Yet another Energy Removal stripped me of my ability to attack.

I sent out a Ponyta hoping to buy more than one turn.

60 damage again crushed my Ponyta. What glimmer of hope there was for winning this duel was now gone. My foe had the following: Kangaskhan with four energy with 40/90HP, A Lickitung with two energy and 90/90HP, A Chansey with four energy and 120/120HP, and another Lickitung with two energy and 90/90HP.

Meanwhile I had no energy on any mon. I had a Porygon and two Voltorb. My opponent had eight cards while I only had three.

But Victoria was so close! Just a little more!

I played another Ponyta hoping it to survive a turn so I could evolve it to buy more time.

Comet Punch completely missed that time!

I evolved Ponyta and attached energy to Voltorb. Time to get back in there and see if I could KO a mon!

Paralysis failed, but only 20 damage away from KO.

Comet Punch took down Voltorb for 40 damage. My foe now only had two prizes remaining...

Another Bill! I played it but drew a useless Switch and Porygon. No energy. No more card draw. It was now impossible to win, but Victoria was now extremely close to completing her mission!

I let Dark Rapidash tank for a turn, but my foe played Switch to bring out the instrument of my demise... Chansey! It crashed into my Dark Rapidash, KOing it instantly. The 80 damage recoil to Chansey didn't even matter at this point...

Only one chance remained... I attached energy to Voltorb and performed a last ditch attack. A failure, no paralysis. It was now about to be over, but I could see Victoria was done! She was now carefully backing away to avoid suspicion.

I closed my eyes as I waited for the end. It was swiftly granted as Chansey took itself down to KO my final mon, allowing GR2 to claim the final prize.

(207)



I opened my eyes and smiled. "This won't be the end of me, and unbeknownst to you, I've accomplished my goals. Have fun not being able to figure out what they were."

GR2 said nothing, lifted their hand, and a needle shot out a slot on the glove of their suit, hitting me square in the chest.

Ah... must have been... a tranquil...iz...er...

 

[Tango]

Special thanks to K_S for beta reading!

Chapter 38: Mission Report​

(208)

My mission was a success, but Mister Gentleman was unable to escape... I'll at least hold his wallet for him. First, I needed to report to Claire.

---

Claire stood resolute at the news. Both hands upon the top of her cane. "An apt statement. Winning against GR2 was not in the cards..."



I sighed and frowned. "What do we do now?"



Claire pulled up the photos of the report on the big screen. Her face illuminated by the dim light of the monitor. "That depends on the contents. Have you read it yet?"



I stood beside her reading over her shoulder. "Yeah, but I don't understand it!"

Claire carefully perused while I tried to follow along.

---

(209)

Mission Report

May 7th
The latest report from TCG Island revealed new information regarding their Champion. Duelists from there are so weak that even their Champions seldom matter, but this one is different. He is defeating the club members with an all-common deck. An unprecedented feat... But, more importantly, this duelist has no name! This MUST be investigated. Could it be the breakthrough we have long awaited? I rewarded Stephanie handsomely for such information.

May 13th
It seems fate has a sense of humor... Stephanie arranged a contract with the TCG Island Club Master, Isaac. He wants their Champion kidnapped! I'll schedule a trip to appraise and plan. I'll need to arrange a demonstration since Isaac had understandable concerns with job performance. After all, it's not the sort of thing one wants to almost work.

June 1st
I did it! I found what all who came before failed to find! To live in such an age and to have such an honor... This changes everything! Our plans must now decelerate until the proper moment. His instructions were very clear that this should take precedence. Indeed, it is the only thing that does! I do not understand the significance, but comprehension is no prerequisite for obedience. I shall report back to that imbecile who thinks he controls me. He is nothing compared to the one I truly serve...

June 2nd
Response came faster than anticipated. It appears the witch is being useful for a change! I shall make the necessary preparations.

June 3rd
The stage is set. Not that there was much to do. GR blimps are well stocked for any task and my squad is always ready. I will wait until night to strike. That way he won't have guests. I'll forgo the duel requirement lest it prompt him to refuse. His agreement is essential. From what I have heard, I am far from needing a duel requirement to defeat him and his confidence should be at an all-time high...

(Addendum)
My prayers to the supreme being were interrupted. I collected my fee for the disruption, but the cause was worthless. Isaac called off the contract, so I am keeping all the money as his punishment. I will cut the Champion off from his friends. I'll pay Stephanie to make it look like he is fumigating his home and erect a temporary cover for the window. I wouldn't want anyone getting curious...

June 4th
The duel went flawlessly. What an idiot. Thinking he could beat me with commons...

In contrast, his Doduo displayed a possible aggression I was NOT prepared for! Hand to hand combat with a Doduo could prove deadly! I am too valuable to perish now, not when the time is so close at hand! Fortunately, it went down with one of the nets. Good thing I brought a back-up. I'll just unload the bird with 'Mister Gentleman' at the drop-off point.

June 5th
I read his Diary and understand his deck.

He is no match for me, but should put up quite a fight on our island. This bodes well for the second stage. Preparations for it are complete and the members of The Undersiders will unknowingly be my eyes and ears.

For the third stage, construction of the facility is not yet complete, but the hiring process is underway. Once built, we can no longer come and go as we please. Someone will be needed on the inside. One of the Neo Island natives should do. In fact, I already have a target in mind...

Her fiance will be abducted, deported, and cut off from all communication with her. It will look like he abandoned her. I'll let her struggle. If anyone gets close? Accidents happen... When her mind breaks, I'll step in to bathe her in support, sympathy, money, and gifts. I'll have her walk the same path as I and be initiated. She will be trained and prepared as an offering bride for our master. His rise to power will be glorious!

The forth stage of the plan will prove most difficult. I will first need to antagonize Mister Gentleman. The timing and set up for the final phase of stage four must fall within the parameters of the prophecy. If it works, centuries of labor will come to fruition!

With prophecy working for us, the Third Eye disbanded, and the Ghostmasters sealed, the time is ripe!

We are now over half way to the drop-off point. I'll return the diary to him shortly before we unload and make sure he has his deck. He will need it. I'll also leave the 'note' with him. It should prove a most effective motivator...

Afterwards I'll report to the insufferable witch and begin stage three.

End Report

 

[bestgaragedoors]

Took me a while, but I'm back! And this chapter is so nice, getting to meet Gotan. It also probes at the mystery of Pokemon in this world, which is very tantalizing! A short one, but I have a feeling that this chapter will be quite important in setting up things later on. The Pokemon mystery potentially, Nikki's past, and not least of all, Gotan and whoever owned him!

As I stepped out of my front door, my eyes landed on a particularly rotund Doduo. Clearly, it was the one that followed me home the day before yesterday! It was asleep with both its heads!

Doudo were supposed to sleep with only one head at a time... Pah! No matter.

I don't know if you've played Pokemon Sleep (a mobile game), but it has some lore on Doduo sleep. I actually have a Doduo in that game

It simply continued to stare at me. Rightfully so.

👁️👁️
Why 'rightfully'? I didn't think it was a silly comment. Or is it 'rightfully' because it's like an animal and there's no reason for it to respond?

I spoke to it in the same manner I do when I am alone: without expectation of a reply.

:( Poor guy is lonely! Although I do like this detail that he talks to himself when alone.

Two more cylinder objects like the ones from the entrance loomed in the corner to my left.

"Cylindrical" would be better here.

Rick chuckled. "Oh trust me, I've dealt with enough Doduo to understand they PREFER it that way! They also tend to yield more feathers with such an approach. I don't pretend to understand it, but it is an observable law of Doduo."

This is very random, but male deer (bucks) get very itchy velvet on their antlers and they're seen violently rubbing their antlers on trees to try to remove it and relieve the itching. So reading this, I like to imagine that Doduo also needs relief from too many feathers, maybe likes pressure too.

"Mew of Neo island, Ho-oh of TCG Island, and Lugia of GR Island. I am not one to trust superstition though. If there are any Pokemon other than Doduo, we have yet to find any scientific evidence to support that hypothesis."

Very intrigued by this... I don't know if this will be a "meet/find the legends fic," but I would be very curious if this fic explored what happened with Pokemon in this world. Did they use to exist and have been lost? How did people come up with them in the cards?
Also useful to meet someone related to Nikki who knows her from a young age!

Free lawn care? Did my ears deceive me?!

I love this combination of image and text. Diabolical 😈

 

[Tango]

Took me a while, but I'm back!

Awesome! Thanks for reviewing chapter 3!

And this chapter is so nice, getting to meet Gotan.

Gotan is quite the important little fellow (ok maybe not little. He is quite large being a Doduo and is a fat one at that... ) as the mascot for the series.

It also probes at the mystery of Pokemon in this world, which is very tantalizing!

Glad to see you are intrigued. I've set up a number of curiosities in the fic!

A short one, but I have a feeling that this chapter will be quite important in setting up things later on. The Pokemon mystery potentially, Nikki's past, and not least of all, Gotan and whoever owned him!

I think you will enjoy how the series unfolds. 😎

I don't know if you've played Pokemon Sleep (a mobile game), but it has some lore on Doduo sleep. I actually have a Doduo in that game

I looked up some pokedex entries for Doduo lore including regarding sleep, but if you know something I don't, feel free to share!

👁️👁️
Why 'rightfully'? I didn't think it was a silly comment. Or is it 'rightfully' because it's like an animal and there's no reason for it to respond?

He considers Gotan to be like an animal since that's how Doduo are in their world.

:( Poor guy is lonely! Although I do like this detail that he talks to himself when alone.

He doesn't do it all the time, but does on occasion. But yes, as indicated in previous chapters, he does feel rather isolated and enjoys company when said company is not just after his money or prestige.

"Cylindrical" would be better here.

How right you are! I plugged that directly in. Thanks!

This is very random, but male deer (bucks) get very itchy velvet on their antlers and they're seen violently rubbing their antlers on trees to try to remove it and relieve the itching. So reading this, I like to imagine that Doduo also needs relief from too many feathers, maybe likes pressure too.

Not a bad observation!

Very intrigued by this... I don't know if this will be a "meet/find the legends fic," but I would be very curious if this fic explored what happened with Pokemon in this world. Did they use to exist and have been lost?

Ooo! I like the questions you ponder!

How did people come up with them in the cards?

How... indeed!

Also useful to meet someone related to Nikki who knows her from a young age!

Absolutely.

I love this combination of image and text. Diabolical 😈

Well he is strapped for cash and doesn't exactly enjoy yard work...

 

[bestgaragedoors]

Ready now for chapter 4! 😈

I looked up at the ceiling with my eyes half closed and a smile plastered to my face. "Instructors are crazy! You ever have Doctor Wem for her competitive play course?"

Rick curled up in a ball. "Noooo! Dude. One semester of that torture was ALL I COULD TAKE! What about you?"

I smiled exactly like a troll face. "I took ALL SIX YEARS! Twelve semesters of it."

Rick giggled. "No wonder you kick the living Mew out of people in the TCG, you psychopath!"

I squinted. "Man I wish I had one of those sandwiches she made..."

Ricks jaw dropped as he rocked back and forth in his seat. "You got WEM to make you a SANDWICH?! How!?"

I pushed my lips out like a duck. "No clue! She just gave it to me! Man it was so tasty..."

I think this is a place where it would be worth it to sort of elaborate on it, because by itself it feels disconnected. We haven't met Wem yet, so we don't know much about who she is or what she's usually like besides that she's a very good teacher. An instructor cooking for a student definitely comes off as someone who is trying to change the level of friendship they are on, and I think this is an opportunity for characterization for both of them!

I think it would make sense if the reason for her doing this was something like them being tired or staying late into the night, and she decides she wants to eat and makes one for him. That's a sign of two things: familiarity (they are working together so often that they end up getting carried away) and a certain level of intimacy (she does something she doesn't do for other students and makes them food). I also think if you elaborated on this a little, it could suggest the romantic aspect (that she wants to date him) earlier. You could also take advantage of this moment to show that the protagonist is a bit behind on dating and romance when it isn't as obvious as women throwing themselves at him like the Water Club. Like they're working hard, she invites him to have food, he thinks she's just being nice... and then she asks him out.

I picked myself up off the floor and got back to the couch, but it wasn't very comfortable.

The realization that he's sleeping on the table and not the couch is pretty funny My poor man must be drinking some very alcoholic beer! But you know, time flies when you're spending it with friends (and he apparently hasn't eaten yet!)

I moved to the REAL couch. "You know, I've only been drunk once before but I don't remember much about it! I always thought you were supposed to speak improperly when drunk with slurring of words and such, but look at me! I can speak perfectly normal! I must be special!"

Rick was smiling stupidly. "You ARE special, you idiot! You're the TCG Island Champion!"

Slurring words when very intoxicated isn't always a thing! It really depends on the individual. If you're very drunk, I think just about everyone will experience slurring or some motor coordination problems, but at that point you definitely know you are drunk and you're probably going past a point that is healthy.

The way Rick phrases it feels a bit like being too in favor of the protagonist, if that makes sense. He's very much sort of hyping up the protagonist during this chapter. It can come across like he's there to validate him. I think a way to show that Rick respects the protagonist while not being too much would be to have him compliment the protagonist's skills separate from getting drunk. Something like this:

I moved to the REAL couch. "You know, I've only been drunk once before but I don't remember much about it! I always thought you were supposed to speak improperly when drunk with slurring of words and such, but look at me! I can speak perfectly normal! I must be special!"

Rick was smiling stupidly. "You ARE special, and it's got nothing to do with you not slurring anything! You're the TCG Island Champion, for crying out loud!"

Something that shows that Rick is (a) affectionate, (b) his own person, and (c) in a teasing, drunken sort of mood.

Rick held his head in his hands. "MY DUDE! YOU ARE THICK AS A TREEEEE! Nikki would NOT shut UP about you! Do you know how annoying it was?! I almost went and told you to date her and I was in the middle of my SCIENCE PROJECT!"

I started crying. Nothing to be done about it now. It had happened.

Rick was quiet for a moment. "Dude... that is SO messed up. Its like a sad drama or some crap... You want her, so you get better at cards. She wants YOU and chases you, but can't get there!"

😭 Poor protag-kun! It's like two kids in middle school who are both mutually interested but neither has the guts to make the first move... neither one feels good enough for the other... and having it be a marriage and Nikki be more "traditional" in her attitude towards it also raises the stakes.

"[...] I just research crap. It's cool figuring stuff out. Somehow I get money for it."

I wish I could get money to research crap XD Glad Rick sees how good he's got it.

Rick stumbled over from the recliner and plopped down next to me on the couch while putting his arm on my shoulder. "You know, dude? You're alright. You did all that to try to make Nikki happy. Ima be your wing-man ok? I need more feathers from that crazy bird of yours, so Ima just follow you around and pick up feathers, but if there's a chick you dig, I use some science or crap to get her to notice you..."

I gotta say, the first time I read this, I was like, is the protagonist going to be a homewrecker and is Rick going to help him?! Nikki has a kid with Isaac! Unexplored territory for Pokemon fic! But reading this a second time, I think it's less "Rick is going to break up Nikki's marriage" and more "Rick is going to help the protagonist find a girl he likes." I haven't read further than this so who knows, maybe the protagonist is going to break up a marriage... but I think I just read it wrong the first time.

All of this was familiar. Nikki was there with me as my wife. Had I been awake, that would be an obvious lie, but in the dream, it was a given fact.

I was snuggled up to her in our bed while our kids were in the other room sleeping in.

It was everything I could ever want...

If only Nikki could stop elbowing me in the gut...

Try as I might to enjoy our bliss, she just wouldn't stop with the jabbing!

"Nikki, please stop that! I love you!"

But now she was elbowing even harder. I was starting to get nauseous.

This is both touching and comical. The image of the poor protagonist being elbowed by his dream-wife who refuses to listen to his plaintive cries... it's that touch of being dreamy and domestic that feels like it makes perfect sense for him.

I sat up wiping the drool from my cheek. It was all over the couch pillow. My hair was a mess, and my poor suit would need cleaning after sleeping in it. Luckily, I had spares. My side felt terrible from the awkward sleeping angle I had been in. To top it all off, I had a hangover of my own to deal with...

If he wasn't too stinky, he could just give the suit a good steaming with a steamer and it would be as good as new. His shirt would probably absorb most of the sweat and would need to be cleaned. But if you want him to be more frugal (since he is excited about getting a new suit made at the start of his journey), I think it's very reasonable for him to be annoyed he has to steam it up a little. It's quite easy to steam the wrinkles out of a suit, and if he carries a tarp with him to keep his suit clean, I think he would totally have a steamer at his place!

He had a frown as he placed his finger on the bridge of this glasses to push them up some. "Champion. I'm only here because of Rick's orders. I am MISSING part of the science symposium for this, but I heard you are supplying Doduo feathers and that Rick can collect data, so lets get this over with."

This is a perfect combination of image and text. No notes.

 

[bestgaragedoors]

And we're hitting Chapter 5! Before I continue any further I want to say this: I think this chapter does a great balance of showing the TCG! You don't show every battle - that would be repetitive. But you show one battle, and it's got some good suspense and tension, even for someone who has never played the game before! This is a good balance. Not that you need to show this all the time, but I wanted to give you your flowers here. I also think it's an interesting detail to show this battle after David lost. This suggests that David is playing more carefully this time instead of just assuming that this guy will be a pushover because it's an all-commons deck.

David's attack meant his turn was over, so I drew my card:

In the past you have used this image for Rick. Did you mean to use it for David? He seems to use a different image elsewhere.

Our second duel began. I had no basic Pokemon in my starting hand, so I did what anyone does and shuffled my hand into my deck and drew seven more. This time I had a Voltorb, but no others. Starting with a 30HP mon was a bit risky, but I had no choice and it would likely be fine for one turn.

This is a good way to establish tension - you drew a 'mon that easily be KO'd and you inform the reader about that since we probably don't know the TCG. This already sets up tension that makes us curious about how this battle will go.

David played a male Nidoran. This one was much more dangerous. It could potentially do 30 damage with only one energy. The attack could fail since it relied on a coin-flip, but it wasn't worth the risk of leaving it alone, especially since he attached Grass Energy to it.

Yes! Raise the stakes, make the reader feel and understand what the protagonist is going through. This really helps us understand how the protagonist views battles.

Rick smiled. "Fantastic duel data! Not a bad haul of feathers from the first game either! I'm fortunate that you run Doduo in your deck. Without it, I would not benefit from the additional feathers Gotan throws about when taking attacks from cards!"

Gotan seemed to wince upon hearing Rick call his name.

Probably just a coincidence.

At any rate, I was starting to get used to having that bird and my eccentric house-guest around!

Was it my imagination or did Gotan seem disappointed by this turn of events? I reasoned that would be ridiculous and that I read entirely too much into that dumb bird...

We've got a new party member: Rick! Gotan seems to feel uncomfortable around him even though he likes having Rick take his feathers. The protagonist doesn't seem to notice, which makes sense since we've already established that he's a bit oblivious about this sort of signaling. It's not like anyone in this world would have a ton of experience of reading and understanding Pokemon feelings!

After reading this chapter, I actually wonder if you could have combined it with the previous one! Obviously you've already got your threadmarks and all and it's not worth upsetting it, but I mean for the future. The most important thing that happens here is that you defeat the science members, and we learn that Gotan doesn't quite feel comfortable being referred to as Gotan. You set up some interesting character details about him, and otherwise we're sort of moving forward with the clubs. The previous chapter between the protagonist and Rick was pretty short, so putting them together could create a chapter that encapsulates the "science arc" 🤔 At the same time, you seem to like having bite-sized chapters that focus on a single theme or event. Which isn't bad; it makes it easy to move forward.

 

[Tango]

Ready now for chapter 4! 😈

I think this is a place where it would be worth it to sort of elaborate on it, because by itself it feels disconnected. We haven't met Wem yet, so we don't know much about who she is or what she's usually like besides that she's a very good teacher. An instructor cooking for a student definitely comes off as someone who is trying to change the level of friendship they are on, and I think this is an opportunity for characterization for both of them!

There are more opportunities for this. I've strung bits of this plot thread along in multiple chapters. It isn't something that gets elaborated on immediately.

I think it would make sense if the reason for her doing this was something like them being tired or staying late into the night, and she decides she wants to eat and makes one for him. That's a sign of two things: familiarity (they are working together so often that they end up getting carried away) and a certain level of intimacy (she does something she doesn't do for other students and makes them food). I also think if you elaborated on this a little, it could suggest the romantic aspect (that she wants to date him) earlier. You could also take advantage of this moment to show that the protagonist is a bit behind on dating and romance when it isn't as obvious as women throwing themselves at him like the Water Club. Like they're working hard, she invites him to have food, he thinks she's just being nice... and then she asks him out.

Hmmm! Ok, you've made me realize I'm ok disclosing one fact: After he rejected her, she gave him the extremely tasty sandwich and walked away.

The realization that he's sleeping on the table and not the couch is pretty funny My poor man must be drinking some very alcoholic beer! But you know, time flies when you're spending it with friends (and he apparently hasn't eaten yet!)

Always interesting to see which parts people find funny enough to comment on and which ones they don't. I'm glad some of the chapter was able to amuse you! I consider it one of the funniest in the fic. Chapter 2 with the Water Club is up there too...

Slurring words when very intoxicated isn't always a thing! It really depends on the individual. If you're very drunk, I think just about everyone will experience slurring or some motor coordination problems, but at that point you definitely know you are drunk and you're probably going past a point that is healthy.

Exactly! Mister Gentleman doesn't get drunk enough to really know that though.

The way Rick phrases it feels a bit like being too in favor of the protagonist, if that makes sense. He's very much sort of hyping up the protagonist during this chapter. It can come across like he's there to validate him. I think a way to show that Rick respects the protagonist while not being too much would be to have him compliment the protagonist's skills separate from getting drunk. Something like this:

Rick was smiling stupidly. "You ARE special, and it's got nothing to do with you not slurring anything! You're the TCG Island Champion, for crying out loud!"

Something that shows that Rick is (a) affectionate, (b) his own person, and (c) in a teasing, drunken sort of mood.

You seem to be missing one huge point. They are drunk. What you are proposing takes all the drunk out of drunk! It's better when it's dumb! Or at least I like it more how it is so I'm going to decline this one... I'm normally pretty open to suggestions though, so I hope you will continue to make them if you see thing that inspire you to make suggestions!

😭 Poor protag-kun! It's like two kids in middle school who are both mutually interested but neither has the guts to make the first move... neither one feels good enough for the other... and having it be a marriage and Nikki be more "traditional" in her attitude towards it also raises the stakes.

Yeah... he totally wrecked in the love department...

I wish I could get money to research crap XD Glad Rick sees how good he's got it.

I love this chapter. It was so much fun to write!

I gotta say, the first time I read this, I was like, is the protagonist going to be a homewrecker and is Rick going to help him?! Nikki has a kid with Isaac! Unexplored territory for Pokemon fic!

It certainly would be unique, I'd give it that!

But reading this a second time, I think it's less "Rick is going to break up Nikki's marriage" and more "Rick is going to help the protagonist find a girl he likes." I haven't read further than this so who knows, maybe the protagonist is going to break up a marriage... but I think I just read it wrong the first time.

Yeah, Rick is offering to help him find a girl he likes, not to break up Nikki's marriage.

This is both touching and comical. The image of the poor protagonist being elbowed by his dream-wife who refuses to listen to his plaintive cries... it's that touch of being dreamy and domestic that feels like it makes perfect sense for him.

Glad it had an impact! Though not nearly as much of the one Mister Gentleman got to his gut from Rick's elbow...

If he wasn't too stinky, he could just give the suit a good steaming with a steamer and it would be as good as new. His shirt would probably absorb most of the sweat and would need to be cleaned. But if you want him to be more frugal (since he is excited about getting a new suit made at the start of his journey), I think it's very reasonable for him to be annoyed he has to steam it up a little. It's quite easy to steam the wrinkles out of a suit, and if he carries a tarp with him to keep his suit clean, I think he would totally have a steamer at his place!

Hmmm! Ok, I've made some adjustments to this scene. It is now:

I sat up wiping the drool from my cheek. It was all over the couch pillow. My hair was a mess, and my poor suit was wrinkled after sleeping in it. Luckily, I had spares and could test my new steamer to smooth it out. It was a far cry from the dry-cleaning subscription I wanted, but lack of money made the choice for me.​

As I rubbed the crust out of my eyes I felt my side throbbing from the awkward sleeping angle. Rick's jabs likely made it worse... To top it all off, the pounding of my head revealed Rick wasn't the only one with a hangover...​

This is a perfect combination of image and text. No notes.

Some of them come together quite well! I don't often have people comment on it. Thanks!

 

[Tango]

And we're hitting Chapter 5!

Two reviews in a row?! I'm happy!

Before I continue any further I want to say this: I think this chapter does a great balance of showing the TCG! You don't show every battle - that would be repetitive. But you show one battle, and it's got some good suspense and tension, even for someone who has never played the game before! This is a good balance. Not that you need to show this all the time, but I wanted to give you your flowers here. I also think it's an interesting detail to show this battle after David lost. This suggests that David is playing more carefully this time instead of just assuming that this guy will be a pushover because it's an all-commons deck.

Trying to balance the duels with the narrative has been probably one of the hardest parts for me about writing it. I think I've finally started hitting a stride on how to handle them and I'm super glad you mentioned this!

In the past you have used this image for Rick. Did you mean to use it for David? He seems to use a different image elsewhere.

So, occasionally, I put a character image underneath the section it corresponds to. The line above it refers to Rick catching feathers, hence the picture for Rick. For the bit about David's attack, he wasn't really saying anything there or making an action. The text only references him because it lead to the end of that turn and drawing the next card.

I'll keep this in mind. If anyone else points it out I'll just move Rick's picture right below Gotan instead. Thanks.

This is a good way to establish tension - you drew a 'mon that easily be KO'd and you inform the reader about that since we probably don't know the TCG. This already sets up tension that makes us curious about how this battle will go.

And yet, all these duels are ones I played right on the game myself. Pretty cool how well some of them turned out for implementing in the fic! Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Yes! Raise the stakes, make the reader feel and understand what the protagonist is going through. This really helps us understand how the protagonist views battles.

I love hearing stuff like this. If my fic does duels well then there isn't much holding it back!

We've got a new party member: Rick! Gotan seems to feel uncomfortable around him even though he likes having Rick take his feathers. The protagonist doesn't seem to notice, which makes sense since we've already established that he's a bit oblivious about this sort of signaling. It's not like anyone in this world would have a ton of experience of reading and understanding Pokemon feelings!

Indeed!

After reading this chapter, I actually wonder if you could have combined it with the previous one! Obviously you've already got your threadmarks and all and it's not worth upsetting it, but I mean for the future. The most important thing that happens here is that you defeat the science members, and we learn that Gotan doesn't quite feel comfortable being referred to as Gotan. You set up some interesting character details about him, and otherwise we're sort of moving forward with the clubs. The previous chapter between the protagonist and Rick was pretty short, so putting them together could create a chapter that encapsulates the "science arc" 🤔 At the same time, you seem to like having bite-sized chapters that focus on a single theme or event. Which isn't bad; it makes it easy to move forward.

So, I originally wanted them to be a single chapter, but I was limited by the 10 unique image rule before I learned from Negrek how to bypass it with coding. By that time, I already had them as separate chapters. This chapter is the worst offender in the fic for this sort of thing. I'll keep this in mind. I may even combine them later, but for now I think I'll just keep them separate. Book Two should be able to avoid these types of situations though once I start working on re-posting it.

 

[FanFictioner144]

Greetings! I have read Introduction and Prologue, and I shall now review those. Happy Review Exchange!

Spoiler: Review for Intro & Prologue

Introduction

Ah, showing the true cards behind your story. As a non-TCG user, I look forward to understanding the games and their lore.

So far, the book has piqued my interest. Ronald the rival, eight master medals, four legendary Pokémon, and especially the Team GR part. All looking similar to the anime.

Soundtracks, story changes, sections, content warnings... taking notes, taking notes.

Special thanks feeling like a dream sequence. Nice.


Prologue

Track 1 – nice C# major to express that feeling of elevation! Not listening as I read, though, as music interferes with my reading.
i have absolute pitch, by the way

After winning card duels in the Pokemon Trading Card Game against countless opponents on our island, I proved my worth and then some

Firstly, what is “some” doing here?

Then, syntactically speaking, long sentences like that one throw me for a loop. For analysis, there are three ideas that overlap: “winning”, “against countless opponents”, and “on our island”.

On that note, something like “With my victories on {island_name}’s Pokémon TCG, I proved my worth over countless opponents” keeps the structure syntactically clear.

My unrestricted deck, 'Mystic Fire', was a force to behold indeed

Perhaps “a force to be reckoned with” would be a better fit?

Overall insightful diary passage. One for the main cards that our protagonist was using, another for his concerns about looks and family. At that, I am waiting to see... how long does he hold his enthusiasm?


Track 2 – seems something undertale’ish... correct me if I am wrong. Either way, a fitting theme for developing history and dialogues.

As usual, I tend to jot things down shortly after they occur. That combined with what I have been told is a good memory allows me to keep highly accurate diary entries

Caught one! “That, combined (…) good memory, allows (…)”

Anyway, I see what you did there. Trying to keep the [suspension of disbelief] intact with exposition. Not a bother for me, but other readers might complain about the static explanation.

She also found insulting that the position does not pay a salary

Nice reminder that Pokémon duelists do not receive money. Wonder how capitalism works in their world.

It was at this point I decided on no more tutoring sessions

"It was at this moment that he knew..." ugh, my dirty mind!

Anyway, that was the quickest withdrawal I have ever seen. Might have been a subconscious decision, rather than a thoughtful one.

Billy and I had a long chat about expectations

Going back to the opening line...

I shall spare no detail in this section

Yeah, I knew his diary was too perfect to be true.


Me after reading the conversation: “Aww! I want to join the Normal or Bug-type club! Could you please be my tutor as well?”

"After I was done being a crummy Fire Club member (...)"

An idea: he could change the word “crummy” into something more neutral, such as “starter” or “novice”.


Looks like that geography class landed onto [nevermind-land]. This, combined with the overall factors, goes to show how novice of a tutor our main character is. Flawed characters... I like it.

Man, I really wanted to help MC teach Billy. Wonderful job with immersion!

I held a hand to my chin an grinned

Caught one! “and”
(Note: I only review orthography and grammar when the mistake impacts readability.)

"Hey, Mister! I'm ready to learn Pokemon Cards now! Make me the very best"

Me too!

Turkey birds? At that point, I gave up

How many times does this crummy tutor give up?? This plot point has become redundant.

"(...) card game, its fighting (...)"

Caught one! “card game. Its fighting”

"(...) Even to the point that all buildings are constructed to be Doduo-friendly with scratch-resistant flooring"

Static exposition, not a bother for me, others might complain… you get the drill.

Maybe a scene depicting [a Doduo trailing along the buildings] would do the trick.

"(...) Doduo just appeared one year a long time ago. There was no historical record of them prior to that point"

Ah, classic case of indecisive timing.

Also, “prior to that point” makes me question, “What point?”

"(...) Psychics determined aliens don't exist centuries ago"

Ambiguity in dialogue is fine, as long as the very next line addresses it. Here, the potential meanings are “Centuries ago, physics determined that (…)” or “(…) aliens ceased from existence centuries ago”.


Man, I have been line-by-line’ing for a while!
Anyway, I see that our MC is not merely a novice, but also a terrible teacher! Of course, the character is to blame, not the author. I cannot wait to see how his character develops.
Splendid story so far!


Track 2.5 – A fit for the teaching scenes.

"(...) Each club as a leader/master (...)"

"Retreating can help to clear status (...)"

Caught two! “has” and remove “to”, respectively.

"There are 7 Pokemon types: Grass, Fire, Water, Lightning, Fighting, Psychic, and Colorless (...)"'

So, there is no “normal” or “bug". In that case, I will gladly be part of colorless or grass.


Overall, the explanation piqued my interest in the games. I ended up watching a video to understand TCG better.

(...) it wasn't nearly as lucrative as dueling

Quoting from my review:

Pokémon duelists do not receive money (...)

Contradiction found. Which way is true, I wonder?


Track 3 – this happy theme might be misplaced, considering the drama. You might consider changing it in the future.


Valid reflection on reality, by the way.

(...) none of this would be a problem

(...) working utilities and then there (...)

I would need to

Caught three! “would have been”, “working utilities, and then, there”, and “I need to”, respectively.


After reading the entire prologue, I now set my overall impressions of the plot and its characters. Despite never playing TCG, I still enjoyed the narrative. Furthermore, a sense of expectation lingers in my mind, provided how immersive this “tutoring session” was.

Starting another line, I say that the best stories feature characters meant to be criticized, relatable, and/or thoughtful. In accordance, your prologue has a MC that inspires disagreement, reflection, and plenty of room for character development. Meanwhile, Billy was a fair character, although I am inclined to believe that he will not reappear later on.
totally not because I did Ctrl+F


Overall, this is one of the few [non-Team Rocket] fanfictions I have enjoyed reading. Then again, as a non-TCG player, I might initially struggle to catch up with the details. Either way, I believe this will remain fun to follow.

As my closing line, I hope that the world building changes, from what characters know in the prologue. More specifically, I would love to see other Pokémon in their world, and I would also like MC to meet and partner up with a Doduo.

For now, I bid farewell and share a [heap of kudos] with you!

 

[Tango]

Greetings! I have read Introduction and Prologue, and I shall now review those. Happy Review Exchange!

Happy indeed!

Spoiler: Review for Intro & Prologue

Introduction

Ah, showing the true cards behind your story. As a non-TCG user, I look forward to understanding the games and their lore.

Spoiler: Review for Intro & Prologue

While I do use the game lore, I also make quite a bit of it up as ways to explain the world of the games. Either way, I think you will find it enjoyable!

So far, the book has piqued my interest. Ronald the rival, eight master medals, four legendary Pokémon, and especially the Team GR part. All looking similar to the anime.

The game was designed to be similar to the anime which is similar to the mainline Pokemon games.

Prologue

Track 1 – nice C# major to express that feeling of elevation! Not listening as I read, though, as music interferes with my reading.
i have absolute pitch, by the way

I've never studied music before, but if I had lots of time, I might learn how to make chiptunes. Most likely I'll never have the kind of time I would want to do that, so I'll focus on writing instead.

Firstly, what is “some” doing here?

Its part of an expression. 'and then some' as in 'more than enough'.

Then, syntactically speaking, long sentences like that one throw me for a loop. For analysis, there are three ideas that overlap: “winning”, “against countless opponents”, and “on our island”.

On that note, something like “With my victories on {island_name}’s Pokémon TCG, I proved my worth over countless opponents” keeps the structure syntactically clear.

I'm not sure I'm getting all of what you are saying here, but I took a close look at that part of my fic and changed it around a bit. I think it works better now. Thanks!

Perhaps “a force to be reckoned with” would be a better fit?

You know what? Sure! Why not? I swapped it out.

Overall insightful diary passage. One for the main cards that our protagonist was using, another for his concerns about looks and family. At that, I am waiting to see... how long does he hold his enthusiasm?

As long as he can.

Track 2 – seems something undertale’ish... correct me if I am wrong. Either way, a fitting theme for developing history and dialogues.

So, the tracks link to youtube mostly and they tell you what they are. Most of it comes from retro pokemon games. But it honestly doesn't matter much if you recognize the tracks. What matters is how well they fit.

I think you may be the only reader to ever provide me with meaningful commentary on my soundtrack. I hope you will consider commenting on them past the prologue. I'm really starving for input on them.

Caught one! “That, combined (…) good memory, allows (…)”

Do you know how many people have helped me review things so far? The fact that you are still able to find errors for me to fix is both shocking and much appreciated! Fixed! Also, for errors such as these that I fix, I'll simply reply with:

Anyway, I see what you did there. Trying to keep the [suspension of disbelief] intact with exposition. Not a bother for me, but other readers might complain about the static explanation.

There are a couple things in the prologue I probably won't switch up. This is one of them. Thanks for pointing it out anyway though. If enough other readers also mention it, I might have to switch it.

Nice reminder that Pokémon duelists do not receive money. Wonder how capitalism works in their world.

So, they don't receive money but they do receive booster packs for wins. They can sell those booster packs to make money. Also, (and this is something you would learn later) members of clubs and Club Masters do get paid to be duelists.

"It was at this moment that he knew..." ugh, my dirty mind!

Anyway, that was the quickest withdrawal I have ever seen. Might have been a subconscious decision, rather than a thoughtful one.

He had much different expectations for how it would go lol...

Me after reading the conversation: “Aww! I want to join the Normal or Bug-type club! Could you please be my tutor as well?”

Mister Gentleman might not be able to, but the person behind his skill at the TCG could. (aka me since my fic has a lets-play skeleton underneath.)

An idea: he could change the word “crummy” into something more neutral, such as “starter” or “novice”.

This one is one I will not be implementing. My reason: he is annoyed that Billy would call it crummy. So he uses the same word back to him with disdain.

Looks like that geography class landed onto [nevermind-land]. This, combined with the overall factors, goes to show how novice of a tutor our main character is. Flawed characters... I like it.

Indeed. He may be champion of the TCG, but he is not Champion of life.

Man, I really wanted to help MC teach Billy. Wonderful job with immersion!

Well, I hear Billy has an opening for a new tutor...

Caught one! “and”
(Note: I only review orthography and grammar when the mistake impacts readability.)

How many times does this crummy tutor give up?? This plot point has become redundant.

Hmm... very well. I switched the wording around a bit. Should work better now.

Caught one! “card game. Its fighting”

Static exposition, not a bother for me, others might complain… you get the drill.

Maybe a scene depicting [a Doduo trailing along the buildings] would do the trick.

It doesn't bug me enough for me to try to implement it differently. But if anyone else mentions it, I probably will take it out and add that information to a later chapter.

Ah, classic case of indecisive timing.

Also, “prior to that point” makes me question, “What point?”

So, I had to do some research on what I wrote but I figured out WHEN Doduo first appeared in their world. It was about 200 years ago. I've added this information to the Prologue. Thanks for pointing this out!

Ambiguity in dialogue is fine, as long as the very next line addresses it. Here, the potential meanings are “Centuries ago, physics determined that (…)” or “(…) aliens ceased from existence centuries ago”.

Man, I have been line-by-line’ing for a while!
Anyway, I see that our MC is not merely a novice, but also a terrible teacher! Of course, the character is to blame, not the author. I cannot wait to see how his character develops.

I think you will enjoy what I have in store then.

Splendid story so far!

Thanks!

Track 2.5 – A fit for the teaching scenes.

Yeah!

Thank you so much for commenting on the soundtrack.

Caught two! “has” and remove “to”, respectively.

So, there is no “normal” or “bug". In that case, I will gladly be part of colorless or grass.

On TCG Island there is no Colorless Club. There is a Grass Club, but it's all girls in it. However! On GR Island there is a Grass Fortress and a Colorless Altar you could join up in!

Overall, the explanation piqued my interest in the games. I ended up watching a video to understand TCG better.

That's fair. I wasn't trying to give a perfect tutorial. Just something basic that covered the information while being accurate.

Quoting from my review:

Contradiction found. Which way is true, I wonder?

Alright I switched some stuff around in the chapter to make things more clear. Also, to answer your question Champion doesn't get a salary. Any duelists who aren't members of clubs or Club Masters don't get a salary either. All duelists win booster packs from winning games. They can sell those packs to card shops to make money. So they don't get paid, but they do have a way of getting money reliably.

Track 3 – this happy theme might be misplaced, considering the drama. You might consider changing it in the future.

You are totally right! I went back to swap it for a different track AND I added a 3.5 a little farther in. That should get things in good shape. Honestly that was a bit embarassing. I usually do a great job with the soundtrack.

Valid reflection on reality, by the way.

Thanks!

Caught three! “would have been”, “working utilities, and then, there”, and “I need to”, respectively.

After reading the entire prologue, I now set my overall impressions of the plot and its characters. Despite never playing TCG, I still enjoyed the narrative.

Yeah!!! That's one of the main goals of my fic: to make it so compelling that even non-fans of the TCG will be able to enjoy it!

Furthermore, a sense of expectation lingers in my mind, provided how immersive this “tutoring session” was.

Nice, nice.

Starting another line, I say that the best stories feature characters meant to be criticized, relatable, and/or thoughtful. In accordance, your prologue has a MC that inspires disagreement, reflection, and plenty of room for character development.

Excellent.

Meanwhile, Billy was a fair character, although I am inclined to believe that he will not reappear later on.
totally not because I did Ctrl+F

I might have him appear in Book Two. I haven't totally made my mind up.

Overall, this is one of the few [non-Team Rocket] fanfictions I have enjoyed reading.

You haven't even got to what I consider the good parts of the fic yet. I'll be very curious what you think of chapter one.

Then again, as a non-TCG player, I might initially struggle to catch up with the details. Either way, I believe this will remain fun to follow.

I've tried to make it reader friendly. Hopefully it will be easy enough to follow along, but feel free to ask questions or point out anything confusing.

As my closing line, I hope that the world building changes, from what characters know in the prologue.

Oh it most certainly does.

More specifically, I would love to see other Pokémon in their world,

I will neither confirm nor deny if there will be any others.

and I would also like MC to meet and partner up with a Doduo.

Oh that is coming. It won't take you very long to get there.

For now, I bid farewell and share a [heap of kudos] with you!

Your review style has been so different from others. It's been quite helpful for catching things no one else has thus far!

I'm pleased with this first one!

 

[FanFictioner144]

Hello again! Back for another Review Exchange round. This time, I will review the first chapter. Enjoy!

Spoiler: Review for Chapter 1

Track 4 – an A major to express optimism, with a touch of melancholy. Very fitting.

a tendency to come at night once all was

If it resulted in failure, maybe

if I used only commons

Caught three! “at night, once all was,” “If it failed” (optional for concision), and “if I only used.”

It certainly gave room to breathe, but had an... emptiness about it

Perhaps replace “but had an…” with “but I felt a sense of…” for clarity.

found the concept of romance to be somewhat alien and inscrutable

You could remove “to be” for concision. Only optional.

Sorry, I got caught up in small mistakes. I will try my best to ignore those from now on.
Anyway, I see our MC is thinking of love. Perhaps foreshadowing much?
Also, lovely illustrations!

But to the matter at hand, my funds were low, and they certainly would not replenish on their own!

Brought back to life!

Track 5 – a theme that invokes [traveling and exploring]. Certainly, a fit for the scenes.

Sunlight occasionally filtered down on spots along the dry dirt path

Might be just me, but “down on spots along the” is confusing. Are those spots something like [marks on the ground]? Or holes?

but that did allow for a profound appreciation of the outdoors on the rare occasions it occurred

This sentence is way too long. Makes it harder to determine what the pronoun “it” refers to.

and families to care for, which lead to the

Caught one! “led” for past tense.
Note: this is a recurring mistake. Therefore, every time this happens, I will react with a "led💡".

A slow buildup to the real action. Now I am wondering, does MC care that much about the TCG, compared to what we have seen in the prologue? Perhaps his character development has already begun. Who knows?

Track 6 – since this is the official track, I leave no further commentary here.

The brick path lead to a large

led💡

to meet the back wall where there were small pine tree's behind

Caught two! “the back wall, where” and “small pine trees behind.”
Also, the “where there were” sounds redundant at best. One way to clarify the sentence is, “the back wall, where small pine trees could be seen behind (…)”.

The ceiling was a glass dome to allow in natural light

Optional: “a glass dome, allowing in”, to shift focus from “glass dome” to “allow in”.

As always, the illustrations are sensational!

From the amount of details in MC’s depictions, I infer that Brittany is his personal favorite; Kristin is an extra; and Heather is only acknowledgeable because she sparks an emotional connection with her mother. In other words, the way I see it, Brittany = main opponent, while Kristin and Heather = NPCs.
and, look! i was right!

I look forward to seeing how he interacts with them.

Track 7 – another A major (with starting note E). This one invokes the feeling of love, a fit for MC’s crush on Nikki.

My subconscious is now asking, “When will they start the action?” I do cherish introspective moments. However, they do slow down the pacing. As such, when overused, these lessen the impact of an action sequence.
Now, this begs the question: “What is more important here, TCG or personal life of MC?” I would say the latter, but who knows.

Track 8 – a D minor theme, perfect for the melancholy MC is feeling.
track added to my favorites list

It didn't take long for the girls to notice me.

Finally, back to standard pacing! Can’t wait to see them [let the fun begin]!

Track 9 – we’re now back in track with this one!

Track 10 – that was a quick change of theme. Nonetheless, this also fits Pokémon gym/club holdups.

No-doubt she made

Stylistic option or genuine mistake? “No doubt”

and placing ones hands on the floor

Caught one! “placing one’s hands”
Note: mistakes regarding apostrophe are also recurring. For this one, I will do a "apo-💥" every time it appears.
man, i really want to get into the action sequence

use a table commonly.'

Caught one! {use a table commonly’.”}, adding quotation marks in the end.

Track 10.5 – It's tiime, to du-d-d-du-duuel!

Now I am wondering. Does a typical turn take around five minutes to complete? What would happen if someone put a timer for both players?
ugh, memories of my experience with chess… i simply play like a newbie when there is a timer

Brittany drew a card and benched a Weedle from her hand. She then attached another Grass Energy to her Bellsprout and ended her turn.

No wonder MC wins every time. Look at how short her turn was, compared to his! She did not even attack!

Darn-it! That puts me back

Stylistic option or genuine mistake?

without paying it's energy cost

apo-💥

She then drew her card and played 'Potion' to remove the 20 damage from her benched Scyther. She then attached a Grass Energy to it.

What kind of strategy is this, healing and energizing an inactive Pokémon?? Now he knows what she’s aiming for, plus he has two full turns to ready up a counter!

Card draw in all it's forms

apo-💥

This battle is now getting interesting. Looks like even with the best of preparations and knowledge, MC is still worried about defeat due to misfortune. Nice.

Brittany drew a card and passed her turn.

Ayo, useless tomboyish girl! Is your strategy just “draw card from pile and pray it can somehow one-shot opponents”? No wonder MC always wins!

She brought out a Bellsprout, attached a Grass Energy, and used Vine Whip for 10 damage.

Just forfeit, you bozo!

"(...) Pretty soon, I'll be able to say I beat the champion!"

I can't-

Kristin had tears running down her face. "What IS this?! How can I lose to a deck of ALL COMMONS!?"

Rest in peace, Kristin. Your NPC self esteem will be remembered
lol nope

With how little these people know about TCG, MC could have invested in a teaching career. Provided he can overcome his tutoring disgust, he would make a lot of money that way.
Surely, if I lived in their world, I would study TCG and earn money by offering knowledge. I would then become a rival to MC. Not in the sense of championship, but rather a rival in knowledge.
Looks like I have been daydreaming for way too long. The immersion is really that good!

Track 11 – Water, Psychic & Rock, already?! And why is it that this fits the scenes so well!?

Now was not the time for our duel though

What a way to level up reader expectations. Carry on.

My next destination would be the Water Club

Going from fire to electric. I see!

I have already implied it, but I will write it out bold: wonderful chapter!

 

[Flyg0n]

Sorry for taking so long! Here's two chapters and if work permits I hope to get a third out

Spoiler: Replies

Yep, he has been paying to get the coinflips to work, but only for Bill's Teleporter. Spoiler: it isn't doing jack for him.

Also, prior to him running his all-common deck, he never influenced any coin-flips (or did things that he thought would influence them)

Oh I seeeee. Interesting

Yeah, it's not common knowledge except for the subscription for Bill's Teleporter. That's public knowledge and is accepted.

Ohhh Okay so its like, just how things work here.

Well, no one in the game uses trick coins to cheat the system. It's all random RNG. In this world, instead of RNG, they have Bill Inc.

So weird but hey, I'll accept it. Especially if its all the same anyway outcome wise.

All of the outcomes of the duels are based on an actual let's play of me playing the game. I did not use cheats. That means any perceived cheating on Mister Gentleman's part is actually not doing a dang thing to influence his coin-flips no matter how much it may seem otherwise. Now that I have mentioned that, I think you will enjoy trying to figure out why the things that are supposed to help him cheat aren't working.

Oh yeah on like, a meta level I definitely get it, especially since its based on a let's play.

I think what I am more fixated on beyond even whats actually happening (I guess the paid service is a scam/doesn't work) is what Gentleman himself believes he's doing. If he believes he both can rig it and is rigging it, it matters to me for the perception of his character. Like someone who thinks they can cheat and would try it. But I am given to understand that Bill is an established world factor thats not considered cheating so I can't hold that against him.

I am now quite curious about the psychic cheating/rigging though.

Hmm... In addition to this, I think I'm going to expand the lore later in the story to include that the subscription for the Teleporter is inherently flawed in general. As-in no one benefits from it. But the idea of bribery and a subscription is a sub-plot I intend to keep. I have my reasons.

Ahhh I see. corporate scams does make a lot of sense lol. carry on. I trust and am curious what you're cooking, heh. :D

Spoiler: Chapter 9

Murray, the Psychic Club Master, was sitting cross legged in the far left corner STILL trying in vain to bend his favorite spoon with his mind. He was age forty-six, I believed.

omg

I remembered the previous master from my youth had a trick spoon. She would press a cleverly-hidden button and it would bend. She pretended her psychic powers gave her telekinesis and that only the best psychics could ever hope to achieve it. I learned about the spoon by asking her to explain how she did it if I beat her in a duel. I was only a Fire Club member at the time, and she was so confident she would win that she didn't even bother using her psychic power to check the outcome before agreeing...

The idea that psychic future prediction is real but telekinesis is fake is so funny to me.

Why anyone would want to leave TCG Island to live somewhere else was beyond me...

Maybe the HOA would make them leave

She held a hand up near her face to examine her nails. "You speak my language... Oh, and don't worry about dueling me. I forfeit. Here are your booster packs."

Well then that was easy ahaha

Robert looked up at me. "Oh, hi, Mister Gentleman! I already know you are going to win. My ghosts can't get through your Porygon, so I forfeit!"

Thats one way to win a duel I guess! I have to say I am very amused by this notion that foresight is real and they just go "yep you win" or presumably can tell if they would win. Are they ever wrong? How accurate is this? Does it only work for duels or can they predict other things?
(Can they predict if the people at the fast food place are gonna forget to put my sauce in the bag?)

Daniel laughed. "Yeah, I forfeit too! I just want to keep playing Robert here since our psychic powers cancel each others out. It makes it fun because we can't tell who will win in our duels against each other!"

I supposed if one wanted to nullify the advantage of a psychic, one needed to be psychic themselves... Not that I ever had a need for that. Just because they knew I was going to win, didn't mean they could prevent it.

Thats so funny so they can't predict if the other will win?

Is it absolute against non psychics? Is it odds of winning or guranteed? What if the player has a good deck but sucks at using it?

I scratched my head. "Well... erm... alright then! Have... a good day?"

The two of them apparently hadn't even heard me. They were already busy shuffling and setting up their next game.

Murray was still in the corner focusing intently on his spoon.

At that point, I figured I'd just let myself out... At least I got my booster packs for 'winning'.

Murray noooo ahahaha
This kind of thing never fails to get a chuckle out of me. Having one crazy power (foresight) be known and real, but dismissing another (telekinesis) as childrens fables and superstition and silliness

9 makes for a pretty amusing comedic interlude. I feel like there's some interesting tidbits of world stuff here about gambling and probability and the psychic club. I am very intrigued to see how this comes up later.

Spoiler: Ch 10

Gotan rolled around in the grass while somehow bouncing on his blubber simultaneously.

blubber does feel kinda weird of a descriptor here. I know birds have some sort of but I feel like it sticks out maybe more than services the sentence? I think just describing him as bouncing on his fluff would work fine but this might just be me.

Ronald looked me in the eyes without amusement. "It first started... with Issac."

dun dun DUN. Oh boy

My success... it was all to help me reach her. Nikki, the girl of my dreams... My inspiration to push myself to the limits and become Champion... It wasn't fair... I did what she required... I had no idea why she changed her mind and didn't wait for me.

Well you do sort of know why, Rick told you. Alas.

He was staring holes in me.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh FINE then! Come on inside... you dumb bird..." I opened the door motioning for him to enter.

YAAAYYY friendship with Gotan+1

Ronald soon arrived and we set our decks up at the duel table in the dueling room in my house. We had agreed to a two out of three game match!

oh he is WEARIN that. yugioh lookin guy. i dig it.

"Group Spark for 40 damage doubled to 80 due to Lapras's lightning weakness! Since you are out of Pokemon, I win!"

HAH!!!Gotem

Ronald squinted back at me. "I like the art. It's cute. And you did 80 damage, so it wouldn't have even MATTERED! But I don't think you will see another game go like that..."

Omg this is the best possible reason to pick one card over another. respect.

Hitmonchan, had a high HP of 70, a 20 damage attack for only one fighting energy, and an even stronger 40 damage attack for three energy. Sure, evolutions of other mon were stronger, but they required evolution cards for each stage and often could only attack with many energy attached. Most basic mon with evolution capability typically only had 50HP at maximum and thus were easier to KO unless the opponent could evolve them.

Taking all that into account, Hitmonchan Lv33 wasn't just a decent rare card, it was the ultimate foe for my deck and terrifyingly effective versus other decks too!

as a Hitmonchan turned fan myself I do love that Hitmonchan card in this meta is S tier. Also a very solid card in the PTCG for a bit there!

I flipped my coin for Gambler. Hopefully Stephanie's hacking would come through for me.

Tails.

Poppycock.

Gambling doesn't pay, kids.

I raised an eyebrow. "You DO realize I was only 10 damage away from KOing it, right?"

Close only counts in horshoes and handgrenades, as they say.

I wasn't going to give him the chance. "Gust of Wind! Bring out your Shellder. Now Voltorb, finish it with your mighty Group Spark FOR 100 DAMAGE!"

Ronald nodded as he took off his gloves.

AW YIS. Honestly any kind of stuff that controls which pokemon your opponents sends out is so satisfying. I used to have a whole deck around it in PTCG before the meta kept shifting. Even if it wasn't always win its p cool to do heh.

Gotan looked dumb-struck. If I didn't know any better, I would say that bird actually understood the greatness of the match he had just witnessed!

Maybe he did... Maybe he's a super intelligent doduo...

The day grew late, however, and we hadn't had a chance to put together a proper prototype of the deck. I did, however, come up with what the deck would be named: 'MothZapper'

Oooohhhhggg I love the name hahah. Also im really glad and excited to see a changeup of the deck. Can't wait to see "MothZapper" in action!

When I retired for the evening I found my thoughts fixated on the Lightning Club... and Issac.

oohohoh this is gonna be interesting. Looking forward to seeing the ~draaammaaaaa~

Back to some good duels with Chapter 10. Mixed wins and losses, which was very satisfying. We're finally seeing Gentleman hitting some real roadblocks and having to consider how to adjust. I also like that it seems generally accept that winning multiple times makes you a proper winner instead of one off flukes and getting lucky (either in a win or loss). I think I mentioned this before but Beybade burst had the same energy and I definitely like that vibe.

Also getting some dramatic spice teasing Isaac... Can't wait to see how that all turns out!

 

[Tango]

Hello again! Back for another Review Exchange round. This time, I will review the first chapter. Enjoy!

So great to see you back again so soon! I'll do my best to reciprocate your effort!

SPOILER="Review for Chapter 1"]
Track 4 – an A major to express optimism, with a touch of melancholy. Very fitting.

Again thank you SO much for commentary on the soundtrack! Glad it's hitting the right 'notes'!

Caught three! “at night, once all was,” “If it failed” (optional for concision), and “if I only used.”


Perhaps replace “but had an…” with “but I felt a sense of…” for clarity.


You could remove “to be” for concision. Only optional.

Sorry, I got caught up in small mistakes. I will try my best to ignore those from now on.

It's fine to point out small mistakes as long as pointing those out are in addition to the other things instead of replacing them. I appreciate it all!

Anyway, I see our MC is thinking of love. Perhaps foreshadowing much?

I don't mind being obvious with foreshadowing. Gives the audience things to anticipate.

Also, lovely illustrations!

Thanks! I've been trying to get as much art for my fic as I can.

Track 5 – a theme that invokes [traveling and exploring]. Certainly, a fit for the scenes.

That's what I aim to do with the soundtrack. To have a fitting track for every scene!

Might be just me, but “down on spots along the” is confusing. Are those spots something like [marks on the ground]? Or holes?

Good point. I edited this line to make it better. Thanks!

This sentence is way too long. Makes it harder to determine what the pronoun “it” refers to.

Shaved down the length. Thanks!

Caught one! “led” for past tense.
Note: this is a recurring mistake. Therefore, every time this happens, I will react with a "led💡".

A slow buildup to the real action. Now I am wondering, does MC care that much about the TCG, compared to what we have seen in the prologue? Perhaps his character development has already begun. Who knows?

Read and see!

Track 6 – since this is the official track, I leave no further commentary here.

Yep. The official track for the official place it is used. Nothing revolutionary here.

led💡

Caught two! “the back wall, where” and “small pine trees behind.”
Also, the “where there were” sounds redundant at best. One way to clarify the sentence is, “the back wall, where small pine trees could be seen behind (…)”.

Optional: “a glass dome, allowing in”, to shift focus from “glass dome” to “allow in”.

As always, the illustrations are sensational!

Most of them are from the actual game, but the ones for MC were specially commissioned.

From the amount of details in MC’s depictions, I infer that Brittany is his personal favorite; Kristin is an extra; and Heather is only acknowledgeable because she sparks an emotional connection with her mother. In other words, the way I see it, Brittany = main opponent, while Kristin and Heather = NPCs.
and, look! i was right!

You are both correct and incorrect at the same time. Heather did have fairly limited interaction here, but will be much more important than she appears...

Track 7 – another A major (with starting note E). This one invokes the feeling of love, a fit for MC’s crush on Nikki.

I'm so happy to see I've been nailing the tracks on here. Also very cool how you are able to identify the notes being used. I might have some hidden music talent of my own, but I've never tried to develop it as a skill. Maybe someday I'll attempt to explore it. Wouldn't mind crafting some chip tunes but I don't have any time to attempt that right now.

My subconscious is now asking, “When will they start the action?” I do cherish introspective moments. However, they do slow down the pacing. As such, when overused, these lessen the impact of an action sequence.

I suppose they do slow down the pacing, but these things are very important to the plot, so I am not open to removing them even if the pacing suffers a little.

Now, this begs the question: “What is more important here, TCG or personal life of MC?” I would say the latter, but who knows.

Both are important but he is currently only proficient at one of those things...

Track 8 – a D minor theme, perfect for the melancholy MC is feeling.
track added to my favorites list

Nice to see you liked it enough to favorite it. If that is the case, I imagine you will find several other tracks to favorite as the fic goes on!

Track 9 – we’re now back in track with this one!

Yep, the whole recovery and motivation thing.

Track 10 – that was a quick change of theme. Nonetheless, this also fits Pokémon gym/club holdups.

Yeah, it didn't need to be too long. Most of them are longer than that though.

Stylistic option or genuine mistake? “No doubt”

Was supposed to be stylistic, but if people are asking if it is an error then it might as well be an error. I switched it.

Caught one! “placing one’s hands”
Note: mistakes regarding apostrophe are also recurring. For this one, I will do a "apo-💥" every time it appears.

man, i really want to get into the action sequence

Action will happen much more frequently going forward. You aren't the only one to mention pacing as a potential problem, but I'm not sure what else I can really do about that. Stuff in Chapter 1 is very important.

Caught one! {use a table commonly’.”}, adding quotation marks in the end.

Track 10.5 – It's tiime, to du-d-d-du-duuel!

Yep!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFkdcQgNJHo

Now I am wondering. Does a typical turn take around five minutes to complete? What would happen if someone put a timer for both players?

All the turns in the game tend to happen pretty quickly. (at least they do when I am playing them in the game. All these duels are games I directly played in the sequel game. The deck MC uses is a deck I myself crafted.)

ugh, memories of my experience with chess… i simply play like a newbie when there is a timer

Gameplay for this is simple enough that there is typically no need for a timer.

No wonder MC wins every time. Look at how short her turn was, compared to his! She did not even attack!

If you thought that was impressive, you should see how he does with his original deck...

apo-💥

What kind of strategy is this, healing and energizing an inactive Pokémon?? Now he knows what she’s aiming for, plus he has two full turns to ready up a counter!

Her logic: Her current mon is paralyzed. A paralyzed mon can't attack. A mon that can't attack is a useless mon. One must only attach energy to a useful mon. (nevermind that the paralysis would wear off at the end of the turn...) Bottom line: it's not a good strategy.

apo-💥

This battle is now getting interesting. Looks like even with the best of preparations and knowledge, MC is still worried about defeat due to misfortune. Nice.

This is against a club he has type advantage with. How will he do against those with no type advantage?

Ayo, useless tomboyish girl! Is your strategy just “draw card from pile and pray it can somehow one-shot opponents”? No wonder MC always wins!

Yep. This was what MC was talking about when he was wondering why everyone else sucks at the game so much. From a meta perspective, it's because the computer opponents in the game don't play very well. But from a story perspective, it's a lot more complicated.

Just forfeit, you bozo!

Funny you should mention that. Some opponents in the game actually DO forfeit! But not these.

I can't-

I can't say I blame them too much. An all common deck is insanity that shouldn't be able to work at all.

Rest in peace, Kristin. Your NPC self esteem will be remembered
lol nope

With how little these people know about TCG, MC could have invested in a teaching career.

He tried that. Billy ruined it for him.

Provided he can overcome his tutoring disgust, he would make a lot of money that way.
Surely, if I lived in their world, I would study TCG and earn money by offering knowledge. I would then become a rival to MC. Not in the sense of championship, but rather a rival in knowledge.

Certainly a doable thing!

Looks like I have been daydreaming for way too long. The immersion is really that good!

Awesome! Thanks!

Track 11 – Water, Psychic & Rock, already?! And why is it that this fits the scenes so well!?

Because as you will find, this track fits a lot of scenes incredibly well. That's because it's one of the best tracks in the game. So freaking tranquil.

What a way to level up reader expectations. Carry on.

Going from fire to electric. I see!

Indeed! Better to start with advantages early to get practice in with the deck.

[/SPOILER]
I have already implied it, but I will write it out bold: wonderful chapter!

Thanks!

 

[Tango]

Sorry for taking so long!

No worries. You are still pretty fast in the grand scheme of things and I love how far you are getting in the story!

Here's two chapters and if work permits I hope to get a third out

Ooo! I would love that!

Spoiler: Replies

I think what I am more fixated on beyond even whats actually happening (I guess the paid service is a scam/doesn't work) is what Gentleman himself believes he's doing. If he believes he both can rig it and is rigging it, it matters to me for the perception of his character. Like someone who thinks they can cheat and would try it. But I am given to understand that Bill is an established world factor thats not considered cheating so I can't hold that against him.

Fair. I acknowledge the bit about rigging Gambler is a knock to his character some.

In his mind, he shouldn't have to use a deck of all-commons just to get people to duel him. His Champion position doesn't pay a salary. Can't sell booster packs for money and the position doesn't give him any money directly. It's some major bull crap after he worked his whole dang life and threw everything away to get it for a society that revolves around the card game. If he has to cheat to get his poor man's Professor Oak to do what it ought to do for no coin-flip, he feels justified for it.

I am now quite curious about the psychic cheating/rigging though.

Stay tuned on that. More will be revealed on that point before the end of the book.

Ahhh I see. corporate scams does make a lot of sense lol. carry on. I trust and am curious what you're cooking, heh. :D

It's going to take a while to get to the payoff on this, but I think when you finally get there, you will (hopefully) agree it was worth the wait.

Spoiler: Chapter 9

The idea that psychic future prediction is real but telekinesis is fake is so funny to me.

Yeah, I was having some fun with that... And the old Club Master is TOTALLY the kind of person who would pull a stunt like that.

Maybe the HOA would make them leave

HOA = literally the only bad thing about TCG Island compared to the rest of their world.

Thats one way to win a duel I guess! I have to say I am very amused by this notion that foresight is real and they just go "yep you win" or presumably can tell if they would win. Are they ever wrong?

Nope. They are always right.

How accurate is this?

100% accurate. But only if they can see it. If they can't see it with their power, then all bets are off. Psychic power isn't consistent and some individuals have much stronger psychic power than others.

Does it only work for duels or can they predict other things?

They can predict anything they can see with their power, but they can't always see everything.

(Can they predict if the people at the fast food place are gonna forget to put my sauce in the bag?)

Yes, the absolutely can if they use their powers to look for it and if their power is behaving to let them do it.

Thats so funny so they can't predict if the other will win?

Correct!

Is it absolute against non psychics?

As long as they can see it with their power, yes.

Is it odds of winning or guranteed?

Only if they can see it.

What if the player has a good deck but sucks at using it?

Then they will know they will suck at using it and know if it will let them win or not.

Not all psychics have the same powers. Some have different ones. But the ones on TCG Island all have foresight as their power.

Murray noooo ahahaha

At first I thought I just discovered a plot hole: Why wouldn't Murray just use his foresight to see if he will ever be able to bend the spoon with his mind?

The answer: His power never lets him see that. Whenever he tries to find out, no matter how well his power is working for him at the time, it will never show him that information. In fact, no psychic can see that outcome. No where in their entire world. I might put this information in a chapter at some point too, actually. You can treat this information as cannon.

This kind of thing never fails to get a chuckle out of me. Having one crazy power (foresight) be known and real, but dismissing another (telekinesis) as childrens fables and superstition and silliness

It was certainly amusing to me too. Glad you like it!

9 makes for a pretty amusing comedic interlude. I feel like there's some interesting tidbits of world stuff here about gambling and probability and the psychic club. I am very intrigued to see how this comes up later.

Good. I try to make just about any interesting tidbit of lore have a purpose at some point. I look forward to you finding answers as you go!

Spoiler: Ch 10

blubber does feel kinda weird of a descriptor here. I know birds have some sort of but I feel like it sticks out maybe more than services the sentence? I think just describing him as bouncing on his fluff would work fine but this might just be me.

Hmm... ok i swapped it with 'rotund body'. He is a chubby bird, after all.

dun dun DUN. Oh boy

Indeed.

Well you do sort of know why, Rick told you. Alas.

Holy cow. You just discovered a plot hole! UGH! I rewrote this bit to fix it. Thanks a bunch! He absolutely did know why at this point!

Omg this is the best possible reason to pick one card over another. respect.

I really need to utilize this reason more often. This is the only mention of art as a determining factor in all of Book One. I'll try to keep an eye out for places to use it in Book Two.

as a Hitmonchan turned fan myself I do love that Hitmonchan card in this meta is S tier. Also a very solid card in the PTCG for a bit there!

S tier is no exaggeration. One of the best cards in the game.

Gambling doesn't pay, kids.

I mean, its supposed to if you bribe the employee to rig it in your favor...

Close only counts in horshoes and handgrenades, as they say.

AW YIS. Honestly any kind of stuff that controls which pokemon your opponents sends out is so satisfying. I used to have a whole deck around it in PTCG before the meta kept shifting. Even if it wasn't always win its p cool to do heh.

I love the kinds of comments players of the card game can provide. Always nice to see these kinds of things sprinkled in.

Maybe he did... Maybe he's a super intelligent doduo...

Could be.

Oooohhhhggg I love the name hahah. Also im really glad and excited to see a changeup of the deck. Can't wait to see "MothZapper" in action!

Uh... 😅 Let's just say it's going to be a while before he uses it...

oohohoh this is gonna be interesting. Looking forward to seeing the ~draaammaaaaa~

Oh there will be drama. There will be indeed...

Back to some good duels with Chapter 10. Mixed wins and losses, which was very satisfying. We're finally seeing Gentleman hitting some real roadblocks and having to consider how to adjust.

Beating Ronald with the deck was a pretty important milestone but he still has a long way to go.

I also like that it seems generally accept that winning multiple times makes you a proper winner instead of one off flukes and getting lucky (either in a win or loss). I think I mentioned this before but Beybade burst had the same energy and I definitely like that vibe.

Yep! Duels can be lost and things still be ok as long as it's not too much when stakes are high.

Also getting some dramatic spice teasing Isaac... Can't wait to see how that all turns out!

It's quite the chapter. I'll say that much.

 

[Nekodatta]

Sorry for the long delay, I reviewed chapters 3, 4 and 5 to compensate!

Spoiler

Clearly, it was the one that followed me home the day before yesterday! It was asleep with both its heads!

I like that you used that detail about Doduo's physiology to characterize this one as particularly lazy/different lol

nor do I have the funds to spare on food for you!"

Especially because you have to feed both heads or they bicker!

Apparently my Scyther-themed mailbox was not on the approved list of mon for the neighborhood! Now all I had was that dull Doduo mailbox in its place...

Sounds like a boring neighborhood man, let me put whatever on my mailbox lol

This one had the letters 'tan' on it. The back of this tag was empty.

Me: "go", "tan"...? "TANGO"?!

I lamented the fact that I would soon be routinely cleaning his feathers at any club I visited...

If they work like plain feathers in the games, he could sell them for cash, but unfortunately I don't think they work like that here...

The symbol itself looked rather strange now that I was looking at it closely. Almost like some kind of mechanized Mew.

OH??
I also went to check the Science Club symbol on the wiki to see if it was actually like that or you made it up for the lore, so I'm really interested about it now... I wonder if it's supposed to represent Mewtwo? I think I remember a Mewtwo card in the first game, it was even on one of the booster packs art I think...

In the far left corner of the lobby were two large cylindrical objects with steps leading to frames on either of them that looked to be a sliding door of some sort. It seemed like something a person could crawl inside of.

This description admittedly left me quite lost, it feels a bit convoluted and confusing. I couldn't picture what these objects were supposed to be like except for "cylinders". Something like the machine Bill used in Red/Blue?
You may want to rephrase this description a bit, especially because the added detail of noting they look like something like a person could use makes them feel important.

It may have been old technology, but few households had their own quantum computer due to their cost and bulk.

Ahahah, highly amused by the random lore drops here, and the fact that the setting has really advanced technology!

The wall that formed the separate room towards the back left, was lined with two shelves with various chemistry supplies.

I think the comma is not necessary here

Unless the old tales of the three legendary Pokemon gods are true, they are the only Pokemon to inhabit our world."

MORE lore??

For Ho-Oh, The Legendary Rainbow Palace may hold clues, but no one has seen it in over a century. Historical accounts from multiple eye-witnesses have been compiled on it. Is it truly a miraculous place, or does it simply involve technology beyond our current understanding? We know it employs anti-gravity to float in the sky. Anti-gravity is not new technology; GR Island's blimps use it. But we do not know the source or specific means that the palace utilizes for its anti-gravity."

Kinda like how a sacred place devoted to a god uses cutting edge technology.
Gives a very strong JRPG vibe!

Rick looked me in the eye. "Not bad, but do you have enough... for two?"

Gentleman got a new party member! Actually, two new party members!

He now had a hand over his face. "The vacuum! You get it?!"

Oh no, he's a dork. I love him already.

I smiled exactly like a troll face. "I took ALL SIX YEARS! Twelve semesters of it."

Rick giggled. "No wonder you kick the living Mew out of people in the TCG, you psychopath!"

This guy studied the cards FOR SIX YEARS???

and attached with Fireworks for 20 damage doubled to 40 due to weakness,

*attacked

So these were a bunch of really interesting chapters! There was a really nice mix of character moments with Gentleman and Rick's talk that gave some interesting perspectives on both, there was also some interesting lore that makes it clear you are setting up some interesting things for later and the fic is not going to be simply a series of matches and of course there's some CARD GAMES.
I loved the running gag of Rick's club member getting annoyed at having been called back from the symposium only to get destroyed in a match.
I feel like the highlight of this chapter however was Rick.
Where do I start? First I love his design, the crazy scientist guy with the freaking Game Boy shaped device is amazing.
He feels like a nice companion for Gentleman, he has some background connection to him by being Nikki's sister, but they don't know each other *that* well as to make little bonding moments were they can share info about themselves impossible like it would be if they would already know everything about each other.
It also feels nice to have another human character tag along apart from Gotan.
So I'm really excited to see what else you have planned for all other club leaders, because you definitely have a knack for making characters interesting and feel fleshed out with just giving out a couple details about them!
Like with Rick, he doesn't feel like a character that was introduced just to exist with the protagonist. In his first couple scenes we immediately know that he has his own life, interest, and objectives, and why he's deciding to tag along.
That's really good and quite tricky to do!

 

[Tango]

Sorry for the long delay, I reviewed chapters 3, 4 and 5 to compensate!

It seems to be a busy time for lots of people, but I'm glad to see these!

Spoiler

I like that you used that detail about Doduo's physiology to characterize this one as particularly lazy/different lol

Thanks! As an extra tidbit, this Doduo is the only one in their world to sleep with both heads at the same time.

Especially because you have to feed both heads or they bicker!

These heads actually get along super well with each other. Better than other Doduo, in fact. I might add this as a detail later, but his heads are very careful to divide food evenly.

Sounds like a boring neighborhood man, let me put whatever on my mailbox lol

Yeah, it's like the one bad thing about TCG Island.

Me: "go", "tan"...? "TANGO"?!

I think Mister Gentleman could learn a thing or two from you, Neko.

If they work like plain feathers in the games, he could sell them for cash, but unfortunately I don't think they work like that here...

Well, they DO have value to the right people, but they aren't the sort of thing that is easy to sell for money.

OH??
I also went to check the Science Club symbol on the wiki to see if it was actually like that or you made it up for the lore, so I'm really interested about it now... I wonder if it's supposed to represent Mewtwo? I think I remember a Mewtwo card in the first game, it was even on one of the booster packs art I think...

Mewtwo does exist as a card in the world. Since you went to look this up, I've added it as an image to the fic so now one else will need to!

This description admittedly left me quite lost, it feels a bit convoluted and confusing. I couldn't picture what these objects were supposed to be like except for "cylinders". Something like the machine Bill used in Red/Blue?
You may want to rephrase this description a bit, especially because the added detail of noting they look like something like a person could use makes them feel important.

Ok, I switched it around a little. They are like upright metal cylinders with steps leading up to them and something things that look kind of like sliding doors.

Ahahah, highly amused by the random lore drops here, and the fact that the setting has really advanced technology!

Yep, technology ahead of our world but certainly not star-trek levels.

I think the comma is not necessary here

Thanks, I reworked it.

MORE lore??

Yeah but I don't usually have this much lore in a chapter so, you don't have to worry about me overloading it too much. If you enjoy the lore, there are obviously more chapters that add to it.

Kinda like how a sacred place devoted to a god uses cutting edge technology.
Gives a very strong JRPG vibe!

Yeah, that's kind of the general inspiration for it.

Gentleman got a new party member! Actually, two new party members!

Indeed!

Oh no, he's a dork. I love him already.

Drinking is partially to blame.

This guy studied the cards FOR SIX YEARS???

Yeah and he really didn't need to do that much. He probably could have became Champion without attending the university at all, honestly. But with him attending it, his rise to champion was inevitable.

*attacked

So these were a bunch of really interesting chapters! There was a really nice mix of character moments with Gentleman and Rick's talk that gave some interesting perspectives on both,

Sounds like I did pretty well with it, then. Thanks!

there was also some interesting lore that makes it clear you are setting up some interesting things for later

Most definitely.

and the fic is not going to be simply a series of matches and of course there's some CARD GAMES.

Yep, it may have started as a lets-play and those elements will frame the narrative, but I'm not messing around when it comes to character development and plot.

I loved the running gag of Rick's club member getting annoyed at having been called back from the symposium only to get destroyed in a match.

If you liked that, you should see what I do in some of the other clubs lol

I feel like the highlight of this chapter however was Rick.

Yeah, I agree. Funny thing is that Rick was unplanned and was a pleasant surprise even to myself!

Where do I start? First I love his design, the crazy scientist guy with the freaking Game Boy shaped device is amazing.

His art DEFINITELY does him some favors! I like Rick's art even more than Mister Gentleman's!

He feels like a nice companion for Gentleman, he has some background connection to him by being Nikki's sister, but they don't know each other *that* well as to make little bonding moments were they can share info about themselves impossible like it would be if they would already know everything about each other.

Yeah, this made it easy for them to focus on new moments together instead of recounting old ones. It made it easier for me to focus on plot as a result.

It also feels nice to have another human character tag along apart from Gotan.

Yeah, I was a big fan of that too.

So I'm really excited to see what else you have planned for all other club leaders, because you definitely have a knack for making characters interesting and feel fleshed out with just giving out a couple details about them!

Thanks! I definitely had to get imaginative, but most wont' be near Rick's level. (Though that should probably be obvious...)

Like with Rick, he doesn't feel like a character that was introduced just to exist with the protagonist. In his first couple scenes we immediately know that he has his own life, interest, and objectives, and why he's deciding to tag along.
That's really good and quite tricky to do!

Yay! I'm glad I seemed to have accomplished something so tricky in a way that is enjoyable to readers. Thanks for the input!

 

[FanFictioner144]

I returned. Now I shall comment on the second chapter. Review, go!

Spoiler: Review for Chapter 2

Track 12 – I see you have a soft spot for A majors. Also a fit for the [traveling montage]. Only concern goes for the music tempo.
The way it is, it expresses a feeling of [being pumped up], contrasting MC’s balanced narration.

to one of its stops and there was one within

You have already fixed it.

was one of only two curious bodies

Had I been wearing a hat, (not that I would be caught dead in one) it might have blown away

Tell that to Ash Ketchum.

Track 13 – nothing too revolutionary here. I leave no comment.

Each of them had amazing figures. Their swimsuits made that quite easy to see

We are off to a great start for the water club. What an alluring description!
shoutout for reminding me of misty’s sisters

Was it bad that I often found myself confused at which girl was who

I do it all the time, not just with girls. Even with people I have known for years. So no worries.

Track 14 – a messy rhythm for this messy moment. What a musical flirt for me!

What DOES someone do about this anyway

I go away and sue them for harassment. Period.

to be Amanda don't you

Me picking up on a small mistake because I haven’t seen major ones, yet.

"Aaaaamaaaandaaa!

I ponder, wooould sooomeoone doooo this with the letteerrs in a diiary? I did not regret my thought.

that they rehearsed thi-

Again, is this typical stuff for a diary? MC’s got that sense of anticipation in his writing!
just like the book author

Now mentioning the illustrations. Cute.

Track 15 – a C major that mixes anticipation with humor. Interesting choice.

I got all seven of the drinks you wanted

Worry not, Joshua. Those girls are yet to cover their toilets in yellow juice.

We would like you to duel, Mister Gentleman, here

Note: if you were using the commas to represent pauses in speech, a better fit would be “you to duel… Mister Gentleman here”.

My deck MAY have had fire

The giggling of the girls was a dead give away that they saw right through everything he tried... The poor fool

Correction, the foolish fool. For not filing a complaint against the girls, and for being easily influenced by [flirting girls]. I am definitively not on his side here.

Track 16 – an F major to give that feeling of peace, after those [messy scenes]. While short, this theme brings the reader back into the Pokémon atmosphere.

Track 16.5 – a mix of D major melody with battle beats. Great for the upcoming battle.
this track reminds me of a game with a very touching story. i genuinely cried

Clearly, she had no idea what I was planning even though it was all laid out right there in front of her

Caught one! “what I was planning, even though”

Classic case of opponents never taking into account MC’s strategy. Am I seeing a pattern to those NPCs?
At least, Amanda’s turns are more detailed than [the grass tomb] from earlier. A more fitting challenge for our champion.
i regret writing that last line

Don't be so mean! Don't you care about my feelings at ALL

Guilt trip as a tactic?! GET OUT!

Illustrations! While repetitive, these convey the scenes quite well. Not much to add, here.

a young girls heart

apo-💥
the apostrophe thingy

The sooner I got out of there the better

YEEAH! I’m rooting for you!

The weapons these women wielded were sharper than a Doduo's talons

Now, seriously. Get over it, Mr Champion. These women are not worth your attention anymore. Finish the battle, then leave.
and sue them in your way out

Track 17 – the first time a theme happens inside the plot. Also, the suspense effect is excellent for the scenes.

at an amusement park except his suit

Caught one! “an amusement park. Except that his suit”

His Snorlax was a fearsome foe but I had my Porygon and Voltorb team up to take him down

The one duel I actually wanted to read the full context. Or perhaps more details to cover how “Snorlax was a fearsome foe”.

Once my duel with him was complete, he began to dance his way out picking up the throw

Caught one! “his way out, picking up the”

What a mundane exit for an NPC, compared to the importance the narration gives him. As seen in

What was someone like HIM doing here

Might be worth adding more relevance to his presence.

Track 18 – surely, the chosen track had to contain the word “bird”. Regardless, the melody matches the [relaxing with anxiety] montage our MC goes through.

By the way, great moment to resurface MC’s life routine and goals. Well done.

Imakuni?! is a joke duelist the game included with a weird battle track for any duels. He is one of the weakest duelists and plays badly

Um.

His Snorlax was a fearsome foe

“fearsome” and “weakest” do not align.

Aside from that, the contextualization about Imakuni?! does a fair job at informing TCG outsiders. Much appreciated.
i still suggest adding more context to the character

I just finished reading Chapter 2, and I shall praise it. I shall highlight how excited I am about MC&Doduo staying together. Furthermore, I shall mention how forgettable those water-club witches were. I can't wait to read the next chapter!